Chapter two is here!

TW: Mentions of suicidal behaviors and suicide attempts.

It only seemed to get worse from there.

Despite the concern that had knotted itself deeply in Toge's gut, he gave Yuuta the benefit of the doubt. Everyone had off days. Jujutsu sorcerer, office worker, cursed, not cursed, adult, child, not every day was a walk in the park for anyone. Toge knew that arguably better than most. And so, although a bit grudgingly, Toge had followed Yuuta's request and relayed to Gojo that the ravenette would be down in ten minutes. And he was, of course. As mentioned before, Yuuta was a punctual individual. Yuuta barged into the classroom, a guilty expression on his face as he gave his deepest apologies for keeping everyone waiting and 'wasting their time'.

Maki merely whacked Yuuta on the head with a training bo, threatening that if he ever did that again she'd beat him into oblivion. Panda teased Maki, claiming once again that she had a chance with the special grade sorcerer, which prompted a one-sided fight between the two, with Maki victorious.

It all went back to normal.

Just like that.

…well, not exactly.

While Maki was focused on beating the life out of Panda and Yuuta was concerned with making sure the green haired girl didn't kill the cursed corpse, Gojo still sat at the front of the class with a deep frown lining his face. It didn't take much for Toge to realize their sensei was deep in thought, likely regarding the uncharacteristically late student. But before Toge could question him about it, that shit-eating grin sprung back onto the older man's lips before he called for the students' attention.

Toge wanted to believe that Yuuta being late hadn't been a reason for concern, but he just couldn't get that defeated look Yuuta sported out of his mind. There was no way that nothing was wrong, and the fact that Gojo also seemed concerned for the ravenette only made Toge feel all the more valid in his thinking. Though, he wasn't sure if Gojo's concern made him feel comforted for not being crazy or more anxious because if Gojo was concerned, there was something to be apprehensive about.

Regardless, the rest of the day went without any hitches, despite Yuuta's somewhat slower performance in sparring and Toge's preoccupied mind. Toge didn't press the matter with his friend, no matter how much his intuition was telling him to say something.

Now, however, Toge was beginning to think he should have followed his intuition.

As the days went on, Yuuta's tardiness and absences began to grow in abundance, as was the concern and anxiety pooling heavily into Toge's stomach.

Yuuta was painfully slow in battle, so much so that Toge figured an elementary student could take the ravenette on, special grade curse be damned. He seemed distracted, as though the battle before him wasn't at the forefront of his mind. He looked sickly pale, but always insisted he felt fine. Toge had quickly felt the older's forehead when he had foolishly thought Yuuta was coming down with something, but no. His temperature seemed fine, even though Yuuta's stance, pace, and appearance claimed that it shouldn't be. Hell, Toge couldn't remember the last time he'd seen the boy eat. It was as though Yuuta had gone into a phase of intense isolation where if he wasn't out because of class, he wasn't out at all.

And Toge was getting sick of it.

He was sick of the isolation and sick of being blocked out by his best friend. Yes, he understood that Yuuta didn't have to tell him everything, the boy had a right to his privacy, but it would be nice to at least have an idea of what had Yuuta caught up in such a severe funk. Toge wasn't used to sitting on the sidelines while someone else suffered. He was used to always being needed and always being useful when the need for help arose.

He hated feeling this helpless.

Every time he saw his best friend, it felt as though Toge was watching a dead man walking. Yuuta didn't look alive. Far from it, actually. He looked so tired and defeated, and he just wouldn't let Toge in, wouldn't let Toge help.

Along with being observant, Toge was generally a very patient person, always willing to help new students on missions and with training. Now, however, Toge found his patience wearing thin.

Why was his friend, his best friend, blocking him out?

Toge pondered over the question for far longer than he was comfortable with admitting. Far longer than he figured someone who was classified as just a friend should be, anyway. But that was a minor detail, one that only he had to know. It wasn't as though every time he did see Yuuta out of his room, even if it was just for class, his eyes would linger over the ravenette's thin—yet slightly bulkier—body for longer than normal. And even if he was, he was just concerned for his friend's wellbeing, nothing more nothing less.

Yes…that's what he'd tell himself. He was just concerned for his friend.

His friend.

His friend.

His friend.

His-

…

…

…

Toge felt a rush of blood inflame his cheeks the longer he watched the older boy spar against Maki. It had been roughly a month since Yuuta's isolative behavior began to stir up, and though the boy rarely made any sort of appearance to class anymore, today was one of the lucky days where he did show up.

And God, Toge didn't know how to feel.

Yuuta looked horrible. Worse than the first encounter Toge had had with him at the beginning of this shit show. But even at his worst, Toge couldn't help but watch the boy with the intensity of a hawk. His smiles were few and far between, but when Yuuta did smile, Toge couldn't help the slight flutter in his chest and the jolt of electricity that seemed to run through his body. Toge found that every single sense and emotion of his was heightened the moment Yuuta walked into a room.

Which made Toge's concern all the more unbearable.

He sighed heavily, elbow propped up uncomfortably on his knee from where he sat on the grass and chin cradled in the palm of his hand.

Maki and Yuuta were still sparring, though it didn't feel so much like a spar as it did a one-sided ass kicking, Yuuta finding himself on the ground more times than he ever had before.

Just another side effect of Yuuta's unexplainable behavior, Toge supposed.

"You good, Toge?" The question coming from Panda who sat right next to the blonde seemed to be one on repeat.

"Shake," the one in question responded with a nod, eyes not leaving the boy in front of him.

Toge could feel Panda's eyes narrowing at him in disbelief. "You seem so out of it recently," Panda elaborated. "You're much quieter than usual. You haven't even said anything since Gojo-Sensei divided the sparring teams. What gives?"

Toge doesn't know how to answer Panda's observations, so he doesn't. He simply continues to stare at the panting boy on the field, doing his best—yet failing miserably—to ward off the attacks of the fierce girl. For a moment, Toge was certain Yuuta would pass out from the exertion, and likely a lack of nutrition if Toge's intuition of Yuuta not eating much was correct. However, Yuuta shook his head and got back into the battle as much as he could.

Toge's heart sank a little.

"If you're worried about Yuuta, know that we all are."

His concern must've been overly visible because Panda hit the issue at its heart's center. Toge spared the cursed corpse a glance, noticing that the student's eyes were now focused on the spar.

"Though I get it, you're probably a little more concerned than the rest of us."

At that, Toge lifted an eyebrow in confusion. "Takana?" What's that supposed to mean?

Panda shrugged. "It's a little obvious," he explained. "I mean, don't get me wrong. You've always been a bit more caring than the rest of us, even if you don't want to admit it. Even when Yuuta was the new kid and you knew nothing about him other than his name and curse grade, you made it your mission to make him feel welcome and comfortable, despite the initial misunderstandings between the two of you. It's only natural that you'd be more concerned about his behavior than others. But I don't think that's the only reason why you're so caught up in your thoughts about him."

Toge felt his cheeks burn up slightly at the accusation. He'd been denying it for a while, but if it was becoming so obvious that Panda of all people began to notice, then…

"Sh-Shake…" Maybe you're right.

"In all honesty," Panda continued, wincing slightly as he watched Maki land a harsh blow on top of Yuuta's head (despite his worsening state, Maki was relentless in battle. 'Curses won't go easy on you no matter your circumstance, so I won't either.'), "I think you're the only one who's going to be able to get him to open up about anything. Sure, Maki and I are his friends, too, but…he talks to you more than any of us. Or, used to anyway. You should try and get him to talk to you."

"Sujiko!" Toge all but growled. I've tried multiple times, but he just won't let me in.

Panda hummed. "I have a feeling he's going to require more force as opposed to simply asking him to talk. He's as stubborn as the rest of us. Guess that's why he fit in so well, even if it took a while," Panda's eyebrows furrowed down. "Still…I wonder what caused this lapse."

Toge nodded, a heavy breath falling audibly out of his nose. He wondered the same. Yuuta had begun to fit right into their little group, and it was practically an overnight thing, this lapse in behavior. Toge didn't know why. Whether it was a mental obstacle Yuuta needed help overcoming or…if one of them had somehow upset the boy in any way, Toge, as well as the rest of those living at Jujutsu High, were left in the dark. He didn't like the idea of being more aggressive toward Yuuta. Aside from genuine battle, Toge was a rather gentle person, if not a bit blunt due to his limited speech. And though Yuuta was nowhere near the word fragile, Toge hardly believed that the first thing the older boy needed was a set of blunt and harsh words to get him to open up. True, Toge didn't know the subject matter of the problem, but he had a feeling it was something that required delicacy.

"Yeesh," Toge heard Gojo breathe as the older sorcerer walked towards the group. "She's kickin' his ass."

"He hasn't landed a single hit," Panda agreed.

"Shake," Toge confirmed.

Gojo hummed uneasily, blindfolded eyes glued to the sparring students. Honestly, the session was getting difficult to watch. Yuuta was covered in bruises, some oncoming and others preexisting while Maki hadn't even broken a sweat. Though, Toge noticed Maki's unforgiving resolve faltering more and more after each battle. Her attacks were growing slightly slower and her hits softer. She seemed hesitant to continue on, but Yuuta didn't seem too keen on quitting yet. Toge couldn't make out the exact words the two were conversing, but what he did notice was Yuuta giving Maki a pleading look, the girl tilting her head back and forth as if weighing her options. Eventually, like every other time previously, she relented, a sigh passing through her lips as she took another beginning stance.

Maki was beginning to feel guilty.

"Toge," the special grade sorcerer voiced with a beckoning hand motion, "follow me. I want to talk to you about your next assignment."

Toge, used to individual missions, nodded as he moved to his feet, leaving Panda and the sorry display of a spar session behind him to follow Gojo. "Takana?" Toge questioned when Gojo didn't immediately begin to give instructions.

Gojo chuckled, shoulders shaking with the action. "You know you can speak normally when it's just me, right?" Toge's shoulders tensed and breathing hitched. "Your curses have no effect on me. So even if there was some kind of slip up, I'd be fine."

Toge didn't even want to give the idea any consideration. Of course, he knew he couldn't hurt Gojo, virtually no one could…but even so, there was still this sense of paranoia and trauma that sent pinpricks through Toge's tongue that made him want to sew his mouth shut altogether. "Okaka," Toge said quickly, crossing his arms in an 'x' over his chest.

Gojo looked at him with a blank expression, hands shoved deep in his pockets as they continued to walk further away from the sparring field. Toge expected the adult to look at him with disbelief or confusion for choosing to keep his silence, but that's not what he received. Instead, Gojo shot him a knowing look and a breathy laugh. "I figured as much. That's just like you, Inumaki, always precautious even when it isn't necessary for the sake of others. You're as selfless as they come, often neglecting your own wants and needs. You care about others more than almost anyone in this school."

So he'd been told, now for the second time that day.

Gojo's footsteps began to slow. His forehead was creased once again in that foreign state of concern that made Toge uneasy. He was unable to see his sensei's eyes, but if the cursed energy that was radiating off of the older man was anything to go by, Toge could tell that the icy and vivid orbs had a stormy and thoughtful overlay, only further betraying Gojo's shot nerves. "That's partially why I want to ask this of you," Toge cocked an eyebrow in confusion at Gojo's wording. "We've all been concerned for Yuuta recently, and rightfully so, I'd argue. I know you're worried because that's just the type of person you are, along with another reason I'm unsure that you've admitted to yourself yet," there was a playful tone in the way Gojo said that last sentence that brought a dust of pink to Toge's cheeks and a bit back rebuttal to his lips.

Gojo spared a hesitant glance over his shoulder, despite the two having walked well out of sight range from the sparring field. "However…I have another reason to be a bit more on edge."

Toge's eyebrows furrowed down. "Takana?" What do you mean? What are you talking about?

Gojo sighed, returning his gaze back to Toge. "Look, I'm probably not supposed to tell you this because of 'teacher confidentiality' and all that jazz…but I'd like to think I'm a bit more than a teacher to you guys, and I'm genuinely perturbed by all this," Gojo chewed on his bottom lip for a moment, as though he was trying to formulate the right words before he shrugged. "There's really no easy way to say this, so I suppose it's just best to rip it off like a bandaid. You guys know that, prior to Yuuta's admittance into Jujutsu High, he'd had a bit of an isolative streak. I mean, the damn kid had a murderous special grade curse attached to him so no shock there."

That was something Toge could relate to. Life as a child with cursed speech had been terrifying, and the moment his clan had ordered him into silence, he'd been isolated in his means of communication. He couldn't make friends, though most kids hadn't wanted to be his friend, to begin with, his family deemed him a disgrace, and he was scared of himself.

Thank God for Gojo, despite all of the shit the students and higher-ups gave him.

"While I was interviewing him for his approval into the school, however, he admitted some rather…dark things. Things we don't have on file because they were never reported. Not that they could've been. There wasn't any evidence to go by unless the kid went to someone and outright confessed what he tried. Of course, our past Yuuta, and it seems our Yuuta now, wasn't particularly known as the type who sought out help," Gojo took in a deep breath through his nose and exhaled through his mouth. "Yuuta has, on multiple occasions, tried to commit suicide."

The statement felt like a slap to the face for Toge. Like a pot of boiling water had been thrown into below-freezing air and wafted right into his face, burning both from unbearably hot and unbearably cold temperatures. "Mentaiko?" He exclaimed, maybe a smidge too loud, for even Gojo's expression seemed surprised. What? You're joking, you have to be joking.

"He came clean to me," Gojo continued. "Why? I'm not sure. Maybe because he was already about as low as he could get. He had something attached to him he didn't understand that was hurting others, and when he tried to take matters into his own hands by taking his life, Rika wouldn't even allow that. She stopped him every time, but not by solving the problem, of course. Simply by force. By nature. She lived to protect Yuuta, if not going overboard due to a blurry perception of helping and hurting. Him hurting himself in any way went against everything she existed for. So she stopped him," Gojo set his jaw, stood a bit straighter, and continued to look at Toge, expression becoming tighter and tighter with apprehension as he went on. "This isn't my first rodeo with this sort of thing. I've lived around more people who've faced hardships and depression than I'm willing to remember. I don't want to jump to conclusions or anything, I'm not saying that this is the problem, but rather something we need to keep an eye on and get more information from him on. We can't help if we don't know what's going on. That's where you come in."

Toge felt like he was going to be sick with worry. Yuuta? His caring, sweet, nerdy, and shy Yuuta had once felt so low—might be returning to that depressed state—that he felt the need to take his life? He'd been that isolated? That desperate? That self-deprecating?

And had Toge referred to Yuuta as his?

"While Yuuta gets along with virtually everyone here, he's closer to you than he is to everyone else. You make him feel safe and secure. If he's going to open up to anyone, it's you. Again, I don't want to jump to conclusions or assume the worst…but he's exhibiting a lot of the same behaviors and emotions that he did when he first attempted, according to his own claims, anyway. Perhaps it's a relapse of depression that we could help with, or at the very least assign him a therapist for."

Toge, trying to overcome his shock, slowly shook his head, shaky hands reaching up, ready to sign words that he couldn't cover with onigiri ingredients. 'I've tried,' he signed. 'He hasn't been talking to me or anyone else. He's been shutting all of us out, no matter what we try. Panda tried to set up a movie night, yet Yuuta claimed he had homework to finish. Maki offered to take him to his favorite restaurant, but he said he was too tired to go out. And I've tried…multiple times just to sit and talk with him, but he won't sit with me. It's like he can't stand being around others, and I don't know why. I don't know if it's his depression or anxiety, or if we did something that upset him because he won't tell me. I want to help, but I don't know what more I can do or try.'

For a moment, Gojo was silent, seemingly mulling over the options of what to tell Toge. "Assertiveness might be the best way to go about this," he eventually stated. "I know you have the tendency to be softer around Yuuta, but that's probably not going to work. Dark thoughts and feelings are often steadfast in their roots, not relenting to sweet words and comfort zones. I'd typically advise against pushing someone beyond what they're willing to say or do, but whatever's going on is affecting Yuuta's ability to function. He's an amazing student and, above all, person. I'd hate to see him lose to something like this, something we can help with. Try whatever you can to get him to step out of that self-destructive comfort zone of his and get him to open up," Gojo looked away, once again moving to walk further away from the field, Toge walking close behind. "If you can't, I'll set up an…intervention of sorts. Maybe Shoko would know what to do if worse comes to worst. But I'd rather him talk to someone he's comfortable with before we get others involved."

At the very least, Toge supposed he could agree with that. Yuuta was, at best, skittish and shy, only breaking free from his shell once someone made him feel comfortable enough. Toge had already set that comfortable space for Yuuta. Trying to get him to come clean about such a heavy subject to someone he knew next to nothing about didn't bode promising results. But still…Toge wondered just how he was going to go about this. Could he do this? He'd like to have thought Yuuta would come to him with any trouble he was facing, especially one as severe as this, but he'd clearly been proved wrong about that.

Toge's heart ached, absolutely throbbed, over the entire situation.

What was he going to do?

His hands curled tightly into fists, nails digging harshly into the palms of his hands. Frustration wasn't an emotion that held itself over Toge's head, at least not often anymore. Yet, as of recently and even more so now, it was something that seemed to walk hand in hand with his apprehensiveness. There was another emotion that mixed itself into Toge's chest every time he thought of the older teen, let alone the brief times he saw him. A certain tightness that would always make his cheeks feel unbearably warm. An indescribable jolt every time Yuuta's name left someone's lips. This nearly constant state of obsessive thought from the moment Toge woke up till the moment he fell back asleep. This want—no, need—to be close to the special grade sorcerer that he was being denied time after time after time.

Toge was lost in more ways than one, and each and every single way was catastrophically unbearable.

"Gojo-Sensei?"

The aforementioned sorcerer gave a quiet hum, directing his blinded gaze back towards the younger ashen blonde.

Toge gulped helplessly, doing his best to keep his expression neutral like typical, but knowing the endeavor was fruitless. Shaky and unsure hands once again moved to sign. 'Love,' he didn't know where to go with this, couldn't even begin to fathom it. It was already weird seeing his sensei this serious without cracking some sort of joke…then again, he couldn't suppose that even this man child of a mentor could be so thoughtless as to make jokes over such a sensitive subject. Asking the man for advice had always seemed off the playing field, but Toge had nowhere else to go, no one else to ask. Perhaps, Gojo would have a serious answer as he had the entire time during this awfully nerve wracking conversation. 'Have you ever been in love before?'

It was weird to ask, Toge couldn't deny that, but getting the question out into the open to someone, anyone, had been liberating in ways he couldn't even begin to describe, despite not yet having received an answer or even have gotten into the heart of the first question of an entire series.

Gojo, for all he was worth, stopped walking, making a small noise of shock. His jaw went slack, as though Toge had slapped him across the face with a hand imbued with pure cursed energy. For a moment, Toge wondered if he'd crossed a mental line. Gojo was a relatively open person, never one to sugarcoat or beat around the bush. Life was life and life typically sucked, was the mentality he went by and rarely hid. Yet this, this question seemed to be one that made Gojo's dumbass resolve dissolve at least slightly. Silence ensued between the two for much longer than Toge was comfortable with, and he briefly thought that Gojo wasn't going to answer.

Of course, Gojo Satoru is full of surprises.

Shaking his head as if trying to regain some of his lost composure, Gojo reset his jaw. "Once," he replied simply, yet there was a gravelly tone to his voice that Toge just couldn't seem to miss.

'What happened?' Toge found himself asking.

Gojo licked his lips uncomfortably, for once an answer not coming to mind as straightforward as he'd like. Toge gave him the benefit of the doubt, it was seldom a student ever asked Gojo for guidance that didn't involve fighting and techniques. Hell, Toge knew that that kid Gojo practically raised, Megumi, hardly ever allowed the adult into his life, even as a young child. Gojo was suddenly thrown out of his element and into a topic that he was clearly uncomfortable, and—dare Toge say—regretful about.

"Things just…didn't work out," Toge knew Gojo wasn't telling the full truth. That wasn't to say the white haired man was lying, per se, but Toge could tell there was more to it than it 'just not working out.' "I don't bring myself into affairs dealing with love. Not anymore. We see thousands of different curses a year, and we exercise just as many. However, there's no curse that's as demented as love. And what's even worse? It doesn't take something as simple as exercising it to get rid of it. Love infects you from every tip of your being until it leaves you paralyzed in its wake, an immaculate vessel to something that has no sense of shape on its own. Something even Maki's glasses fail to detect. Invisible until you let even a fraction of it slip out into your actions or words. I've danced with that curse once, and I'll be damned if I allow myself to do it again."

Toge deflated, words and questions dying on his hands. There was so much more he wanted to say, so many more questions he needed answers to, so much he needed help with, and his only source of guidance seemed to be poisoned on the subject.

"However…my pessimistic view on the wretched thing doesn't mean you should take the same view as I do."

Toge perked back up, if slightly, eyes widening faintly in curiosity, raised eyebrows urging Gojo to continue on with his thoughts.

Gojo sighed, swiping at his nose with his thumb and index finger. "Love doesn't always end for others as it did me. My situation was shit, nothing more and nothing less. Just because I had a foul experience with it doesn't mean I don't think you shouldn't go for it. Sure, I might wear a blindfold most days, but it's quite clear what your thoughts are on Yuuta."

Toge's cheeks began to burn brightly. So it was that noticeable. Obviously, it had to have been if Panda had noticed. Gojo was only confirming what he thought to be true.

"To be completely honest, I'm not sure why you haven't gone for it yet. Even with whatever has been going on in that dark brain of his, his feelings towards you are just as obvious as your own. But of course, you both are as hopeless as they come," there was a teasing tone twinged in Gojo's voice that made the cursed speech user want to playfully retaliate. "Death is looming around the corner for all of us, especially with our field of work. It's best you admit your feelings now rather than something going wrong and the words either dying with you or being lost to an abyss where he can't hear you."

The words were harsh, blunt, just like Gojo but also with something else mixed in. What could it have been? Sadness? Pain? Regret? Toge didn't even want to think about the possibility of understanding. Whatever it was, and no matter how helpful the advice was, there was something about Gojo's words that didn't sit right with him.

'And what about you?' Toge pressed. 'Wouldn't you rather allow yourself to feel? I'm not sure what happened your first time with love, but don't you think letting the one experience dictate the rest of your life will leave you with more regrets than falling in love again and risking heartache?'

The question, along with many of the others Toge had sent the teacher's way, caught Gojo off guard. Once again, silence surrounded the two uncomfortably, before a breathy laugh flared itself out of the adult's nostrils. "Hypocritical, I know," Gojo responded, crossing his arms over his chest. "I've become well acquainted with the grave I've dug for myself, and I have no intentions of climbing back out of it. Unfortunately, this, I find, is the one thing I'll allow myself to suffocate alive in. Love and I were never meant to be friends, and I've accepted that," Gojo shook his head rapidly. "But enough pity party over me, yeah? I can see love worming her way into your heart and setting up a good home there. I don't think she'll decay your soul as she did mine. Let her make herself known in your life. Let her make you awkward and embarrass yourself. Let her make emotions you've never felt before pop up left and right, and let her make you confused. Finding love and experiencing everything that comes with it is part of being a kid and a human. Don't suppress that. Let it happen. You're only a kid once, and with as much innocence that's been stripped away from you with this line of work, let the innocence of the unknown swathe and nurture you. Does that make sense?"

It did. In a…weird and oddly philosophical way, it did. Toge's heart did feel slightly heavy for his sensei's admittance to his own love suppression, but he knew dwelling on a problem that had no want to be solved was futile. So he took the positive advice to heart and let it swim there until it reached his brain and made things make sense. Toge gave a gentle smile towards the older man.

'Thanks.'

Gojo let out a breath that he'd been holding ever since Toge mentioned the word 'love'. A byproduct of the discomfort Gojo had clearly been in, Toge figured. Gojo smiled back at him. "Anytime, kid. Glad one of you finally took me up on that advice offer. Now, let's head back to the field to make sure Maki hasn't killed Yuuta. Despite his weakened state, she really was still kicking ass and taking names. Suppose I could be credited for that. I'm so proud of her!" Gojo smacked a hand against his forehead as a bout of laughter ruptured through his throat and heartily leapt into the air.

Toge couldn't help his own chuckle from surpassing his lips all before his stomach sank once again.

Right…

His small talk with Gojo over the affair of love had briefly whisked Toge's mind away into a land where the problem with Yuuta didn't exist. Yuuta was still upset. Yuuta was still hurting. Yuuta was still isolating himself. Yuuta was still blocking Toge out.

While Gojo began rambling nonsense that didn't reach Toge's ears next to him, Toge's face hardened.

He wasn't going to be shut out any longer.