Faith, baby
Jay winced as he looked at his wife. She had an iron grip on his hand as she looked around the room nervously. Her foot tapped and one could have mistaken it for impatience. But Jay knew it was simply her anxiety.
"Hey, it's gonna be okay," he tried to reassure her.
"You don't know that," Hailey murmured. She bit her lip anxiously and Jay rubbed soothing circles on her hand. He continued until he felt her ease up on her grip a little.
"Every other scan has been perfectly fine. There's been nothing to say otherwise."
Hailey shook her head slightly. "I know but I can't shake the feeling that something might be or is likely to go wrong."
Jay frowned. "Why would you think that? Did you feel something?" He asked and this time he brought his hand to the small bump that was now beginning to show.
Hailey smiled just a touch. "Nothing more than the usual." She looked at him and then sighed when he didn't say anything. He was waiting on her. "It's just ... everything has been going so well for us for so long. I feel like ... like it's -" she stopped not wanting to say.
"Like it's almost too good to be true?" He offered.
"Yes! Aren't you worried? I mean things have been so good. We've got the new house and we're - well we're us," she said and Jay laughed. "For how long are things going to be this good? If something bad is going to happen I don't want it to be this," Hailey confessed, rubbing protectively over her bump.
"Hey," Jay said softly tipping her chin up so he could see her properly. "Things have been really good for us and they will be, for as long as we make it. But there will be bad times too. I can't promise there won't be, but what I can promise is that I will always be there with you. And I know that she is gonna be fine." He looked down to where their hands sat protectively over their child.
"But how do you know that?" Hailey stressed.
"I have faith, baby," he said smiling and Hailey chuckled. It was not often he used that term of endearment for her but she always liked to hear it.
"You know I'm not very religious," she countered lightly.
"I don't mean in god. Well not just in god," he corrected. "I mean in us."
Hailey smiled liking his answer. She leaned forward kissing him softly. "You said she again," she mentioned with a little laugh.
Jay had been convinced from the moment they had found out about baby Halstead that it would be a girl. Even though they had opted out of finding out the sex of the baby at the 12 weeks and 18-week scans, Hailey had as good a feeling as Jay that baby Halstead was a girl. But some small part of her worried that he was putting too much faith in that especially when she saw how excited he was in gearing up to be a girl dad (as Adam had called it).
It was sweet and endearing and Hailey found that she didn't want to talk him out of that option. But the thought of having a daughter did scare her. She remembered her own fractured relationship she shared with her mother and the thought of any child was frightening. No part of Hailey wanted that for her child and she had been actively trying to prepare herself to be better. To be the kind of mother their child deserved. The kind she had wanted.
It helped that she was not alone. That her partner – her husband – was so far from what she had grown up with. Jay was her strength and he would do as he always did; he would support her. Hailey might have felt scared about becoming a parent, but she knew it was a fear that Jay shared too. It helped to know that she was not alone in this.
Jay pulled her closer, pressing a kiss to her hair and intertwining their fingers. He always smiled when he caught sight of her black ring, so easily seen against the paleness of her fingers.
"The doctor will see you now," the assistant told them. They both smiled at her and Jay helped Hailey to her feet.
Jay had forgotten for a moment that they were still at Gaffney. This part of the hospital was so different, so quiet from the ED they usually frequented. This was the second OBGYN they had seen. The first had not been a good fit for several reasons but Natalie had referred them to a good friend of hers that had just moved to Chicago. Doctor Melinda Greene or Mel as she had told them to call her - was personable and friendly without making them feel awkward. She understood the pressures of their job and the Halsteads had come to trust her with the most precious thing that had ever come into their lives.
Jay helped Hailey get settled on the chair and they let Mel do her routine check-ups. They waited, anxiously for the moment they would get to see their baby on the screen again. Hailey's worry - despite Jay's attempts to calm her- was still high. So much so that even Mel noticed.
"You're quieter than usual today, Hailey. Everything alright?" She asked.
Hailey didn't like that her anxiety had been so easily readable. "Just general concerns," she played it off." Bedside her Jay coughed and then gave her a pointed look. She chose to ignore it.
Mel looked between the pair with something soft - akin to friendly amusement in her eyes.
"Hailey?" She pressed. "It's okay. Whatever it is, I'm here to help."
Hailey huffed and then finally relented. "I'm just worried things are gonna go wrong. That something might happen."
To her credit, Mel did not brush it aside as new mother syndrome. Instead, she said, "I understand that. I really do. It's exciting going through all this but what a lot of people forget is that it can be incredibly scary too. Your concerns are not out of place but please don't let it be your focus." She gave Hailey a reassuring smile. "You two have done everything right so far. I will do everything I can to see that your baby arrives safely."
Jay reached for Hailey's hand. He brought it to his lips, pressing a gentle kiss to her palm. "You're not alone in this Hails. I promise. I got you. We both do, right doc?"
"Absolutely," Mel answered. "Now would you like to see your baby?"
Hailey nodded enthusiastically feeling excited for the first time since arriving. Her sight was slightly blurry from the unshed tears but she didn't care. Mel moved the monitor closer and then prepared Hailey for the ultrasound. It was an experience that never got old. Each time the gel was squeezed on her, Hailey sucked in a little breath at the coldness. But each time they looked at the screen and saw their baby growing, it was like the air was filling her lungs again. Like her heart was beating anew.
It took only a few moments before the image was reflected on screen. Jay leaned in closer, till all Hailey could be certain of was his calming presence and the loud sounds of their baby's heartbeat. It always made them smile, looking at each other with awe. A second later they were looking at the screen earnestly.
"And there we are," Mel said pointing to the screen. "Baby Halstead."
"Oh," Hailey whispered. She squeezed Jay's hand as they saw their baby.
Mel smiled at them knowingly. She always loved this moment. "Are we sure we don't wanna know the sex yet?" she asked and then laughed when Jay and Hailey immediately said otherwise.
"We don't wanna know," Hailey said.
"But we know it's a girl," Jay said confidently.
"You do?" Mel raised a brow, amused.
"Yeah, it's just a feeling."
Mel nodded, deciding not to go against that. Rather, she made a note in their file, before turning to them. "I'm gonna give you two a moment." She told them and then stepped away, their file in hand. "Oh and detective?" She called and then laughed when both Jay and Hailey looked up. "Will's outside."
Jay grinned and Mel left them. Hailey turned to him a little surprised. "I hope you don't mind. I just thought with uh - well how you've been feeling recently, I thought you might have felt more comfortable talking to Will afterwards." Jay shrugged, "But if you don't want to, I can tell him to piss off – " Jay laughed and Hailey saw the slight tinge on his cheeks. "He's excited and I thought –"
Hailey pulled Jay closer, silencing him with a kiss. "Thank you," she whispered as Jay pressed his forehead to hers. "I think that's very sweet of you."
They turned back to the screen, this time her fingers reaching out to the image. Neither spoke as they watched their baby.
"Can you believe it?" Hailey asked and Jay was happy to hear the excitement in her voice once more.
Jay grinned, his arms coming to wrap around his wife. "That's our baby," he said and Hailey loved that no matter how many times they had seen it on the monitor, Jay never lost his sense of awe.
These days there was always admiration or excitement when they spoke about baby Halstead. She loved that. It made working through their fears slightly easier.
There was a knock at the door and a moment later, Mel came back in. They went about rounding up the appointment, with Jay and Hailey each holding a new sonogram picture. Hailey had been putting them together in a book, and Jay had diligently been keeping them in his wallet. He couldn't wait for the day when that space was filled with a picture of all three of them.
With everything in order, they said their goodbyes, meeting Will outside. He looked as excited as Hailey had ever seen him.
"It's my favourite detective!" Will greeted as Hailey hugged him. "Oh hello Jay," he added cheekily.
Jay only rolled his eyes at his brother as they started walking through the hospital. "I hear it went well," Will continued.
"Yeah, Mel's great. We owe Natalie for helping us find her," Hailey answered.
Will had his arm around her shoulders as they walked. Usually, Hailey wouldn't be one for such acts of affection from anyone but Jay. But Will was her family too and he had been so excited and happy for them from the start. Hailey had gained another piece to the small family she had with Jay when they got married. Will had welcomed her with open arms and a warm smile. It seemed almost instinctive now, how the oldest Halstead looked out from them all.
Hailey reached for Jay's hand as they continued walking towards the exit.
"C'mon no need for that," Will told her.
"Hey, why don't you two wait here and I'll go get the car," Jay offered and before he left them, he gave his brother a meaningful look.
Hailey chuckled. "Your brother is not nearly as subtle as he thinks."
"I think that's debatable. It's just you that sees through his bullshit so well," Will praised. He gave Hailey a one-armed hug, waiting for her but when she said nothing, he took the reins. "How are you feeling about all this?"
She didn't answer immediately, giving her answer some thought. "I'm still scared. I'm constantly worried that something is going to happen. Even with me being on desk duty, I can't stop thinking … that it might somehow get taken away."
"Hey, it's okay to be scared," Will assured her, "But you know you're not alone."
"I know. I know," she sighed. "I have Jay and he's been so amazing. I don't … sometimes I don't think I deserve him."
"Of course you do. Don't you know? You're the best thing to ever happen to my baby brother, Hailey Halstead," Will told her, with an easy smile and warm eyes. "And you don't have just Jay. I'm here too. For you and my niece or nephew."
"Thank you, Will," she said softly, this time returning his hug properly. "How did you get so good at this?"
"Well, I'd like to remind you that I have an excellent bedside manner."
Jay pulled up with the truck and Will opened the door for Hailey, waving his brother off. "Listen, we're meeting up at Molly's a little later tonight. You should come by. This seems like something celebrating," Will told them. "And I know you can't drink Hailey, but we still would love to see you."
Hailey looked over at Jay and he simply smiled as if to say it was her call. "Alright fine," she conceded making a show of rolling her eyes at Will.
He was not deterred, grinning as he closed the car door behind her. "Great! It's definitely worth celebrating!"
Hailey laughed. "If you're this excited about this little appointment I can't imagine what you're gonna be like when the baby actually gets here," she joked and Will laughed. But Jay didn't.
He eyed his brother suspiciously and Will merely smirked.
"What's going on?" He finally asked.
"What do you mean?" Will countered.
"You're happy … but very happy." Jay scrambled to explain.
"Of course I'm happy. My brother and his beautiful wife are going to have a baby," Will answered exuberantly and that made Hailey suspicious too.
"No this is different. I know that look!" Jay suddenly said leaning across the cab.
Will, annoyingly only grinned. "What look, Jay?"
"That 'I know something you don't know,' look."
"Will, what do you know?" Hailey asked, agreeing with her husband.
"About what exactly?" He wore a cheeky grin undeterred by the questioning looks of the two detectives. "I don't know anything. I mean – I know a lot of things about a lotta things. I am a doctor after all."
Jay eyed his brother carefully and his eyes grew in slow realisation. "You wouldn't …" Jay started slowly. "No, you didn't."
Hailey gaped between them. She didn't need Jay or Will to fill in the blanks for her. She was a capable enough detective to do that on her own. She was about to reach through the open window for Will when the redhead laughed.
"Look, I have no idea what you're talking about. But I do know that I'll be seeing you two tonight!" With that he took a step back and before they could argue, he turned and rushed back into the hospital.
They watched him disappear into the hospital before Jay put the truck into gear and they were off.
"Okay, even for Will that was weird," Hailey said. A curious look in her eyes. "You don't think he asked Mel… did he?" She shook her head. "Would he?"
"Oh he would," Jay told her. "But I doubt Mel would have told him. I can imagine a handful of other colour things she might have told him but that… no there's no way."
"And yet he knows."
"Maybe he doesn't and he's just pretending to," Jay offered.
Hailey snorted. "I've seen him play, his poker face is shit."
Jay grumbled. "I can't believe this!"
"Look, we'll find out for sure tonight if he knows or not."
"But you said you didn't want to know," Jay said confused.
"I don't," she had said so softly that Jay could hear the uncertainty in her voice. But he didn't push for an explanation.
He reached across, taking her hand in his. Hailey smiled and didn't say anything more. With Jay doing as he had done earlier, rubbing soothing circles on her hand, Hailey settled comfortably into the seat. The drive passed with easy silence. So much so that Hailey ended up dozing in the passenger seat.
The truck rolled to an easy stop outside their new home. They hadn't intended on buying a new place but Hailey had driven past it one day, spotting the for sale sign out and she couldn't resist not taking a closer look. When she had stepped through the front door, she knew this was the place she wanted to bring their baby home to. This was the place she wanted to fill with all their baby's first. Convincing Jay wasn't nearly as hard as she thought it would be and before the week was out, they had put an offer in to make it theirs.
Jay hopped out of the truck, wondering if he should wake Hailey. But when he reached her side, she was already awake – albeit still looking a bit sleepy but she had a soft smile on her lips and that glow everyone said pregnant women seemed to get.
Though if asked, Jay would say his wife was always glowing. And she'd roll her eyes at his cheesy answer.
"Come here," he said softly, and she might have argued if she weren't so exhausted. Pregnancy tended to do that to her.
Hailey looped her arms around his neck and he lifted her from the truck with ease. He was about to kick the door shut when Hailey closed it for him.
"We wouldn't want you damaging the precious truck," she teased.
"I think what I have here," he said looking at her pointedly, "is far more precious."
She laughed, crinkling her nose at the same time but she didn't argue. She placed her head on his shoulder as he took them inside, depositing her gently on her favourite couch. Hailey grabbed his wrist before he could move away.
"I was just gonna get something to eat," he told her quietly. "You didn't eat much this morning."
"I was too nervous to eat," she grumbled. Jay smiled, squatting down so they were at eye level. "I'd probably just thrown it up."
Jay nodded, remembering the fears she had taken with her that morning. "I know you're scared Hails, but I'm going to do everything I can to keep you safe. To keep you both safe."
She smiled, her other hand coming up to cup his cheek. "I know. There is no one I trust more."
Jay leaned in, kissing her slowly. "What are you feeling for?" he asked.
"You," she replied, kissing him again.
Jay chuckled. "I meant food."
"No, just you. That's all I want right now," Hailey told him. He didn't need to be told a third time; kicking off his shoes and Hailey shifted on the couch, making space for him. "We've still got a bit of time before Molly's right?" she asked and Jay nodded. "Good. That gives you enough time to work on your interrogation skills."
"Who am I interrogating?"
"Your brother. I wanna know what he knows," Hailey answered sighing sleepily.
"But what if he does know?"
Hailey shifted again so she could look up at him. "You know why I never wanted to know if it was a boy or girl?" she asked.
"Figured you just wanted it to be a surprise."
"Hhm well that too. But mostly, I thought if I didn't know and something happened, it would make the pain hurt a little less. But I know that's not how it works. And I know that our baby is healthy and I don't want to spend the rest of this pregnancy worrying that something might happen. Honesty, it's exhausting." Jay leaned in pressing a kiss to her hair. "I'm still scared. But you're here and that always makes me feel a little braver. Whatever happens, we'll see it through together."
"Always." He tucked a curl behind her ear. "I told you, years ago. I'd follow you anywhere and I meant that. No matter what happens, it's always going to be you and me."
"Where you go, I go," Hailey promised. "And I want to want the future without thinking or waiting for the worst to happen. I don't want that for him or her." She placed her head on his chest again. "Besides, I don't think I can wait till the end to find out," she added. "I wanna know before we officially met him or her."
"Her," Jay insisted.
"And what happens if it's a boy?"
"It's a girl," Jay said without doubt. "Now shh. Sleep while I think of new and inspired ways to interrogate my brother."
Hailey laughed but she didn't argue as she felt sleep creeping in. Jay ran his fingers through her hair and she hummed, content.
They met Will and the others at Molly's much later that night. The nap had helped refresh Hailey just as much as the food Jay had ordered for them.
It was noisy inside but Hailey felt a little nostalgic as they walked through towards their friends.
At their table, sat all of Intelligence with Trudy and Mouch among the numbers tonight. Vanessa came up with a round of drinks for them all, non-alcoholic for Jay and Hailey before taking a seat between Hailey and Kevin.
"Goldilocks!" Trudy greeted and Hailey bit her lip. The pink tinge on Trudy's cheeks was a good enough tell that it was indeed happy hour in the bar.
"How did it go today?" Vanessa asked. Kim leaned in eagerly and Hailey couldn't quite believe she was blessed with such sweet friends.
"Very well," Hailey told them smiling. "Everything is as it should be."
"That's great! So you still don't know if it's a boy or girl?" Kevin asked.
"Nope."
"Nah man, I don't know if I can do that. The suspense would just kill me," Adam said shaking his head.
Kim turned to him, "You'd wanna know?"
"Course! I couldn't care if it's a boy or a girl but I'd wanna know."
"Well, Jay is convinced it's a girl," Hailey said.
"Because it is!" He chipped in.
"But it might not be," Will countered and both his brother and sister-in-law narrowed their eyes at him.
That caught the attention of everyone.
"Woah, what did you do?" Kevin asked pulling Will back.
"Nothing! Why does everyone think I did something?" Will asked. "If I just happen to know things, is that really my fault?"
"You do know!" Jay cried looking at his brother.
"Know what?"
Jay huffed and then leaned forward on the table. A tactic she had seen him use on countless suspects in the interrogation room. Seems like Detective Halstead had come out tonight.
"What do you know? And how do you know?" Jay asked.
"What exactly am I supposed to know?" Will asked innocently but his smirk gave him away.
"You can't know before I do!" Jay argued. Hailey had to hide her smile behind her glass because she was quite certain Jay was pouting just a touch. "That's not right!"
"I didn't mean to know if that helps!" Will said giving in to his brother. He sighed, feeling a little guilty. "I just happen to glance at them.
"William! You didn't!" Hailey scolded.
"I didn't mean to and really, I saw just a little …" Will tried explaining. Their friends were laughing as the good doctor got chewed out by his little brother and wife. "I can't even be sure if what I saw is what I saw …"
"Will. Shut up," Jay said shaking his head. "He knows! I told you he knows!" he bemoaned to Hailey.
"It doesn't matter because I won't tell anyone what I may or most definitely may not have seen!" Will promised.
"Yeah, that's not helping," Adam advised.
"I'm sorry!" Will said now feeling truly guilty as he looked at Hailey and Jay. His brother was still grumbling about it but Hailey looked a little more interested than she had. "I didn't mean to. Mel was there with your file and –"
"You looked," Hailey guessed. He smiled guiltily.
"I swear, it was an accident, and Mel covered it up before I could really see anything."
"But you know," Adam surmised.
They all looked at Will and he smiled. There was no getting out of this. "I know," he finally admitted.
There were rousing objections and cheers from their friends, Trudy included, but Jay and Hailey simply sat there looking at each other.
"Now what?" she asked him. Their friends would not hear them over their pleading for Will to tell them too.
"That's up to you," Jay said. He pulled Hailey a little closer. "We can know or we can let it be a surprise. Will can be the only one to know or …"
Hailey nodded but she didn't say anything more. Their friends' jovial arguments got their attention again.
"I can't tell you!" Will insisted, pushing Adam away. It seemed Adam was trying to get Will to whisper it in his ear. "If the dad doesn't know, what makes you think you get to know?"
Adam shrugged. "It's only so we can help him. Help them really."
"Man's got a point," Kevin added tipping his beer towards Adam.
"Look, this really should be Jay and Hailey's decision," Will said. "If they want to know or not and if they want other people knowing. It's their choice."
"Like it was their choice when you looked?" Trudy asked fixing him with a hard stare.
Will gulped. "It was a mistake!"
Trudy pursued her lips, some of its harshness lost in all the liquor she had had all night. Still, she was a force and had enough in her - tipsy or not - to scare Will Halstead. Wisely, Will took a few steps back.
Beside her, Hailey heard Vanessa laughing. "Come on, you think they're gonna take parenting advice from you experts?" she asked the rest of their unit.
"If Will knows, why can't we?" Adam asked.
"I didn't do it on purpose!" Will reminded them.
Hailey was trying hard to keep her displeased façade up but she knew Jay's pout was very real.
"Look," Will started, "I didn't mean to take this away from you guys. I was just there to make sure you were okay, Hailey." He reached for her hand and she found her anger melting away at the very sorry look in his eyes. "I'm sorry. And don't listen to these idiots," he said gesturing to their unit, "You guys are gonna be amazing parents and I know your little girl is gonna –"
"Oh my god!" Kim cried and Will froze. "Oh … it's -"
"No!" Will immediately cried desperately, taking a step back and wincing. "I didn't say that!"
Hailey sucked in a breath as she felt Jay squeeze her hand. She looked at her husband, to see he had the same look in his eyes.
"It's a girl," she whispered and the table fell quiet.
Jay looked at his brother only for a second. "Are you sure?"
There was no thought of jokes this time when Will nodded.
Jay let out a breathy laugh as Hailey felt the tears slip her iron grasp. "It's a girl," Jay repeated and Hailey grinned not caring for her tears at that moment.
Their friends rose in celebration, causing most of the bar to look their way. But Jay couldn't be bothered. He pulled Hailey close, kissing her softly. "It's a girl," he repeated reverently against her lips. "You know what this means right?"
Laughing she shook her head. She had no mind for anything but the pure joy she felt in her heart at that moment.
"I was right," Jay told her gleefully.
"Don't get too used to it," Hailey cheeked.
"I don't care," Jay waved off. "We're having a little girl."
Hailey threw her arms around his neck, hugging him close. She felt Jay press a kiss to her hair as he held her. She could feel the rumbles of his laughter echo against her heart.
When they pulled apart, Will was still standing there, looking slightly abashed. She might have had the mind to be angry that he had looked but she found that she couldn't care. Especially when Jay rose from his seat, reaching for his brother. Will readily returned the embrace, clapping his brother on the back.
"I'm gonna have a niece!" He called excitedly and everyone at their table laughed. He came around and Hailey hugged him.
"Thank you, Will," she whispered in his ear.
She didn't need to elaborate. He knew she meant it more than just for this moment.
"Alright," Vanessa called. "Now we definitely need to toast this!" She pulled Kevin towards the bar.
As they rounded up more drinks for their friends. Others had come over to congratulate Jay and Hailey. Kelly and Stella were the first among many; Stella's own bump was a little bigger than Hailey's. The Severides were expecting the first addition to their family soon. Sylvie and Casey, as well as Maggie, were all there when Vanessa returned with Kevin and Herrmann, both men distributing their drinks. As they waited for their friends to settle, Jay turned to Hailey and he was glad to see the beaming look on her face.
"You were right about one other thing," Hailey told him.
"What's that?"
"You gotta have faith, baby," she said, and he laughed.
"Now, I know you two aren't a fan of such attention," Will said and he was right. Hailey was tucked into Jay's side, her cheeks were aflame from all the attention. Jay too looked a little embarrassed but mostly, they looked happy. "But allow your friends – your family – this one chance to congratulate you. I think I speak for everyone when I say, I can't wait to meet her."
"No more than us," Jay spoke up despite all the attention.
Will looked the epitome of a proud brother when he raised his drink and their friends followed, "To baby girl Halstead. We love her already."
Hailey hugged Jay closer and he pressed a kiss to her lips, uncaring for a moment for their audience. Their friends all echoed Will's sentiments with great glee.
"Baby girl Halstead!" they all cheered.