A translation of En el ruedo by Chica Plutonio.
"Are you okay?"
Kim's voice sounds strangely soft, so different from her usual tone. Nathaniel tries to keep his face stiff, but a small muscle on his cheek shakes away.
Nothing is fine.
"Everything is fine." he replies, and sets off.
"Is everything okay?"
Punch. Left. Right. Punch. Rest. Punch. Punch.
"Everything is fine." He replies without stopping his exercise.
The tone is rude, surprisingly. Nathaniel had never spoken to her like this. A gesture of concern crosses Kim's face.
"Maybe I don't know you that well…" She insists. "But I don't think you're okay."
The punching stops immediately. The quiet void that remains in the air between them is as deep as the intensity of his fists seconds back. Kim is silent, anticipating the response. She sees Nathaniel's face give way, the hardness crumble, and his eyes fill with a grief that seemed infinite.
"You're right." He admits, turning his back on the woman. When he turns again, there is a tear flooding in his gaze. "It's over."
Kim doesn't need any more words to understand what he means. Her lips descend, sympathizing with the broken boy in front of her.
"I'm sorry, man. I didn't know that."
"It's fine." He replies, resuming his composure. "It was not going to work out in the end anyways."
Nathaniel turns his back on her again, ending the conversation, and begins to hit the punching bag again. Kim watches him silently, and although she does not know him all that well by now, she knows he is lying.
"We have to talk"
The phrase wakes something in him, but he was not about to leave her on read. He answered the message, gathering all his enthusiasm. Whatever it was, he wanted her to regain her spirits. In addition, he had a surprise for her.
"Okay" Smiley emoticon. " Video call?"
"Nope. It's better for us to talk like this."
He begins to prescient that something is not quite right with his girlfriend, but tries not to be too negative about it. They already had their ups and downs, like any relationship, and they had always come the other side, stronger for it. On the other hand, the blond boy was about to tell her something very important and he wanted her to be in the best mood possible when he finally says it.
"What's the big news?"
The response comes so fast that it takes a second to process.
"We have to break up"
The world stands still. Stop thinking, stop breathing. His eyes are glued to the screen, unable to stop reading those words.
He could not find the strength to respond. He did not see that she kept on writing until another message arrives, then another, and then another and another one.
"We can't go on like this"
"Three times a year is not enough"
"A relationship can't survive in these conditions"
"Sorry"
"I love you and you know it, but I can't stand it anymore"
"We're just hurting ourselves"
"I hope you understand"
The messages stop. A few seconds pass, his fingers do not move from place. He tries to come up with a response, but he does not have one.
"Please don't reach out to me anymore"
One
"Itwill be easier like this"
Stab
"It's better to put an end to it at once"
After
"Goodbye, Nathaniel"
Another.
The messages cease, this time definitively. A horrible feeling crawls through his body, and he throws himself into a crazy frenzy to find her. However, he realizes that it is useless. She is gone forever. She has blocked him from all her social media and even her cell phone. He knows this, even before he dials him to check to see whether she is still answering.
"It's better to put an end to it at once"
He leaves the phone on the table and tries not to look into his study area. He does it anyway, because he cannot believe how horrible life can be. On his work desk, as if it were an altar, there are two plane tickets. One for him. Another for her. The deed to an apartment. An engagement ring.
He hits the bag hard because he cannot find a better way to vent his feelings. For years, he had forced himself to repress his deepest feelings.
You are a man and you must behave as such!
I will not allow my son to act like a little bitch!
You are my only son.
Do not disappoint me.
At his father's house, it was not allowed to be real. Failure, shame, all of it was forbidden. It was not allowed to cry. Why now, that he was free, he could not do it? He feels his heart breaking, every word being a blow to his chest. Why of all the people, did she have to be the one who cared the most about the one that caused her so much pain?
Nathaniel wants to defend himself, put on a breastplate so that the blows of it do not hurt him, so that his chest stops hurting and he can recover the pieces. He wishes he could take that pain out of himself and pass it on to that sack, and give it back all the damage that is making a dent in him now.
His hands and arms are starting to pain him, but he still cannot stop.
"Stop." A voice begs. "You are hurting yourself."
It is not until he feels a hand resting on his forearm that it stops.
It is Kim. She watches him with a mixture of grief and concern, a sincerity so pure that for the first time she feels she can count on someone other than himself.
"Do you want to talk?"
He dropped his shoulders, defeated. He unsustains his knuckles unconsciously, the pain spreads throughout his arm and stops at his head. He drops to the ground and bows his head. Blonde hair falls on her forehead, some strands sticking to her sweaty skin. He relaxes his shoulders and lets out a sigh.
"It's over." he repeats. "We are over."
"You both seemed very happy together." Kim meditates, sitting next to him. "What happened?"
"The distance. Time. She's right. We're just hurting ourselves."
"You don't seem very convinced." Kim said.
"You don't know me so well, remember?" He quoted her own words from years ago.
Kim smiled softly. "Hey, if you really want to hit that sack, I have a pair of gloves that would fit wonderfully.
Nathaniel raised his face, and although his mouth remained down, his eyes showed a brief glow. He got up from the ground, and following Kim, he returned to the ring.
"I do know you." Kim said. "You're not okay at all."
Nathaniel had to grant it that one, but he kept it to himself. Not even dead would admit such a thing.
"Sucrette came back." He said dryly. "I don't want to see her again."
"Are you sure?"
Kim raises an eyebrow. It was evident that his answer did not convince her.
"You're treading dangerous ground." Warns Nathaniel. "You know I don't want to talk about it."
"I'm on your side." Kim reminded him, putting her hand on his shoulder. "But I don't plan to let you keep lying to yourself. For a long time, you lied to yourself, to others, and look how it turned out. You had to become something you're not, and I'm not going to let that happen again. You are my friend and friends take care of each other."
"Wow, how eloquent." He received another elbow, this time stronger. "But I remind you that Sucrette is a thing of the past, and so I plan to leave it."
Kim gives him a disapproving look, which disappeared as quickly as it came.
"Then leave the past behind. I saw how you talked to her. It seems that you want to take revenge on her."
Nathaniel frowns. He does not like to be lectured, but Kim is his friend, almost a sister, and he respects her.
"The Nathaniel she met was left in the past." He said. "Let her get used to it."
Kim feels a slight chill. He was really hurt. She knew full well that Nathaniel would get pretty angry if she told him how much he had changed. What he said it himself was a sign that he was completely determined.
However, at the same time, Kim knew that is not completely true. She knew Nath very well, and she knew full well that deep down he was still that attentive boy from high school, but the pain of a broken heart had buried this personality under a breastplate of hardness and aggressiveness.
"I don't think so." She dared to say. "You followed her. You wanted to make sure she arrived safely."
"You spied on us." He reproached, somewhat angry.
"My gym, my rules." She reminded. "No chit-chatting during training, not even for you Mr. This Is My Spot!"
That calmed him down a bit.
"Yes, Mom." He replied tiredly.
"Correction, coach.
They both smiled and let out a little chuckle. Nathaniel opened the door and let Kim through. In the background there was music, laughter and voices. Then he came out and closed the door behind him. They had reached their destination. A new night began, there would be friends, music and alcohol.
He would celebrate once again, drink until he proved he was superior to it all and he could forget about Sucrette.
At least, that was what he wanted the most.