Chris: Last week on Total Drama Island! 22 contestants from all over the fandom world arrived with the intent of winning the new and improved series now the most popular reality show in the Multiverse! In a reversal of history, the Killer Bass won the first challenge and the Gophers and their fans sent Patrick Star home! This week, another old challenge with a twist awaits them. It's time to dodge and dislodge! Who will rise on top this time on TOTAL DRAMA FANDOM ISLAND?
[The theme song plays.]
Dear Mom and Dad I'm doin' fine, you guys are on my mind [Patrick wakes up under the lake, pulls a Krabby Patty out of his pocket and eats it, burping and creating a small tidal wave towards the beach], you asked me what I wanted to be [Arthur and Sasha are having a picnic on the beach just as the tidal wave hits them] and I think the answer is plain to see, I wanna be famous [Cyborg is recharging himself with a solar panel array when the weather suddenly turns Arctic. Cut to Gray laughing and Hermione shaking her head] I wanna live close to the sun [Darcy is looking for the Immunity Idol on the river riding Amethyst, shape-shifted as a canoe. They fall into the waterfall]. Go pack your bags cause I've already won [Sans is standing asleep on a log, blipping out of the way just in time as Mabel rappels across with her grappling hook], everything to prove nothing in my way [Mabel slams into the outhouse, causing Seraphine to fall out], I'll get there one day. [Brian and Raymond, tied up, look on in horror as Chef serves them 'mystery meat', meanwhile Bakugou is armwrestling an arm of sand conjured by Gaara next to him. Bakugou loses.] Cause I wanna be famous. [LSP and Ponyhead are taking selfies by the steps on the beach] Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na! [Baljeet is writing on his organizer while Lisa is playing her saxophone as fireworks go off in the sky] I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous, I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous [At the campfire, Jett and Jason are about to kiss when Barry pops up and fines them] (Whistling in tune)
Italic means Confessional!
[The morning dawns and some contestants are already awake. Jett flies about the canopy, practicing her knifework. Barry and Raymond are catching bugs. Hermione and Baljeet are taking notes with Arthur on spell work, and Sasha is drilling the Bass, lightly because she herself wants to get the drill over as soon as possible for breakfast].
Lisa: Good morning all! Maybe there's time for me to meditate here, the nature and wildlife here are more diverse than I thought. Last time I heard; this place was a nuclear waste dumpsite.
[A squirrel blinks vertically]
Lisa: Yikes. Looks like the mutations are still active.
Amethyst: Is it breakfast yet? [lazily gets out of bed]
Seraphine: I hope so, I'm kinda starving
[Bass Cabin]
Gaara: I trust you two are getting along fine?
Gray: Uh, yeah, we're doing fine
Bakugou: Even if Icicle Breath wouldn't stop SNORING LAST NIGHT
Gray: I don't snore, that must've been you
Bakugou: WAS NOT!
Gray: Whoever heard it dealt it, buddy
[Gray and Bakugou begin to beat each other up]
Gaara: I'm glad I wasn't the eldest brother growing up, this is exhausting
LSP: That hot sauna was DIVINE, gurl. I can, like, feel my skin totally getting clearer!
Ponyhead: And that samgyupsal feast last night? Ugh, gurl this is the best summer camp ever!
Cyborg: I hope you ladies are ready for another PAR-TAYY tonight! We're having one of my famous Meatball Parties!
Sasha: WHOOO! MEATBALLS!
Baljeet: Please tell me they have pork or chicken
Cyborg: How about we invite the Gophers over?
Arthur: Indeed, a show of sportsmanship ought to lift their spirits
Ponyhead: A dinner with Seraphine performing? Count me in gurl
Darcy: Hi, Jason! Did you sleep well last night?
Jason: Er, yeah. I mean, now that Pat's gone, no one's snoring in the Boys' Cabin anymore
Darcy: I was thinking maybe we should sit together at breakfast to talk about the possible challenge
Darcy: Jason's cute, but I bet he'll be really easy to manipulate. All-American boys like him always are.
Jason: I've seen her type before, shoutout to Drew Nakamura, I hope the Aphrodite Cabin's doing well back at New York. I like Darcy's strategic mindset and all, but if she thinks she can make a pawn out of me, she'll have to try harder. I am NOT a Boy Scout [puffs chest]
Chris Intercom: OK, Campers! Settle down at Chef's for breakfast and meet me at the campfire in an hour!
Amethyst: What'll be the next challenge, gang?
Lisa: It should be the Awake-a-thon
Jett: How's it played?
Lisa: Try not to fall asleep. Last one awake wins for their team
Jett: And HOW LONG did the last cast go?
Lisa: Three days
Jett: They must've eaten coffee grounds out of a grinder!
Amethyst: Mmm, coffee grounds. I wonder if Chef's got some lying around the pantry?
[Breakfast table]
Jason: I have a plan
Jett: Tie Chef up and have Sasha cook for us instead?
Jason: No, about the challenge. If it's an Awake-a-Thon, I've got an idea on how to stay awake
Darcy: Let's hear it
Jason: We all hold hands
Darcy: Love it. It's settled
Jason: And I electrocute you all if I hear yawning
Darcy: Kinky, I love it
Amethyst: Should I transform myself into a wire cord and clamps? Where do I clamp on? Your ears? Your nipples?
Jason: [Nervous sweating] As my friend Leo will tell you, after a crazy experiment of his, my nipples are STRICTLY hands-off for any activity until further notice
Barry: That- sounded wrong
Barry: What did Leo do?! I have so many questions
Amethyst, in the outhouse with him: Gurl, same
Arthur: Staying awake for three days straight is asking for mental disorders! I hope we can find a spell to get around these adverse health effects
Ponyhead: What effects? I stayed awake for A WEEK watching Empress Ki, and I didn't feel anything!
[Close up to Ponyhead's face, showing eyebags, pimples and frizzled hair, with a scream in the background]
LSP: Um, chile, anyways so….
Cyborg: We can stay awake playing TCGs!
Baljeet: I have Magic: The Gathering cards!
Hermione: And I brought a chessboard, though I doubt it'll keep you awake
Gaara: If I may, only one needs to stay awake for the team to win, right?
Arthur: That is correct
Gaara: I'm pretty good at that. If I may, I might be able to win this for us
Sasha: What's your longest streak?
Gaara: Twelve-
Sasha: Days?
Gaara: -years
LSP: My eyes hurt just THINKING about it
Arthur: Splendid! We can focus instead on making a little mischief on the enemy team.
Cyborg: I know! I'll put on a ballerina suit and throw glitter at 'em!
Sasha: Let's give them baked potatoes. They'll get drowsy in no time!
[The campers gather at a large indoor ball court. Dodgeballs are strewn across the floor]
Lisa: Hold up, wait a minute
Mabel: DODGEBALL, WHOOO! They won't be ready for these mad SKILLS
Amethyst: Oh it is ON!
Chris: We thought of making a special challenge next week, so we cancelled the Awakeathon and moved Dodgebrawl a week earlier for you
Gaara: Crap. Well, at least it's still a game to my advantage
Arthur: We have a solid defense! I'm sure the lads can take care of offense
Baljeet: I wish I brought my safety gear. Dodgeball can get painful!
Chris: Well, you know the rules. If you get hit by a ball [throws ball at Hermione], you're OUT! If you catch a ball with your hands, the thrower is OUT and you bring in someone on your team. Teams start with 5 players each round and rounds end when one team is eliminated from the field. It's a Best of Five game, campers! Ten minutes to strategize! Oh! You can let loose with your powers, but only dodgeballs can eliminate enemy players. Feel free to destroy the balls, we've got millions of 'em! The more brutal the better! What better way to flex that additional 5% power than a good ol' dodgebrawl?
[Gophers]
Jason: So much for the Grace Chair
Amethyst: NOT THE GRACE CHAIR, PLEASE-
Darcy: OK, so we won't get zapped, but we do get to kick some butt! I've got ideas in store for the enemy team.
Jett: I can dodge fine, and my aim's pretty good
Raymond: I'm good at catching balls!
Brian: I think I'll sit out Round One, but I'll cheer you on
Seraphine: This sounds really fun, I wonder if I can distract them with singing?
Darcy: You do that, all the guys over there literally simp for you, use that and CRUSH their hearts and fragile masculinities! Then, we'll laugh at them
Seraphine: Dang, girl…
Seraphine: Darcy's almost as scary as Evelynn… almost…
Jett: Let's crush it! Lisa?
Lisa: I'll try my best not to get hit
Barry: It's just like throwing Pokeballs! How hard can it be?
Jason: Jett, Darcy, Amethyst, Barry and I will go first to test the waters. The rest of you can think of possible strategies
[Bass]
Arthur: Quidditch is a sport. This is just an American excuse for wanton barbarism. This will be child's play with our combined powers
Sans: Don't wanna toot my own horn, but I'm the Dodgeball Champion back home, just position me in front of her [points at Amethyst]
LSP: Ugh, poser
LSP: Sans thinks he's all cool and mysterious in some sorta way, but I can see all the signs that he's totally simping for Amethyst's lumps! Which aren't as fabulous as mine, but hey, there's no accounting for taste.
Gaara: Well, I suck at ball games [cue childhood flashbacks with kids screaming in the background] but I CAN stop the balls from hitting you
Hermione: We'll double up on defenses. The Protego Charm can easily deflect these Muggle balls.
Gray: I can throw up ice walls.
Bakugou: I'll incinerate their balls as soon as they throw 'em! Let's make these kids cry!
Cyborg: Heck yeah, this Dodgeball-Launchertron will have them running like babes in the woods!
Arthur: Let's not give them a minute to breath. Hermione, Gaara, Cyborg, Bakugou and Sans, you're up first!
Chris: Amethyst?
Amethyst: Yeah?
Chris: I've picked you for the secret challenge this week. You up to it?
Amethyst: Like, yeah, I'm in!
Chris: Great! Your challenge is to shapeshift into a dodgeball and hit at the enemy at least twenty times! No one must notice you're shapeshifting. Can ya do it?
Amethyst: Let's do this!
Chris: You have a choice to pick ONE confederate for this challenge.
Amethyst: Great! See you later, Chris!
Amethyst: Hmm, if I don't want to be noticed, I need someone who's a master of misdirection. Oh, I know!
Darcy: Well, you certainly came to the right person. And people you hit will still get eliminated?
Amethyst: Yup! I figured I needed your help here
Darcy: OK, but I will accept on one condition
Amethyst: Name it
Darcy: I tell you who to vote out if we lose
Amethyst: Sneaky, not my style, but OK
Amethyst: Wow, she really jumped at the chance to get even, huh?
Darcy: Everything's falling into place. Even if I lose, I'll be safe from elimination this time around!
Chris: Let's get ready to Dodgebrawl!
[Jett, Darcy, Amethyst, Barry and Jason face off against Hermione, Gaara, Cyborg, Bakugou and Sans]
Hermione: I know your tricks, wind girl. You're not faster than my spells
Jett: Bring it, bookworm!
Darcy: My illusions will slip through your defenses like they weren't even there!
Gaara: I've yet to be completely hoodwinked by genjutsu.
Amethyst: Stay outta my way, Cyborg, if you don't wanna get scrapped!
Cyborg: Girl, you're getting POOFED!
Barry: You're-
Bakugou: RUN YOUR MOUTH AND I'LL RUN YOU DOWN, TWIG!
Barry: [Hides behind Jason]
Jason: May the better team win!
Sans: Hey, if it's ducking and dodging, you guys don't stand a chance!
Vote on Strawpoll!
Who will win the Dodgebrawl?
/ash3j2gd6
Will Amethyst win her Weekly Challenge?
/b91v2qrb4
[First Round - Jett, Darcy, Amethyst, Barry and Jason vs. Hermione, Gaara, Cyborg, Bakugou and Sans ]
Jett: Everybody stick to their roles, and we'll crush it!
Amethyst: Initiating the beatdown! [flings dodgeballs like crazy]
Gaara: So predictable [blocks off the balls]
Jett: [sidesteps] Are we? [throws dodgeball]
Hermione: Indeed [blocks off ball with Protego]
Cyborg: DODGEBALL PARTY! [Machine-gun firing of dodgeballs]
Jason: Behind me! [He unleashes a blast of wind to deflect the balls]
Barry: Stay still! [throws ball at Sans]
Sans: Nah, I prefer a more active approach [blips again and again to dodge]
Darcy: Perhaps a little distraction is in order? [Conjures fake dodgeballs to go with a volley of dodgeballs Amethyst is throwing]
Hermione: Oh, no you don't! Revelio! [The illusions disappear]
Amethyst: [shapeshifts into dodgeball without anyone noticing] Gotcha!
[Hermione is hit!]
[Meanwhile, Jason eliminates Bakugou with an airborne throw and Barry is still trying to take down Sans to no avail]
Jason: You're awfully spread out
Gaara: Are we?
[Obligatory silence as Jason processes the fact that he just fucked up]
[Dodgeballs, levitating out of view thanks to Gaara's sand, begin falling down hard on the Gophers, hitting all five of them]
Sans: AAAND, THEY'RE OUT! [dabs]
Gaara: Well, it WAS Bakugou's idea
Bakugou: Got it from this girl I had to beat
Ponyhead: The WHAT
[Round 2]
Jason: OK, guys, we need a new plan
Amethyst: I got one
Jason: The floor is yours
Amethyst: Stop focusing on Sans! He's just tryna mess with us! You can already see he's more than able to shake off our attacks. But I noticed something about him
Seraphine: *gasps* That he's into you?
Amethyst: WHAT. No! I mean he doesn't like being in the spotlight.
Darcy: Point taken, so we take out all his teammates first…
Amethyst: And watch him crumple like a fucking crouton when he's pressed!
Darcy: Ugh, your mind, girl. Alright, I'm entering the fray as well
Darcy: I gotta give it to her, Amethyst can read well… Maybe, too well.. we'll just have to wait and see…
Jett: I'm still in
Barry: I can [falls to the floor]
Jason: Seraphine, feel up to it?
Seraphine: Um…
Raymond: I'll go for it!
[Round Two: Jason, Amethyst, Darcy, Jett and Raymond vs. LSP, Sasha, Gray, Bakugou and Sans]
Chris: This is shaping up to be the best dodgeball game EVER!
Amethyst: OK, guys! Like we planned!
Sans: Planning to give up? I did
Amethyst: [Ignores Sans]
Jason: Gaara's not playing this round?
Gaara: You deserve a chance to win a round. I'm not a merciless psychopath
Gaara: Anymore, at least…
Arthur: A palpable hit with the shade, my boy
LSP: Gray, we need to put up a wall so they can't hit my lumps!
Gray: You can literally dodge. You're flying
LSP: But I'm not good at- [get hit]
Jett: Cloudburst! Get it, coz it's [dodges ball from Bakugou]
Bakugou: Stay still!
Jett: That's such a Phoenix thing to say [flips into the air and throws more balls]
Raymond: [dodging ball after ball]
Darcy: Again, Amethyst! [casts Illusion Amethyst just as Amethyst disappears]
Darcy: Too bad your little fairy can't protect you this time!
Amethyst [shapeshifts very quickly and bounces around, hitting Gray and Bakugou]
Jett: We can win this- [gets hit in mid-dash]
Jett: How-
Sasha: You lead a moving target. I assume that's also a basic sniping rule they teach you in the Valorant Protocol, no?
[Sasha picks up another dodgeball]
Sasha: Airborne targets move fast, but it can also cost them maneuverability in a fight [hits Jason]
Sasha: [throws a ball at Raymond, then hits him with another one] You misdirect a skittish target easily
[Sasha gets hit]
Amethyst: AND A MONOLOGUING TARGET IS EVEN EASIER TO HIT!
Jett: Nice one!
Sans: Please tell me I'm not the last player standing [starts sweating]
Sans: Guess I gotta go all out [Dodgeballs start levitating menacingly at the Gophers]
Amethyst: Oh, and WHAT?! You're gonna hit somebody? Bring it!
Sans: [loses concentration]
Amethyst: [Hits Sans with a ball]
Darcy: YES! Make that simp suffer!
Chris: GOPHERS WIN ROUND 2! How will this play out now?
Montage of Rounds 3 and 4. Cyborg fires dodgeballs like machine gun fire, eliminating three Gophers. Raymond gets hit again. Brian tries to dodge,but fails. Darcy and Hermione fire hex after hex, their spells canceling out in brilliant sparks of magic. Arthur's hexes to make Jason fall are less effective. Gray and Bakugou attack each other instead of the Gophers. Baljeet and Barry eliminate each other at the same time throwing balls at each other. Ponyhead throws herself in front of Gray to save him from a ball. Seraphine distracts the Bass with her singing, allowing Amethyst to eliminate several of them. Gaara ends Round Four in seconds by the same strategy as Round One.
The score is 2-2.
Round Five: Jason, Amethyst, Darcy, Lisa and Brian vs. Gaara, Sasha, Sans, Hermione and Ponyhead [Everyone else is already quite injured]
Chris: It's do or die!
[The fighters run at each other like the Airport Battle from Captain America: Civil War]
Jason eliminates Ponyhead from above
Sasha shoots down Jason
Darcy creates copies of the contestants to throw Sasha off
Hermione uses Revelio
Mabel swings at Cyborg and eliminates him
Amethyst eliminates Hermione while she's distracted
Lisa and Brian fall to Gaara's balls
Darcy: Well, I guess it's time to pull this out!
[A huge amount of balls, made Invisible by Darcy earlier, cascades down on the Bass]
[Gaara blocks off the entire attack with Sand]
Darcy: Damn!
Gaara: Sorry, but this just wasn't the best game for you
Sans: [throws ball at Amethyst]
Amethyst: [catches it]
[Collective gasp]
Amethyst: Jason, now!
Jason: [returns to field and eliminates Sasha, who was mispositioned]
Sans: I- that- [gets eliminated by Darcy]
Darcy: I LOVE smashing skeletons!
Gaara: Well, perhaps I should take this seriously now [hits both Amethyst and Darcy]
Amethyst: You can do it, Jason!
Jett: The final showdown!
Ponyhead: But why does it look like a gay couple in a manhwa that's about to break up because one of them has to take law school in the city and abandon their dreams of studying Music together?
LSP: Girl what
Barry: Jason's in big trouble! Electric doesn't work on Ground!
Gaara: I'm winning this for my team, Grace. [sand now completely engulfs him and more balls fly out as the sand throws them at Jason]
Jason: [deflects all the dodgeballs with a burst of static electricity]
Jason: I'm doing this for the team, too. And I'm not letting anybody get sent home again! [Jason begins charging electricity]. You're not the only one who gave their moves and weaknesses away
Gaara: [eyes twitch]
Jason: Unlike what Barry said, you're not really a "Ground-Type", whatever that is. Your sand is held together by a magnetic force powered by your energy [dashes at Gaara]. Magnetism that can be disrupted by an electrical field! [Charges the dodgeball with static and shoves it inside the sand]
Mabel: Yuh! Get into it!
Chris: Gaara has been hit. Gophers take Round Five. The Gophers won 3-2!
Gaara: [slow clapping] Well played, Jason
[Dinner Table]
Jett: Oh, man, we'll be feeling SO GOOD this week now that we got control of the pool!
Darcy: Jason, that read earlier was SO AMAZING, I think we're all lucky to have you as the team leader
Jason: Thanks, I guess
Seraphine: The power of our trust and friendship carried us through, gang. Cheers!
Lisa: To friendship!
Darcy: Guys, I don't wanna be that girl, but me AND the reject My Little Pony across the cafeteria just gagged
Ponyhead: Oh, man, that should be US cheerin' about friendship and stuff! We were doing SO well!
Gray: Correction. WE were doing so well. You and Cotton Candy Princess over there were being cannon fodder every single Round you played in
LSP: It's so hard to focus with so many cute guys throwing their balls at you!
Ponyhead: Bestie, that sounded wrong
Hermione: Let's not be too hard on ourselves. It was a good fight!
Arthur: Indeed! We may lose a battle, but we'll win the war!
Baljeet: All but one of us, I fear, since one will be evicted
Bakugou: You volunteerin', runt?
Chris: I'm happy to announce that ALL Gophers will have Invincibility for this week! And sad to say that Amethyst did NOT win her individual challenge!
Amethyst: WHAT?! Oh, well, at least we won
Darcy: Uh-huh, and we can still revisit our deal anytime, if either of us get a chance to be the challenge-takers
Chris: Amethyst, you were doing so well, unfortunately ONE Bass did notice what you were up to
Amethyst: Gaara? Nothing gets past him!
Chris: Nope!
Jett: Sasha? She's got a great deal of aim and attention
Chris: Nope! It was Sans!
Amethyst and Darcy: WHAT?!
Sans: Hey, noticing anomalies in the spacetime-continuum is MY job, and a girl vanishing and an extra dodgeball appearing in her place is DEFINITELY an anomaly
Amethyst: So THAT'S why you were so distracted!
Sans: Yup, had to look twice to be sure you weren't cheating or hacking. I hate that. Then Chris told me about the challenge.
Amethyst: I thought you were distracted because-
Sans: Because I was simping? Heck, no! I ain't no simp!
LSP: The fact that Queen Toriel of Ebbott's contact number is in your phone on speed dial as "Cutie Pie '' says otherwise.
Sans: [internal screaming]
Ponyhead: Drag him, bestie!
Gaara: But that was still impressive. I didn't notice Amethyst at all
Sasha: Neither did I. I was just having so much fun with dodgeball!
Mabel: Three cheers for having fun today!
All: Hip hip hooray!
[Campfire]
Chris: Killer Bass, cast your votes!
Arthur: One each for Ponyhead, LSP and Sans. I do not think they're expendable, but it is sufficient penalty for what happened with their game
Sasha: One each for Ponyhead, LSP and Bakugou. I think what we need is a quieter vibe and some focus
Hermione: Two for Ponyhead, one for LSP. I just don't think they're giving what needs to be given in this competition
LSP: Three for Gray, he has no feelings whatsoever for what my bestie did for him earlier!
Ponyhead: Three for Gray: I took a ball and he let me fall. Sis, I am devastated
Cyborg: Man, everybody's so fun to be in a team with. A'ight, since I think nobody's voting for me, let me just take these three L's for the team!
Gray: One each for LSP, Ponyhead and that burning idiot Bakugou
Bakugou: This is my chance! Three for that frozen dipshit!
Sans: One each for Bakugou, LSP and Ponyhead. Can't take a joke, any of 'em
Baljeet: Oh, I feel so powerful with this anonymity! THREE FOR BAKUGOU! [I HEARD YOU, YOU LITTLE TWERP-camera goes static]
Gaara: With how utterly devastated I am that I couldn't help my friends win, I'm nominating myself thrice
Chris: OK! Arthur! Sasha! Hermione! Baljeet! You guys got NO VOTES!
Arthur: Marvelous!
Hermione: Absolutely!
Sasha: Hooray!
Baljeet: Oh, good!
Chris: Now, the highest contestant got nine votes, so everybody with five votes or higher is nominated! There are four nominees this week!
[Everyone murmuring]
Chris: LSP and Ponyhead! You served iconic lines all week, but you completely FLOPPED at the Dodgebrawl!
LSP: At least we were fabulous doing it
Chris: You're BOTH nominated this week!
LSP: Ohmyglobthiscan'tbehappening
Ponyhead: Like, I know. We were doing so good!
Chris: Sans! Your simping cost your team the challenge!
Sans: I WAS NOT simping!
Chris: But your team said it's ok, coz you're NOT nominated!
Sans: Well, at least I'm skipping the vote
Chris: Gaara and Cyborg! You both talked of winning the whole thing for the Bass, maybe your teammates feel disappointed
Gaara: It's true
Cyborg: We flopped!
Chris: But NEITHER OF YOU are nominated!
Cyborg: THANK YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!
Gaara: [Bows to team] Thank you for giving me your trust
Chris: Which leaves us with Gray and Bakugou. Your bickering has gotten on the nerves of your teammates and now you have BOTH been nominated. The four of you now have a chance to appeal to the fans!
Ponyhead: STARMEWNITY WE ARE FUCKING UNDER ATTACK!
LSP: Adventurers, I am being hated on by these smooth posers! Help me!
Gray: Do your thing, fans. What are our fans called, again? And Juvia, PLEASE do not send death threats to the voters, I'm sure I won't be evicted
Bakugou: Unless you background characters wanna watch Season Six in body bags this Fall, you'd better vote to save me. And vote out Gray!
Chris: Vote on Strawpoll!
Save: /ose3w59w5
Eliminate: /yqurrg6ra
[Three days later]
Chris: Welcome back, Bass! As of today, the polls are closed and the results are SHOCKING!
Hermione: Good Lord, not a double elimination…
Arthur: I'm sure it won't be anything that desperate, my dear
Chris: Not really, but the fact is, EVERYONE'S tied with a net vote of zero!
LSP: So, like, what happens now?
Chris: I'm giving you guys an hour of freetime, because after that, you will have a traditional elimination vote to decide who goes home!
[Bass Cabin]
Gray: Hey, Pony, are you there?
Ponyhead: [turns off phone] Whut? Sorry, I was binge-watching…
Gray: Look, I'm sorry if I didn't appreciate your help back there at the game, but-
Ponyhead: Aww! It's nothing, baby, anything for you
Gray: But the point is, if Bakugou can convince the others that he's useful to the team, which he is, it's either you or LSP going to the dock next
Ponyhead: Omigosh, what can we do?!
Gray: You, me and LSP have to vote for Bakugou, and we need three more votes to make it a majority
LSP: What's this about making me walk the dock?! These lumps are too fabulous to be an early elimination! I'm in!
Baljeet: Please count me in, too. I am terrified of the repercussions of my overheard monologue a few days ago
Sans: Same. We could use some quiet at the boys' side of the cabin
Gray: Great, now we only need one more vote
Ponyhead: I say let's gaslight Hermione into voting Bakugou! Come on! She's a class president Miss goody two-shoes and he's a class delinquent! They're campus natural enemies!
[Outside]
Gray: Hey, Hermione, do you think we should
Hermione: Vote off Bakugou while he's blindsided by the possibility of all of us voting out one of the glam girls? Why, yes, it's only logical. I can't stand foulmouthed blond bullies!
Gray: Well… that was easy…
[Campfire]
Chris: OK, campers! All eleven of you casted your votes, and the one who is going home, with six votes against four for the next contestant is… Katsuki Bakugou
Bakugou: WHAT?!
Arthur: Your next line is "I demand a recount!"
Hermione: I'd say it's "Wait til' my father hears about this", but I give you the credit of not being half the ninny Draco Malfoy is
Bakugou: GAH, WHO NEEDS THIS FUCKING TV SHOW ANYWAY?! [kicks Chris]
Chris: Ouch! I'm getting deja vu on top of that!
[The campers gather at the Dock of Shame, where a boat is arriving to take Bakugou home]
Gaara: Well, you didn't get along much with Gray, but at least that's not going to be necessary anymore
Bakugou: THAT SNEAKING BASTARD LOBBIED TO VOTE ME OUT!
Gray: Well, hey, this isn't a kids' game
Bakugou: I'M GONNA FUCKING RIP YOUR HEAD OFF, YOU-
Gray: Hey, Chris, we're all at 15% now because of the elimination, right? [encases Bakugou's body up to the neck in ice]
Gray: And for good measure [freezes Bakugou's mouth]
Gray: There, much better
[The other UA students come to pick up their classmate]
Midoriya: Well… I hate to say "I told you so", but I did tell you to be nice to the other contestants, Kacchan…
Bakugou: [muffled angry noises]
Todoroki: Oh, I see someone already went ahead with the safeties [examines the ice]
Gray: You're welcome
Uraraka: That one million dollars, though.. I wish I was the one who got picked, I bet I could've Merged easily!
Chris: Campers, give it up for Class 1A! They might get another representative next season
[moderate clapping]
Hermione: We've heard so much about their exploits back home. We hope they'll have a representative at the Hidden Peoples Summit later this year!
[Yaoyorozu in the back: HERMIONE, OH MY GOODNESS!]
Jiro: No one's getting on the island to get Seraphine's autograph! [snakes her cords towards Seraphine to get an autograph] Except me, of course!
Jett: Hey, I don't see the short balls boy…
Iida: We left Mineta at home, for the safety of all the female competitors…
Jett: Ok… thanks?
LSP: He try to touch these lumps, he's a dead man
Darcy: Nobody wants to touch those basic hydrogen gas clouds, pixie
Sasha: Goodbye, Bakugou!
Bakugou: [melts the ice in his mouth] WHAT'S WITH THE SAD BACKGROUND MUSIC, I AIN'T DOING ONE OF THOSE STUPID FLASHBACKS-BEFORE WALKING-AWAY-INTO-THE-SUNSET SCENES! THIS AIN'T OVER YET! I'LL BE BACK, YOU HEAR ME, YOU STUPID BACKGROUND CHARACTERS?! AND WHEN I DO, I'M BURNING THIS ISLAND TO THE FUCKING GROUND!
Ponyhead: He has such a way with words
Sasha: I could've fixed him
LSP: Forget fixing, I could make him worse
Ponyhead: That's some toxic energy, bestie
Chris: Two down, twenty to go! Get ready for a real nightmare after Valentines on the next episode of TOTAL! DRAMA! FANDOM! ISLAND!