Chris: Last week on Total Drama Island! We had an upgraded version of Dodgebrawl, and ended up creating what may be the most EPIC dodgeball fight in history! Jason and Gaara played generals against each other as Amethyst worked with Darcy to hoodwink the rest of the players so she could win her challenge. Too bad simpy Sans kept an eye on her! In the end, a tied audience vote led to a sneaky alliance that led to the elimination of the hotheaded hero Katsuki Bakugou.
This week, we're doing an all-new challenge week right smack in the middle of the Month of Looove. Who will ride the love on top? Who will be an angel with a shotgun to a wolf in sheep's clothing? Who'll fall off the darkside into a pit of vipers and who will end up being somebody you used to know? Find out this week on TOTAL! DRAMA! FANDOM! ISLAND!
[The theme song plays.]
Dear Mom and Dad I'm doin' fine, you guys are on my mind [Patrick wakes up under the lake, pulls a Krabby Patty out of his pocket and eats it, burping and creating a small tidal wave towards the beach], you asked me what I wanted to be [Arthur and Sasha are having a picnic on the beach just as the tidal wave hits them] and I think the answer is plain to see, I wanna be famous [Cyborg is recharging himself with a solar panel array when the weather suddenly turns Arctic. Cut to Gray laughing and Hermione shaking her head] I wanna live close to the sun [Darcy is looking for the Immunity Idol on the river riding Amethyst, shape-shifted as a canoe. They fall into the waterfall]. Go pack your bags cause I've already won [Sans is standing asleep on a log, blipping out of the way just in time as Mabel rappels across with her grappling hook], everything to prove nothing in my way [Mabel slams into the outhouse, causing Seraphine to fall out], I'll get there one day. [Brian and Raymond, tied up, look on in horror as Chef serves them 'mystery meat', meanwhile Bakugou is armwrestling an arm of sand conjured by Gaara next to him. Bakugou loses.] Cause I wanna be famous. [LSP and Ponyhead are taking selfies by the steps on the beach] Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na! [Baljeet is writing on his organizer while Lisa is playing her saxophone as fireworks go off in the sky] I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous, I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous [At the campfire, Jett and Jason are about to kiss when Barry pops up and fines them] (Whistling in tune)
Italic means Confessional!
[Gopher Cabin]
Raymond: [is decorating the cabin with pink hearts]
Brian: [wakes up] Man, it's been real quiet since that loud kid got eliminated, wait what the f-
Raymond: Bonjour, Brian! It's the week of Valentines! I actually have no idea what exact day it was, but I know it's within a week! Back home, we celebrate Valentines with decorations and mugs of hot chocolate!
Brian: That , uh, sounds nice, Ray, but I'll have to say no to the chocolates
Raymond: We make caramel fudge for the dog villagers back home [offers Brian caramel fudge]
Brian: Er, thanks…
Jason: Keep your eyes peeled, Cupid might pay the island a visit and he's NOT a friendly cherub. Last time we met, he dragged someone out of the closet without consent
Barry: Was it a big closet, or… oh. Oh that's not very nice…
Jason: Just be… vigilant
Jett: Look, Phoenix paradropped me some chocolates! It's very Hunger Games-ish to get packages here
Seraphine: Aww! I'll just take a few minutes to give my fans an update, I've always given them a love song cover on Valentines
Mabel: Are you expecting chocolates, too, Lisa?
Lisa: Not really, though I have penpals, they're more of platonic friends than valentines
Mabel: Ah, there it is! [another package falls from the sky]
Mabel: Don't tell him, but I was expecting Gideon to pull some strings to sneak this in [pulls out a Valentines Day card from Gideon, tosses it away and grabs a bag of Smile Dip]
Lisa: Smile Dip?! That's banned in North America!
Mabel: I know, right? Want some?
[They begin eating and get wasted in minutes]
Darcy: I am gaining pounds just LOOKING at them eat that glop
[Bass Cabin]
[Arthur and Cyborg are cheerfully decorating the cabin]
Hermione: I just received my Valentines Cards via owl, oh I thought Ron might forget!
LSP: A swarm of letters from my adoring fans is due any minute now
[nothing]
LSP: Any minute now
[still nothing]
LSP: STOP GHOSTING ME!
Gray: [walks in with Juvia, frozen in a block of ice]
Gaara: What's that you have there?
Gray: A smoothie
Gaara: I MEANT the woman frozen in ice next to you
Gray: Oh, this is my girlfriend. She swam her way in to greet me today, as she does every year
Arthur: This is something straight out of a sitcom
Cyborg: She's sounding like a whole freak
Gray: Just help me find Chris so we can airlift her back to our Guild, okay?!
[Breakfast Table]
Amethyst: I just got the SPICIEST love letters today, and I'm pretty sure I know who they're from
Brian: Spicy as in really really kinky?
Amethyst: No, I mean they tasted spicy, like they were soaked in hot sauce or something
Brian: You ate them?! Oh, well, I've been there
[Sans waves from across the cafeteria]
[Amethyst waves back]
[The Grounds]
Sasha: So, what's the challenge this week? I hope it's got something to do with Valentines' Day!
[The grounds are covered with a large, sprawling, unnatural-looking series of buildings with a very noir look]
Darcy: I love black, but that's overdone
Chris on a jetpack: Campers! This will be the latter half of the challenge once it's done! We're just polishing out the animatronics!
Lisa: The WHAT
Mabel: Do they sing?!
Brian: Do they bite?
Sans: Do they get a bit quirky at night?
Chris: Anyhoo, just meet me at the beach, perfect day for it!
Hermione: What was with those awful buildings?
Arthur: They look oddly familiar to me
[Beach]
Chris: And now, please give a warm welcome to our Revenge of the Island cast!
[The ROTI contestants emerge from a motorboat]
[The 20 current contestants wave]
Chris: The teams are dissolved for this week's challenge! YOu'll be doing it in pairs! I have to attend to completing the funhouse for the second half of the challenge, so Zoey will explain Part One for ya! Take it away, guys! [flies off]
Zoey: Hey, guys! So as you know this series has a lot of sponsors to keep it running the way Chris does [explosion and screams in the distance]. So the next challenge is also a thinly-veiled way of giving back to the sponsors
Jett: And just how are we supposed to do that?
Anne Maria: You guys are going to create cheesy romantic commercials for each of our sponsors! Now ain't that a chance at a big break?
Seraphine: OMG, commercial ads?! Guys, we can totally win this!
Scott: Oh, but you guys ain't gonna do it by groups, you're doing it by pairs
Raymond: [chef's kiss]. It is a romantic advertising challenge, no?
Brick: That's right! You're gonna do this drill with a buddy of your choice! [puts arm around Scott tightly]
Scott: [choking noises]
Jo: Not the best kind of challenge for my taste, but the results are hilarious [presses remote control]
A TV screen displays a romantic commercial for the Krusty Krab: It's Scott 'proposing' to Brick with a Triple Patty Deluxe on a bench in a flowery public park. "The Krusty Krab: Give him something other than the krussy this Valentines!"
Jo: [maniacal cackling]
Scott: I poured my entire acting talent on that scene!
Brick: And it's not my fault they didn't tell me the burger was an inedible prop!
Lightning: Y'all were spot on there, dudes! Don't let Jo bring ya down, he's just jealous he didn't get the part!
Jo: FOR THE LAST TIME, I'M A-
Anne Maria: Lemme continue the spiel, chile, first you guys have fifteen minutes to pair up, then you will pick one of us to be your cameraman, makeup artist, lackey and WAIT A FRICKING SCHMINUTE HERE, CHRIS, THIS AIN'T ON THE CONTRACT!
Zoey: Well, good thing I've always wanted to do short films
Jason and Jett: DO YOU WANT TO… YES! I MEAN… OK, LET'S DO THIS
Ponyhead: If it's gonna be a REAL good commercial, I need a man who can keep up
Raymond: purrs
Ponyhead: You'll do, let's go [Best Friend plays in the background]
Gray: Wizards stick together?
Hermione: Oh, well, I guess [laughs]
Mabel: Time to use my grappling hook and find me a man! [fires grappling hook, then drags back Baljeet with it] Hooray!
Baljeet: Hooray, too, I guess
Lisa: We need sapphic representation here!
Sasha: I'm in! I love surfing!
Lisa: Great! Wait, what-
Darcy: Gah! Jason's taken! You, discount Sky! You're coming with me!
Barry: Yes ma'am
Darcy: Don't call me ma'am!
Barry: Sorry, ma'am. Sorry, ma'am? Sorry!
Darcy: This is going to take a while and some sanity
Brian: I'm a bestselling author, you're a bestselling author. I'm just saying, law of attraction and-
LSP: YOU'RE PERFECT
Amethyst: So, you're game?
Sans: Why not? It's a beautiful day outside. Birds are singing, flowers are blooming
Amethyst: And boys like you should be spewing out bad puns!
Cyborg: Seraphine! Would you?
Seraphine: Of course, Cyborg!
Arthur: Right, that leaves…
Gaara: [awkward silence]
Arthur: Well?
Gaara: Would you like to, or not, or…
Arthur: My boy, I've been alive for one thousand six hundred and ten years, do you really think I spent all that time playing for the same team?
Zoey: Great! Now, all eleven of us are carrying these rolled-up papers that contain instructions for your commercial scenes, you can pick any of us and we'll work together for the challenge!
Lisa: Where's Sam and Dakota?
Zoey: Er, they're 'helping' Chris with the second challenge
The Teams:
Jason, Jett and Zoey
Ponyhead, Raymond and Staci
Brian, LSP and Anne Maria
Darcy, Barry and Mike
Hermione, Gray and Lightning
Lisa, Sasha and Dawn
Gaara, Arthur and Brick
Baljeet, Mabel and Cameron
Amethyst, Sans and Scott
Cyborg, Seraphine and B
Zoey: Now, we go to our stations, and I guess Jo can take over as emcee since I got a team and she didn't
Jo: Ugh, thank goodness, I'm not exactly interested in this challenge
Lightning: You do know y'all can get sha-canceled for getting Jo's pronouns wrong, right
Jo: I'M GOING TO KILL YOU, RUDOLPH
Team Zoey
Jett: OK, so what did we get?
Zoey: Right, it's… for a bubblegum brand
Jason: What kind? Minty ones?
Zoey: Yep, one of those 'crazy, unbelievable flavor' kinds
Jett: Ooh, Killjoy loves this brand. Let's get it right for her
Jason: You're thinking what I'm thinking?
Zoey: Yeah, what's the feeling that ALL mint gums claim to give you?
Unison: LIKE SKYDIVING!
Team Staci
Ponyhead: Omigosh, Staci, your ancestors were like, s ahead of their time!
Raymond: Right, but let's get to the task at hand, what's the commercial?
Staci: Oooh, let's see. Oh, my ancestors didn't make this. A commercial for cheesy carbonara-flavored instant tteokbokki
Ponyhead: Raymond, we're going to kill them with this!
Raymond: Right! Do you know what's cheesier than this instant carbonara? Old soap opera lines!
Ponyhead: Ugh, Ray, your mind!
Staci: Let's get filming! Did you know my uncle Shamus invented plot twists!
Ponyhead: [gasps] what a plot twist!
Team Anne Maria
LSP: Gurl, I need to know your hair routine
Brian: Is it a hundred abdominal crunches, because that hairdo just knocked out a bird in mid-flight?
Anne Maria: No, it's my favorite brand of hairspray! Which is also coincidentally, the brand you're promoting!
Brian: Let's do a musical short! I still know all the songs from Hairspray!
LSP: What's it about?
Brian: So I proceeded to tell her more than she probably needed to know about Broadway and theater, but I think she really gets it
LSP: I don't know half the stuff Brian was talking about, but I'm all about body positivity and inclusion, whatever that last one is
Anne Maria: I almost got the lead there once! I think I gave my opposite lead a concussion during a dance number, though…
Team Mike
Mike: OK! You guys got a jewelry store ad
Darcy: Yes! Cover me until I'm icier than my sister!
Barry: How about a script where the guy keeps trying to find a perfect gift until he decides it's diamonds! Straight out of the Sinnoh Underground and painstakingly polished by trained Diancies!
Darcy: I like where this is going
Barry: We need a mine location
Mike: And there's one right here in Wawanakwa! Let's get going, but I think Manitoba can help you better with this task
Darcy: Who's Manitoba
Mike: [gasps]
Manitoba: I'm Manitoba Smith and I'm afraid of nothing!
Barry: Cool!
Team Lightning
Lightning: Your sha-task is to make a romantic advertisement for a school that wants to sha-radicate bullying!
Gray: Well, that's easy. Let's just do the whole bully x nerd-girl cliche
Hermione: Well, that's what everyone would expect, but let's put a bit of a twist!
Gray: C'mon, this ain't even the whole challenge
Hermione: Even so, the points we'd lose for not doing our best could get us lost. Or worse, eliminated
Lightning: And nobody likes that! C'mon, team, let's go for that sha-win!
Team Dawn
Dawn: I knew I picked the right paper! I could feel it connecting to my soul
Lisa: What's the task?
Dawn: Your romantic advertisement is for a vegan fast food chain!
Lisa: Lemme see. Oooh, this script is so woke. I love it!
Sasha: You did say vegan, right?
Sasha: [sobs]. I don't know if I can do this! I've never cheated on my meat.. [sniffle]
Team Brick
Brick: Alright, troops! Your mission is to make a romantic advertisement for a public library that wants to cultivate an atmosphere of inclusivity on top of promoting more borrowing!
Arthur: Ah, yes, that should be easy enough
Gaara: So what's the plan?
Arthur: Have you ever watched the YouTube video In a Heartbeat?
Team Cameron
Cameron: Alright, our client wants us to make a commercial for, ooh, Smile Dip! My mom made me avoid that stuff like the plague!
Mabel: [screaming] We need lots of glitter! And puppies! We need a fog machine and a good CGI artist!
Baljeet: Do you have a laptop with you, Cameron?
Cameron: Sure do, and it's got the software you'll need for a few special effects for the video!
Team Scott
Scott: Your project is for the Chokey Chicken fast food chain. Man, I love that stuff!
Sans: Is that why you tend to choke a lot?
Scott: No, it was that stupid Brick earlier!
Amethyst: Well, if it's fast food, I got a fast idea! [shapeshifts into a souped-up pickup truck]
Scott: Wow
Sans: It's country time
Team B
B: [shows the paper, which says their client is an animal welfare non-profit company that wants to encourage people to adopt]
Seraphine: Aww, this hits so close to home, I remember when I adopted Bao
Cyborg: Do we get to hold all the cute puppies we want?!
Chris: So, Jo. How are the teams doing?
Jo: Oh, lemme see [binoculars]
The airheads are skydiving
The two talking animals are fighting and throwing furniture at each other
The dog and the talking cotton candy puff are trying to bring the 70's back
Eyeshadow is making Twig her pet bitch
The two DnD nerds are arguing about school stuff
Miss Pearl-Necklace is force-feeding Rappel Girl something while Treehugger films
Raccoon-Eyes and Bug Brows are having a picnic
The two twerps over there are zooming out on candy
Purple Girl and her Boney Boyfriend are trying to re-enact Mad Max or something
Robo-Lightning and Sparkliana Grande are drowning in puppies
Chris: Thank you, Jo. I hope you're ready for what we've got in store for the newbies!
Jo: Well, if it's anything like from our season
Chris: Oh, no, Jo! It's worse
Who will win the Romantic Commercial Challenge? Vote on Strawpoll!
/83xrb3jky
[Zoey ushers the contestants back to the sprawling 'funhouse' for part 2 of the challenge]
Seraphine: Oh dear, I hope we did OK there!
Cyborg: Don't worry! Everybody loves puppies, we'll win on that alone!
Arthur: I say, that's a rather ugly theme park up ahead
Barry: I know, right? Makes Lavender Town look like a tourist attraction
Ponyhead: Wonder what the challenge is?
LSP: Besties, it's a makeover challenge! We need to remake this town, yassify it and stuff. Luckily, for us, I'm like, the fashion guru back home
Darcy: Oh, and WHAT, you're gonna make this town shine bright like diamonds?
Chris: This challenge'll be closer to Disturbia than Diamonds, ladies!
Brian: Horror? In a Valentines' Day episode?
Lisa: Well, the whole holiday is a nightmare for ace/aro people
Chris: And quite the little nightmare we've got in store for you! [laughs] This beauty here is a painstakingly-made replica of the Pale City from Little Nightmares 2! I hope you've heard of that game
Seraphine: How could you NOT?! I did a Twitch stream for that game last year, and I am still emotionally-damaged!
Baljeet: Terrifying! I almost begged Phineas and Ferb not to make a VR-360 full-immersion version of that game last summer!
Lisa: Some things will never leave your mind once you let them in, like that damned soundtrack
Amethyst: That ending had me like WHAT?! WHAT THE FUCK?!
Barry: The world failed to protect a smile that day
Chris: The pairs will prove the power of their love and friendship by braving this horror-filled obstacle course! Put on your complimentary Six and Mono outfits at the back! This course is two parts: The first stage involves the Sixes getting their Monos across the course in as little time as possible by guiding them (because we forgot to cut eye holes on the paper bags, hehe) while braving the monsters. This will be thirty points for the Sixes, the Monos get 30 automatically. The second course happens afterwards, where the Monos have to stay in the pink room for as long as they can. All Sixes get thirty points there automatically. The lowest total scorer along with the commercial ad scores is ELIMINATED!
Hermione: The boys have it so easy! What could be simpler than staying in a room?!
Chris: Alright, let's see a demo from my favorite pair of dupes, er I mean former contestants! Give it up for Sam and Dakota!
[The TV screen shows Sam and Dakota navigating through the maze, screaming as animatronics chase them]
[Dakota and Sam burst through the exit]
Sam: Now THAT was an immersion!
Dakota: Chris, either my dad's lawyers will kill you, or I will, personally [hand mutates into clawed paw]!
Hermione: Is she an Animagus?
Arthur: No, she's just a victim of poor waste management
Dakota: Well, since I got to start controlling my 'other side', it's been a really fun ride for Sam and me. I've gotten so many projects on kaiju films!
Gray: As the damsel in distress or the monster?
Dakota: Both! I took meditation lessons from this Radiant lady from Tibet whom Dawn introduced me to. She gave me this beautiful jade necklace to help me control my transformations
Jason: Radiant lady?
Jett: Must be Sage. She's always ready to help people deal with their newfound powers responsibly
Sam: So this obstacle course is probably one of the most dangerous events ever held on this island, but I've got a hint for you! Hug the foreground!
Seraphine: Right! The animatronics aren't programmed to go there!
Lisa: Um, but the foreground only exists in-game, not in this version, or…?
Sasha: Let's not overthink it! Let's get in there, get it done and get out!
Jett: Sounds like a plan, so, where are the uniforms?
Darcy: I am NOT wearing that yellow raincoat OR that nasty ragamuffin jacket!
Lisa: I feel like a Ghibli character in this
Mabel: Do these come in pink or teal?
Gaara: I've seen lots of headgear but a brown paper bag is certainly a first for me
Jason: I look stupid in this coat
Jett: Jason looks so stupid in that outfit. I love it
LSP: I'm about to make raincoats happen
Darcy: STOP! They are not going to happen!
Raymond: Well, I'm about to make trench coats crisp!
Ponyhead: Serving Junji Ito realness, let's do this!
Cyborg: What if switched outfits and no one notices until it's too late?!
Seraphine: OMg, that would be so hilarious! Gimme that paper bag!
Brian: It was a dark and stormy night. Wait, that's too cliche
Chris: Chef, they're all yours
Chef: [maniacal laughing as he starts pressing buttons madly]
[Footage of all runs]
[Jett and Jason are smoothly finishing the course]
Jason: What was that?!
Jett: It's the slenderman! Quick, you need to hide while I get caught
[Darcy is enchanting the animatronics to make them more evil]
Darcy: Well, you didn't think I wasn't going to abuse that loophole, did ya?
Barry: Was that the final boss?!
Darcy: No, Barry, now be a dear and fall off this cliff for me [yeet!]
[Raymond and Ponyhead screaming]
Ponyhead: Aaah!
Raymond: YOU DON'T SCREAM UNLESS THERE'S SOMETHING! THAT'S JUST A DISTRACTION!
Ponyhead: No! [points at mannequin] IT'S REAL! I SAW IT MOVE!
Raymond: It's not! Let's just get [mannequin moves]
[screaming]
Ponyhead: I TOLD YOUR FURRY ASS IT WAS REAL!
LSP: [Beating up mannequins] GET. THE LUMP. OUTTA HERE!
Brian: I found the key! Now we need to burn Peter!
LSP: Who's Peter?!
Brian: Uh, the Doctor. I dunno, I'm just calling him Peter
[Cyborg and Seraphine are screaming at the top of their lungs then suddenly]
Seraphine: Ooh, I love the carpeting here
Cyborg: Um, yas, and those curtains are CINCHED, now where were we? Oh, yeah
[SCREAMING]
Arthur: No matter what happens, as an Auror and you being a foreign dignitary, it's my duty to protect you from AAAAAA! [jumps into Gaara's arms]
Gaara: [awkward silence]
Arthur: Goodness, me! That shouldn't have happened!
Sans and Amethyst are walking through and laughing at everything
Sans: That was the stupidest puzzle I've ever seen
Amethyst: And that teacher reminds me of Yellow Diamond, LMAO!
Lisa: NO! YOU WILL NOT DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT ON MY WATCH! [full nelsons Sasha]
Sasha: BUT THAT POT LOOKS LIKE ITS GOT STEW IN IT!
Lisa: HUMAN MEAT STEW! DO YOU WANT TO BECOME THE NEXT TITAN?!
Hermione: Alright, we combine our attacks to immobilize the enemy and WHERE THE BLOODY HELL IS YOUR SHIRT?!
Gray: What? It's stuffy in here
Chris: Now, Baljeet and Mabel received a special mission from us before the game started
Chris: You kids have a chance to win full invincibility this week!
Mabel: Do we get pet dolphins too?!
Chris: Um, NO, but you won't get evicted if you win!
Baljeet: What is our mission?
Chris: Ya know the secret task in LN2? You know, collect the soul fragments? Well, I had Dawn create aura residues all over the course and you have to find all seven before finishing. Are you up to it?
Mabel: Sure we're in! I've collected stuff before
Baljeet: I'm sure we can find them and still finish ahead of the course!
Dawn: [barfs] I've never had to create so many of those things at once… I need rose quartz crystals here, stat!
[Thin Man Fight]
Jason: [electrocutes the Thin Man robot]
Barry: [screaming and crying until Piplup comes in and douses it]
Raymond: [throwing bagels] Take THAT! And THAT!
Brian: [barking]
Seraphine: [God Is a Woman high note]
Gaara: [Buries the bot in sand]
Sans: [Gives the robot a bad time]
Lisa: [Plays jazz to make the robot short-circuit]
Gray: [freezes the robot]
Baljeet: [Screams and runs away. Mabel kills the bot with her grappling hook]
Mabel: DO I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING HERE?!
Baljeet: I found the sixth aura!
Mabel: At least we didn't nearly die this time!
[Chris: We were originally going to spray the girls with Dakotazoid chemicals to recreate the monster Six scene but Dakota sent me a memo earlier saying "Don't even fucking try it". So [nervous laugh], we're skipping that fight, folks!]
[The Betrayal]
Jett: I don't know if I can do this! No wait, what am I saying? [drops Jason]
Jason: [bored AAAAAHHHH]
Barry: We're still friends, right?
Darcy: LOL, bye simp
Barry: AAAAAAA
Ponyhead: I just want you to know, we may be playing opposite teams but
Raymond: You still have feelings for me and won't deny it?
Ponyhead: No, I mean I'm still dropping your ass down this hole, yeet!
Raymond [cat noises]
LSP: Goodnight, sweet prince
Brian: Perfect delive-rAAAGGHH!
Cyborg: I can't do this!
Seraphine: Goodbye, Victor [Endgame soundtrack plays as she falls like Black Widow]
Cyborg: NOOOOOO! I thought you were Team DC!
Arthur: You don't know how many times I've had to do this metaphorically. I don't know if I can bring myself to-
Gaara: Just drop me gently, think of me as your little brother
Arthur: [blushing and eyes widen] [prepares to yeet Gaara hard]
Gaara: NOT ALFRED! NOT ALFRED! [falling and screaming]
Amethyst: I'm gonna drop you and win this challenge
Sans: Lol, poggers [ bored aaaaaahh]
Sasha: Tuck in your legs, okay?!
Lisa: Will do! [aaaaaahhhh!]
Hermione: It won't hurt you, right?
Gray: Yeah, I think. What if you AAAAAAHHHH
Hermione: Oh my God, I'm so sorry!
Baljeet: I just need to know… are we dating?!
Mabel: [yanks hand off] Omigosh, are we?!
Baljeet: AAAAAAAA
Mabel: …oops. Just when I thought I knew him he leaps into the Void. Boys…
[The players who played Six gather outside to a control panel room with Chris]
Chris: Alright ladies and gentlemen, the ten of you have finished your half of the challenge! Now sit back and relax as we emotionally torture the ten Monos for an hour!
[All ten Monos are now sitting in the Pink Rooms]
Darcy: You call THAT torture? That's not even a timeout!
Chris: Oh, you'll see
Jett: How exactly do you plan to 'torture' them?
Chris: Well, you see, the rooms are humidified
LSP: Ooh, and what? They're gonna get chapped lips in there?
Chris: But the humidifiers aren't using just any WATER, they're using the water from the River of Acheron, which I sent a intern to fetch
Hermione: Literal demigods die in Tartarus! How did you expect your intern to survive?!
Intern #1: I'm okay, a friendly giant helped me! [LAUGHING]
Ponyhead: Oh my glob, he's delirious
Chris: Ahem. Then I mixed in some Draughts of Living Death, some denatured Joker toxins, some expired weed, Blaineley's tears for not getting to host this season, a fragment of the agent Omen which I received as a donation from a French sponsor and then let it ferment in a hermetic jar that I shoved up a Mimikyu's mimussy for a month
LSP: Lemme leave to throw up, chile
Chris: They're gonna go apeshit in there! [laughs]
The Monos
Jason: [looks very strained]
Barry: [already doing backflips]
Raymond: [spaced out]
Brian: [Chewing his you-know-what]
Seraphine: ["She looks like Sia in the Beysment" - Ponyhead]
Gaara: [staring at the camera as if to say "Is that it?". A crazed sneer is visible on his face]
Sans: [asleep]
Lisa: [fetal position]
Gray: [banging head on the chair]
Baljeet: [dancing very badly]
Chris: [mad cackling] I TOLD YOU THIS WOULD BE HILARIOUS!
Who finished the speedrun the fastest?
/polls/ajnENdqKMgW
Who will last the longest in the Pink Room?
/polls/w4nWD7qKxgA
Did Baljeet and Mabel find the seventh soul fragment?
/polls/XOgOJOqKGn3
Chris: How are our Monos doing?
[a Door opens]
Barry: ARCEUS HAVE MERCY, GET ME OUTTA THERE!
Darcy: [facepalms] Great, just GREAT! Now we're gonna fall dead last, you dingbat!
Barry: [cowering] Sorry, ma'am
[second door opens]
Raymond: [foaming at mouth]
Ponyhead: Ohmigosh, are you okay baby?! Nevermind, WE'RE GONNA FUCKING LOSE AT THIS POINT! [drops Raymond]
[Brian runs out]
Brian: I need an iodine solution… and a cone [drops]
[Baljeet runs out]
Baljeet: [laughing]
Mabel: [slaps] GET. A. GRIP. ON. YOURSELF!
Lisa: I AM THE LIZARD QUEEN!
Sasha: Good for you, I guess [nervous laughing]
Seraphine: [eye-twitching and maniacal cackling] VEGAS, LET ME HEAR YOU MAKE SOME NOISE! [drops to the ground flailing her legs and arms in the air laughing]
Cyborg: Not you entering your Problematic Era, queen
Arthur: She said 'Vegas', not 'Fa-
Gray: [punches door down]. You're fucking sick, McLean
Chris: Thank you, and now there's only three Monos left!
Jason: [exits, throws up on floor and collapses]. That wouldn't happen to be illegally-acquired River Acheron water, would it?
Chris: [shrugs] I knew it'd do the trick
Amethyst: YOU CAN DO THIS, BONES!
Arthur: Erm, are you alright in there, chap? You look like you're planning a killing spree…
Sans: [exits] That was boring, anybody got hotdogs?
Amethyst: WE WERE THIS CLOSE TO GREATNESS!
Sans: It ain't much, but it was honest work
Arthur: Wrong memes, both of you!
Amethyst: Geez, ok, Moff Brow-kin
[everyone laughs]
Chris: Gaara! You've won the challenge! You can come out now!
[Gaara steps out silently, his face covered in shadow]
[Collective gasp]
Gaara: [maniacal laughing] I haven't felt like this for a long time [covers mouth with hand]. But I've felt WORSE [flashing deranged smile]
Darcy: Oh, shit
Darcy: I may have outgrown my taste for dumb blondes…
Gaara: I'm afraid my old hunger seems to be returning… [tendrils of sand snake towards the other contestants]
Jett: He scared the Witch of Darkness, several wizards, several heroes, a six-foot cyborg and a dimension-hopping skeleton, just by SMILING at them
Gray: GET BEHIND ME, HERMIONE! [takes shirt off]
Hermione: [pulls out wand] PUT YOUR BLOODY SHIRT BACK ON, WE'RE ABOUT TO GET MURDERED HERE!
Arthur: Now, Gaara, we can talk about this. Let's do breathing exercises!
Cyborg: Man, I don't like sand in my circuits! It gets in there all coarse and gritty and-
Arthur: WILL YOU ALL STOP WITH THE STAR WARS REFERENCES?!
Dawn: [runs in] I came in as soon as I can, I felt a disturbance in the Force-
Arthur: Gah! To hell with you all, I'd rather he kill you all right now and eat you all alive!
Sans: Too bad Patrick's not here anymore
Chris: BEST, SKIT, EVER! [gets grabbed by the neck by sand]
Chris: [screaming] GAARA, PLEASE! REMEMBER YOUR CONTRACT!
[Gaara grabs the other contestants and hoists them in the air]
Seraphine: Imaaaaaagine a world like that, yuh
Hermione: [shakes head] She's too far gone
LSP: Gaara, baby, I just want you to know, I always thought you were hotter than Gray or Arthur!
Sasha: WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THAT'S WHAT HE WANTS TO HEAR?!
LSP: Baby, I know an angry, ignored bishie when I see one
Amethyst: Sans?! Got a plan there?!
Sans: Sure, babe. Hey, Gaara! It's over, man! You win the bet!
Everyone: WHAT?!
Sans: So I just rather randomly and curiously challenged Gaara to prove he has a sense of humor
Gaara: [Pauses, then drops everyone] Thank you! I've been working hard on that spiel!
Arthur: YOU WERE ACTING?!
Gaara: Yes, of course. That challenge was rather dull, as I had anticipated. I was already mentally-hardened to resist the effects of whatever Chris threw in there, but I also had the added advantage thanks to my Magnet Release [pokes his head]
Lisa: So you used the power in your sand to create some sort of magnetic resonance that protected you from the somatic effects of the mental-state-altering compounds present in the room?
Gaara: Precisely. I thought it'd be funny to 'scare the crap out of everyone' as Sans put it after I just sat calmly in my seat
Amethyst: Sans, I should smash you
Sans: I know, I've been a naughty boy
Raymond: Get a room, you two!
Arthur: The AUDACITY. [shakes Gaara by the shoulders]. I ought to get very cross, you, you! You're worse than Sherlock putting us in a bloody fright like that!
Chris: Bra-fricking-vo, everyone! We caught that all on camera!
LSP: You've better have gotten my best angles
Mabel: The ones where you look like floating candy?
LSP: Eye candy, darling, eye candy
[Campfire]
Chris: Alright! Twenty campers stand before me, looking all messed up and wasted from today's challenge
Seraphine: [sipping coffee while eye twitches]
Chris: I now hold the results for the events! I will call you from the top to the bottom, so get ready!
[tense music]
Chris: The winner of this week's challenge is… Seraphine!
Seraphine: YOU'LL BELIEVE GOD
Chris: Um, yeah. Whatever you say, sweetheart…
Seraphine: GOD IS A WOMAN! GOD IS A WOMAN!
Jett: Y'all broke her. Now she thinks she's Ariana
Amethyst: Baby, that's Keke Palmer
Sans: YOU DID NOT-
Chris: Second place is our new class clown, Gaara!
Gaara: Thank you, but that'll be a one-time thing. I have a public image to maintain
Sans: Public image? A man of your talents?
Arthur: I'm going to Force-choke all of-
Gaara: It's a peaceful life
Arthur: Why are you like this…
Chris: Third place won the speedrun! Go, Jett!
Jett: Alright, we crushed it!
Chris: Darcy! Amethyst! Sans! Cyborg! Hermione! Jason! Ponyhead! Gray! Sasha! Raymond! Lisa! Mabel! Baljeet!
[Brian LSP and Arthur hold hands]
Chris: Arthur!
Arthur: Thank you! [grabs the s'more and hugs Gaara]
Sans: Sus
Arthur: Shut up, I'm just very relieved! I did not foresee myself being a deadweight for my partner
Chris: LSP, you were on that material gworl shit all day, flexing your guru skills on romance and stuff, but it looks like all that talking didn't help you with your challenge! Brian, your musical commercial ad was judged THE WORST by the audience, and you ended up giving me eye cancer when you started chewing your crotch in the pink room!
Brian: How was my ad the worst?!
Chef: WELL, FOR STARTERS, ROMANTIC COMMERCIAL ADS DON'T USUALLY HAVE THE N-WORD IN THE SCRIPT, YA DIMWIT!
Jett: Yikes
LSP: Is THAT what they call it? I think it was in the script 15 times, I actually said some
Ponyhead: Girl, you about to be canceled
Raymond: What the merde, man
Chris: And LSP's singing is something I don't want to hear in a dark alley at night
Chris: So guys, we were SO disappointed in you that you are BOTH eliminated tonight!
[LSP starts crying, Brian gasps]
[Ponyhead starts crying too. Raymond is in shock]
Chris: I'm sorry dudes, but the Dock of Shame awaits!
[The twenty contestants gather at the docks as two boats, one with the Griffin family and the other with delegates from Ooo, arrive]
Ponyhead: WE'RE ALL GONNA MISS YOU, GURL!
LSP: Be strong, bestie, you can still win this for us! Remember, we're gonna use that bag to reopen the Bounce Lounge!
Ponyhead: Periodt! [sniffles]
Raymond: Brian, mon amie, even if you did that awful commercial I want you to know that I'm still your biggest fan! I only remembered now that I wanted to get your autographs for all your books [holds up books]
Brian: [finally touched] Thank you, Ray. I'll sign all of them. I know I wasn't very warm to you throughout my stay, but I hope you know your support means a lot to me
Raymond: Of course! And when this whole contest is over, maybe you'd like to spend some time on Nook Island! I have a nice guest room in my house there
Brian: I'll keep that in mind
Peter: [Looking at all the contestants] Whoa, they weren't kidding when they said it was an All-Stars Season!
Stewie: We don't talk about All-Stars
Lisa: Hi Meg!
Meg: Hi, Lisa! I can't believe they didn't pick em to compete, I sent five audition ta- [gets knocked over by Peter]
Peter: Okay, I think we need to keep this segment as short as possible, right?
Chris (McLean): Right on, Mr. G
Lois: Well, Brian, you didn't make the Merge, but I bet you've finally gotten rid of your writer's block
Brian: I really think I did, Lois. I already have a title for this new book!
Stewie: Oh Good God, here we go again. Well, I think the AT crew needs their screen time now
Lois: Wait, where's Chris?
[Chris is on the island trying to get Seraphine's autograph]
Princess Bubblegum: Well, you performed better than in the simulations
LSP: I'm lumping 19th overall!
Princess B: Yeah, but in the simulations, you were the first boot
Marceline: Man, I really wish I didn't slack off on passing my audition tape, they got a fun crew up in here. Hi Amethyst!
Amethyst: Hey there, Marcy!
Seraphine: Omigosh, I loved your indie rock album
Marceline: Shut up! I'm obsessed with your debut single! Collab when you get eliminated?!
Finn: Well, at least LSP had her fun, right Jake? Hey, where's Jake?
[Jake and Sans are having a private conversation]
Jake: You say something, Finn? Sorry, Sans and I were trading sandwich recipes, They got the good stuff at Snowdin
Sans: Naw, man, we're just well-stocked on lobster souls
Barry: This is getting old but, the WHAT now
LSP: I had the most fabulous time here, though I didn't win. I met my freaking soulmate in Ponyhead, we were literally twinning the whole time, and the hardest part of getting eliminated, other than not getting the money, was saying goodbye. There were lots of cute guys there, there was a hot tub and everything. [Sobs] I just hope Chef doesn't find out I ate all the food stocked in the pantry last night because I got nervous
Chef: Miss girl did WHAT?!
LSP: Anyways, I LSPay will now sashay out of the competition. Gotcha!
Brian: I am totally shocked by my elimination, but I like to think I'm going to take it in stride. I got over my writer's block, got to meet some new friends and had a lot of fun in the challenges. I kinda still don't get how everyone thought my ad was the worst, but hey, maybe there's just a time for everybody. If only I had the key that would open the doors to an appreciative audience. Maybe someday. For now, this is Brian Griffin, signing off
[The two boats depart and the eighteen remaining contestants wave their fallen comrades goodbye]
Chris: Wow, what a rollercoaster! We're down to 18 contestants and next week, we're bringing an OG challenge back bigger and better! Get ready for Week 4: Camp Chris-chella!