{Troy's POV}
(Saturday, June 3, 2023-4:20 pm)
[Troy & Hayden's Apartment]
I heard everyone gasp, but my eyes only widened after my mother said that she's seen Hayden's reaction from moments ago in abuse and rape victims. No. Gods, no. Please don't let that be the reason Hayden's been acting the way he has. I had no idea, of course. Hayden hasn't told me anything, but the way he makes it sound; it's possible that he was not only tortured but raped too. The area was silent, and Hayden was likely almost to Barbarian Burger to work a few hours for his boss. I knew Hayden would get mad that I asked him to talk, again. I just didn't expect him to get that angry and runoff. And I hated knowing that I was the cause of that. Either way, now, I had to deal with this. Hayden…couldn't have been raped? Right? No. I wouldn't believe it. Hayden would have told me something like that.
"Hayden would have told me," I said.
"He hasn't told you anything else," Rylee mentioned.
"Why would he tell you if he was raped as a prisoner?" Tyler added in. Okay; it was possible, but no. Hayden didn't get raped. I-I wouldn't believe that without proof.
"And that kind of thing can happen. We hear about it all the time on the news that inmates are raped by other ones," Avery pointed out.
"Hayden hasn't been acting like he was raped. He still lets me hug and kiss him…" I countered.
"But he flipped out when you held him from behind today," Stacy reminded.
"That could have happened because Troy had his arms locked around Hayden's arms. Maybe Hayden just felt like he was being restrained, and that can happen in an enemy base," Cody stated, taking my side. "I was there when Hayden came out of surgery, and I heard everything the doctor told Henderson. There was no mention of Hayden being raped,"
"If there was no tearing or blood seen by the doctor, then it's possible to assume they didn't know," Spencer said now.
"It's all theory, sweetheart," Rachel enlightened. "We have no way of knowing for sure, but it sounds and looks like Hayden was sexually abused. I know you don't want to consider it, but it's something you can't deny given how he's been acting,"
"Has he been more conservative?" Dustin asked. "Not wearing clothes that show a lot of skin?"
"Yeah," I nodded. "You saw him, Dad. It's eighty-three degrees out, and he's dressed like it's Winter,"
"And how about letting you see him? His body that is?" Rachel questioned.
"Not really, no. When Hayden was still recovering from his injuries, he wouldn't let me help him, and said he could do it himself," I admitted.
"And when you've held him in the past since coming home; has it ever been from behind like today?" Gabriel wondered.
"Only from the side and in front," I sighed. Okay; it was starting to sound like Hayden was raped. I knew they were asking me all this to see how Hayden has been since coming home.
"And he's never reacted the way he did?" Rosanna tilted her head.
"I've seen him wake up freaking out in the middle of the night, but no; not during the day," I replied.
"How does it go in the middle of the night?" Cody blinked.
"If it's bad enough, Hayden won't even let me touch him. If I do; he wigs out more. I have to turn the light on and play some kind of music to bring him back. The stuff he's familiar with. Like our wedding song. It's hit a point where I set the CD up at night, keep it on the track number, then have it paused until needed," I explained. "Once he comes out of it; I give him water, and we stay up for fifteen-twenty minutes, then go back to sleep. He won't let me touch him until he's awake and aware of where he is. After that; he'll let me hold him until he calms down and falls asleep,"
"Earlier he said that you told him you wouldn't ask him to tell you, what was that about?" Theodore inquired. I sighed again.
"When everyone was arriving today; I went to find him and saw Hayden in the bedroom without his shirt on. He didn't hear me come in because he was listening to music on his headphones, but after he put the shirt on and saw me there; he asked how much I saw and how long I'd been there. I told him the truth, and that I saw his back. Hayden kind'a looked away as if he were ashamed to have been seen. I said to him it didn't bother me, and he snapped at me," I enlightened.
"Snapped how?" Vivian pushed.
"Exact words; It bothers me. I hate how I look because of it. I asked Hayden why he wouldn't tell me what happened and his response was; You saw. Why do I need to explain? I said it would help to talk about it because I wanted to help, and don't like seeing him suffer. Hayden got mad and replied with; Yeah, well, I don't want to talk right now. I'm not ready to tell anyone the torture I endured. Two people know, and it's because I was forced to speak up or they wouldn't let me come home. As soon as I saw tears in his eyes, I backed off and told him that he didn't have to talk until he was ready," I recited the small conversation between Hayden and me.
"That seems rather defensive, on top of what we witnessed earlier," Drew mentioned.
"Troy, there is one more thing I want to ask," Rachel looked at him as I glanced her way. "When's the last time you two did anything intimate?"
"You're inquiring about the last time Hayden, and I had sex?" I questioned to clarify what the question was.
"Anything more than makeout, yes," Rachel confirmed.
"Probably the night before we went back to Afghanistan in October last year. Well, I suppose that's not true. We did do it over Thanksgiving on base…" I shrugged.
"And since coming home with Cody a couple months ago, nothing at all?" Rachel inquired. I shook my head. "Does he get scared if you try?"
"No, he doesn't. Hayden just tells me he's tired, or not in the mood," I replied gently.
"I guess it could go either way," Dustin stated. "Either he was raped, or he's only withdrawing from it all because he doesn't like how his body looks after the torture during capture. And all that is affecting his sex drive because he has too much on his mind being unable to forget what he endured," Great, so I had no way of knowing unless Hayden said something.
"Who was raped?" came Donovan's voice. I looked to see Commander Bludvist entering the backyard.
"Everyone thinks Hayden was because he flipped out earlier when I held him from behind," I admitted.
"Flashbacks?" Donovan asked.
"Yeah," I nodded. "I don't suppose you know anything?"
"I know everything, lad," Donovan replied as my eyes widened. "I received Hayden's file from Henderson, along with the tape from when Hayden spoke about everything in the CSH with him,"
"Can you tell me?" I questioned.
"That is up to Hayden to tell you," Donovan remarked.
"Will you at least confirm or deny if Hayden was raped? Please?" I begged. Donovan sighed.
"Hayden's wasn't, but he did go through hell with those people and saved himself and a lot of others," Donovan informed. I breathed a sigh of relief. Okay, so Hayden didn't get raped. Thank the Gods for that.
"And you can't tell me much about that, can you?" I mumbled.
"I can tell you that your husband is a hero," Donovan said as I looked at him quickly. "You don't know what happened, do you?" I shook my head. "Hayden tricked enemy guards into letting him out, and then he raced through the compound to set free members of our military and Afghan friendlies. All of them were released and back on base the day I came here to tell you that they might never find Hayden. Apparently, according to those rescued soldiers, warriors, whatever they were; they got let go and away from the enemy stronghold right before blasts were heard, then two RPG's slammed into it. Hayden was responsible for the destruction of that location,"
My eyes widened. Hayden did all that?! "If…he was free that day, why didn't he return with the others?"
"I'm afraid that's classified to select people for the time being, but it's part of why he's a hero, and that's all I can say about it," Donovan stated firmly. "Now, where is the boy? I was sent to check in on him?"
"He's not here, Commander," Ethan replied.
"Hayden got called into work about twenty minutes ago," Seymour enlightened.
"Work?" Donovan blinked.
"Hayden got his old job back at Barbarian Burger; it's ten minutes away from here. His boss had some emergency and asked if Hayden would work for a few hours," Madison explained.
"I was unaware he had another job," Donovan admitted.
"It was something he had four years ago, before the Marines," I said now.
"Ah. Well, good for him getting back to work and keeping himself busy," Donovan smiled.
"You know…It's bull that he got discharged in the first place," Blake sighed.
"Quite agree," Brian nodded.
"It wasn't my decision," Donovan reminded. "Hayden broke down during a mandatory psychiatric evaluation a day after returning to the outpost,"
"Exactly," I looked at him. "A day after being held captive and tortured for five friggin' weeks,"
"Sergeant, please…Hayden is in no condition to continue his military duties," Donovan tried.
"Wrong, Commander. Hayden is fine, even he said he is. If I had been in that situation; I probably would have flipped out too being harassed and demanded to tell my story after have literally zero time to settle with everything. Hayden had JUST woken up after being unconscious for five hours, after being locked up in an enemy compound for five weeks…"
"I understand that but-," Donovan started.
"And then sent for evaluation the next morning? How was that even fair to Hayden to have to tell the story twice in less than twenty-four hours. I get you needed your information, but not giving Hayden anytime to cope? Since being home, yeah, he's had a lot of hard moments, and he gets through them. Hayden got really upset when the April dill weekend came up, and he couldn't be part of it. Hayden hates that he got discharged," I scoffed.
"If there was something I could do; you know I would. This is over my head, Raseri," Donovan sighed.
"I say Hayden gets another chance," Willow mentioned.
"Yeah…Hayden should be allowed to have another eval," Theodore agreed.
"I broke my leg in three places and faced the worry of discharge, but I got the chance to prove I could still do it," I reminded.
"You had a physical injury, Troy. It's not the same thing as a mental-," Donovan began. "Hayden was diagnosed with severe depression and PTSD,"
"Oh, come off it!" I yelled, taking Donovan by surprise. "Hayden had depression before he joined and it never got in the way, Commander,"
"Excuse me?" Donovan asked.
"You heard me. Hayden has had depression since June 2018, after graduating High School and feeling so alone and unwanted by everyone that he wanted to kill himself. I stopped that, and that's how we became friends. Hayden and I met October 7th, 2018. Hayden's been living with me since October 8th, 2018. And if not for me telling you now, would you have ever guessed it back then?" I continued.
"No," Donovan closed his eyes.
"Because he knows how to control and cope with it. Yes, he hits low periods and has weaker moments when certain things happen, but don't we all? We're human; it's in our nature to react accordingly. Cody lost his brother, Andrew in February and I'm sure that had him upset for a while, but he's coping, isn't he? You were upset when Hunters died? We all got hurt and sad losing people we've known since being in the same company. Hayden got captured and tortured for five weeks, but he stayed strong enough to break himself and all those other people out, then destroy that compound and fight through all those injuries to return to base," I explained.
"I see your point, Troy, but this was bad according to Henderson," Donovan informed.
"According to the guy who forced Hayden to talk. Alright? Yeah, Hayden broke down because he'd been gone for five weeks, enduring whatever it is that he did. After just waking up, he wanted to come home to feel safe and have comfort from all the people he loves and cares about. However, he got hounded by Henderson, then less than twenty-four hours later, by the eval doctor. Hayden just needed a little time to settle; he still has moments, but he could do his military duty again; he deserves another chance. There must be something you can do," I tried.
"Look, you know I would love to have Hayden back, Troy. And if I had the power to change what is; I would. There is nothing I can do once a discharge is finalized," Donovan said as I looked down, and he put his hand on my shoulder. "And Hayden's was at the end of April. I'm sorry, son. You know that if I had a say in this, I would change it. Hayden is a marvelous young man and excellent Marine. I have no doubts that maybe with time; he will be alright again. However, you just told that he flipped out when you hugged him and asked me if he'd been raped, which says that he's not okay regardless of the previous history of depression. If anyone in HQ found out that he lied during his entry evaluations; he could be in serious trouble. Luckily for you, I'm not going to say anything to protect him. I think that being out of the military, given everything over the last four years, will be good for him to actually recover,"
"If you're the one who stopped Hayden four years ago, then you, Troy…Are Hayden's main source of comfort, and he's going to need you. The best thing you can do to help Hayden is continue to be here for him as you have been from the start," Cody offered now. Sadly; I knew they were right. Hayden was suffering a lot, and he did need me. Of course, right now; I didn't think we were on good terms because I went and pushed Hayden. I did precisely what Henderson and the psychologist did. When Hayden came home tonight; I needed to apologize to him, and assure him that when he was ready, I would be too.