THE REMNANTS
Alternate Ending #3
Author's Note: Hello, dear readers. While I was writing Shahrazád's Ghosts, I received so many questions about how Buffy's life went, post The Remnants, that I started thinking through her story. What started as a one-shot has grown to be its own sequel, albeit a much less complicated one than Darling got, but still a sequel in its own right. Then, here's what happened. As I was working on Following Frankenstein, I was suddenly struck between the eyes with the question of what would have happened if Buffy had said, 'no' to Edward's offer. This alternate ending ensued.
Enjoy!
Starting Point: The Remnants, Chapter 10: Edward Part IV
"I stole the life of an innocent woman before she had a chance to live. While I cannot restore her back to life, I swore I would release one of my creations to have the chance to finish a life in her place," he said without bothering to hide the shadow of regret that tinged his words. "I have no doubt you will thrive."
"So that's it. You are just going to let me go?"
"If you prefer to escape on your own, I can close my eyes and pretend I don't see your pitiful attempt at covertness."
"Hey! I can be covert!" she said and broke into a grin.
"If it makes you feel better," he answered.
She shook her head and picked up the envelope. She thumbed through the contents again, a happy glow seeping over her expressions to replace her former panic and, in that moment, he couldn't help but notice how pretty it made her.
"Wait-my name isn't Elizabeth," she said as she traced her name on one of the documents. "It's Buffy."
Edward chuckled. "Buffy is a nickname for Elizabeth," he said. "I could hardly give you your chosen name as a legal name if you hope to be taken seriously by potential future employers. However, Buffy V. Slayer is as close as I could get at a formal name that still kept the reference to your personal hero."
Then she took him by surprise by throwing her arms around him and thanking him. He patted her on the head. She pulled away to wipe the tears streaming down her cheeks.
"What about my assistant?" she asked as her face fell again.
"Yes, about her...," Edward began. He motioned for Buffy to sit back on the bench and he sat across from her and leaned his head on his hands. He didn't think she'd approve of this part. "You have done such a marvelous job training your own replacement, I am afraid I still require her services for the time being."
Buffy warred between guilt and protestation at that and before she could argue further he held up his hand.
"I know you are fond of your pet. If it makes you feel better, I will offer her freedom in exchange for her continued assistance."
"That would make me feel better...if I thought you would remember it," Buffy grumbled.
"If you do not like this arrangement, you are welcome to stay and send her in your stead," he said, knowing full well what her answer would be. She let out an unsatisfied huff and glared at him.
"Why would you even put me in that position? You are such a jerk and you know it," she said tersely.
He threw his head back and laughed.
"I have a reputation to uphold," he said. "If I do not behave nefariously, how will you maintain your perpetual dislike of me?"
"You don't need to work so hard at making me hate you," she said. "I hate you enough when you aren't trying."
He gave her a broad grin and he leaned over to smell her hair. He laughed even harder when he received a slap on the face and heard the corresponding groan of pain that accompanied her now sore hand.
oooo
"I agree to your conditions. Let Decoy go," she said, after a moment's pause.
"Excuse me?" Edward answered, his eyebrows raised in incredulity.
"You heard me the first time," Buffy answered. She threw her shoulders back and gave him such a haughty, defiant glare that she reminded him all the more of a furious kitten.
"Hearing and understanding are not entirely the same, in this instance."
"I said that I accept your terms. You will release Decoy in my place. You will send her on that plane and she will be completely free from you, forever."
"You do understand that you are then to remain here in her place, as my sole guardian?"
She visibly swallowed and paused for a long moment before nodding. "I understand."
He ran his hands through his hair and, for the first time, he wished he could read her thoughts.
"Why?" He finally burst out. "Why would you forfeit your chance for freedom and give it to your assistant instead? You've made it no secret that you despise me and you loathe being here. Why would you choose to stay?"
Her shoulders slumped and she turned away, back towards her saucepan of soup. She turned it once, though the burner was off and the top layer of the soup had long since congealed. "I have made my decision. You do not need to understand. You wanted to appease your blackened conscience by letting one of us go. Done. Your good deed of the century has been accomplished. I will continue in my eternal servitude until you decide I've earned my freedom, too, or you eat me. Whichever comes first."
He gaped at her openly as she rushed past him to leave the room, her soup as abandoned as her headphones. He heard a single sob before her door slammed shut.
Oooo
"You what?" Decoy asked, her eyes wide as her hands shifted through the contents of the yellow envelope in front of her. The pair each sat on their unmade bunks and shared a plate of cookies between them, though Buffy hardly touched hers.
"Our nefarious vampire overlord has decided to let one of us go… but only one of us," Buffy said. "I told him to send you. You are a free, as of tomorrow."
Decoy's hands fumbled on the first page of the open passport in front of her and she glanced up. "This is your picture."
"I know. Sorry about that. I'm afraid you are going to have to use my picture and my name. If you are gonna get out of here, you can't wait for it to be fixed. There's probably ways to get it changed, once you are out in the 'real' world. However, we are basically the same person anyway so it won't cause any problems for you to use my picture. Just say you lost some weight and get used to answering to 'Buffy' or 'Elizabeth' or whatever."
Decoy ran her finger over the holographic engravings on the passport and looked up at Buffy again, her dark eyes searching. "You were supposed to be the one. That's why it's your picture. He wanted you to go free."
She shrugged. "He said I could choose."
"But it was supposed to be you."
Buffy tried to be nonchalant, but the wavering of her voice belied her expression. "I'll earn my freedom. Eventually. Or so he said."
"You don't believe him."
"Do you?"
Decoy released a long breath. "I don't know…. Buffy, why? You have wanted to get out of here more than anything else in your life. Why are you doing this?"
Buffy leaned forward so she could place a hand on her shoulder and gave her a sad smile. "Because you've saved my life. More times than I can count. Because there's nothing about me that makes me more worthy of the opportunity than you. Because you shouldn't have to die for me any more than the Others should. Because you should have the chance to live. For Badiyah, for me, for all the Others. You go and you thrive and you take on the world. You fall in love. You make yourself a home where you aren't afraid and where you can plant flowers and learn to dance and have friends over all day and night. You become the human woman that none of the rest of us have had the chance to become."
By the time she finished speaking, tears were rolling down Decoy's face and the passport in her hands trembled. "Buffy, I can't take your name… your freedom… your life. This was meant for you. I'm… I'm only the decoy."
"You better get used to it, cause it's yours now, Lizzy," Buffy said. She pulled the other woman into her arms and embraced her as she began to sob in earnest. She patted her short, chestnut hair with her hand.
"That isn't my name," Decoy-a.k.a. Elizabeth- protested between sobs.
"It is now."
"No. Not to you."
"Oh, you chose a name! You never told me! What is it?"
"Darling. You can call me Darling."
Buffy laughed. "I like it. Fine. Elizabeth Slayer, better known as 'Darling', we had better go get you packed." Before releasing her, Buffy kissed the top of her head. "Thank you, Darling. For everything."
Ooooo
Buffy watched the truck vanish into the horizon, dried tears still lingering on her face. She knew she would never see 'Elizabeth Victoria Slayer' again and that she had just given away her one way ticket to freedom. For the last four years, she'd thought of nothing else but figuring out her escape, and now she watched another take her place.
In her bones, she knew it had been the right decision. She just hated the thought of facing her new life now, without Darling in it. It wasn't only the added protection of another guardian, but it was her companionship, her presence, which had made life in Edward's Temple so much more tolerable than it had been before. Nothing made defying death more endurable than doing so alongside somebody else.
Now, she was alone. Again.
She supposed she could press another Bella into service, but it would take over a year to get her up to being useful. Then, she'd be in the same spot all over again. She'd be giving one of the Others the curse of self-awareness, a will to live, and binding her own conscience into a pretzel.
They are all going to die, anyway.
Or so she had tried to tell herself, before. Now, she sent Darling away in her place and if she picked a new 'assistant,' she'd be right back where she started from. They couldn't all survive this place and she knew it better than anybody. She'd be paying for it, before long.
She had considered, more than once, burning the whole temple to the ground. She doubted Edward had the wherewithal to rebuild it and he could hardly manage all the fine motor skills necessary to recreate his machinery and clones from scratch. She imagined the fury and desperation he would exude under such circumstances. She delighted in it - in the way he would crumple to the ground with his hands in his hair, crying at the sky. Oh, she loved the thought of his despair.
Except, she knew how that would end. There was only one way. When his eyes grew dark, she would be next on the menu.
Followed by Decoy.
No, Decoy needed the chance to live and Buffy would do everything in her power to make it happen.
Still, if she could find a way to "tame" the beast without throwing more live fodder at him, then at least some of her problems of conscience would be solved. She went back into her notes on blood cloning and began to putter around in the Generation Lab, a tray of blood samples in her hand.
Oooooo
After a few more days of brooding in his bedroom, Edward vanished into the Generation Lab with a fervency she'd only ever seen him exude when he was searching for Badiyah. It wasn't long before he called her to join him and he explained his latest 'Mad Scientist' idea to her. She stared at the tooth in his hand and the sequency of DNA on his computer screen and then her mouth fell open.
"A clone… of you?"
He nodded.
"Seriously? You are gonna make a copy of yourself? That's the worst idea I've heard from you yet, and I thought there was no way you could top 'kidnapping and imprisoning your mate'."
"I didn't… oh, never mind. Why is this such a terrible idea?"
"Because, one of you is enough to wreak havoc on entire villages and leave an ocean of death and destruction in your wake. Why would you want to unleash another monster on the unsuspecting masses of the world?"
He frowned. "This one will not be a vampire. He will remain human. He will be able to finish the human life that was aborted in me."
"Wait, so you were human, once?"
"Yes."
Her eyes grew wide at the implications. "Then… wait… what happened?"
"Venom," he said and he flashed a grin at her. "When a vampire bites a human, the human changes to become a vampire."
"Oh… so… before…"
"I was a regular human man until I was on my deathbed. Then Carlisle, my, uh, father figure of sorts, changed me to extend my life."
"Huh… and you didn't eat people, then?" she asked. She watched him from underneath her crooked bangs and he shook his head.
"No. Humans don't normally eat people."
"How am I supposed to know that? Did you, you know, keep women in a harem?"
He scoffed visibly. "No."
"I see. So, it's the vampirism that made you like this?"
He paused to consider her question. "I would say yes, but my family does not subsist on humans. They survive on animal blood."
"That's possible?"
"Yes."
"Wait, wait, wait, so, do most vampires live in an underground lair filled with clones or are you just special?" She said, and by the way she intoned the word 'special,' it came out most decidedly as an insult.
"No," he admitted and he ran his hand absently through his hair again. "Most don't. Most hunt random humans. They live nomadic lives wandering around in small bands looking for food. My family, though, lives with humans and in the same manner as humans."
"I see. So, what you are saying is that you choose to be like this."
"It's not so simple as that. My vampire nature… my instincts… we are all driven by bloodlust… it's… some blood is stronger than others and…"
"Right. So, what you are saying is that you are screwed up, even for a vampire."
He opened and closed his mouth once and was about to come up with a defense, but she was too quick for him.
"I can see why you might have wanted to put some distance between you and the rest. Do they know…your family, I mean… do they know about your current lifestyle?"
"No."
"Can I tell them?"
"NO!"
"See. That, right there. You know how messed you are and live in a hole like a cockroach so you don't have to deal with it. You like your self-molded guardians who are too ignorant to know how screwed up you are so you can pretend you aren't such a monster."
"Do you have to be so annoying?"
"Yes."
"I should have kept the other one. She was quieter."
"Yeah. You probably should have. Now, back to my first point -why are you making a clone of yourself? Are you going to eat him, too? Or is he for, you know, your other interests?"
At Edward's aghast expression, Buffy arched an eyebrow. He spluttered out a quick negative reply and shook his head. "How could you… No! I mean to release this one to finish the life I should have lived."
"Release him? Like into the wild?"
"I will send him to your assistant. She can tend to him until he can manage himself and then he can live as he sees fit, along with other humans."
Buffy's eyes lit with her sudden comprehension and she slammed her hand down on the table top in front of her. "Oh.. Oh… Oh… you unimaginable bastard! That's what it was, this whole time! I knew it! It wasn't about your conscience at all! You are using her to help yourself… and you would have done the same to me! Convenient… malevolent… Oh, you are an ass. Just when I think you can't get any worse, then you do."
"Will you please shut your mouth so we can get to work?"
"Fine."
The silence didn't last long. After only a short time, she swung up her head again and twiddled her fingers against the table. "Wait, you are drawn to all of us… doesn't that mean you are drawn to me? Tell me the truth, do you think I'm attractive or you just want to eat me?"
"You are utterly repulsive in every way possible."
"Why do I feel like you are lying?"
"I'm not."
She laughed. "Oh, Edward. I hate you too."
Oooo
The work on his final project came together quickly. Buffy was a knowledgeable and adaptable assistant and she easily took over the parts of the project his shaking hands could not manage. However, this meant he was forced to spend more time in her company than he wished for and he had to endure her constant scrutiny whenever he required her assistance. Her keen eyes missed nothing and her sharp tongue let him know just what she thought of him. At all times.
"Wait, wait, wait. I don't understand."
He gave an exasperated sigh. "What don't you understand?"
"If they aren't becoming vampires, why do they get sick? Are they allergic to your…uh… do you have sperm?"
"Do you really want to know the answer to that?"
"No. Yes. My curiosity might be stronger than my innate sense of disgust."
"I don't know why they get sick."
"Well, that's half my question. So, do you have sperm?"
"Vampires do not reproduce like humans. That's part of what shifts in our change."
"I take that as a no. So, what comes out, then?"
"Buffy…"
"You can't tell me you aren't curious."
"I'm not."
"Come on!"
"Fine. Venom."
"That doesn't make sense."
"What?"
"I call B.S. on that. Why would the same substance come out of every orifice of your body? Have you ever run tests to see for certain?"
"No! Can we please stop talking about this?"
"No. If I knew the answer, I could try to help them, when they are sick. Or, you know, you could let them die with dignity as virgins. I mean, they are already gonna die, why make it more gruesome and traumatizing than it has to be? You know that I'm right. I can tell by the guilty expression on your face."
"Would you drop this subject if I promise to guard their chastity from now on?"
"Maybe, if I thought you'd keep your promise- which I don't."
"Fine. You have my word. Now, please, can we focus?"
She fell silent for a moment before she threw up her hands in frustration. "You have literally dissected my human body thousands of times… how can you know so little about your own physiology? How are you not curious? Seriously, what's the point of your Research Lab if you don't actually research anything… no, don't you dare answer that. I know enough of your research subjects to not want to know anymore."
"Buffy, if you keep talking, then I will start reciting the sequence of your DNA bases from beginning to end… and trust me, I know both your genomes by heart."
"Fine," she said and she pursed her lips shut.
Oooooo
In the glaring light of the Generation Lab, the prone male body appeared all the wanner and frailer. The chest rose and fell with breath as the man slept soundly. Buffy checked over the machinery again and changed his IV. She watched his face as he slept, until Edward entered, then she grinned.
"He'd be kinda cute, if he didn't look so much like you. Can I name him 'Baby Fangs'?"
"Absolutely not. He will be called 'Anthony.'"
"You will call him Anthony. I will call him BF."
"You are utterly absurd."
"You made me. Your fault."
"A fact I live to regret every single day."
"So, if I am a very good girl, will I get the next one?"
"The… excuse me?"
"The next one? I was assuming you were starting to mass produce little Anthonies, so I figured I'd be next in line for my own."
"Why, by the heavens, would you want a cloned copy of myself?"
"Well, you stole my last assistant. If you won't eat this one or sleep with him, then he could live longer and prove useful. Then I'd have a friend."
"A friend."
"Yep."
Edward grimaced at the idea of it. "No," he answered, very decidedly. "You may not have one."
"Why not?"
"I am only making one."
"Then let him stay here. With me."
"Absolutely not."
"Why?"
"We are not keeping a man here with all of my Bellas."
Buffy snorted. "Oh, that is rich. Seriously? Ok, well, you promised me my freedom. Can I elope with him?"
"I would not wish that fate on anyone. I want him to enjoy his life, no rue its existence."
"Oh, come on. I want one normal person around that I can be friends with and share life with and who can defend my virtue against you… or take my virtue…"
"We are done talking about this. Besides, I do not want to have someone around whose mind would bother me."
"What do you mean?"
"I'm assuming I would be able to read his mind. I rather prefer not having anyone's minds in the vicinity to disturb me."
"Read…minds…?"
"I have a gift. You are the only one exempt from it."
"Reading minds? You are not serious. Like anyone's? Do you have any other super powers I should know about?"
"No."
"If I became a vampire, would I have super powers?"
He sighed. "Maybe. You block my gift, so you probably have some latent gift of your own."
"Huh. That's cool. That'd be helpful for my future career as a vampire slayer."
"The vampire that slays other vampires? Isn't that counter-productive?"
"All part of my cover. Don't worry. I'll kill you first."
"Of course, you will."
ooooooo
"Hey! You ok?" Buffy asked into the computer screen. With her light off, the glow of the screen cast light across her face and onto her bunk.
A bright, lovely smile filled the screen in front of her, showing an open window in the background full of sunshine. Darling nodded. "I am. I found a job at a bookshop and spend most of my days reading," she said. "I have some lovely neighbors and we spend our evenings together. I've learned to cook spaghetti and play chess. A few of them even like movies as much as you."
"That sounds amazing! And they can't tell you are, you know, not like them?"
She shrugged. "Not that I know. They know I'm not from around here and, well, I don't talk about certain subjects, but they don't seem to mind."
"Wow. So, look at you? You are really doing it! That makes me so happy!"
"Are you ok?" Darling pressed, her gaze searching.
Buffy nodded. "Yeah. I'm ok. Still here, see? Still trying to keep the nutcase together."
"Has he…?"
"No. I'm ok. Really."
"No, you aren't," Darling said.
"Yeah, well, none of us really are who come from here, right?"
"Do you think you are gonna be able to make it out?"
"I hope so. I won't hold my breath, though. Every day is a gift, or some trite platitude like that."
"If you do, come stay with me. It would be nice to have you here."
"I'd like that. I've really missed you. Everything was better with you here, you know?"
Darling nodded once. "Thank you, Buffy. For this. For letting me live. It's, uh, meant a lot."
"Yeah, well, you deserve it. You saved me enough times."
"No, I don't deserve it," Darling answered. She leaned towards her screen and chewed on her bottom lip for a moment before grimacing in an unexpected influx of emotion. "That's the thing. Buffy, it's my fault. Badiyah's death was my fault."
"What do you mean?"
"That night… Edward came… and I, well, I sent him to her."
"Oh, Decoy. You didn't? Why didn't you get one of the Others?"
Darling let a heavy silence fall before she burst out with a groan. "She was like them! What did it matter- we would all end the same way? You see what I mean? I don't deserve this. It should be you, here. You cared about her, about me, about them. I'm so sorry."
Buffy closed her eyes and leaned back in her chair. A tear streamed down her cheek. "Yeah, that was pretty lousy."
"I was so jealous! She and you were chosen to live. You were supposed to live. I wasn't. I was a fluke, the byproduct of your impulsive decision and any day you could replace me. I was a tool and nothing more. I was your 'decoy' and I was supposed to die, so you could live. Then, she came, and you loved her and would give anything to keep her safe and I, well, I was jealous."
"Why are you telling me this?"
"Because you deserve to know. When you let me go… when you let me be the one to live instead of you… I was nearly crushed with the guilt of it. It's tortured me ever since. It should have been you, here. Not me."
Buffy shrugged. "Well, as you said, we have dozens and dozens of us in that back room who are all in the same spot and I haven't done much to save them. I suppose it was a little arbitrary to consider you or me or Badiyah any different, just because we can walk and talk and feed ourselves. We are all guilty in our own ways and I don't know how to deal with it any better than you do. I suppose the best way would be to gouge out our consciences with a stick, but that doesn't seem all the practical."
"You should hate me."
"I don't."
"I hate me."
"I don't know how to fix that. I try to avoid self-reflection, if at all possible, cause it never really ends well for me if I fall into that pit of misery. For what it's worth, I'm sorry. I'm sorry you got born into this mess… that you had to survive it. All of us deserve better, yourself included."
"Buffy, please get out of there. Please live. I don't think I could bear it if you don't."
"Sure you would. Still, I'm doing my best. You know how it is, though. It's only a matter of time till he snaps again- figuratively and literally… oh, by the way, to give you a heads up, he wants to send you a human clone of himself."
"WHAT?" Darling shouted in surprise. She sat bolt upright in her chair and nearly toppled a glass of water in the process.
"Yeah. It's pretty messed up. He sees it as a way of letting his lost self live vicariously and he has some romantic notion of his clone picking up where he left off."
"He… please tell me you are joking."
"I'm not. Get this, Baby Fangs has green eyes. He's still a little pale and pasty, but I think he'll flesh out well. He might even be handsome, some day. I just thought you should know before we spring him on you. That's the real reason Edward let you go."
"Of course, it is. And he was just gonna show up at my door someday?'
"Yep."
"Thanks for the warning. Let me know when he's coming. I'll, uh, I don't know what I'll do. I do appreciate knowing ahead of time."
"Mr. Clone is already able to manage some broth so I don't think it will be too long before we start teaching him to feed himself. Don't worry. He won't eat you. That's just Edward. I'm trying to teach him all the really useful phrases first, like 'you radiate all beauty in your smile,' and 'I worship the ground you walk on,' and 'yes, your majesty.' He should come to you very well-trained and house-broken."
"If I moved, do you think I could avoid him?"
"I doubt it. Our nefarious vampire overlord keeps pretty close tabs on you… not to eat you, I hope, but to make sure he knows where his baby vampire will end up."
Darling hissed under her breath. "I suppose I had better get that spare bedroom cleaned up. Let me know when he's coming, alright?"
"Of course."
"And, take care of yourself?"
"Always! Oh, let me know if you see any good movies. I could use some recommendations."
"You've got it."
Oooooo
Edward failed to understand Buffy.
She hated him. She despised her life with him. Yet, she chose to stay with him and let the other Bella take her place. Would this woman ever cease to confound his understanding? She never did what he expected and it was as if she was created specifically to drive him mad.
She hated his way of life. She despised him for how he lived. She had worked to override him and undermine him more ways than he could count. Yet, she chose to stay and diligently did everything he asked of her.
For nearly six months, Edward spent all his time immersed in his last project. He took breaks, of course, in order to feed. There were other days spent deep in melancholy when all he could think about was his lost mate and sometimes, he lost track of time entirely as he mourned for her loss. He never once heard from her and each time he thought of going after her, he refrained in order to give her the space she obviously needed.
Badiyah had fled him without looking back… not once, but twice. She, who claimed to love him once, had left him. Yet, Buffy, who hated him, chose to stay.
Finally, after another long morning of enduring her incessant sarcasm, he couldn't take it any longer.
"If you despise me so much, why are you still here?" he asked. "I can't read your mind, but I wish I could, now."
"Cause that's a normal wish? Actually, on second thought, I kinda wish you could read my mind too. You'd love to see all the ways I wish I could murder you."
"See, that's it. Right there. You say things like that and I cannot tell if you mean them or if it is intentional exaggeration."
"Oh, I mean them."
"Then, why did you let Elizabeth go?"
Buffy stoic mask slipped at the reference to her former assistant. She became suddenly so much more fragile than he was used to seeing and her brown eyes grew wide.
"Because she deserves to live. They all do. Because Badiyah should have lived. None of them, none of us, deserve to be killed by you. I tried to help Badiyah, but it was already too late. I wish I could help the Others, but there's only so much I can do. Darling had the chance to live and so I wanted her to take it. For all of us. I can't save the Others, but I could save her."
Edward sat entirely motionless for so long that Buffy began to fidget uncomfortably in her seat. Finally, without blinking once, he faced her again, the lines on his face tight and dark.
"What do you mean it was 'already too late' for Badiyah?"
She opened and closed her mouth once before backing away. She placed as much space as she could between herself and him, but there wasn't much a desk could do to protect her and they both knew it.
"Edward, please," she whispered, genuine fear flowing over her face and spicing the air. The predatory side of his nature flared and if it hadn't been for the subject of their conversation, he doubted he could have restrained himself.
"What has happened to my mate?" he hissed, his eyes flashing as every muscle in his body tensed.
"She's gone."
"So you have said. Where is she?"
By the way every muscle in his body quivered, it would only take a spark to send him over the edge of his control. Buffy, rather than continuing to respond in fear, drew herself up in a furious toss of her head and she banged her hand against the desk.
"You want to know what happened to her? You murdered her, you jackass!" Buffy shouted back. "She's dead and it's all your fault."
"I did not such thing! How dare you infer… she was my mate! I'd give my life to protect her!"
"Like hell you would! You treated her the exact same way as all the Others. Of course, you don't remember. When your mind snaps like that, you have no idea what the hell you are doing or who you are doing it to. You don't know anything except sex and blood and destruction of everything around you and then you leave the rest of us to deal with the aftermath… just like Badiyah. Of course, she didn't want anything to do with you, after that. She got sick, just like the Ohers, and there was nothing I could do but make her more comfortable and let her die surrounded by her family, where she wanted to be."
"YOU ARE LYING!" Edward roared. He picked up the desk and smashed it against the wall, so close to her that shards of woods sprinkled over her. She screamed and cowered away from the impact. She covered her face with her hands to keep any other shards from striking her. "She still lives!" Edward insisted. "Tell me she still lives! Tell me you made it all up! Tell me where she is!"
"You have security cameras set up throughout this crypt. Go find out for yourself. Leave me out of it. Or kill me. Whatever. I don't even care anymore."
She turned and fled the room.
Edward threw a book case against the wall where she had been standing before throwing a table. He roared and hissed and smashed his fist through a wall. She had to be lying. He would never… he had never…
He would prove her wrong.
He sat down at his computer and began to go through weeks and weeks of video footage. He didn't move from that spot for nearly a day.
At first, the sight of his beloved woke such strong emotions in his heart that he nearly abandoned his position to seek her out, then and there. However, he stayed, knowing if he left, he still did not know where to find her.
Then, he stayed purely from the horror.
All of Buffy's allegations, barbs, and criticisms of himself were proved more than justified. The creature he saw, wild and unrestrained, barreling through the halls of his temple and mercilessly stalking its inhabitants was one he was entirely unfamiliar with. It was truly a vampire, but one worse than he had ever dreamed.
There were entire weeks at a time that his 'perfect' memory could not recall. It unsettled him more than he cared to admit. He was entirely out-of-control.
And, if Buffy was to be believed, he had done the unthinkable. He had wounded his beloved, his mate, and betrayed her in the worst way imaginable… without even knowing it. If this was true, if this was how he behaved around her, then she was right to flee from him. She was right to doubt his professions of love. What man, who truly loved a woman, would treat her as he had done?
The cry that rent from his mouth at his own overflowing sense of remorse was so loud that it shook the very foundations of the temple and woke all the sleeping Bellas from their sleep.
Oooooo
Edward searched Chad, high and low. In a desperation that crossed the line into obsession, he sought evidence of his mate. It wasn't until he followed a lead into Niger that he came across any trace of Amir's family. There, in a temporary settlement near a watering hole, he hid behind a pile of boulders so he could watch and listen.
For days, he stayed there, his mind searching and seeking. It wasn't until Amir's second wife returned that he found some of the answers he sought. There, in baskets on the sides of her camel, were a pair of toddlers. They were dressed in the same manner as Toubou children and they spoke Chadian Arabic freely. However, it was both their scents and their thoughts which made Edward watch them like a hawk.
Their minds were a maze of interlocking parts. They communicated with each other telepathically and they both gathered and shared images as if they were flower petals and not thoughts. Their minds were, like most children, consumed with plotting out their next game, their next meal, their most basic desires. However, in between those, there were unexpected bursts of memories that were anything but childlike.
The woman who tended them as mother fretted over them constantly. They grew too fast. They were too strong. She both loved them and feared them and she worried lest she could not provide for their needs.
Then, in the dark recesses of the night, she thought about their mother. Her grief was both genuine and poignant – still a recent wound not quite scabbed over. It was those thoughts of their mother that cut Edward to his heart.
Their mother.
He would know that face, those eyes, that voice, anywhere.
The mother of the fast-growing, supernaturally gifted twins. The twins with chestnut hair and bright green eyes.
He could hear how loved she had been by her new family and how desperately they missed her now. He could hear how they still feared he would fall upon them to steal her supernatural offspring and to kill them all in revenge.
He could see how he had looked to them.
He was the worst of all demons, the most despicable of monsters, and they were right to fear him. He was only just beginning to realize how much he ought to have feared himself.
As if that wasn't enough, one morning, the quieter of the pair let a rush of memories burst from his storehouse. Typically, he tried to keep such memories at bay, but this morning, a particular song he heard reminded him of his mother and a torrent of thoughts filled his mind.
Memories that were not his.
In a colorful rush of preserved moments, Edward could see her life as she had seen it. He could hear her unique voice, see her tears and joys. It was the most precious of gifts and it gutted him like a fish.
He claimed to love his Bella. What did he know of love? He had used her as surely as he had used all the Others. He could not bear standing vigil over her family any longer and he fled.
Luckily, he had discovered the location of her final resting place and it was far back to the Tibesti Mountains that he travelled. He climbed up the mountain pass to that cave where she had been laid to rest. There, where the earth was still soft from where it had been disturbed to place her, there he stood vigil, mourning alongside her.
He would have gathered her body to himself and brought all that remained of her back to his temple… if it hadn't been for the memories of Amir's second wife, who planned to return to stand vigil on her body as soon as she returned from Niger. She remembered his Bella's final wishes, her last moments of death, and she had loved her.
Hadn't his Bella begged to be returned to her family? He hadn't listened and she had died because of it. Because of him. Now, she was back where she belonged, to the people who genuinely knew how to value her. Who was he to fail even this last wish, this last acknowledgement of her final wishes? No, he would let his beloved finally rest in peace, but he would stay alongside her.
"Bella… Badiyah… I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. How can I even begin to apologize for all the ways I wronged you?" He cried.
Time had no meaning. The sun rose and set. Still, he stayed. Sometimes he wept aloud, prostrate over her lifeless grave. Other days, he sat in silence and let his mind wander over all the decisions he had made in his life. All the mistakes.
What had his unhindered pursuit of pleasure gained him other than sorrow and loss? He had gambled with his soul and lost. He had reaped the benefits and now he would swallow the costs for the rest of his life.
He had deceived himself. She was never a statue. She was never his creation. She was a woman – one with her own soul, her own spark of life, her own will and heart and desires. Yet, had he ever truly learned to love her? He had delighted in her freely given affection, her beauty, her companionship, her delectable scent. Yet, had he ever known her as a being apart from himself? It was only now, that it was too late, that he even realized he needed to.
As the days past and his thirst warred with his sadness, he was no longer sure what was reality and what was the product of his own fractured mind. Still, he would not leave her. He was rooted to the place with fetters forged of grief and, for once, he told his thirst to remain silent.
Oooo
He did not come to himself until the day he found his arms full of the brown wool and curved horns of a Barbary sheep. He blinked in the sunlight and noticed there was not only one, but three sheep scattered around him, their arteries pierced by his teeth. He dropped the sheep in his arms and looked around in confusion. He was no longer in Badiyah's burial cave. He was farther up in the Tibesti Mountains, his bare forearms sparkling in the morning sun and his shirt torn and bloodied.
He did not remember hunting, but he must have hunted. He was fortunate it had been wild sheep, and not a shepherd, that he had first come across. His hands still shook and his mind was still muddled, but he was at least conscious of his surroundings.
He returned to the cave, he returned to the side of his beloved, and there he stayed. Accompanied only by ghosts.
Oooo
"Four months! You disappeared for four months! I thought you had lost your mind entirely," Buffy shouted, when he finally returned to his Temple. "Seriously, can't you even call?"
He didn't answer. He walked past her, straight to his room, and he washed himself. After he was cleaned up, he moved with single-minded purpose to a set of filing cabinets. He withdrew a yellow envelope and handed it to Buffy. Then he made a single phone call. Afterwards, he collapsed into his computer chair, his head in his hands.
"It's done. Put Anthony in the truck. I have someone who will meet him on the other side."
"Just like that? He's not even ready."
"He's ready enough."
She rolled her eyes. "Edward, he's not even potty trained."
"I said, 'enough!'" He snapped.
She mumbled curses under her breath, but she moved to pack a suitcase and make sure Anthony had everything else he needed. He pretended he did not hear her tearful parting wishes and final instructions. When the truck departed, Buffy charged back to find him still in the same seat. She placed her hands on her hips and stared down at him, entirely undaunted by his foul mood.
"What the hell is wrong with your eyes?"
"Nothing."
"I've never seen them that color before. They are like a creepy mustard. What's up with that?"
"It's been a long time since they were last this color."
"That's all you are gonna tell me?"
"Yes."
"Fine. Keep your secrets."
It was quiet. Too quiet. There was no hum of machines, no steady thrum of heartbeats or the gurgling of water in generation tanks. He glanced around the room and realized why. It was entirely empty.
"Buffy, where are the Bellas? Why are all the tanks and bunks empty?"
She shrugged. "Gone."
"Gone… where?"
"Oh, you know, it's been a long time since I last saw them. They are just gone. They are safe and alive and far, far from you."
He pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. "You can't just release a dozen versions of yourself."
"Don't bother looking for my assistant, either. Once she receives Anthony, they are both going into hiding so you can't find them."
"You honestly think that would work? You are less intelligent than I gave you credit for."
"It will work. If you are hungry, I'm afraid you will have to eat me. Let's get it over and be done."
"Are you that suicidal?"
"Maybe."
"I have a different task for you," he said.
"I'm not gonna like it, am I?"
"Oh, I think you will enjoy parts of it… immensely."
oooooo
"All that time… all those women… Edward…," she cried out, her face entirely distraught at the implications.
He hung his head in his hands and moaned. "I didn't know. I swear to you, I didn't know."
"And if you did, it wouldn't have changed anything," she accused.
At first, he meant to argue with her, but then he realized she was right. He would have rationalized his actions away. He was, without a doubt, the most deplorable creature that had ever lived.
"I will tell you where to find the twins and where to find my family. They will be more than happy to adopt them and raise them well. They will also take care of you, more than gladly. They will give you anything you could want or wish for."
"Badiyah's sons… I never would have believed it. Why didn't she tell me?" Buffy mused. Her concentration was broken when she realized she was alone in the room and she trailed after Edward to his empty Research Lab. He began to pull out items from a cabinet.
"Wait, I thought you were gonna kill me," she said. "I mean, aren't you mad? You can't come in here and drink yourself into oblivion."
"No. Actually, it is your turn to do the honors. It is time I receive the end I so justly deserve."
He poured a container of kerosene over his shoulders and the scent filled the air of the lab. Then, he handed her a lighter.
"Here. Set a piece of paper or cardboard on fire, drop it on me, and stand back."
"And what's that supposed to do?"
"End me. It's the only way to kill a vampire. It won't be but a moment before I am nothing but ashes and bad memories."
"Huh. So, there is a way. Fire? Who woulda thought?" she mused. She looked at the lighter in her hands, looked back up at him and her eyes grew wide.
"See – your deepest fantasy can be realized," he said with a forced smile. "Kill me and be done with all this. You can be free."
Her lips twisted in a grimace and she stalked towards him, her eyes blazing. "Free? I can be free? Are you insane? Don't answer that. I know the answer. How does this fix anything?" she said and she threw the lighter at him so hard it bounced off of him and onto the floor. "You finally realize what a piece of shit you are and then escape from it immediately afterwards so you don't have to deal with the consequences? I don't think so."
"No, no." He said hurriedly. "I'm sparing everyone the burden of my presence. You've told me enough times what an abomination I am. I finally agree."
"That's exactly what I mean. You are running away from your mistakes instead of manning up to face them. You are gonna leave me cleaning up the mess and making all the decisions for you, as usual. I won't do it."
"Fine. Call my family. You will find the numbers in my email. They will come fetch the children themselves and you won't have to bother with it."
He handed the lighter back to her and he gaped when she threw it back at him again. "You should be the one to fetch your own damn kids and you should be the one to take them to your family. You should face them, head on, and admit to the hot mess of things yourself."
"Fine. I can do it myself," he said. He bent to pick up the lighter and flicked it on.
"Oh, no you don't!" she shouted. She lunged and grabbed the nearby fire extinguisher, keeping it pointed in his direction. "I don't care if you lose an arm or a leg from that flame, but you are not gonna get out of this. Even if your head is all that remains, you are still gonna be the one to deal with this."
"HOW? What is it you want me to do?" He roared back, his anger flaring.
"Not this."
"You've been plotting my demise since the moment you were capable of conscious thought. Why on earth would you refuse me now?"
"Sadistic glee."
He collapsed onto the nearby chair with his head in his hands and he moaned. "I can't."
"You're going to," she said. "Now, go change your clothes so you don't smell like a stove."
"Then what?"
"Then you are going to figure out how we are going to fetch your children without terrifying any of the villagers or traumatizing your children for life."
"We?" He asked, one eyebrow raised.
"Those are my best friend's kids. You think I'm gonna let you near them unsupervised? We are gonna go pick them up and take them to your family."
Buffy stormed out of the Research Lab and he could hear her door slam vehemently. She was mad enough that she opened her door and slammed it a second time, just for good measure. Then, he heard her favorite season of Buffy playing through her computer speakers at full blast. It didn't quite cover the sound of her tears.
The scent of kerosene nearly overwhelmed his senses and he still clung to the lighter in his hand. He flipped it on and off, mesmerized by the dangerous beauty of the orange flame. He could feel its heat, its promise.
He hadn't been mad at Buffy's actions when he thought this was the last day he was going to live, but if his days stretched on, what then?
How could he live without her? How could he live without them? In his grief for the one, he had nearly forgotten about the Others, yet it was the allure of the Others which had once made him forget about the one.
What a fool he was.
Buffy was right. He was a coward. How easier it would be not to live with this pressing grief, with this constant unquenchable thirst.
Perhaps, that was the secret. Acknowledging that his thirst was unquenchable. He could drown himself in an ocean of blood and it still would not be enough. It was completely and entirely impossible. He lied to himself when he said that "just one more" would satisfy him. It would never be and he had sold not only his own soul, but life of the only woman he had ever loved, to pursue a goal that was entirely outside of his reach.
But the thought of having to spend the rest of his life facing the implications of his bad decisions was untenable. He couldn't bear it. Facing himself in the mirror was bad enough- but facing his family, his sons, in the full light of his greatest transgressions… that flickering flame was nearly overwhelming in its promise of relief.
He was a father. What a truly abysmal excuse for a father he was! Wouldn't they all be better off without him?
Edward looked around the silent Research Lab. He could light that match. He could end it all and be done. He had a choice.
In reality, it wasn't only a single choice. It had not been a single choice that led him to where he was now. There was a cascading cliff of choices before him – each with its own set of branches and pathways. He had chosen wrong, every time before.
ooooo
It was a quiet day in the fall of 2176 when Alice's vision shattered in half. She stumbled down the stairs and headlong into the wall when it came to her. The entire family, surprised by the uncharacteristic lack of grace, came running to surround her. She sank to the floor, her head in her hands, shaking her head back and forth.
"Half is gone," she said, jubilantly. "He made his choice."
None of the rest could interpret her cryptic remarks, but Jasper was savvy enough to guess. He placed his arms around her shoulders and kissed the top of her head.
There had always been two possible futures for Edward. In the first, the Swan girl gazed at Edward with red eyes and a smiling face, her arm enfolded over a golden-eyed Edward's shoulders. In the second, Edward's arm enfolded her corpse, his red eyes and blood-stained smile, gazing at her lifeless body.
No matter how she twisted or interfered, the vision stayed the same.
For over a hundred years, Edward still had a choice. She could never tell what caused the seismic shift, only that the path Edward now walked on was set in concrete and could no longer change.
Finally, he made the right choice, she thought to herself. She still couldn't see the details. Her vision was remained clouded. However, she could see enough to know that he would be coming home someday… and when he came, he would not be coming alone.
She grinned.
Author's Note: Well, there it is. I wouldn't call any of these AU endings "HEA," but then again, with the nature of this story, I don't think a simple HEA is even possible. There are too many messes and too many messy people for things to wrap up in a truly satisfactory way. However, each alternate ending is meant to showcase a different aspect of character development and challenges, especially in contrast with the other possibilities. Even this one ends on more of a question mark than a resolution.