A series of one shots set between chapters 1-5 of the main Luminous Beings Are We story. These will be in chronological order following the storyline. Lots of healing, domestic fluff, cuteness, angst and sexy times to come (will be updating sporadically).
These can be read as standalone chapters, but will make a lot more sense if you know the context of the main storyline, so I'd encourage you to read the beginning of LBAW if you can!
Twins are three standard months old.
Set between chapters 2 and 3 of the main storyline.
Obi-Wan rubbed a hand on Padmé's back in a circular motion as she cried, trying to remind her she was not alone and that he was here for her. It was late morning and the twins had been fed, burped and lulled after a relatively good night's sleep - which translated as a few hours uninterrupted slumber between them. After lying Luke and Leia down in their crib, Padmé had sat down on the bed and crumpled, her hands going to her face as she rapidly descended into floors of tears. He'd instantly been at her side, but for now she was inconsolable. His friend had collapsed into bed and he had gathered the covers over her as she grieved, crying into her pillow.
Usually, exhaustion or Luke and Leia's nonstop crying was the source of frayed nerves for the two of them. The twins incessantly demanded their attention night and day, and with no extended family or neighbours they knew enough to trust yet, every single task fell heavily on their shoulders. They were both utterly exhausted, emotionally and physically. However, her breakdown today didn't come from the usual stimulus. The twins had barely cried all morning and now they were in their crib nearby, lying side by side peacefully.
No, these were the tears of sorrow, not of exhaustion. They were both in the clutches of grief, and not an hour went by when he did not think of his Padawan and the decision he chose to make.
Anakin's the father isn't he? I'm so sorry…
His heart twisted painfully as he observed her, wrapped up in the white bed linen, with her bare feet sticking out one end and her messy hair the other. She looked and sounded utterly defeated. Obi-Wan continued to stroke her back and noticed she was still in her night gown. He doubted she would make it out of bed today, but that was alright. He wasn't at work until tomorrow and if Padmé needed rest then he would provide it any way he could. As his friend shook with heavy sobs, he decided he should get the twins out of the house so she could mourn in peace.
"I'll take them out for a while," he said, hoping it would help. "Just take some time to rest. We'll be back in an hour or so."
She nodded against her pillow, sniffing and burying her face deeper to hide her reddened, tear-stained complexion. Sadly, it was a face he'd seen many times since they'd arrived in Namusa.
They were close enough now to know without words that there was nothing more he could do for her. Stepping away from the bed, Obi-Wan turned and looked down at the twins lying in their crib. They spent most of their time on their backs, but recently had begun to enjoy being on their fronts, wriggling about and lifting their heads a little bit. As he looked down at them Leia smiled and moved her arms, and Luke stared at him, perhaps registering him as a father-figure, perhaps not. They were still very much a mystery to him.
Gently, he picked them up and placed them against the cream-coloured material of his tunic. He glanced at Padmé a final time before leaving the room.
They didn't have much money and so the typical hover strollers that were so common on Coruscant and other Core worlds were out of the question for their budget. A second-hand old-fashioned pram with wheels had been their only choice to take the twins out and about in. He pushed them down the long garden path towards the road. Despite the many bumps and holes in the track, and the occasional squeaky wheel that needed fixing, it did the job well enough.
It still felt very strange to him that he was doing something like this, even after three months of being thrown into the deep end with raising two new-borns. It felt so…domestic. Looking down at the stroller he was pushing and then out to the rolling fields and lines of tall trees that framed the meadows, he was still in shock from how quickly his entire way of life had changed overnight. If someone had told him a year ago that that this would be his future, pushing two babies along in a stroller in the Outer Rim, he would've laughed himself senseless - yet here he was. He almost laughed at thinking what Anakin would've said at his predicament, before he realised what he was thinking and the smile fell from his face.
The twisting, wrenching, awful pain in his heart was almost enough to stop him in his tracks. His soul fell ever downwards with every thought of his brother whom he had loved, and still loved, and always would love until his dying day, Anakin.
How had it all gone so, so wrong?
These poor infants had been denied the father that should've been with them, and Padmé was far worse off than any widower. None of them had committed any wrong, and yet now they faced a lifetime of suffering because of the choices Chancellor Palpatine and Anakin had made.
How could you Anakin? How could you do it?
Obi-Wan swallowed, trying to keep his composure though his thoughts were running away with him. The whole Jedi order had been destroyed by his Padawan. How did he not see the signs? How did he manage to fail so miserably?
The worst part of all, was that he hadn't even had the mercy or the courage to end Anakin's suffering on Mustafar. He'd seen the Holo news in town, seen a droid-like monster of a man dressed all in black; the right hand of the new Emperor. Obi-Wan was sure the burnt body inside the suit was his Padawan. Why hadn't he been strong enough to free the young man? He had just turned his back and abandoned him to his suffering.
No matter how much meditation he did, the guilt, betrayal and sorrow he felt for all that had transpired would not leave him be. It followed him everywhere. The only true peace he had was in the few moments when he woke up in the morning, before he remembered everything that had happened.
When he was with Padmé, he did feel the pain lessen fractionally, for she understood how he felt and the burden felt a touch lighter. Obi-Wan could only hope that with time, the wounds would close up enough to live a normal life, but for now he couldn't imagine such a reality. Qui-Gon had told him firmly that the guilt he felt was misplaced, that the student had failed the master and not the other way round. He took his master's words into account, but he just couldn't agree with him. He was the one responsible for his Padawan, he was his guardian, he had raised him. Anakin had been like his son.
Putting one foot in front of the other, he soldiered on. When he'd been saddled with a nine-year-old Anakin, he hadn't shown the boy the proper support and love that he desperately needed after being taken from his mother. He'd been barely able to deal with his own grief at losing his Master, and he knew that child needed emotional support as much as he did. Instead, they'd buried their needs, and it had driven them apart.
This time, he wouldn't make that mistake. This time, he would love these children and raise them as any Jedi should do, with unlimited compassion. In every way he had failed his Padawan, he would endeavour to raise his children right.
Fresh, clean air blew about his face and buffeted the sides of the pram as he pushed onwards. The twins were silent except the occasional cooing or gurgling noise which was a welcome reprieve from the crying howls he'd become so used to. They seemed to be content, and of course blissfully unaware of the upheaval that their birth had brought to the entire galaxy. He sighed, but their gurgling sounds were enough to make him feel like he had done something good at least. If he could keep them healthy and protect them, then his self-imposed mandate for the time being was fulfilled. Somehow, he had survived three months of this agony. For the twin's sake, he had to keep on surviving.
Following a dirt track that led east instead of north to the town of Namusa, he walked at a casual pace, observing the seasonal changes in this landscape for the first time. When they had first landed with Parga, it had been springtime. Now, it was early summer and the vegetation all around their new home had come to life in beautiful rich colour.
On either side of the track, fields of golden grasses and wildflowers billowed in the breeze, framed by lines of tall green trees that watched over the meadows. Above him fluffy clouds moved across a deep blue sky. He could hear insects and birds, and the Living Force was strong around him, reminding him of Qui-Gon's presence.
They reached a point where the landscape dipped down slightly and a shallow river flowed through the middle of the fields. It was a branch of the main river that ran through the town centre. Heading down to the water's edge, he parked the pram and moved to sit beside it on a flat boulder.
"How are you two doing then?" he asked, looking inside the pram.
The twins were peaceful, hypnotised by the calming resonance of the river and the birds that flitted gracefully between the rocks and the sky. Luke's blue eyes blinked slowly as he observed the water flowing over the pebbles, fascinated by the movement and the gentle sounds. Leia was watching the grass on the other side of the water as it rippled in the breeze with her deep brown eyes.
Obi-Wan had never spent much time with the crechélings at the temple, especially none as young as three months. His complete lack of experience around babies had probably been a hindrance to Padmé, who was by no means an expert, but at least she'd had a niece to hold and play with. Luke and Leia were the only babies he'd held for longer than a few moments, and now he found himself suddenly a full-time caregiver to their every need. The Jedi still wasn't sure what to make of the two life forms, so innocent and utterly dependent on him. The weighty responsibility for keeping them alive was almost frightening.
In the beginning, all they'd done was eat, cry, expel waste and sleep in short bursts, with the occasional peaceful moment in-between the four activities, where they'd stare at him or Padmé, perhaps offering a smile or a frown or some noises. But gradually things were starting to change. They seemed to be more interested in their world now, reaching out and taking objects, and moving about with more energy. They were getting bigger and chubbier too.
He put his finger in Leia's hand and she squeezed her tiny fingers around it, looking down curiously. Obi-Wan smiled a little as he observed her tiny features. She looked interested and wary and confused all at the same time.
Up until very recently, he wasn't even sure if he liked the twins or if they liked him. It was a strange relationship he had with them, he realised. With Padmé, the twins were her children and it was clear she loved them more than life itself. But for him, it was complicated.
At the start, he had it firmly in his mind that he was their Jedi protector, the one who would keep them safe until they came of age, and definitely not a father-figure in any way. But in these past few weeks, things had been changing gradually, and though he still wasn't quite sure what to make of them, he was finding it harder and harder to stay detached when they smiled at him and cooed.
"Are you feeling sleepy Leia?" he said, reaching over with his other hand and adjusting the straps that kept her secure.
Her brown eyes were drooping and her grip on his finger loosening. The baby started to drift; her little pink mouth slightly open with some dribble running down. Obi-Wan smiled to himself. She was sweet occasionally, he admitted it.
Luke however, was still wide awake, taking in the sights, smells and sounds of his world with a serene expression on his little round face. He made a noise and seemed to be excited by something, moving his arms around. Obi-Wan glanced back at the river and saw a small bird perching on a pebble, dipping its beak into the water to drink.
"That's a bird."
"Aaah…" he gurgled, then looked at Obi-Wan with a curious blue stare.
He wondered, not for the first time, what the future had in store for them all. Would these two tiny children rise from the ashes and fix the mistakes of their elders? Would they live to see the Jedi Order restored? What about the Galactic Republic? Would they bring light back to the galaxy? Would he be there to see it? Would Padmé? Who would they grow up to be? What if they were found?
The young Skywalker's eyes never left his as his mind wandered. The baby looked so calm and for a moment he envied his innocence. He wondered how their mother was doing back in the cottage.
Padmé hadn't cried this hard for a week or so now, but he knew relapses were normal. In moments like this, he had to be the strong one and support her. Force knows she had to be the strong one on many other occasions when his nightmares would be so horrific, he'd been awake all night and heading for insomnia. She'd woken up to find him shaking, his eyes far away and his cheeks wet with tears. Instead of getting annoyed when he'd tell her nothing was wrong, Padmé had wrapped her arms around him for a comforting hug, staying as long as he needed to fall asleep, despite her own exhaustion.
He hoped he was able to help her half as much as she was able to help him.
Wanting to show his appreciation and to cheer her up in any minuscule way that he could, he decided to pick some flowers for her. It would probably do no more than get him a brief smile, but he wanted to see that smile more than anything. Getting up, he went to pick an assortment of colourful specimens that reminded him of the flora of Naboo. Watched by Luke, he moved through the waist high grass as it rippled around him and insects buzzed. After a while, he had a large bouquet ready to gift her.
When the three of them arrived back at the cottage, he found Padmé reading quietly in bed. Her face was a little puffy from tears, but it looked as if they'd dried up for now. After he put the twins back in their crib, she gave him a wan smile that didn't meet her eyes, but when he produced the colourful collection of flowers, bursting with a rainbow of colours and scents, her eyes lit up for a moment in surprise.
"Oh, they're just beautiful," she said, taking them from his hand and burying her nose in a pink flower, breathing in its sweet smell.
Obi-Wan knew he had made the right decision at seeing her reaction. "I thought you might like them."
"Thank you," she smiled up at him a little and his heart warmed. "And thank you for taking the twins out, I really needed that time."
An unspoken look of understanding passed between them. He took her small hand in his. "Can I get you anything else?"
"No, thank you Obi-Wan I-" her eyes widened as a green caterpillar appeared at the edge of a leaf near her nose and she barely had time to register what it was before it leapt boldly down the front of her nightgown.
Leaping upwards with a shriek, she shook her dress, standing above him on the bed and bouncing about. "Oh! Where is it? Where did it go?"
Searching quickly around her feet in the tangled bedding, Obi-Wan began to laugh as he found the wriggling caterpillar making its break for freedom and held it between his thumb and forefinger. He held it before her and for the first time in months she began to laugh until she was gasping. Placing her hand on his shoulder to steady herself on the mattress, she looked down at him.
"I was not expecting that," she said breathlessly.
"Neither was I, that was quite a show you just put on," he smiled back.
"Next time, please check the flowers Master Jedi," she used the name she had called him a long time ago, and he enjoyed hearing the playfulness in her voice.
"I will do MiLady," he bowed and checked the rest of the bouquet for her.
Later that afternoon, Obi-Wan sat at the kitchen table and arranged the flowers in an old vase. Their home was a few millennia out of date compared to Coruscant. There were leaky pipes, the generator was always on the fritz, he'd found a dead bird in the chimney and the Holonet reception was hit and miss. There were creaky doors and wonky floorboards, and sometimes the water didn't turn on how it should. But seeing wildflowers on the table as he enjoyed a cup of tea made him feel peaceful for just a few moments.
Padmé had been feeling a little better, perhaps because of the caterpillar incident, and had ventured out of bed to sit on the sofa. Rocking slightly and humming, she was holding the twins close as she nursed them with nothing but love on her face.
It felt right. Even with the heartache eating him up from the inside, he was not alone, and they would survive this as long as they had each other.