TW: Funeral and mentions of death.

Liam knocked on the door of Carla's hotel room. He took a deep breath, bracing himself as he did it. He was going to ask Carla her opinion on his eulogy, and he really hoped he wouldn't upset her in doing so - today was going to be hard enough as it was. She opened the door, and upon seeing it was Liam, she invited him in. She was still in her pyjamas and dressing gown and looked as if she hadn't slept a wink.

"Are you ok?" He asked, closing the door behind him.
"One thing I am thankful for, is the funeral being this afternoon. Hopefully, I won't feel this awful." She admitted, pulling her dressing gown around herself, tying it up at the front.
"Have you had anything to eat?" He quizzed her.
"I've been sleeping. I haven't had the chance yet." She replied, looking at her reflection in the mirror. Seeing how tired she actually looked was a shock, she just hoped that she would be able to get through today. The last thing she wanted was to pass out from exhaustion during the middle of the service.
"You have to Carla, you're eating for two." Liam reminded her. His patronising tone was far too much for her this early in the morning.
"You think I don't know that!" She snapped. "Sorry." She apologised, running a hand through her hair.
"How about I get you a coffee?" He suggested. Seeing that she was in no fit state to look after herself. Not that he'd tell her that.
"Can't drink it." She sighed.
"Why not?" He asked, a perplexed look on his face. Normally, she'd never turn one down.
"I don't know, but you're just not supposed to have it when you're pregnant." Carla shrugged, sitting down on the edge of the bed.
"Oh." He replied.
"I don't look this rough for no reason." She scoffed.
"You don't look rough!" He exclaimed, but his voice was soft. She had been through a lot in the past week or so, and he felt that she needed to be easier on herself.
"Liam, I've not slept properly and my head is banging. I'm hardly looking my best." Carla scoffed.
"No one's expecting you to." He told her in the soft tone he had now adopted.
"I am." She replied quickly, feeling like his pity was wasted on her. "This is the last time I get to look nice for him, so I want to look at least half-decent." Carla explained, snapping at her brother in law. She wanted to make him understand how important this was for her. "Sorry." She apologised for the second time in a matter of minutes, noting the downtrodden look on his face.
"Don't be." He replied, giving her a small smile. Now might be the perfect time to ask her, it could be a good distraction. "Hey, I was thinking - and you can say no - how about putting the baby in the eulogy?" Liam suggested. He was greeted with silence, which worried him. Internally, he was kicking himself for even bringing it up. Today was stressful enough without him adding to it.

"I don't know, Lee." She replied, resting her head in her hands. "I don't know whether it's the right time and I can't imagine your mum being too happy if that's how she found out." Carla stressed, looking up at him.
"Well, have a look, see what you think." He told her. He handed her the handwritten speech. "I've written another one, but I thought that this might be one way of telling everyone all together and he was going to be a father. It's a big part of his life, even if he didn't know it." He concluded, leaving Carla with thoughts running through her head at one hundred miles an hour. She carried the guilt of Paul not having the chance to find out. The uncertainty of the future without her husband, with a baby to think about. The fear of telling Helen and having to put up with her judgement. It was a lot for her.
"Ok, I'll have a look." She agreed, taking the paper from his hand. It was clear that Liam had considered it, and she'd been so short with him already that morning, she knew the least she could do was entertain the idea.
"Alright, well. I'll leave you to it. See you outside in about an hour?" He suggested, before leaving the room.
"Ok." She smiled softly, as he closed the door behind him, leaving her to stare down at the piece of paper. Having a eulogy in her hand, made it feel even more real. She was saying goodbye to her husband. Far too soon. They should have been at the factor right now. She would have been watching from the office as he shouted at the girls, trying to get them working harder to fulfil the latest order. But production at Underworld was now at a standstill, and it felt like her life had stopped with it.

Carla was stood outside the church, looking out towards the graveyard. It was hard for her to think that I'm just a matter of hours, that would be her husband's final resting place. He wouldn't be coming home with her, and it felt wrong. But despite this, she was trying her best to keep it all together. She didn't want to show weakness, not now, not when this is the last time she'd ever be with her husband.
Almost everyone had already gone into the building. The pallbearers were getting ready by the hearse. Normally the Connor boys were well-known for their banter, but today there was none of that to be seen, and that unnerved Carla. After making sure that everyone was in place inside the church, Liam came out to join the rest of the pallbearers. Carla caught him on his way to join them, needing a word with him about the eulogy.

"So?" He questioned in a hushed tone, knowing what she was waiting to talk to him about.
"Yeah. Do it." She nodded bravely, being cryptic to anyone that might be overhearing.
"Are you sure?" He asked, placing a hand on her shoulder. He knew that it wasn't an easy decision to make, especially because she was only just getting used to the idea herself and still grieving for Paul.
"You were right. The baby will be a big part of his life, even if he didn't know it." She replied. "and I've been thinking about it... I don't know how else to break it to your mum." She smiled slightly, before breaking down. Long gone were the days of pretending to him that everything was going to be ok. How could it be? Paul was gone and he would never come back. "Liam, how am I going to get through this?" She cried. He engulfed her in a hug, rubbing her back soothingly. He had no response to give her - he simply didn't know the answer. "I didn't think it'd be this hard." She told him, as they broke from the embrace. Carla wiped the fresh tears from her cheeks. "At least I can blame the hormones now." She joked.
"Liam!" Aidan shouted from where he was stood by the hearse, indicating that he was needed.
"Go on, you better go inside." He told her, offering her a small smile.
"Thank you." She smiled back through the tears, handing him the eulogy he had let her read through, before she headed into the church.

As Carla went into the church, she saw Michelle waiting for her at the end of the aisle. She had saved a place for her, in-between herself and Helen. It made her feel supported and less alone, to be beside people that were feeling the same pain, and although she tried to keep it together, as soon as the boys put the coffin in it's place, there was nothing that Carla could do to stop the tears from falling.

It was hard; saying goodbye. Michelle held Carla's hand throughout the service, and she felt Michelle's grip tighten as Liam stepped up to speak. Carla knew that the other woman was doing it to mentally prepare herself for the childhood memories she was about to relive, and hoped that it wasn't because she knew what was coming.

Liam got to the podium, and gave Carla a small nod before unfolding the sheet of paper. He was shaking as he did it, and the paper made a rustling sound that was amplified by the small microphone on the stand. Clearing his throat, he knew he couldn't mess this one up. He had to do it for Paul and he couldn't let Carla down. She had trusted him with telling everyone about one of the biggest things that would ever happen to the family.

"Paul was my hero." He began, forcing the lump at the back of his throat down further. "When I was little, he would be the first person that I would come to with anything, no matter how big or small. He'd do anything to sort it all out, and despite the fact he would tell me not to bother him again, I would always come back with another mess for him to sort out." Liam let put a small chuckle, as Michelle smiled solemly; tears rolled down her cheeks. "There was one problem though that we had, and he didn't stop until he'd fixed it. We grew up with next to nothing, and he wanted us to have more. To be able to live like kings. It was hard, but he worked day and night to give all of us a better life, to get away from the world we we're in, and he succeeded." He smiled, his vision blurry as he thought of his brother's sacrifices. "They say in life that you shouldn't have regrets, but I do regret not being able to say thank you to him, properly." Liam announced, wiping a stray tear away. Now was not the time to be overcome with emotion.

"He was a brilliant brother, a loving son, a fantastic uncle to Ryan and a great husband." He listed, nodding at his family in front of him. "I'm sure, he would have made an even better dad, and it's a shame because if he'd have waited just six months, we would have all been able to find out." As Liam spoke, heads turned to Carla.

"Is this true?" Helen whispered. Carla nodded softly, as she felt her mother-in-law take a hold of her other hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.

"We're the lucky ones, because we knew him, and even though the baby won't get the chance to, we'll make sure that they grow up knowing what a good man their dad was." He concluded. He nodded towards Carla, as she gave him a bittersweet smile, the tears now effortlessly flowing down her cheeks. At least the secret was out. That was one less thing to worry about.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Michelle asked Carla, putting her arm around her sister in law as they came out of the church together, with the rest of the Connors following behind them.
"Oh, love." Helen sympathised, cutting into her daughter's question, as the women turned around. Her voice was soft but she adorned solemn smile.
"Helen, I'm sorry." Carla began, her voice tear stained. "I didn't know how to tell you, and then when Liam said about mentioning it in his eulogy, I-" She tried to explain, mumbling through what she was trying to say.
"You have nothing to be sorry for." She told her, before embracing her in a tight hug. "How far along are you?" She asked, her voice soft, a rarity, as Carla stepped back from the hug as it came to a natural end.
"Thirteen weeks." She replied, smiling as her hand coming to rest on her stomach.
"Did our Paul know?" Barry chimed in. Carla shook her head, more tears threatening to fall from her eyes.
"He would have loved the idea though, wouldn't he? Someone to hand down the empire to." Liam prompted, knowing how bad Carla felt about her husband never finding out.
"Too right he would have!" Barry beamed, although his smile was one of pain. His grandchild would be fatherless before it was born, and Paul would have been a great father.
"Do you have that little picture?" Liam asked her, noticing how talking about the baby, rather than Paul, made her happier.
"Yeah." She smiled, Liam's theory proving right. As she reached into her bag before handing the scan photo to the baby's grandparents. Carla saw their eyes light up in amongst the tears. It was a bittersweet moment, but there had to be something good to come out of the tragedy.

The mourners had come to a small Irish pub in the outskirts of Kildare for a wake, and the Connors found themselves sitting round a large table at the side of the room. Mainly because they couldn't cope with the number of condolences being handed their way by everyone in the vicinity. They needed their own space, and being alone gave them an opportunity to talk to one another properly, which they needed after the day's revelation.

Helen was a little overbearing, but it was a comfort to Carla, who had rarely seen this side to her mother-in-law. It made her feel accepted and part of the family, something that she had longed for, for ages. It reassured her that she wouldn't go through this alone, which was one of her biggest concerns.

"Now, you can say no." Helen began, placing her hand over Carla's, which was resting on the table.
"I'd say no!" Liam joked, raising his eyebrows to Michelle. He knew what was coming, after she had broached the idea with her son earlier that afternoon when Michelle had taken Carla to sit down, as they got a round of drinks in.
"Liam!" Helen scolded him, hitting him softly on the chest. "Would you like us to come back to Manchester with you?" She asked Carla softly, after turning back round to face her. The offer took Carla by surprise. The pair had never seen eye to eye, but maybe Paul's death had been the turning point, either that or the new grandchild. Either way, while it was a shock, she appreciated the offer. Helen was offering to give up her life in Ireland to come back to the place where her son had died, and it couldn't have been an easy feat. "You're going to need help with the flat, the factory…" She listed.
"I can do all that." Liam insisted, not wanting his sister in law to feel completely bombarded.
"Then there's the baby." Helen continued. "You don't have to say yes, but if it takes some of the pressure off, we'd like to help." She offered, nodding towards Barry, who seemed in agreement. Carla's mind flashed back to how good they were when Ryan was a baby; and Michelle had Dean to help her out as well. She didn't like the thought of being on her own, having no one at all to help her. It might just be the solution to one of her biggest concerns.
"It takes a village to raise a baby." Barry reminded her of the saying, as he tried to persuade her.
"Do you know what, I think I'd like that." She smiled. She didn't want to push them away, and they would probably want to feel closer to Paul. Anyway, how bad could it really be? The hostility had seemed to fade with Paul's passing, and knowing how much her late husband loved his parents, she felt that he'd approve of the idea.

Only time would tell how it would all turn out, but as she sat at the table, surrounded by the Connors, Carla felt less alone than she had done in the past week. Things would never be the same, but she would just have to adjust to a new normal; one with a baby, and no husband. But as Barry and Helen started making arrangements around the table to go to Weatherfield and support her, she reckoned that she would be alright.

So, there we have it! I hope you all enjoyed.
Olivia :)