A/N: See Chapter 1 for Disclaimer.
Chapter 3: Deathbed Confessions
It was Thursday, the twenty-ninth of December, two days after her biopsy, when Louise returned to her mother-in-law's apartment. George, Lionel, and Jenny had all been taking turns sitting at Olivia's bedside, and Lionel and Jenny had been a big help to George in caring for her during Louise's absence. Sadly, they could all sense it that the end was near, and when Olivia actually began to complain about how much she'd missed Louise lately, they knew beyond a doubt that it couldn't be long now. Only being at death's door could ever shake that obstinate old lady up enough to force her to admit how much she actually did like her daughter-in-law deep down underneath all her guff. When Louise sat down beside Olivia's bed that morning and Olivia opened her eyes, both women knew that now was the time to put their longstanding rivalry aside and start being real with each other.
"Louise…there's something I need to say," Olivia told her in a raspy whisper after taking off her oxygen mask. Speaking was becoming more difficult, obviously, but she was determined to say everything she knew in her heart she needed to say now.
"I sat down too quickly, didn't I?" said Louise with a good-natured smile as she rose from her seat. "What do you need, dear?" she asked warmly. Yes, Olivia was difficult, but Louise knew she was a scared old lady on her deathbed, and despite all her years of unkindness towards her, she couldn't help but be filled with compassion for her now.
Olivia shook her head and replied, "I don't…I don't need you to get me anything, Louise. I just need you to be with me now. I don't want…to be alone."
Louise gave her a loving smile, took her hand, gave it a little squeeze, and told her, "Don't worry, honey. I'm not going anywhere."
After Louise sat down again, Olivia said, "You're a good girl, Louise. You were always such a good girl. Out of all the girls George ever brought home…you were the best, Louise. The very best."
"Okay, Mother Jefferson, let's get your mask back on, here," said Louise as she started trying to help Olivia with her oxygen mask. "You just need to take a few deep breaths, get some more oxygen, and lie back and relax, alright?"
Olivia stubbornly pushed Louise's hands and the oxygen mask away, and she said, "No, Louise. You have to…you have to listen to me now. I never…I never admitted the truth to you before now because I was so stubborn. But you have to let me tell you the truth now…while I still have the chance to say it. Listen to me, Louise. Really listen."
"I'm listening, Mother Jefferson."
"I have always liked you, Louise. I have always respected you," Olivia confessed in the smallest voice.
"Then why did you always act as though everything I ever did was wrong all these years?" asked Louise incredulously.
"I was jealous of you, Louise. And I was…and I was intimidated by you. I was…astonished…at how much strength and wisdom you had at your age. You were just a teenager when we met and I'd never…I'd never seen a teenage girl…who was so…wise beyond her years. I was more than twice your age, and I only had half your patience and understanding…if that. You know that I didn't want George to marry you. You know it now…that I even told George not to marry you…back when you two were dating. What you don't know…is why."
"Why were you so against us getting married, Mother Jefferson?"
"Like I said…I was intimidated by you. You were…you were always a special person, Louise. Always. Even back then when you were so young. I liked being the most important woman in George's life…and I didn't want that to change. And when you came along…I knew how deeply in love George was with you…and I knew you had a much stronger impact on his life than I did. A much better impact on his life than I did. And that made me so jealous of you. I didn't want you in our lives…because I was afraid that if my son married you…him having you around all the time…him seeing what a better person you were than me every day…would make George start to look down on me."
"That's crazy, Mother Jefferson. George loves you more than anything. He adores you. He could never look down on you."
With tears in her eyes, Olivia admitted, "You always deserved…so much better, Louise. So much better…from both of us. George and I both have spent our whole lives…acting like a couple of silly, spoiled toddlers. You were such a saint to put up with both of us the way you did. You're still a saint to still be here putting up with us after all these years. And I know it. I've known it all along what impossible people my son and I are. I was just too proud and stubborn to admit it. Until now."
"Why are you telling me all of this now, Mother Jefferson?" Louise asked.
"Come on, Louise. We both know why. I don't have long in this world. I'm almost out of time."
"Oh, now you just hush with all this crazy talk. You're going to pull through this. It's just going to take a little more time; that's all. You just have to be patient."
Olivia shook her head and said, "I know you're just trying to be kind, Louise…but cut the baloney. I'm on my deathbed now…and I know that just as much as you do. I'm going to be with Jesus soon…and I know that when I'm in His presence…I'm going to have a lot to answer for."
"What are you talking about?"
"I've been…such a foolish woman. Every day of my life, I've been…so petty and irritating and self-absorbed. I could have done so much more. I could have given…so much more…of my time and energy through the years. I could have given so much more…of myself. I could have put others ahead of myself…so many more times than I did. I have many regrets, Louise."
"Oh love, the same thing is true for all of us. We all have times in our lives when we could be more thoughtful and less selfish. We all have some negative traits in our character that we need to work on and improve. Everybody's like that. Nobody can ever be one hundred percent perfect in this life. The only Person who could ever pull that off is Jesus Christ. That's why He had to die on the cross for the rest of us, because we could never reach God's holy standard of complete perfection ourselves, and it took a completely perfect Man to die in our place and give us His perfection."
Olivia nodded and said, "I know. Nobody can ever…live a life that's good enough for God's standards…and earn their way into heaven themselves. I know that. But still…I didn't do a very good job of…carrying my cross and following after our Lord…like I was supposed to. I'm ashamed of myself. As a matter of fact, I don't know if Jesus wants anything to do with me at all now."
"After we come to faith in Christ, we are supposed to pick up our cross and follow Him, yes. But that's all about discipleship, not salvation. They're two entirely different issues. Salvation is a free, undeserved gift from God. Discipleship, on the other hand, is very costly, and it can even cost a disciple of Christ her life. After getting saved, a born-again believer in Christ has a decision to make. She can choose to spend the rest of her earthly life serving Jesus as one of His disciples, always striving to put Jesus and others ahead of herself, or she can choose to continue living for herself, putting herself above Christ and everyone else. If she makes that choice, she opens herself up to the natural consequences of a sinful, selfish lifestyle, and she also opens herself up to the possibility of having to be chastened by God, much in the same way that an earthly parent must discipline a disobedient child. And as far as eternity goes, she'll lose whatever eternal rewards she could have earned at what is often referred to as the Bema judgment. But even if that happens, she is still passionately loved by Christ, and she is still saved no matter what, because eternal life is a free, undeserved gift from Jesus and NOT an earned reward for living a Godly life. Once you trust in Jesus, in His death on the cross, burial, and resurrection to pay for all your sins, He doesn't change His mind about saving you if you don't serve Him like you should, and He NEVER stops loving you, and He NEVER turns His back on you, even though you may deserve it. And anyway, I think you're being a little too hard on yourself. Yes, you've been difficult at times, but still, we all know you've got a lot of love in your heart underneath all your guff, just like George does. And we all know better than to take all your guff seriously. We know how much you care for us."
"You merely being willing…to say things like that to me in the first place…after the way I've always treated you…just proves what a beautiful soul you are. You're a better woman than I am, Louise. You always were. And you always will be. And I hope you'll forgive me…for the way I've treated you. I was a fool, Louise. I was such a fool. And unfortunately, George is just as bad as I am. Maybe even worse."
Louise gave her mother-in-law a loving smile, squeezed her hand again, and told her, "Of course I forgive you. Nobody knows better than I do not to take you and George too seriously. Now I won't let George walk all over me like he tries to do sometimes, and I won't let him get away with it whenever he tries to pull some kind of selfish stunt or scheme that we both know is wrong. But still, I know that way deep down underneath all his foolishness, he really is a caring man. Just like his mother."
"You have a big and…generous heart," Olivia told Louise truthfully, and Louise responded by giving her another warm smile. But in the next moment, Louise suddenly started having a horrendous coughing spell, and it wasn't long before she coughed up blood. "Oh, Louise," Olivia gasped the instant she saw the blood in Louise's hand.
After stepping into the nearby bathroom and washing her hands and face, Louise came back into Olivia's bedroom and told her all about everything that had been happening with her health lately. She told her about her cancer diagnosis and the pregnancy, and she even opened up to her about the dream she'd had and how she'd been given a prophetic glimpse at the fraternal twin daughters she was now carrying. She also told her everything Dr. Jackson had said, and how her dream from the Lord had helped her realize that she had to do everything she could to protect her unborn daughters now, no matter how bad things might get in the near future.
"I actually tracked down one of Helen Willis's acquaintances yesterday. Her name is Lauren Andrews, and she started a crisis pregnancy center near her church last year. She was an OB nurse for over forty years before she retired a couple of years ago. I looked her up and called her yesterday, and we talked for hours. I even told her all about my dream. Before I had that dream, I didn't know the specifics of abortion. I didn't know the exact details of what happened to an unborn baby during an abortion, and when I told her what I was told in my dream, she confirmed that it was all true. And she told me some other important things I didn't know. She told me all about a terrible woman named Margaret Sanger, who founded an abortion-promoting organization called Planned Parenthood. She believed in something called eugenics, which is basically the idea that Hitler's mass murder of the Jews was based on. The idea that so-called 'undesirables' shouldn't be allowed to live and shouldn't be allowed to procreate. Hitler believed that about Jews, and Margaret Sanger believed that about blacks. She promoted abortion when she was alive because she firmly believed that poor people and disabled people shouldn't have children, and she particularly believed that black people shouldn't have children. She was even a featured guest at KKK meetings. And one of the main reasons she founded Planned Parenthood and promoted abortion in America was because she wanted to kill off as many black babies as possible. You find many more abortion clinics in poor black neighborhoods than you do in white suburban neighborhoods, and there's a reason for that. And that reason is that the evil people running the abortion industry in this country want to murder as many black babies as they can. When we talked over the phone yesterday, Lauren said to me that one of the most dangerous places for a black baby today is in the womb, and she's right. When Jesus gave me that prophetic dream, He wanted me to know exactly what it was that I would be doing to my unborn children if I chose to have an abortion, and He also wanted me to know the truth about what this cruel, evil industry is doing to black babies, which is why most of the children on death row in my dream were black. If I give into all my fears and have an abortion, I'll just be playing right into Satan's hands, and I'll be playing right into the hands of Margaret Sanger and Planned Parenthood and the KKK and every other sick racist that wants there to be a holocaust of black babies in our country. I owe it to Jesus to have respect for His creations. I owe it to Him to do everything in my power to protect these precious little lives inside me that He's created. And protecting these babies is something I owe to our people as well."
"You're absolutely right, Louise," said Olivia in a weak, emotional voice as tears started streaming down her face. "There is a holocaust happening…in this country today. Just as the Jews…went through a holocaust…back in Nazi Germany…unborn children are going through a holocaust as well. Unborn black children are going through…a holocaust."
Louise nodded and said, "This is a holocaust that has been happening to babies for decades. For centuries, even. Just as sexually promiscuous people sacrificed their unwanted babies to Molech back in the Old Testament days, today, we're sacrificing babies on the altars of personal convenience and selfish ambition. There are so many people in this world, women and men alike, who want abortion simply because they care more about their careers and money. Or simply because don't want to go through anything in life that might be hard. They think that life is supposed to go their way all the time and that they should always be allowed to shield themselves from pain and difficulty. I don't mean to be cold when I say that, but it's the truth. I know there are many women who choose to get an abortion because they're in a bad situation and they're terrified and they just can't see any other way out, and my heart goes out to them. With everything that's been happening in my own life lately, I know exactly how they feel, and I do have compassion for them. But that dream made me realize that no matter how bad or terrifying your situation is, nothing can ever justify torturing a baby to death, and that's precisely what abortion is: the ruthless murder of babies by torture. Period."
As more rivers of tears flowed from Olivia's eyes, she looked into her daughter-in-law's face and told her, "How I wish I'd been more like you…when I was a teenage girl. If I'd had just one ounce of your strength and courage back then…my whole life would've been so much different."
"What do you mean?"
"Back when I was seventeen…I was so stupid, Louise. So stupid. Years before…I met George's father…I was running around…with this boy in my neighborhood. Everybody tried to warn me…that he was bad news…but I wouldn't listen. I was so sure…that I was in love. I got pregnant. I couldn't tell my parents. I knew they would hate me. I begged him to marry me…but two weeks after he found out I was pregnant…he ran off with another girl. There was a woman in our neighborhood…who did abortions in her home…for anyone who paid her enough money…even though it was illegal. I talked to her several times…before I finally went through with it," Olivia confessed as Louise began to cry with her. "She told me…all kinds of lies. She told me that it…that it wasn't really a baby. She told me that it was just a parasite…feeding off of me…nothing more. She told me that because…it needed my body to live…that because it couldn't live on its own without me…that made it a parasite…and not a person…and that I was just having a parasite removed from my body…not committing murder. I listened to that foul, demonic woman. I listened to her lies…and I believed them. I convinced myself…that I was carrying a parasite. Not a human being. But on that terrible night…after it was all over…I knew the truth. I knew that she had ripped a human life out of my body that night. I knew it. And it's…it's haunted me ever since. I've always hated myself for killing my baby…and I always will."
"You don't have to go on hating yourself and torturing yourself like this, Mother Jefferson," Louise told her kindly. "You were just a kid back then, and you were frightened and confused. And that terrible, demonic woman told you lies and took advantage of you when you were at your most vulnerable, just to make money off of you. Just like abortion clinics do to scared young women today."
Olivia nodded in agreement, and then she said, "Over the years, I realized…just how stupid and how wrong her lies were. We're all parasites in a way…whether we're in the womb or not. We all need each other and depend on each other…physically or financially or emotionally…for our survival. Even after birth, no baby can survive on his own without his parents. No baby or toddler or child…can survive in this world…without his parents' care and protection. And even when we're grown…we still couldn't survive…without having somebody in our lives to love. Without having somebody…to love us. That's the way God made us."
"You're right, love. You are absolutely right."
"Shoot, I've been out of my mother's womb for over seventy-seven years…and I wouldn't be able to survive in this world on my own…without you and George."
"And we need you, too. Our lives would never be the same without you."
"I want to stay with you and George…and with Lionel and our babies. I really do. But I don't think…this old body will let me, Louise."
"Well I'm not giving up on these babies, and I'm not giving up on you. We're going to get you better. You just wait and see."
"Don't ever change, Louise. Don't ever stop being the remarkable lady that you are. No matter what satanic lies some fool…may try to tell you…about the babies not being human beings…don't ever listen. No matter how hard it may get…you stay strong. You're a wonderful woman, and you're doing the right thing. Do you hear me? You are doing the right thing."
Louise took Olivia's hand and said, "I hear you, love. I hear you loud and clear."
In the next moment, Olivia began coughing, and Louise put her oxygen mask back on for her. Then, exhausted from the draining conversation, Olivia drifted off to sleep again, with Louise sitting by her bed, lovingly stroking her hand.