Chapter 3 It's a New-U! (Again)

"So, this is it, pumpkin." I informed Angel carefully, turning her attention to the chair that in another life, she was terrified of.

"Are you sure it'll work?" This Angel, however, was more nervous than scared. I guess that's good.

At least I'm handling it better than the original Jack. Not that he set the bar particularly high. Still though, being a dad is hard. Especially when your kid has the power to command everything electronic with her mind, and you work at a primarily weapon-making company.

I've tried to make this process go by nice and smooth. I waited a couple of months after the funeral before I even made the chair. And I let Angel know what it'll do ahead of time. She knows what to expect, but I'm still a bit worried…

"Angel," I put my hand on her shoulder, and continued only when she looked up at me. "Are you sure you're ready? We don't have to do this if you're not sure."

Maybe I wasn't the dad she had her entire life, but I'm the dad she has now. Besides, as exhausting as it is to raise a kid on my own, didn't stop me from caring about her.

Angel breathes in slowly, and exhales. "Yes." She still seemed a bit nervous, but she was ready. As much as she could be I guess, there are just some things we can't ever really prepare for.

"It'll work." I assured her.

"How do we start?" She asked, looking a bit confused.

"You just sit down. It'll handle things from there." I told her confidently, and I was very confident. Over the last couple of months, Jack's memories, his intelligence, they've started to become mine. My brain went into overdrive, and I turned the concept into a reality.

That chair is connected to every Hyperion satellite, even the ones I don't have clearance too. It's been uniquely modified and outfitted to respond to Angel's Phaseshifts. Not only would she be able to control her powers, she would be able to change the world.

We'd change the universe. Just like I promised, and then some.

"Okay." Angel started tentatively, sitting down lightly, like she was worried the chair was a landmine. But as she finally seated, she started to calm down. Until the controls started up. "Woah!" She yelped, almost jumping out of the chair, but I held my hand on her shoulder to keep her in place.

"Easy. kiddo." I soothed her. "It's just powering on, everything's fine."

Angel eased up and sat back down. "Okay, okay…" She trailed off, as she finally synched up with Hyperion's network. "Woah." She breathed in amazement.

"Woah." I agreed with a grin. "That is the entire Hyperion satellite network. Every stream, every site, every inch of the universe as we know it, and you get to see it all. Best seat in the house, right?"

"Yeah!" She agreed excitedly. "What should I do?"

Hmmm. Got it. "Well you know, I always wanted to see our house from space. Try to pull it up on my monitor." I ask, turning my console around so she can see.

She closed her eyes in concentration for a moment, before opening glowing blue eyes. I can also see the glow coming from her left arm. If we hadn't covered up her tattoos, that would have looked a lot cooler. "Executing Phaseshift." She spoke, and the world obeyed.

I watched in awe as Eden 5 came into view on the monitor. I got to admit that was awesome, but it's also something I could have done back home on google maps. "Nice work, darling." I praised her, and she metaphorically and literally glowed at the attention. "Try zooming in."

"Okay." She eagerly accepted. Bringing our city, and then our house into view. She had a smug look on her face, but I'd say it was well earned.

"Awesome!" I cheered her, raising my hand for a half five that she happily returned. "Be honest, have you been practicing?"

She seemed flattered but shook her head. "No, dad." She smiled in denial.

"Well, I guess my girl's a natural." I boasted. She just rolled her eyes with a smile.

"What's next?" Angel asked, all traces of nervousness gone.

I just smiled. "I've got a few ideas."

…

Fast Travel hasn't been invented yet.

Can you believe that? Only about three years away from the big event, the opening of the Destroyer's Vault. And one of the most integral parts of the story, just did not exist.

Well we can't have that, can we?

I've been working on this for months, if it wasn't for having Jack's intelligence, it would probably have made as much sense to me, as shirts did for psychos.

I did get why they wore masks though, they're pretty much the fashion trend of the century. It's like putting a onesie on, right out of the drier. It's cozy. Probably not as wholesome, but who cares, this is Borderlands not a Christmas special.

Any WAYS!

I made the first ever prototype of the Fast Travel network. And after I finish the second prototype of the Fast Travel, we can actually test it out.

When I say we, I'm actually talking about some of the ratches I… persuaded the janitor, into letting me experiment on.

That sounded too ominous didn't it? Okay, I paid him $20, and I told him I wanted to use them as lab rats before I killed them myself… What? This isn't immoral, everyone does animal testing.

Plus, they're ratches. Have you seen them? Absolutely disgusting, makes me just want to murder every last one of them. Joking!

Maybe.

Let's move the focus back to Fast Travel, okay? Terrific. So, Angel's helped me set them up, and with just a few more finishing touches, we'll get to see how these bad boys work!

…

"Halt!" Screamed the annoying, digitized voice, of a soulless, waste of scrap, robot. Or as I know them…

Claptraps.

You know it's weird, I always thought they were kind of funny, even endearing, back when I was playing the game. But now that I'm living it, I can see why Handsome Jack tried to kill them all.

Not that I will… maybe?

No… sadly that would probably make me too evil. "What?" I hissed out, annoyed at being interrupted by one of them of all things.

"I can NOT let you in without the proper clearance!" The Claptrap exclaimed pompously.

This egotistical bucket of- calm down Jack, happy thoughts. "It's my office." I said instead, trying to control my temper.

"Ohhh..." The idiotic robot accepted at face value. So. Incredibly. Incompetent.

Although this was my office. Also, this is the fifth time I've had this conversation, and I'm pretty sure it's still the same Claptrap. I rolled my eyes and pushed past it as I walked into my office.

"Wait! Stop, I need to see your ID!" The Claptrap made to follow but stopped as it got to the steps leading to my office. "Well, I've done all I possibly can." It immediately quits with a small shrug.

'God those things are useless.' I thought, irritated, as I slammed the door. I can only put up with them for so long. "Angel, are they ready?" I asked her after setting down the small cage of ratches I disguised with a cardboard box.

"Yeah, dad." She answered, sitting at my desk chair. She gave me a look. "You should be nicer to them." She scolded, in mention of the Claptraps.

"I was nice." I argue. "I didn't even threaten to dismantle it once." Angel just chuckled, like I said something funny. Oh, she thought I was kidding. That's nice.

And of course, she'd like them. Kids love annoying things.

Namely me. "So. let's get these tests started." I suggested, quickly trying to change the subject. I took the cage out of its clever disguise of a cardboard box, the ratches viciously fighting against the bars.

"You'll need to place one on the travel pad." Angel gestured to our altered digistruct matt we made for the Fast Travel. "And…" She hesitated. "It'll need to be one, I've run the scenarios, it won't end well if more than one person tries to use it at the same time."

I grimaced. "Yeah, great." We've already tested it out on a couple of objects, and that worked well enough. But bio testing is really what'll make or break it.

I put on some leather gloves I bought for the occasion, and carefully opened the cage. Then I quickly grabbed one and shut the cage before the other ratch got any funny ideas.

Meanwhile the ratch I was holding fought, scratched, and bit against my grip, and I all but chucked it at the travel pad. "Angel, now!" I nervously ordered as the ratch got back up and moved to pounce.

Before it could, it vanished. I let out a breath of relief and took the cardboard box and brought it to the other Fast Travel in the room. I'd need something to catch it.

We waited one moment.

Then another.

And another.

I sighed in disappointment. "Angel-" I was cut off by the small flash of light and sound, as the ratch reappeared dazed. While it was confused I pounced at it with the box.

It squirmed in disagreement, but I counter argued by pressing the matter of my boot against its head in a repeated fashion on top of the box.

I panted for a little, before turning back to Angel, with a huge smile. "It worked!" I cheered. Lifting her up and twirling her around in celebration.

"I told you so!" She shouted, equally excited.

"Never doubted you for a moment." I replied, holding her up in my arms proudly. "Come on, let's get some ice cream. We earned it."

…

We did it! And now, we just gotta sell it.

Shouldn't be too hard right? Wrong.

First I'm going to have to make it pass Assiter who I know from Jack's memories, and mine, to be a complete dick head. And if I try to go through him, he'll steal the credit, and I'll get bupkis.

So, I need to go around him to the people who matter, the executives. The board of directors, shouldn't be too hard, right? Wrong.

I love correcting people. Although I did have an idea or two I kind of liked…

Let's make this happen.

…

Maxim Turner fought not to groan as Harrold Tassiter, the current CEO of his beloved company, babbled on. He lost interest a good hour and a half in, as the man started to rant less about their company's success, and more about its faults.

As if he needed to be lectured on that. Turner was the reason Hyperion even existed, let alone why it was the superpower it was today. If it wasn't for his bankrolling, his resources, this company would have been steam rolled.

He glanced to his left, and saw that Alma Harren, his "co-founder" seemed about as interested in Tassiter's speech as he was. Not in the slightest. She didn't show it of course, and if Turner hadn't known her better, he would have assumed she was listening with rapt attention.

Sadly, he did know her better. Her experience in the Corporate Wars, perfected her ability to ignore all distractions and focus on her target. No doubt she was fantasizing about killing Mr. Tassiter. Oh, if only he could let her.

Turner looked to his right, and this time he did groan. Lawrence De Quidt, their creator, the founder of the artificial intelligence branch. Prototyping the robots that now littered their company. And of course, the man couldn't possibly be bothered to pay attention.

Instead his eyes were glued to his echo, most likely examining the faults with their latest batch of Claptraps. Lawrence claimed he was trying to fix their personality flaws, but for a man of his reputation, he was making tremendously little progress.

And even with the defects to their coding, Turner was certain that Lawrence still preferred their companionship then human's. If he were a lesser man, he might have shuddered in disgust.

"Excuse us, sirs!" Speak of the defective little devils… "We have a package for you!" The lead Claptrap shouted excitedly.

"...Well?" Turner asked, after the Claptrap continued to stand there.

"Well, what?"

"Bring it in." Turner demanded, frustrated with the annoying robot.

"Okay!" It agreed cheerfully. It continued to stand there, waiting.

"Are you going to get it or not?" Lawrence asked harshly, ashamed of what he created.

"Ohhh, did you mean now?" The robot asked stupidly.

"Yes." Alma said bluntly

"You got it!" The Claptrap exclaimed. It and the other little abominations wheeled in a strange looking machine, then it tripped over itself. "Ah! Help, I have fallen and cannot get up!"

Tassiter finally acknowledged the droids with a roll of his eyes. He waved a hand at the other two mistakes. "Take it away." He commanded, gesturing to the fallen Claptrap.

They all breathed easier for the removal of the truly incompetent robots. As Turner regained control of his temper, and his smile, he looked at the machine bemused. "What is it?"

"So glad you asked, Mr. Turner!" A voice called out through an echo recorder, strapped to the machine. It then projected the hologram, of one of their employees, wearing... a mask of his face?

"John?" Tassiter recognized him immediately, his surprise only matched by his annoyance. "What are you-"

"Harold, Harry boy, how many times do I have to tell you?" The hologram cut him off, making Turner's smile a tad more genuine. "It's Jack, why don't you try reading the nameplate? Oh, I'm sorry, that was insensitive. I know reading's a challenge for you." Jack mocked him relentlessly.

To Turner's growing amusement, Tassiter's face turned scarlet. "How dare-?!"

"Tassy seriously, I'd love to play twenty questions with you, but the grownups are talking right now." Jack interrupted. Turner was starting to like this one.

"You have our attention." Turner spoke amused, for the three of the board members.

"Well I for one am thrilled." Jack commented cheerfully, completely ignoring Tassiter. "And might I add that it's such an honor to speak to the three of you."

"Lawrence De Quidt, the man behind the machines." Jack complimented their head of artificial intelligences.

Lawrence didn't respond, he merely basked in the praise, like the narcissist he was.

"Alma Harren," He continued, turning his attention to their weapon designer. "The mercenary who couldn't miss, any chance I could pay you to aim at Tassiter?" He questionly jokes, though he waited for her reaction

Alma had a small, smug smile, and gave a joke in return. "It would cost more than your salary could afford."

"Of course." Jack agreed with a small chuckle, before facing him. "And Mr. Turner-"

"Flattery will get you nowhere, if you're trying to interest me Jack." He interrupted with his own, scary smile. "You've been a… welcome distraction, but nevertheless, still a distraction. Please, speak your piece."

"All too happy to, sir." Jack complied. "Mr. Tassiter if you managed to listen to him past the first five minutes, raised a damn good point. Hyperion's fallen behind, now it's not our fault, it's not even Atlas's. It's the Vaults."

Jack paused for dramatic effect, and leaned down closer to them, placing his holographic hands on the table. "What Tassiter wants us to do is play their game. He wants us to waste Hyperion resources looking for a Vault, without a clue where to go. Well you wanna hear what I have to say?"

He shot up off the table. "Screw THAT!" He yelled, startling all of them. "Let Atlas and Dahl, and all the other schmucks out there dogpile each other, looking for them. And when the time comes, we'll use them as a stepping stone to open our own."

Everyone's eyes were on him now, Lawrence looked at Jack with admiration in his eyes. Alma seemed impressed, and even Turner was intrigued. Tassiter was practically fuming, but he went ignored. "In the meantime, we offer the people something the Vaults can't."

"Like what, John?!" Tassiter spat.

Jack only grinned, before his hologram disappeared. The echo recorder he left transmitted the rest of his message. "Handsome Jack, on behalf of Hyperion, introduces you to-" And before anyone could react, the machine sounded and Jack- Handsome Jack appeared in the conference room.

He smiled smugly, straightened his hair, and crossed his arms. "The Fast Travel." He finished smoothly. He turned one final time to Maxim Turner. "So, tell me Mr. Turner, are you interested now?"

Maxim Turner's impossibly wide smile grew a bit larger at that.

…

I reappeared on the other side of the Fast Travel and struggled to steady my breathing. That was the most nerve wracking- most terrifying thing I had ever done.

But even still I couldn't stop smiling.

All that confidence, everything I just did, it had to be Jack. In my old life, if I had talked that way about my boss, with only a decent product to show for it, I'd have been out a job faster than you could say "Severance check?"

But here, in this life…

Let's just say I don't think it'll be too long before I'm running the show. All I gotta do is get Tassiter out of the picture. I'd like to do it without killing him but given the things he'd done. It wouldn't eat away at my conscience.

"How'd it go?!" Angel, my little miracle worker asked me excitedly.

I tried to kill my smile but couldn't so I looked away. And at a glance I could tell she was getting worried. I kneeled down and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Angel," I said with fake sadness, while she was getting concerned. "They loved it!" I continued happily, hugging her tightly.

"Dad!" She started to complain but my joy was infectious, and pretty soon she hugged me back. "I knew you could do it."

"Darling, I've probably said this about a million times, but I'll say it again. I couldn't have done any of this without you." I remind her sincerely.

"I love you, dad." She said lovingly.

"I love you too, Angel." I ruffle her hair a bit. "C'mon, let's go home."

And as we walked out of the office, I made sure to grab a file I left Angel in charge of, my literal game changer. You see, for the narrative purposes in Borderlands, the New-U wasn't cannon. It didn't exist. Which is why Roland, and Handsome Jack, and who knows how many others, died permanently.

But with a little innovation, and a lot of money, I might make a couple of changes.

The New-U sponsored by Handsome Jack!

I like the sound of that…

...

And you were starting to think the title didn't make any sense! Well guess what, it does! I'm making them cannon! Eventually, anyways. There's probably going to be a bit of a time skip to the next chapter, fair warning.

But that's not the focus unless you ask me about it in the reviews!

Far as the poll goes by the way; It's Moxxi: 1 and Lilith: 1

Again, I don't entirely mind if you don't really have an opinion one way or another, but if you do and there's someone specific you want to see, then leave it in the reviews. You can also not, that's fine.

Just remember though, if you don't vote, you lose the right to complain about who wins.

Anyways, let's answer some reviews!

Sega91: Fair enough, I might've been a bit argumentative, but I still agree. Despite the Vault Hunters being general badasses, it doesn't change the fact that the Vault Monsters themselves can be pretty weak. Heck, I took the Warrior out on a solo playthrough with Krieg last week.

As for Lilith… okay. Not sure I'll pick her but definitely an interesting choice for Handsome Jack, a little complicated. But I could see your angle. I'll also add a counterpoint to you because I love how your questions can challenge me, it is the Borderlands, sanity's a bit overrated.

Ascandas: References! Thanks though, I liked the idea of an actual Vault hunting hero Jack too. Also, now that you've given me the idea, I might use it. Full credit to you if I do!

Wakfu321: Right?! I didn't even realize how much I like the idea until I started writing it. Originally I wanted to use Troy as the self-insert, which that's still open for grabs if anyone wants to try their hands at it. But in the end, after I played Borderlands 3 a bit more, and got the Handsome Jackhammer, I thought HE should be the choice. And again, I really appreciate the support.

Coldsan: You're the guy who introduced me to that story, and I thank you for that, but I also promise that I literally never read a chapter of it before you mentioned it. Family is important, and as we take on the lives of our characters, that connection can manage to stay with us. I'm glad there are other writers who agree.

I also noticed your mention about Moxxi, and you know, the more I think about it, the more I like it. Honestly, I'll probably go with your choice, especially if no one else wants to speak up.

And finally, to JaDanB: I promise that as long as there are people like you out there, even if there's only one person like you out there, who takes the time to tell me that they like what I'm doing, I won't stop writing, and I won't delete it.

It's always hard to tell if people will really like the ideas in your head, until you bring them out. But when I hear from people like you, and all the others, I know people appreciate it.

That thrills me more than you guys could imagine, and it's why I'm happy to spend a couple of hours a day writing what I think.

And on that note, to all those people following and favoring, and reviewing, let me just say I appreciate you. As much as the franchise has amazed me, you the fans are what inspired me.

So please, keep it up. If you like what you've read, and you want to see more, and if there's something specific you want to see: follow, favorite, and review.

Until Next Time.