Disclaimer: This story is based off of the characters written by Stephanie Meyer in the Twilight Saga. I do not own any of these characters.

Edward

I stared at the tan wall paper of the hotel room I'd called home for nearly a month now. The sun was all but gone behind the thick black out curtains. My residence of the late was Phoenix, a place I chose as a new way to torment myself with an attempt to be close to Bella. I'd somewhat enjoyed Phoenix, as much as I could enjoy anything since I'd left. The space where my heart once beat felt empty and hollow without her.

I'd spend many nights away from the city, exploring the deserts and national parks. Hunting when I needed. I wasn't here as a tourist, but as a spectator. I came to Phoenix to experience all the things Bella had once raved about. A ghost of a smile crept to the corner of my lips as I remembered her animated telling of her life in Phoenix. What I would give to go back to her.

In the time I spent here, I'd checked everything I could off of her list. Everything that wasn't impossible for me. Everything that didn't involve me being near humans under the sun. I hoped in my time here I could have been filled with the love Bella felt for this place, but I felt nothing but emptiness wherever I was. All I could think about was how much I missed her, and how much I wished we could be together again.

Thoughts of the day I left clouded my mind in every moment. I heard a constant echo of her screams, and they tore me apart with every step that took me away from her. I've attempted to convince myself again and again that this was for the best. But my thought's always come back to how much this decision was a mistake. I was kidding myself to think I could stay away forever. I wanted to go back to her. I wanted to ask her why she was so quick to believe my words. To tell her I'd lied. To make sure she understood that there was no possible way I could ever not want her.

I wanted more than anything for her to know that all of this was for her safety. I wanted her to understand that everything I'd done was for her. It darkened my world to know that she'd thought so little of herself to think that I truly never found her interesting. She was the most interesting creature to have ever walked the planet. I just couldn't allow myself to get in the way of the life she was meant to lead. And her birthday was proof that I could not be tied to that. All I led her to was danger, and she deserved far better than that. She deserved the world, experiences. She deserved life.

I had begun to gather the few things I carried with me - ready to move on to the next place - when I found myself staring at the wall again. The last couple months I had slowly been making my way north without realizing it. I tried to convince myself that Victoria was heading that way and that I was just following my instincts. But I knew that was a weak excuse. My longing to be near my family was growing with each passing day and I knew I would reach a point where I would go back to them.

Or I would go back to her.

Alice would see me coming soon, if she hadn't already. I had made no decisions but I was sure she could see the likeliest outcomes of my return. I stood to continue to gather the few belongings I traveled with. I was moving at human speed - possibly sluggish for a human - and just as I reached for my bag my phone rang. I stared at it for a long moment trying to decide if I was ready to speak with anyone yet. I looked at the caller ID; Alice. Perhaps I was closer to home than I'd thought. With I sigh I flipped the phone open and held it to my ear. I was not prepared for the tornado of words that slashed through the air.

"Edward, you selfish-pigheaded-ass!" She yelled, "I can't believe I allowed you to guilt me into leaving her, I can't believe I listened to you, thinking you knew better than I did about how things would be for her after we left! I'm disgusted that I chose you over her, and so beyond furious that you gave me an ultimatum to do so! You hold our family high and mighty because of our lifestyle but you're a monster Edward! A selfish MONSTER!" Her voice broke off into sobs, and as her words hit, my stone heart sunk in my chest.

Something happened to Bella.

I dropped to my knees as thoughts of all the things that could have happened swirled through my head. As I drown in all of the possibilities, I almost missed Jasper's voice on the line.

"You will meet us in southern Oregon, I will text you coordinates and we will see you there by tomorrow evening." He said, I opened my mouth to ask what had happened but he spoke before me. "You deserve to wallow in your thoughts until you see us. What you've done to her is unacceptable." Then he hung up the phone.

I sat there in shock, pain and fury at war in my chest. Every threat of danger I could possibly think of ran through my head. I racked my brain for the likeliest scenario's to which Bella could have fallen victim. Dread throbbed through my body. They should have told me, I should know what I've done. I hit the number for Alice and after one ring, it went to voicemail. I growled and tossed the phone on the bed, as it landed the ping of a text rang through the room. I darted back to it and read the coordinates I'd received before I raced to finish packing.

I was barely holding it together as I bolted down the emergency stairs to the lobby for checkout. A small blonde at the counter processed my checkout with shaking hands and I realized I wasn't doing well acting human. I didn't care, when she handed me my card I walked as quickly as I could at human pace out the front door and down the sidewalk. When I was finally alone I took off heading west.

I paced back and forth in the clearing waiting for Alice and Jasper's arrival. I raked my fingers though my hair while I paced, and continued to worry about Bella. After I moment I caught the sound of the trees rattling in their wake. Their thoughts were quiet and I tried to push into their minds to figure out what they were keeping from me. I stopped pacing as the two of them halted just outside the edge of the clearing.

Though they were partially hidden in the trees I could clearly see the emptiness in Alice's eyes, and the circles under them were deep. I heard her teeth click together as they walked into the clearing, they were both taking great effort not to think of what had become of Bella. My throat tightened as my biggest fears were all but confirmed.

Bella was dead.

I hung my head as I thought of my next move. I could not live in a world where Bella didn't exist. I knew what I had to do next. It was only a matter of whether I would go to her funeral, and say goodbye to my family - or not. As I contemplated this, I was hit with a wave of guilt and sorrow and I looked to Jasper, his eyes were tight.

"I don't understand," I whispered as the emotions grew inside me, I squeezed my eyes shut.

"This is what Alice is feeling right now." He said flatly. "This is because of you, and it's nothing compared to what Bella has felt."

Despite this sorrow weighing heavily through my body, my thoughts lurched as I caught what he said. "Bella's feelings?" I asked him, meeting his gaze again, "Bella's alive?"

An image of Bella, pale with crimson eyes raced through his mind, his eyes narrowed, "I'm not sure how. The pain she's gone through would have been unbearable to her as a human." His words were sharp. My eyes widened in horror as understanding crept through.

"Bella is - Bella-" I couldn't bring my lips to confirm what he said, what he showed me. My body shook and he released me from Alice's pain so that I could dwell in my own.

They stood there watching me as I grieved, this was exactly what I had been trying to prevent. This was why I left, why I asked them to leave. She should have been able to live her human life and move on, live the way it was intended. "How?" I choked out.

Alice thought of Bella's words to her, the malice in her tone was something I never expected to hear from Bella.

"Laurent - But there are no werewolves left in Forks." I whispered. I received no verbal response. Instead Alice played through everything she'd seen that day, each scent and every place she'd visited before and after seeing Bella. I recognized even in her mind the scent of the wolves, as well as her speculations on who it was who'd spared her life. I sat trying to make sense of her thoughts when I found myself becoming distracted with the train of thought running through Jasper's mind.

Bella calm, a blissful look on her face as Jasper controlled her emotions. But also Bella angry, and his confusion that she was able to shut him out. I stared at him for a moment and my thoughts were split as I continued to ponder what had gone on in Forks, while these new thoughts of Bella's abilities swam through my mind. There was so much I didn't understand, and I wanted nothing more than to run to Bella and find out all the missing pieces.

Irritated thoughts of Laurent ruining everything I'd done wove through the the guilt and regret. Every decision I'd made was in vein, this wouldn't have happened if I had been there to prevent it. I could have kept her safe, and instead I left her. I regretted everything.

It had been nearly ten minutes that we stood in silence, when Alice finally showed me what would happen next. I met her gaze, the family was visiting in Denali. I would see them soon.

"Jasper and I will go ahead of you and warn the others, I'll explain to them what happened and that you will be coming home. But don't expect a welcome party. Jasper and I aren't the only ones who will be upset with you." Jasper reached out and squeezed her hand. "We'll see you again in two days, come in the afternoon - it will give them time to think and prepare for you."

The two of them took off North West to Denali, and I sat back in the clearing thinking of everything I'd done to try and save Bella, only for fate to chose this life for her anyway.

I hovered in the trees a little further than a hundred yards from the house. As she'd said, Alice and Jasper had gone ahead of me to warn the others. Alice had withheld the reactions I would receive from them with the news of Bella's change. And though I was sure they weren't too happy with me, I was also positive none of them were more angry with me than I was at myself.

Sitting here I gauged their demeanors, and was surprised to hear the rage in Rosalie's head. Her fury was a thousand times what it had been when we were still living in Forks and I had been risking all of our lives for Bella. It was hard to decipher just exactly why she was so upset about this, her thoughts were incoherent with fury.

Rosalie was listening hard for me to make my move. She had heard me approach, but was waiting for me to come to her.

Emmett seemed distraught at Rosalie's reaction to the news. He was worried, but not worried for her sake - worried for mine. I could also see his irritation with me, even my happy-go-lucky brother was upset with what I had caused.

None of the rest of the family's thoughts were at ease, though none of them nearly were as angry and focused on me as Rosalie. A distant second may have been Alice, but at least with her it made sense.

I couldn't blame any of them for how they felt. I had been responsible for this outcome, if we'd never left, Bella would still be human. She would never have encountered Laurent, and we could have stayed in Forks instead of having to start over again.

I took a deep breath and hopped down from the branch, the house became silent. No one so much as exhaled as I walked toward them, and all eyes landed on Rosalie. She looked at Emmett, and I could see the pure hatred pooling in her eyes. Her lips pulled back from her teeth and she turned and disappeared from his sight, just before he could warn, "Rose-"

A snarl ripped through her just before her body slammed into me, knocking me backwards. The only thought in her head was of the beautiful girl I loved - now snow white in complexion, with blood in her eyes.

I welcomed her anger, welcomed whatever she needed to do to let it out.

I deserved it.

Her fist connected with the edge of my jaw and I felt my face vibrate and crack against the stone of her knuckles. The rest of the family was in the yard now, Esme and Carlisle were trying to decide whether or not they should interfere. I silently hoped they wouldn't.

Blow after blow, Rosalie took her fury out on me. I'd seen her seek revenge for herself, and as much as I'd tried to stay out of it, I'd watched her relive those moments again and again over the years. And though her feelings now did nothing to compare to her own experiences; this rage was pure in its own. She didn't speak. Her thoughts weren't words. The only thing on her mind was Bella.

I was so focused on visualizing Bella myself, I didn't realize the way Rosalie's fury spiked. I didn't see her intention until it was too late. She grabbed ahold of my left arm - and with a blood wrenching scream - she tore it off at the shoulder and threw it across the yard.

Within seconds Emmett engulfed her in a tight hug and Carlisle was in front of her, blocking her from attacking me further. She didn't fight against Emmett, but refused to pull her eyes from me.

No one said anything.

My eyes shifted and I stared in shock at my severed limb. Alice had seen this as a vague possibility, but was entirely unbothered by it. Jasper and Emmett were both more impressed than upset. Esme was appalled, and Carlisle was just thinking of getting Rosalie away long enough to reattach it for me.

Rosalie's eyes still dripped with hatred, but her anger was mixed with guilt as her eyes shifted between me and Carlisle. She couldn't believe she'd just done that to her brother, and yet felt satisfied that she had. She inhaled a calming breath and quietly asked Emmett to let go. He looked to Carlisle, who nodded and he released her.

After a moment she turned to the rest of the family with a sad look, her eyes resting on Alice for a moment, before she took off into the trees.

Emmett moved to follow her, when Alice piped up and told him it would be best to wait. He would catch up with her later.

*

I sat in the dining room of Tanya's home, Carlisle had helped me remove my shirt and was cleaning the separated parts of my arm. Jasper, Alice, and Emmett ran out to the forest to let Tanya and her sisters know what had happened. They had been out hunting to allow some privacy for my return.

Esme stayed behind to see me, but was fighting with what she wanted to say. I could tell she was worried for Bella - and worried for me - and yet most of her thoughts lead to a hope that this meant I would still have a chance at my eternal love. I wanted to hold on to her hope, but I knew I didn't deserve to. I also knew that her version of the rest of my story wasn't likely. I'd seen the depth of Bella's anger through Alice. There was little chance she would ever forgive me for what I had done to her.

Carlisle's thoughts we're steadily focused on the reattachment of my arm. I'd been spitting into a cup since we'd gotten inside, and he grabbed the cup from my hand.

He pulled a brush from his bag and dipped it into the venom, painting over the split, first on my torso, then at the top of my detached arm. He aligned the limb and pushed it against me, the venom sizzled and I could feel the fire of my limb reattaching. He then painted the edge of the tear with venom and a grimace slipped across my face as it sealed together.

I looked to my shoulder at the dark purple line left from the break and back up at Carlisle.

"Thank you." I told him. He nodded and pulled away to clean up.

My parents had never been so quiet or reserved and the guilt washed through me again. As Carlisle moved out of the room to put his things away, Esme approached with a clean button up shirt. She helped me pull it on and began to button it for me.

"I'm glad you're home Edward, how long will you be staying?" She asked as she flattened my collar. I met her eyes, not yet sure what to say. She looked at me for a moment and her lips turned up with a soft sad smile, "I supposed we'll just have to see how things go with Rose." She said, turning away as Carlisle entered the room once more.

"Edward, why don't we speak in the living room." Carlisle said, as he approached Esme and put a guiding hand on her back. The three of us moved to seats in the living room.

There was more silence for a moment as they collected what they wanted to say. Carlisle's eyes met mine, "How are you, son?" His voice was soft, and his eyes were full of concern.

His thoughts were of what Bella was going through, and how she'd been going through it alone. He had many questions about her well being. Alice and Jasper had been able to confirm that she was attempting to lead our vegetarian lifestyle, and he wondered how she was doing it without any guidance as a newborn.

I had been so torn up with the news of her change than I hadn't had time to consider all the things he was thinking about. My mind raced, and a stronger wave a guilt settled as I realized not only had I taken away her human life, but had left her with no good start to her immortal one.

"I'm worried." I said, unable to find better words to describe all that I was feeling, Carlisle nodded.

"What do you plan to do now?" He asked, wondering if I would go to Bella. I wasn't sure what to say, if Alice was willing, I would need to speak with her. She would have more insight in what would be best for Bella.

As I thought of what I was going to say, I heard the thoughts of my family heading back to the house.

Tanya and her sisters burst though the door with quick greetings and hugs before dispersing to their rooms to refresh after their hunt. Alice and Jasper walked through the door soon after. Jasper was looking me over, smug that I'd finally gotten what was coming to me. I looked from him to Alice, knowing she would have seen me asking to speak with her soon. She ignored me, addressing Carlisle.

"Emmett went to find Rose. I don't have any idea when they'll return." She paused with her eyes shifting to me briefly, then back to Carlisle, "In the meantime, there are things we need to discuss."