Letters to Jonghyun
1)
Hello Jonghyun.
I hope this letter finds you well. Are you well? I'd like to think so wherever your soul is now. I'd like to think that your no longer in pain or suffering from the ailments you were in life. And that wherever you are your watching over with love and pride those you left behind. I know you are long gone from this world and have been now for the last 4 years and yet it's like your still here. At least to me and all other shawols who came to know you through your music. Not just as Shinee's main vocalist but also through your solo work. There is not a shawol who doesn't continue to love and miss you every day, and wishes that you were still here with us releasing new material either with your brother's in arms Onew, Minho, Key and of course your youngest Taemin. The River of life moves onwards ever flowing, ever changing and yet ever the same.
You were all boys who became young men. And you ever teased by his fellow band mates with nothing but the greatest love and affection throughout your time together in this world though that time would unfortunately turn out to be far too short for all of you. No one ever blamed you for the action you took to end your suffering, in fact many forgave you your actions though it would take them these many years gone to realise it. You did well jonghyun you always did well though you did not seem to see this while you were here. Perhaps now as you look down from wherever you are now you realise that indeed you did well and were never ever alone. I guess this was something you felt a lot not realising that had you held your hand out and asked to those closest to you that they would have been right there at your side instantly. Keeping you safe and protected until you felt you were ready to face the challenges before you.
It pains those left behind jonghyun that you felt this was the only way out for you to be free of your unending suffering in what must have seemed excruciating pain that you could no longer abide it an so ended it the only way you felt you could by taking your own life. I wonder sometimes if you came to regret your choice in those final moments? It's an answer that will never be known. Taemin is serving his military service now. I wonder how much pride would fill your heart right now we're you still here to know? Or would you be right there at his side serving with him. Your brother's in arms in your stead have taken up the challenges in life not only for you! But for themselves. They still find it hard you know coping without their mother hen to guide them. Key especially I think since he was the last one to see you before you left them and your shawol family behind.
Your brother's in arms love you with all their hearts an miss you just as much as ever. Your memory lies deep and unmoving in their hearts as it does in shawols across the world. Our thoughts turn to you constantly when the sound of your dulcet tones are heard through your songs or your words from old interviews and your old blue night radio show. Onew, Minho, Key and Taemin are doing well as you did well. Please don't worry for those you left behind. Each loves and cares for each other, always there for each other even more than before. You would be proud of them I know that an so do they. Good night jonghyun I'll write again soon when I feel the need to write to you though you will never see or read these letter like thoughts.
You did well.
2)
Hello Jonghyun,
It's me again. I did say I'd write again when I felt like it. My day is just beginning. It's cold and dull whereas for you it would have been night and you would have long since gone to bed. Though I remember a comment you once made that you were a night owl someone who couldn't sleep at night. I guess this was the time you were at your most creative with your music and song writing. What new material would you have produced had you still been here? This is something I often think about and wonder. How many songs in these last empty 4 years would you have created and released with with your brother's in arms as Shinee or as the wonderful soloist you chose to be in the last year's of your life.
Your beloved Roo is doing well. Though she is getting on years now your noona (sister) shares videos and imgs on how she is doing. I think she still watches and Waits for your return. She too never forgets her beloved father an that is what you were to her. What else can I say? I mentioned your youngest Taemin already. Your hyung's minho is doing a reality show and has taken after you his hyung as a radio dj. Would this surprise you? I think not, I think you would have a big grin on your lips as you cheer them onwards key hay his new song and album out plus his first online concert.. I think had you been here you would have been off to one side cheering him on.
Onew's finished his musical an almost finished his sea of hope show. He stared up at the sky as he sang Selene 6:23 for you and everyone cried. I hope you didn't cry as you watched over him from wherever you are but looked on with pride and with the love you still have for them. His new show will be out soon and shawols are waiting as patient as ever. I think you are much happier and at peace. You did well hyung. I hope you don't mind I call you hyung since I can't call you oppa. Haha your so much younger than me after all. Though you were only 27 when you left us your now 31 in years. Yes we do mark your birthday and even your passing each year with the hope that your soul if you are reborn into the world will return to us with all your talent and gift for song writing and music but without the ailments that once plagued you. Who would you be I wonder but we'll never know the answer.
I know you will never write another tweet or share upon your Instagram pages but sometimes I do check them not because your gone but because you are still here with us in spirit. An to look at your old tweets or Instagram post an read the English comment is nice. And to see your old pics with your eyes shining with happiness and your bright smile. Is a joy. I'm trying to learn your native Korean not just because I want to understand it and listen to kdrama without English subtitles. But also because it would be something to do to honour you by. I'd like to visit your native country one day too though I doubt that will happen. The small contact through lysn which enables me to return posts to your brother's in arms is the most I can do to honour you as it is to remember you every day. By saving Instagram posts of you and listening to your music all the time.
Goodbye for now, rest peacefully and know you are much loved and that you did well. I'll write again soon.
3)
Jonghyun
Anyongeseo . I sometimes wonder what you would have accomplished these last 4years you've been gone from us. What songs you would have written and released with taemin, key, Minho and of course onew. As well as a solo artist. But this is all just wishful thinking. You who were always taemins number one fan would be so proud of him and all he's done these last year's without you there to watch over him or to cheer him on. I remember him saying in an interview he had nightmares whenever you weren't there with him or he worried so much. I think sometimes at least in the beginning after you left he had many of those and it took your hyungs many a night to care and comfort him.
He's doing his military service now which you would be so proud of. I think he visited you before he left and will visit you again upon his return. Key finally released his bad love album I think you would have been as excited as he and all shawols were when it came out. I think had you been able to you would have been right there with him cheering him on as you always did your hyungs. Your at peace now aren't you? And finally happy where ever you are? Your watching over us all too I think. You are shineeworld's guardian angel as you are your hyungs. Minho takes after you in the radio show aspect. Haha I think you would have been his first ever guest but your not here anymore. We love you jonghyun we miss you always.
You did well sweetie never doubt that. And if we could have saved you we would have.
Good night bling bling (is jonghyun)
I'll write again soon.
Lots of love ❤️
4)
Jonghyun
Hello hyung jonghyun.
It's been awhile since I last typed a letter that you will never read to you because your not here anymore. I often wonder what you were thinking in your last moments of life and if you regretted your choice or if you were finally happy and at peace. It's an answer no-one will get until they join you wherever you are now. Hyung key did his solo album an concert of which you would be so proud. Hyung onew has his solo album due out too and has been on TV shows. Not as much as key who I think you would shout at for working too hard and not resting enough. You I know would call him out on that and tell him to get his act together. You'd do it for all your hyungs since they're always working too hard and make shawols worry over them.
Your baby taemin has only a year and a month to go before his discharge from his mandatory military service. I know you would have been right there waiting for him to come home if you were here. His number one fan. Hyung Minho saw him off to duty for you and they will be there waiting to bring him home for you too. I finally got a copy of your novel and though I can't read your native language I have read the English translation of it and I love it and was so glad you included yourself in it. Well that's all I have to tell you but I will write to you again sometime.
You are always loved and remembered hyung. you worked hard did well.