Time flew by since the incident with eel pox on Dragons Edge and now everyone was back to being happy and healthy. The village was running smooth under Hiccup's care, as always. It had been 2 weeks since that day, and Hiccup still refused to speak to his real father. He just wasn't ready to deal with him, he knew Stoick was sorry and regretted everything but yet Hiccup felt like it wasn't enough to just be sorry about it all. Stoick had cast him out for befriending a dragon, a Night Fury and now look at where they were 7 years later. The Hooligan tribe members staying on Dragons Edge, a place for humans and dragons to live in peace and 5 of them flew dragons.
Hiccup didn't know what to make of it, he didn't even know what to think about it. He felt so conflicted about everything, since his former tribe essentially became a part of his new tribe he didn't know how to handle anything. Yes he still ran his village, and his people loved him all the same as before, their lifestyles hadn't changed. Their pasts hadn't caught up with them and currently trying to fight for dominance or combine the two.
By suggestion of his mother and father, meaning Alvin. Today Hiccup was taking a break, they offered the idea after the eel pox outbreak and Hiccup passing out from sheer exhaustion. Valka and Alvin offered to switch off every two weeks and take over so Hiccup could do whatever he wanted. Rather it be flying, or sleeping in. If Valka watched the village, Alvin would watch the kids and vice-versa. Hiccup agreed to it but only because he was begged to take a break every now and then. Today was the first one he was taking.
Hiccup woke up with before the sun as always and readied Toothless's riding gear, once it was in place Hiccup got on his back and they took to the sky together. Feeling the cool morning breeze made him feel better as he thought about things over the last two weeks. He finally let the riders from Berk join the main class to learn proper care and what not for their dragons, his children were all doing just fine, and Stoick was making a half-ass effort to get along with Alvin but it wasn't working out so well.
The 22 year old sighed closing his green eyes. He knew his real father wanted to be forgiven but Hiccup didn't feel like it was deserved yet. Hiccup didn't know what he was looking for from Stoick, even though there was an effort being made it wasn't enough and that bothered Hiccup the most. He was never the kind of person to look for a reason to something but when it came to forgiving Stoick that's how he felt, like he was looking for something specific. Looking for something that was holding him back from doing it.
He had forgiven everyone else, even his mother who disappeared for 16 years without a word...but when it came to Stoick, he couldn't do it and he wanted to know why. Was it hate? Disappointment? Hiccup curled his hand to a fist and growled a bit. "I gotta figure this out Toothless...Something is holding me back from doing it, and I just don't know what it is..." Hiccup sighed out, he heard a squawk on his right and looked over opening his eyes to see Astrid on Stormfly. "Astrid, you know the rules about flying..." Hiccup mumbled.
"Sorry...Couldn't sleep. But being up in the air like this just helps me clear my head I guess...I'll go back down if you want me too." Astrid replied softly.
"Nah, you're already up here. I won't knock that reasoning, I do it too. I don't get up before the sun to patrol, I come up here to think. Besides, you're one of the better fliers in your group. You and Fishlegs learned the quickest, Bjorn told me how well you two have been doing." Hiccup stated looking ahead again.
"Oh! Um...Thanks I think..." Astrid said looking forward as well. There was some silence between them, an awkward one. "So..." Astrid began trying to think of something to break the silence. "Ho–how long are you...gonna let us stay here?" Astrid glanced over now.
"There's really no limit...well not for you and the others riders at least. I'm sure Stoick and Gobber need to return to Berk soon. Stoick is still their chief, and Gobber the blacksmith..." Hiccup shrugged in response to her.
"What...Do you mean there's no limit for me and the others?" Astrid asked.
"Well this is an island of dragons and humans who live together in peace, most of us are dragon riders. I was going to wait until sunrise to offer it to you and them but since it got brought up...I plan to offer you and the others a place here, on Dragon's Edge." Hiccup stated. Astrid's eyes widened a bit, was he being serious?
"Yo–you mean...leave Berk and...live here?" Hiccup nodded to her. "Wow...I–I figured that's the last thing...you would offer to us...given all that happened in the past..." Astrid looked down bashfully.
"I told you...I let it go. It was 7 years ago, Astrid...I was cast out for befriending a dragon when the war was still going on. Berk and Stoick...did what they felt was right. I don't...hold it against them. Not anymore at least." Hiccup replied slowly.
"I guess something's about you never change, Hiccup...You're still the same kind, caring guy you were before you left...well were forced out." Astrid looked ahead now.
"Why change who I am? Its being me that built all this...this village...this is me. I wouldn't want to be anything else." Hiccup sighed softly looking over Dragons Edge.
"So I guess it's a firm no on returning to Berk with us?" Astrid stated.
"Stupid thing to even suggest, Astrid..." Hiccup scoffed looking ahead, furrowing his brows a bit. Why would she even think of that being a possibility. How many times did he have to make it known before they understood.
"Sorry...I just...figured with the war over...you'd want to come home." Astrid looked away sadly.
"You're as one track minded as Stoick." Hiccup snorted, she looked at him a little surprised at what he said to her. "Berk hasn't been my home in 6 years. Come to think farther back, it never really has been. I didn't belong there. I don't belong there, Astrid. I never have and obviously given the circumstances of things...I never will. Being cast out from a tribe means you're no longer a member of that tribe. Being cast out means for life. There are no take backs on it, no matter how much you may regret your decisions now or did within moments of me leaving on Toothless...As soon as Stoick said the words, it was done. This place...was once Outcast Island, Astrid. This is where I came 7 years ago, this is where home became and this is where home will continue to remain." Hiccup stated firmly.
"But..." Astrid started to argue.
"No, Astrid. Berk will never be my home. Okay? My home is here, on Dragons Edge. This is the home I chose for myself, the home I built for myself and others like me. Others who had been cast from their tribes because they saw what I did, because they understood and learned what I had. That dragons weren't dangerous, they were misunderstood creatures just trying to survive like us and honestly all the raids...weren't their fault. They were the Red Death's...And now that she's gone, peace will return to the world. Slowly, but it will." Hiccup kept his eyes forward as the sun was beginning to rise.
Astrid sighed sadly again and closed her eyes as Hiccup looked over at her. "I–I didn't mean to upset you, Hiccup. I'm sorry..." Astrid said quietly.
"Astrid..." He sighed out now with a calmer expression. "I know its not what you or anyone else wants to hear from me. But I'm not going to lie to any of you about it. Dragons Edge is my home, literally. I built this place up from the ground, from a barren wasteland covered in jagged rocks, charred trees, and dirt. You all know what Outcast Island used to be, and a years time from being taken in by Alvin...this..." Hiccup said gesturing to everything below them, "This is what I did. Me. Little 15 year old Hiccup the Useless did. I searched the Archipelago, and beyond in. I made this place with my own two hands and imagination. All my inventing, my talent with dragons...and this is the outcome. But I'm more than the creator of Dragons Edge, Astrid...I'm its chief. I have been for 6 years, and I have three heirs to it. I can't and won't leave this place. I love it here. I know everyone wants me to come back to Berk, reclaim my title as Stoick's heir, possibly even become the chief of Berk given I'm clearly more than capable of doing it. But the fact is...The only reason any of you want me on Berk is because you've seen what I can do with your own eyes, you realized you made a mistake when you didn't give me a chance, none of you...accepted me for who I was and still am." Hiccup paused as he saw Astrid looked down. "I was accepted on Outcast Island, and given the chance to be who I am by them...I made Dragons Edge...this place...is home. My home." Hiccup looked away from her.
"I understand, Hiccup. You're right...we...cast you out because we believed you were nothing but a traitor. And mere seconds to late, we realized how wrong we were. Fishlegs made us see that...If it were me...I guess in the same position, I wouldn't come back either. But Hiccup...if you don't mind, I'd like to ask you something..." Astrid looked at him again, he glanced over to her.
"Ask away." Hiccup replied.
"Why did you save us that night you came to Berk? Why did you let us come here?...Why did you hide who you were?" Astrid asked.
Hiccup chuckled a bit, "That's more than one question, Astrid. But I'm not one to lie about things, least not anymore...so I'll tell you. Come on, we'll land for now. The rest won't be up for 30 minutes..." Hiccup told her, she nodded and followed him down to the beach area, the one where Cami's memorial stone was. Why would Hiccup bring her here? Wasn't this place like sacred to him? She didn't argue, they both landed as Hiccup climbed off Toothless while Astrid got off Stormfly. Both dragons laid down in the sand as Hiccup approached the stone and knelt down before it. "Hey babe...Sorry I haven't been around much...the joys of being a chief and father..." Hiccup greeted her lightly.
Astrid didn't say anything, she stayed a few feet back to give him his time. She felt bad for him, going through all he had and yet he still wasn't completely happy. She frowned watching still as Hiccup pulled the necklace out and held Cami's wedding rings in his hand. She wanted to do something for him but honestly she didn't know what she could do, she was the reason Hiccup got ratted out. She was surprised that Hiccup was even speaking to her, or being this nice to her after what she did.
"Having you here always made it easier...But like you said you're always around..." Hiccup began as he lowered his head a bit. "I miss you so much...Still love you, as much as the day I met you...I don't think that will ever fade..." Hiccup sighed now. Astrid didn't want to make him mad but she didn't like seeing him like this, she stepped closer to him and put her hand on his shoulder, he didn't even flinch.
"It won't, Hiccup. True love never dies, and she'll always be with you in your heart." Astrid said softly to him.
"Yeah...yeah I know that, Astrid. But I guess it just doesn't feel real that she's gone ya know? Camicazi is one the first people I ever found on my travels...She was one of the people who inspired me to keep inventing, building this place. Supporting all my ideas and even the ones that failed...she pushed me to keep going until they worked. She is the person I told when Alvin wanted me to become chief, the same night I asked her out in fact...She told me if I became chief, she'd be with me every step of the way...forever." Hiccup sighed looking down with his eyes closed.
"I understand...Well not...losing a lover or nothing but...well you know what happened to me. I lost my dad and it was years ago...when we were like what, 10? It hurt, still does. He said he'd always be with me, to see me start dragon training, to win the honor of killing my first dragon...but...it didn't happen that way. He isn't with me, and I didn't even win that honor...but he is still with me...in here." Astrid said with a soft smile, putting her hand over her heart. "And Camicazi...is always with you, forever. And she lives on through your children, Hiccup. Just like with my dad always being in my heart, and always being with me...Camicazi will always be in yours. She'll always be right here, Hiccup." Astrid said as she moved her hand to Hiccup's heart looking at him softly.
Hiccup didn't say anything at first, he sat there in the sand trying to process what Astrid said to him. Sure he knew those words, Cami said them herself the day she died but then why did it sound more...real hearing it from Astrid? Hiccup didn't understand it. Finally he looked down at the rings in his hand and sighed tucking them away in his armor so they'd be safe. Hiccup faced her now with calm eyes.
"I know you like to act tough, Hiccup...but you don't have to around me. I can see how much this hurts you, we all saw it that day you brought the kids here. When you took off and yelled out in to the sky, we saw it during the memorial on Snoggletog. You wore the mask those times, we couldn't see your face but we could tell. There's no hiding that pain...I'll leave you alone if you want to have a moment. I'll even keep people away from here for you..." Astrid offered as she went to get up but she froze when Hiccup grabbed her wrist lightly to stop her.
"Don't..." He whispered. Astrid's eyes widened now, he...didn't want her to go? This was definitely a side of him she hadn't seen yet.
"Hiccup?" Astrid asked now.
"Don't...go." Hiccup forced out, Astrid looked down at him. His head was down, only his left hand was up and holding her wrist, not tightly either. "Don't leave...please..." Hiccup asked. Astrid couldn't believe it, he wanted her to stay? He was asking her to stay. "Please Astrid...just...stay with me right now. I don't...want to be alone." Hiccup murmured slowly. Astrid nodded lightly and sat back down with her knees bent and legs off to the side, still a little surprised at his words. Hiccup let go of her wrist, he was still staring at the stone with a sadness in his deep green hues. "Thank you." Hiccup whispered to her.
"Yo–you're welcome..." Astrid replied gently. They sat there quietly a few minutes before Hiccup took a slow inhale before releasing it.
"I saved Berk that day because I knew it was the right thing to do." Hiccup said finally. Astrid looked over at him wondering what he was talking about and then she remembered that while they were flying she had asked Hiccup a few questions, one being why he saved them on Berk during the raid. She didn't say anything for once, she just listened. "It was about a week after the 3 year anniversary of Cami being taken from me and the kids and in those three years...my scouting teams and I had been watching the nest carefully. Learning all we could about the queen. We wanted to know everything we could because I planned to end her life, for taking my wife from me and our children...I stayed back this time planning the final strategy for it, I sent Asger and a group of 6 to the nest to give me a final check...But when he reported back to me, he told me that there were Berkian ships docked there, and men had been sent back to tell Stoick about it." Hiccup explained to her.
"So that explains how you knew we knew where the nest was..." Astrid pointed out now. Hiccup nodded to her as he went to continue.
"I told him to ready the defense teams, to bring 3 with us. I made it clear that if I had to destroy your ships myself, I would. Anything to keep your tribe from going to the nest..." Hiccup said looking down still.
"You knew what you were dealing with, but we didn't...Stoick made the choice to search for the nest right after he assumed you were dead...You knew we wouldn't survive if we went there...Hell I know we wouldn't of after we saw that thing rise from the water..." Astrid stared out to the sea off the beach, the calm waves.
"Exactly...So I told myself I'd do something I didn't want to ever have to do again...which was return to Berk and try to reason with Stoick on going, to explain how dangerous is was, to make him understand it was suicide to go there having no idea about her. I'd been watching for 3 years...I knew what to expect...you all would of gone in blind and probably all died...So we set out for Berk and when we arrived and I saw the raid going on...I knew it would only fuel Stoick to continue his pursuit...that's why I stepped in and used the Alpha to over rule the queen's control...to make the raid stop. It was in high hopes if you saw the Alpha you'd back off...Of course not. You bunch of thrill seekers only wanted to know more...hell you even guessed it was me when I first arrived...first thing Stoick said was my name..." Hiccup closed his eyes.
"Okay...makes sense there I guess...so you saved us because it was the right thing to do...does that mean even after all we did you still...kind'a cared about us?" Astrid asked nervously.
Hiccup was quiet at first then he sighed with a nod, "You could say that...just because you all were stubborn and set in your ways at the time, doesn't mean I want a bunch of innocent people to die and continue believing dragons were bad...I don't know what I was thinking at the time. I just knew you were going in blind and many people would die for no reason...just like Cami did...She died saving Runa from that thing...and...I didn't...want to see it happen again, Astrid. You have no idea...how much it hurt, still hurts..." Hiccup trailed off, Astrid frowned.
"I can't even begin to imagine that, Hiccup...and I'm sorry it happened to you. No one deserves that...and thank you for saving us that day...I'm sure we didn't deserve to die but we also didn't deserve to be saved by the one who we cast out...we were sure...you hated us for what we did to you..." Astrid closed her eyes lightly.
"As much as you all did, with the exception of Fishlegs...no...I still didn't hate you. I accepted that is how you all were...and that at the time I couldn't change it. Even though I wasn't accepted for who I was...I still accepted you all for how you were. There was no reason for a bunch of innocent people to die when I had the power to stop it...so regardless of the fact it was my former home and the place that threw me out because of what I did...I saved it." Hiccup stated.
"So...why did you let us come with you when the queen was coming here...? You saved us from danger...why did you bring us here? Did you want us to see all you'd done or something?" Astrid asked now.
"That's another thing I'm still not sure about, I've been asking myself everyday why I allowed it. Still haven't found an answer for it. If I had to take a shot in the dark, it was impulse. After I stopped the raid and tried to reason with Stoick about going to the nest, hearing his reasons just...set something off. A desire to prove how wrong he was about dragons...then...hearing him say he was sorry for what he did and he didn't even know it was me under that mask...I was stunned. Hearing all of you tell me that you wanted to make it right, make up for what you did...knowing the Red Death was going to Dragons Edge, it was impulse that I said you could come. Like I said, no idea why. Just happened that way. Maybe somewhere in my mind I wanted to prove to Stoick he couldn't handle the queen, or prove to all of you what 'Hiccup' wanted you to see what peace was like...I don't know...it just worked out the way it did. Seems like my call that night was well decided seeing where things are now..." Hiccup forced a chuckle now.
"Maybe it was just a mix of everything...but yeah your right. I never knew life could be this peaceful...all my life was fighting dragons. And then...that one day seeing you in the cove with Toothless...it changed. I saw it then but I guess it scared me and what I was...forced to believe about dragons and I ran to tell your da—I mean Stoick...I feel like...if I hadn't maybe you wouldn't of been cast out." Astrid sighed.
"I wouldn't of been. Because I would of left that day, like I planned too. I never wanted to be in training, I told Stoick that and he didn't listen. So I went and did everything I could to get kicked out of training but instead it backfired and everything thought I was some great...dragon master or whatever. I didn't want the popularity...I just wanted to get away. I was going to leave on Toothless the day you found me in the cove, just disappear and never come back. When that didn't work...I went to plan B...which was try to show everyone the truth, that backfired too and then I had no choice and that was something I accepted. Trust me, its not your fault, Astrid. Either way...there was no place for me on Berk." Hiccup replied as he looked at her with a calm smile.
"I guess...so my last question..." Astrid stated.
"Why I hid who I was?" Hiccup asked, Astrid nodded. "Well originally when I went to Berk to try and reason with Stoick...before I knew you had all regretted the choice to cast me out...I was told if I ever returned I'd be killed on sight. So what choice did I have there...and for everything else until the night I took the mask off...Couldn't tell ya. Part of me wanted to show you all that I was alive, had survived the last 7 years, had a wife who was taken from me far too soon, had 2 children and an adopted one...I wanted to do it on the ship honestly but something held me back. I still don't know what it was. Something told me make it seem like I was gone from your lives. You'd cast me out, removing my former life from Berk...so I saw no reason to stray from that. But as it continued and Stoick and all of you continued to push about not believing everything that was right in front of you...I knew it was only a matter of time. I'm sure you all questioned why you never saw me without the mask...so I just rode it out...waiting until the right moment to reveal myself. Originally, it was going to be after the fight with the Red Death...but seeing my children's faces so worried...I had to do it then so they could see my eyes, to know it was going to be okay." Hiccup explained.
"You hid yourself because you wanted us to feel the guilt of casting you out, didn't you?..." Astrid asked slowly.
"In a way. That's why I made up that lame story about killing myself, see the reactions it got. Honestly when I let you all come, I felt like you were lying so I wanted to see the truth...so I used everything I could, every chance I got to give you little pieces of information about myself and all I did to see the reactions...and well, I was impressed. Stoick however, I'm not sold on. I know he means well and is trying is hardest to get me to accept him...huh man that feels weird to say..." Hiccup looked up now taking in a deep breath.
"What do you mean?" Astrid tilted her head a bit.
"I spent most of my life until 15...trying to Stoick to accept me as his son...and it took him casting me out to realize it. And here we are...7 years later with him trying to get me to accept him as my father...to forgive him for the past but to be truthful here...I don't know if I can." Hiccup sighed out.
"W–well you forgave us...Can't you...do the same thing?" Astrid asked now.
"I tried, Astrid. I tried. But...something is holding me back. Its why I came out flying this morning...I wanted to figure it out. I know he's trying, genuinely he is. But something is stopping me from forgiving him, and I don't know what it is. I feel...like there's something else he needs to do, like what he's doing now isn't...enough." Hiccup closed his eyes.
"I'm just...going out on a limb here but...you think you're holding back because of the past?" Astrid offered looking at him.
"Elaborate if you don't mind?" Hiccup asked her.
"From everything you told me today...and since we got here, Hiccup...you keep...going back to him never accepting you. You just said it too...you spend most of your life trying to gain acceptance and never got it, until it no longer mattered." Astrid said, Hiccup continued to listen to her now. "I think...you're holding back because before you were cast out...it was you who though you weren't doing enough to earn Stoick's acceptance." Astrid said.
"I'm not...following." Hiccup mumbled.
"Ugh...Lets try this...when we came here and you told us we had to earn your trust...we all decided we would. That we'd give it an actual shot at living this lifestyle and Gods we love it if I can speak for all of us riders that is...But...when did we earn your trust? For you, when did you forgive us?" Astrid asked.
"Well Fishlegs...I forgave as soon as he told me he didn't agree with casting me out, that he stuck up for me. For you...it was when you saved my daughter...The others...I think it was when I was about to start your training with Stormfly and Meatlug...Seeing how Hookfang, Barf and Belch reacted to them. And seeing Snotlout and the twins actually...listening to orders for once...showing me a desire they wanted to learn about everything, to give it an actual chance..." Hiccup shrugged.
"I think what's holding you back from forgiving Stoick...is that he hasn't shown you an interest in what you do." Astrid said. Hiccup looked at her now, trying to make sense of what she was saying. "Hiccup...you've told us since we got here as Strike all the amazing things you have done since you arrived here. Made allies with Outcasts, turning this place in to a thriving, plentiful, dragon friendly village. Between the peace with dragons and your inventions, being chief...all the things that make you...well you. But not once...has Stoick shown an interest in it. His only interest has been getting you back as a son..." Astrid said now.
Hiccup's eyes widened slightly. She was right, that's what was holding him back. Even before he was cast out, he wasn't accepted for the things he could do, even if they'd given him the chance to do it. Stoick wouldn't of cared, even when Hiccup did good in dragon training, his former father only cared that Hiccup was like him. Stoick didn't care what Hiccup could do, or had done. He showed no interest in it then, and he still doesn't now. That's what was making Hiccup not forgive him, because his father still didn't care. He wanted his son back, but nothing else mattered to him.
"I know you don't want too, Hiccup...but...maybe...you should try talking to him. Just sit him down and tell him everything, like you are with me right now. No one to get in the way or stop you, no interruptions...just you two talking. You can't lie to me, you've been avoiding him like the plague...Talk to him, Hiccup." Astrid offered. Hiccup looked down now, deciding if he should or shouldn't. The sun was up fully now and people were making their way around the village starting their work. Astrid looked back as she got up now, Hiccup watched her. "I guess I better go. Bjorn said we all had to meet in the ring for an early class today by 8am...I'll see you later okay? And if you...ever want to talk again. I'd be happy to listen." Astrid smiled gently. Hiccup nodded to her as she started to walk off.
"Hey...Astrid?" Hiccup said now, she stopped and looked at him. "Thanks...You know for sitting with me and letting me talk..." Hiccup then smiled at her. Astrid was a little surprised but she nodded her head.
"Anytime." Astrid replied as she got on Stormfly and flew off. Hiccup got out of the sand and stood up facing the water, he didn't say anything or move just stared at the water. Astrid was right, Hiccup needed to talk to Stoick. Face to face and with no interruptions. Hiccup sighed looking up at the blue sky now, yes. He would talk to him and he wasn't wasting another moment in doing so. Hiccup walked over to Toothless and climbed on his back.
"Alright bud...Lets find Stoick." Hiccup told him, Toothless crooned and took off when his tail was opened. Hiccup had to do this, or he'd never be able to forgive Stoick for everything. Hiccup had to understand why Stoick did this, why he still didn't accept him, why he didn't care about all of Hiccup's accomplishments. Hiccup was determined, he would get his answers today and that was final.