Chapter 6

The next few days were calm. Ranch hands were around the ranch in various places keeping a lookout. Since Sheriff Madden had been made aware of the situation, he'd stationed several deputies around the train station as well as the stage depot to keep an eye out for anyone looking suspicious or heard asking about Becca and Emma.

Becca and Emma continued to win the hearts of the Barkley's. Audra particularly enjoyed spending time with the young child and asked to take her on a ride. They promised not to go too far and several of the ranch hands followed at a distance. Becca was apprehensive about allowing it, but she knew she had to let the child to do something fun.

Victoria and Becca worked in the garden, the flowers in full bloom. Becca loved the fragrances that wafted through the air and she missed spending time outdoors. She was glad to relax and not be looking over her shoulder every moment. The women talked off and on, enjoying getting to know one another.

"It is nice to see Jarrod happy again," Victoria expressed after they'd been chatting for a while. "After Beth, he's had this darkness about him. He tries to hide it. Thinks that I don't see it, but a mother knows her child."

Becca wasn't sure who "Beth" was. She was about to ask when Victoria spoke again.

"I'm going to take these to put in some water. Why don't you start on those over there? We can use them in the dining room tonight."

Becca nodded mutely.

Jarrod had come from the study and decided to find Becca. He saw her standing in his mother's garden and couldn't help but think she was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. Her dark hair was put atop her head, but small tendrils had started to fall around her neck. He walked up behind and put his arms around her, kissing the back of her neck.

Becca turned to him, smelling the scotch on his breath. Her violet eyes showed confusion.

"Who is Beth?" she asked.

Jarrod dropped his arms.

"She was my wife," he stated. "She passed away."

"Oh Jarrod. I had no idea," Becca replied, her eyes showing compassion. "I'm so sorry. How long ago?"

Jarrod cleared his throat. He'd meant to talk to Becca before now about Beth, but he hadn't. He was kicking himself for delaying the much needed conversation.

"Five months ago."

Becca's eyes widened. She stepped back and looked at him in surprise.

"Were you married when we were up at the lodge?"

"No! No, Becca, I wasn't. I promise."

Becca nodded but then thought of something else.

"Were you engaged?" she whispered. She remembered he hadn't responded to her when she'd mentioned someone waiting for him at home when they had been at the lodge.

"No."

"I don't understand, then."

Jarrod sighed berating himself for not talking to her about this earlier. He knew it was going to sound badly no matter how he phrased it, but he had hoped to talk to Becca about it privately, and not in his Mother's rose garden where anyone could overhear the conversation.

"Let's go inside and talk," he said reaching out to her.

"No," Becca replied firmly. "I want to know right now about Beth. When you met her. Everything."

Jarrod glanced over at the door grateful his mother hadn't returned.

"Can we at least sit down?" he asked. Becca nodded and the two sat on a small bench.

"I met Beth on my way back from Washington five and a half months ago. She was on her way to Denver to start a teaching position. Becca, you have to understand I was devastated when you and Emma left."

"Not too devastated obviously since you up and married someone so quickly," Becca said, her voice sounding choked.

"That's unfair, Becca. You're the one who made the decision to leave. I wanted to bring you both back here."

Jarrod knew the moment the words left his mouth it was the wrong thing to say, even if it was true. Becca's eyes widened and she stood. Jarrod stood as well and reached for her, but she pushed him away.

"No," was all she said as she walked away.

Victoria had heard the end of their conversation, not meaning to eaves drop but she couldn't walk away quickly enough. Becca was too upset to notice the older woman as she rushed past.

Jarrod sat back down and put his head in his hands.

"Jarrod," Victoria called to him. Jarrod lifted his head and looked at his mother.

"Go to her," Victoria said.

Jarrod walked past his mother and rushed to catch up with Becca.

Becca was trying to hold herself together until she could get to her room, but it was a losing battle. She was halfway up the stairs when she realized someone was walking down the stairs toward her. Becca was having difficulty catching her breath, holding on to the railing as she trudged up the stairs.

"Becca, are you alright?" Heath's voice stopped her.

"I'm fine," she managed to push out the words, but it was with some difficulty. Dark spots were appearing before Becca's eyes because she couldn't take a breath. She tried to take one more step but started to fall. Heath caught her.

"No, you're not. Let me get Jarrod," Heath said, holding on to her.

"No! I can't see him right now. Please, just help me get to my room," Becca pleaded. Normally Heath would have called out for help, but the way Becca looked at him he couldn't refuse her.

Neither saw Jarrod as he'd come into the foyer. He watched as Heath held on to Becca and help her up the stairs. Jarrod cursed under his breath and marched into the study. Heath glanced back and saw Jarrod's retreating form.

Jarrod poured himself a glass of scotch and knocked it back. Then poured another. After his fourth he finally put the glass down.

"Don't you think that's enough?" he heard Heath ask.

"Leave me alone, Heath," Jarrod said flatly.

"Jarrod, Becca is very upset. She needs you."

Jarrod looked over at his younger brother and his eyes narrowed.

"I know what Becca needs, Heath. Stay out of it."

Heath normally didn't involve himself in other people's affairs, but he felt compelled to step in this time. Jarrod picked up the decanter to pour another drink when he felt a hand on his arm. It took all of Jarrod's self-control to not lay Heath out flat.

"Look, Big Brother," Heath said through gritted teeth, inches from Jarrod's face. "There's a woman upstairs carrying your child who needs you to step it up. Don't let those demons win."

With that, Heath walked out of the room. Jarrod poured another glass and set the decanter down with force. He walked over to the unlit fireplace and stared into it as he gulped down the liquid. He could feel the rage building inside of him, but he wasn't sure who it was directed at the most. He threw the glass into the fireplace and stalked off.

He knew Heath was right and that Becca needed him, but first, Jarrod needed to calm himself down.

Jarrod normally saddled Jingo when he rode horseback but he didn't want to wait. One of the hands had just arrived back from the North Pasture and Jarrod told him he needed his horse. The man saw cold, angry eyes and knew it was best not to deny Jarrod Barkley what he wanted.

Jarrod's tumultuous thoughts were jumbled. He'd been a fool to think Becca would understand about Beth. He'd had plenty of chances to explain so they could talk things through, but he'd passed up every single one. There was always an excuse why he didn't say anything.

The look in Becca's eyes tore at him. The hurt and betrayal. He had to make her understand that he didn't forget about her so quickly. He was in agony and he'd used Beth to try and fill the gaping hole left by Becca and Emma. He knew he could have been happy with Beth. They could have made a go of it and then she was killed. The guilt of what he'd done was almost too much for him.

Jarrod arrived in town and tied the horse to the hitching post outside his office. He was tempted to go to Big Annie's but thought better of it. He knew he'd see Ruthie and in his current state he was afraid he'd do something he'd regret.

He went to his office and closed the door. He poured a glass of scotch and sat at his desk brooding. His eyelids grew heavy, and he began to doze.

There was a gentle knock on the door but Becca didn't want to answer it. If it were Jarrod, she wasn't ready to face him. If it were anyone else, she wasn't prepared to answer any questions or talk to anyone. She hoped they would just go away, whoever it was, but the knock came again, and Becca knew she had to answer.

Victoria was concerned about Becca and after not receiving a reply from the second knock, she decided she'd go in the room anyway. Victoria came into the foyer just as Jarrod stormed out. He had come from the study so she knew he hadn't been upstairs to see Becca. In her delicate condition, Victoria was afraid for the woman, knowing she'd been very upset. Just as Victoria reached for the knob, the door opened. Becca stood before her, her eyes red and puffy, her face pale.

"I wanted to check on you, Becca. May I come in?"

Becca wanted to refuse but knew she couldn't. She stepped away from the door and allowed the older woman to come inside the room. The two sat in chairs close to one another on the other side of the room from the bed. Becca was glad to be off her feet.

"I have to apologize, Becca. I am sorry I mentioned Beth."

Becca shook her head. "You don't need to apologize, Victoria. I was just surprised. And I'm not sure what I should do now."

"What do you mean?"

Becca took a deep breath. She could feel the tears in her eyes and knew she was powerless to stop them from running down her cheeks. Her violet eyes met the other woman's gray ones and Becca expected to see judgement or anger but instead saw compassion. It was almost her undoing.

"I never meant for any of this to happen," she said just above a whisper. "I agreed to testify so Elliot Thatcher would pay for his crimes. Instead, I've put my daughter's life in danger and ruined your son's life."

Victoria's brow furrowed.

"Becca, the way my son looks at you, I can assure you his life isn't ruined. No, you two didn't go about things the right way. And I know hearing of his marriage to Beth was a shock to you. There's nothing to be done about any of that now."

Becca wanted to believe Victoria, but she wasn't sure she could.

"I find myself doubting everything now. The choices I've made. I'm afraid to make any decisions now because I don't know if I trust myself."

Victoria took a deep breath and released it. She regarded the woman in front of her. To say that she was surprised to find out about Becca and the baby she and Jarrod shared was an understatement. She was angry at first, she fully admitted that to herself. Not at the woman in front of her as much as her son.

"I cannot imagine all you've been through. Losing a husband. Being on the run. Fearing for the life of you and your child," Victoria said quietly. "It is understandable that you're doubting yourself. I would like to say, in just the short time I've known you that I'm very impressed with the woman my son loves. And he does love you."

Throughout Victoria's speech, Becca stared at her hands. She raised her eyes to Victoria.

"Hearing you say that means a lot, Victoria. I do have to apologize for…for…"

"For what?" Victoria asked, although she had a feeling, she already knew what Becca was referring to.

"The baby," Becca whispered.

"The baby is a blessing. No, he or she wasn't planned, but no baby is a mistake, nor should they be ashamed of either," Victoria stated, her tone not allowing any room for arguing. She firmly believed what she said, thinking about Heath. She was thankful he had not allowed the "morals" of old biddies and simple minded men to keep him from being the kind-hearted man he was.

Becca nodded mutely.

"Becca, do you love Jarrod?" Victoria asked. She knew she was stepping over a line, but she had to ask.

Becca's eyes filled with tears. She nodded.

"More than words can even describe," Becca said softly. She continued, "I just don't know him. And he doesn't really know me. And now, we're both trapped. I don't want to marry him to satisfy society or a sense of honor."

Victoria smiled despite the situation. Becca seemed to be a sweet and quiet woman, but Victoria knew she was also very brave.

"While I would like for you two to be married before my grandchild makes an appearance, I do understand your hesitancy."

Becca shifted in her seat, trying to find a comfortable position.

"Are you feeling alright, Becca?" Victoria asked.

"My back has been hurting most of the day."

Becca stood, hoping the change in position would help. Victoria stood with her and gave the younger woman a hug.

When they broke apart, Victoria said, "It's going to be alright, Becca. I know things seem dire right now, but you'll see. You and Jarrod need to sit down and talk."

Becca agreed and thanked her as she walked Victoria to the door.

"If it's alright with you, Victoria, I'd like to lie down for a while. Would you or Audra be able to put Emma down for her afternoon nap?"

"Of course, dear. We just finished getting the room next door ready and I was going to suggest moving her in there beginning tonight. It'll be perfect for her nap. Please let me know if you need anything."

"I will," Becca replied. She went to the bed and gently lowered herself. Her back hurt so badly and she was hoping by getting off her feet, the pain would go away.

She thought about Jarrod and couldn't stop the tears from falling. She wished he'd told her about Beth, and she couldn't help but wonder why he hadn't.