Chapter 9

Becca had agreed to see Jarrod with Emma before bedtime and to continue their tradition of reading before tucking her in for the night. She had no desire to upend her daughter's life any more than it was and keeping things consistent was the key. Becca almost requested having Emma stay with her but knew that wouldn't work, especially if the labor pains started up again. They both needed to be in their own rooms.

Jarrod and Emma entered Becca's room and Emma climbed up onto the bed. Becca was sitting up, ensconced in pillows and blankets, her long dark hair falling over to one side. Jarrod thought she looked beautiful.

Emma kissed her mother on the cheek and then settled down next to her. Jarrod noticed that Becca was having a hard time looking him in the eye and had come to realize she did that when she was upset. He knew he had a long way to go before she was comfortable with him again, but he was going to do whatever he had to, to make that happen.

Becca listened to Jarrod as he read to Emma and noticed how enthralled she was with the story. The baby also seemed to be listening as he or she settled down and relaxed as Jarrod's deep voice resonated throughout the room. Becca herself was feeling more relaxed and enjoying the tender moment. It reminded her of the lodge and how much she longed to go back there. That was where she felt the most at peace and safe.

Emma was starting to doze when Jarrod finished the chapter. Jarrod picked her up and started to walk away when Becca's voice stopped him.

"Would you mind coming back after you tuck her in?"

Jarrod smiled. "Of course. I'll be back as soon as I can."

Jarrod's heart was thrilled, and he told himself not to get too excited. He needed to do what he could to keep Becca calm and relaxed. He needed to choose his words carefully and he also knew he needed to not smell like scotch. He hadn't had any since his office that morning and didn't plan to partake any time soon even though the desire was strong.

Emma settled down quickly and Jarrod came back to Becca's room. He knocked softly and waited for her to call for him to enter. Jarrod sat in the same chair he'd been in when he was reading to Emma.

Becca wasn't sure where to begin. Jarrod watched her as she took a few deep breaths.

"Becca, look at me," he said softly. She lifted her violet eyes to meet his blue ones. His heart broke as he saw the sadness and fear. He came to sit next to her on the bed and put his hands on either side of her face.

"I love you, Becca. I know I've made a mess of things, but I want you to know I love you."

Becca's eyes filled with tears. She grabbed onto Jarrod's hands and held them tightly.

"I love you too," she whispered. She took a deep breath and looked Jarrod in the eye.

"I want you to tell me everything about Beth. And Jarrod, I mean everything. You and I don't know one another well at all. Well, we do in the biblical sense I suppose," she said ruefully. Jarrod couldn't help but smile.

"I know it might hurt but I want to know about what the two of you had and what happened after she…she died."

Jarrod considered her words. He knew this was what they needed. Time together.

"I will tell you everything, but not tonight. You need rest and I am under strict orders not to do anything that will upset you."

Becca nodded in agreement, knowing he was right. Jarrod did have something else to say however. After dinner, Nick had pulled Jarrod aside to tell him about Emma overhearing him and Audra referring to him as Pappy which explained why she had started calling him that earlier that afternoon. Jarrod felt he needed to let Becca know.

"Becca, my siblings have a nickname for me, and Emma overheard one of them referring to me by that name. She's started calling me that and I wanted to talk to you about it."

"Alright. What's the nickname?"

"Pappy."

Becca smiled. It did seem to suit Jarrod.

"I know that you want her to remember Adam and I want that too. I can't replace him. I just didn't want you to be surprised if you heard her call me that. And if you'd rather she didn't…"

Becca put her hand on Jarrod's face.

"You're right that I want her to remember Adam. I do think it's time we decided on something other than 'Uncle Mister Jarrod' especially now that she's legally yours. Unless we want this one calling you that too," Becca said with a small laugh as she rubbed her swollen belly.

"I think her calling you Pappy is fine as long as your family doesn't mind?" Becca asked.

"They shouldn't," Jarrod replied, taking her hand in his own.

The two spent the next hour talking in soft tones. Becca leaned into Jarrod, him having his arm around her. Nothing in particular was discussed, just random topics. Becca felt more relaxed than she had in a while. She knew whatever Jarrod told her in the coming days about him and Beth would be difficult to hear, but she knew she shouldn't doubt his love for her.

Becca was carefully moved into Jarrod's room and a routine was developed over the next several weeks. Jarrod, Victoria, or Audra would help Becca tend to her personal needs first thing in the morning. Then Emma would come into the bedroom when she awakened and the two spent some time together. Audra would come and get the young girl and take her to get ready and then to breakfast. Emma would spend the morning with either Audra, Victoria, or Silas, depending on the day's planned activities. Nick would also take the young girl with him on short rides if work permitted. Heath worked on a small dollhouse he hoped to give her soon.

Every morning, Jarrod brought breakfast to his room for them both. Afterward, while Jarrod went into the office for a few hours, Victoria would help Becca with getting ready which usually meant a short trip to the bathroom to freshen up and then back to bed.

One day, when Jarrod arrived at the ranch from town he saw Dr. Merar's buggy causing him to hurry inside. No one was downstairs so he ran up to his room where he saw his mother and Dr. Merar standing just outside the door.

"Things are looking good. She still needs complete rest. I think she'll deliver early but if we can keep her calm maybe we can make it another few weeks," the doctor was saying. He looked over at Jarrod and noticed he was looking much better than the last time he saw him.

"I'll walk you down," Victoria said.

Jarrod sighed with relief and went into their room.

Becca smiled at him. He removed his jacket and laid it at the end of the bed before coming to sit on the bed next to her. He bent to kiss her on her cheek.

"You're back early," she said, glad to have him home.

"I thought we could spend the day together," he said kissing her hand. "Do you need anything? Some tea? Something to eat?"

Becca shook her head no. "Your mother…your entire family has been wonderful. Heath stopped by after you left this morning and then Nick. Of course, Emma loves her Uncle Mister Nick. She loves Heath too but there's something about Nick that seems to have won her heart."

Jarrod smiled. Nick, for all his gruffness and loud personality, was a gentle man. He'd seen how he was with Emma and knew the feeling was mutual.

The two fell in an easy silence.

"Becca," Jarrod said as he took her hand in his. "I married Beth quickly, but it wasn't because I forgot about you and Emma. It was because I wanted to forget about you."

He brought his eyes up to meet hers. She didn't say anything and waited for him to continue.

"When you left, I was devastated. I don't ever remember feeling that hurt before. There was a void and when I met Beth on the train, I thought she could fill it. Looking back, I know I was wrong. And then when she was killed, I literally lost my mind. I almost did the unthinkable and went after the man who killed her."

Jarrod fell silent, unsure of how to continue. He looked again at Becca and wondered if he'd see hurt or anger, but he only saw compassion in her eyes.

"I feel responsible for Beth dying. I didn't pull the trigger but if I hadn't been so selfish, she would still be alive. And I've let that guilt eat away at me which is why I started drinking so much."

"Oh Jarrod," Becca said, tears springing to her eyes. She put her hand on Jarrod's cheek. "I thought perhaps you were drinking so much because you felt trapped."

Jarrod looked at Becca in surprise.

"Trapped? No, Becca. That couldn't be further from the truth! I want you and only you. I want you and Emma in my life forever. I want our baby. And I want to make more babies and live a long life and grow old with you. Watch our children grow and their children."

Becca nodded her throat tight with emotion.

"I want that too," she whispered. Jarrod leaned in and kissed Becca, and she wrapped her arms around him. He deepened the kiss and Becca responded. They knew they couldn't take things any farther, but the small intimate moment was what the two needed.

Emma continued to win the hearts of those she was around. Even the gruffest of ranch hands who were around her laughed at her antics. She was always seen with her dolly in the green dress but would occasionally talk about her dolly with the blue dress that she missed.

All the men had been informed that there was a possibility of danger and they were to keep an eye on their surroundings. Anything that looked even the slightest bit out of place was to be reported to Jarrod, Nick, or Heath right away.

Jarrod had received word from John Hampton that Elliot Thatcher was still actively looking for Becca and Emma. While Jarrod was no longer worried about Becca being charged with kidnapping or Elliot being able to take Emma away from them, he was concerned that the man might try to harm them all in some way.

Off and on throughout the next few weeks, the conversations between Jarrod and Becca would center on Beth and Jarrod's time with her. He asked not to talk about Rimfire, at least not right away. There were still things that his family didn't know that he'd done and he didn't want them overhearing. Especially his mother and sister. While it was difficult to wait, Becca agreed until they could be truly alone before he opened up to her about it.

For now, Becca was going to be content with what he'd already told her. She enjoyed the time she and Jarrod were able to share together, knowing that it could all change in an instant. The threat of Elliot Thatcher was still very real. They'd manage to thwart him by marrying and Jarrod adopting Emma, but Becca knew he wasn't one to give up easily. She'd betrayed him by agreeing to testify against him. He wouldn't soon forget.

Becca was feeling restless. Jarrod had left to go get them a snack and to check on Emma who had gone down for her nap. Becca decided she'd move to the small settee for a change of scenery. She'd still be relaxing, she told herself. She hadn't had any pains in weeks, and the doctor was more confident that if they started up again, she and baby would be fine even if it were over a month and a half early.

"Should you be up and about, young lady?" Jarrod asked as he walked back into the room carrying a tray of food.

"Oh Jarrod, I'm so tired of staying in that bed. I didn't walk far. And sitting here will definitely help lift my spirits," she insisted. Jarrod wasn't sure he agreed but thought better than to push back.

"Maybe once the baby is born, we can contact my mother?" Becca asked.

Before Jarrod could answer, Emma came bouncing through the door. Jarrod was thankful for the child's distraction.

"Mama! Pappy!" she called out.

Emma jumped up into Jarrod's lap and the young girl talked about what she and Silas had done together that morning. He had allowed Emma to help him bake bread and tend to the small garden not far from the Barkley house.

"I thought I heard you," Audra said as she walked into the room. "Silas is taking the last loaf from the oven and wanted to know if you could help him with tasting it?"

Emma jumped down from Jarrod's lap and ran off. Jarrod and Becca couldn't help but laugh at the child's excitement. Jarrod put his arm around Becca and she leaned into him. The two were lost in their own thoughts until Becca asked the question that had been on her heart for a while.

"Do you think we can contact my mother?" Becca asked.

Jarrod took a deep breath. He didn't want to deny Becca's request but knew it was still dangerous for all of them, including her mother.

"Let me think of what the best way would be to do so. Elliot still doesn't know where you are, and I'd like to keep it that way."

Becca agreed but she had a difficult time stuffing down her disappointment. She hadn't heard from her mother in too long. She knew Jarrod was just trying to keep them all safe. Hopefully, things would settle down soon.