Finally, an update! I feel like I've been gone forever. Don't worry, I haven't abandoned my stories, and I never will. I've just been really, really, really busy, so much so that I haven't had the time to log on to ffnet properly to thank everyone personally for the lovely reviews I've gotten in the past few weeks. Please know that I really appreciate them, each and every one of them, no matter how long or short they are. *bows*
I wrote this on various mobile devices over a several weeks and two continents, so even though I've tried my best to proof read it, some errors might still get through. If you see any, shoot me a PM so that I can correct it! :)
I hover over Nelliel on my knees, supporting myself with one arm and covering the back of my head with the other. Debris rain down everywhere around us, surrounding us with a cloud of dust. Bits of who-knows-what bounce off my back, biting and scraping my skin through the fabric of my shirt. One big one that feels like a fist-sized rock misses my hand and lands right smack on my head. I immediately feel hot liquid trickling down the side of my face.
Not two seconds later, something hard strikes my back, knocking the air out of my lungs. It hurts like a bitch, like I just got whacked with a baseball bat by a professional hitter. I grunt in pain and land on my elbows, nearly collapsing on top of Nelliel.
Then, as abruptly as it had begun, it's over. My ears continues to ring for a few more seconds, then I'm suddenly overcome by a wave a nausea. The world seems to tilt on its axis, and I feel myself fall. A pair of wide, frightened hazel eyes greet my half-lidded ones, and I try to reach out to her.
The last thing I see before my vision goes dark, is a blob of vibrant orange in my face.
A stretch of stunned silence follows the loud crash. Urahara is the first to react, his bucket hat flying as he runs towards the two huddled figures on the ground. I snap out of it next and join him, jumping over steel beams and shattered wooden planks along the way like I'm going through an obstacle course.
Jaegerjaques is bent over Nelliel on his elbows and knees, his arms shaking as he tries to push himself up. But eventually gravity wins and he tips forward, his forehead grazing Nelliel's before he falls on his side and rolls over. I drop to my knees next to him, my heart leaping into my throat in horror at the sight of bright crimson smeared along his hairline. His eyes are open at half-mast, his features scrunched up into a grimace as he lets out a soft groan.
"Nel," he murmurs, turning to look at me. Then his eyes roll back into his head and he passes out.
Next to him, Nelliel sits up, face pale but relatively unscathed. I vaguely register Urahara yelling for someone to call nine-one-one, but my attention is fixed on the unconscious man in front of me.
My heart dislodges itself from my throat and sinks slowly to the pits of my stomach. Jaegerjaques looks like a mess, his hair and face covered in dust and smudges of blood. The red stains stands out starkly against his baby blue locks and flawless skin, making him seem almost colorless in contrast.
A few minutes later, a team of paramedics arrive, and I back away from the scene reluctantly. I don't know why, but I have this irrational urge to stay close, even if it's just to see him loaded safely into the ambulance. Even after the rescue vehicle pulls away, I continue to stare after it like an idiot, still not quite believing what had just happened. This is not right. I've seen the man all cut up in this movie more often than I can count, but this is real and it just looks all sorts of wrong.
"Who the fuck set that off? Who!" I hear Madarame holler angrily above the chattering of the crowd, silencing everyone immediately.
There's a pregnant pause, then a short, skinny figure steps up to him. I groan inwardly.
"I'm...I'm sorry!" Hanatarou stammers miserably. The kid looks absolutely stricken; I swear I've never seen anyone look so pale before. He's so, so screwed. "I didn't mean to...I s-slipped..."
I tune out the rest, suddenly feeling inexplicably restless. I wonder how bad it is. Nelliel looks fine, just disheveled and maybe a little traumatized. Jaegerjaques on the other hand...
The first thing that hits me when I wake up is the strong, revolting smell of antiseptic.
I'm in a fucking hospital. Fuck. I hate hospitals with a passion. It's a germ farm and I can just imagine those microscopic freaks jumping on me, probably seeping through my pores and being sucked into my nose right this minute. My stomach rolls immediately.
"Kisuke, he's awake!"
I wince when a high-pitched, girlish voice screeches nearby. The sound pierces my head like a bolt of lightning; if I didn't already have a headache, I sure as hell have one now.
Nelliel's heart-shaped, tear-streaked face pops into my blurry vision. I want to snap at her to ask her to shut the fuck up but then I suddenly remember what happened.
"You hurt?" I ask, surprised when my voice comes out scratchy. Now that I start to pay attention, I feel like I've been run over by a truck.
"Me? No!" Nelliel says, eyes wide and watery. "You stupid idiot, you saved me! You could've died!"
Umm, you're welcome?
I shift my weight, gradually aware of the throbbing pain that's coming from different parts of my body. My back especially; my shoulder blades feel stiff and a sharp ache ripples through my muscles when I try to sit up.
"Thank god you're alright," Nelliel sniffles. Before I can protest, she bends over and hugs me, smothering me with her giant boobs. I cough and try to wiggle out of her grasp, but my muscles scream in protest. Thankfully, somebody wrestles her away from me quickly.
I sink back into the pillows and gasp, the short struggle reducing me into a pathetic, panting mess. I feel like I've aged twenty years.
"Sorry about that, Jaegerjaques," Urahara's smooth, buttery voice pipes up. "She's just...we're just really relieved that you're, ah, alive. Thank you, very much."
I quirk an eyebrow. Is it really that serious? I don't remember much - just a rush of adrenaline and knowing that Nelliel was in danger. The rest is a blur, everything had happened way too fast. And then, something strikes me suddenly.
Kurosaki was there. I remember now, he was right next to me before I...my stomach flip flops uncomfortably.
"Is Kurosaki okay?" I blurt.
Urahara looks surprised for a moment, then the corners of his mouth twitch in a way that makes me regret my question at once. "Yes, he's safe," he says. "He's absolutely beside himself with worry, though. The way he was acting, you'd think that you had died..."
Kurosaki is worried? For some reason, my chest swells at that and I can't help but feel a little smug. I know it's childish, but knowing that the guy I've been obsessing over actually feels concerned makes me feel less like an idiot. Heh, maybe I can even fantasize that he doesn't hate me as much as he seems to.
"Well, we should go, you need all the rest you can get," Urahara says, still wearing that creepy smile of his on his face. "I'll be sure to tell Ichigo that you're alright!"
With that, he tips his ridiculous-looking hat at me and walts out of my room, dragging Nelliel after him and leaving me bewildered, confused, and more than a little annoyed.
Does that bastard know something that I don't?
Two days later, Jaegerjaques is back on the set. The only reason he stayed, so I hear, is that his manager threatened to chain him to the bed if he refuses.
He doesn't look much worse for wear besides some scrapes on his face and arms. He walks a little funny, but I guess that's normal after getting hit right smack in the back by a wooden beam. He's really lucky, it really could've been worse. Much worse.
When I first saw him in the morning, my first instinct had been to make a beeline straight for him. I don't know why I had the urge to do that. Maybe it's because a stupid part of me need to see for myself that it really is him. But I was saved from making a complete fool of myself when practically everyone flocked to him as soon as he appeared. Even Kenpachi seemed happy, which is something you don't see everyday. I stayed away, not wanting to interrupt the joyous reunion.
And now I'm sitting outside Ayasegawa's trailer while people are still surrounding the superstar, sipping on a bottle of mineral water while Shinji sucks on a lollipop next to me. Ishida is working on his own project, sitting cross-legged on a floor mat on my other side, sewing something that looks like a pink stuffed bunny. Shooting won't resume till next week, so we're mostly just doing paperwork and chatting, pretty much collecting free money.
"God, will you just go talk to him already?" Shinji complains for the fifth time. He makes an obscenely wet popping sound as he pulls the candy out of his mouth. "You're making me depressed."
I give him a mean look but refuse to take the bait. Ishida and Shinji have been pestering me non-stop the past couple of days, even going so far as to hail a taxi for me to "get my ass to the hospital right this minute". I had refused, of course. There's no point going. Jaegerjaques didn't seem too eager to see me that one time, I don't see how him being injured would change anything.
Still, it seems like my mind has a mind of its own. Ever since the accident, I haven't been able to sleep well. Every time I close my eyes, I see Jaegerjaques lying on the ground. Dead. Very dead - complete with splattered brain matter and spilled guts. And even though I know it's not Nelliel's fault, I've caught myself thinking that this wouldn't have happened if she hadn't wanted to do her own stupid stunts. If she weren't there, Jaegerjaques wouldn't have had to protect her. He would've had time to escape.
To be honest, I'm a little freaked out by myself, not that I'd ever admit it out loud. It's almost like I'm worried for the conceited bastard, and that notion is just so foreign and wrong to me that I can't accept it. I won't accept it. It can't be true. In what universe would it make sense to care about someone so utterly despicable, so annoying and so...evil?
Next to me, Shinji snorts, clearly unimpressed by the way I'm acting. Then, he goes and does the stupidest thing in the world. Before I know what's going on, I'm on my feet, my arm held captive in Shinji's bony fingers.
"Stop!" I cry out, panicking when I realize where he's taking me.
Too late, I see Jaegerjaques' head snap up in our direction. His eyes burn into mine, his irises a clear ocean blue in the sunlight. I falter, my footsteps slowing down even though Shinji's still tugging on my arm like a stubborn dog.
"Fuck you, Shinji," I mutter under my breath, wishing death upon the skinny blonde.
The crowd falls silent and parts automatically, making way for us. I feel the weight of seemingly a thousand pairs of eyes on me, and my heart starts to beat wildly as though it wants to burst out of my chest. Now that I'm here, I can't possibly run away. Not only will all these people think I'm crazy, but Jaegerjaques will probably say something to embarrass me in public. I'd never live it down.
"Hi," I say stupidly when I finally pull up in front of the man. Up close, I can see the bruises and cuts on his cheeks, along with the bandage that's protecting his head wound. Instead of marring his appearance, they only lend him a rugged air, making him look all the more like the action hero he's playing in the movie.
At my greeting, Jaegerjaques looks at me, his eyes prowling slowly up and down my body. I've never felt so naked as I do now.
"Uhh...how're you doing?" I ask, trying my best to look cool and collected even though I'm squirming inside.
"I'm fine," Jaegerjaques replies after a good long pause. His lips twitch a little before quirking into a crooked smile. "Thanks," he adds, clearly an afterthought.
God, this feels so awkward, even more so than the other day, when I gave him his lunch. I can't tell what's going on inside his head. His expression is unreadable. He's not grinning like he usually does, yet he doesn't look angry. He just looks...constipated, for a lack of a better word.
We must be giving off some kind of weird vibe, because I suddenly notice that the crowd has dispersed. Even Shinji has left, good riddance. On one hand, I'm relieved that nobody's here to witness my embarrassment, but on the other hand, the silence between the two of us - both looking kind of lost and clumsy - becomes all the more stifling. So I feel compelled to say something, just for talking's sake.
"So, ah, is there anything I can do to help?" I offer, feeling stupid the minute the words spill from my mouth.
What can I possibly do? I'm not his assistant - not anymore. I'm just an intern who had fought tooth and nail to get away from him. I've avoided him for weeks, not wanting to have anything to do with him. He'd be dumb to accept anything from me.
Sure enough, he gives me a weird look, like he's confused and amused at the same time. "No, I'm fine," he says with unnerving politeness.
I try not to cringe too obviously, but the surprisingly quiet rejection still stings, though I'm relieved that he doesn't say anything more biting. All throughout the exchange, our eyes remain glued to each other. Much as I want to, I can't seem to look away. His eyes are beautiful - large, slanted, exotic.
Just absolutely mesmerizing.
We probably would've spent much longer gaping dumbly at each other if not for Nelliel, who pops up suddenly behind Jaegerjaques. She wraps her arms around him and plants a very loud, very wet kiss on his cheek. I look away hastily, not wanting to intrude on what looks like a rather intimate moment between two friends. Isn't she married or something? I'm pretty sure married people aren't supposed to go around kissing other people like that. But then again, she's married to Urahara so I really shouldn't be surprised...
"My hero!" she coos before kissing him again, this time on his temple.
I choose to leave then, turning around quickly so that I don't have to watch Nelliel crush her savior with her ample bosom...again.
After yelling at Shinji for putting me through that shit, I stalk off to my room to simmer alone. The awkward exchange with Jaegerjaques left a strange taste in my mouth, and no matter what I do or think, I can't seem to get rid of it. The cold sandwich I have for dinner seems to be stuck somewhere between my throat and stomach, making me feel bloated and nauseous.
In the end, I decide to take a walk outside, so I take the elevator down to the lobby and step out into the tiny little garden area behind the lobby, hoping that the chilly night air would make me feel better.
I follow the narrow pebbled trail, not really watching where it'll lead me. Then, just as I start to feel better from the slight breeze that feels soothing against my face and neck, I'm greeted by a most surprising sight.
Jaegerjaques is sitting on a stone bench under a tree at the end of the trail, nose buried in a binder that I recognize as his copy of the movie script. He keeps a lot of his own notes there - scribblings of what he thinks can be improved, what he's going to do at a certain scene, and so on. His hair is a mess, the bandage gone. The way he's sitting stiffly suggests that his back is still bothering him. Knowing his need to reaffirm his manliness in every way possible, the idiot has probably skipped the pain killers.
I lighten my steps and try to sneak away undetected, but my plan is foiled when he lifts his head and catches me. His eyebrows disappear beneath his bangs. I groan inwardly. I can't leave now, can I? I don't want to look like I'm running away with my tail tucked between my legs. So, having no other option, I sigh and stroll slowly towards him.
He blinks at me when I arrive in front of him, as though he's still unsure who I am. For a long, tense moment, that's all we do - blinking and fidgeting, at a loss for words - until he finally clears his throat.
"What are you doing out here?" he asks, letting the binder drop onto his lap.
Telling him that I have indigestion seems kind of gross, so I simply shrug. "Can't sleep," I mumble vaguely. "What are you doing out here?"
Jaegerjaques shrugs, then immediately winces. "Fuck," he mutters under his breath. He turns away from me and lets out a low groan.
Without thinking, I stride over and swoop down next to him. It's only when he flinches that I realize that I have my hands on his shoulders, holding him as one would when someone accidentally takes a stumble. I let go at once, my cheeks growing hot suddenly.
"Sorry," I blurt out, backing off quickly.
My heart rate picks up when he pins me with his eyes, the irises a dark navy in the dim light.
What the fuck's wrong with Kurosaki? He's been acting weird since the morning and it's starting to piss me off. Thanks to the tip-off from Urahara, I can kind of tell that Kurosaki is worried - worried and relieved to see me back here. Yet, he's acting all cool and aloof like he doesn't care. I hate to admit it, but it actually hurts to see him like that. I want to believe Urahara so badly - that the kid actually does give a damn. It's pathetic how low I've stooped, but this is one of those things that I can't control.
And then he fucking touches me, his hands firm and steady and warm around my aching body. Before I can even wrap my head around that, he's gone, recoiling away from me with a look of horror that makes me feel like I'm a monster. Come on, I know I'm an asshole and all, but am I really that bad? I've never had anybody reject me like that - over and over again, rubbing salt in my already wounded pride - much less anybody that I actually want. Someone that I genuinely like for a change.
"What the hell is your problem?" I snap angrily.
Kurosaki grimaces. "Sorry," he repeats as though that explains everything. It just makes me angrier.
"Look," I grit out, fighting down the feeling of humiliation that's bubbling in my chest. "If you hate me that much, just stay the fuck away."
The resulting look of shock on his face should be satisfying, but it's not. A myriad of different emotions fleet across his boyish features, none of which I understand.
"I don't," he says, frowning a little. He hesitates for a few heartbeats before adding, "I don't hate you."
I bark out a laugh. "Don't give me that bullshit."
Kurosak bristles visibly. He shoves his hands deeper into his jacket pockets and stares pointedly at his shoes. He doesn't say anything for a while, as though he can't think of a way to refute my accusation. Then, he mutters, "It's not hate. You're just...really..."
I stare at him questioningly until he finally looks up. "I'm really...?" I prod, curious.
His lips curl into a half-snarl, half-pout. "You're...insufferable!" he explodes. "I've never met anybody so...so...annoying and so fucking cocky in my life! It's like you expect the world to bow down to you and lick your fucking shoes!"
He pauses and takes a few long, deep breaths as I gape at him, stunned.
"Don't you see? Not everybody worships you like your fans do, and you can't expect me not to retaliate when you mess with me like that," he rambles on, his voice rising. "I just don't get it, what makes me so different? Why can't you treat me the way you treat Madarame? Or Ayasegawa? What have I done to deserve all that shit, huh?"
What has he done? My mind flies back to the day I first set eyes on him - to the noises and the scene that I had secretly witnessed. It had all started from that fateful moment. I'm so tempted to tell him that, but I'm too proud to say anything.
I'm too proud to admit that I'd arrogantly taken that to mean that he wants me. And then when he acted like he doesn't give a shit about who I am, I had refused to believe it. I'm too proud to admit that it's the very fact that he doesn't want my attention that draws me to him. Everything that I did...it was simply because I wanted his attention, I realize that now. Everybody else already knew. I'm the only idiot who thought I was the one in control, when in fact I was lost in my own delusion. Every time I push the boundaries with Kurosaki, every time I taunt him, fuel that fire within him, has only made me sink deeper and deeper.
And even now, I'm still holding onto the hope that he might actually feel a little something for me, all because of the words from a man notorious for his weird antics and manipulative charm. I find myself staring at the angry young man before me and willing for it to be true. It occurs to me briefly that many have probably done the same over me, and I wince. I've never been kind to my admirers, and now it looks like fate wants me to get a taste of my own medicine.
To be continued...