CW: Smutty chapter

It's been one week and two days since I've spoken with Shibi. It's almost been a week since I've bothered going outside at all. I don't know what I expected, but I know I didn't expect it to hurt like this.

We can still be friends, like always. I haven't lost his presence in my life. I should be happy to be able to support him.

He's sent me a few text messages, but I haven't responded. He's called me a few times, but I didn't feel like I could answer him. He even showed up at my house after the fourth day of me avoiding him, to return my clothes I would assume, but I didn't answer the door. I sent him a single text message, "Go see the Kamizuru.", which he read on my doorstep as I watched from my window. After a few minutes he left. He took the clothes with him.

I shouldn't have told him how I felt. Why did I bother? I knew all the obstacles beforehand, and clearly he did too. If he managed to control himself and not say anything, why couldn't I? I'm so selfish. Sending him to the Kamizuru clan is the only way to make sure that I don't ruin anything else. But where is he now? I wish I could sleep…

After three hours of laying in bed and thinking in similar self-pitying circles, I gave up. I decided to pour myself a drink. And then a second one. And then a third. And then, lo and behold, I was able to sleep.

Hallelujah.

I passed out in the late afternoon on my couch. I woke up hours later to a banging on my door. Everything was dark. My head hurt a bit, but it wasn't as bad as I was expecting.

I must have been out for a couple hours, at least. What is that banging?

I should have looked through the window to check first, but instead I groggily carried myself to the door and threw it open.

"Irie! I missed you!"

It was Shibi, of course. And he neither looked nor sounded sober. He thrust a bag towards me, it looks like it contains my clothes, and then marched himself directly into my home. He shouldn't be here, but I am so relieved to see him.

"You've been avoiding me."

"I thought it would be best if we took some time to cool down."

I closed the door behind him, bemused and apprehensive.

"You left. And stopped answering me. And told me to go see the Kamizuru clan."

He made a face, like the name was distasteful to him.

"You've clearly been drinking. Are you okay? Do you need some water?"

He decided to answer neither of my questions, and instead gave me a long, slurred response.

"I tried to go see them. It was awful, I don't like any of them. They set me up with someone. Some…here."

He pulled out his phone and showed me a picture of someone. She was lovely, and she was clearly very distinguished. She looks strong.

"I don't like her at all, poisonous thing." He spit the words out like venom.

"I missed you. And then I tried to go on a date with her, because it's responsible, but I just don't like her. So I left. And now I'm here."

"You left directly from a date? That's so rude! Shibi, how could you?"

I tried to sound reproachful, but the idea made me laugh. He reminded me of the wasps I've seen getting drunk off of fermented apples. I think he once said they were called 'Polistes chinensis'.

"I missed you. And she kept getting me to drink. You know I don't normally do that."

"That's true. Let me get you some water."

I led him to the couch I had just been sleeping on, set him down, turned on a lamp, and then went to the kitchen. I filled a tall glass with water and walked back. And he was gone.

"Shibi?"

"I'm looking for the bathroom."

"Down the hall and on the left."

I heard the door close, the toilet flush, the water run, and then the door again. He did not come back.

"I have your water."

No answer. I decided to walk back to see where he was. It looks like after exiting the bathroom he walked to the room across from it, my bedroom, and laid down on my side of the bed.

"I was tired."

I sighed, bemused, and walked over to him.

"Please drink this water. You clearly need it."

He drank it, set the glass down on my bedside table, and then pulled me down onto him.

"Shibi!"

"Lay with me."

"I'm not sure that's a good idea…you know how it turned out last time we were close…"

"I'm sure it's a terrible idea. Come here."

He succeeded in pulling me down beside him. I rolled over onto the side of the bed that belonged to…the side that I never sleep on…and faced him. I kissed him, wrapping my arms around him and entwining our legs. I felt his body answer mine just as needily. His lips molded against mine, his hands worked to move over every inch of my skin he had access to. It felt like he was trying to memorize the shape of me, drinking in every little detail in case I vanished again. I did the same. My hand brushed between his legs and I felt him moan into my mouth.

"Irie, I want you."

I answered him with my own desperate moan. I felt his tongue push into my mouth. I can't get enough of the way his mouth tastes. I massaged him through the fabric of his pants, feeling him get harder and start to rub against me desperately. He reached down to undo the clasp at his hem and started removing clothing.

It really was just getting in the way. In fact…

While he worked, I took my own clothes off and laid back down. As soon as he was finished struggling out of his clothes, he returned to kissing me, rolling gently on top of me to straddle my lap. I wet my fingers with my mouth and reached down between us to stroke him, feeling him twitch readily in response. He was literally dripping with…anticipation. I looked at him, breaking the kiss and pausing my motions to make sure he was paying attention.

"I want you too."

I spread my legs wider under him and positioned him near my entrance.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

I felt his whole body stiffen, his eyes closed, then he took a deep shuddering breath and looked back down at me.

"It's a bad idea…"

"I still need you."

I lifted up against him and pushed his hips down towards me, causing his tip to just barely enter me. He did the rest.

"Fuck Irie, you're so small…"

He slowly pushed into me, letting me feel every single inch completely. When he was almost completely in I had to put my hands against his hips, holding him in place.

"Just give me a second."

He kissed me slowly, shuddering with the effort of staying still and letting me adjust. He propped himself up with one hand. He ran the other hand over my chest, over my stomach, down my leg as far as he could reach. He moved his hand back up and wet his fingers with his mouth, then started gently rubbing my clit. His touch was like electricity. I squirmed under his experienced fingers, which pushed the rest of him into me. I gasped. He took my hand and led it to where his own just was.

"Try this."

He moved my hand in the same motions he had just been making, then released me. I copied what he was doing, and it felt almost as good as when he did it a moment ago. He used his own hands to prop up my legs and push in and out of me, slowly and carefully.

"Shibi, I can take more. Please?"

"Ask me to fuck you, Irie. I need to hear it."

There's no way I can say something like that to him.

I turned my face away from him, too embarrassed to speak. I caught sight of the sweatshirt that lives on my bed. He followed my gaze, noticed it, and pushed it off the bed. He knows whose shirt that is, he helped me decide whether or not to keep it before. He paused, sounding uncertain and a bit ashamed.

"Irie, that's why I need to hear it."

Oh.

"Please, Shibi. I want you. Please fuck me."

He readjusted, then leaned down to kiss me. Then he leaned back up and started pushing slowly into me again. I whined for more. He started pushing harder, and faster. His hands were gripping into my legs until it hurt. He folded me into myself in a way I didn't think I was still flexible enough for, bending back down every few seconds to kiss me or nibble along my neck. I let out another moan when I felt his teeth on my skin.

"Is that something you have a taste for, Irie?"

"Yes…"

He smiled, looking devilish. He kept moving inside me and seemed to be getting close. I could barely keep my hand moving with any kind of rhythm anymore, I was almost unable to take anymore. His face twisted up, his breath got even more labored, and his movements became more erratic. I could feel myself winding tighter and tighter inside. I pulled his head down to kiss me. He did, then dragged his mouth down to my collar bones, biting and holding me between his possessive teeth while we both came explosively.

"Fuck Shibi, where have you been hiding that?"

He chuckled and stood up.

"I'm going to refill that water cup."

"Thank you."

I went to use the restroom, and when I got back he was laying in my bed. The cup of water was on the bedside table.

"Drink, please. You need it too."

I did so without answering, then fell into bed exhausted. He laid on his back, pulling me onto his chest.

"How are you feeling, Irie?"

"Tired, very tired."

"That makes sense."

I almost fell asleep before I heard him again.

"Are you…was what we did okay with you? Really?"

It's sweet that he wants to make sure I'm okay. Or, does he just need reassurance?

"I like you. I would do it again if I had the energy. Please sleep here with me tonight."

I felt him relax under me.

So now he needs an invitation?

"Good night."

"Sweet dreams Irie."