Luan Loud had bad teeth.
That was a fact well-known to anyone with eyes and the ability to make simple observations. She had a massive overbite that some said made her look like Butthead from Beavis and Butthead, and because of it, she had a ghost of a lisp. Her front teeth were so big that you could land an airplane on them. They were so huge, so massive, that each one constituted their own zip code. Her other teeth weren't doing so great either. Weak teeth ran in her family. Don't tell anyuone, but Mom's teeth weren't real, and Dad had a dental bridge installed when he was still in his twenties. Her siblings were all prone to cavities and Lori had already had extensive dental work. Leni had constant toothaches, and sometimes Luna complained about her jaw hurting.
In other words, the Louds all had tooth problems. Luan's was the most visible because of the overbite, but she had fillings and metal caps all over the place. She had braces put in for the first time when she was eleven, but she fell off her unicycle and knocked a bunch of her teeth loose, so they had to remove them and perform surgery. She had to eat soft foods for months and still couldn't have anything too crunchy to this day. Last year, the dentist put the braces back on and for the next two to three years, they would be her constant companion. Keeping them clean, and using her retainer, was a real pain in the tukas and she was already looking forward to having them taken off.
Not only were Luan's braces a hassle, they were also a constant source of embarrassment. Personally, having them didn't bother Luan one bit. Lots of people have to get braces. It's one of the most normal things ever. Other people were the ones with the problem, and their problems made her really self-concious. You know, there's something to be said about not knowing you should be ashamed of something until someone tells you that you should be. It's like how children are kind and innocent and good until the world teaches them to not be. Children don't feel hate or animosity, they're sweet and loving. It's adults who pass on their petty hatred and bigotry. Shame and embarrassment was passed onto Luan over her braces. First, she got it from her siblings. Lucy said her face looked like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Luna made really crude and horrible jokes about Luan going down on her boyfriend and getting his pubic hair stuck in her braces.
Next, she got it at school. Other kids called her everything from "braceface" to "metal mouth" and a thousand other mean things in between. She had never been self-conscious or anything, but after getting so much flak from everyone, she kind of was.
Why do people have to be that way? Why do they constantly have to bring each other down? Why do they have to make bad times so much worse? She didn't know why people took such pleasure in hurting each other, but she was young and supposed she would figure it out one day. Or maybe she wouldn't . She was beginning to think that not even adults had all of the answers. Were they just as lost and confused as she was? Did they fumble through the dark like they were blind the way their children did? That was a scary thought. She used to think that adults knew everything, but if they really did know everything, the world would be a better place, wouldn't it? There wouldn't be so many chronic problems with really basic solutions.
Those were heavy thoughts and she tried not to think about them. Instead, she preferred jokes and comedy. Comedy was a great escape from the pain and rigors of the real world. She had always been attracted to the lighter side, had always admired the mimes and clowns of the world, but it was only after she got her braces that she got really deep into comedy. Everyone has that one special thing that takes them away from life for a little while. For Lincoln, it was comic books. For Lucy, it was regular books. For Luna, it was rock and roll. For Luan, it was humor. Humor made her happy, and the more jokes she cracked and puns she made, the more unhappy she was. At least in the beginning. When she got her braces, her hormones were just beginning to kick in and she was really emotional. She had since balanced out and had come to terms with herself, now her love of comedy was genuine, It made her happy to bring a smile to people's faces.
It also made her happy to annoy everyone. She knew that her siblings hated her stupid puns, and their reactions were hilarious. She loved coming up with new and cheesy puns, the dumber the better.
One rainy Monday morning in early November, Luan woke to the sound of the alarm. She slapped the off button, stretched, and let out a big yawn. She threw the blanket off, swung her legs over the edge of the bed, and sat up. She reached behind her back, scratched between her shoulder blades, and tapped the floor with her foot like a dog. Ahhh, that's the stuff. She got to her feet, turned around, and climbed onto the edge of the frame. She grabbed the wooden railing of Luna's bunk and lifted her head over the rim. Luna was flat on her back with one arm thrown out and the other folded on her chest. Her headphones were askew and her mouth was wide open, snores drifting forth. Luan watched her for a moment, then said her name.
Luna showed no signs of having heard.
"Luna?"
Still nothing.
Reaching over the rail, Luan shook Luna, and Luna snorted. Her eyelids fluttered open and she pointed one bleary red eye at Luan. "What?" Luna asked thickly.
"It's time to get up."
Luna groaned.
If there was one thing Luna hated, it was getting up early and going to school. Luna, you see, was a rebel. She was too cool for school, as the boomers used to say. She only cared about three things in life: Smoking pot, seeing her girlfriend Sam, and playing music. She was convinced that she would become the next Janis Joplin…all she had to do was post on YouTube. Maybe she'd get a bunch of followers at some point, but the way it was looking right now, she needed all the school she could get. Her last video got 88 views. You know that Matthew McConehey meme about rookie numbers? Yeah, that was Luna. You gotta pump those numbers up, Lune. Those are rookie numbers.
"Come on," Luan urged, "the science fair is coming up. That's kind of cool.":
Luna groaned again.
In Luna's defense, Luan didn't really get excited about the science fair either, but in the week leading up to it, you got ample time to work on your project in class, meaning no tests, pop quizzes, or taking notes. It was the closest you could come to having a vacation and still be in school…except for the last couple days of the year. Why do they make you go to school on those days anyway? All you did was drink Mountain Dew and watch movies. There's really no reason they couldn't just cut those days out entirely.
Probably something to do with red tape and government regulations. Like Pop-Pop said, the government made all the sense of a screen door on a submarine. Pop-Pop was a proud anxi-vaxxer who drove up to Ottawa to support the trucker convoy last year. He said Traudu was a Nazi and that Joe Biden would be the antichrist…if he wasn't such a fuck up. "He'd wind up turning everyone to God and the Devil wouldn't get a single soul."
LOL. Luan wasn't political but she liked insult humor and loved punching up. Celebrities and politicians liked to think they were above it all, but they were the ones running this clown show called the world, so they deserved to catch that fade just like anyone else, maybe even more so.
"Science is gay," Luna said and covered her head with the blanket. "And I should know. I'm a baby dyke."
Luan rolled her eyes. "No you're not," she said patiently. :You're bi."
"Barely Into," she said, "guys, that is."
"You were jilling off to Hugh like the rest of us," Luan pointed out.
"Yeah. One dude."
"What about that time you got drunk with Chunk and -"
Luna poked her head out from under the blanket. "We don't speak of that. I mean, there's a reason he doesn't work for me anymore."
"Yeah, cuz his dick was so good it almost turned you straight and you couldn't stand the thought of not having that special LGBTQLMNOP status."
"Fuck you, Bucky Beaver."
Luan blew her a kiss. "You're awake now."
"Yeah, and hating it."
Luan jumped down. "Oh well."
In the hall, she slid in behind Lisa and waited for her turn in the bathroom. Lincoln shuffled out of his room a few minutes later and stumbled over like a zombie on the prowl. He was naked except for his red, so-called victory undies, which were starting to get small on him. Lola bought them for him last spring and he'd grown a lot since then, but the Loud family was so tight-fisted with money that you had to wear your clothes until they cut off your blood circulation or risk going without.
They were so tight, in fact, that she saw more of Lincoln than she ever wanted to. She crinkled her nose and looked away. "Put some clothes on," she said. "No one wants to see you walking around in your panties."
A deep blush spread across Lincoln's face. "Men's underwear isn't called panties, Luan," Lisa pointed out. Her tone was heavy and high-handed, with more than a hint of smugness. "They are called briefs."
Luan sighed. Lisa was a certified genius, but she also had a colossal ego and could still only comprehend things like emotion, sarcasm, and the unwritten rules of life on a very low and immature level. She literally thought Luan was being serious and thought that men's undies were called panties. That's the problem with someone being a super genius at the age of four. Their minds worked at an adult level academically, but they were still emotionally and socially infantile. They knew all sorts of stuff, but there are a lot of things that you can't learn from books, little nuances that you pick up through time and experience.
"I know that, Lise," Luan said with a long suffering sigh. "I was picking on him."
"You're such a bully," Lana said from the front of the line. "You always have something mean to say about someone."
A laugh was shocked from Luan's throat. "Me?" she asked and touched her open palm to her chest. "You call Lola "glitter whore" and "Queen Gap-Tooth.' Even though you have a gap wide enough to drive a Mac truck through."
"Okay, Husquvana," Lana said.
Heat crept across Luan's cheeks and her teeth clenched. Her hand closed into an angry fist, and if there weren't three people between her and Lana, she would have thrown a punch. She started to snap at the little grease monkey but forced herself not to. She couldn't let any of them - especially Lana - know how much that nickname bothered her. Husqvarna was a brand of power tools famous for their chainsaws. Get it? Since she had a mouth like a chainsaw? Lana was the one who came up with it, and Luan was doubly offended because not only was it mean…it was actually clever and made her want to laugh the first few times she heard it. It was easy to let an insult roll off your back, but when it's good, it stings hella hard.
The bathroom door popped open and Lynn came out in a puff of steam, a towel draped over her shoulders and covering her breasts. Another was wrapped around her waist and Luan was sure that she wore nothing underneath. "Ah, nothing like a good shower after an epic job," she announced.
Every morning, Lynn woke at 5:30 for a jog around the neighborhood. When she got home, she did a workout routine that consisted of push ups, sit ups, jumping jacks, and shadow boxing. She was a sports and fitness fanatic who took obscene pride in being "in top physical shape." She was so proud of her body that she had lately taken to showing it off. She wore bicycle shorts and little tank tops that bared her six pack, and would walk around naked if Mom and Dad would let her - not to be a pervert, but to rub her physique in everyone's faces.
The joke was on her, though, literally no one cared how buff or toned she was. Sports and being in shape were her things, no one else's. Lisa liked science, Lucy liked Richard Laymon and Lucio Fulci, and Luan liked stand-up specials. Nobody in the house gave two poops about being fit and that made Lynn's constant chest pounding all the more annoying. Maybe if she had something everyone envied - like a lot of money - it would make a little sense, but listening to someone who went on and on about something so dumb was just maddening.
Losing her patience, Lana shoved Lynn out of the way and went into the bathroom. Lynn shot her a dirty look but didn't do anything. She walked past Luan, struck a pose, and flexed her arms. "I bet you wish you were buff like me."
In a flash, Lisa grabbed the towel around Lynn's waist and yanked. It came off and Luan caught a flash of Lynn's, uh, privates before Lynn covered herself, a look of horror running across her face. Everyone laughed uproariously and Lynn's cheeks blazed with crimson color. She pressed her knees together and pressed her hands tp her hairless sex, mortifaciation clear in her eyes. "She hasn't even grown hair yet!" Lori called.
"Even I have a strand or two," Lola said haughtily.
"Wow, she's really underdeveloped," Lana said.
"My professional opinion is that you are correct," Lisa said. "Lynn's body is grossly underdeveloped. As you can see from her obvious embarrassment, she is clearly insecure. Which would explain why she spends so much time working out."
"FUCK YOU!" Lynn screamed in general. She stormed off, covering her front with one hand and her back with the other.
Luan turned to crack a parting joke about there being a full moon in the Loud house, but stopped when she noticed Lincoln. He was staring after Lynn with his mouth wide open and his face blushing furiously. Luan raised her eyebrow. "Like what you see?" she asked.
Jumping, Lincoln spun around but didn't meet her eyes. Ew, God, he did like it, didn't he? What a freak! What a pervert! What a…what a hillbilly.
Then again, to be fair, he was still a kid and had probably never seen a naked woman before. She guessed it could just be that he like the idea of a nude girl and not specifically Lynn. Like…a butt's a butt, right?
She was trying to be nice and not jump to conclusions. She went hard on her siblings, just as they went hard on her, but out of them all, Lincoln was the coolest one. He didn't pick on her too much and never made her feel insecure about herself. She'd let him slide on this; even if he was some kind of incest pervert, he was alright by her.
Anyway, the line moved up one and Lola went into the bathroom. Luan crossed her arms and threw her head back. Come on, I gotta go.
At long last, Luna shambled out of their room looking half dead and stood behind Lincoln, her head down and her shoulders slumped. "How nice of you to join us, Luna," Luan said.
Luna held up a half-hearted middle finger,
Finally, Luan's turn in the bathroom came. She peed, brushed her teeth, washed her face, and gargled with mouthwash. Her gums ached and the toothpaste was tinged with red when she spat into the sink. Ugh, did she have gingivitis again? She used to have it but her dentist made her brush her teeth three times a day and use a special rinse until it went away. It couldn't be, though; she brushed every single day, usually twice a day.
Did she brush yesterday?
Hm, she couldn't remember. She was sure she did in the morning but she may have slacked in the evening.
Back in her room, she changed out of her nightgown and into a skirt and blouse. She opened her nightstand, plucked out a pink flower from a field of pink flowers, and pinned it to her chest. She straightened it and smiled. "Perfect," she said.
After putting on her socks and shoes and filling her backpack with books, homework, and pencils for those all important pop quizzes, she went downstairs. Everyone was gathered at the dining room table and eating frozen waffles, the antics upstairs completely forgotten. Luan grabbed a plate, threw some waffles on, and smothered them in maple syrup. She sat next to Lucy and dug in.
Luan loved waffles. She liked them homemade, but waffles were one food that tasted pretty much the same whether they were fresh or frozen.
While she ate, everyone ranked on each other, a classic Loud kid pastime that began even before Luan was born. Her older sisters could be vicious with their words, which is why Luan herself was so quick-witted. Around here, you learn…or you get trampled on. Luan stayed out of it and everyone left her alone for the most part. Done with her food, she took her plate into the kitchen, rinsed the syrup off, and sat it in the sink. She considered waiting for the others because she didn't want to walk to school alone, but they were taking too long, so she hoofed it over to her old pal Maggie's house. She met Maggie six months ago when she and Lincoln played Maggie's birthday party. The moment Luan saw the emo girl's face, she knew that she would be a tough nut to crack…and Luan loved a challenge. They became fast friends ahd spent as much time together as they could.
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Just as Luan reached Maggie's house, the front door opened and Maggie came out with her hands in her pockets. She came down the walk and turned left, in the direction of school, not seeing Luan. Luan ran after. "Hey, Mags," she said.
Maggie cringed and spun around, her face hard. "Oh, my God, really? You're still bothering me? You were at my birthday party for, like, ten seconds. Seriously, leave me alone and forget about me."
"No can do, Mags," Luan said and nudged her friend's arm. "You're stuck with me."
This is how they played. Maggie's sense of humor was…uhh…kind of different.
Maggie cocked her fist. "Bitch, I mean it. Go away."
"Sorry, Mags, but -"
A breathless oof burst from Luan's lungs when Maggie punched her shoulder. She fell back a step and rubbed the spot Maggie had hit; it was tender and already starting to swell. "Call me Mags one more time and I swear to God, I'll send you back to your dentist with your teeth in a sandwich bag."
She stormed off, and Luan waved after her. "I'll catch up with you later, then."
Maggie flipped her off.
Moody, moody, but what can you really expect from an emo? That's all they were about, emotions..and always the darker ones too, you ever notice that? None of them stew in humor or happiness, it's always darkness and depression.
Like with Lucy. Oy vey, Lucy was a case and a half. All things considered, she had a good life, and what did she do? Piss and moan. Their parents weren't rich by any stretch of the imagination, but the mortgage got paid, the lights never went out, and there was always food on the table (though, to be fair, Dad really stretched the definition of "food" with his crappy cooking). There was really nothing to be all doom and gloom about. C'mon, Luce, you're eight, what are you so depressed about? Did you spill your juice box? What, your favorite cartoon got prempted by the Kids' Choice Awards? Get your head out of your butt and stop being such a killjoy, sheesh.
By now, Luan was walking up the big stone steps leading to the main doors of Royal Pines Middle. Kids clustered in the commons, wearing jackets and scarfs and talking. A couple boys horsed around and a group of girls in cheer outfits cackled snotty laughter. The cheer squad here was a frickin' spoiled rich girl clique and they were all just as nasty and stuck up as any gang of villains in any 90's teen movie. Their leader was a girl named Britney. She was blonde, pretty, and had a rich daddy who doted on her. If you asked Luan, she was daddy's little princess in bed just as well as out of it.
That reminded her of Lincoln checking Lynn out earlier. LOL now that she had put some miles between herself and the incident, it seemed acceptable to joke about. Maybe she'd tease him when she got home.
At her locker, she started to put in her combination, but her phone buzzed against her thigh, sending a thrill up her leg like her name was Chris Matthews. She dug in her skirt pocket, took it out, and swiped her thumb across the screen to find a text from Mom. Don't forget you have a dentist appointment today at 2pm.
Whoops, too late, she totally had forgotten. Every month (sometimes twice a month), Luan went in for a check-up with the dentist in addition to seeing the orthodontist about her braces. Luan neither liked nor disliked these appointments; they were just a thing. When they happened in the middle of the day and she had to leave school early, she usually didn't come back afterward, so that was nice. School let out at 2:45 and if Mom was picking her up, she'd probably leave at 1:45. That was an hour. Hey, she wasn't sneezing at leaving an hour early, but she would rather leave at noon.
Or not even come in at all.
She didn't hate school but who doesn't want a day off from time to time?
Hitting Mom back with k, she shoved her phone into her pocket, grabbed her books from her locker, and made her way to class just as the bell rang. She saw Maggie in the hall and waved at her; Maggie saw her, spun around, and walked away.
Apparently she was still in a bad mood.
Maybe she was on the rag.
In the classroom, Luan sat at her normal seat in the back of the room and waited for everyone else to trickle in. The teacher wrote a few equations on the board and Luan searched for an opportunity to crack a joke. A thousand occurred to her, but the teacher must have recognized the look on her face, because she shot Luan a dirty look. "Don't say a word," she said through her teeth.
Everyone looks back at her, all smiles and adolescent giggles. Luan mimed zipping her lips and throwing away the key.
As soon as the teacher turned her back, Luan pressed the heels of her palms to her mouth in a V and blew. A loud, wet sounding pfft rang out and everyone laughed. The teacher spun around, eyes blazing, and pointed at the door. "Get out!"
"I can't help it," Luan said. "I had beans for breakfast."
"GET OUT!"
Luan gathered her books and walked away with her head held high, pushed along by a warm tide of laughter.
She loved being a comedian.
Lincoln Loud hated being a pervert.
It started about six months ago, around the time he noticed the first strands of snowy white hair appearing on his balls. Up to that point, he was a normal kid who thought girls were infested with cooties and whose thoughts consisted of eating, sleeping, and comic books. Okay, maybe he was past the cooties phase, and maybe sometimes he saw hot women on TV and started to feel a warm tingle in his special place, but otherwise, he was average. Then, puberty began to set in and things went off the rails. His voice deepened slightly, his armpits started to stink if he didn't slather them with Old Spice, and his weiner grew three inches over the course of a summer. Now it looked like that naked mole rat thing that cuck from Kim Possible. If he thrusted his hips hard enough, it would flip and flop, which provided countless hours of amusement.
Shortly after that, he started popping hard-ons at the slightest provocation and having dirty dreams at least twice a week. Thoughts of girls and their bodies took over his mind, and he went from thinking about video games and Ace Savvy to thinking about all the things he wanted to do to hapless girls. At school, he masturbated in the boys room at least once a day, and one time he stole a pair of Girl Jordan's shorts from her gym bag during lunch. He took one whiff of the crotch and his dick swelled like a hotdog in the microwave. He ran off to the bathroom and jacked off into them. He left them on the floor by the toilet, full of his cum, and waited to see what would happen. Word got back to Jordan and she was shook like San Fran. "What fucking creep would do such a thing?" she asked with a shudder of revulsion.
Lincoln deflated.
Creep?
Okay. look, what he did was a little extra, but creep was a pretty strong word.
"If I ever find out what pervert did that, I'll knock him smooth out."
He wanted so badly to defend himself, but he didn't dare; if she knew that he did it, she'd beat him up and then tell everyone else that he was some kind of weirdo. He couldn't have that, so he kept quiet and agreed with her.
Lincoln's perversion only grew from there. At home, he dug through the dirty clothes hamper in the basement in search of fresh panties off the press. He felt guilt and shame for sprinting away with his sisters' underwear and sniffing them, least of all because only pervs sniff panties, most of all because they were his sisters. He justified himself with a line that was very similar to the one Luan came up with. It's not that he was into his sisters specifically, he just liked girls and vagina. He didn't see his sisters, he just saw girls. That was all.
That was Lincoln's mindset at firszt, but over time, he came to enjoy the taboo thrill of incest. He jacked off into Lola's underwear, spied on Lucy in the shower, and conned Leni into letting him pat her butt. He was getting worse and worse and he didn't care; he was already a drooling, scheming, would be rapist, why stop now?
Sometimes, he would lay in bed for hours on end dreaming up elaborate fantasies about molesting his sisters. He wasn't into sadism and forcing himself (much), so they usually started off with the sister in question being resistant but quickly giving in. One of his favorite fantasies involved him anally destroying Lucy. In said fantasy, she wore a skirt, a slutty little blouse, and her hair in pigtails. She took his cock like a champ and let him cum all over her pert little tits. In real life, her body was blah and kind of shapeless, but in his fantasies, she had boobs and hips.
He got so worked up by these thoughts that the other night, he sneaked into her room while she was asleep, compelled by his dark passion. He told himself that he was only going to stand over her and watch her sleep, but in the back of his mind, he knew that he was going to touch her. She was curled up on her side, the blanket pulled to her shoulders. In order to feel her, he would have to move the blanket, oe kneel next to the bed and snake his hand up beneath it. He tried the latter, but she stirred and muttered, and he lost his nerve. On his way out the door, he stole a sock from her drawer and took it to bed. He sniffed it for an hour, then slipped it over his dick and tossed off until he filled it with his seed.
He really wished it was Lucy's pussy.
With no outlet for his increased secuality, Lincoln looked up a ridiculous amount of porn online. He really liked the homemade stuff on Porn Hub, especially incest related vids. He had a half-hearted plan to show Lana one of his favorite videos, talk up how nasty and gross sex was (bodidly fluids, weird smells, taboo), and ask her if she wanted to try it out. In his fevered mind, he thought there was a good chance she would say yes, but what if she didn't? What if she did, and later on, told someone what happened? He'd get in major trouble,
Again, he chickened out. It would be better to just stay back and let it go. Maybe he could get a girl from school to do all the things he secretly yearned for his sisters to do.
But the more he dwelled on the idea of incest, the more he wanted one of his sisters specogfocally, the more he began to fetishize them as individuals, and not just females. One day, he skipped school and spent all day going back and forth between their rooms, sniffing their socks and panties and getting off over the fact that each garment belonged to one of his forbidden pleasures - Lori, Leni, Lola, even Lisa. The dark urge inside of him grew by leaps and bounds every day, and he was starting to think he was losing control. If he didn't get himself in check, he would go crazy and do something he would wind up regretting.
His plan was to forget how badly he wanted to fuck his sisters. That meant no thinking about them, no touching their undies, and, most importantly of all, not looking at their taut young bodies. He would avert his eyes like a preacher in a cathouse and treat them like they were…well…his sisters.
It was hard at first to be surrounded by so much pretty pussy and not respond to it, but over time, he trained himself to take it all in stride.
Then something happened.
Lisa yanked Lynn's towel down and Lincoln got a good look at her fit body before she could voer it. Lynn's nakedness was exposed for no more than three seconds, maybe four, but that was enough for the imprint of Lynn's slit to be burned into his brain. Her lips were soft, pink, and fleshy, like the pulp of a ripe tropical fruit, and her middle was a dark wonderland of earthly delights from which Lincoln longed to drink. He would let his cup runneth over…then press his lips to her folds and drink straight from the source. He would plunge his fingers deep into her waiting womb and explore every wet inch of her. She would throw her head back and pant his name, her fingers clawing the blanket and her heels digging into the bed. He would dominated her, then let her dominate him.
Oooh, how about this? They'd start off small. He'd put his finger in her butt while she masturbated (in Lincoln's fantasies, all girls were down for butt stuff), and in turn, she'd slip one of her socks over his thumping cock like an executioner's hood and jack him off. Then they'd move onto tasting each other. She would suck his length and he would squirm his tongue in her hot insides. She'd lift her butt into the air and he'd lap and lick it until she came undone and went to pieces. He'd -
Luan interrupted him and he tried to hide the obvious lust in his eyes. He was sure that she had seen it, but she didn't say anything, for which he was endlessly grateful: The thought of his secret being exposed and laid bare for all to see struck dread into his heart.
After briefly seeing Lynn naked, Lincoln was sprung like a metal spring, and when his turn in the bathroom came at last, he jumped in the shower and pulled his pud so hard that he almost ripped it off. By the time he was done, his dick was sore and chaffed and his butthole hurt for some strange reason, despite the fact that he hadn't even touched it.
This time.
Done, he jumped out, toweled off, and scurried back to his room, where he dressed in a pair of jeans and an orange polo shirt. He pulled on his socks and shoes, crammed a ball of papers that may have included his homework into his backpack, and slung it over his shoulder. Downstairs, everyone was chowing down on breakfast and making dumb jokes at each other's expense. Lincoln found an empty box of Leggo waffles waiting for him and sighed. His sisters were all little sex kittens, but they ate like 400 pound truckers. They were always leaving him without food.
He took a pack of Ramen noodles from the pantry because they were the only food left - it was the end of the month and Mom and Dad didn't get paid until tomorrow. He didn't have time to cook them so he ate them raw, leaving a trail of dried noodles behind him like breadcrumbs, Done, he left the house and walked to school, meeting up with Clyde on the way. "Hey, buddy, didja hear they canceled that show with all the Mexicans?"
Which show is that?" Lincoln asked.
"The one on Nick. You know, the one literally no one gave two shits about."
"Ah,." Lincoln said, "I forgot that piece of shit even existed."
"It's like my gay son. I only remember it exists when someone makes a joke about it."
They both laughed. "Your dads are gay," Lincoln pointed out.
"I know, that's why I can make those jokes. Just like I can say nigga because I'm black."
His logic checked out, Lincoln thought.
At school, Lincoln sat at his desk in first period and squirmed at the memory of Lynn's sweet thang. He wanted to sniff it so bad and see if it smelled wild and sweaty like her underwear. He popped a major erection and thought about baseball in hopes of making it go down, but that only led to thoughts of him fucking Lynn from behind on a baseball diamond while miollions of people watched and that dude from the Meatloaf song provided commentary. OK, here we go, we got a real pressure cooker going here, Two down, nobody on, no score, bottom of the ninth,
In second period, he had to go to the bathroom and whack off to relieve the pressure; he left his wad all over the toilet seat for the next guy to find. He didn't do it on purpose, he tried to clean it up, but the ultra cheap toilet paper the school provided was so thin that it tore into tiny pieces when he tried to wipe up his monster load.
At lunch, he divided his time between eating and thinking about Lynn's vagina. Despite jerking it, he was hot and bothered again, and the urge grew stronger. He was going off the rails and didn't know if he would be able to hold out much longer. He was tired of maturbating, tired of pretending, he needed a real girl to get off with.
He needed it badly.
Luan sat in the uncomfortable dentist chair and opened her mouth so the dentist could do his thing. He checked her teeth and hummed to himself. He rocked back on his heels said said, "There's a tooth in the back that needs to come out. Luckily, my next appointment died in a plane crash this morning, so I have time." He glanced at the clock on the wall. "I gotta be quick, though. I'm golfing with the ear, nose, and throat specialist at four."
Ugh, another one? At this point, Luan would be toothless by the time she was twenty-five. She pictured her mouth sunken and puckered like a meth addict's, and a shiver went down her spine. The dentist rolled away on his swivel chair, grabbed a few instruments, and then came back. He directed the hygenist to prepare "The gas" and even though Luan knew he meant laughing gas, she couldn't help but imagining a metal cylinder of Zyklon-B. That was Frank's Red Hot for Nazis. They used that shit on everything.
Even people with bad teeth?
Probably. Hey, they were into pure Aryan genetics, and having bad teeth was a genetic deficiency. If Luan was Hitler, she'd totally have toothless people wiped out too.
The hygienist slipped a plastic face piece over her mouth and nose and turned the gas on. It smelled and tasted like stale air.
Then it hit her.
In no time flat, she was woozy and the room was spinning. A big, punch drunk grin squiggled across her face and her eyelids lowered to hazy slits. She felt good, warm, and lightheaded, and her thoughts turned into a nonsensical jumble of words, pictures, and impressions with no logic, rhyme, or reason.
Oh, mama, that's the stuff.
She dutifully opened her mouth and let the dentist root around. He found the tooth and then drilled it for a moment; Luan knew enough in her murky state to keep her tongue pressed flat to the bottom of her mouth lest he accidentally lob part of it off. He pulled the drill out and picked a pair of dental pliers up from the tray. "Just hold still and we'll be done in a minute."
He pulled the tooth from her jaw; she could hear it breaking into pieces, but felt no pain. He picked out the remaining shards and dropped them onto the tray with a series of clinks. The effects of the gas had fully gripped Luan now and she was floating on a cloud of nirvana. She was barely aware of anything that happened afterward. She vaguely recalled Mom helping her out to the van and strapping her into the passenger seat, and was pretty sure that she made a few loopy observations on the ride home. They pulled into the driveway and Mom helped her up the stairs, holding her hand and telling her to watch her step. Luan stared down at her feet and literally watched every step she took, making sure not to step wrong.
"Lie down for a little while, honey," Mom said as she put Luan to bed, "the gas will wear off in a few hours. I have to go back to work but I'll call and check on you."
"Okay," Luan slurred.
Mom left, and Luan was alone.
But not for long.
Lincoln skipped his last class and walked home with his hands in his pockets. He had to hunch over at the waist to hide his erection. He jacked off a few minutes before sneaking out the side door but his peen was at full attention again in less than five minutes. When he got home, he should have the house to himself, which meant he'd be able to stretch out in bed and toss off without any interruptions.
He turned onto Franklin Avenue and followed the sidewalk to the house. The driveway stood empty and the front door was locked. He peered through the front window and didn't see anyone. He unlocked the door, went in, and climbed the stairs. He started into his room but stopped when someone uttered a drunken cry. "Whoooo, I'm going to Mars."
What the fuck?
It was coming from Luna and Luan's room.
Was Luna "high" again?
He crept to the door and poked his head in. Luan lay in her bed, whipping her head from side to side. Lincoln's brow furrowed in confusion and he went in. "You okay?" he asked as he approached the bed.
"Stand up tonight at 8. Only on the History Channel."
Uh…ok.
When he reached the bed, his confusion deepened. Luan's eyes were heavily lidded and she looked drunk. She talked out of her head and slurred her words. Lincoln was worried for a second, then remembered that she had a dentist appointment today. They must have hit her with the laughing gas. LOL. Every time that happened, she would act loopy for hours afterward and then pass out. When she woke, she wouldn't remember anything that -
Lincoln froze.
Happened.
She wouldn't remember anything that happened.
Anything.
His eyes slithered over the swell of her tiny breasts beneath her blouse, flicked to her long, smooth legs, lingered on her thighs. The hem of her skirt had ridden up and he could almost see the outline of her panties. Lincoln's heart began to pound and his boner redoubled, so hard that it threatened to split the seam of his jeans. His mouth went dry and he looked around. His hands tingled and for a moment, he teetered on the edge. He could do it. He could do it and get away with it. No one would ever know and Luan wouldn't remember. She was completely vulnerable…at his mercy…her door standing open and just waiting to be entered…
Luan looked right at him but he could tell that she didn't recognize him; she may not have even realized she was looking at a human being instead of a lamppost or something.
That decided him.
Going over to the door, he poked his head out into the hall, looked around, and pulled the door shut with a soft click. He went back to Luan's bedside and knelt next to her. Her eyes were barely open and she was muttering to herself. Lincoln swallowed around a lump in his throat, reached out, and laid his hand on her knee. Her skin was smooth and warm and his heart throbbed against his ribs. He ran his hand slowly up and down, drinking in the silky feeling of her flesh. She smacked her lips and said something that didn;t make any sense.
He licked his lips and skimmed his hand up oner inner thigh. It disappeared under her skirt, and at once, her wet heat enfolded him. He scooted on his knees and grazed his thumb over her center. Her felt her pussy lips through her underwear and his hands began to shake. Hiking her skirt up, he thrust his fingers into her waistband and pulled her panties down; they rolled and bunched as he tugged them down the curve of her thighs. She offered no resistance as he pulled them over her ankles and threw them away. Her pussy was bare now, and Lincoln stared at it in a mixture of wonder and arousal. Her lips were pink and satiny and her slit was dark yet inviting. He looked up at her and she was facing the wall, her eyes closed.
Shame and guilt overcame him and he almost gave up.
Instead, he ran his fingers through her folds. Inside, she was wet and sticky and the movement stirred her smell; it perfumed the air and Lincoln's dick began to leak. He found her opening and penetrated her with one finger; her brow crinkled and she tried to open her eyes, but her lids refused to budge. Lincoln pulled his finger out and stuck it into his mouth.
Her taste was salty and sweet, and Lincoln's pupils dilated.
He was instantly hooked.
Getting up, he straddled Luan and unbuttoned her blouse. He opened it and pushed it aside. Beneath she wore a yellow bra. He ripped it down the middle and her small but perky breasts came free. Her nipples were pink and pointed, and Lincoln sucked one into his mouth. Her skin was salty and the way she trembled sent quivers through his body. He kissed her neck, her breast, her collarbone, his passion rising. Luan's breath was ragged in his ear and made his skin tingle. Her kneaded her nipple, pinching it between his fingers, and thrusted against her, dry humping her stomach. He kissed her but she was in no state to kiss him back; he licked her tongue, curled his tongue around her teeth, and licked her braces.
He was panting and leaking into his briefs. He unzipped his jeans, pulled them down, and reached into his undies. He took his dick out and prodded Luan's stomach with it, the way it mashed against her making him moan. He pushed his pants and underwear down then kicked out of them. He knelt between Luan's legs and spread her thighs. Her pussy lips opened for him like the petals of a dew-covered flower. Lincoln shifted, guided his dick to her opening, and jerked his hips before he could change his mind. His dick sank into her hot pool of moisture and they both moaned. Her body formed around his shaft and her muscles went crazy, either trying to push him out or to milk his cock for all it was worth.
Lincoln bowed his head and enjoyed the feeling of her warm insides. At long last, he was inside of a girl, and it felt better than he ever could have imagined. He slapped his hands on either side of her head and began to thrust back and forth. His head raked her walls and pushed her body apart; a look of pain crossed her face and she mumbled iredly to herself. Even in the heat of passion, looking into her face made him feel guilty, so he buried his face in her neck and kissed her as he rutted into her virgin womb. Luan tilted her head to the side and muttered, "This feels good."
Lincoln leaned back, wrapped his hands around her ankles, and pushed her feet back to her ears. Her pussy walls tightened around his shaft and they both moaned, Lincoln in pleasure and Luan in pain. He started to drill her harder, and his balls slapped against her butt with a meaty sound. He arched his back, sucked her bottom lip into his mouth, and bit down.
His excitement crested, and even though he tried not to cum, Lincoln couldn't help himself. His dick jerked and spat into her, his jizz filling her pussy and oozing out around his cock. Luan's breath caught and Lincoln gritted his teeth. He pulled out and flopped on top of Luan, chest heaving. The sex hadn't lasted very long, but he was covered in sweat and his muscles ached. Luan thrashed and tried to push him off, but gave up and passed out instead.
It didn't take very long for Lincoln to get hard again. He rolled off of her, lay beside her, and explored her body with his hand. He found her clit and swirled his finger around it; prodded her butthole with his finger; and licked her nipple. He rolled her onto her stomach and kissed her shoulder blades. He ran his dick back and forth between her butt cheeks and tried to put it in, but her butt was so tight that entering dry was nearly found some hand lotion in the top drawer of her nightstand, slathered some all over her butt, and tried again. His dick finally squeezed in and Luan woke up just enough to say, "My butt hurts."
Lincoln was gentle with her. Her butt was much tighter than her pussy and felt so, so much better. He wanted to slam her but he was afraid to hurt her too much. In less than a minute, Lincoln came again, injecting his sister's butt with his seed. He pulled out and sat back on the bed. His mind began to clear and he realized what he had done.
Oh no.
He raped Luan.
Shame filled him.
He had to hide the evidence.
While Luan slept it off, he did his best to clean his cum from her butt and pussy. He put her panties back on. He slunk back to his room and waited for her to wake up.
Would she remember?
God he hoped not.
Finally, he heard movement in the hall. He poked his head out of his room and saw her limping to the bathroom. "H-Hey, Luan," he said. "How do you feel?"
She turned around and looked at him.
Was it just his own guilt or did he see outrage in her eyes.
When she spoke, he found out.