chapter 2
"Hello AluKame, How was your mission in japan?" Najenda asked
"Meh, I'd say 99..."
Scene from high-school of the dead from the first zombie in the first episode
"... .9% done."
"...I caused High-school of the dead to happen?" Akame asked her self in shock
"wow. Good job you bitch. You just destroyed an entire country. well done." Mine frowned
"Sup, bitch?"
"I need to talk to you about some important guests coming today." Najenda said
"Are they hookers?" AluKame asked
"Really?" Tatsumi facepalmed
"No." Najenda answered
"And Like that, you've lost me." AluKame said
"Why does she have to be like this?" Lubbock asked
"Dunno. But it's funny to watch." Leone remarked
"They are our financial suppliers." Najenda said
"Oooh shit..." Najenda frowned
"What's wrong boss?" Tatsumi asked
"Well... one thing about financial suppliers Tatsumi," Bulat started
"Oh, man. They have to hate us!" AluKame said
"They do. That's why they canceled our budget." Najenda said
"AAAAAAnd there you have the answer." Bulat finished
"ooooh...Good thing We don't have financial suppliers." Tatsumi said
"But dealing with them in my days as a general were...just terrible." Najenda said sighing.
"Oh that's bad. We need that right?" AluKame asked at least concerned a bit
"Hey Lubbock!"
"Huh?" Everyone said a bit surprised
"We need that right?"
"Yes, Very important ma'am." Lubbock said from over the line next to Najenda
"Hey I'm here too!" Lubbock said
"And...I'm a butler?"
"Thank you Lubbock." AluKame said
"Of course Ma'am." Lubbock said
"Over the last couple of years we've had some...expensive claims." Najenda said
"Like what?" AluKame asked
"First off: Property damage." Najenda said
cut to a scene of a city blowing up
"good times!" AluKame said
"No not 'good times'! That's horrible!" mine yelled
"dozens of noise complaints." Najenda continued
"SORRY, I CAN'T HEAR YOUUUUU!" AluKame yelled over the phone while a very loud music was being played
"Oh she perfectly knows what she's doing!" Tatsumi said
"Killing at least a Dozen innocent people." Najenda said
"Oh so did Heath ledger, and he got a fucking Oscar for it!" AluKame said
"That was a movie tho!" Lubbock yelled
"And he was playing a crazy psychotic clown! FROM A COMIC BOOK NO LESS!" Mine yelled as well
"And I don't kill innocent people!" Akame yelled last
"...Akame, You like...clowns?" Sheele asked confused
"Not now sheele!" Akame yelled
"And! All of the sexual harassment." Najenda said
"...I'm not apologizing." AluKame said
"Why is everything so sexual with you?!" Mine yelled
"I would never do this mine." Akame said
"It's kinda hot tho." Leone said
"Leone!" Akame yelled embarrassed
"Listen I know this is asking a lot but..." Najenda started
"Buuuut?" AluKame said
"I want you to keep yourself locked in the basement until all of them are gone." Najenda finished
"...I get the distinct impression that you're embarrassed of me." Alukame said
"you think?" Tatsumi face palmed
"Well no shit she is!" Mine said
"I would. I promise you I would be if it's financial suppliers involved." Najenda said
"AluKame."
"I'm gonna go with, 'Noooo'." AluKame said
"This is important and I don't need you causing another scene!" Najenda said
"I don't have to take this! I'm going for a walk." AluKame said
"NOOO!" Everyone yelled
"No you don't!" Najenda ordered
"Oh what are you gonna do? Grab that guy that can stop me?" AluKame asked
"What was his name? Michael Mcdoesn'texist?"
"What...does that mean?" Sheele asked
"It means no one can stop her." Leone answered
"She is clearly too cocky." Chelsea said
"Chelsea, she can Resurrect when her head is cut off." Tatsumi said
"And also, That shouldn't even be all she is capable of."
"sigh...what do you want?" Najenda asked sighing
"Whaaat?~" AluKame said
"...What...Do I need to give you...to keep you down there for the evening?" Najenda asked
"...I'm going to need a new gun." AluKame said
"New gun? That's it?" Leone asked
"Probably for Esdeath considering she survived a bullet to the head." Akame guessed
"Also one for the police girl."
"For me?" Mine asked
"But I already have a gun." Mine said
"Give that bitch a cannon. BITCHES LOVE CANNONS." AluKame said
"...someone put that on a shirt!" Lubbock said
"It's already trending." Susanoo said as he was checking his phone on every social media he could access.
"It is?!" Leone asked while susanoo nodded
"Anything else?" Najenda asked
"...A 70 inch...Plazma widescreen TV." AluKame said
"...Really/Really?"
Najenda asked in sync with her other self
"With netflix." AluKame finished up.
"HAH! Well I would ask that too!" Leone said laughing
"Vampiric Opportunist." Mine said crossing her arms
"Should it also be 3D?" Najenda asked
"NO! THAT'S A STUPID FUCKING GIMMICK AND EVERYONE KNOWS IT!/No that is an unnecessary inclusion and everyone knows it."
Akame and AluKame both said at the same time.
but AluKame sounded offended while Akame just stated the truth as she saw it.
"She's actually right." Lubbock said
"Yeah, I mean they were pretty nice back then but now on your home television...It's not the same magic anymore." Tatsumi said
"Who even does 3D anymore?!" Mine asked
Najenda sits on her chair while other oldmen were sitting down as well.
"Hello, gentlemen. Thank you very much for accepting my invitation." Najenda said
"Well, considering the direness of your financial security, we thought it was the least we could do." An elderly man said who...looked a lot like Chouri the former prime minister.
"Isn't that the former prime minister?" Lubbock asked
"Yes, that is him." Najenda confirmed it for him,
"Now before we begin, I was under the impression our budget was handled directly by the Queen." Najenda said
"Oh, it is. However, we're having a distinctly difficult time justifying some of these expenses." another old man said
"Most of them under the name... 'AluKame'?" Chouri said
"Oh god what did she do?" Mine asked
"Did she steal a nuke?" Chelsea asked
"She killed people because some actor did it too didn't she?" Lubbock questioned
"Please stop." Akame begged
Najenda, knowing something bullshit has happened because of AluKame takes in a deep breath "...Continue."
"For example - some of them were frankly labeled, 'Entertainment'."
"Entertainment?" Najenda repeated
"Quite. Like in my report: £20,000 for a... 'Candi'?" An old asshole said
"that's 'Candi' with an 'i', by the way." Another old asshole said
"...Candy...with an 'i'?" Tatsumi repeated
"What...does that even mean? What's a candi?!"
"I am quite confused as well." Sheele said
"Pffff...Hehe...A-Actually...'Candi' with an 'i' is usually...a HOOKERS NICKNAME!" Leone said as she suddenly bursted into laughter
"You spent 20'000 on one broad?!" Mine asked
"I'd never do that!" Akame yelled
"20'000 no less...for a working girl...such a waste of good money!" Susanoo frowned
"I see." najenda said
"Not to mention the priceless silver dragon! I believe the note on the claim was: 'I thought I could turn it into a Rathalos, but I couldn't find enough goats. So I scrapped it'."
"...So that's why we found my father's silver dragon covered in goat blood and rammed into a Dairy Queen which caused it to die instantly." Najenda said
"My fathers silver dragon was WHAAAAT?!" Najenda yelled
"You...doing okay boss?" Bulat asked
"NO! My father was VERY sensitive on that Silver dragon! He'd threaten to hit me with his cane whenever I got close to it!" Najenda explained
"Yikes." Everyone said with a little sweat drop.
"Oh yes, and then there's also the Dairy Queen, sitting at about £95,000-"
'I would do fucking anything right now to get out of this.' Najenda said to herself mentally while chouri just went on about "BLAH BLAH BLAH Wha'ever".
"...She jinxed something." Tatsumi said
"Agreed." Akame said
"And so half way through eatin' me out, the fuckin' hooker OD's on heroin!" someone said
"Ew what?!" Mine yelled
"that's kinda gross. and that's coming from me." Leone said
"wait...That voice..." Akame said with her eyes widening
"...no...It can't be her..."
" I really don't like discussing my ex-girlfriend with you." an familiar voice said
"...Wait, Is that me?" Chelsea asked
"that sounded like me! also, my ex-girlfriend?! And who is talking about...Wait that's..."
"I mean I still finished, but what kind of shit is that?" The other person next to Chelsea said
"For God sakes, Merriad! Think of mother!" Chelsea yelled
"...Who?" Leone asked
"Have we seen her before?" Tatsumi asked
"Hmm...I'm not suuuuure...Can't put my finger on who that Merriad one is..." Lubbock said
"ugh, that's actually_" Chelsea started but
"NO!" Akame suddenly yelled and everyone looks at her
"Just...don't...PLEASE don't tell anyone who that is."
"...Why tho?" Tatsumi asked
"Because I said so." Akame answered
"...Wait, Chelsea, did you say...'Think of mother'?"
"...I'm related to her aren't I?" Chelsea asked in absolute mental pain.
"...I ain't jerkin' off right now." Merriad said
"You know what, She is gross and weird! I don't want to know ANYTHING about this woman!" Mine yelled
"Me too." Tatsumi agreed as well
"Oi, you two. The grounds are currently closed." A guard said
"Aww, man! That totally sucks! And we came all the way out here with these foreign exchange students on a field trip through the capital." Merriad said
"Where from?" The guard asked
multiple guns sticked out of the bus windows
" Gotham." Merriad answered and the zombies in the bus began firing, tearing down the front gate completely!
"2 batman jokes in a row. not too bad" Lubbock said
"Also foreign exchange student my ass!"
"Aw, shit. Looks like we need more prayer in schools." Merriad joked
"If you're quite finished, ready the zombies. I'm going to find AluKame. You overrun the rest of the mansion." Chelsea ordered
"Alrighty!"
Zombies walk out of the bus
"all bitches! Off the bus and line up in order! I got a class assignment for all of y'all!"
"...Soooo...Chelsea is a villain now." Tatsumi said
"...I'm gonna enjoy it when Akame started to rip her to shreads!" mine said smiling evilly
"Mine!" Akame yelled
"Please shut up." Chelsea said
"...And while the mime did survive, he'll never walk again!"
"...What did you do to that mime?!" Leone asked
"I don't know!" Akame yelled
Then the lights flicker on and off
"That's funny; we weren't cutting the power just yet." Chouri said
"Wow. How heartwarming." Najenda facepalmed
"Oh shit." Najenda said as she calls the front desk
"Front desk, report. What's going on?"
"Oh hey, yeah. Hold on. Just give me a second."
The front desk guy walks toward the window.
"...Whoa..."
Then walks back
"Oh yeah, it's zombies. Hmm, definitely, definitely_"
"THEN RUN DUMBASS!" Tatsumi yelled
Then the front desk guy is attacked
"_OH MY GOD!"
Then hangs up
"It's really baffling how calm he was about it." Chelsea said
"Miss Najenda, do something!" Chouri said
"Calm down! We have over 100 trained guards at the premises at all times. We have everything under control." Najenda said
Then a muffled screetch was heard
"...What was that?" Chouri asked
"That was probably the escape dragon dying...and must be choking on it's own blood now. As I was saying, let me just contact communications and get an update." Najenda said as she started calling again
"I highly doubt that." Najenda said
"Communications, come in. We need a full report." Najenda asked
Then, the sound of front desk guy crying was heard.
"Read the fucking paper." Merriad ordered him from over the phone.
"He-hey there...Najenda," the front dest guy sid while sobbing
"READ IT FUCKINg *SMACK* RIGHT, CUCKHOLE!" Merriad ordered
"HEY THERE...You...fate...gender bent...Dante..."
"Really?" Najenda facepalmed at seeing she is being referred to as a gender bent Dante.
"It's probably the white hair boss." Tatsumi said
"That's more like it. Now keep going." Merriad ordered
"Me... and my sister Chelsea, are killing... all of your men... and turning them into zombies... So... I-I... h-hope... you've made peace... with yourself... 'cuz when... I find you... I'm gonna...O-oh God!"
"Ooooh we ARE sisters in this!" chelsea frowned
"Keep reading, or I'LL SHOOT THE OTHER TESTICLE!"
"WHAT?!" Lubbock yelled
"Oh god!" Tatsumi gasped
"Whoa!" even Bulat was shocked
"OH GOD THAT'S DISGUSTING!" Mine yelled
"Was...This Merriad this...Well, Crazy?" Leone asked
"...Not really..." Akame answered while Chelsea was shocked beyond words.
"CUZ WHEN I FIND YOU I'M GONNA FUCK EVERY HOLE YOU GOOOOOT! And then I'm gonna just keep making more holes to Fuu-huu-uuuck. until there's nothing left but your riddled corpse full of blood...and seme-hen..." The poor Front desk guy reads the paper while crying
Najendas jaw had dropped after hearing that, while everyone else just watch in absolute shock and disgust at what just happened.
"...I...I don't...I can't even...Wow thats...That's low...REALLY low...Even more Me." Leone said
"Oh god this is horrible!" The front desk guy said
"You ain't finished yet." Merriad said
"So prepare your dried-up pussy... for my hu-huge 1 foot large strap oooo-ooon...! Now pardon me, while I blow this faggot ginger's brains out_OH GOD NO_"
*BANG!*
((RIP Front desk guy))
"a ha ha ha! Oh! His fuckin' face, man! Aha, fuck! Ha ha ha ha! Oh no, that shit is priceless!" Merriad laughed as she hangs up the phone
"...Ouch." Bulat said
"Yep. All under control." Mine said
"Soooo...Calling AluKame?" Tatsumi asked
Najenda called another line on the phone
"AluKame, GET UP HERE NOW!"
"Yes! With AluKame, There is no way there'll be anymore casualties!" Sheele said
"I'm locked in with the committee on the third floor and_"
"Okay, see, I'm going to have to stop you riiiiiiiight there." AluKame said
"...eeeeeh?" Sheele said very confused
"You see, I'm under direct orders from my boss," AluKame explained
"...nooooooo..." Najenda said
"who is a total bitch, by the way, EHEM," She continued
"No no nooooo not now, Don't DO THIS!" Najenda begged
"that I am not to leave this room until such time as the committee has left the building. I was even bribed. Imagine that." AluKame said
"Oh WHAT THE HELL!" Mine yelled
"So what, she's just going to sit this out like nothing is happening?!" Tatsumi yelled
"EEheheheh Um, Akame? This is a VERY serious matter right now. NOOOOT really time for jokes!" Leone said sweating a bit
"...She's...Actually serious. I can tell." Akame said, feeling very angry at herself now
"I'll bury my other self the first chance I can have."
"ALUKAME, YOU VAMPIRIC BITCH! I WILL_" Najenda yelled but
"Sounds great, but I'm gonna have to go now. I just queued up an episode of 'JoJo's bizzare adventure Part 3' on Netflix. Byyye~" AluKame said while [STAND PROUD] Starts to play behind the phone and she hangs up.
"...wow. What a bitch." Mine grumbled
"Lubbock!" Najenda yelled over the phone again.
Chelsea was seen killing multiple guards in one strike of her knife.
"Wow. It'd be nice if I could actually do that!" Chelsea said
"But all you're good for is running away." Mine said grinning
Then her phone gets a call and she answered
"Hello, Mera."
"So, hows my sister doing?"
"Oh you know, Just killed a group of guards." Chelsea answered
"Shit sis you too?! What's your kill count at?" Merriad asked
"Nah don't tell me..."
Then it's revealed she is sitting in a hallway filled with dead guards
"...I'm winnin'."
"We can see that." Tatsumi said
"They were guarding a secret passageway downstairs." Chelsea explained as she opened a secret door behind a mirror.
"Not really keeping it a secret if you keep a bunch of armed guards standing around it."
"...Ah shit." Najenda said
"Well, you have fun with that, bro. I'm gonna go skullfuck that Hellsing bitch. And the old guys. aH fuck it, SKULLFUCK FOR EVERYONE! Come here, Zombie!"
And with that Merriad hung up
"...Is it weird I said that I feel bad for that zombie?" Tatsumi asked
"It's already dead, so I don't think It'd feel any pain at that point." Lubbock said
"Well you can choose your friends but you can't choose your family." Chelsea said
"I wish it was the other way around." Chelsea said
"Really?" Tatsumi asked
"...Well...Sorry It's complicated." Chelsea answered
"Alright. lubbock and his assistant should be here any second now." Najenda said
"But if there's no way to get upstairs, how are they going to_"
*BONK!*
"Grah!"
A piece of the ceiling falls on his head.
Then, Mine fell through and her butt was planted right on his head and they both fell!
"NOT ON HIS FACE!" Mine yelled while the others chuckled
"Talley-Ho!" Lubbock said as he jumped down as well.
"Now that was a landing." Lubbock complemented himself
"Good to see you Lubbock." Najenda said
"Of course sir." Lubbock said as he lights Najendas Cigar for her
"The first two floors have been entirely overrun. Communications with the outside have been cut off, we lost all our men, and AluKame is being..." Najenda started
"AluKame is being AluKame per usual?" Lubbock asked
"A total bitch, Yes." Najenda said
"Wow. Your name is practically a state of mood now." Leone joked
"Please stop." Akame begged
"Now tell me, do you have any plans?" Najenda asked
"Of course, sir. I shall do exactly as the butler does." Then wires appeared at the tip of his gloves
"And tidy up."
"Please tell me that I'll do something Awesome!" Lubbock said
" I don't give a shit, I don't give a fuck.
I don't give a shit! I don't give a fuck!
Now if I give a shit, I might just give a fuck!
But I don't give a shit, so I don't give a_!"
"Someone SHUT HER UP!" Mine yelled
Then, some of the Zombies behind Merriad were sliced in pieces!
"...FUCK WAS THAT?!" Merriad gasped
"Better." Mine said
Then Lubbock walks toward Merriad and her zombies!
"Hello. My name is Lubbock C. Dornez, ex-vampire hunter and butler to the Hellsing Organization. I answer the door, I clean up the estate, and I take out the trash. And I also Put self-entitled little horny bitches like yourself in the horny jail." Lubbock said
"I'M AWESOOOOOME!" Lubbock cheered
"Well, ain't you just the textbook fuckin' definition of classy! But guess what, green, that garrote wire won't do shit for dick against armor this thick! What's that, doflamingo? 'How thick is it?' Well, half as thick as my THRIVING BONER! So thick enough that you need a fuckin' anti-tank rifle to pierce it, and I don't even see a piece on your Skinny Slender ass!" Merriad said
"Oh, Again with the doflamingo compering. SERIOUSLY Why do people compere me to doflamingo all the time!? Is it because of the wire thing?!" Lubbock frowned
"If it helps, You're much nicer than doflamingo." Akame said
"...Thanks Akame." Lubbock said
"Police girl, If you may." Lubbock stepped aside and Then,
Mine aims her new gun at the zombies
"BITCHES LOVE CANNONS!"
And she fired off a bullet which ripped through the zombies and their shields
"Oh fuck, That's an anti tank rifle." Merriad said
...Then it sinked in for her
"OH FUCK! THAT'S AN ANTI-TANK RIFLE!"
"Sir? Is something wrong?"
"D-don't is something wrong me! The toilet...The toilet...THERE'S A PIG STICKING IT'S HEAD OUT OF IT!"
"...HAH! I should probably get one of those for Najendas bathroom." AluKame laughed as she saw the funny scene in jojo part 3 where polnareff runs out of the bath room.
"...Gross." Najenda said
*BOOM!*
Then, Chelsea busts in while destroying the TV.
"...Chelsea?" Akame called out
"Yes?" Chelsea said
"...You destroyed the TV." Akame Deadpanned while sounding annoyed.
"...THAT was a 70 inch...Plazma screen TV." AluKame said and inhales to remain calm
"SO, How can I help you?"
"You must be the great AluKame." Chelsea said
"Suuup?"
"I've heard quite a lot about you." Chelsea said again
"Oh really?~"
"The night walker. Who glides through oceans of Blood. Beyond human. A monster, Whose power radiats a darkness, that Casts a shadow on Darkness itself!"
"That's a lot of titles." Bulat said
"And to be able to cast a darkness on darkness itself. Interesting." Susanoo remarked
"That sounds like some kingdom hearts crap." Mine said
"Ooooh you dirty bitch, WORK THE SHAAAFT!" AluKame said
"Ex...Cuse you?" Chelsea said
"Oh, I'm sorry. I, heh, I like to dirty talk when someone's EATING OUT MY VAGINA."AluKame said
"...What the hell is her problem now?" Lubbock asked
"Chelsea destroyed a 70 inch plazma TV." Akame said with dot eyes glaring at Chelsea
"Which Also had netflix."
"Perhaps I should get straight to my point. My name is Chelsea Valentine." Chelsea said
"And I'm Carmin Sandiego. GUESS WHERE I AM!" AluKame yelled.
"Why is she doing this?" Chelsea asked
"A TV. 70 Inch. Plazma Screen. Destroyed." Akame said
"Oh come on it was just a TV!" Chelsea said
"With Plazma screen. 70 inch. also with netflix." Akame continued.
"...I'm trying to have a serious conversation with you here." Chelsea said
"Oh. And so am I! And I'm failing. And I'm sorry for that." AluKame said
"No you're not." Mine said
"It's just that I'm so agitated, Because this organge haired little SHIT STAIN that thinks she's better than everyone around her, WHICH SHE IS NOT AND IS THE MOST PATHETIC PERSON IN THE WHOLE WORLDWIDE UNIVERSE-"
After hearing that, Chelsea felt a little hurt and insulted.
"Hah! So true!" mine yelled with a laugh as Chelsea glares at her
"-just strolls into my room, DESTROYS my 70 INCH, PLAZMA TV!"
"With netflix!" Akame added
"And is trying to impress me LIKE I'M HER FUCKING ALCOHOLIC MOTHER, ONLY TO BE SECONDS AWAY FROM GETTING AN EMPTY BOTTLE SMACKED ACROSS HER HEAD!" AluKame finished.
"...Yikes." Leone said
"It was just a TV!" Chelsea yelled
Then, AluKame and Chelsea aim their guns at each others heads
"Be good girl and grab mommy another beer would you?~" AluKame asked
"Or you want to make Mommy money again by forcing her to call his horny friends over to play with you again?"
"WHOA!" Bulat gasped
"JEEESUS!" Lubbock said
"Okay, that one is just too dark." Leone said
Mine grabs Merriad from behind and pins her on the floor
"ARM BARS EVERYWHERE!" She yelled
"Get...off me you bitch! I'M suppose to be on top!" Merriad grunted
"Fuck no." Mine frowned
"That's quite impressive. Where did you learn that hold?" Lubbock asked
"OH, WOOOOW, It's almost like I'm a POLICE GIRL or SOMETHING!" Mine said
"Seriously why would you even ask?!" Mine yelled as well
"Sarcasm is unbecoming of you." Lubbock said
"Wow, Gee Wilikers mister. I sure am sorry for slaughtering all your guards and tearing up your mansion. I promise I learned my les_" Merriad starts only for Lubbock to stomp on her hand
"AGH! Fuck! Take a joke ASSHOLE!"
"And everything you say just pisses me off!" Lubbock said
"Agreed!" Mine agreed
"Tear her up already!" Leone said
"Please do." Akame said
"Now you're going to tell me EVERYTHING I want to know." Lubbock said
"Or ask that before killing her." Lubbock said
"Alright alright! What you do is: You go down to the local adult shop, Ask for something called a 'Condom', And it'll HELP TO PREVENT REJECTS LIKE YOU FROM HAPPENING!" Merriad joked
"...Fuck it. KILLONG YOU NOW!" Lubbock yelled
"DO IT!" Lubbock yelled
But then, All of the guards appear as zombies down the hallway
Merriad breaks away form Mines grip and jumps back
"And now for the upcoming company picnic. Unfortunately, all your douche bag coworkers are bringing is their own rotten flesh. Still better than potato salad if you ask me. Now if you don't mind, I'ma go eat that Hellsing bitch!"
She said and jumped over mine and lubbock running toward the door!
"I got your arm!" Lubbock wrapped his wires around her hand
"YES!" Lubbock cheered
"SO SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS! HAAHAHAHAHA!" Merriad said as she let her arm get ripped off!
"NO!" Lubbock yelled
And when Mera reached the door and jumped in...everyone including najenda all aim their guns at her
"Busted!" Leone cheered
"...Well that's not fair at all." Mera said
"Oh I'm sorry, WE DON'T GIVE A FUCK!" Najenda said and they all open fire
"HAH! Eat your own words bitch!" Mine cheered
And as they fire
"FUCK! MOTHER FUCKING CUNT WITH FUCKING TITS! FUCK! FUCK! FFFFFFUUUUUUCK!" Mera kept cursing before Lubbock slammed her against the wall
"UUUUgh FUCK, Where the FUCK did my zombies go?!"
"Oh they've been delt with." Lubbock answers
Then Mine is seen in a blood rage killing all of the zombies.
"Wow. That should be consering but...that's somehow cool." Tatsumi admited
"And hot." Lubbock joked
"Shut up!" Mine yells
"...Well, At least I die with a raging boner." Mera said
"YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Mine yells louder
"Alright porn for brains, You're going to spill everything you know or I'll have Lubbock peal your pussy inside out like a TOOTHPASTE!" Najenda threatens
"WHOA!" Leone gasped
"S-S-S-S-SCARY!" sheele hides behind her chair
"That sounds very painful." Chelsea said sweating
"Boss WHAT THE HELL?!" Mine yells
"He he he...I don't know what's fuckin' funnier: The fact that you think that your Dante look alike ass intimidates me, or that you think my boss would let me live if you did."
Then, Mera is suddenly up in flames!
"AND NOW I'M ON FUCKIN' FIRE! SO NOW IT'S FREE GAME! The one who sent me... WAS...! ...The Eeeempiiirreeeee..."
And then, she is turned to dust.
"Called it." Leone said
"...I heard lucas films. Who else heard lucas films?" Najenda said
"What?" Najenda said
"I heard Dath vader." Lubbock said
"Say what now?!" Lubbock gasped
"I heard the Mandolorians with my Vampire hearing." Mine shrugged
"Okay Are they doing this on purpose?!" Mine asked
"...They don't want to admit it because then it would me I was right." Akame said
"...Dang it now that makes sense." Chelsea said
"Probably for the best." Bulat said
"Wait a second, Where is the other sister?!" Najenda asked
Chelsea and AluKame are seen fighting while Chelsea repeatedly dodges AluKames bullets and she keeps getting shot
"You can't touch me! I was HAND CRAFTED to kill you! My speed, My stamina, My power all rival, nay, DWARF YOURS!"
"That's a very big claim." Susanoo stated
"In comparison to you, I AM A DEMIGOD!" Chelsea finished
"...What." Tatsumi said
"...Chelsea?" Leone asked
"I-I do't have a demigod complex! HONEST!" Chelsea said trying to defend herself
"Well of course. You're just TOO WEAK to be one." Mine joked
"HEY!" Chelsea said
"She speaks the truth. you ARE weak." Susanoo agreed
"Y-You too?!" Chelsea gasped
"They're right." Akame agreed as well
"Aw come on!" Chelsea wined
"Hey don't worry! I can help you with that!" Bulat said
"...Really? Really?" AluKame said
"Really."
"Really?!"
"Really!"
Then AluKames head faces forward, showing a bloody, psychotic smile
"REALLY?!"
"christ!" Lubbock gasps
"Scary!" Sheele said
"REALLY!"
"Release restraint Level one."
"Level what?/Level what?" Everyone said along side Chelsea.
Then, AluKame turns into some kind of demonic dog and bites off one of Chelseas legs!
"What?!" Tatsumi gasped
"What happened to her?!" Leone asked
"She bit off my leg!" Chelsea screamed
Akame just looks at her other self horrified
"You know they say TV makes you violent, But I say NOT having my TV, IS MAKING ME PRETTY FUCKING VIOLENT!" AluKame said as her body manifested through the dog and the shadows.
"We can see..." Lubbock said with a sweat drop.
She then shoots Chelseas other leg!
"AAGH!" She screams in pain and falls
" I'm near the stairs! got to get the stairs! If I can just get up the stairs I..."
Then, She sees just howmany stairs there are
"...AAAAAAAAhhhhhh fuck."
"...Indeed." Leone agreed
"I'm so dead." Chelsea said sweating
"Well, You did say you're a Demigod. So it's like Karma." Bulat pointed out
"COME ON! You were talking all that GOOD SHIT a SECOND ago! THEN I BLEW YOUR FUCKING LEGS OFF!" D!AluKame said as she approached Chelsea
"B-But I...You...WHAT THE FUCK!" Chelsea yelled like a total chicken shit.
"WHAT'S WRONG, 'DEMIGOD'?! JUST GROW BACK YOUR LEGS! SUMMON UP YOUR DEMONS! HIT ME! FIGHT ME! BASH ME WITH A HAMMER! BURN MY BODY! BLOW ME UP! CUT ME IN HALF! SHOOT ME THROUGH THE FUCKING FACE! STAKE ME THROUGH MY HEART! SMASH MY SKULL INTO MY BRAIN! KILL MEEEEE!" D!AluKame screamed with the same maniacal smile on her face
Everyone just looks in horror at all the things AluKame just said.
Akame however, Was completely shocked to see herself say something like this.
...Like a psychotic mosnter.
"Haah...hAAAhhhh..." D!AluKame inhaled and said one more thing
"...GIIIIVE ME A HUUUUUUG..."
Everyones reaction at the last part: 0_0
Akame Reaction however: -_-
"...R-Really?" Chelsea asked
"...Why so serious?" D!AluKame asked
"...What?"
"WWHHHHHYYYYY SOOOOOO SEEEERRRRRRIIIIIOOUUUUUUSSSSSSAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" She then launched forward at her
"Oh GOD NO_"
"HEY WE'RE HERE ON EPIC MEAL TIME! I'M THE SAUCE BOSS! AND TONIGHT, WE'RE EATING THIS LOLIPOP SUCKING WANNBE DEMIGOD BITCH!" D!AluKame said while Chelseas screams of pain were being heard over the phone
"Who...Is that exactly?" Chouri asked
"Don't ask. You do NOT want to know." Mine said
"Oh That's AluKame The one we talked about earlier. This is what happens when she has to intertain herself." Najenda asked while Chelsea was still being torn apart over the phone
"I-Is she just going to tear me apart like that for hours?!" Chelsea asked
"Sounds pretty nice!" Mine smirked
"Also what was that issue about our funding?" Najenda asked
"Wait." Najenda said
"LET'S PUT A SMMMIIIILLLLEEE ON THAT FAAAACEEEEAAAAAH!"
"OH GOD NO PLEASE NO! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" Chelsea yelled in more pain
"I-Issue?!"
"What Issue?!"
"I don't see an issue."
"SHUT UP AND JUST TAKE OUR MONEY! PLEASE JUST KEEP THAT LEATH LEDGER AWAY FROM OUR HOUSES!"
"...Scaring the financial supporters into helping. Dang why Didn't I think about it before?!" Najenda asked herself
"Is it weird if I said I kinda Already thought about threatening them into giving their money?" Tatsumi asked
"Then you are Truly smart Tatsumi!" Bulat said patting his back
"They're a buncha old assholes anyway! So who cares~." Leone agreed
"...I'm still brutally massicaring Chelsea." Akame said
"Fuck me, she's STILL dying?!" Lubbock gasped
"I'm recording it so i can sleep at night listening to it!" Mine said smiling
"SCREW YOU!" Chelsea yelled
"Ah, and just like that, everything turned out alright in the end." AluKame said over the phone
"Yes everything turned out just fine." Najenda agreed
"Except 90% of our staff were killed, turned into zombies, and killed again by the police girl in a blood rage."
"What's a blood rage? And why don't I remember anything?" Mine asked
"It was pretty fuckin' awesome By the way!" Leone said.
"And kind of arousing." Lubbock joked
"Shut up." Mine said
"That reminds me, For whatever reason. Did we ever find out who sent them?" AluKame asked
"..." Najenda remained silent
"If she tells her the truth it means she is right." Susanoo said
"And just as we already guessed, she won't stop rubbing it in their faces."
"Possibly." Najenda agreed
"...It was the empire wasn't it?" AluKame asked
"No." Najenda said
" Bet you I'm right~" AluKame who was on the money teased
"Bet you you're wrong." Najenda said in denial
"Bet you you're a Skank~~" AluKame insulted
"Bet you you're and Asshole." Najenda shot back
"BITCH I KILL, MURDER, SEXUALY ASSAULT, RIP APART, RAPE, IMPALE THROUGH STAKES, CRUSIFY, DRINK AND EAT PEOPLE!" AluKame Snapped
"...What does THAT have to do with anything?!" Mine yelled
"...Wait did she say sexually assault people?!" Bulat gasped
"D-D-D-D-D-D-Did she s-s-s-say RAPE?!" Sheele gasped
"Did she also mansion CRUSIFY?!" Lubbock yelled
"And also impale by stakes" Susanoo asked calmly
"...Please stop..." Akame pleaded, not being able to look at anyone in the eye.