I know. I know, and I'm sorry. Longer author note at the end.

Episode 5

"A Very Merry Un-birthday"

The next day found the twins sleeping in, so they were eating breakfast later than normal. It was made even more unusual when the Butler came in, interrupting them. "Good morning, children," he said as he entered. "I trust you slept well."

"Oh, yes, Mr. Zerimar, we did." Dipper answered, as the twins shared a look over their breakfast. "Um, why are you here?"

The Butler sighed and adjusted his tie. "Mr. Gleeful desires to be alone to be left to his own devices today, and as such I have been instructed to keep an eye on you both. To make sure you are out of the way."

"So you are our babysitter today," grumbled Dipper.

"Unfortunately for all of us, I am." He glanced about the room. "Do you children have enough things to keep you occupied for several hours? I want to make sure you two are busy enough to not cause trouble for Mr. Gleeful. Do you need some other mindless device entertain you? Maybe a television or a game system?"

"We are fine, no thank you," Mabel said hurriedly, before Dipper could snap something.

"Well, then. If you need anything, send the demon." He paused in the act of closing the door. "But only send him if you truly need something important." With that, he quickly shut the door and locked it.

The twins watched the door moodily for a moment before turning back to breakfast. "Well, isn't this fantastic," grumbled Dipper as he ate his toast.

"Oh, calm down, Dipper," Mabel said soothingly. "We didn't have anything important to do today anyway. You have your studies, and I don't really feel like going out with my friends anyway. Not after last night," she sighed.

"Don't tell me you are still upset over him?"

"I just don't understand it, is all. How can that little nobody not be impressed by us?"

"He's impossible, that's why. Forget him."

"That girl is even more so." Mabel's tone turned dark. "I wish I cut her blonde hair when I had the chance. Dump, blonde dork, what does Gideon see in her?" As Will moved forward to take the dishes, he caught her attention. "Cipher, do you know why Grunkle wants to be alone today. What is he working on?"

"Oh, nothing, Mistress."

Dipper put down his coffee and narrowed his eyes. "Don't 'nothing, Mistress' us. You had better tell us, Cipher." He leaned back and rubbed his fingers together.

"Master, it's really nothing," Will said hurriedly. "He's not working today."

Mistress turned to face him more. "Really? Why?"

"Headmaster never works today. It's his birthday, and he—"

"What!" Master's voice had jumped several octaves in his shriek.

"It's Headmaster's birthday: June 15th. Of course, it's not just his birthday. He shares it with—" Will was cut off as he was suddenly slapped hard from Master. He tumbled backward from the table. Master stood over him, eyes narrowed, hands clenched into fists, and breathing heavily. Mabel still sat at the table, watching in interest. It wasn't often that Dipper lost his temper.

"You knew about this and you never thought to mention it before now," Master glared down his nose at Will. "You unproductive, impractical, ineffective, empty-headed excuse for an all-knowing, all-powerful entity."

Mabel slow applauded from where she sat. "I'm impressed you said all that without a thesaurus."

"Master, I'm sorry. I—I didn't know." He searched Master's eyes for pity or forgiveness. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean—" He cut off with a scream, as Master snapped his fingers. Instantly, the chains on his wrist became charged with electricity, shocking and burning his wrists. He sobbed brokenly as he clawed at his manacles, trying uselessly to get them off. He knew that he couldn't remove them, but he was desperate to stop the pain.

Dipper turned back to Mabel, who was completely unmoved by her brother's actions. "We need to find the perfect gift for Great Uncle. We need to try to win his favor by any means possible." Both twins ignored their demon slave writhing in agony and sobbing on the floor.

"You forget, Brother, that we are currently locked in our room. And we will have to ditch our 'babysitter' as well."

"Shouldn't be that hard. Not with his help." Dipper snapped his fingers again, ending Will's torment. "Hear that, Cipher? You have chance to redeem yourself."

"Yes, Master, whatever you need." Will sat up on his knees, and wiped his face with his still-twitchy hands.

Master rolled his eyes. "Don't be a baby, Cipher. It wasn't that bad." He walked forward to Will and motioned for him to hold up his hands. Will reluctantly did, and Master placed one of his over them and clutched his amulet with the other. As Master allowed some of his magic to flow into Will, the twitching and spazzing went away, but the pain still lingered. "Remember, Cipher, it can always be worst."

"Yes, Master," Will agreed quickly, his voice thick. It could, indeed, be worse.

Sometime later found the twins, gently floating down the mansion walls. Dipper had his journal in his hand, as he clutched his amulet. Mabel clutched his arm and her own amulet as she descended. Will floated above and behind them. It was surprisingly easy to escape from a second-story locked and barred window, if you know magic and a dream demon. Will was pretty sure that the Butler wouldn't know that they were gone for a couple of hours yet, but he didn't want to mention it right now.

"So what are we going to get Grunkle for his birthday?" Mabel said as she walked next to her brother.

"No idea, but it has to be amazing." Dipper flipped through his journal. "What does Great Uncle Ford want more than anything in the world?"

"Power and recognition of his greatness," Will responded without hesitation. He flinched as both twins turned to look at him. "I—I've been inside his mind," he answered the unasked question.

"Well, we can't really give him that. Yet." Dipper turned to look back through the journal. "What is the second-best thing?"

"We could get him something to wear. A new tie or pair of gloves maybe."

"He could get that himself. I want something special."

"And by 'special', you mean 'magical'." Mabel sighed. "It's not going to be an easy magical gift, is it? It's going to be really hard, like weremaid hair, or unicorn blood, or—"

"A girlfriend," Dipper said, still flipping through the journal. He was so focused that he didn't notice that Mabel and Will both had stopped following him.

"Dipper. Please tell me you are joking." Dipper turned to glance back at her and saw that they had stopped. He turned back and shut the journal.

"No, I'm not. Grunkle Ford references several times in this journal how he wishes girls would notice him."

"Master, you realize Headmaster wrote that Journal years ago, when he was a much younger man," Will said timidly. "I don't know if he would want one now."

"One is never too old for love, Cipher." Mistress's voice had taken on a dreamy quality. "Think about it. He is old, but he is aging well. He is a genesis, rich, and well-dressed. I bet any number of girls would want to go out with him."

Will looked back and forth between them. Did they just forget what had happened with Gideon? "Um, Master and Mistress, are you sure this is a good idea?"

Both twins looked at him. "Are you questioning us, Cipher?" Master demanded. Will lowered his eyes.

"No, Master, I wouldn't dare."

"Good." He reached out and griped Will's hand. "I don't want to walk the whole way to town. Teleport us." Mabel grasped Will's other hand. With a sigh, Will closed his eyes and focused.

Will followed a respectful distance behind the twins and they walked through the hick town of Gravity Falls. For such a small town, Will was surprised how no one seemed to notice anything odd. He was sure the town folk had to have seen some of the odd creatures of the area, but no one had ever reported it. Will wondered if it was because everyone who did notice, had enough sense to move away. Maybe everyone here was too oblivious or stupid to notice. Maybe that's why no one had ever asked him about his blue hair. Walking through the town was slow going though. Mainly because the twins were constantly being greeted by adoring fans and, in Mistress's case, admirers.

"See, Mabel," Dipper said once they had excused themselves from a throng of attractive boys. "You don't need that boy," no one asked who he was referring to. "You can have any boy in town."

"It's not a matter of need, it's a matter of what. And I want him for my boyfriend. Like I said, it's a matter of pride now," she huffed. "Besides, we aren't focusing on me today, we are looking for the perfect girlfriend for Grunkle Ford."

"This is going to be harder then I originally thought." Dipper raised a skeptical eyebrow as he looked around. "There just aren't any girls who are good enough for our Grunkle." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a notebook. "She would have to be beautiful, rich, famous, intelligent—"

Mabel groaned. "Oh no, Bro-bro, did you make a list?!"

"Oh course, Sister dear. Otherwise, how will we know when we have found the perfect woman?"

Mabel groaned again. "You are making this boring! It's supposed to be true love, and you can't make a list for true love." She turned to Will, with a pouting expression. "Tell him, Cipher, that he is being a bore."

Well, crap, to use the human slang. Will absolutely hated it when the twins tried to pit him against the other. It never solved anything, and he always ended up getting hurt in the process. He thought frantically, as Dipper turned around and raised one eyebrow at him. "Um, it can't hurt to narrow down the possibilities for true love." Will said slowly, trying to compromise for both of them. He felt like he was walking on one of Mistresses' dagger's edge. "True Love is supposed to be a magical and special connection between two people, but because you only have this one day to find her; a list could help narrow the odds of finding her in the next couple of hours."

"Fine," Mabel sniffed at Dipper's triumphant smirk, and turned around in a huff. "it's making this not nearly as fun though. Let's check the mall; the odds of finding someone on Bro-bro's stupid list are higher."

Dipper and Mabel sat at one of the tables in the mall, as they watched people go by. This wasn't a perfect solution, because people still stopped to ask them for autographs, but it allowed them to see more people at once.

Dipper had a bunch of notes in front of him and his list. He was carefully comparing the two. Mabel sighed in boredom. This was supposed to be fun; they would find Grunkle a girlfriend, the two would go on wonderful and amazing dates, kiss under the stars, fall in love, and eventually ask her to be a flowergirl at their wedding. Instead, Dipper had turned this whole romantic experience into some kind of nerd thing. This was not how she planned this to go.

"Mabel! Hi, Mabel!" Her thoughts were interrupted by two girls calling her name. She turned to see her two best friends, Candy and Grenda, waving and coming over. She thought back quickly, was she still mad at them? No, she guessed enough time had passed that she could be friends with them again. Besides, she was really, really bored.

"Hi, Candy, Grenda." She smiled as she greeted them.

Candy smiled, and pushed her round glasses up. "How are you doing? You and Mason?" she asked in a faint accent of her native, oriental tongue. Her eyes flicked briefly to Will, before ignoring him. He wasn't important anyway; he was just the Gleeful's 'foster care,' charity case.

Dipper sighed and shot an annoyed glance at Candy. "I've told you; call me Dipper. I hate my name."

"Ya, Candy," Grenda said harshly in her deep female voice, while 'playfully' shoving her. "He has told you that, like, a million times."

"But Mason is a good name," Candy said while blushing slightly, but turned away, busying herself with her smartphone.

"Enough about him, he is being boring." Mabel said decidedly. Dipper snorted in disgust and gave his notes his full attention. "We are on a mission, and you two girls can help me."

"With what?" they both cried.

"True Love," Mabel said dreamily. All three girls sighed in unison.

"Aww, Mabel, I'm so glad you are moving on from Gideon, " Grenda began, but Mabel cut her off.

"We aren't talking about me, and I'm certainly not talking about him." She tossed her hair over her shoulder. "We are talking about my Grunkle Ford."

Both girls looked at Mabel in confusion. "Your Great Uncle?" Candy asked uncertainty.

"But he is so old!" Grenda added.

"One is never too old for True Love," Mabel repeated confidently.

"Alright then, how do we go about it," Grenda said, with her hands on her hips. Mabel had clearly made up her mind so there was not much else to discuss. Grenda was a woman of action, not words.

"We need to find a perfect woman for Grunkle Ford." She shot Dipper a look. "Dipper has made a list, but that is super boring and dull."

"What is on the list, Ma—I mean Dipper," Candy asked timidly, starting to type into her phone. "I'll search the characteristics you desire.

Mabel huffed in annoyance and rolled her eyes. "Now you both are being boring."

"Ignore Mabel," Dipper said hurriedly, and begin to read off his list. "Beautiful, rich, famous, intelligent, good fashion sense, attentive, clean, good heritage—"

Will looked around the mall while the twins were busy. He wasn't allowed out much, and he wanted to enjoy his time outside of the mansion as much as he could. Something unusual (which was saying something, considering this was the town of Gravity Falls), caught his eye. It was a man walking backwards in the mall. He was walking backwards in a way, so only his left side was showing…

Will stretched out with his magic and felt a familiar sensations surrounding That Guy. Will felt his lips turn up slightly in a smile, before letting his face fall back into a normal expression. He turned to Mistress.

"Mistress, can I go look in that store window?" He pointed to the store that "That Guy" had stopped in front of.

Mistress looked extremely bored, while Master and her friends were going on about something. She lazily glanced over to the store that Cipher was pointing at. It was some nerd game store. "I don't know, Cipher, can you?" she responded.

"Um, I think so," Will suddenly felt very unsure about his ability to do so. "I have legs?"

Mabel huffed loudly, drawing a quick look from the others. "'May I', stupid, it's 'may I go to the store'. And yes, you might as well go, just be glad Grunkle Ford didn't hear you just now."

"Yes, Mistress, thank you." Mabel rolled her eyes, as Will hurried away.

Will approached That Guy cautiously. He didn't want to spook him. He tried to sneak peeks at his other side without being overly obvious about it. When he was close enough, he leaned forward just far enough to be able to see the right side. It was incredible, from the corner of his eye, That Guy looked normal, with a right and left side. It was only when you really forced yourself to look, that Will could see that there was no actual right side.

Instead, it was a Lefty Robot, filled with 16 little creatures. They were all so busy, watching monitors and regulating systems, that they hadn't noticed Will looking—a really looking—at them.

Will felt himself smile again. "Hello, LGMs," he said friendly.

As one, the whole group gasped and in shock and horror. "We're blown, guys!" one of them cried. "Shut it down, a human has discovered us!"

"Woah, hang on, I'm not a real human," Will said quickly, as they all started panicking. "Check your scopes, I'm not a true human."

They paused, staring at Will suspiciously, but none of them looked too thrilled on swallowing the glowing red cubes that they all had pulled from somewhere.

"McKeon, check your monitor." The LGM spoke with authority, so he must be the leader of the group.

After a few tense seconds, the second one piped up. "He's telling the truth, Sir. His magic aura is way too high to be a human. He's closer to the Dream Hipster ghost category."

"Please," huffed Will. "I am a Dream Demon."

The leader sniffed condescendingly. "A Dream Demon, huh? Why do you have a physical form then?"

Will sighed. "Humans." He said it like it explained everything. "But if you are so worried about being discovered by humans, why did you only build half a robot? Or at least equip it with better cloaking technology?"

The leader looked insulted, but before he could answer, one of the others—McKeon—piped up. "Budget cuts."

Will's eyebrows drew together in confusion. "Your government would rather have a suicide pack then build the other half of the robot?

The leader looked insulted again. "Look, Demon, no one asked you to critique our work. You can go back to haunting, or possessing, or whatever it was you were doing."

Will held up his hands in a calming gesture. "I just wanted to say 'hello'. I don't get to talk to other creatures often." He turned to the store front. He pointed to one of the board games in the Window. "Headmaster—I mean, I know a human who liked to play that game a lot."

"Why? It looks really complicated."

"Oh, it is, but he loved it." That gave Will an idea. He shot a look over his shoulder, back at Master, Mistress and her friends. They were all arguing about something now. If he was quick, he didn't think that they would notice. "I'll be right back."

He darted into the store, grabbed the board game, and almost ducked back out again, but he remembered humans insisted on you giving them green paper for stuff. It was considered customary and very rude to ignore it. They tended to scream and chase you if you didn't. He turned back to the owner, who was staring and shouted "The Gleeful Twins need this, call the Butler and 'put it on the bill,' please and thank you and bye!" He darted back out.

"What was that all about?" one of the LGMs asked.

"A way for me to get back into good graces." Will hugged the game to his chest. "I shouldn't push my luck, I should go now. But, McKeon?" Will paused and leaned around the side to look at him again. "Are you sure you should be involved in something like this? You have a family after all. Just a thought," Will called as he turned and headed back to his Master and Mistress.

"What do you have there, Cipher?" Mistress was sulking, she must have lost whatever she and Master were arguing about.

"I found a present for Headmaster." Will held it out for her to see.

Mistress leaned over, interested. "You sure? It doesn't really look like something he would like. That unicorn is not accurately drawn at all. Obnoxious, self- righteous creatures. But that hot elf has potential, at least."

Master glanced up at her words and his eyes lit up when he saw the game. "Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons? I have wanted to try that game for forever now."

"What is it?"

"A fantasy talking, level counting, statistics, and graph-paper involving game."

Mistress scrunched up her nose in disgust. "Eww, so it's some dumb nerd game disguised as fun."

Master ignored her entirely. He took from Will, looking at it in interest. "Are you sure Grunkle Ford will like it?"

"Yes, absolutely. It might even be his most favorite game in this whole dimension."

"Well, this quest for a magical artifact is going nowhere and I want an excuse to play the game anyway. Mabel, are we in agreement?"

Mabel sighed dramatically. "Well, if everyone is against my true love plan, the nerd game gets us back home that much sooner. So the game works for me."

Once, Master and Mistress were back home (and safely back in their 'locked' room), Master used his magic to perfectly wrap the present. "Go see if Great Uncle Ford can see us. I don't like to go through the Butler like a child."

"Yes, Master." Will teleported to Headmaster's study.

Headmaster was in a brooding mood. "Go away, Will, I want to be alone," he warned as soon as Will appeared.

"But, Headmaster, Master and Mistress have a gift for you," Will said nervously. He didn't want to disappoint Master, but he certainly didn't want to displease Headmaster either. "Please, Headmaster, they are really excited." He almost lost his nerve entirely, when Headmaster gave him a glare. "Please…I swear you will like it."

Headmaster gave a deep sigh. "If you swear it, then so be it. I'll send the Butler to go get them."

"Yes, Sir, thank you. They will be so pleased." Will teleported away, before he had a chance to change his mind.

"He will see you," Will announced as soon as he was back. "The Butler is on his way."

"Perfect," Master said. "Go to your cage, Cipher."

"Oh, but Master, I was hoping I could come too, because the gift was my idea…." his voice trailed off.

"Precisely. I don't want you stealing the credit. Don't forget, Cipher, you are trying to pay us back for your earlier blunder. You want us to forgive you, don't you?"

"Yes, Master," Will said, "very much so."

"Then do as we say, and get in your cage."

Mistress tossed her hair over her shoulder, already bored. "You are making a big deal out of nothing, Dipper. If the demon is wrong," Will winced, "we can always go back to my True Love plan."

"Oh, he better not be wrong about this," Master muttered.

"Don't worry, Master," Will answered confidently. He was sure about this. "He will love it; I can feel it."

"Oh, you will feel it alright, if he isn't as happy about it as you predict he will," Master threatened. "That's another reason why I want you in your cage; I want to know exactly where you are at, if you are wrong."

Master's threat was cut short as the Butler arrived just then, looking annoyed. "Mr. Gleeful will give you both a few minutes of his time. Come along now." Master and Mistress followed him out, leaving Will to wait anxiously. He was sure he was right, but that didn't take away his unease. As the minutes ticked by though, and no one returned right away (and nothing bad suddenly happened to him, trapped in his cage), his anxiety calmed somewhat. The longer the time went, the more calm he felt.

Eventually, Mistress came back up, but the only thing she said to him on the way to her room was "I don't know what's more annoying; the fact that you were right or that they will be playing that stupid game for hours," before she huffed into her room. Will just breathed a sigh of relief.

AN: I know it's been forever since I last updated, and for that, I am sorry. I got stuck in this loop of trying to make it perfect, because I hadn't updated in so long, that it just become so associated with guilt and with such bad vibes, that I couldn't work on it anymore. I almost deleted the whole thing out of guilt, but I just felt like that was worst, so I left it up. I felt like my followers/readers deserved better.

And then 2020 happened. Which was an utter garbage year, so I really couldn't work on it then.

But I'm in a much better place, mentally and emotionally, so when I realized the 10 year anniversary for the show was coming up, I decided I could work on this again. And I was always amazed at the support this fic gets! Even during 2020 (spit on that year), people were still following and favoriting and leaving beautiful reviews. For all of you, I am truly thankful for your love of this fic and support. Even now, I am shocked at many views this fic gets!

So...I don't know how much or often I can update (I know better then to make any promises now), but I'm not finished with it. Even when I felt like I couldn't work on it, I still liked it, and wanted to finish it at some point. So just know, that I will get to it when I can. And thank you again for reading this, and staying with me.

Also, I know this chapter is mainly filler, but there are many important details that are thrown in. Plus, I really needed to introduce the "side-characters."

Mr. Zerimar/Soos: there is not a lot out there about Reverse Soos. Some different headcannons have him work for the Pines instead of the Gleefuls But I consider him a part of the cannon Pines family so I kept him with them. His reverse last name is his cannon name spelled backwards, which I think is just kinda fun.

Grenda and Candy: there is less about these two, then there is about Soos. So I took a lot of freedom with them. I need to introduce them before the "Double Dipper" episode (so much is gonna happen in that chapter).

Again, thank you so much for reading/following/favoriting/ and reviewing this story. I appreciate each and every one of you!