CHAPTER TWO

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My phone continues to vibrate as I drive along, completely ignoring the piece of technology as it shakes its way around my passenger's seat, my eyes feel very tired and sore, the amount of tears I've spilt probably having a lot to do with that. Pulling into the car park of a gas station I duck in and collect a couple of bottles of water and a sandwich that I'm not sure I'll even eat.

While I'm at the counter I hear the rumble of bikes coming down the road and a quick glance confirms it's the 5 I've just left behind. Shoving my change in my pocket I wait till the tail end bike is out of view before I head back to my car and continue my drive.

I'm not sure if I should be surprised when I pull into my driveway and spot Al sitting on the front step. I'm glad it's not Gemma or Donna though, so I guess a small mercy has been granted to me in that aspect.

Collecting my purchases and the still periodically vibrating cell phone I climb out of the car and lock it behind me.

"What?" I ask, walking across the grass and up the stairs.

"Wanna tell me what happened?" Al asks, jumping to her feet.

"Nope." I reply, unlocking the door and stepping inside, the smell of wood and glue like a smack in the face.

Al pushes past me and grabs hold of my arm, forcing me to stop. "Well then should I tell you what happened after you left?"

I shake my head, yanking my arm from her grasp I go to what was going to be my living room and sit on one of the over turned crates from the wiring spools. "Not really interested." I say, opening one of the bottles of water I've carried inside.

Al looks at me as she leans against the wall and slides down it, landing on her backside on the floor. "You are interested, and you need to know."

I swallow a few mouthfuls of the water and look sceptically at the sandwich before tossing it back into the bag with a quiet rustle of plastic. "Why do I need to know? There's nothing that you can tell me that will make the amount I'm hurting any less."

Al looks at me for a second before pulling her knees up and resting her chin on them. "You need to shut the fuck up and listen to me Sarah."

I feel my eyes widen at how angry Al sounds and I just nod, twisting the plastic ring around the top of my water bottle.

Al takes a deep breath and starts speaking; her artistic talent always helped her paint pictures with words as well as ink so I know I'll get as much detail as she can remember. "When you left the whole place just went silent, the sound of your tires being almost shredded as you pulled onto the street was so loud it was like you were in the room with us. No one could even work out what had happened when Jax started yelling from behind the closed doors, unlike whatever you had all said before we could actually hear every word that he said."

She meets my eyes, "He told Clay that he'd leave Charming if it was going to be a big deal for him, but that you'd be going with him, he said that it had taken him years to realise what everyone kept trying to tell him, that you were the other half of him."

My eyes are firmly fixed on her as she speaks, "He said you were the person he wanted in his life. I guess Clay said something, we never figured out what it was cause Jax just screamed that he loves you. Clay came out not that much later and as he was going to Gemma Jax came out the door and laughed; it wasn't a funny laugh at all, but the kind that makes you want to cry for the pain you know he's feeling. He called Clays name and said 'I love her like you love my mother, and you want me to ignore that cause you don't like it?' Donna kept looking at the door like you were about to come back in but that one sentence brought everyone's attention back to Clay."

I swallow a bit more of the water in my bottle and continue to ignore the rattling sound my phone's making as Al smiles at me. "Gemma flipped out, completely. I've never seen someone so angry, if it wasn't for the room full of people I'm sure she would have castrated Clay where he stood but all she kept asking was 'What did you do?' He couldn't answer so Jax told her, and all of us, that he'd said he couldn't give the pair of you the blessing that you needed. She completely flipped out, so did Donna. Between the pair of them I'm sure they called him every name under the son. Opie just about decked him, it was only Tig and Happy that stopped him from throwing a punch. I don't know how Jax didn't take the first swing."

She stops talking for a second, leaning over and snagging one of the bottles from the bag, cracking the top and taking several long swallows. "It took a second before I realised why Clay was still standing. Jax didn't have it in him to punch him. Even with how much Clay had obviously hurt you both there was something in Jax that helped him keep his composure."

I wipe a stray tear from my eye as she smiles sadly at me, "So what are we doing now?"

I shrug, "I'm not sure what I'm doing. You don't need to do anything, stay here with Juice. Be happy." I stutter on the last word and lean back to look at the ceiling, to gather my thoughts, and stop more tears following the lone trail.

My phone vibrates again and Al leans over to and picks it up off the floor. Flicking it open she glances at the screen before looking up at me, "It's Jax."

I shake my head, "I can't."

"Can't what?" A voice sounds from the door and I turn my head to see Gemma standing in the doorway.

"I can't talk to Jax and pretend that I'm going to be okay. I can't talk to Jax and tell him that we can forget what happened, either last night or this morning. I can't be the reason the club falls apart. I can't be the reason that Jax and Clay loose the bond they've formed over so many years." My voice drops to a half volume, "I can't be in the same town as Jax knowing that every day I'll have to see him moving on with his life. I can't watch him fall in love with someone else. I can't watch someone be Abel's Mommy while trying to hide that I wish it was me."

I look down at my hands and sniff softly and it takes a second before the sound of footsteps moving across the floor sinks into my brain but when they appear in my line of sight I shake my head. "Go away Jax. I just said why I can't, why are you here?" The trademark white sneakers poking from the bottom of his frayed jeans give away his identity almost as much as the smell that creeps into my nose.

Squeezing my eyes tightly closed as he drops to a crouch in front of me I barely hear anything else but the creak of leather and the clink of his wallet chain sliding off his leg.

"Look at me. Please." He whispers, his breath fanning over my face.

I shake my head violently, my hair wrapping around my neck as I do, "I can't." I'm not sure if he hears the softly whispered reply.

The rustle of moving material is the only warning I have before he wraps his hands around my upper arms and jerks me to my feet. "Sarah, open your eyes."

I stubbornly shake my head and try to raise my hands to my face; my forearms hit his elbows before they make it even half way up.

Dropping my head so I'm looking at the floor I slowly open my eyes, running my gaze up the length of his body from his feet to his arms to his face I bite the edge of my tongue so I don't burst into tears ago. He's holding me barely 6 inches from him, if I inhaled deep enough my chest would brush his.

His gaze searches mine, spending minutes just staring at me before a loud throat clearing has him blinking. "Right." He turns to the side and I spot the other person who came into the room.

"What do you want Mr Morrow?" I snap I know I'm treading on thin ice but I don't really care.

Clay's gaze doesn't change but he does chuckle, "I deserved that. Can we talk?"

I shrug, "We are."

"I meant alone. Come outside with me?" Clay asks, turning towards the door and pulling a partially smoked cigar out of his pocket.

I meet Al's eyes and she nods as she jumps to her feet. I cross to her first and give her a hug, "I know this was your doing, letting them all in here."

She shrugs, "Just doing what Juice asked."

I shake my head, "You'll make a great Old Lady for him, when he asks."

She shoves me towards the door, "No stalling, go talk to him."

I sigh and gather whatever strength I have left for the conversation I'm about to have.