Tonight, I watch the lights go out in your house,
wondering how I could get so deep,
and you could still get sleep,
in vain, I blame my trembling on the cold air,
but I can't hide that I've relied on you,
like yellow does on blue
And you're my good feeling,
I'm kneeling inside her room,
she paints me blue,
and you are my reason for breathing,
inside her room, she paints me blue again
She Paints Me Blue- Something Corporate
"Don't fuck this up again, man."
Nathan turns around to face the voice that broke him out of his daze. After Haley left, he didn't have the energy to do anything other than stand frozen in the space he occupied. He had expelled it all in his speech to her and so now he stood completely drained. This was supposed to work. But it didn't. She left, yet again. Nathan had no back up plans for this. He made his grand gesture. What else could he do? Haley just didn't want him. He had to face the facts.
"I'm serious," Damien started again, "If you don't play your hand right, I don't know that you'll ever get her back."
Nathan let out a bitter laugh at that. Because isn't this the game he's been playing ever since Haley walked back into his life?
Nathan was ready to say something in that respect right back to Damien, but it felt too much like giving up. Even though he felt like he already exhausted all of his options, he knows Haley is worth every last effort. So instead he bit his tongue and asked for help.
Nathan shook his head, rubbing the heels of both hands on his eyes, "What am I supposed to do? I just don't know her as well as I used to. I can't read her, man. I have no idea what she wants."
Nathan rubbed his eyes harder as he started to feel the moisture collect on his hands in a desperate attempt to hold back the tears.
Damien sighed. There was a lot he disliked about Nathan, but this wasn't just about Nathan. He would always do whatever was best for Haley.
"You just need to be there for her. She's been through so much shit recently and nothing's been consistent for her, she's had no one to rely on. You haven't been reliable."
Nathan scoffed, but Damien held his hand up at him, in absolutely no mood to hear any defense from Nathan.
"I'm not saying this to hurt you," Damien continued, "I'm just telling you where she's coming from. You've been letting her down the whole time she was in North Carolina and then she gave you one final chance when you were leaving, and you blew that too. Her guard is up, what do you expect?"
Nathan nodded slowly, "Yeah, I, uh, I get that. I know I suck. But I do want to fix it. How do I do that?"
"Go after her, Nathan. Don't give up on her when it's hard. She doesn't want space; she wants to know that she's worth the effort for you. That you'll be there for her even when it's inconvenient. You need to prove that to her."
Nathan didn't look convinced.
"I don't know about that. You're telling me she's not just going to yell at me and turn away the second I go up to her again?"
Damien shrugged, "I don't know. She might. Keep pushing, though. She's worth the fight."
"I know that," Nathan responded curtly.
"Then why are you still here, talking to me?" Damien asked, while gesturing to the back door that Haley had slipped out from.
Nathan nodded again. He went to turn away to follow Haley's path, but paused before he got too far. He turned back toward Damien, who was looking at him expectantly.
"You are wrong. She has had someone to rely on and it's been you. So, uh, thanks for that. For being a good friend when I couldn't be. And for the advice now. I'm really glad she has you," Nathan explained.
Damien smiled in appreciation, before once again gesturing to the backdoor. Nathan turned back and didn't pause on his pursuit to the door this time.
Once he walked through the door, he didn't have to search for long to find Haley. She was just across the back porch, hunched over the ledge with both hands holding tight onto the railing and breathing deeply. He took a hesitant step toward her, not wanting to do anything that may upset her further.
He didn't like how she was standing. She looked sad, sure. That he was used to. But she also looked defeated. Like she was done, most probably with him.
The look she gave him when she finally registered his company did not help at all to alleviate his concern. She barely reacted to his presence. She'd checked out. Nathan swallowed his unease and took a small step toward her. When he saw she wasn't going to yell at him to get away at the moment, he took a deep breath and quickly closed the distance between them before he could talk himself out of it. Damien was right. He needed to act.
Haley wiped her eyes before taking a deep breath of her own and turning to face him head on, her hip leaning against the railing. She didn't say anything but looked up at him expectantly. He took that as a good sign and forged ahead.
Nathan opened his mouth to start his speech, but quickly shut it again. He didn't know what to say. He already put his heart out on the line. He knew he only had one more shot at this. He wished he'd taken a second to prepare an outline or to write something down.
He looked at Haley, hoping she may take the reins and start the conversation he didn't know how to start but she just continued to look at him expectantly, refusing to let him off the hook so quickly.
"I'm sorry, Haley," Nathan started, but stopped once Haley scoffed and turned back away from him to once again face the backyard.
"What? What's wrong with 'I'm sorry'?" Nathan asked, getting quite exasperated himself.
Haley turned back to him quickly when she heard his tone, ready to defend herself against him and once again wiping away the tears she just couldn't seem to get under control.
"There's nothing wrong with an apology, Nathan, when you mean it. And when it isn't the only thing you're ever saying to me. Christ…" Haley shook her head, in utter disbelief of what their relationship has come to.
She let out a defeated sigh before she continued, "Don't you ever get tired of this, Nathan? This back and forth with us is just so exhausting. It's wearing me out. I don't know how much more of this I can take, honestly. Do you even know what you're apologizing for?"
Nathan swallowed back his own tears. Truth be told he was tired of it. He doesn't understand how their relationship deteriorated so quickly. One day it just began falling apart through the cracks in his fingers and he could just never get a good enough grasp on it, no matter how hard he tried. And she is right, it is exhausting, trying to shuffle through the remains of this relationship and trying to scrap the good parts back together. But he didn't travel across the country because he thought it wasn't worth it. Because at the end of the day, loving her was the only thing he could focus on.
"I am tired of it. But I feel like I need to keep saying it because we never seem to be able to have a real conversation about it. We keep getting interrupted. I want you to hear my full apology and I want to hear if you accept it or not. I want to have a real talk about everything, not an argument. Can we do that, Haley? Please? Give it one last shot? If it doesn't work this time…" Nathan paused to compose himself, not sure of how much he wanted to propose what he was about to but promising it regardless, "If it doesn't work this time, then I'll stop trying to make it work. I'll leave you alone to live your life happily, without me. I promise."
Haley looked down at her feet as she wiped away her tears that just seemed to start flowing harder. This drama with Nathan has been extremely hard on her, but the idea of him actually not ever being a part of her life was beyond terrifying.
After taking a second to compose herself, she finally met Nathan's eyes. He looked more desperate than she'd ever seen him before. Without really thinking about it, she nodded. Nathan visibly calmed in front of her, his shoulders slouching and his jaw relaxing. Her chest tightened in the way he looked so vulnerable in front of her in that moment. So reliant on her to relieve him of his stress. So anxious to make sure she was happy, and they were good. So much like the little boy she used to know. She instantly knew why she nodded without really considering. It's because saying no to him, to them, was never an option.
"Let's talk," She confirmed, "Do you have a hotel? I'd rather be somewhere private."
Nathan instantly perked up and nodded frantically, "Yeah, definitely. I got a rental car; I'm honestly feeling pretty sober at this point, but maybe you can drive us there to be safe?"
Haley couldn't help but let out a small chuckle at Nathan's sudden enthusiasm, "Sure, that sounds great. Let me just go tell Damian I'm leaving. I'll meet you out front?"
"Yeah, totally. Sounds perfect," Nathan replied.
They split up momentarily, each taking their time alone to compose themselves. Nathan tried to taper the spark of hope that was currently burning deep inside of him, not wanting to get too ahead of himself for what could come of their discussion. It was a hard feat. They hadn't really talked yet, but something already seemed different. He couldn't wait to get back to the hotel room and finally have some time for just him and Haley to be him and Haley. It was about time.
++++++++++++++++She Paints Me Blue++++++++++++++
The ride to Nathan's hotel is mostly silent, both passengers knowing that the real conversation shouldn't start until they're in the room. It's an easy silence though, comfortable in the way it used to be when they would sit together in Haley's room after school, doing homework. Happy to be together no matter what they were doing.
It isn't long before they finally get to Nathan's hotel. Nathan makes quick work of unlocking the door with his key card and opening it for Haley to enter first. He closes and bolts the door before turning back around to face Haley. She's walking slowly into the space while looking all around, conducting a thorough examination of the room. Nathan can't help but smile at her. It was an extremely generic room: two queen sized beds, a TV atop a dresser, a desk, and an armchair. She finally stopped when she had nowhere else to go and quickly turned around to face Nathan. She confirmed what he knew to be true when she wiped both palms on her jean-clad thighs and wouldn't make eye contact with him. She was once again nervous.
Nathan took one step into the room then stopped, leaning against the wall furthest from her. He smiled softly at her when she finally managed to look up at him. His heart swelled. He thought he'd be freaking out at this point, just as she seemed to be. But he wasn't. The static change he started to feel back at the party remained in the hotel room. The charge was palpable—he felt light. What was there to be nervous about? It was just him and Haley. It was that simple.
Haley, of course, easily picked up on Nathan's shift. She laughed nervously, crossing her arms over her chest, not knowing what to do with herself with this sudden change in dynamic. Her anger had dissipated somewhere between the start of their outdoor conversation at the party and the time they got to this hotel room, that's for sure. She couldn't quite pinpoint why or when the change had occurred though, and that put her a bit on edge. Especially when the rather frequently emotional Nathan she'd recently come to know had somehow become calm and collected.
"What's got you so relaxed?" Haley finally asks, no longer able to take the weighted silence filling the room.
Nathan doesn't answer and after a moment she looks back up at him. He's just smiling at her, a real, genuine smile she hasn't seen on him in a long time.
"I don't know," he starts, more confident now that she's looking at him, "I'm just feeling happy, Haley. It feels really good to be with you."
Haley quickly diverts her eyes from Nathan's, feeling uncomfortable from his undivided attention and blunt responses. She wasn't used to this Nathan. He'd been so reserved when she first met him again in Tree Hill before he recognized her and then all communication between them since has been a complete train wreck. But right now, he had no guards up, nothing to hide. He was truly being open with her.
Even though she looked away quickly, Nathan was still easily able to see the blush that spread across Haley's cheeks at his words. He took a small step toward her, feeling a magnetic pull to be near her but not wanting to get too close. They still had a conversation to get through.
Though he didn't want to break the solemn silence, he knew it was time to begin talking. For all the times he'd previously fumbled over what to say to Haley, his current path was suddenly clear to him. It was time to put aside any shame or pride or whatever that's prevented him from just being honest. He was ready to truly speak from his heart.
"I know that you're tired of hearing this Haley, but I am sorry. For everything. For all the mistakes I've made ever since you've known me. Because I wasn't ever perfect. Not when we were kids, either. I relied on you too much. I was overbearing. You were an amazing friend, always there for me, even when you shouldn't have been. And I took you for granted, even back then."
Nathan paused to take a deep breath. It did feel good to start getting all of this out in the open, but the act of it was still taxing, nonetheless.
He chanced a glance up at Haley and found her brown eyes staring right at him, shining with unshed tears and open wider than ever.
"You don't need to apologize for that, Nathan. I never felt like that, like you were a burden, I promise. I loved being your family when we were younger. It was everything," Haley assured.
Nathan shook his head in disagreement, "No, I held you back. And I… it's hard to say this, Haley, but when I think of our relationship, and how it was when we were 11 and I was here, I just… I'm glad I left. I'm glad for you that I left. I can't even begin to imagine how much damage I would've caused you if I'd been here your whole life."
Haley resigned herself to the fact that there will be plenty of tears to be had this night and started to let hers flow freely. Nathan was looking down, scuffing his shoes uncomfortably on the carpet. Haley couldn't take all the pain he felt. All this pent-up guilt he must have stored away resurfacing and deeply affecting him. It had clearly been eating away at him and Haley couldn't handle that fact. She didn't feel anything that he'd concerned himself with.
She was silent for a moment longer, needing to find the exact words to say, needing to make sure it was crystal clear to Nathan that not an ounce of what he was saying resonated with her. Then she took a step closer to Nathan and spoke with the most conviction she could muster.
"Nathan. Please listen to me carefully. We've done a lot of terrible shit to each other these past few months. But I have never looked back on anything from our childhood with anything other than warmth. I'm not lying, Nathan."
Haley had made her case but could tell that Nathan wasn't convinced. He still wouldn't lift his gaze from the floor, and he was shaking slightly, Haley guessed from holding back his own tears.
So, she continued, "Did you ever think about why I came to you, Nathan? Why I would uproot my entire life and cross the country at the absolute lowest point of my life? It was for you. I needed you because even though you hadn't been in my life at that point for years, you were still my greatest source of comfort. Don't for a second think that I've ever regretted our friendship. I've never. It's the most important thing in the world to me, Nathan, I swear."
Nathan slowly looked up. He hadn't fully thought that through before. Always so stuck on what he was so sure what right that he hadn't considered that reality of what she was saying. He's been so mad at himself for always screwing up and not being good enough for Haley that he hadn't taken a second to realize that he was worthy of her. Just by virtue of being him. Just from the stability that their friendship has always provided both of them with, when all else failed.
Even if Nathan wasn't initially sure she was telling the truth he knew it immediately after taking one look at her. He was once again brought back to a younger Haley. One he would run across the street to after his dad screamed at him for whatever was pissing him off that time. He would cry to her, lament about how he was never good enough, and no one loved him. Haley would always quietly listen to him, hold him and wipe his tears. Then she'd grab his damp cheeks, look deep into his eyes and tell him that he was good enough for her and she loved him. She'd say it with such conviction that he never dared to argue against her. She's currently wearing that same look. The one compelling him to believe her despite his self-doubts. Her undeniable belief in him as a good person, as a person she loves and values, forcing him to see himself in the same light. He nods once in concession, not having grand enough words to properly respond.
He takes another step closer to Haley, feeling an overwhelming need to be close to her, to feel her comforting warmth radiating off of her skin. He stops before he gets too close, still a good yard away from each other.
He takes a deep breath before he starts again, "I'm sorry for everything, Haley. For not recognizing you, for being the worst fucking friend since then. For constantly screwing up. For not being there for you when you needed me like you always were for me. I hate the fact that I had the chance to repay you for always being there and I just couldn't get it right. Not once over the course of months. I hate myself for that, too. I'd always prided myself on being a good friend, but I was really just the worst. I am so sorry."
Haley offers him a lopsided smile. "I know you are, Nathan. I forgive you."
Nathan lets out a deep breath at that and feels something else within him thaw. Something he didn't know he was tense about relaxing instantly. He opens his mouth to thank her for her endless mercy when she continues first.
"And I'm sorry to," Haley begins.
Nathan is quick to shake his head and assure her that there is absolutely nothing that she needs to apologize to him for, but Haley puts up her hand to indicate that she is set on finishing saying what she's started.
"I haven't been the greatest friend since I got to Tree Hill, either. I was so hung up on you not recognizing me. It really stung and I just let the pain of that supersede anything else. I was petulant and stubborn when I should've been more understanding. It's been years since I'd last seen you. We hadn't talked in all that time. We've both changed a lot, physically and emotionally. It was childish to hold that against you. We could've been in a much better place if I'd just forgiven you right away and given us a chance earlier," She finishes with a shrug, trying to play off the seriousness of her confession.
Nathan wasn't the only one that's been harboring some deep self-resentment. It's something Haley's thought of a lot, especially since being back in California. It frustrates her to think of how much time she wasted in Tree Hill just being mad at Nathan. That wasn't what she went there for. She's truly convinced things could have been so much different if she'd had the foresight to realize her parents would eventually come to take her back. If she knew she'd only have a limited amount of time to be with Nathan, she'd have forgiven him sooner and made their time together worth it.
It's Nathan's turn to be stunned by the other's confession. Sure, he'd been aggravated sometimes when it seemed like Haley wouldn't hear him out or make an attempt to forgive him. But he'd still never blamed her. He was the one that kept screwing up, no matter how many chances she did ultimately give him.
"Haley, I've never blamed you for that," he promises, "You were going through a lot of rough shit. It wasn't my right to be difficult for you. You went to Tree Hill so I could help you and I did the complete opposite. It's my fault."
Haley took a large step toward him and let out a self-deprecating laugh, "Fine, it's settled, we both suck."
Nathan laughed and nodded. He didn't really agree, felt he was definitely more to blame, and that Haley deserved way better than anything he had to offer her. However, he was certainly past the point of arguing with her anymore.
She was so close now that he could easily touch her. Could simply reach up his hand to trace her arm from her wrist to her shoulder and gently tuck her hair behind her ear. Without thinking much more of it, he did just that.
Haley was looking up at him with such reverence that he simply couldn't take it anymore, "Haley… about what I said tonight."
He saw something flash in her eyes. Not panic or regret like he'd expected, maybe something more like disappointment. Like she was mad he brought this up at all and she'd hoped they wouldn't have to talk about it.
Then she smiled quickly and brought her hand up to cover his own, which was still cupping her cheek, "Don't worry about it, Nathan. You were drunk and emotional, I get it."
Haley shrugged nonchalantly before pulling his hand away from her face. She was about to turn away from him and end this conversation, but Nathan was certainly not ready for it to end. He grabbed her elbow and twisted her back to face him once again.
He could feel his pulse racing and hesitated for a second before speaking. If there was one thing he learned tonight, it was that he could no longer take his time with Haley for granted and it was time that they were just completely honest and open with each other. They really had nothing else to lose at this point.
"I didn't say it because I'd been drinking, Haley. I said it because it's the truth. It's been the truth for way too long, to be honest. I am in love with you," he finishes as watches her close her eyes at his words.
She takes a moment to herself then opens up her eyes and wipes away the few tears that have once again fallen. It breaks Nathan's heart to think how many tears she's shed because of him, but the thought is fleeting when Haley slowly lifts both her hands and gently clasps them behind his neck.
Nathan instinctually places both his hands on her back and tugs her closer. Haley closes her eyes slowly and lifts herself up on her tiptoes to place a gentle kiss on his lips. It is short and sweet and everything Nathan's been desperate for.
When she pulls back and places her feet back flat on the ground, Nathan instantly follows her, resting his forehead against hers.
"Is—," Nathan has to stop to clear his throat, it suddenly feeling too dry, "Is there anything else you want to talk about?"
He didn't want to ruin the moment but needed to ask to make sure there was nothing more to say. He needed the air to be clear between them. He needed to be sure when he kissed her again it would be them starting something new together on a clean slate. He was desperate for it.
He felt Haley shake her head, her forehead rubbing gently against his, "I think everything's been said."
Nathan doesn't need any other confirmation. That is more than enough for him to close the gap between them once again.
+++++++++++++++ She Paints Me Blue +++++++++++++
Nathan sleeps peacefully that night. Definitely more peacefully than he's slept in years. Soothed, of course, by the warm body he's currently wrapped around, but also by the weight that's been lifted from his chest.
He's never really been one to lounge around in bed for long after waking up, but today he finds that he doesn't want to move a muscle. He's perfectly content to stay in bed for the rest of the day as long as he gets to stay as he is now; Haley's bare back against his naked chest, the sweet vanilla scent of her hair filling his nostrils with each inhale.
He can't stop looking at her. He can't see much considering she's pressed up against him, but he can see enough. Her hair splayed right in front of his face and her bare arms which are clutching his sheets up under her armpits. He keeps staring at every inch he can see because he can't believe this is real. Haley. His Haley. His best friend. His family.
He truly can't believe everything that transpired in the last 24 hours and how he'd ended up here, but he doesn't spend too much time thinking about it. It doesn't matter how they got here, all that matters is that they made it.
It isn't long before staring is no longer enough, and Nathan can't resist the urge to touch. Not wanting to wake her, he slowly reaches out his hand to trace down her arm. It's just a slight touch with one finger, but goosebumps immediately follow the path he traces. He can't help the smile that escapes him in response. He's never felt so utterly happy. So unburdened. Too overwhelmed with emotions, he no longer has any control of his hands and he slips his fingers in between hers too quickly.
Haley jerks in response, her fingers unwittingly tightening in his as she lifts her head and quickly scans her surroundings. He squeezes her hand back, trying to soothe her. It works. Haley instantly drops her head back to the pillow and turns to lie on her back. Their eyes meet right away, and she smiles shyly at him. Nathan lets out a small, nervous laugh as he lifts her hand to his mouth to place a soft kiss on her knuckles.
The air between them is buzzing with something hot but awkward. Nathan knows he should say something meaningful—something that will capture all he was feeling while he brushed his fingers down her arm, but he can't help but be distracted when he notices that the blanket has slipped down at some point during Haley's sudden movements.
The blanket is still preserving her modesty, but it's exposing more skin than he's used to and enough for it to be clear that she has nothing else on. He watches the skin of her chest flush a bright red color and can see the hand he's not currently holding flex with what he is sure is an urge to pull the blanket back up, but she refrains.
Out of sheer politeness, he forces his eyes back to hers. He expected a shy look, something hesitant and unsure but that is not what he gets. She looks happy, much to his relief, but also something else. Something maybe confident or determined? Something he can't quite put his finger on but something he also quickly stops thinking about when in one fluid movement Haley pulls her left hand out of his, reaches up behind his neck and pulls his head down to hers, lifting up her own so that their lips meet hastily in the middle.
Nathan thinks he actually sighs into the kiss, something he's certain he's never done before, as he stretches his neck the rest of the way down so Haley can rest her head back on the pillow. He reaches his left arm out to Haley's right side so he can promptly push himself up to hover over her. Haley is quick in responding to his movements, bringing up her other hand to cradle his neck and keep his lips attached to hers. As if he were planning on moving away.
Haley's kissing him urgently and making small sounds he doesn't even think she's conscious of making and she's paying no mind at all to the thin blanket that is moving every which way with their desperate movements. It's the only thing between them and Nathan can't bear to look when he suddenly feels the smooth skin of her waist brush up against his forearm from where the blanket finally gave way and settled itself at her hips.
It's too much for him, but of course also not enough. All he knows is that he needs to gather himself, doesn't want to get too carried away too quickly. They didn't really talk much about what is happening between them last night, just let the finally surfacing feelings guide them. But now he wants to make sure that they're doing this right. He wants to make sure she really knows how he's feeling. How he only wants to do this if she's his actual girlfriend.
He breaks the kiss and buries his head in her neck to take some deep breaths in a vain attempt to clear his mind. Haley seems to understand that he's trying to get himself under control and doesn't attempt to chase his lips, though she'd really like to. Instead, she moves both her hands up to the back of his head and rakes her nails across his buzzed scalp. Nathan laughs into her neck, ready to tell her that her actions are having the complete opposite effect of what she is going for when all words die on his lips at the sudden aggressive pounding on the hotel door.
He feels Haley jump in his arms, jarred at the abrupt sound and the sudden change in the atmosphere. Nathan peels back slowly, looking up at Haley in confusion, as if she'd somehow know what is going on. Of course, she doesn't, but he can tell from one look at her that she doesn't think it's anything good. Nathan can't help but agree. He doesn't know what he'll find on the other side of the door, but he knows it won't be anything they want to encounter.
Reluctantly, Nathan places one last reassuring kiss into the crook of Haley's neck and then pulls back and stands up. He makes quick work of unzipping his bag and pulling on a T-shirt and gym shorts. He finds Haley's clothes from the previous night and tosses them to her, picking up any other discarded clothes, rolling them into a tangled pile and throwing them into the closet. He waits for a minute, his back to Haley, giving her a moment to dress in privacy. He glances back after what he considers to be a reasonable amount of time for her to be redressed just in time to see her zipping up her jeans and finally rebuttoning her button. She gives him a shaky smile, his least favorite smile of the day.
When he knows they're in the clear he turns to the door, which has been almost constantly rattling with the near incessant knocking. Nathan decides to forgo the peephole and instead opens the door with the chain still linked so they can both see who they're facing right away. When he does the pounding stops but the stern face of both of Haley's parents stare back at him.
"Open this door, Nathan," Mr. James demands.
Nathan swallows hard, never so afraid of the man he used to know so well. He remains frozen in his spot, desperate to go back into bed and Haley's arms where he'd comfortably been not only five minutes ago. He wasn't ready to face her parents. They've barely talked any of this newness out. He needed more time. But when he looked back up and saw the look on Mr. James' face, he knew their moment had passed.
"Now, Nathan," Mr. James declared.
Nathan nodded once, not wanting to give Haley's dad any more reason to be mad at him. Nathan closed the door so he could unlatch the chain. He took that one moment of peace to look back at Haley, but she was too focused tracing her foot on the looping patterns of the carpet. Knowing nothing good would come of it but seeing no other choice, Nathan sighed, pulled the chain back, and opened the door.
Mr. James was quick to push the door open the rest of the way and rush into the room, closely followed by his wife. He hastily looked around the room, quietly assessing. Nothing looked too out of place to him, so he took a moment to take a deep breath. Mrs. James put her hand on her husband's arms in consolation. It took all of the restraint Nathan had to not roll his eyes. Her parents really were something else. They had some serious nerve to abandon Haley and then pretend like her staying the night with her best friend was the end of the world.
The room was silent, everyone waiting for Mr. James to finally gather himself enough to say what he wanted to say. Finally, he made direct eye contact with Nathan and spoke, "Go home, Nathan."
Mr. James thought that was enough and turned to leave, expecting his family to follow him, but he only managed a few steps before he realized there were no footsteps following his own. He turned back and looked first at his wife, but she was not looking back at him. Instead, her teary gaze was placed heavily on Haley. He followed his wife's stare and found Haley, arms crossed over her chest, rooted in place, glaring right back at him.
"C'mon, Haley," her dad began carefully, "Let's just go home and talk about this."
Haley shook her head, "Talk about what, even? What's wrong? Why are you here?"
"What's wrong," Mr. James started, with a voice much firmer than before, "is that my teenage daughter missed curfew and wouldn't answer her phone and spent the night in a hotel room with a teenage boy I don't know or trust."
Haley scoffed, "Of course you don't know him! You were nowhere to be found for months while I was living in North Carolina, getting to know him. If you didn't want me to get close to Nathan again, then you never should have sent me to Tree Hill. That's on you."
Mr. James took a step back into the hotel room, closing the door behind him. "I sent you to Tree Hill because I knew who Nathan used to be. But apparently, he's changed a lot, hasn't he? I know that because you told me. You were crying about how he wasn't who you remembered him to be, because he wasn't responding to your messages. And from what I recall, you weren't getting to know him too much when you were in North Carolina anyway, were you? Because he didn't even know who you were!"
Haley was tired of her parents pretending they knew everything about her and her relationships. And she regretted telling them anything about what happened in North Carolina. They wouldn't understand and were apparently just planning on taking everything she told them as ammunition. However, the reality is that when they sent her away, they created two lives for her. She had one life in California and one life in North Carolina and they simply weren't a part of her North Carolina life. They would never be able to understand.
"We're past that now," Haley said simply, knowing that any real argument with her dad about this topic would be fruitless.
Her dad laughed bitterly, "Oh you're past it? You're past him treating you terribly? Past him not remembering you, leaving you all alone in a town you didn't know?"
"Are you serious?" Haley interrupted, "Nathan is the one that left me all alone in a town I didn't know? You have to be joking, right? That wasn't Nathan, that was you. The both of you. You are the ones who abandoned me and left me all alone. That wasn't anyone else."
Her dad gritted her teeth, done having this conversation, "Enough, Haley. We've talked about this. We've apologized. It was a hard time for us, we did what we thought was best."
Haley shook her head, wiping away her tears, "You did what was best for you. Not for me. You never thought of me. And you're wrong, Dad. We haven't had this conversation. Yes, you've apologized, but what for? We've never really talked about it."
"Then let's talk about it," Haley's mom declared, swiping at her own eyes.
Nathan looked around the room at the James family who he once considered his own. He found himself feeling just really sad. They were always such a safe haven for him when he was younger, a strong unit he thought he could always rely on. They were clearly not that anymore. He certainly wasn't welcomed by them and they were fractured, splitting at the seams.
Watching Haley and her dad yell back and forth eerily reminded Nathan of him and his own father: arguments leading nowhere, suffering without reprieve, an endless stream of mutual detest and misunderstandings. Seeing Haley and her own dad like that left him feeling oddly hollow inside. He never wished that on anyone, certainly not on Haley.
But then her mom spoke up, ready to truly air out the grievances in the room, willing to listen to Haley, and Nathan realized there was a difference. Haley's family had the ability to repair. The pieces of their unit were separate, but not shattered. Nathan looked at Haley and smiled reassuringly before leaving the room, giving her family some space to talk and heal.
++++++++++++++She Paints Me Blue+++++++++++++
About an hour after Nathan left Haley alone with her family in his hotel room, Haley found him sitting in the lobby.
She approached him with a small smile and sat immediately next to him, their thighs touching, even though there was enough room on the couch for there to be space between them.
"Thank you, Nathan," Haley told him softly, grabbing his upper arm and laying her head on his shoulder.
Nathan let out a deep breath of what felt like relief, though he hadn't realized he'd been worried about anything. "There's nothing to thank me for."
Haley moved her head, so her chin was digging into his arm and she could look up at him. Nathan stared back. Her eyes were red and her nose raw, presumably from blowing it into the harsh hotel tissues. She looked exhausted. But there was also something else about her, something noticeably different and something he hadn't seen in a long time. She looked peaceful. It made Nathan's heart pound. He was just so, immeasurably happy to be here with her. He never thought he would be.
She continued to stare at him for a moment and Nathan could tell she wanted to say something. After another moment of this, Nathan grew too antsy and was about to ask her what was wrong but finally spoke up before he could.
"I love you," Haley declared, matter of fact, "I'm in love with you, Nathan. You are my favorite person in the world. You always have been, and you always will be. You are home. I just… I love you."
Nathan's ears were ringing. He almost wanted to pinch himself, but knew he was being ridiculous. Haley was right. This didn't come out of nowhere. They were always there for each other. They always loved each other more than anyone else. They were good enough for each other. They deserved this.
"I love you, too, I—"
"I know, Nathan. I know," Haley interrupted, not needing to talk about it anymore. It was long felt.
Haley kissed him softly but pulled back before it became any deeper.
"I'm going back to Tree Hill, Nathan," Haley revealed.
Nathan's eyes shot open and pulled back from her slightly to get a better look at her. He needed to be able to read her body language to figure out whether or not she was tricking him.
"What do you mean?" He asked when she failed to elaborate.
"We talked a lot. I told them how them leaving me really messed me up emotionally. And how it definitely affected my relationship with them. I just can't be with them and be normal, you know? What they did was really messed up. I can't just get over it. It's going to take time and, honestly probably professional help. They agreed to see a family therapist with me.
"But I let them know this was all conditional on us moving to Tree Hill together. Damien is really the only thing I have in California that I'll miss. I have more friends in Tree Hill. I love the community and the shops and it's a good school. And there's just so much baggage in California. It never felt the same after I went back. I was going through the motions, but I was never really happy, you know? And obviously, there's you. I can't live without you anymore, Nathan."
Nathan swallowed the large lump in his throat. "I can't live without you anymore, either. But we can maintain this long distance. I'll really communicate with you this time, I swear. You don't have to move."
Haley smiled. "I know you would, Nathan. But it's what I want. And my mom actually agreed, she thought it would be good for us to start over in a new place. My dad wasn't convinced, but I wasn't going to change my mind. I told him I'd get emancipated and move in with you. He told me that he wasn't happy about it, but he didn't want to lose me, so he agreed. So, we're coming to Tree Hill."
Nathan didn't even try to hold back the massive grin that broke out on his face after that. He kissed her and this time she let it get a bit deeper.
Nathan was the one who pulled back this time. "So, when you get back to Tree Hill, do you want to officially meet all my friends?"
Haley furrowed her brows, "What? I think I know most of your friends. The ones worth knowing, anyway." She mumbled the last part and Nathan purposefully ignored it.
"I mean officially meet them. The right way. As my, you know, as my girlfriend." Nathan felt all the blood in his body flood into his cheeks. He hadn't felt himself blush in a long time, hadn't been this embarrassingly nervous in years.
Haley practically laughed at him but tried to hold it back when she saw how uncomfortable he really was. She lifted her hand to his cheek, trying to brush the blush away with a stroke of her thumb.
"Of course I want to do that, Nathan. I'd be honored."
"The honor's all mine, Haley," he replied, grabbing her hand off his cheek and holding it between both his own. He looked deep into her eyes, feeling like he needs to say it one last time before they could truly start this next chapter of their lives together.
"I really am so sorry, Haley. I'm sorry for forgetting you. I'm sorry for you and for myself. We missed out on a lot of time and it caused up both a lot of pain. I'll always be sorry for that. But I'm so happy we're where we are now. And there's just three things I want you to always be sure of: you are my best friend, I love you, and I will never forget you again."
+++++++++++++++++ She Paints Me Blue+++++++++++++++++
Three Months Later
Haley laughed as the girl in front of her forwent the spoon and dug both her hands deep into the slice of chocolate cake sitting in front of her. The girl quickly tried to stick both of her chocolate filled hands into her mouth at once, causing her hands to smash into her cheeks and leaving most of the cake behind there. The girl smiled at Haley and generously offered out her hand so Haley could try some of the cake too. Haley pretended to eat it and the girl giggled happily.
"Wow, I can see someone likes my new recipe!" Deb announced as she made her way to Haley and Jenny's table to refill the former's cup of coffee.
Haley smiled brightly and nodded, "Yeah, it's a hit."
"How is school going, Haley? Are you readjusting okay?" Deb asked as she poured the coffee.
Haley let out a small sigh, "Let's just say that switching schools four times in one year is not something I'd recommend, but I'm managing."
Deb shook her head, "No I suppose I couldn't imagine that. I know it's a pain, but I have to say that I am really happy you're here."
"Me too," Haley agreed.
Deb finished filling the coffee and offered Haley a genuine smile before walking to the next table to replenish their coffees.
Haley looked back at Jenny, intending to engage with her when the bells above the café door rang out and the unmistakable sound of teenage boys walked through.
She lifted her head to watch the three boys scan the café, Jake being the first to spot her. He walked quickly to the table, sliding in next to his daughter. She giggled when she saw her daddy and gave him the same cake offering she'd given to Haley. Jake happily accepted the offer, taking a bite of smushed, wet cake from his daughter's hands.
Lucas pulled out a chair and sat across from Jake, settling the basketball the three boys had just been practicing with onto the table until Deb cleared her throat and gave him a pointed look, prompting him to smile sheepishly and put the basketball onto the floor instead. He gave Jenny a small wave and smile, which he then directed at Haley. She gave him a real smile back.
Nathan was obviously the primary reason she wanted to settle in Tree Hill permanently, but it was true that she had other friendships here that she didn't want to give up either. Lucas and Jake had both been ecstatic at the news that she was coming back. They'd quickly fallen back into the friendship they had before, eating lunch together regularly and hanging out at the River Court. It'd been really nice to be back with them and have them to rely on.
Finally, Nathan came over, gave her a chaste kiss and then pulled out the chair across from her and next to Lucas. She could feel Lucas smiling at her but chose to ignore him. Nathan had decided not to tell him about their relationship until she had moved back and he'd been well and truly flabbergasted at the news. Nathan made fun of him for weeks about how much he fumbled over his words in his reaction.
Haley was worried at what his reaction meant at first and was relieved when she realized he really was just flustered and not disapproving.
Everyone had actually taken well to their relationship, surprisingly. Well, most everyone, except for Dan. But no one expected his approval, anyway. Nathan was quick to go back to ignoring him and avoiding him as much as he could. It wasn't too hard to do that with Haley being back and taking up most of his non-basketball time anyway.
But most other people didn't seem to care. Even the people at school. Haley had heard rumors of Nathan acting differently after she left, so she figured that's why people weren't too caught off guard by the previous school playboy finally settling down. Whatever the reason, Haley was endlessly grateful for it. She didn't need any more drama being brought into their relationship.
Currently, Haley could vaguely hear Jake and Lucas talking about their own relationships with Peyton and Brooke, respectively. Jake was trying to give Lucas advice on something Brooke did, but Lucas was adamant that the right way to deal with Peyton was not the right way to deal with Brooke. She thinks that's what was going on at least, but she wasn't really listening. She was too busy relishing in this moment. She'd spent so much of her recent life unsure of what was going on, of what was coming, of where her life was going. But now she knew. She was here, home in Tree Hill, surrounded by family and friends that loved her.
A/N: Wow. We actually made it. 11 years after first being published, She Paints Me Blue is finally complete. I cannot thank everyone enough for the support, favorites, reviews, and views I've received throughout this long, fulfilling journey. I am endlessly grateful for this community. It's taken up such a large portion of my life and has meant so much to me for such a long time. It will truly be surreal to no longer have this story looming in the back of my brain. But I am so glad to finally have it completed for anyone who may still be interested. I hope you enjoy. Thanks for everything, it has truly been an amazing adventure.
-Megan AKA ToBecomeAClown