Chapter 12:
Klink was not sure what time it was when he finally had the strength to leave the hospital. He could not even look back as he exited the building and walked to his car, the emotional wound still too fresh for him to think about. It felt like someone had just ripped his heart out of his chest and stabbed it a million times before shoving it back into its rightful place. His body felt like a 200 pound anvil was pressing him down to the ground, while a ball and chain was strapped around one of his ankles. An imaginary storm cloud hovered over his head as he slowly sulked his way through the front door of his house and hung up his jacket. He found his wife in the kitchen preparing dinner and cutting something with a knife before throwing it into a boiling pot. So calm, so at peace, while his world had come to a horrific end. He hated the idea of telling Janine the devastating news.
Sensing someone had entered her home, Janine looked up from stirring the pot and frowned when she saw the emotional state her husband was in. "Wilhelm?" She asked, with concern. "Is everything alright?"
Klink stood there like a zombie for a long while before he finally had the strength to shake his head. "No," he answered, meek. "No, I'm not alright...I just got back from the hospital."
"What did Dr. Klaussner say?" Janine questioned, staying as calm as she could for her husband's sake. "Did he figure out why we're having such a hard time having a baby?"
The last question was his deal breaker. Klink could not hold his emotions inside anymore. He hung his head, broke down, and began to cry uncontrollably.
Janine abandoned everything she was doing, running to her husband's side as she wiped her hands off her white apron, then took him in her arms and let Klink rest his head on her shoulder. She felt tears stream down her own face, but she temporarily locked away her own grief for Klink's sake. He needed her now more than ever, and she had to be the strong one for now. She shook her head as her brown eyes shone with deep empathy.
"I'm so sorry," she croaked. "I'm so sorry, Wilhelm."
"Dr. Klaussner said my chances at having children are slim to nothing." Klink sobbed, burying his face into his wife's shoulder. "The one thing I ever wanted in life is gone."
Janine hushed him as she kissed the side of his head and rocked him from side to side. "I'm here," she told him. "I'm here, Wil...We're gonna get through this together. I will be there every second of every day whenever you need me. I promise."
Klink continued to cry, his wife kissing him and hushing him in attempts to heal his throbbing heart. "Janine...wake me up from this nightmare." He bawled.
Janine kissed her husband again and hugged him as tight as she could. "I'm so sorry, my love," she told him, her heart breaking as she watched Klink suffer so much emotional distress. "I'm so sorry, Wilhelm."
The two of them stood there like that for God only knew how long. Neither one of them spoke a single word. Janine hugged her husband tight and continued to kiss his head, while Klink held her with all his might and continued to mourn his loss. His wife was the only thing he had left to live for. His little boy. His little baby girl. Both of them were gone.
The news of possibly never being able to have his own children had left Klink in a deep dark state of mind that no one seemed to be able to bring him out of. He was not the smiling, upbeat person he had been two years ago anymore. He was quiet, reserved, and the only things he did besides work was eat, sleep, or sit in silence as he stared out his living room window. Janine did her best to try and bring a smile back to her husband's face. Make him his favorite meals, let him listen to whatever he wanted to on the radio, take him out to his favorite restaurant for their Saturday date nights, she even massaged his shoulders and sang to him. But alas, none of it was very effective. The closest she ever got to a grin was a sad smile that only masked the severe depression he felt on the inside.
Seeing her husband so lost and sad, Janine even had trouble staying strong some days. Sometimes when Klink had gone to bed for the night, Janine would call her mother or a friend of hers and break down crying. She hated Klink being so depressed, but she did not know what else to do to bring her happy husband back to her. Sometimes she even confided in Schneider and Tauscher for advice or guidance, knowing that the two were practically the brothers her husband never got to have. Not even they could get anything out of their beloved friend. Guys' nights out, silly shenanigans or smack talk, words of reassurance that he would be a father someday, nothing worked. Klink was almost as gone as his dream of being a father was.
At work, Klink basically hid in his office all day, immersing himself in numbers and graphs to keep his mind off of things. Bertram did everything he could to brighten Klink's spirits by bringing him a drink, chatting with him during lunchtime, or having him take short breaks by leaving his office and helping the owner with unboxing new toys and placing them up on the shelves. Even the regulars at the store wanted to help somehow. The little kids that were always there drew Klink pictures and 'Get Well' cards in hopes to make him smile again. Unfortunately, it provoked the exact opposite and sent Klink back into his office in tears. One little girl, who always came by to see Klink and play games with him, asked Bertram why her friend was so sad. When Bertram explained to her as best as he could why Klink was depressed now, she told him to make him happy and she wanted Klink to smile and laugh again. And that sentence nearly killed him every time. He wanted Klink to smile again, too.
Some time in late May, Klink had gone back to Dusseldorf for a week to visit his parents. He was desperate to get away from Hammelburg and his job. To get away from where his biggest dream had died so abruptly. He could hardly even look at his wife those days. He was too ashamed. He was too upset. He knew Janine was hurting as she watched him struggle to come out of his depression, so he thought it was best that he left for a little while to clear his head and give her space to grieve herself. He felt awful knowing his sadness was causing such stress and grief for the love of his life and sometimes wondered if getting an annulment was what was best for them now. He could not give her any children like she wanted, and his depression was doing nothing but hurting her. Maybe letting her go so she could marry another nice man and have children with him was the only solution for them now.
As Klink lay on his parents' sofa, covered up to his neck with a thick blanket, Adala came over with a cup of tea and set it down before her son on the coffee table. She watched as he only stared at it, closed his eyes, then covered his head and shielded himself from the world around him.
Adala frowned and gently rubbed her youngest's shoulders for comfort, when the door opened, and General Klink entered with Wolfgang following him. The eldest Klink son had been assigned as an employee in his father's old store in the city and was constantly under surveillance to make sure he was not stealing any money for his own needs. He could not even leave the house anymore without telling his parents where he was going and who he was going with. Once and a while he would stray off and go to a casino to gamble and drink, but he was always caught and dragged home by his father from the ear. He had no wealth, no friends, none of the women gave him a second glance, and his stocks had completely crashed due to the rising inflation in Germany's economy. He was more miserable than he had ever been before and clearly expressed that to his father.
"I can't believe you're making me work at your store," Wolfgang groaned. "I'm the laughing stock of the entire city because of it."
"Just be thankful that since I'm your boss, I won't turn you in for a court date if I catch you stealing from inventory," General Klink remarked hastily.
"Pa, I'm not a salesman. I was meant for business. Advertising, promoting, I was meant to work in the big companies across the country and be one of the CEOs of said companies. What you have me doing is child's play."
"Perhaps this public shame will teach you a valuable lesson about gambling and stealing a business' revenue." General Klink crossed his arms, turned to look at his wife and Klink, then made his way closer to the duo and gazed at Adala with a worried expression on his face. "How is he?"
Adala shook her head. "He just lies there in silence. I can't even get him to tell me how he's feeling," she answered softly.
"Willie, you're lucky you can't have children," Wolfgang said, plopping down in a chair and kicking his feet up on the coffee table. "I can't even have sex with a woman without the fear of getting her schwängern. You know what it's like to have a one night stand with someone and worry you might have an illegitimate kid somewhere?" His eyes then widened to the size of saucers, his expression completely mortified as a realization hit him. "Oh my God, I might have illegitimate kids out there somewhere." He made his gaze back to his parents. "You think I should fake my death and move to Switzerland?" (1)
General Klink narrowed his eyes on his oldest son. "Get real, Wolfgang," he hissed. "And get your filthy shoes off of my coffee table!"
Wolfgang looked off to his left with frustration as he threw his legs back down on the ground, then pulled out his pipe from one of his pants pockets, lit it, and took a puff.
General Klink glared at Wolfgang for a moment longer, then looked back at the son that needed him most currently. He got down on the ground in front of Klink, who had reemerged his head from the blanket, and talked to his son eye to eye.
"Wilhelm," he began. "I've been thinking lately about it, and I think it would be good for you. Remember when you were a teenager and wanted to become a music teacher? There's this great college in Berlin that just opened up a music education program, and I'm giving you my full blessing to go there and study. You and Janine could move there and get a little apartment not too far from the campus, and you'll finally have the job of your dreams, my boy. I think now's the time to jump back on that wagon and finally pursue the career path you wanted to go on to begin with. Doesn't that sound like a wunderbar idea?"
"I don't want to be a teacher anymore," Klink answered, monotone. Tears were slipping down his face, yet his expression remained blank.
"You don't want to be one anymore!" General Klink exclaimed. "Why not? You dreamed of being a teacher. That's what you've always wanted to do, Wilhelm. What's changed now that doesn't make you want to go?"
It was then Klink finally sat up and glared at his father with fierce eyes completely damped with tears. "Damn it, Papa, can't you see why I don't anymore?! How can I be a teacher when all it will do is remind me of what I've lost?! How can I care for a bunch of children when I'll never be able to care for my own?! Every time I see those little kids, all it will do is remind me of what I'll never have!" He then buried his face into his hands and began to cry uncontrollably, his heart aching a thousand times over as his emotional wounds were reopened and bled out again.
General Klink frowned as he realized just how much pain his son was in and felt his own heart break watching him mourn so deeply. He placed a hand on one of Klink's arms and gave it a squeeze for comfort. "It will happen one day, my boy," he promised. "It may not be tomorrow or next month, but it will happen someday. I can feel it, Wilhelm. You will be a father someday."
Klink continued to cry, while Adala gently rubbed his back and kissed the top of his head. "My poor baby...it will happen when the time is right, mein süßer. It will happen when God thinks you're ready." She reassured him, and kissed his head again when she saw none of their words seemed to be helping.
It was like he was falling in a never-ending black hole. As Klink continued to fall, it just got darker and darker and darker. Why did these things always have to happen to him? He loses his hair; he gets rejected from medical school; he has to fight in a damn world war that took the life of one of his closest friends; he loses his Kaiser and ability to play the violin and has to drop his music performance major; Wolfgang gets married and makes him feel like the biggest failure in Germany; now he could never have children like he had yearned so badly for since being a child himself. It was not right. It was not fair to him. He truly did have a Klink Curse. But this one did not just cause premature hair loss; this one he realized only had to deal with him. This one was caused just by him being alive.
(Present day)
Klink had his eyes closed as that grief returned to him for a moment. Tears slipped down his eyes, and he used the back of his hand to wipe them away, while the wind and rain outside continued to howl with fury. He let out a shaky sigh and shook his head. "I don't think I had mourned so much since Kurt died during the first war. It literally felt like someone had punched me in the chest so many times that I couldn't breathe anymore...It's pained me to think about that time in my life ever since," he said softly.
Klink did not need to be ashamed of his tears, though. Hogan, who had been silent the entire time, had tears of his own streaming down his face and was sniffling every now and then. The American closed his eyes and felt his body wrack with emotion as he let out a few soft sobs. Poor Klink. That must have been the most awful thing to hear come out of a doctor's mouth besides the words 'You're dying'. He could not even imagine how devastated he would feel if a doctor told him the same words.
Hogan loved children. He adored them with all his heart. If he was not so set on being a commercial airline pilot after the war, he would go back to school to become an elementary school gym teacher. He even wanted at least four of his own kids after going home from the war. To play baseball with his little boys, snuggle his little girls at night and sing to them as he rocked them to sleep. To teach them to sing and play musical instruments, take them to the park for ice cream or to play on the playground. To hug them and kiss their tiny faces while telling them just how special they were and how they would bring great things to the world once they were all grown up. If he were told he could never be a father like Klink had been...he was not sure how he would manage to move on in life.
Once he had a grip on his emotions again, Hogan looked up at Klink and gazed at him with sincere empathy in his eyes. He shook his head again. "I'm so sorry, Kommandant," he croaked. "I'm so sorry...If a doctor ever told me I could never have children, I...I…" He shook his head a third time. "I don't know what I'd do...I'm so sorry, Sir."
Klink gave him a warm smile full of gratitude. "Danke, Hogan," he answered sincerely. "But you don't have to be sorry. Despite all those odds against me, I have my beautiful little Kalina today and with me again safe and sound...She's truly the one and only love of my life. I wouldn't trade her for anything or anyone."
Hogan sniffled once more and felt a smile come to his own face as he thought of Kalina being a miracle child. He could see just how much Klink loved her just by looking in his blue eyes. They sparkled and shined like the stars in the night sky. He could not wait to feel the same love for himself when he finally got lucky to be a father. "She was a tiny little miracle for you, then," he told Klink.
Klink beamed more. He nodded. "Yes, she was. She is...my little angel straight from Heaven," he said.
"So," Hogan started. "When did your little angel finally come along? When did your depression finally come to an end?"
The kommandant chuckled as the memories came back to him. "Now that story I don't mind telling," he remarked, then thought back to that month. That month when his dark empty world would again see light and joy. "It was sometime in mid-July that same year. Rudi and Ingo were dead set on getting me to smile again even if it killed them. So while Janine was in the city visiting some friends, they unexpectedly came to our house, told me to pack up enough things to last me four nights, then they made me get into Rudi's car and drove up to a cabin up north he had rented for the week."
(1) schwängern - knocked up