Liza was sitting in the office of Doctor Michelle Bowman discussing life.

"He wouldn't even discuss it," she told Doctor Bowman.

"Tell me the entire conversation as you remember it," the doctor asked.

Liza recounted the previous conversation starting from Charles's comments about his upbringing all the way to saying goodbye.

"Liza, tell me about the dynamics between you, Charles, and Josh. Do the two men know each other? Have they met?"

Liza relayed the half dozen times or so the two met and the interactions between them, including the time Josh saw Charles and Liza kissing in the Hamptons and the subsequent time at Charles's estate in Pound Ridge when Josh punched Charles in retaliation.

"Does Charles know you've chosen him over Josh? Does Josh know you've chosen Charles over him? Do the two men know you've chosen the other definitively."

"I was with Charles and not Josh. Both men knew who I was with at the time I was with them. I was committed to being with Charles, but yes, if I am being totally honest, there were times that I had second thoughts about whether being with Charles or Josh was right."

"Why do you think you had second thoughts?" Dr. Bowman asked.

"Sometimes being with Charles reminded me of being with David. Not that Charles is anything like David," Liza shook her head emphatically. "They are nothing alike. It's just that, after my divorce, my life was starting over and part of me loves being with Josh, because well, I do love him, but part of me loves that our life together was so different from the life I had with David. It felt new and exciting."

"Was life not exciting with Charles?"

"Oh yes, sometimes we have the most wonderful conversations about books, parenting, philosophies, current events, and life in general. We got each other's historical references because we are about the same age. We enjoyed the publishing industry and talking about new trends or articles we'd read in the trades or the Times. It was just a more 'grown-up' relationship than the one I'd had with Josh."

"How was it different with Josh?"

"Josh couldn't talk about books, parenting, and we did not get each other's historical references. Truthfully, although he was 'all in' regarding my life, meaning my daughter and friends my age, our life together generally speaking, revolved around his activities."

"Was that not to your liking?"

"I really wanted to be with someone who was, relatively speaking, at the same place in life that I am."

"And that was Charles?" the therapist asked.

"Yes, that was my and Charles's strength. Although his daughters are younger than my daughter by about 10 years, we were at the same place in life. Children able to care for themselves to a certain degree and Charles is divorced so his ex-wife has the kids sometimes, so we were able to enjoy our alone time."

"Did you want your life with Charles to be more exciting?"

"I just didn't want my life with Charles to resemble the life I left behind in a divorce, doing the same things all over again. I wanted excitement, spontaneity, and adventure."

Did you try telling Charles about your feelings in this matter?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I didn't want to hurt his feelings."

"Why? What makes you think his feelings would be hurt?"

"I just wanted him to be happy."

"What about your happiness? Was that not important?"

"I guess my happiness is less important than the happiness of those around me."

"Liza, a relationship of any kind requires communication and compromise. It must not be all one-sided if both persons are going to be happy," the therapist advised. "Are you unable or unwilling to speak up about your own feelings?"

"I don't know. I guess I just always want to ensure the happiness of others around me."

"If we never speak up and tell others how we feel, or if we allow others to assume their opinions or feelings are the same as ours, because we allowed them to think that by not raising any objections, then it gives the other person a false impression of how we feel. Most importantly, it's not honest."

"Honesty is something I struggle with, admittedly," Liza said. "I don't intentionally lie but sometimes it seems that way to others. I see now that it was a need to make everyone happy and that isn't possible."

"We must all be conscious of being tactful and considerate with our partner, but honesty is also equally important in any relationship. Honesty about how we feel, what our expectations are, and how we view our current situation together. It requires courage to be honest but has huge rewards because by being honest with a partner we can reach a place together and within ourselves that is unshakeable and ensures lasting happiness."

"I want that kind of lasting happiness."

"Then I want you to be more open to the people in your life and tell them how you feel. If you don't like your eggs scrambled, then say so. Find out how you like your eggs and give your preference. Find your voice Liza and be confident that others are interested in what you have to say beyond agreeing with them. It may not be easy at first and those who are used to expecting you to kowtow to their wishes may not want to hear what you have to say, but if you want a life that makes you happy then you need to speak up inside your private relationships."

Liza left the appointment feeling upbeat and confident. She understood that she deferred to others more than she should and by not speaking up and stating her preference or telling others how she felt about a topic or situation, she was leading them on and that was not what she wanted to convey to others. She needed to find her voice and she knew exactly where to start.

Inkburg was not far from the office of Doctor Bowman and it was an easy three minute walk. She walked into the tattoo shop and the receptionist greeted her warmly.

"Are you here to see Josh? He's just finishing up with a client. It shouldn't take long."

"Thanks. I'll take a seat and wait," Liza said.

Ten minutes later Josh came out to the front and greeted her warmly.

"Hey Liza, you're here! I wasn't expecting you."

"I know, it was kind of an impulse moment."

"Are you here to see Gemma, because I don't have her right now."

"No, silly, I came to see you."

"What's up?" Josh asked.

"Let's find a private place where we can talk," Liza suggested.

"I don't know if I like the sound of that," Josh said, raising his eyebrows.

Liza did not say anything. Doing this was hard enough without getting into it right here in the open.

They made their way back to a room that had some office furniture, boxes, and a couple of chairs. They sat down facing each other.

"Josh, I need to tell you some things."

"Ok."

"When you saw Charles and me kissing in the Hamptons, that wasn't the first time we had kissed."

Josh looked at her puzzled.

"It wasn't?" He asked.

"No. It was the second or third time."

"What are you saying, Liza? Why are you telling me this now and why didn't you tell me this before? Were you cheating on me earlier?" Josh asked, his voice getting progressively louder with each sentence.

"Josh, I'm telling you this now because I am trying to be honest with you about my feelings. I realized I have not been honest with you."

"Liza, I don't know what to make of all this and why you would wait until years after the fact to admit your cheating. It's like it's happening all over again!"

"Josh. Listen to me. I am in love with Charles, and I want to make it work with him and I am trying to explain to you why, but I need you to calm down."

"Calm down?! He isn't good for you, Liza. I can't believe you're still doing this. Why can't you see that what you and I have is right?"

"Josh, I love you, but I am not in love with you. I am in love with Charles and have been for a long time. From very early on in my days working at Empirical there has been a spark between Charles and me. You and I were together, and I loved you and loved being with you and I continued to ignore my feelings for Charles and fought for my relationship with you. I did that until I could do it no more, when the feelings for Charles became overwhelming and could no longer be ignored. It wasn't a deliberate attempt to hurt you. It was a feeling that started small and grew with each conversation between me and him. We had chemistry and I looked forward to talking to him. We had similar interests and experiences. We are of the same generation, and we got each other's cultural references. We had a connection that I didn't share with you. Not that my connection with you was inferior. It was just different. You were there when I was starting my new life, but I outgrew our relationship and was ready for something else, with someone else who was in the same place in life. If it hadn't been Charles, it would have been someone else. I was ready to move on."

Josh was quiet and looked sad. "I understand what you're saying, Liza. I do. I just find it hard to believe after all we've been through that you would do this. When did you kiss him the first time and what are you saying now? Are we no longer friends? You tried that on me once before, remember and I refuse to accept that idea because you promised that you would be there for Gemma."

"The first time I kissed Charles was when I was working at the Paramus Mall during the time when you and I were split up after the New York Times piece they did on you. I want to assure you that you and I were not together when it happened. I was not unfaithful during the times we were together. That is, until you saw us in the Hamptons. Then, yes, I was unfaithful and not that it's any excuse, but I was confused about where you and I were then because you wanted kids and I didn't, and it was becoming clearer to me that we were not going to work out long term. It was wrong of me to muddy the waters with Charles, and I apologize for that. I want us to still be friends, but Josh, I need to make a clean break here and concentrate on my relationship with him or at least try to salvage, if I can, what relationship is left and convince him to give me another chance. If something is truly wrong, I will be there for you, but I can't be there like I have been in the past. Josh, I don't want to pull age rank on you, but sometimes in life, people move in and then move out of your life. It's just a fact of life. I will still be there for you, but I need to move on now."

"Why didn't you tell me any of this sooner?"

"I don't know. Part of my problem is that I try to make everyone happy, and I do so to the detriment of my own happiness sometimes. I need to put me first for a change."

"I understand. Truly. I do. I want the best for you. Also, there's something I need to tell you. Clare has been offered a transfer with Google to their headquarters in California and she's thinking of taking it. If she goes, then I need to go too. I don't want to miss out on seeing Gemma."

"Oh, Josh, no, you can't miss out on anything with Gemma."

"I have been reluctant to tell you, but now I see that maybe it's a sign that it really is time to begin a new chapter…for both of us."

"What will you do now with Inkburg and this building?"

"Maybe I can be a franchise? Who knows? Maybe I'm bicoastal. Maybe I rent this place out. I don't know, but I'm excited about the possibilities."

"Then I'm excited too. That's great news," Liza enthused.

"I'm glad we had this talk," he said.

"Yeah, me too. I will always love you for who you were to me when I needed a new beginning and how you helped me be the person I am now. I will be forever grateful for that," she told him.

"Me too. You are one in a million Liza Miller and I am glad we met."

They stood up, hugged, kissed lightly on the lips and Josh walked her out of the shop.

"Keep in touch and let me know your plans," she told him.

"I definitely will. We may have a big blow out party to say goodbye."

"I will want to be there," she told him.

"I will count on it," he said, smiling at her fondly.

They smiled at each other, and Liza gave a little wave goodbye that he returned as she turned to make her way down the street feeling good about things. She hoped the conversation with the next man went as well as this one.

Next update: Soon, I hope. It's a long chapter and I'm not done writing it yet.