Chapter 17

SPOV

After Eddie left me with the two detectives, I felt detached from what was happening to me. I mean I knew what was happening, but I had no feelings going through me. I wasn't frightened, I wasn't sorry that I'd come here and strangely I wasn't concerned with what might happen to me. I felt empty as though nothing really mattered any more.

Everything just seemed to happen to me without me really being involved, like a well oiled machine. People who came up to me were being very gentle with how they spoke to me or treated me, as though I would break like a fragile porcelain doll. I was sure that many of those involved knew me, but not once did they ask me any details, maybe they tried to make small talk, I just never heard them so was unable to respond to them.

I was like a robot and did as everyone wanted of me, removing my clothes, putting new ones on, totally ignorant if someone was watching me. Flashing lights made me jump as I looked at a camera, and someone had to hold my hold my hands over a scanner. Sitting on my own in a small room on my own felt right, only the silence as a companion, because that was what I wanted. The silence was what I craved, the isolation that I needed was my only defense against thinking, having thoughts hurt and made me feel so disconsolate.

When anyone came near me I felt a dark curtain enshroud me, keeping them out and keeping me safe from their words or actions. If I was asked any questions. I couldn't respond, not because I was being awkward or didn't know what to say. I just couldn't understand what they were asking or why they were asking them.

What I did feel was cold and I couldn't stop shaking which ended up with me breathing fast. The darkness that consumed was welcoming, closing me off from everything around me. I was aware of someone speaking to me, a foul smell invading my nose and chest and asking me how I'd got so many injuries, but I had no answers, I couldn't remember, I didn't want to remember.

There was only one person who managed to infiltrate the barrier I had built around me and that was Joe. I wasn't sure why he was there but but I was impervious to what he was saying, his low tone that couldn't infiltrate any meaning. I think it was because of my continued silence that he'd started to shout at me, the sound of his voice like a beating drum in my ears. I think I covered my ears over to try and stop the assault of his voice.

I didn't hear what he was saying, I didn't want to hear it. I just wanted it to stop, to leave me alone in the cocoon that was wrapped around me. When it continued, the effect was me crying uncontrollably, shunning him when he approached me and flinching as he made to touch me. The sudden silence was like a balm over me and that's when I was aware of a nice man being with me, his voice was calming and almost melodic as he spoke to me. I wasn't crying but I just wasn't mentally tuned into what he was saying.

It seemed that I was staying where I was because I was led to a cell that was only for me but being on my own didn't improve how I was feeling. I was aware that Eddie brought in something for me to eat, but I didn't eat it, I didn't feel hungry. I shunned the idea of laying down on a thin mattress staring at the ceiling above and opted to sit on the floor in a corner, slowly rocking back and forth with my arms banded around my knees. I don't know why I did that, but the rocking seemed to keep the shaking and shallow breathing under control. It also stopped me from thinking, from worrying about the dilemma that I was in, about anything really.

All I knew was that I was meant to be here alone, isolated and in the silence and that I was sure that it was meant to be, that maybe I deserved it. I think people came into the cell to talk to me, but they never tried to move me from the floor and as before I didn't hear what they were saying. The manner that they used to speak to me, their shouting and soothing voices forming a cacophony of noise that surrounded me but never penetrated the wall that I'd built around myself.

At some stage I was sure that another doctor visited me, though he soon left when I moved from the floor onto the mattress. I wasn't sure why those people had visited me though. I used the toilet and washed my hands when the need arose and looked at a stranger looking back at me. I didn't know who she was or what she wanted. I found that the light staying on was some comfort because I somehow knew that the dark wasn't my friend. I didn't sleep but cried a lot curling into a ball and rocking, warding away anything and anyone who might try to connect to me, not really knowing why. I blanked the noises that emanated from around me, voices, shouts and maybe screaming, that morphed into a buzzing in my head.

Time passed with only some interruptions; I was aware of Eddie being around but couldn't decipher what he was doing and couldn't even think why he would want to be anywhere near to me. Surely no one wanted to be near me and I didn't want them near me. He was the one to bring me a coffee and doughnut, though I couldn't eat or drink either of them. I was aware of someone pulling my arms behind my back being cuffed,

I just seemed to know that was happening because it wasn't comfortable and I could feel the cold metal digging into the skin of my wrists, but I didn't complain. Everyone seemed to be so careful around me, holding my elbow as I walked, because yeah, I couldn't seem to put weight on my ankle, how strange was that. I went where I was led and sat down where I was told, only aware that the nice man was back and sat next to me.

I felt scared being where I was, the only emotion that seemed strong enough to penetrate my mind. I wanted the comfort of a small space but it seemed that I was in a big room, though nothing seemed real, almost like a dream where images appeared and disappeared like ghosts. Maybe, there were other people there, the buzzing of voices flowing over me like the incoming waves at the ocean. I didn't hear anything allowing all sound to wash over me.

I stood when the nice man took my elbow to help me up and sat down when he told me to. Maybe there was talking and some shouting around me but it was a loud banging noise had me flinching before I was stood up again. I was aware of the cuffs being removed because my arms were suddenly free and I was rubbing them, trying to make the ache disappear. I was holding my arms across my chest, as if they were holding me together, before being turned around.

A woman appeared in front of me, that had a vision come into my mind, she was shouting at me and pointing her finger at me, but I had no idea who she was or what she was trying to say to me. Her face and voice disappeared and a vision of me falling, of landing on something hard and solid, had me holding my arm as though it were hurt. Her voice echoed around in my head getting louder and louder, swirling in my ears and behind my eyes until a pain shot through my chest and red colored my vision before darkness took over.

RPOV

I refused to speak to anyone as I paced my office, the only thing that had my attention was my phone. Eddie had called regularly, his news worse each time he had spoken to me. Steph had been formally charged with aggravated assault and the threat of it being added to with murder should Watson die. She'd literally gone through the motions of being booked, never saying a word and always doing exactly what she was asked to do.

Eddie was worried about her, saying that she seemed to be closed off to what was happening around her. She hadn't reacted or spoken to any of the cops that she would see as her friends. She'd been questioned by the two detectives, aggressively, calmy, good cop and bad cop but apparently when they'd come out of the interview room they were frustrated and angry because she hadn't said a word in response to their questions. She had been seen by a doctor after she'd fainted, and he had documented her injuries, but he'd simply said that she was fine.

That in itself worried me because Steph wasn't a fainter, okay in extreme circumstances but not like that. I couldn't understand what she was doing. Was she behaving this way on purpose to try to confuse the detectives? Did she think that that would get rid of the charges? Hell, she was in danger of having herself sent to a psychiatric center until the court case was heard.

I was starting to feel annoyed at her. Why the hell had she insisted that Eddie took her to the station? Why had she left the safety of Rangeman but what was really pissing me off was why she hadn't bothered to talk to me, to tell me or discuss with me what she was thinking of doing.

My temper changed to guilt and worry as time moved on. I owed Steph an opportunity to explain herself, didn't I? To help me to understand the behavior that she was playing out. Or was it all real, had she really closed herself off from everything around her? It seemed that I wasn't going to get an opportunity to see her myself, to hold her and tell her that I was there with her. I wanted so much to comfort her and give her some of my strength. She was going to be held until the morning with no opportunity for anyone to see her.

That worried me on a different level, Steph being held in a cell with other inmates didn't bode well in my mind. Hell, she might have taken half of them into the station for their past bail jumping and they wouldn't be inclined to treat her well. My fears were reduced when Eddie informed me that he had made sure that Steph was in a cell on her own and that he would be checking on her regularly, taking her food and drink.

That she never once acknowledged Eddie, ate the food or drank anything had worried Eddie so much that he had insisted that another doctor checked her over. The doctor's prognosis was that she was in shock. There was nothing anyone could do to help her, making me feel totally useless that I couldn't do anything.

No one interrupted my time alone, which I was grateful for. I couldn't have brought myself to say anything anyway. What would I say?

Hanley called once, later in the evening but at least he had other information for me. In fact, in a macabre way, he was almost cheerful because of the way Steph's rights had been violated. I almost swore as he'd said that, but he knew me too well and was soon explaining how that was a good thing. Apparently, the detectives had charged her and then questioned her without warning her of her Miranda rights, in other words they never gave her the opportunity to affirmatively respond that she understood.

That Hanley had then walked into the interrogation room and found Morelli shouting at her and intimidating her with no witnesses, had caused Hanley to submit an official complaint against the police. Me, I was furious that Morelli had been allowed in to see her and as far as I was concerned a formal complaint would be the least of his worries. It had taken Hanley nearly an hour just to calm her down after Morelli's stunt. At least calm her from being hysterical and sobbing into a quieter state. What I couldn't understand was what Morelli had said to her that had upset her so much and why he would do that.

I was dismayed that Steph had to spend the night there, but I assured Hanley that she'd be looked after. She was going in front of the judge in the morning, but I was told not to be anywhere near, that he had everything in hand. Having to do that caused me distress that I had never experienced before, not anger, that had receded to be replaced by worry that was almost painful.

I was surprised when I eventually made my way up to my apartment to find Ella sat on the couch. As I entered, she was immediately on her feet in front of me.

"Is she alright, is she coming home?"

It must have shown on my face, something that I worked very hard at not displaying to the outside world, because I didn't need to verbally answer.

"Oh no. That poor girl. She doesn't deserve this"

I knew that Ella was as worried about Steph as everyone else must have been so tried to be polite to her, though I really didn't want to talk about it.

"She's not doing very well Ella, I'm not sure why, but from what I've heard she seems to be in shock"

"Well of course she will be, going through that on her own. Will she get bail?"

"It's all arranged Ella"

Which had me thinking what the hell to do once she was released from the station. I needed to be there for her, to help her and probably myself. I needed to make everything alright again.

"Ella, is the house ready?"

I watched as a small smile crept across her face, yeah she knew me too well.

"Of course, that's a wonderful idea Carlos. I'll go there first thing in the morning and stock up the fridge and freezer"

I wasn't thinking of going there straight away, but maybe it was a possibility.

"Carlos, you need to spend time with her, she'll be very fragile both physically and mentally"

"Mylo?"

Wondering if Steph would want to see the boy and make sure that he was alright.

"He was upset when he read Stephanie's letter. I think he was blaming himself for her having to leave him. That poor boy is so sensitive and yet so strong. Louis and I spent a lot of time today talking to him. He needed reassuring and I think he's accepted that Stephanie leaving for a short time had to happen. Some of the men have spent some time with him as well, mainly reading to him, he loves reading. He's such a bright boy"

"Ella, will he be okay for a couple days with you and then maybe you can bring him to the house"

I had to stop Ella from rambling about Mylo because yes, she was actually making me feel guilty for wanting Steph to myself for a couple of days.

"That sounds like a perfect idea. He's downstairs asleep in my apartment. He'll be fine"

I was actually relieved as Ella left the apartment and set about organizing myself for a few days away from Rangeman. I knew that I had clothes at the house so wouldn't need to pack anything and Ella had made sure that there were clothes there for Steph along with her favorite cosmetics. I suppose subconsciously I always knew that one day I would take Steph there.

Sleep just didn't happen for me. After showering and redressing in combat trousers and a T-shirt I was back down on five. It was unusually quiet which I suppose was down to the situation that Steph was in. I wasn't sure that the men understood why she had left the security of the building and gone straight to the police station and handed herself in. They weren't alone in that.

Going into the conference room I was surprised to see Santos there, knowing that he should have finished hours ago. As I entered, he looked up from the papers that he was reading, watching me as I sat down in a chair opposite him.

"Why'd she do it Ranger?"

I sat forward with my elbows on the table and looked back at Santos. From his demeanor I would say that he was upset, and I couldn't blame him. Santos had always got on so well with Steph and in the past she'd even talked to him instead of me, about what I didn't know and I wasn't about to ask now.

"She left a letter with Ella saying that it was best for everyone so we could get on with our lives"

From the frown that crossed Santos's face I was pleased that he didn't understand that either.

"That's not like Steph. I know she was in the middle of a meltdown a few weeks ago but she didn't let it get to her, she was doing what she was good at"

"Which was?"

"Look, I know she spoke to you and I think that she realized that there was something that she needed to sort out for herself. I think that the trouble she had with all of those skips was just a part of it"

"Do you think she worked out that she was being set up?"

"Maybe and knowing Beautiful she'd go after whoever was responsible"

"She didn't tell you who she thought it was?"

"No, she never actually told me much, I'm just trying to put the pieces together"

"What's your point Santos?"

Because as far as I could understand he was saying that she was sorting out whatever it was that was troubling her.

"Something else has happened that's hit her hard, hard enough that she felt that she had no other way out"

I sat back as I internalized what Santos had said. I felt remiss that I hadn't taken the time to spend more time with her this morning, that damn meeting had been arranged the day before and I had to be there for it.

"The meeting"

I said out loud unintentionally.

"What about it?"

I didn't reply, instead I was on my way out of the room and heading toward the monitoring bay. I pulled a chair that was in front of one the computer stations across and next to a very surprised Hal.

"Boss?"

"Pull up the internal cameras from outside my apartment when the meeting started yesterday"

I watched the screen as Hal did as I asked, seeing myself leave the apartment.

"Fast forward"

Not much later we both watched as Steph came out of the apartment, I almost smiled seeing that she was wearing a pair of my joggers and a T-shirt and as she entered the elevator. From the brief view that showed her face she didn't seem upset, in fact I would have said that she looked determined as though she had planned out what she was going to be doing.

"Follow her, see where she goes"

Hal transferred to the elevator camera and we watched as it stopped on five. From there the hallway camera observed her walking down the corridor and stopping. I recognized that she was stood outside of the room where we'd met, and that the door had been slightly open. I knew Steph had an insatiable curiosity so wasn't surprised when she stayed outside the door but as time passed her shoulders fell and her head was looking down to the floor. Steph must have stayed for several minutes before she turned and made for the stairwell door, unfortunately the cameras couldn't see her face but her body language spoke volumes.I watched as she struggled to climb the stairs with the injury to her ankle but it was though she was ignoring it. Her whole demeanor changed as she climbed. By the time she reached seven she was pale and possibly shaking even with the exertion of the climb.

I continued to watch the camera, waiting for her to leave, shocked when she stepped out dressed in the clothes that we'd found her in behind Shorties. Why would she dress like that? Then it hit me. There was nothing in my apartment that belonged to Steph because I'd asked Ella to remove everything when the police had come to search the place.

I nodded to Hal who turned off the screen and made my way back to the conference room replaying what had been said when Steph had been stood outside the door.

"What have you figured out?"

I looked up to see Santos looking at me, unaware that he was still sat at the table.

"Steph was outside in the hallway when we were meeting, she must have heard something"

"I asked Bobby how Steph was, but he didn't say anything that would have upset her"

I looked down at Santos as I remembered that Tali had intervened at that point and she'd tried to start and dictate what should be happening with Steph.

"Shit Ranger, if she heard Tali ranting on then Steph would have heard her saying that she couldn't stay here, that she'd be in the way"

"And she mentioned about the police coming here"

I added realizing that maybe what she had heard, along with the fact that none of her things were in the apartment, had been enough to make her think that turning herself in to the police was a good idea, that for some reason she saw herself as a burden. It didn't account for her behavior at the police station though.

I'd decided after that revelation to drive out to my house and saved Ella the job of transporting the food. Santos, Tank, Bobby and Ella were the only people who knew of its existence and they knew that I'd be offline for a few days. I'd arranged for Hanley to drive Steph to meet with Santos on the outskirts of Trenton after the court hearing so that Santos could bring Steph here. Hopefully seeing Santos would help Steph to relax and feel more at ease.

I couldn't have been more wrong as I watched from the front entrance as Santos opened the door of his truck for Steph. He had to help her out and support her with his arm around her waist as they walked toward me. I wanted to run to her and hold her, tell her that everything would okay but the shake of a head from Santos told me to wait. I backed away from the door into the lounge area and watched as Santos carefully sat Steph down on the couch.

"Ranger"

I'd been focused on Steph when Santos called me over to the kitchen so without letting Steph out of my sight, I went over to him.

"She hasn't said a word for the entire trip, in fact I don't think that she realized that it was me driving"

My response was to nod my head, after which Santos left. I stood for a few moments looking at Steph, she looked so lost, so pale and definitely not right. Her head was down being held in her hands and she was rocking slightly as she sat there. I'd spoken with Brown at length on how I should manage Steph, though he did warn me that if she didn't improve then he would need to do something more drastic. So now I was going to make sure that she was looked after and treated as she should be in order to get my Babe back.