Chapter 18

SPOV

I had no idea where I was when I woke up. All I knew was that I was warm and comfortable and somehow felt safe. My head felt really foggy like there were tendrils of smoke clouding any memories thoughts or ideas. My last real memory was of getting into a car with Eddie. I'm not saying that I had no recollection of what had happened to me, but it was very fuzzy, blurred and unfocused as though looking through misshapen glass, I could see them, but they kept fading in and out.

As I moved, I was aware that I wasn't alone, in fact I very quickly became aware that my head was resting on something very hard and warm. I made to move, but an arm around my waist stopped me. So instead, I raised my head up almost afraid that I was right in who would be looking down at me.

"How are you feeling?"

I wasn't sure how to answer that question. Feelings and emotions seemed to be locked deep down inside me and I wasn't sure I wanted to unlock that yet. Even the idea of acknowledging any feelings seemed alien at the moment. I didn't want to feel anything. I had some weird memories, if that was what they were, of the past couple of days. It was as though I was looking back at individual snapshots that recorded a single moment that kept flashing in front of my eyes. Being held while sat curled up on Ranger's knee. Ranger holding a spoon to my lips filled with ice cream and a sponge sweeping circles on my back whilst being in a bath. As I said it was weird, almost as though my brain was rebooting after a meltdown, which maybe it was. I hadn't been thinking of anything, nothing at all except the simple ways in which Ranger slowly awakened me from the abyss that I'd fallen in to. Was that a dream as well, wishful thinking on my part. So going back to his question I wasn't sure how to answer it.

"Better"

Was all I could think of saying because I suppose I was better knowing that Ranger was here with me but that brought a reaction that to be honest had me panicking slightly.

"Could you manage a small walk outside?"

Could I, of course I could.

"Yes"

I couldn't remember getting dressed but as I stepped out of a double door into the sunshine, I was wearing jeans and a sweater. The air smelt sweet and the slight breeze on my face was refreshing. A hand taking mine had me moving forward, one step at a time until we were walking through grass that had small flowers growing through it. I almost felt myself relaxing, though why I had no idea. Maybe it was the freedom that seeped into me from the air around me or even seeing the beauty of something as simple as the small delicate flowers that seemed to be welcoming me as their heads swayed back and forth. I wasn't too sure how far we walked, my mind acknowledging the simple action of walking, before small rocks appeared and we were looking down onto a pool of water. My attention was drawn to the sound of water falling and I watched mesmerized as the water fell over and between rocks before falling into a pool.

I was sat on a rock between Ranger's legs, my back to his front just listening to the never ending journey of the water as it bubbled over the rocks and then thundered down into the pool like a gigantic water spout. Where it toppled into the pool it bubbled and foamed sending ripples outward to slowly disappear. The sound was calming and mesmerizing as though calling out to me. The pool itself was clear, enabling me to see the rounded stones at the bottom, the fronds of plants waving gently in the depths.

I was totally lost in the depths of the water as Ranger began to talk, his voice soft and gentle like a feather across my senses.

"I come here to watch and listen to the water on its long journey to the ocean. It helps me to feel deep inside of myself, to center myself when I feel off balance. I don't need to think or question anything. It's almost like I become one with the water, the sound, the movement and the reflections"

I could understand what he was saying because being sat here I felt the same, it was almost as though the fog inside of my head was being washed away.

"There's only one other place that gives me that peace in the same way"

I was curious because I had never imagined that Ranger would need somewhere to help him to find tranquility like that. I knew that for me the place that I would go to in order to clear my thoughts, help clarify my feelings, had always been at the beach. There was something about the sound and sight of the waves as they pummeled the sand that engulfed my senses, almost washing away doubts and fears that were threatening to engulf me. They helped me to think, the sound and smell engulfed my senses until I felt that I was the one in control, control over how I dealt with something and rationalized my thoughts. There was another place as well, but I had never allowed myself to fully appreciate the power that it had over me, never wanting to become so reliant on it in case it was taken away from me and that was in Ranger's arms. He surrounded me with a blanket that warded off all hurt and anxiety, just like he was doing now.

"That's watching you while you sleep, holding you in my arms. You have that power over me Babe and I don't want to lose it. I need my Babe back"

I turned my head as he said that totally shocked at what he'd said. Okay I was aware of his night time visits to my apartment, when he would sit in the chair in the corner of my bedroom and watch me while I slept but I had never allowed myself to acknowledge to him that I knew of his visits. I suppose I was frightened that he might stop those visits and to be honest they made me feel cherished and cared for. A finger under my chin closed my mouth and hands surrounded my face.

"Babe, I'll do anything to keep you safe and with me"

Okay that definitely had me frowning. Did that mean that I was here with Ranger at a safe house? And what about the woman, Tali, or the fact that all of my things had been removed from his apartment? Or the pain and anguish that I seemed to infect people I was close to with.

"But I thought, I mean being here?"

I wasn't about to openly ask the questions that were racing through my head, let's face it, once he answered them then that would definitely shatter any denial that I was holding onto.

"Not a safe house, yes it's safe because this is where I come, it belongs to me and very few people know about it"

I inwardly sighed as I realized that having actually gotten to the bat cave, that it wouldn't be forever, how sad was that. I shivered involuntarily which of course Ranger noticed, so our quiet moment wasn't just interrupted, it was over.

"Let's get back to the house where it's warm"

I nodded and allowed Ranger to help me to my feet. My ankle was beginning to ache as we moved away from the pool and back into the meadow. With Ranger's arm around my waist supporting me we were soon in sight of the house. It wasn't what you would call a conventional building, its shape seemed to blend into the surrounding overhanging branches of the trees, in fact I found it difficult to distinguish where the roof ended, and the trees began.

"There's camouflage netting over the roof so it can't be seen from above and once the climbing plants take hold, they'll cover the walls as well"

Wow, it really was like a bat cave making me wonder where the bat mobile would be kept.

"The bedrooms are on the right of the building with the living areas to the left. The garage, office and gym are underneath"

I didn't know what to say as we started to walk forward again toward the side of the building where we came to the double doors that we'd walked out of. Just inside was a tiled area with shoe racks and hooks for coats. It also seemed to double as a laundry room with a washing machine and dryer. Ranger bent down and unfastened the laces of the boots that I was wearing, somehow, I hadn't remembered putting them on but then maybe my brain was still doing its booting up when that had happened. I felt refreshed coming into the house as though the cobwebs in my head were slowly being untangled and blown away.

Cobwebs and spiders came to my mind along with the name Charlie and Mylo.

"Mylo"

Came from me as Ranger gently guided me through a door and into what he had called the living space. I'd totally forgotten about Mylo.

"He's fine, he's with Ella and apparently loving it. Ella says that he really enjoys baking so they've planned to bring you a cake when they come here"

I didn't know what to say because I was still busy chastising myself for having forgotten about him. How could I have done that? Ranger led me over to a couch where I sat down and watched as he lit a fire in the hearth and then walked over to where I spied a kitchen area.

I dropped down onto the floor, gazing at the fire as the flames licked their way up the sides, the colors flickering between orange, red and yellow. I was so lost in watching the flames that I jumped slightly when I felt Ranger next to me. He handed me a very large mug that had steam swirling above it before he sat down next to me. Across his knee was a tray with another mug on it and a plate that held bread. Blowing across the top of the mug I tentatively sipped at the liquid inside, instantly recognizing the smell and taste. Ella's chicken noodle soup. Taking a piece of bread that had butter spread across it I was soon relishing the comfort that came from something so simple and had soon emptied my mug and finished the bread.

"Do you want some more?"

Looking over to Ranger I shook my head, no, I felt full and warm with what I'd had and didn't want anything more. I placed my mug back onto the tray next to Ranger's and watched as he leant over to place the tray on the floor. When he sat back up his arm came around my shoulders and pulled me to him, his legs stretched out in front of him. We both sat like that, watching the fire, the silence comfortable.

"Why did you leave Babe?"

I suppose I knew that at some point I would have to give some sort of explanation, but I hadn't prepared exactly what I would say to Ranger, so his question caught me off balance.

"I didn't want people's lives wrecked because of me"

"How do you think that could happen?"

Okay, go with the obvious, go with the reasons that had made me leave, well most of them.

"It hit me that I was probably hurting people, my parents and friends. I never thought about how what had happened would impact on them or what they must have thought about me"

I turned and looked at Ranger when he didn't say anything, in fact, he was just looking back at me as though waiting for me to say more. I pulled my knees up to my chest and rested my chin on them, still watching the fire as though the flames could somehow help me with the words I needed to say.

"I didn't want you being arrested for hiding me, your business is too important to you and I didn't want to be responsible for wrecking your personal life"

Okay, I'd said it without giving away too much, without sounding like a sulking child who was incredibly jealous and desperately hurting.

"Babe, you are everything that is personal in my life. I would never have let the police find you"

"I couldn't keep running, they were right, everything they said was right. I'm a total screwup"

I felt myself being pulled against Ranger's chest, one arm around my back with the other holding my knees to him.

"They're wrong, you are strong, brave and incredibly determined. You always accomplish what you need to do"

"At what cost though?"

I said remembering the words that Joe had shouted at me over and over again.

"There is no cost Babe. Who told you differently?"

This reminded me of the last time that I'd spoken to Ranger but somehow I never got to tell him exactly why I was upset. I had been so confused and upset with how the takedowns that week had gone that I began to question if it really was me, if what Joe had said was right. That I was no good at my job. That I bungled everything, getting myself hurt and that it would end disastrously, with someone getting hurt. He'd said I was destined to be his wife where it was safe and where I could overcome the fear of being a housewife and mother because he would be there to support me. Maybe Ranger deserved to know what had happened and to be honest I was thinking that maybe it would help me to tell someone.

"I began to question everything about myself. Joe and my mother were telling me that I really had to change my life. Some takedowns had gone so horribly wrong and Joe was there to say that he told me so. Then I had a really good take down, no paint or oil and my car was intact, and it had me wondering how that had happened. It was little things that began to niggle at me, which was why I wanted to talk to you"

I felt Ranger go still before his hand continued to rub up and down my back, oh shit, why had I told him?

"I didn't know it was about that Babe, I thought you were wanting to talk about your relationship with Morelli. You seemed annoyed at him and I thought that it was something that you needed to work through on your own"

I looked up at him to try and judge if what he'd just said was true. How had I managed to totally miscommunicate what I wanted to talk to him about, then again, I suppose Ranger wouldn't want to get involved in anything between Joe and me.

"What were the things that began to niggle at you?"

Trust Ranger to focus in on that.

"It was just before I saw you, I felt that Joe was right, I was no good at my job. He'd said it so often, along with my mother that I started to believe them. That maybe I was only ever destined to be what they wanted me to be, that they were actually saying those things because they cared for me. After I'd seen you, I knew that I had to sort myself out, I spent part of the weekend at the beach because I wasn't sure that being a Burg wife was what I wanted to become, and it got me thinking. I kept asking myself, how did Joe know about all of the disasters. I had never told him what had happened, and Lula and Connie swore it wasn't them.

So I went to see Les Sebring and told him that I thought someone was sabotaging my take downs. He was a sweetheart, he agreed for one of his apprehension officers to bring in one of mine, he got the reward of course. Turns out it was Jeanne Ellen and she ended up getting rotting fish dropped on her as she went up the staircase. She was so annoyed that she carried on up to the top floor and just about beat the shit out of the skip. He swore that it wasn't him and there was no smell in his apartment or on him. Joe had a go at me about it, thinking that it was me that had been attacked"

"Someone was setting you up"

I just answered not really taking note of how he'd know that.

"Yeah, Joe"

The way Ranger stopped moving his hand up and down my thigh had me looking up at him and almost flinching when I saw how tight the muscles in his face were. I didn't expect him to react like that.

"I followed up with some of those skips and found a mechanic who admitted it was him that had targeted you. He did it to avoid being charged with auto theft but had no idea who it was that set it up"

In some ways I was almost relieved that Ranger had managed to find out what I had, because it meant that it wasn't me thinking that I was seeing things that weren't there or over reacting, but I was then concerned with how he had found out.

"Why, I mean why did you look?"

"I was worried about you after you went missing and the fact that Lula and Connie said you would never ask Morelli for help had alarm bells ringing. Couldn't trace it back to anyone though and to be honest I didn't even consider it being Morelli, that he'd do something like that to you"

I suppose that confirmed what I knew, but it hurt. Joe had put me in danger in order to belittle and berate me so that in desperation I would do exactly what he wanted me to do. How fucking sad was that, how sick was that. In some ways it made sense. I'd made a decision three months ago to break away from Joe, permanently. At first, he'd just assumed that I'd change my mind but when that didn't happen, he started turning up at places where I was, trying to use his charm to get me to change my mind. My parents, the Tasty Pastry or McDonalds and even the bonds office.

That was followed by him arriving at my apartment with take out food. Looking back, he was almost as bad as a stalker but his last method of weaseling back into my life had almost worked. He'd fed my insecurities. "He used emotional stress to try and make me get back with him"

"You'd broken up from him?"

I looked up surprised at Ranger's question and then realized that I must have said that last thought out loud. I nodded my head. I hadn't wanted everyone talking about the breakup so hadn't said anything to anyone, the problem was that Joe's behavior had probably convinced people that we were still together, Ranger included.

"Three months ago"

I rested my head on Ranger's chest, looking back toward the fire. The flames had died down, but the wood was glowing with a rich deep red, throwing its heat across the room. Talking had helped, helped me to realize that what had happened wasn't because of me, but the problems that I was facing now made what Joe had done seem insignificant. Maybe I needed to face those, but not now, denial was still the preferable place to be. If I didn't think about it then it couldn't be happening, could it.

RPOV

As we sat in front of the fire, I felt Steph relaxing against me so tightened my hold around her. Knowing that she had fallen asleep gave me a chance to think through what had happened since her arrival yesterday.

To say that she had emotionally and mentally shut down was an understatement. Seeing her dressed in that orange jumpsuit, her skin so pale and her eyes, it was as though there was nothing behind those eyes, had taken my breath away. I had never expected for her to be so lifeless and to be honest it had really worried me.

The first thing that I did was to take her through to the bedroom and remove those clothes, wrapping her in a thick robe that Ella had provided. While she'd sat on the bed, I'd run hot water into a tub, added salts that might help her to relax and that smelt good. Removing the robe, I'd lowered her into the water, supporting her head above the water. At no time did she react to me. She never spoke or even looked at me. Asking her anything had no effect and as I removed her from the tub I was starting to despair with her condition.

Steph followed simple commands so I did the only thing that I could think of, I fed her, spoon by spoon, with ice cream. The only consolation was that she seemed calm as she slept in my bed. I had been worried that maybe she might suffer from nightmares, but her sleep was as frozen as the rest of her.

After swapping messages with Tank and Santos, I'd showered and then spent time sat watching her sleep. It didn't give me the same feeling of calm that doing that would normally do. I hadn't realized just how much the small movements and sounds as she slept were part of the allure for me. Slipping between the sheets had felt strange with a space between us, a physical space that almost shouted out to me the emotional space as well.

I'd woken in the early hours of the morning unsure of why, everything seemed quiet, and it was then that I realized that Steph had moved and was now laid against me, her head was resting on my shoulder and her arm was across my chest. That simple movement had lifted my spirits, she had reacted to me being with her.

I woke as the sun started to rise but didn't move, I was waiting for Steph to wake up, to see if there was any improvement. I felt movement and preempted her moving away from me by tightening my hold around her waist. As Steph raised her head to look at me, I needed to know if she would react to me asking her a question.

"How are you feeling?"

It seemed to take an age for her to reply as though she had to focus very hard on the answer but when it came it was everything that I could wish for.

"Better"

I felt as though she was beginning to break out of the despondency that she'd fallen into so pushed again with a suggestion.

"Could you manage a small walk outside?"

"Yes"

Had me moving slowly from the bed to prepare the both of us for an outdoor experience. I was going to be taking Steph to somewhere that was special to me, hoping that it would have the same impact on her as it did on me.

Watching the embers of the fire and holding Steph as she slept, I felt that she'd made so much progress today. I'd totally underestimated her and totally misunderstood her reason for talking to me all those weeks ago and for that I felt like shit. Like everyone around her I misread the signals, probably because it was Morelli putting out the signals.

I had no idea that she'd eventually given him the boot and certainly had no inkling of the danger that he was putting her in. Why would a man go to those lengths when the woman didn't want him or was that it, his ego had been bruised or he thought he had some sort of ownership over her, a need to control her. Steph would never be controlled so he didn't know her and certainly didn't love her.

There was no doubt in my mind that he had hidden her gun in her bag with the intention of her being stopped by some rookie who would charge her with carrying concealed. A charge that might put an end to her job as a bounty hunter and tether her to him. I'd deal with him soon because it was because of his selfish behavior that Steph had now been charged and had to go through the distress of the last week.

That though felt like the tip of the iceberg. Yes, Steph would be sensitive to the thoughts of others but as far as I was concerned only a true friend would stand by her, the rest weren't worth worrying about. Her mother? I had no idea how that could ever be resolved especially if Steph ever remembered the vehement dialogue that she'd received from her mother at the courthouse. There was something else that was holding Steph back, something else that had created such a conflict inside her and I had a feeling that I might be the cause, well not me personally.

I carefully lifted Steph and laid her on the couch before adding more wood to the fire. I prepared a meal for us to have later before picking up my laptop and sitting back down on the floor, leant against the couch. I read through an email from Hanley pleased when he thought that the case against Steph was all circumstantial and that he was already building a case to defend her. My reply was to thank him and to say that I might have the person who had slipped her gun into her bag. Did Morelli realize exactly what he had done, I had no doubt about that and that probably accounted for his strange behavior.

Finishing I thought back to what Santos and I had been talking about before I came here. Hopefully I'd allayed the fear that Steph had for being in a safe house but then three things suddenly hit me and they were all concerning Tali. It had been Tali who had tried to remove her from the zoo and Tali who had been in the apartment after Brown left. Then there was the way that Tali had spoken at that meeting, which I was pretty sure Steph had overheard. Steph had totally misread exactly who Tali was and hearing what she had said had probably scared her. Add to that the fact that none of Steph's belongings were in my apartment made a pretty convincing theory as to where Steph's mind had gone. It also had me knowing where my next conversation with her would be heading to.