"Jayfeather."

"Frostfur. Where are the others?" Jayfeather asked, looking around for his other three guardians.

"Right here," Speckletail said and Jayfeather turned to see her, Loudbelly, and Shadepelt approaching. She purred and circled him before sitting down beside Jayfeather, something akin to pride on her face. "You made it."

Jayfeather couldn't help but smile. "We did."

"And how do you like it?"

"I didn't realize how much I missed being in a clan," Jayfeather purred, eyes brighter than they had been in seasons. "Not having to travel everyday, having a proper nest to sleep in, regular meals…"

Jayfeather trailed off and met Shadepelt's eyes. They were brimming with something Jayfeather couldn't read.

"But is it home?" she asked softly and Jayfeather's face fell a bit.

He paused, thinking. Was it home? He slept with the scent of herbs around him but Briarlight wasn't a few pawsteps away from him. Lionblaze and Dovewing were patrolling but their orders weren't given by Brambleclaw. The three were strangers in the camp, even more so than the Daylight Warriors that came and went.

"Riley and Bella like it here…" Jayfeather started hesitantly.

"But is it your home?" Shadepelt repeated with intense conviction.

"Those two are young and they will fit into clan life well, regardless of the clan," Loudbelly spoke. "You, not so much. You need to find your home."

"My home is ThunderClan!" Jayfeather snapped suddenly, overtaken by a rush of emotion. At another time, he might've disagreed with himself but right now he was angry, frustrated by the StarClan cats' questions. He was trying his hardest, okay? It didn't really matter if this was home or not. It was good enough. "There is nowhere else I can call home!"

Frostfur hushed him, moving to his side and running her tail down his spine. "At peace Jayfeather."

Jayfeather tucked in his haunches but a troubled look remained on his face. Speckletail butted his shoulder softly. "I know you're in an impossible situation but you still deserve to be happy."

"I don't know if I've ever been happy." Except with Half Moon but left unsaid even though it was probably true. Jayfeather was just so tired. He didn't want to keep fighting. But there was no way to just… stop. Cats couldn't just… Wait.

There was one option and he hated himself for even considering it. The life of a kittypet- No. No, no, no. He couldn't be thinking this. But why shouldn't he? He wasn't a clancat anymore. He wasn't bound to the warrior code and these Daylight Warriors were as much a warrior as the cats that lived in the gorge. They still hunted for their friends, fought to protect, and held onto their senses of loyalty.

But he didn't want to be a Daylight Warrior. He wanted to rest. And he could do that under the protection of a twoleg. The Warrior code rejected the soft life of a kittypet because it was dishonorable and encouraged disloyalty. But Jayfeather's loyalty was fractured and he lost his honor. The only thing left standing in his way was his pride and he was willing to set that aside for a soft life.

Not needing to worry about food, shelter, or territory; not needing to worry about taking care of himself, others, or those who haven't been born yet; not needing to worry about having enough herbs, whether he was strong enough, or if his clanmates were okay- It was so appealing. Kittypet food was kind of gross and he heard that the water wasn't the best but they had comfortable pelts to sleep on. And supposedly twolegs could be very loving, especially the kits. Each nest was like a little family. And he desperately wanted that love.

But he already had it, didn't he? He still had Dovewing and Lionblaze. And Ravenpaw and Barley, he supposed, but they were going home so- actually, come to think of it, living at Barley's barn wouldn't be so bad. Not quite the life of a kittypet but not quite the life of a loner. It sounded peaceful. But would Lionblaze and Dovewing want that?

No. No, they didn't. Lionblaze was a warrior through and through. He'd never want to give up. And Dovewing wouldn't be happy in a twolegplace. Too much noise, for one thing, not to mention she always had a strong sense of purpose. Being dutiless would hurt them both. Neither would embrace that life so neither could he.

By the stars, he wanted to. But he couldn't. And everyone knew it.

The four star pelted elders seemed to sense his sadness and coiled around him, taking seats beside him and pressing against his pelt. And they just sat like that until Jayfeather woke up alone in a camp that wasn't his home, feeling as numb and lost as ever.

Llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

When Sharpclaw asked if he wanted to join a patrol, Lionblaze couldn't say yes fast enough. He missed this. It surprised him, actually. Jayfeather was so quick to turn his back on the lake clans that Lionblaze could help but follow his lead. Yeah, he'd been pretty bitter about what the clans had done and he still was but Lionblaze was realizing he didn't have as much hate as he thought.

Lionblaze liked to think he was a strong cat but he knew he wasn't the brightest. Oh, he wasn't dumb by any means but for the most part, he didn't strive for more than he had. He was happy in the life he lived and set in his ways. Others always guided his paws. For most of his life, he was taught to live within the clan system. His bitterness made the loss of it almost painless but it was still there. The routine of living in a camp was just so familiar. It wasn't his camp but his paws just knew what to do.

Patrols had been such a constant in his life for so long. Afterall, most of a clan cat's life was spent on patrols. Guarding the border, hunting… Actually repairs were done in patrols as well. And searches. And investigations. And battle patrols. But the point was that daily patrols gave him all those old feelings. A sense of purpose almost. It just felt like that was what he should be doing.

Sharpclaw assigned Lionblaze to a patrol led by Billystorm. The tom had a twoleg-given name but Lionblaze didn't see a speck of kittypet in him. He was a respectable warrior and Lionblaze was glad to be around him. The other two cats were ones Lionblaze didn't recognize but Bouncefire and Stormheart seemed like decent cats

"We're heading to the twolegplace border," Billystorm told him as the patrol padded out of camp.

"How come? Don't those kittypets cross it everyday?" Lionblaze asked, tipping his head.

Bouncefire waved his ginger tail. "They're not kittypets. They're Daylight Warriors. They are welcome but the markers serve to let the rest know that they aren't."

Lionblaze didn't really understand but he nodded and just kept walking. His happy bliss was faded, tainted by some kind of foreign feeling. He tried not to let it bother him. SkyClan was a fifth clan estranged from the other four. He was naive if he thought it would be the same.

Lionblaze wasn't quite used to SkyClan scent yet but the border was drenched in twolegplace scent. Why they let kittypets in the clan, he didn't understand. Their scents weren't even the same and all they did was scare off prey so they couldn't mark the borders or feed the clan. He just didn't understand it. It went against everything a clan existed for.

A small voice reminded him that his scent was different too and he didn't know the territory well enough to hunt either but he just ignored that.

Wait, his scent didn't match. Should he help lay down scent markers?

"Bouncefire, Stormheart, spread out and start putting down the markers," Billystorm ordered before turning to Lionblaze. "Lionblaze, look around for anything unusual. And let me know if you see any of the Daylight Warriors. We usually run into them around now."

Lionblaze nodded and turned away, tail tip twitching in annoyance but did as he was told and padded a few fox lengths away from the group. He let out a sigh, his earlier happiness gone. Now there was only irritation and maybe just a little bit of guilt and self-directed anger. He shouldn't have expected things to be so simple. But, he still wanted to be here. He didn't want to have to live. He wanted to be accepted. He wanted to have a home. He wanted to be in a clan again. So he did what he was told without complaint.

He kept his ears pricked, keeping track of his patrolmates by listening to their pawsteps on the dry earth, but wandered off a bit to sniff around. There were a lot of scents. Mostly SkyClan with some twolegplace scents wafting over from the stone jungle in the distance. It was quite obvious cats were bringing the scent here by walking over the border. Lionblaze wrinkled his nose in disgust. Really, how could they stand such an odor?

"Hey," a voice Lionblaze didn't recognize said after he'd been wandering for a bit. Lionblaze looked up and came face to face with a big grey tom padding over the border. "How's prey running?"

Lionblaze tilted his head, trying not to gag at the scent of twolegplace on the tom's fur. This must be one of the Daylight Warriors. He hadn't really spoken to any of them but this cat looked like a sturdy fighter. He couldn't really complain about him being a soft kittypet now could he?

"I haven't been hunting," Lionblaze answered, tucking in his haunches to sit down. This cat seemed nice enough. "I think the birds are pretty active today though."

The tom nodded thoughtfully. "Good to know. Got to fill the hungry bellies, am I right?"

Lionblaze nodded and started to respond when he heard an explosive yowl. Suddenly, the SkyClan cats were at his side, hissing wildly at the newcomer. The tom jumped to his feet and without a word, ran back toward the twolegplace.

"What are you doing?" Lionblaze demanded, alarmed, a bit sad that the patrol had scared off his new friend.

"We're done laying scent markers," Billystorm told him, turning away. "Come on. We're going back to camp."

Lionblaze wanted to ask why they had been so hostile toward that cat and if they knew who he was but he knew it wasn't his place. He bit his tongue and followed Billystorm back to camp with an unhappy feeling in his heart.

Lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

"As you all know, SkyClan has recently taken in a group of strangers. Three sunrises have passed since their arrival and it is time to hear Leafstar's decision."

Dovewing shifted her paws nervously. This was it, wasn't it? What happened in the next few heartbeats would determine her future. By StarClan, she hoped she could stay. She was so tired of traveling. She just wanted a home.

Sharpclaw stepped away from the head of the clan, letting Leafstar take her place. The she-cat drew herself, looking down on the clan, before speaking. "Our visitors must leave."

…What?

"What? Why?" Ravenpaw demanded, getting to his paws. "Even Riley and Bella?"

Dovewing could barely hear him. Her gaze went blank and her mind began spiraling. They had to leave. They didn't have a home. Oh StarClan, they were going to spend the rest of the world wandering, weren't they? The world was so big, she just wanted to find a place to call home. Was that really so much to ask?

Blaring sounds began to fill her ears but Jayfeather nipped her shoulder with his teeth before she could lose herself in the noise. She flinched but the stinging pain grounded her enough to reel her senses back in. She wasn't about to lose control of her powers in the middle of a crowded camp.

She wasn't really sure how much time passed- her vision was kind of hazy and her perception of the immediate world around her was distorted- but before she knew it, Jayfeather was guiding her out of the camp. Ironic, the blind cat leading the one with the greatest senses, but Dovewing didn't care. Jayfeather could sense what was going on in her mind and Dovewing was grateful the former medicine cat knew exactly how to help her.

She felt like she was sleep walking. Her movements were jerky, like her pawsteps were being controlled by a cat very far away, and her face was blank. Her mind was active yet subdued at the same time. It was so strange but so familiar.

Eventually they came to a stop and Dovewing managed to fixate on a nearby sound, focusing on its repetitive pattern until she was back in control. She then realized it was just Lionblaze running his claw down a stone, gaze locked on her with worry.

"Thank you," she breathed gratefully.

"Are you okay?" Bella asked.

"What happened?" Riley questioned.

Ravenpaw drew them away with his tail. "Dovewing can hear the world, remember? She just got lost in it's noise."

That was a good way to phrase it. Dovewing shook out her pelt. "I… Sorry."

Lionblaze shook his head. "You didn't do anything wrong."

"And it's not like that's the first time that's happened," Jayfeather reminded. "We can all lose control of our powers."

Could they? There were still a few lingering echoes of the trance she just snapped out of but now all she could focus on was all the times she'd seen Jayfeather and Lionblaze use their powers. Could Lionblaze lose himself in battle? Could Jayfeather lose himself in another cat's mind or in his dreams? Had they before? Would they soon? Would she keep losing herself more and-

"Come on," Barley interrupted. "We should keep moving. We don't want to loiter around SkyClan territory for long."

"But I don't want to leave SkyClan," Riley said in a small voice.

"I know," Ravenpaw sighed, voice and eyes full of pain and sympathy. "But we have to."

"I'm sorry," Lionblaze murmured, eyes round with guilt.

"What exactly happened?" Dovewing whispered to Jayfeather as Ravenpaw coaxed the kits into moving.

"Strange cats have been crossing SkyClan's border and attacking the Daylight Warriors on their way to the camp," Jayfeather told her. "Leafstar and Sharpclaw thought having experienced warriors like you and Lionblaze, an extra medicine cat, and some new cats to train would make them stronger if these cats ended up a threat but-"

"I talked to one of the cats yesterday," Lionblaze interrupted. He sounded hollow. "I didn't recognize him so I thought he was a Daylight Warrior. Billystorm told Leafstar and Sharpclaw and they decided they couldn't risk us weakening their defenses or worse, be spies."

"Spies?" Dovewing echoed. That was ridiculous! "But we're ThunderClan cats! And we have kits and two loners with us!"

"I know," Jayfeather sighed, "but you have to understand Leafstar and Sharpclaw must put their clan's safety first before compassion."

"I'm sorry everyone," Lionblaze spoke up, glancing at Bella and Riley. "I ruined it for all of us."

"It's okay," Bella said quietly.

"No, it's not," Lionblaze argued. "If I hadn't-"

"You didn't know," Bella interrupted.

"Besides," Riley jumped in with a tone of false optimism, "if they're mean enough to turn us away without explaining, I don't think I really want to live with them anyway."

"I…" Lionblaze trailed off, seemingly losing himself in thought. His maw twisted into a frown and his eyes became sharp as he stared at the ground in front of his paws. What he was thinking, Dovewing didn't know. But he was definitely reevaluating the situation.

"So what will you do?" Jayfeather asked as the group headed toward the river leading to Barley's barn.

"Go home I guess," Barley answered with a shrug as they came to a stop on the riverbank. "These two will make fine mousers, especially with Ravenpaw and I teaching them."

"Good luck," Dovewing whispered, nosing Bella's ear affectionately. "I'll miss you."

"You're not coming with us?" Bella asked, face stricken. Dovewing felt her belly flip with guilt. They'd just been rejected from SkyClan and now they had to say goodbye to their friends. Such a terrible thing for kits to go through. Why was fate so cruel?

Dovewing shook her head. "I don't think we'd be happy living at the barn."

"You wouldn't be happy with us?"

Dovewing's heart cracked a little more. "No, of course we would. Really, I'll miss you a lot. It's just…"

"The barn isn't your home," Riley realized aloud with a note of wisdom.

"I- yeah. It's not our home."

"But where is?" Ravenpaw asked quietly.

"I'm not sure," Lionblaze answered, frowning. He glanced at Jayfeather. "Should we head to the mountains? Do you think the tribe would welcome us?"

Jayfeather shook his head. "We're not going to the mountains. At least not yet."

"Then where are we going?" Dovewing asked, searching her mind for any other places she knew of. "The sundrown place?"

Jayfeather's blind gaze stared into the distance. He let out a long, tired sigh. "No. The three are going to the twolegplace."

Author's Note: Bam. Bet you weren't expecting that.

Most of this story is flow of consciousness rather than detailed plans so sometimes the characters get a bit angsty and the descriptions of everyone's powers are just what make sense to me. If you remember, earlier on Dovewing lost control of her powers like this and Jayfeather and Lionblaze have showed signs of coming close. More of that coming up.

Can anyone guess who Lionblaze was talking to?

We don't see the barn cats again but some reviews expressed interest in that storyline so I am considering writing some kind of continuation.

Edited 4/8/2021: A bit added, a few sentences changed.