"I fell in love with Jess the moment she walked through the door."
(Nick, 3x15 "Exes")

"Nick, you have been in love with this girl from the moment you opened the door and you first laid eyes on her."
(Schmidt, 6x22 "Five Stars for Beezus")

Nick slowly entered the loft, still working on shoving his disappointment deep down inside him and appearing casual. He had plenty of experience in the area. As soon as he stepped inside, he was immediately met by Schmidt. "There you are! Hurry up! She's here."

Nick glanced around the apartment, but didn't see any sign of an extra guest. "OK, where is she? In the refrigerator?"

Schmidt laughed humorously. "Don't be stupid. I would never put a girl in the refrigerator. She wanted to try out the elevator a couple more times. She said she never goes anywhere where there's an elevator."

Nick raised an eyebrow. Schmidt just shrugged, smiling. "She'll be right here."

He went to head back into the interior of the apartment, but then quickly turned back to Nick with a cheeky grin. "And I was right… she IS hot!"

He then leapt over to the couch where Coach was waiting. Nick sighed and took a seat beside Schmidt. He thought for a brief moment about sharing with his two roommates about how he actually had a desire to talk to a woman, but immediately decided against it since it had led nowhere. He knew that if he shared this valuable information, they would mercilessly exploit it by trying even harder to get him to talk to other girls.

No. This he would keep to himself for sure. Now, at least he knew he was headed in a somewhat positive direction. Sure, he hadn't actually talked to that girl in the red dress, but he had been ready to do it. Maybe it would've gone horribly, maybe she was weird or crazy, maybe he would've chickened out at the last minute… but he'd like to think it was at least a good sign. Maybe?

There was a knock at the door. Schmidt perked up at the noise excitedly, but then instantly laid back on the couch, posing in what he must've assumed looked cool and casual, but Nick thought it looked like he was suffering from a head injury.

"Nick, answer it," Schmidt said.

"Why me?" Nick asked, irritated.

"Because we need to set the mood of the apartment," Schmidt explained as though it were totally obvious, "Coach and I are just chilling on the couch like real men— the bros, the homies—"

"We're not bros," Coach interjected.

"Don't say "homies"," Nick added.

"And Nick…" Schmidt continued as though they hadn't interrupted him, "You're obviously the lazy, sloppy roommate…" Nick frowned at him, "…who managed to pull himself off the couch just for her. So she'll feel special."

Nick rolled his eyes and grumbled to himself as he got up off the couch, deciding not to argue with Schmidt since the girl had already been waiting outside the door the entire time they had been arguing.

He was still grumbling as he opened the door and halfheartedly gave a greeting, "Hell— oh..." But then he nearly choked on his own words. It the very same girl who had been lying on the sidewalk just moments ago standing right in front of him!

She bounced on the balls of her feet and gave him a wide smile. ""Hell— ohhh" to you too," she said in a poor imitation of his voice.

Nick could only stare at her in shock. It was definitely her. There was no mistaking that bright red dress. He noticed a large dirt stain on her leg that looked like she had tried to rub away without success.

Now, seeing her close up, he found that she was incredibly pretty. She had long, dark hair, unusually large blue eyes, a nice figure, and pristine skin. She just got better and better. She made him laugh and was beautiful.

Plus, she just radiated something else that he couldn't quite put his finger on. She sort of glowed with energy. It was as though a rainbow and a sunbeam had a baby and she was it. It was drawing him in and he suddenly felt the urge to do something crazy like... buy her flowers! No... go out and pick her fresh flowers! Nick Miller- the grumpiest grump to ever grump- wanted to go out to a field and pick flowers! In actual nature!

She suddenly cleared her throat. "I'm Jess," she said with a perky voice, though she sounded a little uncomfortable, "I'm here to look at the apartment."

Nick snapped out of it, realizing he had been staring at her. "Uh, yeah, yeah. Hi. Um…"

He stepped out of the way and let her inside. She immediately stepped past him and came in. She gave the interior a quick once over before Nick led her towards the couch. He gestured to the chair across from them which she awkwardly lowered herself into. Nick then took his place beside Schmidt once again.

None of them said anything, all just staring at her. Nick was still blown away by her and wondered what the other guys were thinking. She cleared her throat. "Um, I'm Jess. Jessica Day, actually, but uh, everyone calls me Jess. You know…" She paused and then said softly, "That's my name, don't wear it out."

Still, no one said anything to her. She un-crossed her legs and re-crossed them differently. "This is apartment 4D, right? You posted the ad for a new roommate?"

"Yeah, yeah," Schmidt said.

"Yep," Nick added at the same time.

"That's us," Coach chimed in.

"OK," she replied, nodding, "Umm… what are your names?"

Schmidt immediately leapt into action before the rest could respond. "This is Coach, this is Nick," he said, pointing to each respectively. He then grinned and held out his hand to her, palm up, "And I'm Schmidt."

She looked at his palm, unsure for a moment before placing her fingers in his hand, and he kissed them. Both Nick and Coach looked at him in disgust. "What are you doing?" Coach asked.

"Just greeting the lady properly," Schmidt said, "Like a gentleman."

"You're being weird, man," Nick told him.

Jess quickly moved on from the encounter. "So uh, did you have any questions for me?"

Questions… questions! Nick had always thought that this was some big joke. Or that any girl who was insane enough to want to live with a bunch of guys wouldn't need serious questions so he hadn't bothered thinking up anything. But now looking at her… he felt like he had to treat her with respect. She was completely genuine in her interest, he could tell. Why? He would probably never understand and after spending some time around them (especially Schmidt), she would most likely change her mind, but he had to treat her professionally.

"Um, uh…" he stumbled over himself. He could feel everyone's eyes turn on him. The longer he looked into those huge blue eyes, the harder it was to concentrate. Why did she have to be beautiful? Why couldn't she be some weird hag like he assumed she would be. This would've all come so much easier.

Wasn't there some questions on his own application? What were they again? "Do you have any pets?" he finally came up with.

She looked at him and tilted her head, but she seemed to be looking through him as though she were lost in thought. Nick frowned in confusion. Was that a difficult question? He rather thought it required a yes or no answer, but the way she fidgeted after he asked that puzzled him.

She took a deep breath and finally said. "So you know in horror movies when the girl's like "oh my god, there's something in the basement. Let me just run down there in my underwear and see what's going on in the dark." And you're just like, "what is your problem? Call the police!" And she's like "OK." But it's took late because she's already getting murdered. Well… my story's kinda like that."

Nick stared at her, completely confused. How had his question led to this? He glanced at Coach and Schmidt. Schmidt was nodding, intrigued, as though he completely understood what she was talking about (Nick couldn't quite be sure if it was genuine interest or not). Coach, meanwhile stared at her in complete bewilderment and Nick could tell he was ready to tune out soon. That was better than him snapping and yelling at her to shut up, he supposed.

Jess continued to ramble on with this completely random topic, telling them about how she had caught her boyfriend cheating when she had attempted to surprise him by posing as a stripper. It sounded like a very awkward situation all around to be sure. But Nick was still not entirely sure why she was telling them this.

She definitely liked to talk a lot and she described the weirdest, most innocuous stuff (like, why was it important to know what color the carpet was? Or if the sun was shining through the window in beams, not rays? Or if her cab driver smelled like roast beef?). If she had a point, she was taking her sweet time getting to it.

"…that's why I need a new apartment," she finally said. There was a pause as she nodded, clearly mulling over everything she had just said. "I'm sorry, what was the question again."

Nick glanced around, unsure if she would really hear him this time. "Do you have any pets?"