Emma wakes to a scream and something hitting her hard in the legs. She jerks up, gasping. Her nightmares have been getting better but her dreams are still vivid, detailed and exhausting. A laugh follows the scream as she tries to move her legs. Minnie crawls up the blanket, putting a little foot in her hip, a hand on her chest and pulling herself up to look at her. Minnie puts a little hand either side of her face and stares. Emma stares back into her big brown eyes, not sure what she's supposed to do next.
"Good morning." She tries.
Minnie shrieks and leaps off her, feet kicking off from all sorts of uncomfortable places.
"Good morning." She hears from the door.
Minnie crashes into Regina's legs and holds up her arms. Regina swings her up onto her hip with ease.
"Morning." Emma replies, wiping her face and hoping her hair is at the calm end of her bed-head spectrum.
"Did you sleep ok?"
"Yeah, pretty good actually."
"I'm making coffee before the madness starts."
"The madness?" Emma groans.
"There are six children upstairs who all need to wash, dress and eat before they go to school, Emma."
"Right," Emma reaches for her jeans which are slung over the back of the sofa, "just let me get dressed and I'll be with you."
"You don't have to, I'm sure I can handle it." Regina says.
Emma laughs. "You might be able to curse this town into the next plane of existence, tame a dragon, trick a chernabog and defeat every Dark One that ever was, but not one of the children in this house is scared of you, Regina." Regina looks like she doesn't know whether to be pleased or offended. "Give me five minutes."
"Fine." Regina says after a moment and turns to leave the study. Emma catches the smile that starts to curl the corner of her mouth.
She throws the blanket off, pulls on her jeans, checks her face in the mirror and leaves her shirt in the hallway with her jacket. She's going to have to go home and change anyway, her tank will do fine around the house.
The downstairs bathroom is pristine. There's a packet of toothbrushes and a tube of toothpaste by the sink. She takes one and goes to town. She hadn't bothered the night before and she regrets it now. She has a quick wash, choosing a towel from the bottom of the pile in case the ones on top are display towels. Her hair goes up and she's ready for battle.
When she enters the kitchen she sees Minnie sitting on the countertop watching everything Regina does with utter fascination.
"Okay, what's the plan?" Emma asks.
"Minnie just needs a change. The girls can use my bathroom to wash, the boys can use Henry's and there's the downstairs bathroom for Shan if they want their own space. I'll make breakfast for," She counts quickly on her fingers, "nine."
"Or we could go to the school via Granny's?"
"And have them as well nourished on sugar and salt as you are? I don't think so, Miss Swan."
"Fine." Emma goes behind Regina to get juice out of the fridge. She touches the small of her back and Regina stops slicing fruit. For safety, Emma thinks, ignoring the current of electricity passing from her skin to Regina's and back. It's so she doesn't nudge the knife off course.
"Can you finish this? I'll get Minnie dressed before it turns into total chaos upstairs." Regina says as she scoops Minnie up and quickly leaves the room.
Emma follows after a second. Maybe they should double team the kids, Emma could take the boys. She opens the door and catches a wisp of purple smoke. It's gone in a second but it's already in her, like a smell that gets caught in your nose, it's in her mind, her body reacts to it with a jolt and she becomes lightheaded.
Someone shouts upstairs and she goes. She runs, hoping to leave the sticky, aching left behind by the magic downstairs.
"I don't want to!" Someone shouts "You can't make me!"
A boy easily as tall as Regina bears down on her. Regina's body language is firm and her expression neutral. She doesn't seem fazed, but this kid is red-faced and upset.
"I don't want a stupid shower in your stupid house! I just wanna go home!" He yells.
"You're going to," Regina says calmly, "but you're going to school as usual first. Do you want to smell like smoke all day?"
"Look lady, I don't want to. No one can make me. I don't care if you're the Mayor. You can't touch me." He says, his face getting closer to Regina and Minnie in a way Emma Does. Not. Like.
"Hey, everything ok?" She asks as she gets to the top of the stairs.
Regina turns to her but Emma's looking at the kid. Henry and another boy look on from his bedroom. The girls peek out of Regina's bedroom door.
"Uh..." the kid's eyes grow wide as he sees her, "y-yeah."
"You getting in the shower? There's a queue and breakfast will be ready soon." She puts her hands on her hips. His eyes go to her arms and he backs way off Regina.
The boy next to Henry disappears back into the bedroom.
"Whatever." He says before heading into the bathroom.
The other kids disappear. She doesn't know what's going on. She hadn't shouted. She wasn't being scary. Henry, Regina and Minnie are the only ones left. Regina slides Minnie down to the floor and she toddles over to Henry. Henry looks to Regina for guidance and she tips her head up briefly. He closes the door and it's just them.
"Well you're right, they're not scared of me." Regina says with a sigh.
"Are they scared of me 'cause I'm police or something?" Emma asks.
"I don't think so, Emma."
"Then why?"
Emma looks down at her arms. Oh yeah. When she had thrust the dagger into the Darkness to save Regina it had curled around her arm, a crushing, burning pressure that left a twisted spiralling scar down her arm and across half her chest.
"Oh yeah. I'll put my jacket on." She turns to head down the stairs and swallows the lump in her throat.
"Emma." Regina catches her hand, the scarred hand and she turns back to her. "It's just a scar. Everyone has them. I have one on my face. Not so easy to hide." She smiles as Emma's eyes fall to her lips.
It's not the same. It's not the same. Emma's scar is a mark of darkness. She'll never truly move on as long as it reminds her every day how badly she failed.
"How did you get yours?" Emma asks.
Regina's smile slowly fades from her face. "My mother."
She hadn't expected that. "I'm sorry."
Regina shrugs. "I barely see it anymore."
"It's a beautiful scar, though. Is that a weird thing to say?" Fuck. "Doesn't it remind you?" Emma says, trying to cover her tracks.
"If anything it reminds me of what I have now that I didn't then." Regina says, holding her gaze.
"That's good." Emma nods and looks down.
"May I tell you what yours reminds me of?" She asks, thumbing the brand Darkness left on her hand. Emma nods, "It reminds me of what you did for me, for my happiness."
Emma smiles and thinks of how deeply Regina had wanted to believe in the soulmate thing, and how wrong it had all been. "Yeah, that didn't work out so great in the end though, did it?"
"It's not Robin's fault that he's-"
"A supreme asshole and a wet blanket?"
Regina tries not to smile at the ex-boyfriend solidarity hating she has never experienced before, "-not cut out for this life." Emma looks away again, down the stairs, wanting to leave conversations about darkness and Robin behind. "This scar doesn't mean darkness to me, Emma. It means l-"
"Regina?"
She turns to see one of the older girls at her bedroom door.
"I'll finish breakfast." Emma says and hurries downstairs before she can scare any more kids.
"You're not using magic" Henry accuses as she refills her coffee.
"I don't need to." Regina says.
"But usually you would." He says under his breath.
She sighs, "Henry."
"Mom, what you said about your magic, you were right, it's you. You can't hide it, but you're trying to." He frowns.
"Henry, please-"
He leans on the counter and watches while she avoids his eyes. "I know why. Don't think I don't, because I do. I'm not stupid even if you two are."
"Why are we stupid?" Emma asks, sauntering into the kitchen and reaching between them for the coffee pot.
"We're not stupid. Henry if you're ready go get in the car." Regina says.
"I'm going with Emma." He says as he stomps away.
"He's grumpy this morning." Emma says with a questioning look at Regina. She doesn't respond. "You ok?"
"I'm fine." She can practically see Emma's lie detector going off in her eyes. "We have a lot to do." She pushes past her and starts sending kids out to cars. She can feel Emma watching her. She just needs some space to clear her head.
When they arrive at the school some are quicker than others to go inside. Minnie clings to Regina like a koala as she carries her up the steps of the school.
"Hello Liana, looks like you've made a new friend." Snow greets them.
"Liana?" Regina looks down at her. She buries her face in her neck again. "Of course." She remembers now, although since they gave her a nickname everyone has been using it. "We've been calling her Minnie."
Snow glances at the freshly laundered Minnie Mouse tshirt. "Ah, of course. Well we don't teach mice at this school, we only teach children. Are there any children here?"
Liana peeks out and smiles. "Ah I think there are. I'll pick you up after school." Regina says and puts her down, though she still clings to her hand.
"You've made a lifelong friend there." Snow's smile is sweet and knowing, and she doesn't even mind. Snow's gaze is drawn past her and Regina turns to see what she's looking at.
Henry and Emma sit in the front seats of the bug. He's talking but his voice is raised. Emma is shaking her head. He slams the dashboard and Emma looks at him in shock. He stares back for a moment and gets out of the car.
"Be better!" He shouts and slams the door.
He doesn't look at her or Snow as he storms past them both. They both turn back to look at Emma. She leans on the car window with her hand over her eyes.
"I wonder what that was about." Snow says, looking at her daughter with concern.
"I think I can guess." Regina replies, dangling her insider knowledge in front of Snow with no intention of elaborating. Liana slips from her grip to follow Henry.
"See you later." Snow says. Regina nods.
She opens the passenger door of the bug and gets in. Emma turns to look at her but doesn't speak.
"We're going to the same place, we might as well carpool." Regina says, putting on her seatbelt.
Emma stares for a moment longer before starting the engine. "I'll drop you off. I need a shower and some new clothes."
"And tonight, will you be staying?" Regina asks.
"No"
They drive the rest of the way to city hall in silence. Emma bites at her lip and Regina tries not to watch her. If she doesn't want to say what's bothering her, she doesn't have to. When they pull up Emma switches off the engine.
"I'll see you later. I'll bring the kids home and help with dinner but I can't stick around." Emma says, deflated.
"Is there a reason you can't stick around ?"
"Everything you said, Regina. You shouldn't have to pretend in your own home. I've just...got my stuff. I don't want to inflict it on you."
"You're not inflicting anything on me."
"I am. Henry said so and he's right, you didn't do any magic around me last night."
"Last night was different." Regina says, thinking it might have been a hell of a lot easier with some magic to help things along.
"And if I stayed tonight would it be different? If I stayed would you do magic, or hold back even though you said you wouldn't? You say one thing and do another and I don't want to be the reason you fail standards you set for yourself. So I'll see you at work."
Emma doesn't look at her. Her hand is locked to the wheel as she stares straight ahead. Regina gets out and slams the door. She doesn't look back once, though she knows Emma is watching her walk away. She's so angry but at who? Herself? Emma? Henry? Has anyone behaved unreasonably? She's the one who said one thing and then did another. And now there will be no late night talks in the half dark that teeter on the edge of the thing they don't talk about. No shared looks when the children are funny. No person close by who just always knows. Her anger gives way to a need to just carry on. The car doesn't start and if it's still there when she gets to her office and glances out of the window, she doesn't care to acknowledge it.
That afternoon there's a big meeting about how to recover and rebuild after the fire. Emma doesn't talk much. Regina takes over. It's more logistics than anything else. The money for temporary accommodation is sourced without hesitation, money for repairs is found, plans to rebuild are sketched out, Archie's services are acquired for the people affected, Snow suggests some kind of get-together for people affected and people who want to help. Regina leaves that with Snow to deal with. The people in the hospital are mostly due to be released today or tomorrow. Still no fatalities, it looks like they're in the clear. The group kids will be back with Marissa in temporary accommodation by the end of the weekend.
Regina doesn't wait for Emma once the meeting is over, though she feels like she should. She feels like they have shared responsibilities, like this whole thing fell to them both, together, but Emma's putting distance between them that she has to respect. Or at least that's what she pretends is her reason. Really she just doesn't want to be around her at all after what she said in the car. She hasn't had time to process Emma's words or her own feelings.
Emma knocks on her office door for what is probably the first time ever.
"Hey, I just wanted to check what time you want a lift back to the school." She says.
"I can walk if it's such a problem." Regina answers without looking up. It's almost nostalgic. For a second she remembers the woman who tried to cut down her apple tree, a completely different Emma to the one crowding her office.
"Regina, I'm trying to do you a favour."
She looks up from where she stands by the window and closes the file she had been reading with a snap. "Emma. If you want to do me a favour you'll ask about how you ended it all. You'll listen and ask questions and understand instead of hoping it goes away." Regina walks towards her not unlike a very dangerous predator. "How are you ever going to get back to yourself if you keep pretending it never happened? You're not doing me a favour, you're excusing yourself. You feel like a martyr again and you think you're the only one who's hurt by any of it."
"Who else is hurt by me not spending time at your house?" Emma asks.
"Henry is." Regina says quickly, like an utter coward. She musters some strength. "And I am."
"That might be the nicest thing you've ever said to me." Emma mocks.
"Don't do that."
"Do what?"
"Don't joke about this like it's nothing."
"What is it then, if it's not nothing?" Emma asks.
"If you knew what happened, you would already have the answer to that question." Regina raises her voice.
"I am getting way mixed messages from you." Emma says. "You want to do magic, but you want me around. You want me to know, but you won't tell me."
"That's rich! You said you didn't want to know! You know what? Maybe you are doing me a favour after all. I have things to do, Miss Swan, you can show yourself out." Regina opens the file again and ignores her.
"God!" Emma shouts "I hate it when you do that!" Emma walks up, snatches the file and throws it across the room. Papers flutter to the ground everywhere as they face each other. Emma's chest is heaving. They're nose to nose. It takes every ounce of Emma's self restraint not to look at her lips, not to end this stupid fight by kissing her.
"Is this how I did it?" Emma asks, searching her eyes. "Is this what I did? Is this why I have dreams about our hands together tearing the Darkness out of me?"
Regina doesn't blink.
"Because that's what I dream about, Regina. I dream about being so close to you that it feels like you're inside me-"
Regina swallows and her eyes widen.
"-and I can't see anything but I know we're working together because I can feel your hands as if they were mine and our magic merges together and grows until my spine is tingling, and yours is tingling and where I was drowning in Darkness I become blinded by light, like sunlight but stronger-"
Her vision focusses back on Regina whose eyes are full of unreleased tears. Emma realises she's holding her arms pretty tightly and lets go. Regina stumbles away from her a little.
"I'm sorry." Emma wipes her mouth "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." She repeats as she backs away.
"Emma-" Regina's voice cracks and even though Emma turns her back to her as she reaches for the door she knows those tears have escaped and are scorching Regina's face. She's gone. Regina could catch up with her any second if she wanted to, and she prays she won't. What a line to cross, what a stupid, stupid thing to do. She pushes it all away, the feeling she gets when she remembers that dream, the safeness, closeness, belonging, kind of the same feeling she gets watching Regina hold Minnie. She won't let herself name it, but she knows it's home.
"Fuck." Emma pulls the car over suddenly. The kids need to be picked up from school soon. She checks her phone and has a message from Henry.
Zelena's helping mom tonight. Are you gonna be around? X
Emma drops her phone in the passenger seat, rests her head on the steering wheel and cries.
"SALAKADOOLA MENCHICABOOLA BIBBITY BOBBITY BOO." Zelena sings as she performs the most mundane tasks with magic and the kids giggle and laugh around her. Regina can't help but smile. Zelena's as much of a sucker for children as she is. She wonders if it helps them both to heal old wounds. Henry opens the kitchen door laughing.
"Mom, Zelena just made a pillow fort that doesn't fall down, it's so funny." He hops up onto the counter in Emma's spot.
"I'm glad, could you stir that pot for a moment?" She asks.
Henry doesn't move. "I can. But can't you just use your magic?"
She pauses, then nods and flicks her wrist. The pot stirs itself like a prop from a Harry Potter movie.
"Is that apple pie?" Henry grins.
"It's three apple pies, these children have the appetite of your mother."
She hears the swish of Henry's jeans stop as he no longer swings his legs. She continues chopping and swallows the lump in her throat. Suddenly she's enveloped by a pair of arms.
"I love you, mom." Henry squeezes her. How can he be big enough to wrap her up like this? She places the knife on the chopping board and holds his arms. They stand there long enough for Regina's thankfulness for him to overtake the pain she feels for herself.
Dinner is hilarious. Regina hasn't laughed so much in a long time. Zelena messes with all the kids and insists she isn't doing anything. Farah doesn't want to eat her rice and beans so Zelena makes them dance. One of the boys eats a slice of chilli after being dared by another and his skin turns completely red for a whole minute. Regina gets him a glass of milk while all the kids howl with laughter and Zelena eats her pastelon like nothing whatsoever is happening. Part way through Zelena explaining that in Oz everyone only eats green apples her nose starts to lengthen. The children giggle as she gets more and more animated until it grows into her line of sight and she shrieks and falls off her chair.
"Regina!"
"Yes?" She answers innocently.
"A duel!" Zelena stands up and swishes her finger to shrink her nose back to normal size.
"Absolutely not." Regina says, remembering being thrown into the clocktower by Zelena almost fondly.
"Why?"
"Because I'd win and I need your help to clear all of this up."
The children laugh.
"Alright, what if we use the children as weapons? Then there'll be no one to tidy up after."
The kids howl and Regina considers it. "How about instead, a marathon?"
"Ah," Zelena says, "a movie marathon?"
The children are practically leaping from their seats.
"Farah, Peter, Jama, help me clear the table please. Zelena, Shan, Ellie can you set up the living room please? Minnie, can you make sure they do it right?" Minnie giggles and shakes her head. Regina rolls her eyes and huffs. "Fine, Henry?"
"I'll supervise, will you help me?" He asks Minnie. She takes his hand and they go together.
Farah, Peter and Jama start to clear the table but Regina asks them to sit back down.
"I wanted to thank all three of you for helping with the other kids. I know this is hard for everyone and I really appreciate what you've done."
Jama watches her intently. Farah smiles briefly. Peter avoids her eyes all together.
"You're the oldest, but that doesn't mean you're not still kids. What do you all want to do tomorrow?" They look at each other but say nothing. "The younger ones will go along with things. What do you feel like doing? Movies, shopping, a trip out on a boat? My treat to say thank you."
"I don't really want to do anything." Peter says.
"I saved some money to go shopping, but Marissa might need it now." Farah says.
"Let me worry about Marissa. I would love to go shopping with you, I need some good advice and Zelena is useless." Regina rolls her eyes and Farah laughs.
"Do you want to see Marissa in the hospital?" she asks. Peter nods but the other two look unsure. "Do you want to go by yourself?" he nods again. "Do you want to take her some flowers?" He looks at her with the same look Emma gets sometimes when she thinks she's about to become too burdensome. "Have a think about it, whatever you choose will be on the house. The owner of Game of Thorns owes me a of favour."
Peter smiles for the first time in two days. "This morning..." He says and glances at the other two. They start to get up.
"Jama, will you let me know what you want to do when you've decided?" She asks.
"Oh, I'm coming shopping!" He smiles.
"Perfect." Regina smiles back and they leave.
"I hate school." Peter says. It's not what she expected.
"Do you want to talk about why?" She asks.
"No"
"Can I do anything to help?"
"Marissa says I have to stay in school, but I want to get a job."
"Why do you want a job?" she asks, crossing her legs and feeling like there's much more to this than wanting to feel grown up. His eyes water.
"The others, they ask for things all the time, but there's nothing to give. Marissa works really hard and she gives them what they need, but they shouldn't ask. I can't ask."
"What would make things better?"
"If they stopped asking for things all the time!" He says and his cheeks burn. "And if I get a job then we'll have more money and she won't have to worry."
"Ok. Why don't I speak to Marissa about some opportunities I know of?" His eyes light up. "She's still your guardian, it's not up to me it's up to her."
His face falls again, "She won't let me, she says I have to stay in school."
"Why don't I drop you off at the hospital tomorrow? I need to talk to Marissa anyway and I'll ask about this, and then you can stay as long as you want while I take those two shopping?"
"Ok"
"Ok. Do you want to talk about anything else?" He shakes his head. "Ok, how about we go and stop Zelena from putting on the Wizard of Oz?"
"Yeah." He gets up. "I hate that movie, the flying monkeys are so stupid."
"I agree." She says, thinking of Emma for the hundredth time this evening. She follows him out, turning back only to flick her wrist which restores the dining room to its usual pristine condition.
She texts Henry on and off all evening.
E: I don't think I can come by, kid. Xx
H: Why? What is it now? X
E: I just think I should leave you guys to it for now, I need to figure out what's going on with me. What are you doing? Xx
H: Watching movies. Zelena wanted Oz, then Snow White, so instead we're watching Lilo & Stitch and both of them are in a mood. X
E: That's a good movie! I wish I was there. Did dinner go ok? Xx
H: Ma, you should be here. Dinner was great. Shan said they were saving room for pie and Zelena levitated them off their seat and said they'd have to have more dinner to keep them on the ground because they were too light! Mom laughed a lot. There's still pastelon left but no pie if you want to come round. X
Emma's heart throbs.
"I want to, buddy, I really do." She says aloud to herself before she puts her phone in her back pocket and knocks on the door of a house on the edge of the woods.
"Sheriff, what a nice surprise." Archie says when he opens the door.
"Hey, I'm sorry it's so late. Can I talk to you?"
"It's never too late for you."
She smiles to gloss over the awkward feeling that he's referencing something she doesn't remember. Once she's holding a cup of rooibos tea and sitting in his living room she feels less like she needs to explain why she's there.
"Cold night, huh?" She says, looking at the wood fire.
"Very cold, no cloud cover so it's a great night for looking at the stars." She's both comforted and irritated by his optimism. "So, let's get down to it, Emma, I'm not going to force small-talk on you. How can I help?"
The irritation she felt evaporates. She's spoken to therapists before and she knows the only way to do it is with as much honesty as she can bear. She takes a deep breath.
"I don't remember what happened, and I need to if I'm going to keep all the people that I love and not push them away. I need to know so I know how to behave and...what the fuck happened to Killian? Everyone gets this pained look on their faces when he comes up and I think David is upset with me about something. Mary Margaret looks at me like I'm a wounded bird she wants to rehabilitate. Henry is so mad at me because Regina...I keep hurting her and I don't know how to stop. I feel better about everything when we're together. She lets me escape everything and just be, but by being there I trap her into only being half of herself. She stopped using magic around me because I asked her to and I feel awful." She wipes her eyes.
Archie stands by the window, still looking at the stars and drinking his tea.
"So you want to know so you can stop hurting Regina and why David is upset?"
"Yeah."
"But do you want to know for knowing's sake?" he asks.
"No!" She can't keep her tears at bay any longer, they pour like torrents. "I don't want to know, what if it's worse than what I am already imagining? What if none of my dreams are real and me and Regina didn't work together? What if I hurt Killian? What if I wouldn't do anything differently and then people can't forgive me because I'm not sorry for what I did? I'd do it again, I'd take the Darkness again to protect them." She means her but she can't quite say that out loud.
"And knowing the answers to all of these 'what if' questions, would that be worse than your ignorance? Worse than Snow's baby-bird look? You've had a lot of choices taken away from you in life, Emma. You've made decisions too, like to save Regina, but other big choices you've lost to other people. I can tell you what I know, and you can react however you need to, but you have to want to know."
She wipes her face and looks into the fire. She thinks of the light she makes with Regina in her dreams. She imagines the warmth of the fire is the warmth of their magic that permeates her body in her sleep. She lets herself feel it and believe it one last time before she lets Archie tell her it never happened. The moment with Regina, when they were more each other than they were themselves, that it wasn't real.
She wipes the last of her tears from her eyes and looks up. "Yep. Hit me."
Minnie is asleep on her chest. The snuffly noises she makes through her tiny nose are too cute to spoil by taking her upstairs to bed. If she sleeps the whole night through Regina will lie on the sofa, in her work clothes and sleep too so she can keep this moment of peace. She wonders if she should start calling her Liana, if calling her Minnie is erasing her identity. She manages to get her phone from her pocket without waking her. The movie has been turned down low. A couple of the children are asleep on the floor, most Zelena took to bed a while ago. ("I'm sleeping in your bed, by the way." She said as she carried Shan who was already falling asleep in her arms.) She manages to get her phone out of her pocket. Nothing from Emma. She's more disappointed than she can stand. She bites her lip for a moment.
R: Do you have somewhere to stay tonight? It's cold.
She sends it and immediately regrets it. Emma knows it's cold, she's out there, probably trying to sleep in her car like an idiot. She checks to see if it has been read but it hasn't. She watches the screen until it darkens and then she taps it again. She still hasn't read it. Maybe she's busy. Maybe she's asleep on Snow's sofa. The thought of Emma sleeping on the sofa in her mother's house boils her blood, but it is slightly preferable to the idea of her sleeping in her car where she would probably freeze to death out of trying not to burden anyone. She can't lie here and pine over an unread message. She really should send everyone to bed. There's a wet patch on her chest and she realises Minnie is drooling in her sleep. She smiles. Children are such a unique combination of sweet and disgusting. As she sits up, Minnie instinctively clings to her, little fists bunched tightly around her clothes.
"Ok." Regina rubs Farah's back. She stirs and squints at Regina. "Bedtime."
"What happened in the end?" She asks as she stretches across the floor.
"They all lived happily ever after." Regina says with a throb in her chest.