CHAPTER SEVEN

"Sorry"

Puckerman residence: Spring 2010

The light came on and that's when Finn really noticed all of the gnats and candle flies buzzing around the Puckermans' front door. A few moments later, he heard the deadbolt being unlocked and the twist of the doorknob. The door slowly creaked open and Noah Puckerman stuck his head out. He looked at Finn and then glanced behind him to shoo someone or something away. Finn heard the pitter-patter of feet coming from behind Puck and then the sound of a door slamming shut somewhere deep inside the house.

Puck turned his focus back to his friend and gave him a quick up and down. Finn was completely aware of how bad he looked. In the haste of leaving the Hummels', he'd forgotten to grab his windbreaker and his wallet. Halfway over to Puck's house, the sky turned dark, and the wind started to whip around him. The bottom fell out just as he was walking past the small park he and Puck used to ride their bikes at during the summer. When he finally reached the Puckermans' front porch, he was drenched from head to toe.

Puck pushed open the door wider so that his body took up the doorway. Finn saw that he had on a black T-shirt with the sleeves cut off and a pair of loose fit camo cargo shorts. A pair of red Beats headphones were around his neck. There was a sheen on his forehead and the visible parts of his skin was glistening with perspiration. Finn looked down and saw he had on the beat-up Nikes he only wore when he was working out.

Finn shot him a nervous look and asked, "This a bad time?"

"No," Puck answered immediately. "Was just getting in a quick workout." He lifted the hem of his shirt to wipe the sweat from his face. He placed his free hand flat against his stomach and said, "Trying to get a head start. Summer'll be here before you know it and I plan on cleaning a lot of pools."

Finn felt his face burning red as he averted his eyes from his friend's six-pack. Puck hit the gym no less than four times a week and he'd been duly rewarded for his efforts. His biceps were the size of cantaloupes and his pecs looked like they'd been carved out of marble by Michelangelo. Finn wasn't a slouch himself. He spent most afternoons after school and glee practice working out alongside his best friend. However, the only thing he'd gotten in return was a stronger core and less pudge around his midsection.

Puck let go of his shirt and stepped out of the way to usher Finn inside. "Sorry," he muttered shaking his head. "You're soaked." He looked past Finn and saw his driveway and the road outside his house was dry as a bone. "When did it rain?"

Finn stepped over the threshold and into the Puckermans' air-conditioned den. The television sitting inside a large entertainment center was turned to Cartoon Network and an episode of PowerPuff Girls was playing. The chair that Puck's nana usually sat in was empty which meant she was probably out playing bingo at her synagogue. His mom worked the late shift which meant she usually got home right around the time Puck and his sister, Sarah, were heading off to school.

Finn looked just in time to see Puck close the door behind him. He waited for Puck to join him before he went into his story. When he was done, Puck shot him a confused look before crossing his arms over his chest.

"You walked all the way over here?" he asked. "In the rain?" Their houses were a five-minute drive from each other but now that he and his mom were living with the Hummels, the distance between them had grown. "Why didn't you just have your mom drop you off?"

Finn shrugged and lowered his gaze to the clean white carpet underneath his feet. He'd kicked off his damp shoes the moment he'd stepped through the front door. The Puckermans were not one of those shoeless households that he hated but he knew that Puck's mom and grandmother worked hard to keep the house clean, and he wanted to respect that. "I needed to clear my head," he said which wasn't exactly a lie. "I forgot that it was supposed to rain at some point."

Puck gestured at his bedroom which was upstairs and said, "C'mon, I think I got something to fit you. You'll have to go commando because I have like zero clean pairs of underwear." Before Finn could object to anything, Puck headed up the stairs, taking the steps two at a time. Finn followed behind him, being careful not to knock into any of the framed photos of Puck and his sister hanging on the wall.

The door to Sarah's room was open and Finn noticed she was standing at the mirror inside her closet door, running a huge brush through her long, dark hair. She saw him in the reflection and turned around to wave at him with a toothy grin plastered to her face. He returned her wave and smiled back at her. Despite the age difference, Puck and his little sister got along very well. Ever since their dad had left some years back, the two of them had become like two peas in a pod. Finn could admit that he was a wee bit jealous of their relationship and he'd always hoped that if his own mom got remarried, she would end up with someone who had a daughter the same age as Sarah and then he could dote on her the way Puck did over Sarah.

When he got to the room at the end of the hallway, he found Puck bent over the hamper inside his closet. Finn couldn't help but notice how his shirt had ridden up in the back, revealing a sliver of tanned skin. How Noah Puckerman managed to stay tan year-round in Lima, Ohio was nothing short of a miracle as far as he was concerned.

"Try these."

Finn snapped back to attention just in time to dodge a blur coming right at him. He looked down at his feet and saw a T-shirt and gray Umbro shorts. He leaned over to pick up the shirt and held it up to the overhead light. He then looked over at Puck, his brow cocked in confusion.

"Is this my shirt?" he asked running his fingers over the Superman logo.

"Of course, it is." Puck plopped down on his bed and tucked a pillow under his head. He looked over at Finn and said, "You left it the last time you were here." He gestured at the shorts still lying on the floor and said, "Those are yours, too." He smirked and added, "Told you I had something that could fit you."

"Thanks, man," Finn said. He immediately turned his back to Puck and shed the wet shirt plastered to his upper body. He unfastened the button on his jeans and peeled them down his legs. He removed his socks and boxers and quickly dressed in his old T-shirt and shorts. When he turned around, Puck was looking at his phone, probably texting one of the Cheerios he was hooking up with.

Puck sat his phone down on the bed next to him and looked up at Finn. "So, are you gonna tell me why you walked all the way here from Hummel's place?"

Finn sighed and looked down at his bare feet. He'd thought about what he'd say to Puck on the walk over. By now, Kurt had probably shared his side of things with Mercedes and Rachel which meant it wouldn't be long before the rest of the glee club knew about his blow up. It would be nice to have at least one person in his corner. He slowly lifted his head until he was looking Puck in the eye. "Burt kicked me out," he said.

Puck went wide-eyed and his mouth flopped open like a dead fish. He rolled over so that he was on his side and used his right arm to prop himself up. "Burt kicked you out?" Finn swallowed and slowly nodded his head. "What for? Did he and Carole break up or something?"

His shoulders slumped as if all the air had gone out of his body. "No, but after what happened tonight, they might."

Puck slowly sat up and moved to sitting on the side of the bed. With both feet planted on the floor, he cleared his throat and said, "Okay – start from the beginning."

Without much hesitation, Finn launched into his recollection of the events that had transpired earlier that afternoon. He told Puck about how he'd left school and headed over to Rachel's to help her pick out the perfect Lady Gaga song to perform. Afterwards, he'd gone to the Hummels' to have dinner with his mom, Burt, and Kurt. When he arrived, Kurt had rushed out the front door to tell him about some big surprise he had for him. Half-expecting some sort of present like a new video game or the new Blu-Ray player he'd been wanting, Finn was surprised, and a bit disappointed, when Kurt led him past the living room where all of his gaming stuff was set up towards the basement.

It had been Kurt's idea to share a room even though there was a room upstairs that used to be his mother's sewing room that Burt had offered to convert into a bedroom for Finn. Kurt had vetoed the idea on Finn's behalf, insisting that in order for the two of them to properly bond as stepbrothers, they would need to get to know each other more. Finn, admittedly, had been hesitant to share a living space, especially after all of the blatant flirting the previous semester, but what he wanted most was for his mom to be happy.

Kurt had sensed he wasn't fully on board with their new living arrangement so he assured him he would do everything in his power to make the space feel like his, too. Finn assumed that meant there would be less pastels and Gaga and more guy stuff like his posters of Brett Favre and Tom Brady and maybe one of those cool bean bag chairs for when Puck came over. What he hadn't considered was that Kurt would turn their joint living space into a Liberace meets Moulin Rouge nightmare. And the worst part of all – he hadn't even asked Finn for his input.

No, this wasn't what he wanted. Not at all. He hadn't asked to uproot from the only home he'd ever known. It wasn't his idea to put half of his stuff in some storage unit on the other side of town because there was no room for it at the Hummels' place. He'd never wanted to come home to see another guy sitting in his dad's chair. Most of all, he never asked to live in that stupid room with those ugly-ass curtains and that stupid room divider thingy or … that stupid, faggy lamp!

"So, wait," Puck said sitting up even straighter. "You called him a … fag?"

Finn rolled his eyes and groaned. Why was this the part of the story that everyone kept getting hung up on? "No, I didn't call him a fag. I said that the lamp … was faggy."

Puck inhaled through his teeth and shook his head. "Yikes," was all he could respond with.

Finn's body slumped even more, and he slowly dragged himself over to sit on the edge the bed next to Puck. He looked down at his hands as a feeling of dread mixed with guilt washed over him like a cold wave.

"So, that's why Burt kicked you out." Finn slowly nodded his head like a child that had just been caught with his hand shoved deep inside of the cookie jar. "What did your mom say?"

Finn shrugged and said, "She wasn't home when everything happened." He looked over at the huge clock radio sitting on top of Puck's chest of drawers. It was after seven which meant she was definitely off from work and most likely at the Hummels, probably hearing about his argument with Kurt. As he chewed on his bottom lip, he wondered whose side she would take. Would she and Burt break up over this? This was the happiest his mom had been in a very long time and what if he'd ruined it?

"I think you should apologize," Puck said matter-of-factly. "To Kurt. And to Burt."

Finn checked to see if maybe his friend's body had been taken over by an alien or something because that is not what he was expecting to hear from Noah Puckerman.

"I see the gears turning in your head, Finnessa," Puck smirked. "But deep down you know I'm right. Look, I don't blame you for not being down with the whole sharing a room with Kurt thing and all of the decorations he put up, but you shouldn't have called him that."

"I didn't call him anything," Finn whined. "I said the lamp was …"

"Dude, I heard what you said but it doesn't matter if you were talking about the lamp. You and I both know it's not about the lamp. It's about you being uncomfortable with the fact that the guy your mom is dating's son is Kurt Hummel. The same Kurt Hummel who has had a crush on you since last year and who pretty much orchestrated your mom getting together with his dad so you two could be closer together. I get it, man. It would make me uncomfortable, too, but you should have just told him all of that without using that word."

Finn reached for a pillow and looked up at Puck with a wounded puppy look on his face. "I don't get it," he said hugging the pillow to his chest. "You say that word all the time. We all say it."

Puck shook his head and said, "Not anymore. When's the last time you heard me call Hummel or anyone else that?" Finn wracked his brain for an example but came up with nothing. "Exactly," Puck said standing up. He moved to the other side of the room and picked up a Nerf football sitting on top of a stack of textbooks on the corner of his desk. He tossed it up in the air and caught it. He looked over at Finn and said, "A few weeks ago, Matt and Mike were over, and we were down in the den playing Call of Duty. My mom was heading to the laundry room, and she overheard me calling Mike a … you know." Puck ran his fingers over his mohawk and sighed. "Next thing I knew, she was jabbing her finger in my chest and yelling at me about my uncle Ben."

"The one who lives in Detroit?"

"He doesn't live there anymore. He got divorced not too long ago and last thing I heard he was back in Columbus, where he and my mom grew up. Living with the guy he's been seeing."

"Your uncle's gay?" Finn blurted out.

Puck rolled his eyes and said, "Nothing gets by you, dude." He tossed the ball up and caught it. "Yeah, he's gay and my mom said that any time I used that word, even if I was just kidding around with you or Mike or Matt, I was making it okay for other people to use that word towards gay people. Like my uncle. She was all, how would you feel if someone walked up to your uncle and called him that to his face. That's when it hit me. If someone called Uncle Ben that, I'd probably beat the shit out of them."

Finn made a sound like someone letting air out of a balloon. He leaned forward and buried his face in his hands. He squeezed his eyes shut and saw himself back in the Hummels' basement. He saw all of the different brocade fabrics hanging against the wall. He saw the velvet rope, the weird sofa, and all of the candles. He saw the two fancy lamps that looked like something out of his grandmother's house. How much had all of that cost? Had Kurt used all of his savings to decorate the room – just for him to turn his nose up at him? And yell at him.

Finn felt a wave of nausea wash over him as he slowly lifted his head. He looked over at Puck who was sitting at his desk in the corner of the room, still tossing the Nerf football. "You're right," he said quietly. "I-I was so … awful to him and all he wanted was to make me feel at home."

"I get why you were upset," Puck said. "You and Hummel have a very complicated relationship. But you said it yourself. This is the happiest your mom has been in a long time. You gotta fix this, dude."

Puck was right. He'd hate to be the reason why things didn't work out between his mom and Burt. Whatever issues he had with Kurt, they needed to be talked through. After all, it wouldn't be long before they were a family.

"I guess I better head back," Finn said. "And apologize."

"Want me to drive you back?" Puck pulled back the blinds hanging over the window and saw that it was raining.

"I think I'll walk back," Finn said slowly standing up.

"Good luck," Puck said sitting the ball back down on his desk.

Finn walked over to the door and placed his hand on the knob, He looked over his shoulder and shot his friend a small smile. "Thanks, man."

Puck gave a shrug and said, "Don't mention it. Hope everything works out."

Wegmans grocery store, Jamestown, NY: Thursday, July 2

"They hate me."

Finn watched as Puck placed two bottles of barbecue sauce into the basket he was carrying. When he continued down the condiment aisle, Finn pushed the shopping cart in front of him, keeping at least two feet between the two of them.

"They don't hate you," Puck said reaching for a squeeze bottle of yellow mustard. He tossed it inside his basket and moved on to the ketchup options. "They're pissed at you. For good reason."

Since arriving at Lake Chautauqua nearly two hours ago, he'd been yelled at by Kurt, cursed out in Spanish by Santana, and Dave … well, Dave hadn't said much of anything which almost seemed worse. Kurt had accused him of lying to him which wasn't exactly fair. He hadn't lied at all. He'd told Kurt the same thing he'd told Dave and Santana. The whole purpose of this weekend was to relax, have fun, and catch up. Just because he hadn't exactly been forthcoming with the guest list didn't mean he'd lied to anyone.

"I wanted a weekend where we all could just hang out," Finn said as he turned the cart onto the next aisle. "I just wanted things to be like they were a few summers ago."

Puck slowly turned around to face him. "That's the thing – things aren't like they were. Dave and Kurt broke up. Kurt is dating someone else. And don't even get me started on Santana and Brittany."

"Wait – what happened to Santana and Brittany?"
Puck rolled his eyes and groaned. "For someone who was so hellbent on getting the gang back together, you haven't been paying attention." He grabbed a large bag of plain potato chips off the shelf and tossed them into Finn's shopping car. "I probably shouldn't be telling you any of this but – Santana proposed to Brittany a few days ago."

Finn's eyes widened and his mouth dropped open. "Santana and Brittany – they're engaged?"

Puck shook his head and said, "No, Brittany turned down the proposal and Santana's been a mess over it ever since. Her coming here was supposed to be a chance for her to get away from all the drama in Lima for a bit."

"Wow," Finn gasped. He reached up and ran his fingers through his sweaty, wavy hair. "I had no clue."

"It's like I said – I don't think she's told many people. It's not exactly something you go around talking about. She's devastated."

"Why would Brittany do that?" Finn whispered.

Puck gave a small shrug. "Who knows," he said. "Maybe she wasn't ready to go down that road just yet. We're in our 20s. Getting married is like the last thing on my mind right now."

"Well, glad I didn't invite, Brittany. That would've been super awkward."

"Almost as awkward as inviting Kurt's ex and his current boyfriend."

Finn's jaw was clenched tightly as he white-knuckled the shopping cart. "It's been two years," he whined. "I thought they were on good terms."

"Yeah, I get that," Puck said, "But, even if I was on good terms with my ex, that doesn't mean I want to spend my vacation with them – and their new squeeze."

Finn rubbed his chin with his index finger and whispered, "Damn it."

"See, now you get it."

"I'm an idiot."

"Yeah," Puck agreed, a slight smirk poking at the corner of his mouth. "But no one hates you."

"I've completely fucked up this weekend," Finn blurted right as an older woman walked by with a toddler strapped into a shopping cart. She shot him a murderous look and he mouthed "I'm sorry" to her as she moved past him. He looked back at Puck, flustered by his own outburst, and saw he was staring back at him with a bemused look on his face. "How do I fix this?"

Puck sat his basket inside of Finn's cart and crossed his arms over his chest. Finn was still in awe of how huge his best friend had gotten since they'd been apart. He had on one of those sleeveless compression shirts and every single muscle and vein was on display. His arms were a golden brown and there was a tattoo on his upper right arm he'd never seen before. Finn made a mental note to ask him about it later on.

"You can start by apologizing," Puck suggested. "You have to admit that what you did to Dave and Kurt is pretty messed up. Imagine if someone invited you somewhere and Rachel Berry and whoever she was dating showed up."

Finn hadn't talked to Rachel since he'd got back from Camp Black Bear, nearly three years ago. He knew she was in New York City, chasing her dreams of being the next big Broadway star, but of all the former glee club members, she was the one he kept in contact with the least. He did, however, know that she was seeing someone – another aspiring Broadway performer whom she shared an apartment in Brooklyn with. He'd learned that bit of info from Kurt during their drive to the lake house.

"And as far as Santana is concerned," Puck continued. "You're just gonna have to take that one on the chin. Santana is just looking after her friend, and you know how she can be when it comes to Dave."

Finn dropped his head and said, "Yeah – the two of them are like this." He held his index and middle fingers which were crossed. He glanced at Puck with a sheepish look on his face. "Anything else?"

"Well, I think you might wanna figure out why it was so important for you to get everyone back together this weekend, even if it meant luring them back under false pretenses."

"I told you it was because I was feeling nostalgic," Finn shot back.

"I get that," Puck said. "You wanted this big Camp Black Bear reunion with Dave and Santana and Kurt. But what about the rest of us? Me and Sebastian and Kurt's boyfriend weren't at camp. Wouldn't it have made sense to just invite them and leave the rest of us out?"

"Well, it's Sebastian's place. He's the one who brought it up and it would've been weird if I asked to use his place but didn't invite him."

"Fair enough," Puck said. "What about me? Why'd you invite me?"

"I invited you because I wanted us to hang out before you head back to Louisiana in a few weeks."

"We could've still hung out when you got back," Puck pointed out. "C'mon, Finn – just level with me okay?"

"Okay," Finn said. "What do you want me to … level with you about?"

Puck laughed and said, "What's this weekend really about?"

Finn bit down on his bottom lip and his eyes flicked down to the tiled floor. He wondered if now was the right time to tell Puck – right there in the middle of the snack aisle. He thought about all of the messages he'd started and then deleted over the last two years. He thought of the handful of times the two of them had been in the same room since he'd gotten back from camp. The two of them had been best friends since they were small and he reckoned they always would be, but time had put a strain on their relationship and Finn had to admit that he was mostly to blame for that.

The guy who'd left for Camp Black Bear at the start of the summer following their senior year of high school was not the same guy who returned to Lima and a part of him was terrified that Noah Puckerman would notice.

"I -." The word came out hoarse and barely audible. His throat felt like he'd swallowed the entire Sahara desert. He tugged at the collar of the light blue Superman T-shirt he was wearing. He swore he could hear his heart pounding above the din of the grocery store. He opened his mouth but was immediately cut off by the sound of music coming from the vicinity of Puck. Finn watched as he wrestled his phone from the pocket of his camo cargo shorts. Puck turned a bright shade of red as Queen's "Fat Bottomed Girls" started to get louder and louder.

Puck smashed his thumb against the "Accept" button and held his phone between his ear and shoulder. "Hey, babe."

Finn turned to the shelf filled with salsa and queso to his left. He pulled the list Sebastian had given him from his pocket and checked to see what they were missing.

"Okay, I will ask him and then I'll call you back," he heard Puck say into the phone. "Okay – I love you, too."

Finn turned back around just as Puck was ending the call. He watched as he slid his phone back inside his pocket. Puck reluctantly met his gaze and gave a nervous smile.

"Everything alright?" Finn asked taking note of the uneasy expression on his friend's face.

"Yeah," Puck said, shoving his hands down inside his pockets. "That was just …" He paused to clear his throat. "That was Julie."

"How is she?"

"Aside from going a little stir crazy at her parents' place, she's good."

"I remember you said her parents lived in Philadelphia."

"Pittsburgh."

"Ah, that's right," Finn said. "So, will I get to meet her at some point this weekend?"

Puck's eyes widened and his face lit up. "I was thinking about asking her to drive up, but I wanted to check with you first."

Finn waved his hand dismissively and said, "Dude, I already said you could invite her, and I'd love to meet her. I'm sure the others would as well.

Puck breathed a sigh of relief and smiled. "Thanks, dude. I'll let her know. She can drive up tomorrow morning."

Finn watched him pull his phone back out and dial Julie's number. A part of him was excited to meet this girl that his best friend was dating but there was a small part of him that was a wee bit disappointed. Back when they were in middle school, Puck had been the first of their friend group to start dating, of course back then he referred to it as hooking up and usually things didn't last too long between he and the girl. When they got to high school, outside of that time he dated Lauren Zizes, most of his relationships with the opposite sex were brief. Finn had assumed that Puck would grow up to be Lima's version of Hugh Hefner, always in the company of a woman but never really settling down.

Seeing Puck happy and very much in love made him think about his own happiness and his own love life … or lack thereof. They used to joke about becoming Lima Losers when they grew up, but Puck had managed to dodge the label. Finn should've been happy about this but instead he felt a sadness tugging at his insides.

When Puck finished his call, he confirmed Julie's plans to drive up to the lake house the following day. As Puck rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet, a huge grin plastered across his face, Finn pushed back the sadness welling up inside of him and conjured a smile of his own.