Trigger warnings:
There are many to be had in this story, self-harm and mentions of suicide. Rape and abuse conversations. Language. Graphic / violent fighting scenes. Blood. Heavily descriptive YAOI and lots of fluff. Consider yourself warned. I will leave warnings for each chapter that include self harm / suicide / rape content.
Canon divergent. This story is near and dear to my heart, I hope you enjoy it.
Naruto Map by loakana on DeviantArt is the map I used while outlining the travel in the story, so I wanted to give them a shout out.
Chapter 1:
It had been a long time since he had been in Konoha and if it weren't for that damn Sandaime and his meddling he would already be back on out on a mission. "Kakashi, you need to take a break, you haven't been in the village for longer than ten full days in the last five years. I am ordering you to take two weeks off before you are assigned a new ANBU mission. Dismissed." The last place he wanted to be was in the damn village. Free time was a curse, too much time to reflect on past regrets. Since the day his sensei died protecting the village, Kakashi had worked hard at becoming a better tool for the village. Constantly on missions, the harder and longer the mission the better. Guilt was forever pulling at his core, his inability to protect his sensei and worse yet, his inability to watch over his mentor's son eating away at him. He had tried, tried to watch over Naruto Uzumaki but as the child grew he gradually started to resemble his deceased father to a point it hurt for Kakashi to even look at him. He was a coward, leaving the village for longer and longer spans, taking as many missions as he could. It had been five years since he had seen Naruto, that would make him what… around thirteen or fourteen years old now? If he had it his way he would avoid the child completely while stuck in the damn village. Of course, fate had something else in mind.
It was shortly after dinner time, Kakashi making his way back to his apartment for the evening, walking through the mostly quiet streets. He was still in his mission gear, his ANBU mask allowing him a level of privacy he constantly craved. The sound of shuffling feet and shouting coming from a side street pulled his attention. Six men were surrounding something or someone on the ground, kicking and shouting. "MONSTER!" "LEAVE THE VILLAGE!" "Do us all a favor and just die!" There was no sound coming from the person on the ground, and it was indeed a person, as Kakashi got closer he could see limbs wrapped around protecting their head. Before he had a chance to get close enough to interject and help the poor defenseless person, the prone figure sprang up and pushed away from his assailants. A flash of bright blonde hair was the first thing Kakashi noticed. Naruto? The blonde sprinted away down the street, more cursing and stones being hurled his way as he made his escape. Shock finally wearing off from what he had just witnessed, Kakashi discreetly followed behind him.
The boy wound his way up to the top of Hokage mountain, perching atop the stone head of the Third Hokage. Staying a few yards away, Kakashi was unsure if he should approach Naruto or not. It didn't appear that the boy was crying, he wasn't shaking, he didn't even look upset. He looked…empty. What had this poor child been through that at such a young age he would have such a broken look in his eyes? Finally making his way to the boy, "Are you okay?". Naruto showed no sign of being surprised or scared of the other man's presence, looking up at him with those cold empty eyes. They were azure blue, just like his fathers had been but there was no light in them, no joy. "You should go home." Kakashi said to the boy. "Home?" chuckled the boy quietly. "I don't have a home. A home is a place you are supposed to feel safe, feel loved… I don't have love or safety…I have a room, four walls and a roof. It houses nothing but loneliness and pain. This fucking village isn't even my home, I don't belong here. I don't belong anywhere." Blue eyes drifting back over the village, Naruto sighs and pushes himself back to his feet.
Not saying another word, he starts heading back into the village, in what Kakashi assumes is the direction of his apartment. Again following behind the boy, he watches him make slow progress to a run-down section of the village. The buildings here are dirty, dilapidated. The poor child lived in the slums, completely alone too by the looks of it. The guilt he felt in his gut twisted harder at the sight. His own selfish cowardice in leaving the village all those years ago had left this poor boy so desperately alone. With Naruto now safely in his apartment, Kakashi turned and started heading back to his own place, head filled with sorrow and unrest. He had no idea what to do, how to help the boy.
The next two weeks passed without incident. Kakashi had yet to see Naruto again. Running yet again from his feelings of guilt, he signed into the Hokage tower, seeking a new mission. A long term S-rank mission was available and he snapped it up without a second thought. Glad to be heading out of the village again tomorrow, Kakashi headed back home to prepare. The mission was slated to be at least two years in length which suited him fine, he couldn't wait to be buried deep in a mission again. Far away from the village and his feelings of failure. The next morning came in a hurry. Making his way through the gates he gave one more passing glance at the village, eyes catching the stone faces of the Hokages etched into the mountain. Perched atop the head of the Third was a tiny figure, barely visible from where he was standing. It was obvious to Kakashi who it was, the blonde hair making it painfully clear. Setting his sights back outside the gates, he left the village with a heavy heart.