Chapter 8: (self harm)

Naruto woke up feeling far better than he did the previous night. He had managed to get a pretty decent night's sleep, all things considered. He made himself a quick breakfast, and gazed longingly back at the pool of water in the center of his oasis. It couldn't hurt to take another quick dip before leaving, right? He quickly lost his clothing and dove headlong into the pool of water, relishing in its cooling embrace. A few short minutes later he was re-dressing and packing up camp. He needed to get a move on, he really hadn't traveled that far in so many days and needed to put more distance between himself and Fire Country before he would feel comfortable. Glancing over camp once more to ensure he wasn't forgetting anything, he headed out, a light skip in his step. It looked like it was going to be another beautiful day, he was relieved that he had been so lucky when it came to the weather thus far. He had only traveled for about an hour when he heard something behind him, he quickly dodged toward the sparse tree line for cover and looked back. Closing in on him were some ninken and the masked ANBU he had encountered years previous. He felt deflated, he knew that Konoha would send someone after him but he was hoping he would get far enough away that they couldn't track him; he wasn't expecting ninja dogs. He would have to be stupid to assume the ANBU hadn't seen him so he steeped out from the treeline to meet him as he approached. "I'M NOT GOING BACK" he screamed at the approaching figure. "I can't, I WON'T! I deserve a life where I am not constantly abused. I refuse!" He stood firm with conviction, prepared for the assault to come.
Kakashi caught a quick glance of the blonde before he ducked into the tree line, and was surprised when he popped back out almost immediately. The young man was shouting at him, Kakashi's heart twisted at the words as he continued to close the gap between them. He was close. "Naruto.." he called out weakly when he was within touching distance. He wanted nothing more than to hug the young man and make sure he was okay. Another quick second and the air around him changed, the blue eyes of the blonde he was in pursuit of had hardened, Kakashi certain he had seen a flash of red dance behind his eyes. Naruto's stance had changed, his arm drawn back. Before Kakashi could even think, Naruto had landed a swift forceful punch aimed at his ANBU mask. Kakashi could feel the mask split in two as he was thrown backwards, his head meeting a standing rock a few feet behind him, knocked unconscious almost immediately.

The ANBU was running directly for him, extending his hand toward him. Naruto was filled with fear, pulling some of Kurama's chakra to aid him. He wasn't going to be assaulted any more, he wasn't going to let the Leaf continue to destroy him. He mustered all the power he had gained and aimed it directly at the ANBUs face, watching as the man flew backwards out of his reach. The ANBU hit a rock in the distance with a sickening thud, a shudder passing over Naruto. He quickly glanced over the man trying to decide what he should do next. The mask had split in two and had fallen off of their face. Wait…. KAKASHI? Naruto was stunned. Fuck… fuck… FUCK! He had no idea it was Kakashi. He looked down at the knocked out, vulnerable figure before him. He couldn't just leave him out here like this. "Shit…" he quietly murmured to himself. He looked around him and finally realized the ninken pack had surrounded him. Pakkun was the first to speak, "Naruto, we will not attack you. Kakashi forbade us, he only wanted us to track you for him, please, do not hurt him." Naruto replied with a quiet and forlorn "...I didn't know it was him…" before scooping up Kakashi. He decided the best plan was to backtrack to the oasis he had spent the night before in. It wasn't too far away and provided adequate shelter. Reaching it relatively quickly, he assessed Kakashi's head wound. It wasn't overly bad but he decided to clean and bandage it to prevent infection. He settled Kakashi in the shade and covered him with some loose palm fronds he found lying nearby. Guilt swept over him, but he was still resolute in his need to escape the village. He didn't know if Kakashi was following him for his own reasons or for the sake of the village and he just couldn't risk finding out the hard way. He checked Kakashi's pulse one last time, it was light but steady. Naruto was sure he would wake up soon. He placed the destroyed ANBU mask on Kakashi's chest, also leaving behind an extra canteen and some pain medication. He was sure the ANBU was prepared for anything but still felt guilty for the state he was leaving him in. Finally standing to make his leave, Naruto caught the eyes of Pakkun. "Tell him I'm sorry, okay? I …. I didn't know it was him. It might have been different. But I can't…. I won't go back to Konoha." A few seconds passed before he spoke again. "Tell him I missed him and that I wished things were different." Pakkun only nodded when Naruto looked back up at him. "I'm sorry, please protect him". Naruto took off at a sprint heading back west again, tears streaming down his face. He hadn't expected this, it felt like his heart was being ripped out of his chest.

Naruto was setting an urgent pace west, he had to put as much space between him and Kakashi as he could get. He was starting to realize he was fighting a losing battle since Kakashi had ninken on his side. Trying to think of the best way to misdirect his pursuer, he started surpanteening through the sparse tree line. Zig zagging through the brush, climbing quickly up trees and sprinting along the tops to try and make scent tracking harder. Naruto was fairly certain he was close to the border of the Land of Claw, he checked over his hastily drawn map to be sure. He was sure he was well past the Land of Rain by now at the very least. Trusting his instincts he started changing his path into a more north westerly direction. Vegetation started to quickly sprout up around him, the dry dust of the desert receding with every step. The ground beneath his feet felt softer, more welcoming. He could see small forest creatures weaving their way through the trees. He breathed in a heavy sigh of relief, glad to be past what he hoped would be the worst of his travels. Naruto avoided heading toward what he had marked on his map as the capital city of the area, sticking more to the western edge of the land. Night was slowly starting to fall and the hunt for a new place to bed down for the night was fast approaching. He ended up settling for a small outcropping of land near a lake. The area was quiet and green with no sign of inhabitants. Naruto quickly collected some tinder and set about making a small fire and preparing dinner. Chopping up some veggies to add to his ramen, Naruto regarded the sharp blade in his hand. It had been days but the encounter from earlier in the day was still weighing heavily on his mind. He shrugged it off as he finished preparing his meal. Eating in absolute silence he mulled over his thoughts. He hadn't seen Kakashi in eight years? No wait, that wasn't right. He didn't know it at the time but the masked ANBU on Hokage mountain that day three years ago had been Kakashi. Even then he was watching over him, offering him reassurance. He wondered if his mind subconsciously knew it was Kakashi, it would make sense since he decided to randomly open up to a stranger at the time.

He didn't know exactly why Kakashi had left him, he just remembered watching the gray haired man's ever joyful eyes start to slowly cloud with sorrow. His once constant visits became sparse until eventually they stopped all together. Naruto remembered vividly the last time he saw Kakashi. The man looked so broken, drained and withdrawn. He looked on the verge of tears as he said his goodbyes, hugging Naruto tightly to his body. Shuddering at the memory, Naruto felt a tear roll down his cheek.

He had finished his dinner and all that remained was clearing away his dishes and settling down to sleep for the night. He quickly rinsed his dishes in the nearby lake, retreating back to the comfort of the earthy overhang. Packing the items back up to save himself time in the morning, he hesitated with the blade once again. The dull throbbing pain in his head and heart calling for release. Blade handle firmly pressed in his palm he settled against the dirt wall of his makeshift camp. The wound he had inflicted back in Konoha had mostly healed, leaving an angry red line across his forearm that would fade to a white scar alongside the rest. He pressed the blade firmly against his wrist, sucking in a tentative breath. His head dipped back against the dirt wall as he pressed harder and dragged the blade forward. Physical pain shot through him from the tips of his fingers to the tips of his toes, his mind gone completely blank. A few blissful moments later he tried to steady himself to look at the cut he had just made. His vision was swimming, belly warm and head still cloudy. His eyes couldn't focus on anything. "Shit" he slurred to himself. He had cut too deep, he was losing a lot of blood and his body wasn't responding to him. I'm sorry Kurama, I didn't mean to. I understand if you will let me go this time. I…I'm sorry. He spoke to the nine tailed beast trapped inside him. His eyes started to drift closed, his whole body slumping forward until he tipped completely forward and landed face first in the dirt. He vaguely remembered the smell of the earth and his blood as he whispered out loud, "I'm sorry," before blacking out.