Chapter 13: (discussion about self harm)
After tidying up their dishes, Kakashi readied his medkit. Bisuke sat up against Naruto's leg, nuzzling his muzzle into his open hand. Kakashi squatted down beside the young man as far from him as possible and held out his hand. Shakily, Naruto lifted his arm into Kakashi's outstretched hand. "Just try and focus on Bisuke, I will be quick". Nodding, Naruto looked away. Kakashi quickly cut back the bandage and assessed the wound. It was still healing nicely, despite Naruto's actions earlier. The cut was still slightly weeping but the skin surrounding it was taking on a more natural colour. Applying some ointment and wrapping a fresh bandage around the wound Kakashi couldn't help but ask, "Why do you do this, Naruto?". The young man stiffened under his fingers. Kakashi sighed and quickly finished the wrapping, standing and taking a few steps back, seating himself in front of the fire. "It's okay, you don't have to answer me, I just… I want to understand. Want to find out how I can help you." The blonde showed no signs of talking any time soon so Kakashi suggested they head in to sleep for the night. Naruto stood without a word, Bisuke following at his heels as he headed into the cave. Kakashi packed up his med kit and stirred down the fire. Whistling, he called Pakkun to his side. He explained to Pakkun that Bisuke would be Naruto's caretaker now and that the dogs would have to adjust formation. Pakkun said he would take care of it and bid Kakashi goodnight. Kakashi looked out into the surroundings, his dogs moving silently through the woods. Giving camp another once over, he quickly made his way into the cave. Naruto was laying down on his back, eyes closed and blanket pulled tight up to his chin. Bisuke was nestled in the nook between Naruto's chest and arm, head resting on his shoulder. Kakashi rolled out his own bed roll for the first time in days. With Bisuke guarding Naruto, he was confident he could finally get the decent night's sleep he so desperately needed. The weariness of the last few days was starting to weigh heavily on him. Shrugging off his vest and head protector, he crawled under his blanket, he closed his eyes and waited for sleep to claim him. After a few minutes, as he was about to drift to sleep, Naruto quietly started talking. "I do it because the physical pain I achieve from cutting myself temporarily mutes the mental pain I am feeling… I have been alone for so long, with no one to share my thoughts and feelings with. I have been alone with my thoughts for years. It was after one particularly bad beating from the villagers that I realized my brain had gone numb. All I could feel was the physical pain of it, my mind was blissfully silent. After that day I realized physical pain could become an outlet for release. It freed me, although momentarily, from my own thoughts… that's why I do it." Kakashi's heart was breaking into pieces, this young man had spent so much of his life entirely alone and unjustly hated. Trying to find the right words, Kakashi spoke softly into the darkness, "I will never let you feel alone again, as long as I am alive, I will be here for you. I promise you that I will never hurt you and will protect you with everything I have in me, even when I have to protect you from yourself… I will be here to help you, we will get through this together... Try and get some sleep, we can talk more in the morning if you would like." Kakashi listened and waited in the darkness for what felt like an eternity until he could hear the soft change in the breathing pattern of the young man. Naruto had finally fallen asleep, Kakashi prayed the blonde would make it through the night without a nightmare. Finally allowing himself to relax, he slowly fell into a restless sleep. He drifted off, only to fall quickly into an all too familiar nightmare. It was the same recurring flashbacks of the deaths of his comrades, his family. Obito, Rin, Minato, his father… their deaths playing over and over in his head on some sick loop. He woke with a gasp covered in sweat.
It must have been close to dawn, light seeping into the cave. He looked over to where Naruto lay, the young man was still asleep, curled up with Bisuke. He breathed a sigh of relief, laying back down. He went over what Naruto had told him the night before. He was determined to help the young man and free him of his awful coping mechanism. Kakashi would find him a new outlet, be his listening ear, be everything he needed him to be. He still felt an overwhelming amount of guilt, if only he hadn't been such a coward, Naruto could be living happily in Konoha. He shook himself, this wasn't about him, not anymore. It was about Naruto and making him happy. After another few moments of thought, Kakashi got up and headed outside the cave. He should check in with Pakkun and the rest of the pack and prepare their breakfast. Not long after he left the cave Bisuke was at his side, "Naruto wanted me to have breakfast with the others, said he wanted to talk to you in private." Kakashi thanked the hound for watching over the young man and headed back into the cave.