Despite school being closed for the week, Dawn still manages to distribute the invites to her party. Her house (or, perhaps mansion is a more appropriate word) up in the hills, so big it has its own long, winding driveway, is the perfect place for a house party uninterrupted by complaining neighbours or police. I'm almost surprised she still wants to go through with it, but then remember that this is Dawn we're talking about.
Every year she has a different theme for her party. This year, she's chosen black and white. She always picks my outfit for me. It became tradition after her first one, back before we had alcohol and when her mom would be there taking endless pictures. She's always picked the perfect thing for me, and so I keep letting her. It's why she's standing at my door now, holding a dress bag up, a big cheesy grin on her face while she waits for me to invite her in.
I do, and we go upstairs to my room. I don't know why I'm nervous to see what she's picked out for me. The year before she'd had an enchanted forest themed party, and had showed up with an emerald green dress, the patterns on it resembling ivy climbing up it. It was a little flashy, and showed off some of my curves, but nothing scandalous.
This year, however, she unzips the bag to reveal a floor length black dress. It has long floral lace sleeves, and the lace continues in a V over the chest, down to the skirt. It looks like it will barely cover my chest at all. I sigh.. At least the long skirt looks normal.
"You'll look incredible in this," she says, thrusting it out at me. I take it from her and begin peeling off the shorts and t-shirt I'd been wearing. I don't feel weird undressing in front of Dawn. I've already done it countless times before.
I hesitate for just a moment before slipping into the dress, fighting a bit to get into those lace sleeves. Looking down as I finish pulling it on, I see my entire cleavage on show. Then, as I turn to face the mirror, I move my leg, revealing the most scandalous part of the dress. It's a split thigh dress. The split runs up the length of the skirt on both sides, making it so when I move, my legs are revealed up to the tops of my thighs, the front of the dress barely covering anything. My jaw hangs open.
"See?" Dawn says, grinning over at me. I stare at her, then back at myself. It hugs my hips, makes my chest look bigger than it really is, and makes me look curvier… I have to admit, I like myself in this dress. I turn slightly, inspecting it from all angles, and I feel… Sexy. The corner of my lips turns up slightly and Dawn notices, clapping her hands together.
"You like it, right?" She asked, needing my validation. I ran my hands up the splits, lifting it. It would only reveal too much if I was really jumping around, but it still feels far too revealing. But, for one night, isn't that okay? I nod at her, smiling genuinely. Truthfully, I want to let myself enjoy her party for once. It might be the only thing that can help me forget about my… predicament. I swallow back the fear that pushes forward when I think about it.
The party is tonight. I haven't spoken to Ash since the night he saw me out in the garden. I still don't know if he saw the rose. If he did, he surely would know that lone rose hadn't been out there in the middle of the lawn before that. He'd know I'd done something, right? I wasn't sure if I was just being paranoid, or if I had good reason to worry. I found myself picking my phone up more than a few times a day, and thinking about composing a message to him, just to see what vibe I can pick up. I even got as far as hovering the send button a couple of times, and then deleted them. I just didn't know what to say.
I hadn't used any of my… abilities, since. The rush that runs through me when I let this strange energy out is euphoric, like nothing I've ever felt before, but it also feels dangerous. I don't know why it's happening. I don't know the full extent of what I can do, and I'm too afraid to explore it more, or think too deeply about it. I think I might panic if I do. Even now, standing before the mirror, when I let my thoughts briefly float over to that topic, I feel a twinge of anxiety, and push it down. Not today.
Dawn leaves shortly after, telling me to be early to her party. Usually that would be considered pretty lame, but I know she expects me to help to set the place up, and that's fair enough. She did help me pick out the dress after all. I arrive an hour early, when the whole house is sparkling clean and empty. Despite the amount of times I've been in before, the vastness of it always manages to surprise me. I help her set out punch bowls, set up beer pong, put out snacks and drinks, and then we wait together, sitting on the kitchen island sipping our drinks together.
The second person to arrive is Misty. Misty doesn't give a shit if she's early. She's dressed in a black tight leather mini skirt with chains hanging from it, and a black crop top. Her combat boots match her style perfectly. She barely greets us before she goes straight to the giant speakers in the living room and connects her phone, blasting music so loud that if there were neighbours, they'd hear it as if it was playing right beside them. Of course she's made a playlist. She always does.
Serena comes next alongside Gary. She's in a white summer-y but fancy dress, and he's in a white suit, which looks pretty expensive. After them, the people keep coming in droves. Soon the house is nearing full, and I lose track of the people coming in. I mostly stay in the kitchen, talking to all the people that come up to me, leaning against the island counter and sipping whatever drink I have. I haven't seen Ash yet. Maybe he's changed his mind. The thought sends a jolt of disappointment through me, and I take a big sip from the drink to push that thought as far down as I can. I don't even want to think about exploring what that means. The thought alone is enough to make me feel guilty.
Drew finds me in there as the music turns up even louder, as most people grab their second drink, as people begin to get a little rowdier. I'm already on my fourth. He swings his arm around my shoulder and looks me up and down.
"You look amazing," he says, his gaze lingering on the thigh that has slipped out a little longer than the rest of me. I lean up and kiss his cheek.
"Thank you, you too," I say, meaning it. He looks handsome in his black suit, black shirt and black tie. I briefly feel the same attraction I'd felt for him when we'd first started dating. I'm not a big fan of the way he's looking at me, but maybe… Maybe tonight.
"Let's dance," he says, tugging on my shoulder. I roll my eyes but smile as he leads me into the living room. I stumble a little in the heels I'm not used to, but I don't mind. I want to dance and let loose a little.
Drew's dancing isn't the best, but it's entertaining to watch, and I find myself laughing at him trying to impress me. I drink the rest of my drink as I join in, aware of the way he's watching me, the way my dress moves over my legs. When Dawn comes around with a tray of shots, I take one, not asking what it is before I throw it back. Drew raises an eyebrow at me in surprise, but then takes one himself.
Gary calls over to him from the corner, which we barely hear over the booming music, but he smiles apologetically at me before wandering off to see Gary. The few drinks I've had have made me hazy, but not drunk just yet. I rarely ever go further than this, even at these parties, but tonight is different. I need something to ease the anxiety that has been swamping me for days.
I feel a strange tingle run down the entire length of my body abruptly. Dawn is suddenly beside me, and opens her mouth to say something, then stops, her gaze flicking to the door. Noticing, I follow it, and my mouth goes instantly dry. Ash walks in casually, dressed in a well fitted black suit, the jacket unbuttoned, a black shirt and black tie, just like Drew. I don't mean to stare, but… He looks incredible and my breath has caught in my throat. I tear my eyes away quickly as he looks over at us. I realise, in horror, that he's coming over.
"Hey!" Dawn shouts over the music. I still don't look up as he comes up beside us.
"Hey," he says back to her. I finally let my eyes flick to him, and find him looking back. I flush a little. "Hey, May."
"Hey."
"Doesn't she look incredible?" Dawn shouts, meaning me. I shoot her a piercing glare, warning her to shut up, but she's just grinning back at me, proud of herself. "Isn't she the best looking girl here?"
I love her for hyping me up, but I hate her in this moment. Ash looks around, pretending to look at the other girls, his hand at his chin in fake thought, then he looks back, nodding. "Yep. I'd say so."
My heart jumps annoyingly, and I look down to hide the blush that was no doubt creeping up my face. Dawn elbows me and says "told you so," but I just shake my head at her. I'm struggling to think of something to say, but Dawn is already distracted again, and this time Ash looks over too.
"Who is that?" She asks, looking over to the other side of the room. I look, and see a girl I've never seen before, standing beside Drew and Gary, laughing loudly at something one of them just said. An unwanted pang of jealousy shocks me, and that strange energy bubbles inside me. Panicked, I tried to shut it off, but the alcohol only seems to amplify it. I hadn't thought of that. I feel it stretch out despite my unwillingness, reaching Drew, forming a connection between us, and suddenly I feel…I feel what he's feeling. Somehow I just know I've tapped into his feelings the way I accidentally read their thoughts a week ago, and I feel- I feel lust, as he's looking at this girl.
I sever the connection quickly, turning away, my head spinning, my hands clenched so tight my nails dig into my palms. I don't want to know. I don't want to know.
"You okay?" Dawn asks, placing a hand on my arm. I nod.
"Just need another drink." I smile, and walk away quickly, needing some space, as Dawn heads over to them, no doubt to find out who this mystery girl she hadn't invited is. I reach the kitchen, which is still packed, but a little quieter than the living room, and grab another drink, quickly opening it and taking a big swig.
"Is it always this mad?" A voice comes from beside me. I look up at Ash, unsurprised that he's followed me. I can only pray that it isn't to confront me. The drink is making me silly.
"It's usually busy, but this is the craziest it's ever been," I say, looking around at all the people, some of which are already visibly very drunk. Two people are making out in the corner against the wall. "Wait until you see it later."
"Mm, I'm sure I'll see plenty of interesting things," he says, looking right at me with intense eyes, something strange in his tone. I look back at him, trying to figure out if he meant anything by it, but now he's looking back through the archway to the living room, to where the crowd has parted just enough for us to see Drew again, still standing beside Gary and that girl. Dawn must have left them again. "Do you know her?" He asks, and I shake my head. He's glaring at her worse than I even was earlier. Something's bothering him.
He's silent for a moment, then speaks again, so quiet I barely hear over the music. "Are you having bad nightmares?"
I pull away from him a little, shooting him a look. "What?"
"I don't mean to pry. I just saw you again last night." He's smiling, and it seems genuine enough, but I can't help but feel defensive, especially when I feel some slight connection forming between us with my… whatever it is. I can't figure out what it is, or if I'm just going crazy. I also wonder why he'd been awake and at his window at 3am, but bite back the question.
"I… I don't know why it's happening. I've never had them before."
"School stress?" He suggests with a shrug, but looks like he doesn't believe that could be it himself. I lean into him slightly, but only to hear a little better, I tell myself. "Maybe you could talk to someone."
"No," I say quickly. "I'll be fine. It doesn't happen every night." That was true. It hasn't happened since. That doesn't mean I'm not slightly afraid to fall asleep every night. My gaze drifts back over to Drew. Gary's left. My heart sinks as I see her put a hand on his arm and laugh. My skin prickling, I look away. How can he let her so obviously flirt with him like that when I'm at the same party? Maybe he isn't interested back, but he could at least find me and introduce us. Before I can reconsider I throw back the rest of my drink and grab another.
"Wanna dance?" I ask.
"Sure," Ash says, shrugging again. I feel his eyes on my back as we head into the sea of people in the living room. Some are sitting on the sofas. Some are pressed into each other at the walls. Some are just throwing themselves into dancing to the music. We join them, and I let Ash take my hand and swirl me around playfully, ignoring the energy I feel flowing through me at his touch, laughing as he does. We dance for a while together, and I let myself forget about Drew, don't even look over to see if he's moved. Only when I need the bathroom do I step away, heading for one of Dawn's three bathrooms.
When I'm done, I fix myself up in the mirror. For a moment, I stare back at myself. I've had quite a bit to drink already, but I can still feel that energy inside me like it's a real, grabbable thing. I close my eyes and focus, one hand on the sink, the other in front of me, and click my fingers together. I open my eyes just in time to see the sparks flying from them, my eyes glowing back at me in the mirror. Panic flares, and I push away from the sink, regret flooding into me. I shouldn't be doing this in public. I need to hide this. I can't let anyone find out. I should pretend it doesn't exist.
When I calm down and step out, I almost walk right into someone. I stumble over an apology, stepping to the side to get out of the way, when I notice it's the girl that has been standing with Drew. My blood begins to run cold as she looks me up and down. Her green eyes narrow as she finally looks me in the eye. She has long, flowing salmon coloured hair, and is a little taller than me.
"Sorry," she says, though it doesn't sound genuine at all. "I almost knocked you over."
"It's alright," I say, wary of her. "Are you Dawn's friend?" I ask, though I already know the answer. I just want to know who she is and where she's come from.
"Nah. I just moved to town yesterday, and I heard about this party. I thought it would be a good place to meet people." She shrugs, then sticks out her hand. "I'm Solidad."
"Nice to meet you, then. I'm May." I want to say that I'm Drew's girlfriend, since she's obviously already met him, but hold myself back. She's smiling, but the smile doesn't reach her eyes, and she keeps flicking her eyes over me like she's judging.
"Nice to meet you, May. I'm sure we'll be seeing more of one another," she says with a sickly sweet smile and venom in her tone, like it's a promise. Before I can say any more, she steps into the bathroom and closes the door behind her.
I hurry away before she can come back out and speak to me again. Something about her is giving me terrible vibes, and after seeing how she's being with Drew, I already don't like her. As I round the corner into the hallway again, Drew steps out in front of me.
"Having fun?" He asks, but he isn't smiling. He's grimacing. I blink up at him. He hasn't spoken to me in at least an hour.
"Sure," I answer. "What's up?"
"You think I don't see you over there with him?" He hisses. I know he means Ash, but how can he be angry about that when he's been standing with Solidad, giggling and touching for an hour? I immediately feel my temper rising, and struggle to hold it back as he crosses his arms like he expects an explanation from me. He should know me better.
"What, dancing?" I cross my arms over my own chest too.
"You're flirting with him."
I close my eyes for a second and suck in a deep breath through my nose. "I'm dancing, Drew. Sorry that you've been preoccupied with someone else. I'd have danced with you otherwise."
His eyebrows furrow like he doesn't understand what I've said. "Have you been texting him?" He asks. The question is so random it stuns me for a moment. Drew's never been jealous like this before, and I don't understand why he's doing this now, unless he's just had too much to drink. I'd have been willing to overlook his flirting with Solidad if that was all it stayed as, but now that he's in front of me, slightly raising his voice, the rage is bubbling to the surface.
"No, I haven't been texting him."
"Show me your phone, then," he says, holding out his hand. My jaw drops open, unable to believe what I'm hearing.
"Are you serious?" I ask, raising my voice a little. "You're really being like this with me when you've been letting that girl flirt with you for an hour?"
I start to walk past him, but Drew reaches out and grabs my arm. I pull away instantly, turning to glare at him, my eyes burning. "Get off me."
"Come upstairs," he says, taking my arm again and pulling me in towards his chest. A few people are looking now, and my face burns from embarrassment. I try to pull away from him but he holds tight onto my wrist. He leans in to kiss me and I turn my head to the side, dodging him. I see the fury in his eyes before he snarls a little. Actually snarls at me, like an angry dog.
"No," I snap, pulling on my wrist again. He still doesn't let go, and it doesn't seem like he's going to, until I feel a body come up behind me. Drew's eyes seem to go on fire then, burning fifty shades of hell. I know it's Ash before I even look. He drops my wrist suddenly and I take a step back, bumping into Ash's chest.
"Of course," Drew barks, throwing an arm up and laughing humorlessly.
"She said no," Ash says, his voice deep and stern behind me, a warning. My chest swells despite myself, and I swallow down the strange feeling rising in my core.
"Have fun," Drew spits, before turning and walking away. I don't know where he's going, but I don't care. Suddenly embarrassed and unsure where I stand, I feel tears welling, and my throat gets tight. Ash steps around me.
"You okay?" He asks, genuine concern written on his features. At least someone cares.
"Yeah." I nod, swallowing hard. "Thank you. I better go find Dawn," I hurry off before he can stop me. I can't stand to have him looking at me like that. Despite everything, I really don't want Drew to get the wrong idea. He's my boyfriend. Without him, I'd be alone, and that thought terrifies me. My life is spiralling out of control, unravelling beneath my feet, and I only begin to breathe normally when I step out the French doors into Dawn's giant backyard. A few people are out there already, doing various things. I sit on the step by myself, taking deep breaths until I calm down, and then sip on the drink I'm holding, staring out.
I don't flinch when Misty throws herself down on the step beside me and lights a cigarette. "Gary's such an ass," she says. "Like, he manages to top his own record every day." She turns to face me. "What's wrong?"
"Drew," I say simply. She nods like she understood, and offers me a draw of her cigarette, but I shake my head.
"Please tell me you broke up with that dickhead." She blows her smoke out in front of her. "Please tell me I can finally kick his fucking ass."
I chuckle a little. "Nah. Not yet."
She shakes her head in genuine disappointment, and we sit in a comfortable silence for a minute. Then, she stubs out her cigarette, stands, and holds out her hand. "Come on," she says. "We're going to dance. Me and you. Fuck the men."
She looks so determined, like she really means those words, so I take her hand wordlessly and let her drag me into the living room, where the music is still banging, where more people are dancing than before. Dawn is here too, and Serena, and we end up dancing as a group, shaking ourselves around like we really don't care, and for a while I even forget about Drew, about Ash, about my abilities that I don't understand. I just let myself have fun.
When I next look at the clock, it's 2am. People are starting to leave, but I'm staying in one of Dawn's many spare rooms. I throw myself down on the sofa as Dawn begins to kick people out drunkenly. My head is spinning wildly from the alcohol, and it's hard to form a coherent thought. It's all gibberish. I throw my head back and stare at the ceiling, which spins wildly above me. Dawn steps in front of me to let me know that Drew has gone home, and I squeeze my eyes shut. When I open them again, I stand up and head for the stairs. I've drank too much, and it would be best if I just went to bed and slept it off.
I find the room I'm staying in, one I've stayed in a hundred times before, and pull the door open. I step inside, then freeze. There's a noise coming from the ensuite. I take a few steps into the room, ready to bolt if I need to, but jump as the door clicks shut behind me. I'm about to turn and open it again when the door to the bathroom swings open and Ash steps out.
"Oh, hey," he says casually.
"Hey," I say back, unsure what else to say. "People are leaving."
"Ah, Dawn said I could stay here." He shoves his hands in his pockets casually. "I take it this room was double booked?"
So she'd said he could stay in this room too. Was that a mistake, or had she deliberately put us both in here? She had been asking him to say I was the prettiest girl earlier… But why would Dawn do that? I assumed she'd be interested in him herself.
"I suppose it is. Don't worry, I'll sleep in her room," I say, stepping back. It wouldn't be uncomfortable to sleep in Dawn's bed with her, and I know she wouldn't mind either.
"Wait," he says before I can take another step. I freeze. He starts walking towards me in big strides. There's something strange in his eyes as he steps right up to me, making me take a step back, until my back is against the wall. My heart quickens as he leans over me. He doesn't speak. I think I might pass out as my breath comes in ragged bursts and my heart stutters. I think, for a split second, that he's going to kiss me as he leans in, but he stops inches from my face, his eyes flicking back and forth over mine, like he's looking for something in them. I can feel his warm breath on my face. I can hear the blood rushing past my ears, and a strange warmth pooling in the pit of my stomach, spreading lower... I fight the instinctual urge to lean up and press my lips into his, an urge that shocks me, and has me darting away from him quickly, almost tripping over myself.
He looks over at me as I breathe heavily, like nothing had happened. "Goodnight, May," he says casually.
"Goodnight," I squeak, and rush out of the room. I close the door behind me then fall against it, my thoughts too scrambled to sort through, my heart still beating hard against my ribs. The only thing I can think is what the fuck is going on?