Love is Never Lost Chapter One: I Lost Myself When I Lost You
"Colin, are you even listening to what I am saying?" Viscount Anthony Bridgerton bellowed to brother as the two sat together for lunch on one summer afternoon. It was barely ten minutes into their conversation when Colin began to doze off, much to Anthony's dismay. The two were discussing Colin's new trip to Brookshire, a small country town north of Edinburgh, the fourth he has taken this past year.
"Uh- yes of course brother." Colin said hastily, awoken from his haze, his eyes still focused on the floor. This was the third time this week Anthony came to visit his brother for tea. It was the only time Anthony seemed to see his brother. For the past four years, Colin has been traveling around the world, keeping only to himself and never venturing out into society. His sudden reclusive lifestyle scared Colin's family. Anthony always tried to get his brother to settle, but no matter how hard he tried, it was no use.
"Colin if you would please listen to me-" Anthony stated irritably, before Colin interrupted again.
"No I won't. I need to go on this trip. I have to. Lord Fife invited me to his country home in Brookshire. I plan to stay a week there I promise. The moment I get back from Brookshire, I will settle down I promise I will." Colin pleaded to his brother, his eyes wild with hopelessness. Colin Bridgerton was known in society as a wandering traveler, Never settling down like the rest of his family. His brand new lifestyle caused him to stray away from his own family. Despite Colin's insistence that he was well, his family feared Colin was losing himself.
"Colin, this trip won't even fix anything. I don't even know what has gotten into you these days." Anothny stated, causing Colin to grow with concern.
"What on earth do you mean brother?" Colin asked, afraid of what his brother would say.
"It's just for the past four years you have always been traveling around everywhere. We never see you. Mother is worried sick about you. I just don't understand-" Anthony exclaimed, causing Colin to finally snap.
"Exactly you don't understand. I know the past years I haven't been… myself. And I know it's time for me to… take responsibility and move on. That is why I'm using this trip as a way to get everything out of my system. To let everything go before I go back into reality. I know I've been distant and I am sorry for that but I do believe I can change." Colin fired back, anger rising at his brother's accusations. Although deep down, he knows his brother is right. He had become reclusive.
He knew he was distancing himself from everyone, using traveling as a way to escape. For Colin, everyone seemed to be moving on but him. His siblings now had families, and had estates to run. Yet for Colin, he seemed too never be able to move on. This fact terrified Colin. The worst part was, he knew why he couldn't move on. It was the reason which haunted Colin for the past four years.
"I know Colin. And I know it has been hard for you since Pen-" Anthony tried to reach for his brother's hand, only to aggravate his brother further.
"Don't you ever say her name," Colin snapped, Anthoy shocked by his brother's anger.
"I'm sorry just please. I can't think about her. Not now." Colin pleaded, Anthony's heart breaking for his poor brother. Colin knew the truth behind his sudden lifestyle, and it was all because of one particular person: Penelope Featherington, the girl who got away.
Penelope Featherington was a close childhood friend of the Bridgerton family. She was especially close to the fifth Bridgerton sibling Eloise, along with Colin himself. Penelope, known to be a shy wallflower, came from a troubled home: with her father being a known gambler and her mother constantly picking on her child's weight and awkward appearance. Sweet and shy Penelope found solace within the Bridgerton family, who accepted Penelope as though she was a Bridgerton herself. It was known that Penelope was very fond of Colin Bridgerton, some may even say he was in love with him. Despite Colin's constant pleas that Penelope was only a friend, everyone knew of the two's secret affection for one another. Yet, everything changed when the two got older. After the death of Penelope's father, her family slowly began to fall into financial poverty. Penelope suddenly withdrew herself from the Bridgerton family, cutting all contact from them. Despite the Bridgerton family's constant attempts to reach out to Penelope, it was no use. It was only a year after she cut off ties from the Bridgerton when Colin heard word that Penelope was being forced by her mother to marry an old baron named Lord Cromwell in order to pay off the family's debts. Lord Cromwell, an old libertine of two and sixty was a notorious rake who bribed the Featherington family for their daughter's hand. The Bridgerton family was mortified by the news, especially Colin. It was this news that made him realize he was in love with Penleope and would do everything in his power to save her. Colin tried everything to save Penelope, but it was too late. Penelope married the old lord and was whisked away from society and forced to live in the countryside with her odious husband, never to be seen or heard from again. Colin searched everywhere, but no matter how hard he looked, he eventually gave up all hope on ever saving her, causing his whole world to fall apart.
"I'm sorry brother. Just know if you ever want to talk about her I'm here. We loved her too and we always will." Anthony comforted Colin, who seemed to be on the verge of tears. Suddenly, Colin got up from his chair and embraced his brother, both overcome by emotion.
"Do you think she might… be still out there?" Colin whispered to his brother. Despite everyone's belief that she was gone forever, Colin still thought perhaps she could still be out there. Rumors spread around the Ton that the baron sold her off to a brothel, some even saying he murdered her. The rumors only filled Colin and his family with even more guilt and sorrow.
"I pray that she is someone who is safe. I pray to God that wherever she may be, she is safe." Anthony murmured, hugging his little brother close to his chest. Anthony was always the one to comfort Colin, even back when he was a child. Yet, no comfort could ever seem to heal the guilt he felt for losing Penelope, for nothing protecting her from that wretched Baron. Yet, Colin knew it was time to bury the past behind him. He wanted to let go. He wanted to forget her.
"It's almost time. I think it's time I finish my preparations for the trip." Colin stated, wiping the tears from his face, not wanting his brother to see him in such a state. Anthony sighed at his brother.
He knew he was suffering and wanted nothing more than to see his brother himself again. Even after all of these years, Anthony Colin still longed desperately for his Pen. It was her that brought him the greatest joy and deepest sorrow. If this was Colin's way of healing, then Anthony wished him all the best. After the two gave each other one last tender goodbye, Anthony went home to his wife and children-leaving Colin alone in his thoughts. Yet All Colin seemed to be able to think about, to be able to even breathe for: was her. His Penelope.
He suddenly envisioned what she would look like now. Would her fiery red hair still flow wildly down her back and shoulders? Would her deep azure eyes still shine brighter than any sun? Would her plump voluptuous body still fit perfectly against him, like two pieces of a perfect puzzle.
"No!" Colin bellowed to himself. He couldn't do this anymore. He had to stop, he had to stop this madness.
"Tomorrow," Colin thought to himself as he later settled into bed.
"Tomorrow I will embark to Brookshire and will finally move on. I will move on from her. No matter how hard it will be."
Little did Colin know that this trip would change the course of Colin and the rest of the Bridgerton family's lives.