A/N: Ok so I got part of this idea from a clone wars fanfiction, but it's not identical. I've seen a couple of ideas like this, and it's a super great idea so I figured I'd try it out. Also, this takes place in a no civil war universe where all of the avengers just sighed the accords.
I do not own the avengers or marvel (this should be obvious since I'm a minor and also this is a fanfiction.)
Steve Rogers had just about had it. Seriously, he had had it with the team's ridiculous ideas (and in some cases, their younger siblings be them frost giants or invention making geniuses) So, after a long 7 hours of writing, Steve got an avengers rule book together. A mandatory meeting of the avengers was held shortly after that in which everyone was slightly confused as Steve looked like he was about to lecture them.
"Wha'd we do, Cap?" Asked Tony.
"Nothing, well, 15 percent of you did nothing." Steve looked in the direction of Bruce and T'challa.
"So, I have compiled a rule book of rules that will not be followed at all times in the compound." Said Steve.
Tony gave him a death stare, but Steve shot one right back and Tony gave no snarky comments.
"Let's start."
1: There will be no further tolerance of reaching out to Nick Fury for cat care tips
2: Taking any suit of armor without the owner's permission is not allowed. This includes but is not limited to:
A: The Iron Man
B: The Falcon Wings
C: "Spidy suit"
D: The black Panther suit (we do not need an international incident)
3: Replacing Clint's belongings with that of bird merchandise is not funny.
4: The Haunting Of Hill House is not an appropriate bedtime story for a 14 year old
5: Peter Parker does not require a bedtime story
6: Tony Stark does not require a bedtime story
7: Making Banner angry on purpose will not be tolerated as a practical joke
8: Putting wild animals in bedrooms is no longer allowed examples include
A) Black Panthers, Jaguars, or Leopards
B) Hawks
C) Falcons
9: Putting rats in Tony's room is still tolerated
10: Wanda Manimoff's powers will not be used to open jars
11: You may not steal any of Natasha's weapons without a deathwish
12: the following nicknames will no longer be acceptable
- Ironass
- Great Great Grandpa Steve
- Uncle Steve (even if you called my girlfriend "Aunt Peggy")
- Kitty
- Hulkie
- Chicken Hawk/Falcon
- Captain Vader
- 100 year old virgin
- Frisbee-shield
13: Peter Parker must have supervision when with Shuri
14: Vision is not to be referred to as 'the almost Ultron'
15: No snide remarks are to be made about the age of James Rhodes
16: I am aware Nick Fury resembles Mace Windu. No calling Fury 'Master' or 'Master Windu'
17: No breeding guinea pigs in the compound
"Aww.. but.. Spidey Jr is just getting old enough to be a father." Said Peter.
"Peter.. I know you love animals, but this rule is firmly in place." Replied Steve
Peter turned to Tony, who was holding back laughter "Oh well.. at least my goat-"
"Rule 18: No breeding goats, Llamas, lions, or any other animal"
"Oh come on!"
19: under no circumstances will there be any form of trying to summon other-worldly beings.
20: Loki impressions are no longer permitted
21: No bribing Loki to cast spells on teammates
22: Do not hit Peter with a broom when he is asleep on the ceiling
23: No testing if T'challa has nine lives. Okoye was not happy after the incident
24: No panther fur carpets
25: Any movie chosen for movie night must be:
A) Child friendly
B) Not something based off of Norse mythology
C) Not The Fly
26: Scott Lang's daughter is not allowed to be a test subject, no matter how much she begs
27: Children visiting the compound are not allowed to try out one of Stark's iron man suits.
28 it does not matter if they are a super genius.
29: Apparent we are not allowed in Wakanda to see Bucky without permission.
30: Clint Barton is not an actual Hawk
31: Sam Wilson is not an actual Falcon
32: Peter Parker is not an actual Spider
33: T'challa is not an actual Panther
34: Tony Stark is an actual rat
35: Prank calling Lady Sif is against the rules
36: There will be no more allowance of wild animals to run freely around the compound
37: The compound training area is not a baseball field
38: No staring at black widow for more then 8 seconds. You will receive a broken arm from Natasha Romanoff
39: Under no circumstances will shipping team mates together be tolerated. Looking at you, Barton
"Alright, but here me out." Clint started, looking at Steve with a mischievous glint in his eye. "You and Tony-"
"CLINT!" Tony practically screamed.
Clint smirked, getting the reaction he was hoping for.
"Continue."
40: The usage of Parker's web shooters to open doors will no longer be tolerated.
41: DUM-E is not allowed to clean our rooms without permission.
42: Clint Barton is no longer allowed to spy on us through the vents
43: No one will initiate random boxing matches with a person who is asleep in bed
44: Asking the Wakandan army to help in an internal matter without the consent of T'challa and the US government is asking for a war
45: No bringing up Howard infront of Tony
46: Furthermore, no bringing up Maria Stark infront of Tony
47: The use of Wakandan vibranium needs to be cleared before used
48: Peter Parker will not be referred to as
A) Tony jr
B) Ironman jr
C) Starkie jr
49: Loki and Star Wars are an explosive combination. Do not let him watch it.
"Just because he was cheering for Darth Vader to kill Leia on the spot?" Asked Tony.
"No, because he was writing down his plans and murmuring about adjusting them." Replied Steve.
50: Old SHIELD tech are not toys. We don't need a repeat of the dog incident.
"But Tony made a remarkable yorkie!" Thor boomed.
Tony shivered at the thought. "Yeah, you got it, cap."
51: Dr Banner's chemicals are not to be messed with
52: If you see the war Machine suit unoccupied, the correct course of action is to leave it alone
53: Rhodes is not an encyclopedia for the airforce
54: Pepper Potts is not your mom
55: Tony is not your dad
56: There will be consequences for flooding the training room to make an ice rink
57: Peter is not your personal servant, no matter how much he insists he is
58: Sharon Carter is not who you call when you want a sandwich made
59: No dressing up as eachother for Halloween
60: Sharing sun butter with the foxes outside will not make them go away, stop giving it to them
61: Under no circumstances will any one of us buy merchandise of Eachother's belongings
62: Falcon's armor is not a toy to be used to retrieve kites from trees
63: Tony Stark's interns are not allowed to clean our rooms without our consent
"That intern who you found sleeping on your bed was fired." Tony said.
"Doesn't matter. T'challa found his room full of little black kittens." Steve said back.
Tony looked back at T'challa who had a hand to his forehead. He was silent after that.
64: Using the lion king as an enology for Thor and Loki is not allowed. Thor will smite you
65: Using the lion king as an enology for The Wakandan black panther ceremony is not allowed. You will be clawed
66: You can have a maximum of 50 stuffed animals in your bedroom. It is not allowed to have a closet devoted to storing them
67: No interrupting training. Exceptions include
A) An apocalypse
B) Alien invasion
C) The end of the world
D) New compound pet
68: Our superhero's with animal superhero names do not need to be given said animal
"Aw, come on! The black widow wasn't that bad!"
"I would be dead if it weren't for Parker." Rhodey replied
"I still have bits marks from the panther." Tony shivered.
69: we all know Stark called my girlfriend 'aunt Peggy'. You dont have to keep bringing it up. It's weird
70: For the love of god stop reading the fanfictions about us. Loki and Thor are brothers not lovers
"What?!" Boomed Thor. "Point me in the direction of who has been writing these things!"
"Yeah.. it's kinda creepy. Just ignore 'em" Sam said.
71: When confronted with a situation where Tony and Bruce and in the lab mumbling to eachother about science and math, the correct course of action is to walk away slowly
72: No watching Marley and me. Tony gets to be a handful when he's upset
73: You May not bring your kids to the avengers compound without permission! Especially if the three of them are little monsters
74: Yoda impressions are forbidden on the battle field
75: There is no correct answer to "the dress" colour. No arguing about it at 3AM
76: Any zoos that Tony has bought for Peter will not be transported to the compound
77: There is no acceptable way to tell T'challa "Here, kitty kitty"
78: No feeding the ducks
79: Locking the avengers in their rooms is dangerous and against the rules
80: The consequences for stealing Loki's spell books is death by Loki
81: There will be no further bets taken on when Wanda and Vision are gonna get together
82: Shuri and Peter are not allowed to drink. Don't give it to them. They can be convincing
83: The next person to bring up the fact that I'm dating my old girlfriend's niece will be sorry
"But, Steve, you are." Rhodey said
"I think he's just mad that it sounds weird when you say it that way. I mean.. he's like 2-4 times our ages." Tony replied.
"Continuing on,"
84: The people who have been hacking FRIDAY, consequences will be given when you are found out
85: You are not allowed to throw millions of dollars of tech away because 'it's outdated', Stark!
86: 1940s Captain America propaganda tour merchandise will not be seen in the compound
87: You are allowed to force Tony to eat something after 12 hours without leaving his workshop
88: Hungry Bruce = Hulk. You may force feed Banner if you need to.
89: Stark is not allowed to be working on genetic modification with Banner anymore
90: The next person to eat one of Thor's pop t- Tarts of pop will be very sorry
91: Peter is not a football
92: Wakanda vibranium transports are not rideable
93: Never bring up how Thor is technically the middle child
94: Loki is not to be used as a guinea pig while captured
95: Calling Falcon 'Birdy' Black Panther 'kitty' or Black Widow 'spidey 2.0' is uncomfortable for everyone. Don't do it
96: Don't buy pillows with pictures of our armor on them. It makes things awkward
97: There will be no further tolerance of Using the 'ant man' suit to spy on your teammates
98: Tony's B.A.R.F technology is not to be used freely
99: there will be consequences for anyone found trying to open portals to other worlds
100: Thanos is a complete myth and he will never Try to make everyone disappear. Don't listen to Peter and Ned
101: Always listen to your captain.
Steve closed his rule book to find most of the avengers trying not to laugh.
"What?" He asked.
"With all do respect Captain Rogers, the avengers are very unique individuals who will not always follow direction." T'challa said.
"He means those rules are gonna be forgotten super fast and we aren't listening to ya if we don't want to!" Tony clarified.
There were murmurs of agreement.
"Except the fanfiction one. No reading fanfiction about eachother." Tony said quickly.
"Agreed." All of the avengers said.