A/N: The song I listened to while writing this one is: In The End [Mellen Gi Remix] feat. Fleurie. Sets the mood pretty well, in my opinion. You might like it, as well!
Also, minor spoilers for a lullaby that shows up in Bloodline. Alderaan canonically has no moon, so that is why the lines about the "long awaited moon" come up. It makes sense when you get to it.
…~oOo~…
Once, when I was twelve, I fell out of a tree in the royal garden. I'd been climbing much too high, and had been warned by my father not to go up any further. But I did so anyway. Then, the branch snapped under my foot, and I predictably toppled to the grass below just as he'd warned me might happen.
Of course, the fall wasn't fatal—only stunning. I lay splayed out and dazed on the grass, even after my father and several staffers had rushed up to help me. For several moments, I was unable to speak, gasping for air, unable to fathom what just happened, much less prepared to contemplate getting up yet…
Which was how I felt now. I stared blindly out at the scene of destruction, and couldn't comprehend it. No longer did the soft blue and green sphere float in its center. Instead, red-hot chunks of core glowed like magma, rolling around the view screen.
But it made no sense. None of it.
None of it made any sense.
All in a single instant, the pieces clicked, and I howled with grief. Tarkin watched on, impassive, unfeeling. His lips twitched with apparent mirth as the tears poured from my eyes…
Fury lit within me, a candle that formed the only remembrance ceremony my world would ever know. "You call yourselves human?" I snarled, rushing forward to grab at Tarkin, to beat, to claw, to destroy him—
But Vader's armored hand clamped around my shoulder, holding me back once more. I fought, but my struggles proved useless against the great evil's brute and seemingly unconquerable strength.
Tarkin said lazily, "Take her away to await termination. Sedate her, if you must."
But they didn't need to. My fury had burned so red-hot that it snuffed out before I could do any good with it. Troopers yanked me up, carrying me away from the room as my legs dragged across the polished floors…
They must have taken me back to my cell. I didn't remember. Maybe I'd been sedated after all. I know only that I came to awareness back in the metal cage of my confinement. I shook all over.
Mom.
Dad.
All my friends.
All my people.
My world—
I'd once thought these things could never be taken from me. Now, every single one of them had been. And it was my fault.
The loss was impossible to quantity. Yet it also felt stunningly real all of a sudden. Apenza Peak. The palace. Aldera. The River Wuitho slithering through the city. All the candlewick blossoms blooming on the ground. All the people milling about. All the children—
Mirrorbright shines the moon, its glow as soft as an ember. The old lines of the lullaby floated into my mind as the tears fell faster now. Had children looked up into the sky on the Death Star's arrival, pointed eagerly, and sang the song? Had they, just before the end, happily believed the long-awaited moon of legend had finally come to Alderaan?
I squeezed my eyes shut against the stream of tears, trying not to think about it. But I failed. I failed.
I failed.
I tried to summon up images of my mother and father, trying to grasp onto some anchor to tow me to shore—to stop me from drowning. All I found was a memory of my father's last words to me.
"Taking on all these responsibilities… they've shaped you into a glittering star. There is nothing you can't handle, Leia."
Oh, I broke apart completely then, unaware of sound or light or the sick smell of the ozone air recirculating in my cell. Unaware of anything except the blazing, burning memory of the world's glowing-coal chunks of core… heated with its death…
"There's nothing you can't handle."
And it was then that my father's words were disproven. Because I still cried even though I tried not to, and I couldn't find the strength to get up. Couldn't find the strength to stop crying. What was the point?
"Taking on all these responsibilities… they've shaped you into a glittering star. There is nothing you can't handle, Leia."
But he'd been wrong. Oh, he'd been so very wrong. This couldn't be handled. This couldn't be helped. This couldn't be solved, or stopped, or powered through.
And since when did Bail Organa compare me to such things anyway? My father had never been a man who valued gems or riches, or fell back on poetic flattery. My confusion at his words stirred afresh.
A star.
A star.
Taking on all of these weights of responsibilities, each of them so very heavy… enduring Kier's death, becoming a part of the rebellion, becoming a senator… had shaped me into a star? What does that mean? That I'd become more beautiful and lovely than ever?
A sudden thought occurred to me, as the image of my father's face swam before my eyes. How else did a star get formed but through a cosmic collision of energy and heat? A terrible explosion led to a beautiful new light, twinkling determinedly in the dark.
Maybe… I'd misunderstood what my father had meant. Maybe his words hadn't been poetic, or flattering at all. They'd been literal.
New strength flooded my limbs, giving me the will and ability to rise to my feet. New determination raced through me, making my pulse pound and mind crystalline with clarity. Let them think they'd taken all from me. Let them think they'd broken me. They never could.
I searched around the cell with new determination, new focus, and new strength. I looked for my out. I would get out. I would return to the Alliance. I would avenge and honor my family, my people, and my world. Because the Empire could never break me, would never break me.
Within me was something none of them—not Vader, Tarkin, or the Emperor himself—could ever touch.
My heart was a star that would never burn out. Fuel and fire, energy and light. A never-ending repository of resilience. This light twinkled within me, a star my father had first seen, and now I did for myself. And I would outshine them all.
So long as I always remembered that… I could handle anything.
Shutting my eyes, I put my hands together and whispered, "I promise, Mom and Dad, to remember."
…~oOo~…
A/N: Credit to the Princess, the Pirate, and the Scoundrel for inspiring this "star" ending.
Question for you all: I am planning to go straight from ANH to ESB for this story, since I am 1. Not too expert on the comics bridging the two films, and 2. Of the opinion it would take too long to cover everything. Is that okay with you all or are you really set on having some between-Empire time with Leia? Thanks for letting me know.
Until next time,
Rivkah