MiraculElse #33: All Sales Are Final
by DFC
(Timeline: Post-Season 4.)
"This is not a good idea."
As Ladybug pried open a rear window on Master Fu's dormant studio, Chat Noir's words were not lost upon her.
"I know this isn't a good idea," she agreed. "But I am fresh out of good ideas. If you have any of your own, you're welcome to share."
"Oh, I know, I know," Chat shuddered. "We're cut off from the Miracle Box, and we need any sources of power we can get. But..."
"Remember the note."
Chat thought back to the note from Master Fu that Ladybug had shown him, given to her more than a year ago, scrawled words on brown, folded-up paper:
If ever you are in the direst straits, the Miraculous cannot help, and the last resort is needed...
If you have NO OTHER CHOICE...
...Seek the Insidious, be strong, be moral, and beware.
The window popped open, and the heroes stared at the opening for a moment.
"...Destiny awaits," Chat quipped.
"...Something awaits," Ladybug countered. "Let's get to searching."
Two hours later, the heroes stood in a small chamber deep beneath the earth, a makeshift torch in Chat's right hand.
"I'm just going to say it," Chat opined. "There are reasons that Master Fu never told us about this. I feel like I'm walking into a horror movie. I can almost hear the audience screaming, 'Don't open that door!'"
"Oh, you're exaggerating," smiled Ladybug, working on convincing herself that he was. "Just because it took us an hour just to find the hidden wall panel, and then we had to navigate the hand-carved tunnel, walk past a few skeletons, little things like that..."
"I'm serious," Chat insisted. "This is creepy as hell."
"I'm... not arguing with you about that, believe me," shuddered Ladybug. "Master Fu was a force for good, no matter what, but this doesn't feel like anything he'd ever have created. I'd really like to hear his story as to what this is and why it's here."
"Which would be a little difficult."
"Just a bit. So all I have to go on," sighed Ladybug, "is a scribbled note in which he'd warned me that this was a very last resort."
"Are you sure about this? Following this tunnel to the end?"
Chat pulled Ladybug aside for a moment, halting their progress. "We've done our job with just our two Miraculous before. We can try to do it again."
"Chat, we talked about this. Hawkmoth didn't have the other Miraculous back then," Ladybug pointed out. "If we're going to save the day and defeat Hawkmoth this time, we need every bit of power we can get our hands on. Whatever the cost may be... so I need to at least look into this and see what it's about. And I need you here with me in case I can't handle it alone."
"Fair enough. So... what do we do about this?"
He stared at the next obstacle blocking their path... which appeared to be a thick wall of some kind of hard cheese, to their astonishment.
"Tikki did warn me that this Kwami had a strange sense of humor," Ladybug said.
"It's... it is cheese! Smells like Gruyère," declared Chat, tapping it with a fist. "Like, a couple of truckloads of it."
"Save your Cataclysm. We might need it later," Ladybug instructed him. "Are you... feeling hungry, Chat?"
"Ha, ha," Chat quipped. "The sheer amount of it aside, that much lactose would... I don't even want to think about it," Chat shuddered. "But I think I know someone who's up for the job."
"You mean..."
"Close your eyes, Ladybug."
"Sure. I'll see if mine wants to help, too. Ready?"
"Ready. Claws in."
"Spots off."
Tikki and Plagg popped into the air, staring at and clearly recognizing the obstacle before them...
"Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no, nooooo," gasped Tikki.
"Oh, yesssssssss," cackled Plagg. "Just look at that!"
"You understand what's back there?" Tikki barked. "What it is that they're seeking? What we're all in for?"
"Uh-huh," Plagg noted. "But if I'm headed straight for Hell, at least I won't be hungry when I get there."
As the sound of Plagg burrowing through a cheese mountain filled the air, Marinette reached over and took Adrien's hand in hers, her eyes tightly closed.
"We're doing the right thing. The only thing," she whispered.
"Says someone who won't have to smell what comes out of Plagg for the next two weeks," Adrien teased her, just as quietly.
At long last, the re-transformed heroes stood in front of an innocuous-looking desk. The desk looked harmless enough, that is; common wood, ordinary varnish, possibly of 19th-century design. The room surrounding it was ominous enough to make Ladybug expect Dracula or Frankenstein's monster to jump out at them at any moment.
"This must be it," Chat gulped. "Just as Plagg had described it. The place reeks of power... and not a good kind. Do we really want to do this?"
"We've come this far..."
Ladybug closed her eyes momentarily, then slid the desk drawer open. A tiny winged creature flew out and hovered in the air in front of them, sizing them up.
"Hello, hello!" it burbled, cheerfully. "Visitors, at last! I haven't had anyone to talk to in ages."
Chat stared at it. It appeared harmless enough; a tiny fairy-like being with simple clothes, a tiny hat perched upon his head and googly eyes, each rarely seeming to be gazing at the same place as the other.
"You must be..." he ventured.
"Yes, I am Twistt, the Kwami of Conversion. Whatever you've got to offer, I'll give you something good for it... and you might be amazed what I'll take in trade."
Tikki's words echoed in Ladybug's ears...
"More like the Kwami of Perversion," Tikki had warned her. "He will offer you all sorts of bargains, power and weapons and your heart's desires. He might specify what he wants in return; he might not. But every time he grants a favor, he'll change something about you or the world around you, and not usually for the better."
"So this is an evil Kwami?" wondered Marinette.
"Not... exactly? Good and evil are human constructs and concepts," evaded Tikki. "Not all of his bargains turn out badly for you. More like... he has his own bizarre desires and sense of logic. He knows how he wants to shape the world; he needs someone else's participation in his bargaining ritual to get that, and the more startled you'll be by the changes, the more he likes it."
"Treat him like a genie, then. Be very careful about what I ask for and how I'll phrase it."
"Precisely. Hang onto your soul if you can; you'll want that sometime down the road."
"And should I take his Miraculous with me?" Marinette had asked.
"Goodness, no. Leave it and him right where you find them," shuddered Tikki. "Close and lock and cover up whatever doors you open getting there. The last thing you'd ever want is to have him with you all the time!"
"So you know of me, do you? That'll save a lot of time," Twistt grinned. "And you must have wanted to meet me really badly, if you came all this way. Isn't that right, Miss Guardianbug?"
Ladybug stared at him. "You... know that I'm the Guardian of the Miraculous?" she wondered aloud.
"Sure!" Twistt chuckled. "It's written all over your face."
"Be serious, please," Ladybug countered. "I'd like to know how... what?"
She turned towards Chat Noir, who was staring at her in horror.
"It... actually, it is."
Confused, Ladybug opened her yo-yo and used a small mirror inside to examine herself. The words I'M THE GUARDIAN OF THE MIRACULOUS, ISN'T THAT NEAT? appeared all over her face in small print, lines of text having been stamped there at random angles.
"H-hey! Stop that!" she protested, shaking her head as if to knock the words off of her skin. When she looked in the mirror once more, to her shock, it had actually worked!
Twistt guffawed loudly, in a manner that seemed less than hilarious to the heroes. "First one's free," he chuckled, "just to show that we're all friends here, right?"
"I... sure hope that we are," mumbled Chat, visibly unnerved at the ease with which Twistt had just bent reality.
Twistt saw his discontent and waved his hand. "All right, all right," he declared, "you came here for a reason. No one ever comes here without a very good reason. What's the problem that you need to solve, anyway?"
"Well..."
"So... someone's got sixteen of the Miraculous, and you're afraid that they're gonna wreck civilization," mused Twistt. "That's a biggie, yup, it is."
"It's not an idle threat," Ladybug insisted. "With those, he can grant himself other powers, he can teleport, he can play with timelines, he can tap into people's minds..."
"You have powers of your own, though. The two big guns," Twistt frowned. "Why don't you just put your heads together and say, 'We Wish that the guy with those Miraculous was teleported to Alpha Centauri?'"
"We certainly don't want him dead," Chat blurted out, immediately. "We want to recapture the Miraculous, not hurt him."
"Okay, okay," Twistt continued, as if speaking to young schoolchildren. "'We Wish that the theft of the Miraculous had never happened, and they are all right here where they belong.' That's not so hard, is it?"
Chat stared questioningly at Ladybug, who shook her head, negatively.
"Twistt, our... mentor, the previous Guardian... he taught us that the Wish should never be used. That there's always a karmic payback, a balance to be maintained, and that fixing a problem with it causes an equal problem for someone else," she explained. "It's too dangerous and too powerful."
"Ahhh," Twistt smiled. "You have those things. What do they call them... 'ethics?'"
"We like to think so, yes," Chat replied. "We want to fix what has happened, not to rewrite the whole universe."
"Well, you're in luck, then, 'cause I've got just the things for you here."
Floating downwards slightly, Twistt gave the desk a swift kick, and the drawer opened more fully. A set of seven jewels spilled forth, each a different shape and color, but all sparkling and radiant even in the dim cave light.
"Here's what I'm gonna do for you," Twistt grinned. "Meet the Insidious. They're like Miraculous, but more fun. You don't have to transform or deal with a Kwami; you can just hold it in your hand and it'll give you power. Their Kwamis are baked inside of them, so they're always 'on.'"
"How... did they get like that?" frowned Ladybug. "Stuck inside of them, I mean?"
Twistt allowed himself an unsettling smile. "Some beings are better bargainers than others," he laughed.
Her undisguised horror was not lost upon Twistt. "Don't give me that look. I didn't force anything on anyone," he pointed out. "I don't whammy or blindside anyone. I make deals."
"Then tell us exactly what kind of deal we might be making here," Chat insisted. "Before we bargain our lives away."
"Sure. Cut to the chase. I think I like you, kid," Twistt smiled. "Each one of these can hold some serious power. I'll tell you what each one has in it, and you two make me an offer. If I like it, the gem's yours. If I don't, I put whatever second power I want into it, and you can take it or leave it. Your choice. But if you turn one down even after I've altered it, we're done; no more deals."
"And we're not getting the powers that we really want until near the end, I'll bet," Ladybug frowned.
"Seven gems. Nobody's ever made it past round four," the Kwami answered her. "Either because they got what they came for, or the price got too high. You could be the first."
"Or we could end up being a sparkle inside one of those gems."
Twistt smiled at Chat. "You pays your money, you takes your chances, I guess. Shall we begin?"
Reluctantly, Chat and Ladybug nodded.
"Okay! Insidious gem number one is this little red beauty here," drawled Twistt. "It's got a power that almost every human being's dreamed of having... unfettered flight. With it in your hand, you can soar like an eagle, hover like a hummingbird, swoop like a mighty dragon or anything in between."
"Huh," Chat mused, the concept capturing his attention. "Do we sprout wings, or something?"
"Only if you want to, but I doubt that you do," Twistt noted. "No, you're like a cartoon superhero of old. You think 'up,' you go up until you want to come back down. You're gravity-optional. You could take a little nap on a cloud, if you wanted to."
"Tempting," smiled Chat.
"We have fought flying villains before, like Dark Cupid," Ladybug considered. "We can get some pretty serious air through our own powers... but his increased mobility was a real pain."
"It's an edge," Chat agreed. "Not a game-changer."
"All right, kids. What is this gem worth to you?" barked Twistt. "Make me your offer, and it had better be good."
"What is it that you want?" Chat asked.
"That... is for you to figure out."
"Hmmm," Chat pondered. "You have to be hungry, being down here all alone for, what, centuries? Name your favorite food, and I'll go out and get it and bring it to you. Lots of it."
"Chat Noir!" Ladybug chided him. "We need to talk about this before one of us just blurts out an offer! This is serious!"
"It is serious. And you think that I can grant powers on a cosmic level, but I can't make myself a cheeseburger when I feel like it?" laughed Twistt. "You're not even close, kid. So here's my counter-offer, instead..."
The Kwami gestured, and the red gem flared brightly for a few seconds, then settled down to a dull, pulsing throb.
"I just gave it the power of continuous flight. As in, no landing," Twistt grinned. "Once you use it, you can fly for the rest of your life... and you will, because you won't be able to let go of it. It'll become magically fused to your body, and you and the ground will actually repel each other. You try to lie in bed, you'll float just above it."
"That's... that's awful," Ladybug groaned. "Even when we're not transformed?"
"Forever."
"So there's no more secret identity, then," Chat frowned. "We'd be walking down the street a hand's width above it. Like that wouldn't stand out just a bit."
"Don't look so glum. I went easy on you that time," Twistt proclaimed. "To show you how the bargaining works. Yeah, if you use it, you're stuck like that, but nothing says that you have to use it. You can just accept it and move onto the next item up for bids, if you want."
"L-let's do that," Ladybug replied, quickly.
"To show you that there are no hard feelings, I'll let you choose the next gem, my boy," Twistt told Chat. "Any one of the other six. You might get lucky."
"Sure. What do they do?"
"Well, I'm not gonna just tell ya," Twistt grinned. "You're gonna have to get lucky."
"There's no way for us to tell before he chooses?" asked Ladybug. When Twistt shook his head, she shrugged at Chat. "Whatever feels good to you, then," she suggested. "Pick a color."
"Green... like my eyes," Chat selected.
"Not bad, not bad!" crowed Twistt. "Not the heaviest hitter of the bunch, but a good one. Precognition! Visions that come and go. Glimpses of the future. Know your mistakes before you make 'em."
"Ooooh," Ladybug gasped. "But... is it the future, or a future? If I see something, do I have the ability to try to keep it from happening, or is it a destiny that's locked in once I see it?"
"A very good question," Twistt noted, "and a wise one to ask. And I'm going to answer it with... it depends."
"Great," deadpanned Chat. "That answers everything."
"You'll get a sense of how likely it is when you have the vision. If it's a fifty-fifty maybe, you'll know it. If it's ninety-nine out of a hundred and you'll need to bend heaven and earth to prevent it, you'll feel that. Nothing is ever one-hundred-percent certain; there's always a random factor, a lightning bolt from the blue, a whim of fate that can flip the table. Sometimes fate just rolls a natural 20."
"Noted."
"Knowing Hawkmoth's moves before he makes them... that could be big," Chat considered. "Although... now he can mess with time, too. Either briefly with Sass's Second Chance or broadly, using Fluff."
"We can't pass on this, right?" asked Ladybug.
"You can... but then you take your flying gem and go home," Twistt replied. "So you either offer me what you think this one's worth... or we're done."
Ladybug pulled Chat into a brief, huddled conversation... then turned to face their tiny bartering partner.
"Okay. You're not someone who'd be interested in material things, you made that clear," she reasoned. "So money, food, gold, those sorts of things aren't what you're looking for."
"Very astute. And correct," confirmed Twistt.
"And you don't seem the type to ask for something cruel or painful," Chat agreed. "Like, 'cut your right arm off for this' or 'six pints of virgin's blood.'"
"What would I do with an arm?" Twistt laughed. "Yeah, keep all that."
"So... let me try this," suggested Ladybug. "One year or five instances of favors, whichever comes first. We don't know what you need, but we'll help you get it when you call upon us."
"Mmmm! Daring." Twistt appeared amused by her offer. "You don't know what it is that I want, true. What if I say, 'help me kill someone' or 'help me overthrow the government of Liechtenstein' or 'help me turn a hundred crocodiles loose in the streets of Paris?'"
"I would rather hope that you wouldn't do that," deadpanned Chat.
"But you don't know."
Ladybug's face darkened. "Then I must amend our offer," she declared. "We will act in accordance with our morals and values and with general... goodness. Or at least neutrality," she said. "We will not hurt living things, commit crimes, that sort of thing as part of the bargain. And if you understand us as you seem to, you will grasp why we're setting limits and what those are."
"Agreed. And I will respond like this," said Twistt. "It is not that I am displeased to find that you have scruples and moral boundaries; far from it. I was rather counting on it, to be quite honest," he smiled. "But to trade 'we'll help you with anything that we approve of' for actual glimpses of the future? That's no bargain at all. Rejected!"
"Fine," she sighed. "What's your counter-offer this time, then?"
"It is this," he replied, his voice growing stern. "The gem will infect your bodies with a side effect. From the moment that you return upstairs in possession of this gem, you will radiate your secret identity to everyone within ten meters of you at all times."
"Wh-what?" gasped Ladybug.
"You heard me," the Kwami declared. "When you are Ladybug, anyone who comes near you will realize that you're also... your other self," he smiled, being tactful while it was still possible to do so. "When you're your other self, you might as well be wearing an I Am Ladybug T-shirt everywhere. And the same goes for your partner."
"And that's whether we use it or not?" Chat realized.
"Correct. The future itself will be at your fingertips! But it will be a future without the private lives that you enjoy now. You can view tomorrow's secrets, but the world will know your secrets... with all that that implies."
"I... I need to think about this," Ladybug faltered.
"Think fast! The offer expires in sixty seconds. And if it does, you're out of here."
Chat was visibly pale, but pulled himself together rapidly. "This might be the edge we need to stop Hawkmoth. Or the next gem might be, or the next one. We can't stop now," he insisted. "There's too much at stake."
"But... Chat, I can't ask you to take that kind of risk! You'd be putting yourself, your family, your friends in danger! You might never have a quiet moment again." Ladybug snapped her head back to Twistt. "Can I make that part apply to just me?" she asked.
"It's both or nothing," the Kwami replied, flatly.
Everything about my life changes if I say 'yes,' worried Ladybug. It all comes crumbling down. But if this power helps me make up for my mistake, helps me save the city from Hawkmoth... and maybe the world as well?
"I can't answer for you, Chat. You have to do that yourself. I can't... take all of that away from you," she pleaded.
Chat didn't hesitate.
"I accept."
Staring at him in disbelief, Ladybug followed that with:
"I accept, as well."
Twistt viewed the two of them with a calculating smile.
"Nice doing business with you. You two are now the proud owners of the red and green Insidious. My declaring that starts the timer on that identity effect, by the way; the moment you hit the surface, it begins."
"Even if I was to give that one back to you before we leave?" asked Ladybug.
"One way to find out... if you'd want to chance giving away something valuable for nothing," Twistt grinned. "That would be telling. That deal is over now; I don't have to keep negotiating it."
Chat and Ladybug stared at each other, meaningfully.
As soon as we return, Chat will know that I'm Marinette, Ladybug realized. And so will everyone else. My parents, my classmates, the press, even Hawkmoth's villains will know as soon as I get close!
"Tell you what... I think that last one threw the two of you for a loop," Twistt noted, graciously. "Sit down before you fall down. Take five before we move to round three."
As the heroes stepped aside for a moment, Ladybug stared daggers at the goony-looking Kwami.
He's testing us. I'm sure of it, she pondered. This isn't about what we can give him; what COULD we give him that he can't make for himself, or that he would actually need?
What this is all about is pushing our boundaries. Figuring out what we're willing to sacrifice, and where we'd break. Seeing if we're the right kind of people to HAVE the kind of power that he can offer.
Or... he could just be a jerk who's toying with us for fun, she doubted herself. Tikki warned me that this was a slippery one, and I thought that I was prepared, but...!
She glanced at Chat, who appeared as unnerved as she felt. "Welp," she told him. "You've always wanted to know who I am behind the mask... and you're about to."
"Not necessarily," he offered. "I could run out through the door first, get some distance away, and from then on..." he trailed off.
"And then what? You and I can never get within a city block of each other again? Or of anyone else?" sighed Ladybug, with a small smile. "No, that's not going to work. We got ourselves into this, and we'd been warned."
"Should we keep going, then?" Chat wondered. "What might we be risking next?"
"We have to keep going. These two gems are powerful, but the first one's kind of useless as-is, and the second... I don't think that we can beat a powered-up Hawkmoth with just occasional precognition." Ladybug looked over at Twistt and added, "And I don't think that you think we can beat Hawkmoth with just precog visions, either."
"Not a chance," Twistt called back. "Sorry. Them's the breaks."
"So you're deliberately crippling our effectiveness, our chances of being able to keep being heroes... and not really helping us in return," accused Chat.
"I beg your pardon! I am providing a service here," sniffed Twistt. "You came to me. You burrowed through my protective wall of cheese! You-"
"Why do you have a protective wall of cheese?" Ladybug interrupted him.
"They're very trendy. Soon, everyone will have one," Twistt deflected. "Anyway, you came here in search of power, and you're walking out with at least two new superpowers! And the fact that they're a little bit janky isn't my fault. I can't help it if you're lowballing me here."
"More like trying to figure you out... one painful lesson at a time," Chat frowned.
"Nothing's keeping you here, if you've got buyer's remorse. Do you want to keep going, or not?" asked Twistt, expectantly.
Ladybug gave him one more long, hard look.
He's got a weird gleam in his eyes, she told herself. Whether that's greed, or malicious glee, or he... just looks that goofy when he's in bargaining mode, I can't tell.
We do need more of what he has to offer. We came this far. And if this was truly some kind of demon or evil being, Master Fu and Tikki would've stressed that from the beginning, and told us never to deal with him.
"I'd like to. If the third deal is a bad one for us and we turn it down, we're no worse off than we are right now," she replied. "So let's see what you've got."
"That's the spirit," Twistt grinned.
The odd-looking Kwami floated back over the desk, gesturing at the five remaining gems that were as of yet unspoken for.
"Since you're being brave, I'll mix it up a little going forward," Twistt invited them. "Now each of you will make an offer on the item of the moment. If I like either offer, it's yours."
"One moment. Conference?"
Ladybug gestured for Chat to come in close for a quiet discussion...
"That's good, right? That we get two chances instead of one?" Chat whispered. "Except that he wouldn't do that without a reason."
"Right," Ladybug agreed. "He may want to get us competing with each other. Outbidding each other."
"Testing our loyalty."
Ladybug managed a smile. "I think you nailed it, Kitty," she told him. "If we're making separate offers, we're not coordinating on one offer, so we'll have to think hard about this. Why are we getting rejected so far?"
"He doesn't think that we're offering something important enough."
"So... use that as a guide," advised Ladybug. "But be careful. I know you; you're liable to offer too much if you think that you're protecting me."
"And vice versa," Chat countered. "Let's both be smart about this."
The heroes broke their small huddle and returned to face Twistt.
"We're ready. What does that orange one do?" asked Ladybug.
"Oh, excellent choice, ma'am!" beamed Twistt, with the fervor of a game show host or a carnival barker. "That one's power is Resistance. Both passive and active! Once you have it, you'll get some protection from all magical powers - and that means all of the Miraculous! You'll have a better chance to notice illusions, slip away from unwanted portals, break free from a Venom sting... and your baddie won't know why. And once a day, you can power it up and put a big, shimmery shield around you for even more protection."
"Oh! Ohhhh... that's good," Ladybug smiled.
"I'll say. It'll work against all of them? And not mess up our own Miraculous powers?" asked Chat.
"Correct. If you're charged up, it would take a hell of a lot to get through your shield, as long as your willpower holds out. Akumas will bounce off, energy beams will fizzle, punches won't hurt you, mind control won't work."
"That could be just what we need," Chat marveled. "Something to blunt all of the powers Hawkmoth might use against us."
"And I'll bet that something that good won't come cheaply, huh?" Ladybug noted, mostly in Twistt's direction.
"You guessed it," the Kwami smirked. "So, young man... what's your offer?"
Chat was quiet for a long moment.
"I can get, you know... metaphysical with this?" he asked. "Like, offering a concept, or a change in the world around me, not something physical."
"I dabble in all currencies, yes," Twistt agreed. "Real and ethereal. Though I'm still working through a box of human souls I acquired in 1939, so I don't need more of those."
"What are you thinking of?" Ladybug hissed, looking worried.
"Shhh!" Twistt hushed her. "Your turn's next. What do you have to offer, young man?"
"Something that I value very highly," Chat declared, trying not to look directly at Ladybug. "Friendship."
"Go on," Twistt smiled. "Explain yourself."
"I have spent much of my life feeling... isolated," Chat began. "Being unable to make or keep friends for very long. People in my life... family, privilege, obligations... they've kept me fenced off from the kind of life I'd like to have. It's only been fairly recently that I've had a chance to make some progress there. I've made good friends, I've experienced new things, I've grown as a person."
"Uh-huh..."
"I'll turn my back on all of that. My father can pull me back and erect those walls around me again. Where the only good relationships I'll have with others will be in my secret life like this, when I'm covered by a mask."
Ladybug tried to yowl in protest... but her voice was silenced by a gesture from Twistt. It was as if she was entombed in a wall of force, unable to make herself heard or seen in the moment, though she could hear their conversation clearly.
"Tempting. Veeeery tempting," Twistt mused. "That is something very dear to you, indeed. You're almost there... but sweeten it for me, just a little bit more."
"There is one... one girl in particular," said Chat, quietly. "Someone who has gotten to know me as my costumed self and my real self. We've had our ups and downs, but she is more important to me every single day. I don't know if she realizes how much she truly means to me... I'm not very good at showing her that. But she's someone that... that I can't go a single day without thinking about."
Chat kept his eyes on Twistt as he continued. "I'll... I'll break that bond. You can make her believe that she can't trust me, or that she doesn't feel the same way about me any more, or that I've moved on. Let her go on with her life without me. I'll still be Chat Noir, I'll still do what I can to protect her... but she just won't want me around any more."
"That's not friendship you're offering up. That's something deeper than that, kid," Twistt prodded him.
"Maybe it is," mumbled Chat. "If you can guarantee that my doing this won't hurt her, any more than it has to... that she'll just sour on me, not feel betrayed... that's it. I don't know that there's anything in my life more valuable than her... but the world is at stake."
"Okay! That's a fine offer, I have to admit," the Kwami declared. "Now... the lady's turn."
He gestured in the air, and the wall that had penned off Ladybug abruptly wrapped itself around Chat, instead. Chat looked on in horror as he saw many, many tears streaming down Ladybug's masked face...
"I c-can't let you do that, Chat. I won't let you do that to yourself."
"That'll take a very, very good offer to beat, and you know that," smiled Twistt. "Can you top that?"
"I'll try. I'm offering... love."
Twistt's grin widened, but he said nothing. Behind him, it was Chat's turn to pound on an invisible wall and scream things that couldn't be heard.
"There is a b-boy in my life. He's been a very good friend to me, even if he wonders about that sometimes," Ladybug stammered. "But, kind of like Chat just said... he means so much more to me than he could ever know. Mostly because I'm too scared to tell him that I'm crazy about him, I'm in love with him, I couldn't stop it if I tried. I have tried, when he was with someone else, and it came back to me just as strong as ever."
"And is he in love with you?" asked Twistt, calmly. "The everyday you?"
"No, he's not. I w-wish. I wish he was, so much, but even though we've gotten so much closer in the time that I've known him... I just don't believe that he sees me that way, no matter what I do or say, no matter how desperately I want that," she gasped. "So, I'm offering... that he never will. We'll never bridge that gap between us. He'll keep on thinking that I'm just a good friend, a weirdo in his life that's funny and clumsy and nice to know, but that's all I'll ever be to him. His friend."
"You don't want to be in love with him any more?" Twist wondered. "That's not much of a sacrifice, if he doesn't love you back."
"That's not what I meant," she corrected Twistt. "I don't think I'll ever be able to turn that off. But you can turn it off for him! The possibility, I mean. So that I'll go through life wanting something that I know that I can never, ever have."
Twistt stared at her... then at Chat...
...and then burst into laughter.
"I've decided," he exclaimed once he could speak again, "that the third one is off the table. No penalties, no sale."
The wall fencing off Chat disappeared. "Are you telling us that those were insufficient offers?" he demanded of Twistt. "What more could you want?"
"That's not what I'm saying," muttered Twistt, banging on the green Insidious with a tiny fist. "First off, I think I need to fix this one. That identity reveal spell must've gone off too soon!"
"What do you mean by that?" Ladybug cried out.
"And, secondly... they were fine offers. Really fine offers. But I said that I'd accept one offer or the other... not both. And I can't figure out a way to make that happen."
Twistt turned his back on the heroes, focusing magical energies upon the green gem and mumbling to himself, while Chat and Ladybug approached each other.
"He's saying that if I were to cut things off with Marinette... if I lock away how I feel about her, and I lose my connection with her..." Chat began.
"With Marinette? I... That... And if I let him alter Adrien's feelings..." gasped Ladybug, "making it so he could never fall for me..."
"That it would make both our offers true," Chat realized. "But that could only be true if... wait, did you just say Adrien?"
"It's impossible..."
"All this time..."
"You can't be... can you?"
"M-Marinette?"
"Adrien?"
Some soft words were spoken, followed by a pair of whooshing noises filling the room. When Twistt turned around, he found two teenagers embracing and bawling their eyes out, and a pair of Kwamis floating next to them.
"I am going to set you on fire, and there isn't a damned thing you can do to stop me," Tikki declared to Twistt.
"Not if I get there first," muttered Plagg, angrily.
"Hey, hey, now!" Twistt laughed, holding his tiny hands up defensively. "Is that any way to greet your long-lost cousin? We haven't seen each other since-"
He dodged with unexpected agility as Tikki lunged at him. Plagg hung back, but appeared to crackle with some sparks of energy.
"You are traumatizing our hosts for the fun of it," accused Tikki, circling around for another run.
"Tell me which part of this was not their idea," sniffed Twistt. "How have I wronged them? They came for power, they made offers, I revealed nothing about themselves that they did not speak aloud first."
"I don't care if you're right about that!" bellowed Tikki. "You're a bastard, and you always will be."
"If we can dispense with the melodramatics," Twistt yelled, "we can finish this. No one ever gets past round four, and that's because I offer something very simple there: what it is that you want."
Marinette and Adrien turned their heads towards him, together.
"And what do you think that that is?" Marinette asked.
"First, transform back. Not that this little family reunion hasn't been fun," gasped Twistt, "but it'll be much easier without your Kwamis trying to fry me."
They did as asked... not that Ladybug and Chat Noir looked much happier than Tikki and Plagg had.
"You're right. Let's finish this," Chat glared. "What's your game this time?"
"This."
Twistt gestured, and the seven gems flew into the air, then collided in a burst of bright light! When the sparks ended, only one large gem remained, diamond-esque with its facets reflecting many different colors.
"All or nothing. Here's what I'm offering," he chuckled. "The flight, precognition and resistance powers from before, minus the little bonuses I'd tacked onto them. And to that, I'm adding... Perception. The ability to think of another Miraculous and sense precisely where it is, and in whose possession."
"Hawkmoth's identity and location, served up on a silver platter," gasped Chat.
"Exactly. You can know who he is, where he is, get precog flashes of what he's doing and what he will be doing, sneak up on him, seize the Miraculous and punt him around the room like a football," Twistt declared. "Without putting your identities at risk, without being stuck in the air for all time, without... well, I couldn't think of a better drawback for the third one than you came up with for yourselves."
"But it's not for free, is it?" Ladybug perceived. "Nothing ever is."
"You're a fast learner. I like that," Twistt smiled. "And now that you two have figured each other out, you can go off and live happily ever after together, once you've disposed of the villain and recovered the Miraculous. Peace and stability and steamy makeout sessions. So, tell me... what is that worth to you?"
"What makes this gem different?" asked Chat, staring suspiciously at it as it floated before him. "Why didn't you just roll them together to start with?"
"Oh, this one needs a jumpstart," replied Twistt. "The smaller ones have beings inside them powering them. This one has those seven... and a central chamber that's empty."
That implication stopped the heroes in their tracks.
"You can walk away empty-handed," Twistt continued. "No harm done. And good luck to you in your fight against Hawkmoth, 'cause you're gonna need it with the way that you're outgunned. Or, if you can think of someone deserving, someone nasty and evil who could do more good crammed into that chamber..."
A face of a suitable candidate did flash through Marinette's mind, but she promised herself that she'd give herself a lecture for that later.
"Or you could make me an offer that even I can't refuse," gloated Twistt. "What's it going to be, heroes?"
Ladybug and Chat looked at each other, fear and angst in their expressions, then barked out at Twistt together:
"Let me be the power source."
Naturally, both of them erupted in protest... but Twistt's voice drowned them both out.
"Nope! Can't do that... there's only room for one soul in there. Two won't fit," he declared, with a toothy grin. "But you're both willing, so... which of you will let their partner be the sacrifice?"
"Never in a million years," Ladybug shouted at Chat. "It won't be you."
"I won't let you do this!" Chat snapped back.
"I'll give you the earrings. Alya can be Scarabella with you..."
"I can be replaced, easily! You can't!"
"CHILDREN," Twistt intoned. "You are boring me now, and that can be dangerous. Tick, tock! Make your choice. Give me a name to become my slave, or walk away forever!"
"Chat, I have to-"
"Ladybug, let me-"
"Or I can choose for you, if you can't decide. Five... four... three..." leered Twistt.
"PICK ME!" screamed Ladybug.
"PICK ME!" echoed Chat.
"The choice is made!"
A light engulfed both heroes. As it grew brighter and brighter, consciousness slipped away from them...
Ladybug opened her eyes... half expecting to see walls of gemstone surrounding her on all sides.
Instead, she was alone, sitting in Master Fu's old bedroom-
Alone?
"CHAT NOIR!" she screamed, terror seizing her...
...which was relieved by footsteps rapidly approaching and a just-as-confused Chat rushing to her side.
"Thank God," he gasped as he hugged her tightly. "I thought that I'd lost you."
"Same here!" she wheezed back, noting that perhaps the hug was a bit too tight. "You didn't let me..."
"Of course I didn't let you," Chat told her, her eyes meeting his. "This world should never be without you."
She gazed at him, her eyes shining with affection...
"...Chat?" she asked, after a moment. "Do you know who I am? I mean... underneath?"
"...No?" he replied, blankly. "You've never wanted me to know. Though I feel like, somehow... I ought to?"
"Same here. You're... so familiar all of a sudden, but I just can't..."
They stared at each other... then turned towards the wall panel that had provided access to Twistt's lair. It had been sealed up and the wall repainted, somehow, as if it had never been opened at all... and a small box with a red bow around it sat next to it.
"...Do I even want to know?" murmured Ladybug, surveying it.
Inside was a gemstone - a small, somewhat plain oval, colored in indigo, otherwise unremarkable - and a folded-up piece of paper.
The heroes read it together, their hearts pounding:
You and Tikki were both right about me. I AM a bastard, and nothing ever comes for free. But I am a fair trader, and I always pay my debts.
'Conversion,' for me, is not converting goods or currency or sacrifices into power; it is converting good intent and bad into good and bad ends. I do not hand out power indiscriminately; I judge which people might be worthy of it, and respond accordingly. It's not what you want; it's WHY, and for whom. You two have the right attitudes, and you have my blessing, for what it's worth.
The gems that you were shown... those are back in the drawer, safe and sound, and reset to their baselines. So no need to come looking for them, unless you want to play my game again... and no one ever does. The first time around, I'm nicer, and I'll smooth out rough edges in your memories - like a little secret that each of you was keeping from the other, huh? That went bye-bye when you did. But if you come and find me knowing what you're in for, the gloves come off.
No rescue mission needed for the beings inside the gems, either. That part wasn't real. Or at least as far as you know... heh, heh, heh!
I don't give handouts... but you survived my games and gave me more fun than I'd had in decades, so that's worthy of a little parting gift. The gem in the box doesn't give flight, precognition, resistance or perception; it does something different, and it'll only do it when it feels like it. I stuck a tiny bit of my own power into it. When you need it, and it senses that, it'll be there... so don't sell it for magic beans, or anything like that. Someday, you'll be glad that it's with you.
Oh, and when you two DO finally figure out how to tell your special someones 'I love you,'... kiss 'em until they fall down. That's not an order... just a good idea.
Yours truly,
Twistt
P.S.: If you ever do come back, bring a bunch of cheese. I have a wall to plug up.
"Huh. Well, I guess we came out ahead in the end," Chat mused, staring at the indigo stone in his hand. "We were judged, and found worthy. We got some kind of powerup, though we don't know quite what it is yet."
"Mmm-hmmm," Ladybug grunted.
"I am kind of debating, though," he continued. "Twistt does possess an awful lot of power, and some of those gems we were bartering for in the beginning... they really would help us deal with Hawkmoth. Do you think that we should go back at some point?""
"Nnnngggrrrf."
"He did warn us that it wouldn't be the same the second time around. But he does know that we have good motives, and we have more of an idea of what his game is-"
"Are you going to help me move this thing, or what?"
Turning around, he found Ladybug shoving a huge, ornate hutch across the floor, one that was too large and heavy for Master Fu to take with him when he'd moved out. Even for Ladybug's strength, shifting it required some effort. At present, it covered about half of where the hidden wall panel had been found, and her clear intent was to hide it completely.
"Ah... yes. I suppose that might be for the best," he conceded, walking over.
~fin~