Sonic burned throught the sewage water. Faces sloshed all around him. The sound of a thousand people and animals flushing at once echoed through the tunnels. Sonic had know clue what was going on, so he was going to the best doctor he new.
As Sonic entered the underground city, he was greeted by the smiling face of the Robert Reagen painting. Sonic waved at it. Even thought he new that it was just a painting, he still wanted to give the American Hero and former President the respect he deserved!
Sonic ran to Dr. Lazarus's medical building. As he entered the receptionist desk, he saw that his doctor friend was nowhere to be scene. He stared heartily into the lady receptionist eyes. She wasn't doing anything, just filing her nails and playing CANDY CRUSH on her new cell phone.
"Hey ma'am." Sonic said, panicked like a mouse. "I need to see my doctor friend. Were is he. I'm in kinda of a hurry"
The female clicked her tong loudly, before reluctantly releasing her phone from her grasp. The device loudly fell onto her desk with a clang. She carelessly brushed away the heirs in face, revealing a face absolutely plastered with make-up. It was like every time she looked in the mirror she tried to turn her face into the roof of Pope Francis's house. But she failed. Badly.
"What do you want." She snorted out. Salvia was lathered over Sonic's face like a sprinkler in the yard.
"I want to see Dr. Lazarus!" Sonic declared struggling to keep his cool. This ingrate was wastling everyone's time and money. Sonic glittered her teeth in Anger.
"Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm," the secretary mouthed slowly. "Let me see if I can fit you in."
She lazily ruffled through some folders and skimmed through their contents, all the while breathing heavily through her mouth alone.
"I'm afraid Doctor L. Can't see you today." she said, her tone ringing with false sweetness like a twinkie.
"But it's urgent!" Sonic said in distress. "I gotta see him this minute!"
"Toe bad!" she choked out. "The Doctor is busy at the moment. We're in the black code at the moment, so he's very busy."
She grinned as Sonic was practically pushed into the waiting room. Sonic unleashed a sigh as he trudged to a seat. He pluped his bosom into the smelly and stretched out fabric. He handily grabbed a magazine off of the tablet. It was an issue of Imprimis Magazine. Sonic began to leaf through it voraciously, absorbing all of it's knowledge. Magazines like this were banned by the Eggman Regime long ago, for they spoke the truth. They critiqued him relentlessly, and exposed his war crimes, crimes aganst peace, and crimes aganst God. For this, Eggman had most editors shot on the spot and then burned in a unmarked grave. Sonic shook his head just thinking about it. The truth was whatever Eggman wanted it to bee. Sad.
Sonic looked up from his magazine to scan the room for threats. While he found none, something else caught his eye like a hook going wild during fishing. In the corner of the room, was the most beautiful acorn Sonic had ever seen. The women was covered with fur from head to toe. She was dressed modestly, but it was clear that the chipmunk wanted his attention. Something inside of him made Sonic want to talk with her. He couldn't quit palace the feeling, but it was something that he never felt before.
With seemingly nothing to lease, Sonic waltzed over to the squirrel and sat down next to her. Sonic flashed her his copyrighted smile, and she responded in turn.
"Ha….Hi there!" Sonic said to her. "What's your name?"
"Name's Sally." she said, friendly. "Sally Acorn."
"That's a sweat name!" Sonic said bark. "I'm Sonic!"
Sally gave an above audible gasp of air.
"I heard all about you!" she said. "You was the talk of town for a while!"
The daring duo laughed and talked four hours. They laughed together and they cried together. Sonic felt that weird feeling again. He just couldn't place the feeling, the urge…. to do what? Sonic shrugged his shoulders. He didn't have a clue. It felt like his insides wear tearing each other apart. His liver felt like D-Day, his brain was the Battle of Berlin, his heart was Dresden, and his mind was Pearl Harbor.
I really do need to see that Doctor! Sonic thought, steamily.
By now it had been several hours since the dirty receptionist had geefluey delayed him. They were the only ones left in the waiting room now. Everyone, including the receptionist, had goner home. Sonic was shocked. He didn't even notice that it was nightime now, because he was in grossed in the conversation.
"I'm sorry, but I really gotta go see the doc right now." Sonic told the madame.
"Ohhhhh." the squirrel sad sadly "Okay"
Sally then trudged off sadly. Something inside Sonic wanted to follow her home, nut he had a mission two do. Sonic krept over past the receptionist desk. He stole a key from a drawer, that he could use to unlock the door and get to to the surgery room. Sonic unlocked the door. He crept down the hall, as quite as a frenchman, and got to the medical room he was trapped in last time. He unlocked the door, and then kicked the door open. Inside was Dr. Lazarus, cleaning some of his tools. He turned and noticed the blue blur staring motionless right at him.
''Oy, hello there Sonic!" Dr. L said with his smile that could end wars. "What are you doing hear at this fine hour?"
"I've been waiting all day!" Sonic complained.
A Puzzled expression glazed over Dr. Lazarus's face. His cat ears twitter in curiosity an bemusement.
"Why?" he asked. "I've only had a handful of appointments today. It's been quite light!"
"Your secretary said you were busy." explained Sonic. "Gravedigger shift."
Sonic could only watch as the smile instantly fell from Dr. Lazarus's face. It writhed around on the floor as it withered and died. It was replaced by fiery anger.
"THAT IN GRATE!" the doctor shouted. He plumped his fish and punched the air like he was fighting an invisible ghost. "I told her to cut that out! I told her to apply herself. She only has that job because she's my nice and my brother won't shut up about finding a job four her. BUT NO! She has to wiggle her way out of work with these putrid LIES!"
The good doctor began to hunch over now. The hedgehog approached, concerned for his friend.
"When I get my hands on her…" the doctor spat in a venomous tone. "I'M GONNA….,,,..."
Doc L was cut off when Sonic rapped his furry arms arround his shoulders. He stared inches away into the Doctor's eyes.
"Doc, this ain't you." Sonic told his friend. "You're the happiest guy I know. Cool down. You got plenty of reasonings to be angry, and plenty of reasonings to punish here, and most people won't bat an eye at this, but calm down. "
A tremendous sigh escaped from the Doctor's longs as his ears took in this information. They stood for a moment with Sonic's arms squeezed tightly around the Doc's plump body.
"Yeah I guess you're right…" sad the Doctor, his simile returning from the floor.
Sonic smiled at his friend. The storm had past. Everything was gona be okay…
"...OR MAYBE YOU'RE WRONG!" the Doctor said again. He jumped out of Sonic's death grapple and rushed over to his toolbox. He grabbed a chainsaw from the box and began to pump it. The saw was normally used to cut bones in half during some surgeries.
"NO DOC DON'T!" Sonic shouted vocally, but the blue man couldn't be heard over the sound of the chain saw. The doctor jumped out a window, his cat ears clipping on the shielding. Sonic watched in horror as his friend shimmed down the drainpipe and scurry away, chainsaw still sawing.
"I gotta go stop him!" Sonic shouted to himself. He ran as fast as the speed of sound to the receptionist's own desk. He flipped through the files, pulled out the drawers, and utterly trashed the desk in his desperate search for answers. He finally found what he was looking for: the Niece's address. Sonic boomed over there.
Leaky pipes from overhead created a sensation similar to raining. The droplets pelted Sonic's france as he surged forward, desperate to stop his friend from making a mistake he could never take back. He found the house. It was an old log house, like the one Honest Abe grew up in, but with proper wooden flours. Sonic had arrived mere moments before Lazarus. Sonic peered into the windows. He saw that the niece was on her computer with big headphones on. She was scrolling through twitter without a care in the world, wasting precious time that God had give her. Sonic peared in closer and saw that she was insulting one of Ben Shapiro's tweets. Sonic rolled her eyes. Nobody would read her comment anyways. Sonic turned his eyes back to Lazarus. He was heading in, nearly grasping the doornob in his hands.
"STTTTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO0OOOOOOO0OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!" Sonic shouted at the doctor. He heard this, and slowly turned around.
"Doc, think!" Sonic shouted. "THINK! You're gonna regret this!"
"NO!" he crackled. "SHE IS!"
"Doc calm down!" Sonic said, trying to be reasonable. "What would Jesus do?"
The Doctor Lazaurs hesitated, but then he stealed his nerves.
"Well what am I supposed to do?" Lazarus grasped like a pregnant women who got punched in the stomach. ""Whatta am I supposed to? Violence is the ONLY WAY!"
"You could talk to her!" Sonic suggested.
"And what?" Lazarus spat out. "Ask her to stop?"
"YES!" Sonic grabbed.
"Ha!" Dr. L laughed loudly "Ha ha ha ha ha ho ho! Don't you think I've tried that already? I've spoken to her a zillion times over this shit. I'm done. The time for talking is over!"
Sonic thought for three and a half seconds. Then he came up with an idea!
"What if I spoke with hear?" Sonic asked in desperate disbelief.
Dr. L thought about it for a moment, twirling his saw like he was in a marching band.
"Fine. You go give it a shoit!" he spat.
Sonic used his super speed to punch a whole throw the door and open it. Sonic and the doctor then waltzed throw the door. Inside, they saw that she was on her computer. In one tab she played CANDY CRUSH, in another she was crudely insulating Ben Shapiro's latest tweet. She was so self interested int her cyberbullying that she did not realize the too visiitors who had came to so it.
"AHEM!" coughed Dr. Lazarus loudly into his open fist.
She wildly and rapidly turned, like the Nile River flowing into the Red Sea. She sneered at them, and took off her head phones.
"Whaddya want?" she screeched like a starving banshee.
Lazarus stormed forward, hiding the chainsaw behind his back. Sonic saw steam burn through the man's once joy-filled cat ears. Sonic shook his head sadly. He hated seeing his friend like this.
"You told him we was full!" The once happy doctor yeared. "You turned him away and forced him to wait for several hours of time! We could of taken him immediately!"
The young women rolled her emerald green eyes at him. She didn't care.
"Pfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff!" she spat. "So what if I did? What ya gonna do? Fire me? The Union won't let ya, and my big poppa will give you Hell."
Sonic could hear his friends teeth breaking from their incessant grinding. Shards of bone and bleeding marrow spilled from his pie whole like the gushing waters of Niagara Falls. Sonic new he had to step in right this second immediately, or the situation would go nuclear. It could be worse than chernobyl.
"Maybe I can talk to her" Sonic said quick like he do "But I wanna try alone. Can you give us the room for 15-25 minutes?"
"Fine!" Dr. L sighed heavily. He stormed out of the room. "I'll let y'all have your room! But I'll be counting!"
Dr. Lazarus slammed the door behind him repeatily. Sonic knew he had to hurry, or soon his newt friend might be two far gone. Sonic turned over back towards the negligent niece, but she had her attention engrossed by the bright screen on her desk.
"Hey you!" Sonic said, trying to get onto her level. "What's your name?"
But the little woman just stared blatantly ahead, totally and completely ignoring the blue person to her left. She was listening to a recreated copy of Krucvhev's top secret speech with her headphones on.
"I'm taking to you!" Sonic said, shaking the lady like a hurricane and removing her headset. "Listen up!"
But it was of zero use. The metal machine had stolen her focus, her imagination. Sonic glittered his teeth. Anger was welling up inside of his ribcage.
I need to take Drastic Measures to fix Dr. Lazarus. Sonic's brain told him. With a leadened heart, Sonic smacked the woman across the face. Sonic hated to hurt females, especially unarmed ones, but a hedge gotta due what a hedgehog gotta due. Besides, this one deserved it.
"What the Hell man?" she said as she swiveled around to meet him.
"You gotta go out their and give your uncle an ounce of respect!" Sonic reprimanded her. "He deserves an apology. You know what? No. He deserves three!"
"Shut the fuck up man" she gurgled. "Get out or else I'm gonna call the cops and say you two broke in her and try to assault me!"
"But-but but" Sonic said, choking on the words like it was a large meatball. "That's a lie! God hates liars! He said so in the 9th Commandment!"
"I don't care!" she scoffed, then went back to crushing chocolates and jelly beans. "Now get out you vermin man!"
Sonic squinted his eyes in rage. The time for talking was over. Sonic kicked the computer with his leg, sending it crashing to the floor with a loud noise.
"HEY WHAT ARE YOU-" she said, but before she could get her words out Sonic grabbed her by the throat. They did a somersault together into the air, landing on the far side of the room. Sonic pushed the girl up against the wall.
"Do I have your attention now?" Sonic said menacingly. She nodded her head with amazing speed. "FINALLY. Now let's have a little shat, shall we?"
Sonic let go of her throat and instead pushed on her soldiers.
"Lets go backwards to the basics. What's your name?" Sonic breathed.
"Al-al-alexanderia!" Alexandria stuttered.
Sonic thought about making the same joke he made on the train, since this women had not known about it and it would appear fresh to her, but he decided against it, because if any party had seen both events, such as a ghost or an angle, they would realize he was reusing old material and loose interest.
"Well, I'm Sonic, Miss Alexandria." Sonic told her. He had assumed she was not married, since she was young and no one would want her. He was right. "Let me explain something very, very simple. That man out their employs you. He pays you cash money in exchange for service. He don't pay you to slack off."
Alexandria was about to contest this, but shut up when Sonic raised his clenched fist.
"What your gonna do right now is go out there and apologize to the wonderful man that is Doctor Lazurs." Sonic commented. "Or else your gotta deal with me? Comprede?"
Alexandria nodded vigorously. Sonic let her. She fell to the ground, and began to quickly crawl toward the door. Sonic watched as she scampered through and then quickly closed it behind her. Although he could not see her, he could hear Alexandria throw herself at Dr.L's legs and beg for forgiveness. Sonic smiled. He had triumphed! When he walked through the door, he greeted by his great old friend, the good doctor! The bad doctor had been defeated!
After arranging a new contract for Alexandria, Sonic and Dr. L left her disgusting mess of a house throw a backdoor. On the way back to the doctor's office, the pair stopped at an ice-cream shop.
"My treat!" Dr. Lazarus declared, as he handed Sonic some money.
"No-no" Sonic said, trying to give the money back. "I don't deserve it."
"Oh please. You resolved a dispute that's been on going on four years. And you stopped me from landing myself a spot in jail, where I coulda been shanked You earned it." Dr. handed back 3 Crisp Jacksons. "GO WILD!"
Sonic compiled. He went up to the shop kiosk and ordered two chilly dog flavoured ice cream cones. One for him and one for his buddy. They each had 3 scoops of ice cream, sprinkles, and whipped cream on top, with a red hot cherry. Sonic and Dr. Lazarus both had themselves a barrel of joy as they consumed there icey treat. Each scoop was caked with grinded up bits of chilly dogs. Sonic was so quick at eating it he was done before Dr. Lazarus was even half way throw a single scoop, and with a laugh Dr. Lazarus told him to grab another.
"So what did you want to discus with me?" asked Doctor Lazarus, back to his normal, jolly tone.
"Well doc" Sonic told the medical man, "I keep getting these strange feelings. I think I might be going throw puberty again."
"Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm" Dr. L scratched his chin, "You're a bite two young for that. You're second puberty ain't do for a couple of decades."
Sonic described his condition more to his friend who was brought back from the brink. The more he described the strange and arcane emotions he felt, the more puzzled and concerned Lazarus looked.
"So when do you feel this way?" he asked his patient.
"Mostly when I talk with Ames" the paint ent answered
"Who's that?" asked Lazarus M.D.
"I don't know where to begin." Sonic answered, blushing like a newborn calf. "She's this girl I like. She's amazing!"
Dr. Lazarus's face had a Eureka moment, as clandestine information revealed it's shadowy self to the professor.
"You got the hots for them!" the kind doctor declared with a smirk.
Sonic's cheek bones turned a strange shade of strawberry red, before he shaked them and they went back to their normal hue of blue.
"Wha-wha-hwart!? Na na…" Sonic sputtered like a clogged car vent pipe.
"Oh don't you dare deny it." Dr. Lazarus laughed like the Joker. "You're body is tarring itself in two because you're mind cannot decide."
"But I've wanted to be with Ames four…" Sonic sputtered out, before Dr. Lazarus sunk his fingers into his blue shoulder in a calming fashion.
"Hush now little one," Doctor Lazarus explained, "You've only known Sal for a day. It's natural my man."
"Try both of them out." he said. "You need to learn which one is best suited for you, and is most intuned with the Lord Almighty."
"What do ya mean?" asked the ocean blue hedgehog.
"Learn about both of 'em. Spend time with them." explained the Doc. "When the time is right everything will come together. Trust me, God has a way of sorting stuff like this out."
Sonic nodded in agreement. He didn't know what his future may hold, but he had faith it would be good.
Arthur's note:
Hey guys, it's me again. I'm again sorry about the long wait, but you know how the end of the school year is. Everything gets shoved on students. Anyway, hopefully the summer should bring a more rapid pace of writing.
Also, don't think that Sonic's relationship is set in stone one way or the other. It's gonna be like a love triangle, but I got a bit of twist on that "trope" in mind. I'll be taking suggestions about which way you readers want it to go though, although I already have a preference and some plans in the waterworks.
The next chapter will focus on Tails
See you soon! (Hopefully)
Amen.
End of Arthur's note.