True love is searching too. But how can it recognize you unless you step out into the light? - Daniel Johnston.
All characters belong to Naoko Takeuchi and Toei. This is a work from a fan for other fans, and has no intentions to profit from previously-established IPs.
Only the Lonely Know
Saturday night was the right time for all the young and restless souls in Tokyo to unleash their wild repressed side, which naturally included trying their luck at the game of love. That night, a rave organized at the Edwards Manse, just outside the city, would be the perfect chance for Rei to unwind. She was still a teenager, the perfect time to have the best times ever, no strings attached, hell or high water. And she would make sure she'd make the best use of this period of her life.
Just outside, Yuuichirou waited while leaning on his motorcycle, a birthday present from his wealthy parents. With his passive demeanor and visibly tentative approach to things, Rei never put much thought on being with him for anything beyond utilitarian means, like the ride he was about to give her. She couldn't tell exactly why, though, since he was physically fit and good-looking, even with the hanging shaggy carpet he called his hair.
"Are you ready, Miss Rei?"
"Almost. Just a minute."
She was not one for wearing accessories on her hair, but she wanted to give out a charming, regal appearance, so she tied it with an improvised ribbon taken out of an old yukata. Who knows, maybe the hottest guy in town would untie it during the stealing of second base. To make sure her figure would stand out, she wore a tight red knee-high dress with a floral pattern at the hem, combined with bright-red high heels that accentuated her backside. Modesty was not the call for that night.
"You look wonderful as always, Miss Rei," Yuuichirou risked saying.
"Yeah, yeah, I know," she cut him off in her usual curt manner. "Pick me up at midnight, remember."
The long-haired young man said no more as they put on their helmets and hopped onto the bike. He would also take part of the festivities, but always keeping to himself. In his heart of hearts, there was only space for the raven-haired girl. If only there was a way to get to her heart, to let her know how he truly felt...
But she knew that already. His love was unconditional, outspoken... and unrequited. Something about the way Yuuichirou expressed his own feelings felt so off-putting to her, even if she did appreciate his disposition and his unvaluable work around the temple's grounds alongside her grandfather.
She simply held herself onto the side clutches of the passenger's seat. Safe and secure as he always was, Yuuichirou took his time to ride, rarely going over 40 miles per hour. That wasn't thrilling for a girl who yearned for thrills. As they zoomed throughout the streets, she giggled softly as she imagined herself being embraced and kissed by the men she knew would attend the party, and wanted a chance at them. To his grief, Yuuichirou was not one such man.
(xx)
After a brief but winding road that went uphill, they reached the lively Edwards Manse, already teeming with lights and loud electronic music. Rei quickly left the passenger's seat while Yuuichirou sought the parking lot. An exclusive place like that required being frisked prior to the entrance. Par for the course.
Rei's closest friends were right there at the entrance, looking wonderful in their own way. Ami wore a modest floral blouse and a red sleeveless denim jacket, basic jeans pants and brown suede boots, and smelled sweetly of lavender. Makoto had a similar dress as Rei, except in navy blue with extra braidings on the shoulders, black sandals, and her rose-and-vanilla perfume truly stood out. Minako had a cashmere jacket over her shocking blue undershirt and did not mind showing her legs beneath an orange high-waisted mini-skirt, complemented by a pair of Chuck Taylors. Rei couldn't tell what perfume she had on, but it smelled great and enticing.
"Say, where's Usagi?" Rei asked.
"Grounded due to bad grades," Makoto revealed.
"Whew... What a sad way to spend your Saturday," Minako lamented while looking up.
"Then again, maybe it's a good thing she didn't come," Makoto added. "They're gonna serve alcoholic stuff over at the snack table, and you know how she gets when she mistakes punch for juice."
"She could use the opportunity to study," commented Ami.
"Yeah, right," Rei mocked. "Usagi, studying. On a Saturday night. Much respect, Ami, but sometimes you sound like you don't know her."
"She's right, you know," added Minako.
"Well, pity about her," lamented Makoto briefly, "but we can't stay here lamenting over her fate. If you need me, I'll be at the rose garden. Cheers!"
Each went their own way. She wanted to have the best time she could possibly have. To dance, to drink, to chat up with friends and strangers alike... And make a move on at least one of the guys she was eyeing for quite some time.
Jadeite. What a hunk of a man. A rare combination of natural blond hair and traditional Asian traces. But what she truly liked was his confident, no-nonsense approach. A spine to take on everything and everyone, who wasn't afraid of going after what he wanted. A man after her own heart.
Mamoru Chiba. The single biggest dreamboat of all, he passed her by, followed by his usual entourage of wingmen, the so-called Heavenly Kings, of which Jadeite was part of. Dressed to kill in his navy blazer and black chinos, there simply was no woman that wasn't attracted to him, Rei herself included. He didn't even need to approach anyone - The girls went to him, attracted by his charming good looks and attitude. And those blue eyes! Rei could stare and get lost inside them. And she liked to imagine she'd enjoy seeing her own amethyst-colored eyes as well.
Rei went towards Mamoru as he downed a Jello shot. "Hi, Mamo!" She greeted as chipper as she could.
"Well, if it isn't Rei Hino," he recognized her in a glad tone. "Looking good tonight, huh?"
"Aw, thanks!" she answered while covering her blushing cheeks. That compliment sounded so sweet when it came from a man she was actually attracted to.
"Say, I'm gonna greet a few friends over there. Enjoy and take care of yourself, okay? See ya." Saying this, Mamoru left to meet up with some male friends over at the snack table.
Already? Just like that? Rei felt rather gipped, though not enough to tatter her spirits. Technically speaking, she wasn't rejected.
Lo and behold, none other than Jadeite approached her! And if Jadeite was about to come on his own free will, it meant he was into her as much as she was into him.
"Look alive, sunshine," he opened. "How's it going?"
"Going steady as she goes," she answered with a smile that barely concealed her excitement.
"I know of something nice that two can do while going steady," the blond man teasingly stated, then reached out his hand to her. "Care for a dance?"
Yes! Everything was coming up roses. As she took Jadeite's offer and they stepped out on the dancefloor, her legs trembled, and her face flushed. Even her breasts perked up from inside her bra. That's exactly what she wanted to feel that night: the thrill of being desired by a man she desired. But... How far would that go? He may be attractive, but she was still inexperienced and didn't want to pass off the image of an "easy" girl.
"Maybe we could go somewhere in particular," Jadeite said as he looked confidently into her eyes.
"Nuh-uh," she teased, playing hard-to-get. "I'm not like the other girls."
"I'm sure you aren't," Jadeite said as he backed off, taking it all in good stride. "I'll get back to you in a minute. Don't move an inch!"
He darted off to the closest corridor, getting lost between the people. Enticed by the hope of quality time with the blond man, Rei waited and waited... Until it dawned on her: She may have exaggerated in her hard-to-get stance, and may have wasted her chance with Jadeite then and there. She hoped she didn't.
"Care for some company, fine lady?" Some plain guy broke her reverie and tried an approach that sounded crude to her.
"Just here to dance," she shot him down. He shrugged and left, obviously disappointed. It was not any schmuck that she would let into the privilege of being by her side that night. It was either those two she wanted, or bust.
Problem was, where the hell was Jadeite? In a minute, the guy said. Well, the minute passed and he was not back. Then another minute, and another... Rei simply couldn't accept he led her on after approaching and charming the panties off her just like that. She had to make an effort to make it all happen, and if that was a trick to make her chase him, so be it. For the sake of her heart, and a time well-spent, she started looking for him all over the place.
(xx)
"No alarms and no surprises, please," Yuuichirou sang to himself softly to spend his lonely time outside the Edwards Manse.
A bespectacled, plain-looking guy with a shaved head appeared to his side and greeted him effusively. "'Sup, Yuu! Why the long face?"
"Oh... Hi there, Nichogi. No biggie, just... Wanted some fresh air. Plus, I'm not one to enjoy big gatherings, you know?"
The friend snickered briefly. "But that's because of the idea of large gatherings of people, or just girl stuff?"
"Ehh, you got me," Yuuichirou said after a sigh. "It's Miss Rei. I like her, a lot. But she's just not into me, and as much as I try to move on, I just... Can't, you see. And now, she's most likely trading kisses with as many cute guys as she can see."
"Dude, I kinda know how you feel... I've been into Makoto for the longest time now, but damn, I can never muster the courage to ask her out. I have no idea if she has someone in mind now. Bet she does... And it sure ain't me."
Both looked upwards to that purple sky with so few stars. Yuuichirou and Nichogi were literally the only people outside, while the rest enjoyed themselves one way or the other inside the manor.
"Amazing, isn't it?" Nichogi broke the silence.
"What is it?"
"For some guys, like that Mamoru dude, all you have to do is to appear somewhere and ba-da-bing, ba-da-boom, all the girls flock to him. Some others, they have the cunning to pull out sweet moves, charm off the chicks and not mind about being shot down. And others... Well, they are like us, complaining about the big bad jerkasses that get all the girls, and fantasizing scenarios that won't ever happen because we don't have the gumption to approach a single girl."
The guy touched right into Yuuichirou's personal blister. He didn't want to feel like Rei, or any other girl, had any obligation to be with him. And yet, the feeling of envy for all the lucky womanizers burned into slight rage inside of him.
"But man, it's not like you're bad-looking yourself," Nichogi resumed. "Better than I look, at least."
Yuuichirou sighed. "Meh, looks aren't everything... My problem is that I feel out of place almost everywhere. Women don't like men that fumble their words all the time, like I do. I just wasn't made to be a mack."
"Eh, you don't need to be a mack... Just being able to tell how you feel to the girl you like."
"Therein lies another problem."
"There we go again," Nichogi spoke out in a mocking tone of annoyance. "Well... Can't say I haven't tried. Either you change what you want to change, or you convince yourself this is your lot in life. The latter is the path of least resistance and the one that will turn us into sour men in the long run. Someday we'll be old enough to understand this."
"That's... Quite smart on your part."
"Why, thanks! I think I ought to listen to myself more often. If you need me, I'll be trying and failing to score inside the mansion. See ya!"
As Nichogi left, Yuuichirou resumed his coping method of stargazing. For all he knew, Rei was having the time of her life with as many guys she'd manage. And why wouldn't she? Beautiful and go-getter as she was, no man would be left uncharmed. Meanwhile, there he was, waiting like a servant without so much a word of gratitude for the ride, or anything really. All the dating tips he's ever read started with some variation of "Talk to her" as the first step. But I talked to her... and nothing came out of it, he rationalized. She knows I like her, and she doesn't correspond. It's hopeless.
If he could, he'd go inside and drown that immediate sorrow with a nice, refreshing cup of punch. But then he'd be unable to ride on his motorcycle, and thus, not being able to bring Rei back home. She had no obligation to be with him in the romantic sense, but he did have the obligation to give her a ride. Maybe this is my lot in life?
With no option to intoxicate himself, all he could do was wait. And sing to himself to pass the time, as the dancing tunes pounded from inside the building and resounded on his head and chest. "True love will find you in the end... You'll find out just who was your friend..."
(xx)
Rei simply could not accept that, in almost two hours of festivities, she got kissed a grand total of zero times, all because she decided to be incredibly picky that night. Ten guys went to speak to her, and she refused even a single step of frantic dancing with any of them. Most weren't even ugly or unpleasant. It was all on her.
After a frenzied search that lasted about half an hour, Jadeite was nowhere to be found. He either amscrayed out of the premises, or found another girl of his own for the night. If she went to the bathroom, what would be the chances she'd see two pairs of legs and hear rhythmic slapping sounds from one of the stalls, and what would be the chances that one of those pairs of legs was Jadeite's? The black-haired girl decided not to think this further. But she still damned her attempt at mind games that wasted her chances with the blond guy.
She had to make a move, especially since her closest friends were all doing just fine in that department: Earlier on, she saw Makoto snatching the tall, handsome Nephrite all for herself. Minako, ever the party monster, had one decent-looking man on each arm that she talked into sharing an otherwise unthinkable triple kiss with her. Even Ami was getting lucky that night, exchanging quick pecks with Zoisite and later with a nerdy boy with thick eyebrows whom she's never seen before. A classmate of hers, perhaps. Odd taste for men, Rei thought, since she liked them tall and manly.
After pacing through the corridors one last time, she pretty much gave up on seeing Jadeite once more. Jerkass. She moved back to the main hall, where the DJ was playing mellow tunes to slow dance to. Rei saw Makoto dancing with Motoki, the fair clerk from Game Center Crown. Wasn't he already engaged? Why was he there at all, and ready to make out with Mako? She preferred to think he broke up with his fiancé and was looking for a fresh start. Motoki was having the time of his life with the brown-haired girl, and in a way, Rei felt glad for both of them. If only that was her with the guys she had in mind!
Finally, finally, she found Jadeite once more near the entrance... Slowly dancing with some girl in a powder-blue evening dress, with long slick locks of black hair all the way to her back and a flimsy-whimsy fringe on her forehead.
"Rei?" The blond man caught a glimpse of the raven-haired girl he had attempted to seduce earlier.
"What the hell!?" Rei exclaimed. "I thought we were about to get it on! Come on, don't bust my chops here..."
"Here's thinking you didn't want it back then," Jadeite justified himself. "Sorry, but if you don't mind, I'm with Thetys now."
Rei facepalmed when he saw the new couple exchanging quite the heated French kiss. Lovely. The scene Rei always imagined herself in, and somebody else got it. She did waste her chance with Jadeite after all. But she felt he didn't have to be so rude about it, even if he wasn't. Jerkass.
She turned her attention to Mamoru. He had to be there, and he had to be available. Her night can't just go wasted like that. In the main hall, the center of attentions of pretty much all girls, and even some guys as well... Was also on a slow dance with the oh-so-beautiful Setsuna Meioh. Of course, he would be taken already, and of course it would be with such a monument to female beauty. She was incredibly hot in her combining lilac blouse and skirt, Rei couldn't deny it.
Then they kissed, and it was pandemonium inside Rei's head. Then again, she was more his type - Mature and calm demeanor, tan skin with dark-greenish hair and a look of concentration that actually hid her true intentions. And hell, even a decidedly straight girl like her could recognize a great shape in a woman, and Setsuna had it in spades. She was a brat in looks and behavior when compared to her.
Seeing that alone was making Rei's heart bleed and burn, but just to rub salt in the wound, Haruka Tenoh and Michiru Kaioh, who for all she knew weren't into men at all, joined them into a quadruple kiss. Not a single one of the observers went unamused at the sight. "Atta-boy!" shouted someone from afar.
Rei had to pick up her jaw from the floor. For a girl at the top of her flaring hormones, this was like the world crashing down. Why couldn't that have been her!? Why couldn't she have the privilege of dancing and kissing with Mamoru? And how could Jadeite do that to her as well? Left high and dry by one man, and out of reach from another, Rei felt humiliated as if someone threw a bowl of punch on her under scrutinous laughter. As if she was cheated on, despite none being obviously obligated to be with each other. For all her swagger and willingness, she wasted her chances by being unreachable and over-analytical. The night was officially over for her, and she no longer felt comfortable being there.
Ami managed to catch up with Rei as she darted outside. "Rei? Where are you going?"
"Where else but home," she dullardly answered.
She passed by Minako, who exchanged yet another triple kiss, this time with Kunzite and Zoisite. She backed off from insulting her, even if it was only in her thoughts.
(xx)
It was far from midnight when Yuuichirou saw Rei forlornly walking up to him, just as a decent-looking girl approached and struck some lively chat with him.
Visibly upset, Rei spat out: "Just who the hell is that?"
The girl felt uneasy and ran off without so much as saying goodbye to Yuuichirou, which left him disappointed at first... Until he saw Rei's face, then he became simply concerned for her state, as he always was.
"Miss Rei? Did something happen?"
"Nothing," she cut him out. "Just... Take me home, please."
Silently, Yuuichirou handed her her helmet. Just when it seemed the night wouldn't be a waste to him, in comes Rei to crumble it all down and remind him of his "duty". And of course, he would accept it without so much a single groan of protest. They silently went to the parking spot where the young man had left his motorcycle. Helmets on heads and in proper position on their seats, Yuuichirou revved up his bike and left with Rei in tow.
Still holding onto the passenger seat's side clutches, Rei started to mentally berate the would-be sweethearts. It was clear Mamoru wanted nothing to do with her beyond simple courtesy. And Jadeite most likely thought of her as just another side piece for his conquests, otherwise, he wouldn't simply jump onto the first broad that fell for his charms. Jerkasses. The worst thing is that she still felt somehow attracted to them. But then again... None of them were obligated to be with her.
Instinctively, the raven-haired girl held onto Yuuichirou's back as they rode back to the Hikawa Shrine. Putting her head on his wide back, Rei felt the heat and the tingling she longed to feel with either Jadeite or Mamoru earlier in the party. That smell of lavender and cardamom perfume... It was so pleasant, so comforting. The touch of his body, firm in its grip and yet soft in its touch. All those sensations somewhat closed the wound inflicted by the perceived rejection of her own crushes. And for the first time she would ever want to admit, Rei finally saw and felt something for the faithful servant of the Hikawa Shrine. But would she be able to retribute the love she knew he had for her, in a sincere way that did not denote pity or obligatory gratitude?
Before she knew it, they had arrived at the garage across the street where Yuuichirou left his bike. In silent steps, they climbed the staircase to their home.
"I'm... sorry," Rei blurted out.
"Huh? For what?"
"You, and that girl..."
"Uh... Don't worry about that," he answered rather embarrassedly.
Classic Yuuichirou. Feeling he's done wrong and downplaying other people's faults, even when the other person felt was in the wrong the whole time. More silence, inside of which Rei reflected on spooking out the girl Yuuichirou was speaking with. She felt she shouldn't have done that, and yet... Something made her snap at them. Her night was "ruined" over rejection, and she ruined his night for good measure. In the end, I was the jerkass.
Finally, they were at the Shrine's grounds. The midnight sky was clear, the full moon shined ever so brightly. The breeze and the smell of fresh nature permeated the environment. Two teenagers at the cusp of their most energetic stage, feeling lonely and yearning for company, looked at each other in a scene that couldn't be more romantic, even if the author actively tried.
"Yeah, well... Good night, Miss Rei."
Convinced Rei had her share of fun for that night, the young man turned around and left for the guest room, while she just stood there with a blank stare. At that moment, she wanted to yell out "wait," see him turn around, then glomp him with all her might. Tell him she liked him. Maybe even kiss him.
But something stopped her. At first, she thought it was because he was not good enough for her, especially compared to Jadeite and Mamoru. But as she stepped inside, she rationalized that she didn't want him to be a substitute, a third option after that night's disappointments, a "just-in-case" option. He deserved more than that; it wouldn't be fair for the poor guy to be a crutch, even if he'd gladly accept her as somebody else's sloppy seconds. Perhaps it would be better for the things unsaid to be left as they are. Perhaps... she was the one who wasn't good enough for him. But whether those were her true feelings about Yuuichirou in general and that aspect in particular, not even Rei herself could answer. Instead, she went straight to the bathroom to wash off her make-up and cool off the mounting heat of rage on her face. "Stupid Yuuichirou," she muttered under her breath.
As for Yuuichirou, her silence was nothing he didn't expect. He retired to his quarters and tried his own way to cool down. So close to her in body, and yet so far from her in heart, which may as well define his whole relationship with Rei. At that point, he was accustomed to this kind of thing from her. But it still hurt him inside. Yet another day ending with his loins flared up and his heart broken to pieces.
"Another night where I end up sucking my thumb and wonder about the maybes and whys. Where did I go wrong, why do I even bother, so on and so forth. She doesn't like me, period. If only I was more assertive, then maybe, just maybe... I would have a chance with her. If only. I guess it's too late now."
Little did he know that Rei felt exactly the same that night...
A bath, a prayer and a change of clothes later, they would tuck themselves into their respective beds and try to forget that night. The next day, the usual dull routine would begin again. He would crawl and bend himself backwards for her, and she would give either a cold shoulder or just lead him on with a figurative "bone-for-a-poor-puppy," and no progress would be really done between the two. And they knew it all too well. Neither would rest their heads on dry and unsalted pillows that night.
I always thought these two could be great together, but severe attitude differences made them grow apart. Plus, who never felt this way when they were teens?
So, what do you think? Feel free to comment. Maybe flame me as well.
Greetings from the Hospitaller Knight.