CHAPTER 5
They are in the repurposed space that used to be a dance studio. The workout consisted of twenty repetitions of sprinting up and down the stairs, with one squat performed at the bottom of each round. 20 times. After that, they completed five rounds while running backward.
Stacie and Chloe are the only ones who have successfully completed all of the rounds. The other girls gave up the closer they got to the final round. Stacie has been running straight ahead without breaking a sweat. After the second round, Fat Amy was the one who decided to throw in the towel. She is currently crouched between the chairs, pretending to be dead while clutching her chest and gasping for air.
"Afterwards, let's go through the songs again," Aubrey instructs. "You may take a 5-minute break."
"Geez, I can barely breathe," Fat Amy groans, waving a hand off.
"Nuh-uhgirl, we need more than 5 minutes," Cynthia Rose pants, both hands folded on her stomach. She's also dropped to the floor, legs outstretched. At least she finished 12 rounds before she broke down.
"Aubrey didn't even do all rounds," Chloe hears Ashley whisper to Stacie. Both girls are sitting cross-legged on the floor. "She stopped at 15 rounds or something."
"That bitch," Stacie mouths dramatically, her back turned to Aubrey. Aubrey is scribbling on the whiteboard. "How many were we even supposed to do?"
"20 rounds," Ashley sighs, her arms gesturing wildly, "and 20 squats."
"Are we in the military, or what?" Denise asks, sounding frustrated before she chugs her bottle of water down.
Chloe's lungs hurt like hell, and she's sweating, which she hates the most. Their warmup is exhausting. And they still have to rehearse the songs as well as the choreography. She's sitting next to Lilly, who has passed out on her chair, her tongue is poking out, and her eyes are popped open. Chloe giggles at the sight.
Jessica is sitting across from them on the floor beside Ashley and Stacie; her upper body slumped forward, her head in her hands.
Fat Amy snacks on tiny sausages, which she has snuck in. Aubrey doesn't seem to notice.
Chloe grabs her phone and writes a message.
'Do you know when and where we could have our private slumber party? ;)'
Her phone gives a loud notification, so she quickly turns off the tone and switches to vibration.
'Rather than coming up with a plan, how about NEVER?'
As the reply comes relatively quickly, Chloe imagines that Beca might be maybe in her dorm, sitting on her bed with her laptop across her lap.
'You are such a mean bean. :P'
'And you are a pesky bean.'
Chloe giggles like a schoolgirl as she reads the message, which earns her curious looks from the Bellas.
Aubrey throws her a stern look. "Chloe, tell Tom you'll call him after our rehearsal."
"It's not Tom," Chloe states, and then she realizes her mistake.
"Then with whom are you sexting?" Fat Amy asks, moving from her lying position so she's sitting upright between the seats, staring at Chloe.
"What? I'm not sexting," Chloe blurts out, "it's a friend."
"But we're all here," Ashley says dumbly.
"I happen to have other friends outside the Bellas," Chloe explains lamely. And all the girls gasp in unison as if this prospect is unimaginable. Even Aubrey. "You are all my best friends, but this one is..."
"...someone special?" Stacie offers, winking at Chloe as she takes a chug of her water bottle.
Because, yeah, maybe Stacie might know with whom Chloe is texting. She's practically met the girl before.
Chloe gives Stacie a subtle shake of her head as if begging her with her eyes, nonverbally telling her to shut up.
Then Stacie adds, "Is it some cute guy you met?" Okay, either Stacie acts clueless for Chloe's sake, or she didn't figure it out yet.
"No, she's dating Tom," Aubrey says, forgetting their rehearsal program and stepping closer.
The girls nod in agreement as if suddenly remembering.
"Honestly, I haven't seen him with Chloe for, like, in weeks," Ashley voices her observation, then she turns to Jessica and Cynthia Rose, "right?"
"Yeah, girl, haven't seen your boy toy fo' weeks," Cynthia Rose says with a shrug. She's drying her face and neck with a small towel.
"Trouble in paradise?" Fat Amy coughs in her fist.
Perhaps it's time for Chloe to come clean, but the girls are too busy chit-chatting to give her a chance. They're all making assumptions about Chloe's romantic interests. Aubrey has made her way back to the whiteboard.
Chloe has already decided that she will give Aubrey the news first. She isn't in the mood to discuss something too private in front of others, even if the Bellas are like family. However, she will have to tell Aubrey to deal with her impending outburst first and then go on to the others afterward.
Her phone vibrates again. It's Beca. 'Have I offended you with my last message?'
'That I'm a pesky bean? No. XD'
Beca might be bored that she's engaging in a text chat with Chloe.
'You know, you're my favorite human bean.'
Chloe laughs but blushes somehow, even though it's just a silly pun. 'Aww, you said I'm your favorite. OX Yeah, maybe you and I are meant to bean? Xoxo'
'Dude, no such puns.'
'You started it. :P ' Chloe quickly types before she resumes their rehearsal, 'I'll text you later. We're rehearsing right now.'
As soon as the rehearsal ends, Chloe dashes off to the showers before anyone else can occupy them. Afterward, the Bellas decide to order take-out pizza and watch a movie.
As she returns to her room hours later, she falls onto her bed.
She texts Beca again. 'Hey, you wanna hang out tomorrow?'
A few minutes later, her phone vibrates. 'Oh, I can't. Seriously, I'm meeting with someone already.'
'If you mean meeting your bed all day, I can keep you company. Xoxo'
'Uh, no?' and Chloe can't tell whether that is a "no" to her assumption's first or second part. A little pause later, then, 'Jesse asked me to hang out, actually.'
"What?" Chloe yells at her phone. 'Like a date?'she writes.
'No, just hanging out somewhere. Because apparently, I attract nerds.'
'Totes. At least that's what you did to me.'
'Dude? What?!'
'Because you're the queen bean, and I'm your bumblebean.' Chloe saves herself by making another stupid pun to keep the conversation alive a little longer.
'You're so funny. Have you bean practicing all day?'
'Beca, I can't beat you in this silly game. But I need to sleep. The rehearsal was quite exhausting. Have fun tomorrow. Tell me about it when we see again. Sweet beans. Xoxo'
'Okay, weirdo, goodnight.'
*,*,*
Chloe has had a weak spot for romance since she was a teenager, which hasn't changed much in her adult life. She may relate to the age-old assumption that two people can instantly connect emotionally upon meeting for the first time.
Like, love at first sight.
Because when Chloe met Tom for the first time, she couldn't help but feel a spark of attraction for him right away. Thus, she might have experienced this sort of love-at-first-sight thing for him.
And she was lucky that he felt the same way for her because they quickly became more than just a fling. It will be an absolute blessing for any other woman he dates after Chloe because he is not just an attractive man but also a caring and compassionate one. Chloe had always loved him, and that feeling hadn't changed even now.
Chloe's past relationships with other guys haven't always ended amicably as they did with Tom, nor does Chloe still love them in any way. She didn't keep in touch with any of them. Maybe it's different with Tom because he'd been her first serious relationship. Although the guys Chloe dated before Tom were all kind and loving in their unique ways, none of them were comparable to her feelings for Tom. And she is grateful that despite their breakup, they have maintained a friendly relationship.
Chloe has been pondering her feelings for Tom over the last few days before their breakup. The kind of love between them and how it felt, like, how she acted when she was around him. Had she been a clingy girlfriend? Had she felt jealous whenever he talked to other girls? Did she find herself missing him when he wasn't around? How often did they make each other laugh, and how happy was she while she was with him?
And then, one day, just when her senior year started, everything changed.
She has no idea what it was, either. And which aspect of her life has changed.
Her failure to put words to this new THING she's feeling is directly attributable to her encounter with Beca Mitchell.
She knows that no matter how much she has loved Tom and how strongly, those feelings can't hold a candle to how she feels about Beca.
It might be an exaggeration, but from the moment she met Beca, she felt like running into her soulmate but not truly realizing this fact. From a different lifetime. She had given this some thought in the past, but today she holds a firmer belief.
After seeing Beca, she experienced a tingling sensation in her stomach and felt something move in her; yet, this sensation was not quite the same as the one she had with Tom. It's unlike any other attraction she's ever felt for anyone else; it's on a different level.
Chloe has had this sensation since she's seen that oneBeca-version from the riff-off challenge and then later dreamed about this same person. In that dream, Chloe's been close to that Beca-version from the other reality; she knows every bit of her like the back of her hand.
And speaking of hands, she knows every tattoo that Beca version has on her body, on her arms, shoulder, and wrists. Aside from the equalizer bar on the mid-part of her back. There's also a headset tattoo on her wrist, which Chloe remembers she'd brushed gently once… with her lips. In that dream.
It's just confusing.
However, several things make Chloe question her "feelings" for Beca, including the fact that she has never felt this strongly about anybody else, let alone another woman. Does this change things about her now? Does that mean that she's now attracted to women, too? Or just to Beca because she's on so many levels intriguing? Is this just a simple crush that will pass with time? Is it even sexual attraction? She's never questioned her own sexuality before because when she mainly dated guys in the past, she never doubted herself.
It's possible that people prevented themselves from thinking about certain aspects of their personality. They can go on and on without questioning stuff that looked obvious a long time ago.
*,*,*
Beca didn't text her the next day.
Chloe has gone through another few days, including the weekend, yet she still has not heard from Beca. In addition to that, that Friday, she did not come across her anywhere on campus. Even Beca's roommate, Kimmy Jin, whom she had seen a few times, but not Beca herself, had crossed her path on more than one occasion.
So, she thought of texting her the next day during breakfast while drinking tea and reading an article on her phone regarding "Reincarnation and the Afterlife."
'Hey, how did your "date" go?'
As Beca did not reply immediately, and Chloe had to refrain from seeming needy to send another text message, she just let the day pass. After the Bellas' rehearsal and grocery shopping with Stacie, she sends Beca another text message in the late afternoon, realizing that Beca hasn't replied yet. The text message remained unread.
'Hey, do I have to call the police as you somehow disappeared from the planet? DX'
Given that Beca has not responded to her messages yet, does this indicate that Beca might be upset with her? Is Chloe at fault for something? Did she cross the line by getting too affectionate on their last walk together? No, that's ridiculous. Thus, she tries to get some distractions.
She writes Flo to see how she's doing and to inquire about her life. They correspond to arrange a time and day for another video call and eventually come to an agreement. Next year, Flo will enroll in Barden as an exchange student and become a member of The Bellas. Since Flo told Chloe of this, she cannot contain her excitement anymore.
She shares with Flo the news that she and Tom had ended their relationship but that the decision was made mutually on both sides. They've maintained their friendship. It seems Flo does not believe Chloe through text; therefore, she is eager to video-call her as soon as possible.
'If I find out that he broke your heart,' Flo wrote, 'I will set his village on fire like the fiancée of a neighbor did to his village.'
'Flo, I was the one who wanted the breakup,' Chloe tells her best friend. Then she tells Flo about meeting a new friend with whom she feels this special bond. That she might even be crushing on this new person.
'If you're leaving out the gender,' Flo wrote, 'then I assume it's another girl?'
'Flo, you know me so well,' Chloe types in response, smiling. But then she worries briefly about what Florencia might be thinking about this new revelation. 'Are you surprised that I might be crushing on another girl?' Flo doesn't reply for the next five minutes. 'Flo, are you disappointed now? Or disgusted?'
'Sorry, my brother was asking if he could have the bullock carriage later,' she wrote, 'And you know that without the carriage, I would have to walk 20 miles to the next fountain to get water.'
'Flo, you mean your car?'
'Yeah. :)' Then another longer message, 'Are you for real, though? Why would you even think that I might be disgusted or disappointed? Whatever happens, I will always cherish and support you, you silly thing. As long as you remember me with love and care. Then I won't have to come hunting you down with a pitchfork.'
'Flo, of course not. I will always love you; you're my best friend.'
After that, she makes a phone call to her parents. Hearing her parents' voices on the phone makes her sad, so she tells them she'll come to see them over Christmas. She misses them. They inquire about her time at college, her a cappella group, The Bellas, and her relationship with Tom. She also lets them know that she and Tom have split up. Moreover, she's startled that her tone betrays no sign of regret. She reveals that she's met a new person she thinks may be "The One." But because everything is so new in her eyes, she is at a loss for what to do or how to proceed. Maybe it's not even a romantic feeling. And perhaps it's just a one-sided attraction. But her feelings are still powerful towards this person.
"And what's his name, honey?" her mother asks, "we want to meet him."
"Did you break up with Tom because of the new guy?" her father asks in the background.
"Mom, dad, um," Chloe's voice drops, "it's a girl I met."
"Oh," comes her mother's response. In the same breath, as if it was nothing, she asks, "and what's her name? We want to meet her."
"Oh, mom, I love you," Chloe says, tears prickling her eyes. "Her name is Beca. But seriously, we're just friends. I doubt it'll turn into something more."
"Chloe, you wouldn't have told us about her if she wasn't special to you."
*,*,*
It's Sunday evening, and some of The Trebles are hanging out on their porch. She sees Jesse drinking beer with another Treble Chloe recognizes; it's Unicycle.
As she approaches Jesse, she asks him without beating around the bush, "Hey Jesse, did you see Beca?"
"Hey, Chlo. What's up?" Jesse smirks at her. "No, haven't seen her lately."
"But you went out together last Thursday." When Chloe speaks, she keeps her tone neutral and conversational, as if she's simply a friend looking for a lost friend. "I didn't hear from her since then."
"Yeah, but after our date, I didn't see her. She didn't come to work yesterday, either." Chloe tries to ignore the small stab of pain she feels when Jesse uses the word "date" by reminding herself that Beca specifically stated they would not be going on a date. The other thing she tries to disregard is the rising panic that something might have happened to Beca. But then again, her parents might have shown up already, and with them, a bunch of police offers and the FBI. God, Chloe, don't be so dark. She distracts herself by asking how "their date" went, even though it may cross some lines between her and Beca. However, she can't help it; she asks him nonchalantly, "So, how'd that turn out? Your 'date?'Is there a second 'date' in store?" While casually crossing her arms, she smiles at him.
Jesse scratches his head. "Well, I'm working on it. But it looks pretty good."
Chloe has to force herself to swallow and nearly leap when she feels the vibrations from her phone in her jeans. It's Aubrey, as if she can tell whenever a Bella interacts with a Treble because she has a sixth sense about such interactions.
"Chloe, I need your help in a major way right now. Where exactly are you?" Aubrey's voice cracks with panic and tension as she screams into the phone.
"What for?"
"To finalize the activity program. I need your opinion on the whole thing," Aubrey sighs. "I'm in my room if you have time."
"I'm on my way," Chloe tells her, then presses the disconnect button rather angrily. Jesse has turned his head to give her privacy, then turns back when Chloe is about to leave. "Jesse, listen. If you see Beca, would you tell her to text or call me?" she says as she makes her way back to the Bellas' House.
"Sure."
Checking her notifications again, and still, no text message from Beca.
*,*,*
Around 8 p.m., their ordered two family pizzas and soft drinks arrived. Jessica spreads the boxes on the coffee table in the living room, and all the Bellas gather around, sitting on the eggshell-white L-shaped couch. Ashley grabs glasses from the kitchen, and Denise helps her pour their glasses with their drinks. Then, they sit on the couch beside Fat Amy, who sits at one end. Cynthia Rose reclines on the stool in front of the fireplace while Lilly sits on the floor next to Cynthia Rose.
They discuss their upcoming excursion to the boot camp while eating their pizzas. Chloe is seated on the other end of the sofa, while Stacie is sitting on a pillow on the floor in front of Chloe and leaning against her legs.
Aubrey is the only one eating her fried rice leftover from lunch. After eating, she tells the girls to be ready for tomorrow morning at ten o'clock sharp. The excursion will take two days, meaning they'll be back Tuesday afternoon. In addition, because it will take place during a brief holiday, there will be no lectures. Chloe stays quiet as Aubrey goes over the schedule for their workouts and dieting program for the following two days, which Chloe and Aubrey had meticulously planned together.
"JUST rice and brussels sprouts for dinner?" Fat Amy asks incredulously as she studies the 3-page plan, her Australian accent rolling the words angrily, "You twig bitches are being serious there?"
"We ought to engage in some activity beneficial to our bodies." Aubrey casts her gaze about the gathering, scrunching her nose in disgust as she casts an unfavorable glance toward the pizza. "There won't be any fast food, carbohydrates, or sugary drinks available. In addition, I have taken out all of the meat from the plan. Instead, we shall eat nutritious protein sources, such as yogurt without added sugar and lots of chickpeas."
"You agreed with this shit?" Fat Amy barks, pointing her slice of pizza threateningly at Chloe.
"Would there be any fun activities at all?" Jessica asks, giving Chloe a hopeful glance.
"What do you have in mind?" Chloe asks.
"Yeah, like a steak house," Fat Amy suggests. "Seriously, I'm already starving just looking at this." She takes a huge bite of her pizza as she holds up the workout and dieting program.
"It's for us to grow together as a group," Chloe says, smiling, "it'll be fun." However, she doesn't sound completely convincing. It would mean she won't see Beca for another two more days.
Then she remembers that she hasn't checked her iPhone yet since she talked to Jesse. She grabs it from the coffee table and unlocks it, leaving the girls to negotiate with Aubrey about the program.
Chloe's heart accelerates as she sees a notification with Beca's name on her display.
'Hey, weirdo, sorry, I left my phone at the dorm.'
Chloe quickly types, 'Where've you been? I was worried.'
"Who's that?" Stacie, who sits on the floor to Chloe's legs, stretches slightly to see what Chloe is so excited about.
"Ah, just a friend." Chloe tilts her phone, so Stacie can't see the sender's name. She leans back on the sofa's backrest and is immediately absorbed.
Beca replies, 'Really? Sorry, my dad picked me up without warning. Went to him over the weekend.'
'How did it go?'
'Could be worse. And sorry for replying just now. Jesse bombarded me with messages to text you once I got home. Seriously, did you miss me so much? XD'
'Yes.'
Standstill.
'You're a true weirdo-friend.'
Chloe feels her head go warm.
"Is that Tom?" Stacie asks in a whisper, her head half turning, "or is it Beca?"
A wave of surprise hits Chloe. "Um, well..." The answer does flip together in her mind and leaps as if unbidden to her tongue. What would be wrong with telling Stacie that it's Beca? Because Stacie had seen them together holding hands? But it didn't mean anything... Well, to Beca, at least. And it shouldn't mean anything to Chloe, either. Her heart drops. "Yes, it's Beca."
"You should invite her over sometime," Stacie suggests, then turns to listen to Aubrey again.
Chloe returns her attention to her phone and continues to type in the guise of a student misusing their device in the classroom while Stacie looks the other way.
'How sweet of you, Becs. You say that you now consider me a friend. I'm so happy.'
Biting her thumbnail, Chloe takes a moment to compose herself before sending another message to Beca. Because she is concerned that she will annoy Beca with her overbearing neediness, nevertheless, she sends the message. 'Btw. I can't wait to see you again. So, let me know when you're recharged and want to meet. Xoxo'
Clingy much? XD' Another small pause until Beca's next text message follows quickly. 'I'm free tomorrow afternoon if you wanna meet?'
'Oh, sorry. We're on an excursion tomorrow and won't be back until Tuesday afternoon. DX'
'Sounds like a lot of fun. ;) Well, I'm working late on Tuesday. Maybe next weekend?'
Chloe wants to see Beca. And for some reason, she feels an intense longing for her. How will she handle that they won't be able to see each other until later this week?
So instead, she engages in light-hearted taunting in the vain hope that Beca may, against all odds, take the bait.
'How about in an hour? I can come over for a quick cuddle time. ;)'
After only some amount of time has passed, it is clear that every ounce of her attention is being directed toward the compact screen of her phone. It appears as though everyone in her immediate vicinity had become very silent, to the point where she could practically hear the beat of her own heart. In reality, the Bellas did not fall silent. Time didn't stand still. A few more even breaths later, she reads the message that pops up on her screen, which causes her heartbeat to skyrocket.
'Sure, why not? Kimmy won't be back until Tuesday afternoon.'
A squeal escapes Chloe as she kicks the floor excitedly; she immediately clasps a hand over her mouth. Stacie turns her head, furrowing her brows in confusion. Aubrey throws her a reprimanding look. "Sorry, I'm just excited about this trip," she lies.
Then she types, 'Are you sure?!'
'Yes. But without the cuddles.'
'Aww. No fun. I try. ;) See you later.'
*,*,*
To avoid the impression that she's dressed up for a "date," Chloe opts for jogging pants and a t-shirt when she heads to the dormitories. That isn't to say she doesn't look gorgeous in her outfit. She looks great in these jogging pants because they are just the right length, fit well, and show off her toned rear. In addition, her shirt just stretches as far as her navel.
The moment Beca opens the door, Chloe throws herself excitedly at the slightly shorter girl and flings her arms around her neck, which causes Beca to stiffen immediately.
"I missed you so much," she sighs into Beca's shoulder.
"Dude, it's been only a few days." After a couple of heartbeats, Beca pats her back to signify that the hugging time is over, but Chloe holds her tighter. Then Chloe feels that Beca places her hands hesitantly on Chloe's hips to push her away slightly, but Chloe doesn't budge. "Um, okay... You're still hugging me," Beca groans, "why?"
"How did everything go?" Chloe asks as she presses herself closer, adjusting her hands on Beca's back.
"I can't talk when I can barely breathe," is Beca's muffled response, accompanied by a grunt.
Then Chloe, smiling sheepishly, lets go of her, but not before taking Beca's hands in her own. Beca's eyebrows furrow together as she stares at Chloe. Given how things have been, she seems to be unable to comprehend Chloe's excitement at the notion of seeing her.
"So, how did your date go?" Chloe then moves to what she assumes to be Beca's bed because it is closer to the curved desk containing a mixing board, a small keyboard, and a desktop showing a mixing program and a playlist. Additionally, Chloe notices that the headset Beca typically wears when attempting to shut people off is connected to the desktop via an aux cable. She only gives each room area a cursory look before moving on. It appears that she is being drawn to this particular side of the room as the other half is decorated in whitish and with too girlish décor and has flowers all over it, and it does not appear to be at all fitting for Beca.
"It was okay," Beca says without giving more information. She doesn't rectify this time that it wasn't a date, which bothers Chloe. Beca moves to sit in her office chair.
"So, you and Jesse..." Chloe prods as she sits on Beca's bed.
"Hm?" It's almost as if Beca doesn't catch the implication because she gives Chloe a confused look. With a nearly offended intonation, Beca quips, "No, we're just friends," in response to Chloe's cheeky smile and raised brow. She leans back in her chair at the curved desk and moves the mouse to save her work. She smugly adds to Chloe as she turns her head sideways, "You're extremely curious about Jesse and me, huh?" This is stated in a lighthearted manner, as though expressing the obvious. Beca pulls the aux cord from her desktop and activates the speakers so that music fills the room. "Are you trying to hook me up with him?"
"Huh? No," Chloe shoots back.
Beca lifts a corner of her lips. "Thought that you nerds might have a sort of a bond, kind of like a lame affinity code thing," she says with a frown, "you know, like the bro-code slash girl-code, like, brother-sister vibe, and like you're playing wingwoman for him or something."
"No, definitely not," Chloe responds, widening her eyes at the mistaken assumption. She can't help but laugh. "Aubrey would murder me if I stopped treating Jesse as a rival."
As if that's her only reason.
As she props her arms back on the bed, she watches as Beca puts the aux cord away in her drawer. She then scribbles something in her notebook. Chloe realizes that Beca is left-handed. "But, are you like dating anybody, which is why you don't want to date Jesse?"
A seemingly innocuous question that can have many different interpretations.
Beca turns her head slowly to her. "No," she says briskly. "I'm just not interested in dating anybody at the moment. And Jesse knows that."
This is something that Chloe finds to be quite bothersome for reasons she doesn't want to admit. Not because she feels pity for Jesse. And it's not as if she has any desire to go on a date with Beca, other than the two of them becoming friends, even close friends.
However, she cannot explain what this is that she desires from Beca that might eventually be more than friendship. A feeling that nags at her insides whenever Beca shows herself to be emotionally unavailable. Chloe is at a loss as to how to deal with her feelings of, possibly, jealousy anytime she considers the potential of Beca and Jesse spending time together or becoming more than simply friends.
Then, there's the possibility that Beca has decided she's not interested in dating at all.
"So, there truly isn't anyone you have a crush on right now, is there?" Chloe inquires nonchalantly while diverting her attention to the book jackets displayed on Beca's built-in shelves. She manages to persuade herself that this is merely her having a chit-chat with another girl, about boys.
To catch Chloe's gaze, Beca seems to be searching for the underlying meaning of what she's being asked. Then she appears to be sifting through her memories in search of a particular person she finds sexually appealing.
"No, not really," she finally concedes after a long, agonizing pause. She smiles mischievously as she provocatively catches Chloe's gaze. "Why you ask, though? Did you want to ask me out?" she laughs jovially.
Even though it's meant to be playful, innocently teasing, Chloe's body tenses up, and her heart begins to skip several beats. She laughs as if this notion is absurd to even consider. Like, two girls dating each other? How ludicrous is that?
"What? No," she chuckles nervously as she tucks a curl behind her ear, eyes downcast as she avoids Beca's scrutinizing gaze. She's not going to lose a teasing battle with Beca Mitchell. So, she moves to get up. "What playlist is that?" she asks to change the subject.
Beca turns her chair so that she's facing her monitor. And Chloe comes up behind her, her hands on the backrest, her fingers casually brushing against Beca's back. "It's my playlist with the mashups I created. It's sort of my thing."
"That sounds good." Then she moves her hands over Beca's shoulders and hugs her from behind. Beca tenses up, as is her customary response to physical contact or abrupt proximity, but she doesn't try to move away. Chloe says, "Would you give me a copy of it?"
Chloe is accustomed to Beca's involuntary reaction to what Chloe refers to as her "friendly advances."However, it does not look like Beca is experiencing any discomfort anymore. Not as much as in the beginning. Or maybe Chloe is just ignoring the other woman's physical protests. Beca adds, "If you want...?" while shrugging her shoulders as if she is trying to disengage herself from Chloe's embrace, which—again—Chloe tries to ignore.
"You can save it on my phone," Chloe suggests, reaching into her back pocket and placing it on Beca's desk.
While Chloe's studying the various titles of the songs on Beca's playlist, Beca remarks as she takes the phone in her hand, "That's a cute picture."
Chloe follows her gaze and realizes she still has a picture of her and Tom as the screensaver on it, with Tom having an arm around Chloe's waist and their faces turning towards each other as they kiss.
"Oh, yeah, that's Tom," she says, taking the phone and unlocking it. It's not because she doesn't think it's important to mention her current relationship status that she doesn't mention it, but she wants Beca to ask her. To show a shred of interest. A follow-up question would be asked if Beca were, indeed, interested in the subject matter.
However, she doesn't ask.
Having been told to do so, Beca stores the playlist on Chloe's phone.
With her arms draped around Beca's neck, Chloe watches as the playlist files are transferred to her phone. Once the transfer is complete, she gives Beca a peck on the cheek and brushes the spot with the back of her finger. She laughs when Beca, red-eared and blushing, leans away with a mortified look, telling Chloe to "fucking cut it off."
As Chloe walks back to the bed and scans Beca's built-in shelves, she's studying her personal belongings; among them, her displayed vinyl records and also the stacked ones, a record player, notebooks, textbooks, and some kinds of literature, CDs, and picture frames of (not people) but of plants and animals, and colorful post-it notes with song titles Chloe recognizes and loves. In addition, a pile of music sheets that Beca, while working on her remixes, is probably going over, and studying.
All in all, her room resembles the Bellas' in terms of style, interest, and décor. Being a music lover, Beca has decorated her room to reflect that. Also, she is a talented singer and artist. Chloe can't help but think that Beca would have been a fantastic fit for the Bellas.
And she wonders what it would be like to have it happen.
"Dude, you're making funny faces." Beca snaps Chloe out of her reverie. She realizes that the brunette has moved to sit on her twin bed.
"I was wondering why you never auditioned?" Chloe ponders aloud, "I mean, yeah, you made it quite clear that a cappella is lame–" she draws quotation marks in the air, "–but you could've at least tried."
"No, fuck off with that," Beca says, "that'll not happen in this lifetime."
"Why ever not? That you think it's lame is not a good enough reason."
"Because… that would force me to perform on stage," Beca says with growing horror displayed on her face. Maybe she's imagining that scenario, "and having other people's attention on me. I hate that."
"But you will get used to it," Chloe argues.
"No."
"You're no fun." Chloe has to drop the subject again, but she'd sure try again in the near future.
"I think we've established that." Beca rolls her eyes.
Chloe notices Beca's cute throw pillows and remembers something. "And also, I've been thinking about the slumber party we talked about," she continues and sits beside Beca on the bed, hugging a pillow. "Like, it's been ages, and we don't even have a date for it yet."
"You want a date?" Beca asks.
It's a simple question itself that doesn't convey the intended message, yet it makes Chloe's inside scream: "YES, YES, I DO." And suddenly, she doesn't understand her inner conflict.
"Yeah, so that I can plan." As she leans back on her hands, she explains further, "You know, I've got rehearsals every day and other stuff going on, and I need concrete dates in case I need to make a few arrangements."
"Geez, yes, I get it. You have a life, Miss Queen Bee–" Beca grunts and sighs loudly, "and besides, that's something we've only just touched on." She shrugs but gestures pointlessly, then adjusts her bracelets as she looks down. "Like, it was literally only last week. Also, I had no idea you were being serious when you said that."
"But you promised!" Chloe whines. But then she realizes she's prepared with yet another helpful weapon. This strategy frequently and successfully gets certain people to do what she wants. She doesn't often resort to this kind of weapon, but right now, she needs it desperately. Thus, she's ensuring her inner eyebrows are raised, eyes wide, then pouting her lips and turning the corners down to display her infamous expression of puppy dog eyes.
"Oh my God, stop looking at me like that," Beca exclaims, mouth partly agape. She turns away, thinking, maybe reconsidering the idea. Chloe can only hope. Then a sigh of surrender. "Fine. Okay. What about next month?"
"No, that's too long," Chloe replies incredulously. "You're just hoping I forget."
Her face is twitching back to sadness again until Beca suggests quickly, "Okay, then next weekend, maybe?"
Chloe squeals and claps her hands. "Okay, that's good. I'm so excited."
Beca falls back on her bed and groans in her hands.
After approximately an hour, Chloe has taken the initiative to start all of the conversations, mentioning their excursion and the activities they would participate in while they were there. And Beca seems exceptionally reticent when it comes to talking about herself. They discuss Beca's time at her father's house while lying more comfortably on her bed and talking about it. Where things stand with the "step-monster." What they did together to pass the time...
"But she was exceptionally nice to me," Beca comments, looking thoughtful.
When Beca lets a tidbit about her personal life slip, Chloe listens carefully to what she has to offer. Chloe is surprised by how much Beca relaxes under Chloe's gentle touches—like absently stroking her hand, brushing against her arm, pushing her playfully—and how much Beca opens up, even if it is a gradual process and when Beca is distracted from her efforts to maintain her closed-off exterior.
Beca's train of thought keeps getting sidetracked as she discusses her family, her first day at college, and the reasons why Jesse is always so annoying.
"I remember when he once nicked the strawberry from my cake that I had saved for last," Beca finishes with a long-suffering sigh. "I almost smacked him."
"You got upset because of a strawberry?" Chloe tries to keep her facial expression serious when she asks this. It seems like a big deal to Beca.
"You don't understand! I saved it for LAST, and he nicked it. I hate him sometimes," Beca groans in frustration. "And then all the hugs. Like, he will snap my spine someday. And, seriously, I can only concentrate my extroverted energy on ONE person at a time, per month." She grimaces as she sits upright again and pulls her legs up on her bed, to cross them. "And I usually save that up when my dad shows up to see me."
"Maybe you should set boundaries," Chloe ponders as she kicks her shoes off, mimicking Beca's posture by pulling her legs up on the bed though she's sitting more lady-like, with her legs to one side, "and you can start with me." She smiles to encourage Beca. She wants Beca to feel comfortable around her, and Chloe sometimes can't help if she feels like touching Beca. "For example, what is it that you don't want me to do?"
Beca thinks about this. "You're not the problem. And the last thing I want is for you to act differently around me. Just be yourself. I can tolerate your touchy-feely nature." Then she pulls her legs up closer to her body to hug it. "I will eventually get used to it."
Chloe gushes, "Aww, Beca," as though this is the kindest thing anyone has ever said to her, and then continues, "how considerate of you." Using the back of her hand, she slaps Beca's arm playfully. "Look, I'll see if I can cut it back. What do you think?"
"And what do you mean by that?" Beca asks skeptically, raising an eyebrow as she gives Chloe a sideways glance. "Like, no poking my sides, no bear-hugs anymore? No unexpected hug attacks?"
Chloe lowers her eyes and shifts her position. She doesn't like where this is going, but if it will make Beca more comfortable... "If that's what you want, I can try that." When she moves again, she resumes a pouncing position like a tigress. She extends her arms and pounces on Beca to hug her tight. Unable to comprehend what is happening to her as she falls backward onto the bed, Beca is pinned beneath Chloe's weight. "But starting tomorrow," she says softly into Beca's ear.
Beca suddenly and completely goes stiff, her arms pressed to either side of her. She reminds Chloe of those fainting goats when something surprises or frightens them; their muscles go stiff for a short time, and they fall over. Lilly once had shown her a YouTube video of it.
"Dude, oh my God," she shrieks, "Get off me!"
Chloe makes a slight adjustment so that Beca can release her arms, and Beca, to Chloe's surprise, doesn't try to shove her off of her. Instead, she rests a gentle hand on the small of Chloe's back as though she's trying to be careful not to break Chloe. Another possibility is that she is just waiting for Chloe's guard to be down before she can push her off the bed.
"Seriously—ugh," Beca says with her head tilted sideways, facing her roommate's bed. Otherwise, their cheeks would touch. She can see the pulse on Beca's neck pulsating, her blush creeping up her skin to her ears. "I did tell you no cuddles today. Or ever."
"Just five more minutes," Chloe pleads with a chuckle. In Chloe's arms, Beca feels both very cozy and incredibly delicate; Chloe is the one who needs to be careful not to break her. It's a different experience than snuggling someone with an extensive, flat, and ripped chest like Tom's. She also concludes that her body and Beca's are like two jigsaw pieces that fit together flawlessly.
Eventually, Beca surrenders once again and relaxes under her. Her hands have moved on Chloe's side, resting them there.
It's great to lie next to Beca like this, on her bed, in her room, smelling her shampoo and delicious scent and feeling the rhythm of her heart. To be so physically near to her. The ambient sounds are mashups that Beca created herself. Everything is Beca. The sensation is so pleasant that it's unsettling.
Because what does this ultimately mean, that she's feeling so safe in Beca's arms?
Beca lets out a groaning sigh of long-held frustration. "Is this supposed to be what people do with their friends?" Then, after a little pause, she finally bursts out in shock, "Oh my God, does Tom know that you're doing this sort of thing with other girls?"
Chloe doesn't understand the accusatory tone of this question. "No, and why should he?" She does hug and cuddles with some of the Bellas, though there are only a few she is more affectionate with, like Stacie. And before Aubrey turned into this uptight she-zilla captain—as the freshmen Bellas call her—she even used to be affectionate with her. "I think he'd just find it hot," she giggles into Beca's neck. Then she shifts a little, speaking directly into Beca's ear, "Beca, we aren't doing anything wrong."
The brunette shivers and then coughs into her fist to overplay it, that same hand shoving at Chloe's shoulder. "Would you stop that?" she groans in a coarse voice as she tries to free herself, but without success. She tries pushing at Chloe's hip, but she won't budge. Chloe giggles.
She moves even closer as if she's a boa constrictor tightening its grip on its prey. She drapes one leg over Beca's lower body, speaking into her ear. "Why? Friends cuddle with each other if they feel comfortable." She feels Beca's fingers tighten on her side. "I'm just hugging you, Beca. Relax."
Beca's squirming underneath her, her breath hitching slightly, her flushed face making her look... hot, and the way Beca presses her eyes shut. That pulse on her neck is throbbing furiously, and Chloe suppresses the urge to lick it. She swallows hard.
Chloe is overcome with a sudden desire to kiss this woman.
However, she tries to resist the idea that this thought even crossed her mind.
"Dude, stop speaking into my ear—UGH!" Beca says more firmly now, "that, um, tickles."
Chloe watches how even Beca's ears flush when she's embarrassed.
"I'm sorry," she chuckles. Then she moves her face to the nape of Beca's neck. She can feel Beca's pulse throb against her cheek. She only needs to move a little so that she can feel it with her lips. Maybe Beca won't even notice. But she quickly dismisses this idea.
No. Don't.
Beca is starting to hum a song to distract herself from her apparent discomfort.
"I'm not ticklish at my ear," Chloe ponders aloud, remembering her intimate moments with all of the guys she'd dated, "like, when Tom kisses my ear, I never feel anything. I never understood what the fuss was all about. I didn't know it could be that arousing to some."
"Yeah, ha-ha, good for you," Beca says with a nervous chuckle.
After that, Chloe is struck with a fun idea. "But, um, could you maybe try?" She pauses as she observes that Beca's expression has frozen, and then she continues, "I mean, not like, kiss me, but speak into my ear?"
"WHAT? No, that's... No! That's a weird request." The blush on Beca's face is more apparent now. "Why should I do that?" she croaks.
"Oh, come on," Chloe begs, hugging Beca tighter. "I want to know if it's just me or if it's something else."
"Can't you just ask your other girlfriends?" Beca averts her eyes by turning her head the other way, "to whisper into your ear? Seriously, dude, you're so weird."
Chloe pushes herself up on one elbow, turns Beca's face to look at her, and hovers over Beca so the brunette can see her face fall with sadness.
"Dude, no," Beca says weakly.
Chloe offers as a deal, "If you do that, I'll never ask for it again, ever," if she gets her way. "I promise not to make any further requests of that nature under any circumstances. And there will be no more cuddling or hugging unless you really want me to, of course."
Beca groans again. "Yeah, sure," she says sarcastically.
"Please?"
Beca then takes a moment to compose herself by taking a long, deep breath, fiddling with her hands, nervous and maybe torn, as though she were packing her bags for a journey into unexplored territory. As a result of Beca's slight movement, Chloe moves away from her, and Beca leans on her elbow to reposition Chloe so that she is lying on her back this time. They've changed positions.
"If you ever tell anyone, I swear..." Beca warns her softly.
"No, why should I?" Chloe, overcome with excitement, flashes a bright grin and raises a hand to seal the implied pact.
Then she tilts her head sideways to press her face against Beca's shoulder as Beca moves closer. And it feels somehow different when she realizes that Beca's breasts are now directly pressed against her. She'd hugged each of the Bellas before, especially Stacie, and Stacie has bigger breasts. It was never an issue. Now it's… just different. It's exciting, definitely.
Then suddenly, Beca's nose ever so slightly brushes against Chloe's outer ear, and she breathes against it, whispering, "You're such a silly weirdo, you know that?"
Chloe is startled.
Pleasantly startled. Surprised.
She gasps quietly.
The unexpected warmth that radiates from Beca's breath and the sudden sensation that travels from her ear to the rest of her body, is what takes Chloe off-guard.
There is a jolt of excitement that makes her feel like she'd been hit by lightning, and she lets out a muffled cry as her body arches against Beca. Blinking her eyes open, she tries to hide her surprise by covering her mouth with her hand and taking a deep breath, all while trying not to unsettle Beca. She exhales evenly. Her stomach begins to flutter, which it never did before when she was kissed on her ear—and Beca had only barely brushed her.
It's a sensation similar to being filled from the inside by a swarm of golden butterflies navigating dizzy mazes.
Oh my God, what—
But this can't be? She had never felt anything before. Where is this coming from?
Chloe quickly freezes when Beca, emboldened by Chloe's reaction to her, starts humming a song that she instantly recognizes. Chloe's insides erupt like a volcano as Beca sings the lyrics of "Titanium" into her ear, utterly unaware that she has selected to sing the only song in the world that gets Chloe all turned on. Like flipping on a switch.
But she doesn't stop her.
"You shout it out," Beca begins to sing gently as she moves a hand underneath Chloe, maybe to steady her position a bit, maybe to pull Chloe closer. The pleasurable sensation pulses through her, and her eyes fall shut to savor it, feeling guilty when she does.
"But I can't hear a word you say," the song continues, and Beca moves her mouth along Chloe's ear, her hot breath brushing the skin gently like a light feather. Beca presses her leg slightly against Chloe's as she moves somewhat, maybe to reach all parts of Chloe's ear. Her breath is burning on Chloe's skin, and to her own bewilderment, it does not tickle.
It's something else.
"I'm talking loud, not saying much." She hears a smile in Beca's voice as she sings.
Chloe's hands move unconsciously across Beca's back, from the shoulder to the hem of her shirt, lightly caressing the exposed skin. She gently chides herself, reminding herself that she must refrain from touching Beca or else she will bolt away. But she cannot control her hands.
"I'm criticized, but all your bullets ricochet."
She sings beautifully, Chloe thinks, savoring the sound of her hushed voice. And Chloe is trying, like really trying hard, not to let a moan escape.
She recalls the first time she heard Beca sing this song in the shower stalls and how full and lush her voice was. The immediate emotional impact it had on Chloe before she even realized it was Beca singing.
My, how fast her heart was pounding then.
How fast her heart is pounding right now.
Her breath is suddenly ragged, so she presses her eyes shut to focus on breathing rhythmically until she's suddenly seeing stars behind her eyes.
"Shoot me down, but I get up."
Beca nuzzles Chloe's neck with the tip of her nose, running it down the skin, occasionally touching; even this sensation is too much for Chloe to bear. She bends her legs to bracket Beca, maybe also to prevent her toes from curling and boring into the mattress. She's not seriously turned on right now, is she?
"I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose…." As Beca then breathes, she reaches Chloe's ear again. And then softly continues in the sexiest, most seductive way a singing voice can sound, "Fire away, fire away."
Chloe can't help but release an audible, guttural sound from the depth of her throat as she bites her lips and squirms into Beca.
Beca then makes a small movement to the side so that she is glancing down at Chloe again. And Chloe is staring into the midnight sky's color, eyes peering at her and tearing her soul apart. Beca's cheeks are flushed scarlet, eyelids heavy and drooping over dilated pupils. A triumphant and mischievous grin emerges across the brunette's face.
Chloe, all of a sudden, loses the ability to control herself any longer, as the desire now is far too compelling to resist. As a result, Chloe places her hand behind Beca's neck and lowers her head down to her own lips.
There is a hesitating pause, like time is standing still, as their lips connect.
Beca gasps, and her eyes widen.
When Chloe feels that Beca isn't resisting, she takes her hand away and moves it to Beca's shoulder. And instead of pulling away entirely at the surprising, sudden contact, Beca closes her eyes and slowly moves her lips against Chloe's.
The tip of her tongue is reflexively brushing ever so slightly against the seam of Beca's lips, and Beca parts them out of reflex.
When her tongue touches Beca's for the first time, she is startled to hear the groan that comes from both of them at the same time.
The kiss doesn't last long.
It didn't take Chloe's breath away.
Her heart isn't racing because of this.
It didn't stop her world.
It didn't change her life.
But a lot of thousand insignificantly different things have changed.
Chloe doesn't realize what precisely at that moment.
When they eventually manage to disentangle themselves, Chloe assumes that Beca's senses have returned since she moves away from her and sits straight as if in shock. A little smacking noise is made as a hand clamps over her mouth, and Beca is mumbling something incoherent behind her hand.
Right now, Chloe has no idea why her heart is beating so painfully fast. Her whole body is still trembling.
"I'm so sorry," Beca tells her, a mortified expression on her face, "Oh my God, I–I didn't mean... I didn't... I don't know why I did that."
Chloe sits up to look at the other woman. And then she realizes that Beca is freaking out.
"I–I didn't mean to..." she keeps saying. "God, Chloe, why…"
Chloe reaches out a hand to touch her, but Beca jerks her hand off, her usual reaction to physical contact. "Beca, you didn't do anything wrong." She insists on placing a hand on Beca's knee so that she looks at her. "No, I did. You didn't do anything wrong, okay?" she repeats.
"That's so embarrassing," Beca says behind her hand, chuckling nervously, ears flushed crimson. Her hand then moves to brush a strand of hair behind her ear, that same hand rubs her neck. Like she always does when she is nervous.
"No, it's fine." Chloe pulls her legs up and hugs them. "I practically pushed you to it. I'm sorry, okay? You didn't do anything wrong," she says for the third time, her conviction clear in her voice. "I–I should probably leave. I have to get up early tomorrow." As she stands, she brushes a hand on Beca's shoulder. "Will you text me tomorrow if everything's okay?"
"Yeah, sure." Beca doesn't look up. One hand is still on her neck as if glued there. Then, when Chloe walks past her, she feels Beca grabbing her wrist. "Dude, we're cool, right? It's not going to be, um, awkward between us now?"
Chloe feels her insides melt. "Oh, Beca..."
When Beca says this, Chloe feels she's been stabbed because Beca lacks faith in their friendship. As if Chloe would let something like that derail it.
When Chloe gives Beca's hand a gentle squeeze, she does it with the dread that, in her effort to reassure Beca by being overly affectionate with her once again, she would succeed only in pushing Beca away for good. Her conviction is that if she ever tries to touch Beca again, her self-control will be completely wiped out.
"No, of course, it won't be awkward," Chloe says as she stares down into Beca's dark blue eyes. "If it does feel awkward next time we meet again, then we'll talk. There's no way around that." She slips into her sneakers and ties them.
When Beca gets up from the bed, she laughs and says, "No need for that at all." She busies herself by shutting down her PC and the speakers. "I should get some sleep now, too. What a day, huh? That family meeting was a little nerve-wracking, to say the least." She doesn't look back at Chloe when she speaks. She stretches for dramatic effect and yawns. On the other hand, Chloe is unwilling to pressure her further. Thus, she doesn't say anything. For Beca, it's essential to take some time to "cool off."
And Chloe does need it, too. But it's more of a physical cool-off because she feels like she's overheating.
"All right," Chloe says, smiling, "sweet beans."
Beca gives her a twisted grin. "Get out."
When Chloe leaves the dorm, she doesn't hug Beca this time.
After descending the staircase and making it halfway across the lawn, she brushes her fingertips across her lips and senses the aftereffects of the kiss still lingering there. Kissing a woman who isn't your girlfriend is an exciting experience.
No, wait—wrong thought.
Kissing another woman is an exciting experience.
Beca's lips are softer, and the kiss is milder and sweeter. However, Chloe does not object to being kissed more passionately and handled with more roughness. Neither of these things bothers her, though. Who knows, maybe the next time!
Oh my God, Chloe, what are you even thinking? As if Beca would ever kiss her again.
Then she clasps her hand to her forehead as she remembers that she had left her phone on Beca's desk.
So, she runs back again. When she stands in front of Beca's room, she knocks twice.
Beca has changed into her pajama shirt and shorts, revealing her bare legs. Her hair is pulled up into a messy bun.
"Missed me already?" Beca asks, smirking uncertainly.
"Yes, but I also forgot my phone," Chloe retorts.
She watches as Beca looks around the room, then walks to her desk. Chloe finds herself, for the first time in her life, staring at another woman's legs and butt and finding them attractive. Of course, living in a household full of other women in their early twenties, Chloe's seen a lot of bare skin, and especially Stacie loves to show off her legs and cleavage, but Chloe never stared. It was never a big deal to her.
Maybe it isn't a big deal to her right now, too. But her gaze lands on something specific in front of her.
Beca's tattoo of pink lotuses is partially visible due to how her blouse is draped over her right shoulder, which is the second thing that draws Chloe's attention to the image before her. And once more, it's strange how the tattoo seems quite familiar. As if Chloe had already seen the entirety of the tattoo, which had been visible on Beca's nude body.
Perhaps in the realm of her imagination...
Beca walks back to her and hands over the iPhone with her left hand. And Chloe notices the headphone tattoo on the brunette's inner wrist for the first time, as Beca usually wears bracelets, which isn't typically noticeable.
And in Chloe's mind flashes a fleeting memory as though of someone else's. As though she had kissed that tattooed wrist before.
"Anything else?" Beca inquires, her voice a mix of confusion, amusement, and impatience as she surveys Chloe.
Then Chloe's eyes snap up to stare at the younger woman's face. Beca's expression becomes more subdued as she furrows a brow slightly at Chloe's lack of responsiveness.
"Dude, you're making funny faces again."
Her gaze stays momentarily on Beca's lips, which quiver slightly at one corner as if trying to decide whether they should smile.
"Sorry, I should go." Chloe, so unlike her, gives Beca's shoulder a playful punch. "See you, then!"
No, it won't be awkward.
A/N: Later chapters of this novel have sexually explicit content (no smut). The whole thing is typed out, but it's really rather sweet, lovely, and even romantic. No "smutty terms," either. Sorry or not sorry. XD I don't think I'll need to change the rating.