Haymitch knocks on the door and Chaff answers.
"Come on, let's go," he says.
Chaff follows without a word.
"Your girl is a terrible kisser," says Chaff, as they ride the elevator down to the ground floor.
Haymitch is startled, believing, for a wild second, he's talking about Effie. Then he realizes Chaff is referring to Katniss and he laughs.
"You'd think she had enough practice," he says. "Good of you to give her something to remember in the arena."
Chaff is laughing and Haymitch joins in.
They exit the elevator and head toward the front doors, only to be stopped by two Peacekeepers standing on either side, guns in hand.
"No one exits the building," says the one on the right. She's wearing a helmet, so he can't see her face. He's not sure if it's a Peacekeeper he knows or not, and it probably wouldn't matter.
"What? I'm a mentor," he says. "We're adults."
"You're property of the Capitol. Go back to your rooms or we'll detain you."
"Fuck it," he says, but when the Peacekeepers start waving their guns, he and Chaff go back to the elevators.
"I guess we'll try the roof," he says. He shows Chaff the bottle of wine he had taken from his room, and Chaff pulls out a small flask of brandy.
"We can still party," he says, and they're laughing again.
It's windy on the roof, but not too cold. It's hard to tell when you've drank a bottle of wine and washed it down with fine, Capitol liquor, but at least he doesn't feel cold.
He and Chaff are lying on the ground in the garden, listening to the mad crashing of the wind chimes.
"They clean up your room?" he asks, over the din.
"While we were showing our aging asses to the populace," Chaff returns. "I'm not coming out of this arena."
Haymitch doesn't want to argue. Chaff is always a barrel of laughs, telling raunchy jokes, imitating Capitol citizens and even himself with cruel accuracy, but there's always a point in the evening, when the bottles are dry, and the night's gone stale, where it all turns bitter inside him. All he wants then is a fight. Haymitch understands. Hell, he's fought the bastard often enough to know a thing or two about it.. But he's just too tired tonight. He hasn't had a moment's peace from this atrocious present since the reaping.
Unsure whether it's wise to say anything, Haymitch takes a chance.
"I'm not sure the Capitol wants anyone coming out of this arena."
Chaff doesn't say anything. The silence spirals on until Haymitch looks at him to see if he's passed out.
He is awake. He's lying very still, watching the dark, starless sky, tears falling thick and fast down the sides of his face, across his ears, down his neck, and dripping quietly into the garden grass beneath them. Haymitch looks away, up at the sky too, certain Chaff wouldn't want him to see that. He starts talking.
"After I won my Games, I was moved into the Victor's Village. They said my mother and little brother couldn't come with me. I didn't like it, but I didn't really like them either, and it was nice, being on my own. When everyone went to bed, my girl would sneak out of her house and come to mine. We spent the whole night naked, talking, laughing, eating, drinking. Every night, once I got back. How she managed to function the next day, I don't know." He could still remember how she looked in the firelight.
"She have a nice ass?" Chaff asks.
"Flat as a pancake. Her gift was her enormous tits."
Chaff laughs.
"I loved her. Even if her chest was as flat as her ass, I would have loved her."
"I can hear that in your voice, 12. Tell me the rest."
So he did.
He was a victor, he had escaped the mines, his mother's dejected acceptance of her fate, and his brother's constant hitting and whining. He bought them as much food as he could, not wanting things to spoil before they could be eaten, but still more than they could eat. He woke up to eat dinner at their place, then wait at his own for Terra, every night.
About a week after his return, he was waiting in the living room in front of the fireplace, the flickering flames providing the only light.
He was already hard, just thinking of Terra coming over. He was planning what he would do. She would take him in her mouth and he would be done fast. Then he would go down on her till she came and then he would enter her, tell her he loved her, and ask her to marry him.
He was just about ready to fuck the sofa he was sitting on if she didn't show up soon. He went to the window and looked out at the moon. The Victor's Village houses were all furnished, and there was a large grandfather clock in the corner, but Haymitch kept forgetting to wind it. The moon was getting high in the sky. Terra was very late.
Perhaps realizing its own uselessness, his erection started to fade. She must have been caught by her parents. He would get dressed, go down there, and explain his intentions, even ask her father for permission.
Excited, his heart pounding, his blood thrilling in his veins, he left the Victor's square and walked through the moonlit night to the Seam.
He smelled the smoke before he saw it, and started to run. He saw the columns of thick black smoke, obscuring the stars. He knew before he saw that the fire wasn't just on his street. It was his house, the house right next to Terra's.
He reached his street and had to push through the crowd of onlookers. He heard them call his name, had to fight a few off as they tried to detain him, and was finally at the front of the crush of people, watching an entire street burn to the ground.
Some people were trying to control the blaze. Every house in this part of town was covered in coal dust. They could all go up.
He ran forward, up the burning steps, not feeling the heat yet through his good, leather shoes. Then arms were grabbing him, restraining him. He was back in the arena, fighting three at once, but Maysilee couldn't save him now. He struggled and was finally subdued. He heard one long, piercing scream from one of the houses and sank to his knees. He buried his face in his hands.
He heard Grav's voice and looked up. His friend. He lived on the other side of Terra.
"Is she out?" he asked.
Grav shook his head.
"Seventeen people died," he says. "My mom, my brother, my girl, her whole family. Everyone on that street, except Grav. He survived because he had been out in the woods, hunting. It was a good night for it, the moon was so bright.
"I didn't really understand it. I knew the Capitol had killed them, because of the forcefield. I knew it was to punish me. But it wasn't until Rendwick that I really understood."
Chaff sighs.
"You know, Rendwick and I had a thing, once."
Haymitch says, "She was a good woman." Something clicks into place. "That's when you started drinking. More. After Rendwick…" he doesn't go on. Chaff knows perfectly well what Rendwick did. Then, suddenly, he has to know something.
"It wasn't yours, was it?"
Chaff shakes his head.
"I'm sterile," he says.
Haymitch wonders how and when Chaff found that out, but doesn't ask.
"I should get back to the apartment. Let me walk you back."
He rises off the ground, but Chaff stays where he is.
"Think I'll sleep under the stars tonight," he says.
Haymitch nods. He's terrified he'll never get this chance again, so he says something he's never said to Chaff before. "Thanks for always being around. You're probably my best friend. And I'll be watching, you know. You won't be alone."
Chaff lifts his head and smiles at him. It makes him look 10 years younger.
"Thanks."
Haymitch goes back to 12's quarters. He wonders if mentors will be allowed to leave to look for sponsors. The one thing he could do to help his tributes and the rebellion, and it looks like even that will be taken from him.
He drags a chair to the window and stares, unseeing, at the city below.
A few minutes later, a chair is pushed next to his at the window, and Peeta flings himself into it with a big sigh.
"Haymitch," he says, gently, like he doesn't want to spook him.
"Hm?"
"This is a stupid question. I want you to know I know how stupid it is before I ask it, but I want an honest answer." Haymitch looks at him. Peeta looks him in the eye, and he wishes immediately that he wouldn't. He can't seem to look away. "Are you all right?"
He closes his eyes, considers the question. He's pretty terrifically drunk. Peeta asked for an honest answer. He gets a mental image of himself in his house in the Victor's Village, riffling around in his desk, looking for a drawer with honesty in it, and not being able to find it.
"No," he finally says. "I'm not."
Peeta is quiet. Haymitch keeps his eyes closed for a while, and is surprised Peeta is still there when he opens them. He's looking at his hands, turning them over and over, like he's washing them. Finally, he stops, and looks at Haymitch again.
"I've only been in one Games. I have no idea what it's like coming here year after year and watching kids die, but I've seen what it's done to you. And the others. And now the only people who know what you've been through are going back in. It must be painful. I don't think I'm assuming too much thinking it'll be painful for you to watch me and Katniss go back in, too."
He opens his mouth to assure Peeta how fucking painful it feels, like he failed them right when they needed him most, that he'd rather shoot himself than watch them die in the arena, but Peeta keeps talking, briefly holding up a hand to let him know he's not done.
"You don't have my permission to fall apart. I can't pretend to know what you're going through, but I have a lot I'm going through, too. I need your help, Haymitch. I don't want to die in there, or see Katniss die, and wonder if you were sober and trying to help, or not."
The words are like poison threading through his blood, entering his brain and muscles. He wants to hit Peeta, or hold him, or shout until his voice goes out.
"Yeah," he chokes out. "I'll do everything that's in my power to do."
He takes a deep breath. "You and the little miss need to make friends. I can't stress that enough. Bratniss isn't gonna do it, so it's down to you to make the pair of you likable. Start with Chaff. Tell him that joke about the one-legged baker."
Peeta laughs.
"Okay. I'm gonna try to sleep. You should too."
"Hm."
Peeta stands up and pushes his chair back to its original position.
"You don't remember, do you?"
Haymitch turns around, so he can see Peeta, standing in the hallway to the bedrooms.
"Remember what?"
Peeta smiles ruefully.
"It doesn't matter. I'll see you in the morning."