A/N: This work does include depictions of PTSD and canon-typical violence, so read carefully if these are triggering for you!
**The 75th Annual Hunger Games**
The platform brings him up into the arena. It's hot, bright, and humid. The Gamemakers must have decided to kill him quickly via exacerbated hangover.
It takes a few eternal seconds for his eyes to adjust and see they're all on platforms surrounded by water, with the Cornucopia in the middle on an island. He briefly considers entering the bloodbath, at least going out fighting. But he has his orders from Beetee. And Haymitch.
The gong sounds. He jumps into the water behind the platform and doggy paddles his way to the beach and is sick in the sand. Then he runs into the jungle, finds a place he thinks will conceal him that's near the beach. He climbs the tree, which isn't like any tree he's ever seen outside the jungle-themed arenas. It feels weird in his hand. He also hasn't had to climb a tree since losing his hand, but quickly compensates. He used to climb trees in the orchards in 11, even after that time he fell and broke his arm, and it was in a sling for three months. At least now he can hook his handless arm around branches and pull himself up with both arms.
He's breathless by the time he feels hidden securely amidst the trees wide, flat, vibrantly green leaves and dark, smooth bark.
He can see, but not well. The fighters and dead bodies in the water and on the Cornucopia's island are visible only as silhouettes, due to the bright, blinding water. There's a pair on the beach, fighting. Brutus and Woof. Woof keeps shouting, "Brutus, it's me! It's Woof! Brutus, why are you -" in between blows. He stops talking and launches himself at Brutus with a deranged yowl, and Brutus slips his long, serrated blade into Woof's side.
Chaff closes his eyes. When he opens them, Brutus has become one of the fighting silhouettes in the water. Woof is lying on the beach, bleeding out and muttering to himself.
The thing that's got its claws in his heart is trying to scrabble into his mind and take over. With a supreme effort of will, he forces it down. He and Seeder had agreed to meet up after the bloodbath and try to find Katniss and Peeta after that. He still couldn't see her, and prayed that if she was one of the shapes in the water, she wasn't a floater.
Eventually, Brutus, Gloss, Cashmere, and Enobaria make their way out of the water and into the jungle. They're not heading anywhere near him, so he waits. Still no Seeder. The cannon fires. He leans his forehead against a branch in front of him and closes his eyes. The cannon fires seven more times. Eight dead. Seeder would be in the jungle by now if she had made it. He hadn't seen her.
A tiny shoot of hope betrays him by growing despite assuring himself he was one of the first out of the water, and he would have seen her run into the treeline if she had made it that far.
He sees the hovercraft appear and pick up the bodies. As they leave the bright water, he can see something of the individual before they disappear into the hovercraft.
The first two he missed when he closed his eyes, but he thinks he sees Dyco's bright red hair, hanging out of the claw until she made her final journey into the hatch. After that, he pays more attention, and picks out which of his friends are now dead.
He realizes they must have picked up Woof first, when he looks for his body and just sees a blood stain. He identifies Anode by his nose, as he's lifted by the craft, that great, big thing. They all used to convince him it would make an excellent sundial. Kayrree, by his white-blonde hair, almost missed because there's so much blood. Cecelia, who had a tattoo of her kids' initials on the back of her hand, surrounded by the sign for infinity, made by a needle chasing the end of a thread. Bevelry, by her tightly curled black hair, so much like his and Seeder's. And then there's Seeder, the last to be picked up. She disappears into the hovercraft. The hovercraft, in turn, disappears from the arena.
The thing around his heart successfully invades his brain, and it's all he can do not to scream and rage. He wants to find the Careers, remind them of all the times Seeder had helped them in the Viewing Room, dealing with death, or offering advice, and then bash their fucking heads in.
After a few minutes, he pulls himself together, realizes this is his time, what he was waiting for even when he was certain Seeder wasn't coming.
He scrambles out of the tree, his foot hooking awkwardly on a branch. He leans harder on his other foot and the branch snaps. He falls hard to the jungle floor, knocking the breath out of him for a second. He recovers, fighting panic, fighting the urge to puke, to just lay down on the beach and let the Careers, people he had drank with, survived the hell of mentoring with, find him and kill him.
He reminds himself of the rebellion, his promise to keep Katniss and Peeta alive. This could very well be the last Games.
He pushes himself off the ground and walks cautiously to the treeline. He looks around. The beach and the water are deserted.
He runs to the water and doggy paddles to the Cornucopia. There's no point keeping an eye out. He won't be able to hear them coming in the water, and he's a poor swimmer, splashing as much as swimming, obscuring his vision. No, the thing is to get a weapon as soon as possible and go from there.
He makes it to the island, army crawls until he's out of the water, and stays on hand and knees trying to recover. He turns around on the spot, aware of how ridiculous he must look, like an overexcited dog preparing to lie down, but he can't seem to catch his breath and he's afraid of passing out if he stands up too fast. He must have sweated buckets since entering the arena, and he hasn't even been running or fighting. He's just not in the shape a victor would be in. He hopes Haymitch is getting a kick out of his misery.
Chaff doesn't see anyone in the water, or on the beach, or coming out of the jungle, screaming for his blood.
With a great effort, he pushes himself to standing, and stumbles to the mouth of the Cornucopia.
He finds a spear right away, picks it up off the ground. Now that he's got a weapon, he sits on the island, lets his feet dip in the water. He's so thirsty, and so hot. He's going to dehydrate and die very soon. He pukes again, watches the yellow bile float on top of the water, until the current pulls it apart.
Then he jumps back into the water, swims to shore. He needs to get back into the jungle, recover, and hide. He enters a part of the jungle far away from where he saw the Careers, and starts walking, listening for other tributes and for the trickle of fresh water.
He keeps getting a feeling like he's back in his first Games. Ridiculous, the arenas couldn't be more different, and neither could he. He had had two hands to heft his spear, for one. For another, that 15-year-old titan hadn't had a beer belly and a constant headache.
Still, he thinks he sees some of the tributes from the 45 th in the trees, the mutts that looked like a cross between mountain lions and eagles. They had had foot long talons, and an eagle's sharp beak, but they could run and jump around the mountain arena in total silence, faster than you could blink. He keeps stabbing his spear at some of these apparitions, only to find he's speared thin air, or a dense piece of foliage.
He spears a tree during one of these terrifying visions and sees water gush out. He falls to his knees, puts his mouth right to the hole and drinks and drinks, slurping from the tree.
His stomach still feels full of acid and sharp knives, but his headache improves slightly, and the hallucinations don't seem so real. He lays down. This is fine. He can rest a few minutes and go find Katniss and Peeta after.
The anthem wakes him. He startles, shaking his spear, then sees the seal of Panem replaced by Anode's face. So, Beetee and Wiress are okay, that's a relief. Maybe they will get out of here. Just maybe. He watches the rest. He's broken bread with every one of them, drank wine with them, joked with them by the chariots, and during interviews. And now they're dead in every victor's worst nightmare.
Seeder appears, and he's not ashamed to cry again.