Finnick paces back and forth, hands behind his back, shoulders straight and head high. How can anyone look so beautiful in one of these gray jumpsuits? Everyone in Thirteen looks like some underground mammal, like a vole, or a rabbit, animals that survive by running away and hiding. Finnick looks like he's modeling the latest style in the Capitol – soldier-chic. (Effie had actually said something like that to him once – the rage was artfully ripped and stained clothing that looked "district-chic". They hadn't spoken to each other for a few days after that.)
Despite his upright bearing, Haymitch can see that Finnick is nervous. Behind his back, his fingers twitch rhythmically, and he chews on the inside of his cheek.
"She's going to say yes," says Haymitch. He's propped his back against the wall, and has his feet up on the cot bed. He stretches his feet, then crosses one leg over the other. "What are you nervous about?"
Finnick stops pacing and sits in the chair at his desk.
"She might say no. She probably should."
He's so good at hiding his feelings. Haymitch realizes maybe Finnick is too good at hiding his feelings.
"Why should she say no? Finnick, she loves you. She wants to be with you. After everything you two have been through you…what? Want Snow to win?"
The look Finnick shoots him is full of bitter poison. Haymitch just raises his eyebrows, waiting for an answer. Finnick hangs his head.
"I want to take care of her."
"Seems like a natural wish from a husband."
"Yes, but sometimes I can't even take care of myself. Sometimes I feel so soiled and guilty, I want to tear my hair out, or cut my skin, so at least people can see what I'm like inside." He stops abruptly, and looks at the door, then at Haymitch. "Did that sound emotionally disturbed?" Haymitch waves this away. He needs to talk it out, head doctors and psych wards be damned.
"So, what you're saying is, sometimes you need someone who can take care of you?" Finnick nods, looking disconsolate. "Someone who will love you, even when you don't love you?" Finnick nods again, looking more dejected with each word. "Well, I don't know what marriages are like in District Four, but that sure as hell sounds like a wife to me."
Finnick bursts out laughing, and looks at Haymitch. He's so surprisingly gorgeous, like lifting a plain brown seashell and finding the other side is covered in mother of pearl.
"Yeah. Yeah, you're right. I just wish I felt worthy of her love."
Getting older (and drying out, he's sure) have blunted the edges of his anger. When he was a teenager, and even as an adult, before turning 30, he had been consumed by it. Sometimes, he would tremble with rage at what had been done to him, to the people he loved, to anyone the Capitol viewed as subhuman, not worthy of life's basic necessities. The anger never went away, but he found better places to put it, like the rebellion, and drinking. But every once in a while, anger at the Capitol, and Snow particularly, overtakes him again. Hearing Finnick talk about himself like this is one of those times.
"You are worthy."
Finnick shakes his head. Haymitch is afraid of upsetting him.
"Yes, you are. And if you don't feel like it now, you have the rest of your life to become the man who is worthy of loving her."
Finnick goes still. Haymitch thinks he might have gotten through to him. His next words are so quiet, Haymitch almost doesn't hear him.
"What should I say? How should I propose?"
Haymitch grins. "Can't help you there, District Four."
Finnick stands up again, and resumes pacing.
Haymitch is sitting with Plutarch, Boggs, Fulvia, and Ripper in the mess hall. Finnick and Annie walk in, holding hands and glowing like a rising sun. They get their food and sit at Haymitch's table. He realizes he's smiling as he eats.
Plutarch says, "Anything to share?"
Finnick looks at Annie questioningly. She grins, and nods.
"Annie and I are getting married."
Plutarch and Fulvia start clapping and Haymitch and Ripper join in seconds later. Boggs and most of the other suits look at the noise makers with confusion, before returning to their food and their own conversations.
"Finnick, I'm sure you don't want to wait long, but I'd love to celebrate your marriage in style. Show the Capitol what real love looks like."
Finnick and Annie exchange another meaningful look.
"That sounds great," he says.
The preparations begin immediately. Annie and Finnick start looking for someone to officiate. They're the only two people from District Four, but they manage to find someone suitable. The next thing is clothes for the bride and groom. Haymitch is touched when Katniss volunteers the clothes that Cinna and Portia had made for their Victory Tour.
Coin and Plutarch fight over every inch of ground. When Plutarch wins on a wedding cake, a tradition they don't even have in District Four, Haymitch has an idea.
Peeta isn't allowed to be alone with the cake decorating tools, so Haymitch kills two birds with one stone – he stops going to wedding planning central, and gets to spend time with Peeta, making sure he doesn't kill himself with frosting.
It's absorbing work, and mostly they're quiet. Sometimes Haymitch takes a nap. Every once in a while, they talk.
"I think I'm remembering stuff better," says Peeta, rolling out a thin layer of something he calls fondant.
"Good," says Haymitch. He feels loose and sleepy. He thinks he must have been dozing off and swings his legs off the bed. He walks closer to Peeta's station, watches what he's doing without asking questions. It looks delicate, like any distraction could end in disaster.
"I want to see Katniss."
"No."
Peeta starts mixing different food dyes. He doesn't say anything. Neither does Haymitch.
He goes back to the bed, and sits on the side.
"I'm sorry Effie isn't here."
Haymitch starts as though he's just heard a loud noise.
"Me too."
He can hear the smile in Peeta's voice when he says, "Imagine her and Plutarch setting up the marriage of two victors."
Haymitch laughs. "The two of them should go into business together. Show Thirteen how to loosen up a little."
Peeta chuckles quietly and begins to paint the fondant. A seascape. It's beautiful, of course. This boy, he really sees the world, and instead of withdrawing from all its pain and misery, he chooses to see the beauty in everything. His heart breaks a little more, every time he thinks of Effie, sometimes till he thinks he'll just keel over and die from the pain of separation and not knowing what's being done to her. But he's so glad Peeta is here. So glad Katniss saved him in the first arena, glad that he survived the torture in the Capitol, glad he's painting.
"You should have told me about the rebellion. I would never have left Katniss that night."
All the gladness swirls out of him, replaced by a cold, slick feeling of guilt and shame.
"I was afraid if you knew people were dying for you, you would die for them."
Peeta's hands still. Haymitch slowly rises to his feet. The kid starts muttering to himself. Peeta's back is turned to him, but Haymitch can just make out the words.
"My name is Peeta Mellark. I'm from District 12. My parents were bakers. I'm a painter." He lets out a deep sigh. "I'm a painter," he says again, and goes back to painting the dappled fur of an animal Haymitch thinks might be called a seal, like from the story Annie had told.
"Next time, I'd rather be killed than taken captive. Do you hear me?"
Haymitch nods. "Yes."
"But you'll just do what you like anyway, won't you?"
He doesn't answer.
Peeta keeps painting.
Haymitch stands between Boggs and Coin for the ceremony. His eyes keep clouding up, but he manages not to blubber. It's a near thing.
After the wedding, and the dancing, Haymitch approaches the couple, beaming at each other between mouthfuls of cake, which they're taking turns feeding each other. It's kind of sickening. He noticed Johanna had wandered off, and doesn't blame her.
"Congratulations," he says, when he's close enough for them to hear him over the fiddling, clapping, shouting crowd. It's the loudest it's been in Thirteen since the bombing.
Annie smiles brightly at him. "Thank you, Haymitch," she says. Finnick gets up and wraps Haymitch in a tight embrace.
"I couldn't have lived through all this without you. Thank you." He gives Haymitch a hearty kiss on the cheek, and sits beside Annie again.
Haymitch can feel the redness in his cheeks as he sits across from them.
"I have to be somewhere, but I didn't want to leave without congratulating the two of you."
They all three smile at each other, and then Haymitch can't take it anymore. He has to leave.
"Congratulations."
He leaves the mess hall, and goes to the hospital to wait for Katniss.
She had agreed to see Peeta again.