A/N: Okay, lovelies, we had our fun. But we know what we're getting ourselves into with the push into the Capitol. We have one more tone shift to sadness, and I'm afraid it's rather long. There are bright spots, which I'm sure you can guess without me spoiling, but be prepared for some of Haymitch's worst days so far.
Boggs makes a point of introducing him to the people who will be on Katniss's crew. He's relieved and afraid in equal measure to see Finnick, and isn't entirely sure he hides it well, because Finnick gives him a slight eye roll as he walks away. He really is getting older, it seems.
He even finds a way for Haymitch to see Peeta going through training. Boggs, and Plutarch before him, had stressed to Haymitch that it was purely for the propos, and no one had any plans of putting Peeta in combat.
Haymitch knows Plutarch is hoping Peeta will be cleared. He watches Coin more closely than ever, waiting for her to suggest it. He'll have something to say about that. However glad he is that Peeta is back, and however much he's at war with himself over it, he can't stop seeing Katniss shivering in her cold collar, whenever he sees Peeta out of his hospital room.
He okayed Peeta going to the mess hall, but now he thinks they were asking him as a courtesy, and will probably do what they want with Peeta. Haymitch isn't afraid to disagree aloud here in 13, but he is aware of how powerless he really is. If he had only himself to worry about, this would bother him a lot less.
With most of the other victors busy, Haymitch spends a lot of time with Annie and Plutarch, and tries to say something encouraging to Willow and Prim whenever he sees them.
He has asked, of course, to go to the front lines. He even offered to stay behind the line of fighting with Annie, who doesn't want to stay behind in 13 either. No matter how much he stresses that he doesn't care if he dies, Coin, or usually Boggs, and once, even Plutarch, tell him he hasn't completed basic training and he's simply too old to be eligible.
He can't help comparing his current predicament with Effie's in the Capitol, and Seeder and Chaff in the arena. Who gets to decide when and how you die? And how does anyone get that kind of power?
Now that he's sober, he thinks about these things with a lot more clarity and despair.
It seems that no one truly believes in the freedom of the individual. And after living in and out of the Capitol for so long, he's not sure anyone is great at regulating themselves. The human condition is to want more.
More food, bigger, prettier houses, more clothes, more money, more entertainment, more power.
The people in the districts are willing to die for it. The people in the Capitol, willing to kill for it. And in 100 years, or less, will they do it all again?
Haymitch is so far unimpressed by the propos being sent back from the Capitol. Where he is bored, Plutarch is enraged. He almost had an apoplexy in a hastily called meeting to discuss putting Peeta in with the Star Squad. (The stupidest name for anything war-related that Haymitch has ever heard. He can hear Katniss grinding her teeth about it all the way in Thirteen.) Haymitch had watched Coin closely, but still saw no sign she would give in. It couldn't last forever. Plutarch is right – people in the Capitol would be bored and laughing at the propos, not scared and surrendering.
Later that night, he says goodbye to Primrose and Willow in the hangar. It's the most medics he's seen at once, and all that light gray in one space makes the room look almost cheery.
"We'll be in the Capitol by 0600. Maybe we can even get you word of Katniss."
"Well, that'd be all right. Tell me you're there safe, for sure. And if you get a message to her, tell her I'm watching the propos very carefully."
Primrose is smiling and so is Willow, but her smile breaks quickly. She shocks him by pulling him in for a hug, which Prim joins without comment.
Then they're on a hovercraft and gone. All except him, Annie, Johanna, and Peeta. And Beetee, he supposes, though Beetee gets to occasionally be of use.
Peeta is smarting about it, too.
"I don't think I should be sent to the front lines either, but if they want to use me, why not let me make a speech? I bet that would distract the Capitol and Snow."
Haymitch is lying on Peeta's hospital bed, while Peeta paces from one end of the room to the other. He looks half mad. He thinks it might be okay to hold off on that speech unless it's critical. He suspects Coin wants to look like Thirteen is rescuing the Capitol, and not like the victors are. He thinks about mentioning this to Peeta, but he knows they're being watched. Peeta must too, but he's too angry and confused to think straight.
The training seems to be helping. Peeta is eating more, sleeping better. He almost looks like the boy from the bakery, until you look in his eyes.
Johanna has been released again, from the hospital. She's in his compartment, and she's the worst roommate he's had since his brother. One morning, she even wakes him up by burping in his face, and laughs like a monkey when he wakes up swinging.
He spends a lot of time knitting with Annie. He can make mittens now. They wouldn't be comfortable on a human hand, but no one in Thirteen is desperate for mittens anyway.
It happens when he's not in the room.
He runs to the hangar. A gray jumpsuit is accompanying Peeta to a waiting hovercraft.
"Peeta! Hey, wait!" he says, out of breath and holding up a hand to the suit.
Peeta turns around to look at him. He looks almost normal except for his bottom lip, which is quivering. Haymitch wants nothing more than to swoop him into his arms and never let go. The whole world can go fuck itself, he just wants Peeta to live.
He releases Peeta, and says, "Stay alive."
Peeta's lips twitch into a watery smile.
"I'm gonna try."
He watches them walk toward the hovercraft. He can't watch it leave. He turns around and walks to the elevator, hearing it take off behind him.
Peeta is on the hovercraft to the Capitol. He knows he should be thinking of Snow, being afraid of being captured. Instead, he thinks about one night with Haymitch, a few weeks after the Quarter Quell announcement. They were both pretending Haymitch wasn't drunk.
"You're gonna need allies," Haymitch had said, pushing a dark lock of hair out of his eyes and looking, rather unsteadily, at Peeta.
"You know them all best," said Peeta on a laugh. "I'll be deferring to you." He frowned as he realized what Haymitch was about to say. "I'll be with Katniss. She just wants to protect me. If she feels like she's doing that, I bet she'll team up with some of them."
Haymitch had closed his eyes. Peeta stared into the fire. He had been waiting for Haymitch to start snoring. Then he'd half carry him to the couch so he wouldn't sleep at the table. He was trying to be here at bedtime a lot more.
"Peeta."
Peeta had started. He had been half-dozing himself, and his heart was pounding a familiar tattoo at being woken suddenly.
"Yeah? What?"
Haymitch wasn't speaking. Peeta looked at him, and Haymitch's gray Seam eyes, so much like Katniss's, pierced through him, pinning him in place. "She's going in there to die," he said. "What will you need to do?"
Peeta felt he was in the presence of something else, something beyond just himself and Haymitch. He had looked into those gray eyes, remembering how Katniss had appeared to him in a gray mist during a fever dream.
"I have to convince her not to die."
Haymitch nodded once, and his chin and eyelids stayed down a bit too long. He said, "She needs to know this is bigger than you. That there are people, outside the arena, that she cares about. You know her best. You'll think of a way."
"Could you have thought of a way to save me? Last year?"
Haymitch's face had crumpled.
"Peeta, I think of a thousand new ways every night," he said, and finally fallen asleep.
Peeta had stared into the flames again. Their shifting shapes, the way a runner of orange twisted around moving ribbons of red, and in the very heart, blue snaps. He could capture the light of a firelit room, and he could give a fair impression of fire, but there was no real way to convey its true beauty of light and movement, warmth and companionship.
He had sighed deeply, helped Haymitch to the sofa, and pulled a blanket over him. Then he sat on the floor in front of the sofa, looking at the fire, taking first watch.
Peeta suddenly realizes he's been staring at the light shining off a metal clasp on a seat belt across from him. He's going to the Capitol. To Katniss.