?: "Grrr! I can't get this top button closed!"

?: "Just pull the shoulder parts a bit higher."

?: "I am pulling it higher, in fact! Your giant head is still in the way!"

?: "Hey, if you really want to get into which one of us has a disproportionately sized head, then- OW!"

?: "Serves you right, I suppose!"

Even with her ear up against their door, Petra couldn't make heads or tails of what Subaru and Beatrice could possibly be doing in there. Usually they were among the first of the non-maids to be walking about the mansion before breakfast, but breakfast was almost ready and they hadn't even left their room yet. Between their unusual conversation and their atypical tardiness, the young maid furrowed her brow trying to come up with a reason for their strange behavior.

?: "Okay, I think we got you covered up enough. How do you feel?"

?: "... Like a true lady, I suppose."

Petra's heart skipped a beat and her face reddened, her mind racing to think of context for such words to be used. Fed up with waiting for answers, she took it upon herself to shove aside her manners as a maid and enter the room unannounced. However, when she reached for the doorknob it moved back before she could grasp it.

The door opened before her eyes, and before her stood not the knight/spirit duo together or separately, but instead was greeted with a single figure much taller than she was expecting to see. After what happened with the Bowel Hunter at the old mansion, Petra swore to herself that she would be more reactive next time instead of needing others to save her. Just as she was about to scream, kick the intruder in the shins, then run for help, she looked up at their face and her eyes widened.

Clad in a faded-purple trench coat, so long that almost reached the ground, sleeves adorned with fuzzy cuffs at the end of them, was none other than Subaru's Great Spirit, Beatrice. Standing at nearly two meters tall, the butterfly-eyed spirit leered down at Petra with a smug look on her face, looking down at her like the small child she was.

Petra: "Lady B-Beatrice!?"

Beatrice: "Ah young Petra, good morning to you. Is today's breakfast nearly ready, I wonder?"

Petra: "Well, yes, but where is-"

Petra was about to question Beatrice's current condition further, but she stopped her question short when she got a closer look at the hands coming out of her sleeves. They were calloused with some old scars, far too manly to be mistaken for the dainty maiden hands of a seasoned librarian. When she looked down, Petra also noticed a distinct-looking pair of pants and shoes that only one person she knew wore, and just like that any concern that was on her mind melted away.

Petra: "Um! Breakfast will be ready shortly, please make your way to the dining hall to join the rest of the household for the meal!"

Beatrice: "Thank you Petra, we- *I* will be there shortly."

Petra: "Very well, Lady Beatrice. I'll be helping big-sis Frederica with the last of the preparations, so I'll see you at the table!"

Beatrice: "I shall see you there then, I suppose."

After a short bow, Petra turned and went off in the direction she came from, leaving the 'tall' spirit to 'herself'. When she turned the corner, Beatrice looked down her collar to see the top of her contractor's head.

Beatrice: "Do you think she suspects anything?"

Subaru: "What, that you're not actually three times taller than you were last night? Of course she does! But thankfully, Petra is the type of girl that doesn't question things if there's a chance they can turn out to be entertaining."

Beatrice: "Ignoring a burning pot just to watch the fire that ensues… Just where do you suppose she picked up an unusual way of thinking, I wonder?"

Subaru: "Some scoundrel, probably."

Beatrice: "A scoundrel in a tracksuit, perhaps?"

Subaru: "You can't prove anything."

Subaru beamed with pride behind the large coat, taking a wider stance and putting his hands on his hips, making it look like a tall Beatrice was striking an iconic Subaru pose.

Beatrice: "We should get going, I suppose. Let's see if this 'trust exercise' as you call it strengthens our bond like you said it would."

Subaru: "Technically, I said it could strengthen the bond between us, but I have absolute faith that this will go off without a hit-"

Beatrice: "A-Ah! Subaru, the door frame! The door fra- WAAAH!"

Subaru: "I gotcha!"

Just as Subaru was about to take their inaugural steps out of their room, Beatrice frantically reminded him of her head's proximity to the ceiling. Right before he was about to step through entirely, Subaru leaned back and placed a hand on her back to ensure that she didn't lose her place on his shoulders.

The grip she had in his hair tightened in panic, an added pulling sensation when they collectively leaned back made him wince. He had insisted that she use his hair to indicate how she wanted him to move, claiming that a story from his homeland inspired him to try something like this to begin with. It was something about a rodent and a human working together to make food, but the overall message of the story was that two bodies can become one in order to be greater than they ever could have been alone. Naturally, such methods piqued her curiosity, so they dug out one of Roswaal's old winter coats that was collecting dust in the closet and tried it out.

After a short limbo-walk through the doorway, the duo resituated themselves to stand upright once more. Subaru held his arms out at his sides with palms facing either end of the hallway to reset his sense of balance. This gave Beatrice a chance to secure her placement on his shoulders and readjust her grip on his hair. She gave an experimental tug with one of her hands, and the young man beneath her reflexively turned towards the direction of the dining hall. She tried shifting both her balled fists forward, and in response Subaru started marching down the hall. Beatrice smiled to herself, thoroughly enjoying the sensation of cruising through the halls at such a height, taking in the perspective she had only ever dreamed about. She decided that she liked being tall.

When Subaru and Beatrice finally navigated their way to breakfast, their combined state was met with mixed reactions. Emilia and Petra just smiled, both familiar enough with Subaru's antics to know that this was some kind of team-building exercise. Garfiel and Frederica both looked as if they were trying to stifle laughter, the younger brother doing a far worse job at doing so than his big sister. Otto just sighed and Ram made a face of disgust, the two taking it upon themselves to be embarrassed for the knight and spirit who refused to show any shame. While each member of the Emilia camp had their own versions of feedback, one by one everyone turned to the head of the household for his take on this development.

Roswaal: "Oh my, Beatrice, that is you over there, isn't it? I hardly recognized you. Did you do something with your haaaaaair~?"

Beatrice: "Betty hasn't cut her hair once in 400 years! Why would she start now, I wonder?"

Roswaal: "Hmmm, a fair point. It must be my imagination then. Carry oooooon~."

With that, Roswaal took a sip of his tea, completely unfazed by the spectacle before him. With Roswaal's lack of objections clear, Beatrice guided Subaru to a vacant seat next to Emilia, to which he felt around for the chair so he could sit down.

Breakfast was expertly crafted omelets, fluffy and light but malleable enough to fold over once, drizzled with a light tomato and mayonnaise sauce with fried potato wedges on the side. As much as he'd love to dig into one of his personal favorite meals, Subaru held back and grabbed the silverware as best he could and began to cut the meal into bite-sized pieces as best he could.

After missing a few times, Subaru peeked through the gap between the buttons so that his fork could finally pierce a piece of omelet. Slowly, he raised his arm higher and higher until he reached over his head into a blind spot. He could see the others at the table leaning in with baited breath to see if they could make it, all the while he could feel Beatrice leaning forward in order to meet his hand. He carefully moved his hand closer, which prompted her to move back a little, then forward again until finally-

Beatrice: *NOM*

Nearly everyone in the room either clapped or gave a verbal sense of congratulations, cheering for the completion of the maneuver. Beatrice closed her eyes and smiled as she ate, for the omelet was fine and the praise from everyone was even finer. Beneath her, Subaru was elated to bring such joy to his spirit partner, but he was still hungry. After feeding Beatrice a few more pieces, while she chatted with the rest of the table, Subaru reached for a potato wedge and carefully brought it to the slit he had been using to barely see from. Just as he could start to smell the light oil scent from the fried potato-

Ram: "Lady Beatrice, watch out!"

Moving like the wind itself, Ram dramatically leapt over the table and landed right between where Emilia and Subaru/Beatrice were sitting, bringing down her open palm and smacking the thick-cut fry out of Subaru's hand as she landed. Everyone but Roswaal froze at such an energetic act from the one person in the mansion who advocated for exerting as little effort as possible.

Ram: "You should pay closer attention, Lady Beatrice. Are you aware that you almost allowed food to ruin one of Lord Roswaal's treasured valuables?"

Beatrice: "That clown was going to throw this thing away, in fact! Subaru asked if he could keep it for spare fabric, and that man said 'I literally do not care what you do with that ratty old thing'."

Roswaal: "It's true, I did say that."

Subaru pointed at Roswaal for Beatrice, to which he replied simply without looking up from his tea.

Ram: "Still, Ram cannot permit even a single discarded relic of Lord Roswaal to be desecrated. Here, let me clean the crumbs that were spilled."

Beatrice: "You're awfully attentive to Betty's needs today, maid. Why are you going through such lengths?"

Ram: "Lady Beatrice, your words hurt me. All Ram wants to do is serve her master and his valued guests to the best of her abilities. Please, allow her to wipe away this filth."

Subaru: "Snrk-"

Ram: "Very filthy indeed…"

Ram took out a handkerchief to clean the few bits of potato that had come into contact with the area around where Subaru's face was. As she vigorously rubbed that spot of debris and grime, so too did Subaru's face get harshly rubbed as well, bending his nose up and down with every wipe. He tried to swat her away, but she used her free arm to combat his defenses.

Ram: "Lady Beatrice, I ask that you do not resist. Ram is only trying to help."

Beatrice: "You're doing enough, I suppose! The coat is fine, and you're hurting- Betty's… chest…"

Beatrice couldn't help but blush at her lame attempt at a cover story. Seeing a potato get slapped from his hand was amusing, but Subaru couldn't afford anything that would cause injury to his face. He didn't have the best hand to begin with in that regard, no need to make it any worse.

Ram: "Fear not, with a chest as fair and dainty as your own, this will be a quick cleanup."

Subaru: "Yeah I bet you'd know a dainty chest when you see one…"

Subaru mumbled under his breath so that only those very close to him could hear. However, that included Ram as well.

Ram: "... Lady Beatrice, what did your chest just say to Ram?"

Beatrice: "I… um, that is, I… a-ah?"

Ram: "'A-ah?' That's not what Ram heard."

The oni maid's stare was piercing, each second was another that Beatrice felt despair take root in her psyche. Subaru, the main offender, was also trembling at his slip-up, mentally cursing him and his big mouth. A sense of dread crept up his spine when Ram's gaze lowered to meet his own. Though she couldn't see his face, Subaru felt her staring daggers into his soul.

Emilia: "Heartburn!"

Ram, Beatrice, and Subaru behind the coat all turned to look at this conversation's newest contender.

Emilia: "Heartburn and other bodily aches can produce unusual noises that can sometimes sound like words. Isn't it possible that's what you heard, Ram?"

Ram: "..."

Beatrice: "..."

Subaru: "..."

Ram: "Surely, that's what it must have been. Ram would like to humbly apologize, o wise Great Spirit, she feels a fool for ever doubting you."

Beatrice: "Ah? T-That isn't necessary at all, in fact!"

Ram: "No? Then please, let us at least make peace over tea."

Beatrice: "That is… acceptable, I suppose."

Beatrice stopped Ram before she could bow her head too deeply, Subaru shaking his hands out to punctuate their shared opinion. When she offered a simple cup of tea, Beatrice thought it was best to humor her so they could all move along with their morning. Ram grabbed the nearby teapot and poured into the empty teacup on its designated saucer. She filled it to the normal level, but she hastily jerked her arm as she finished pouring so that the last little bit spilled onto Subaru's lap.

Subaru: "NNG!"

Ram: "Oh my, how uncharacteristically clumsy of me."

He pounded his fist on the table, tried to bear the searing pain silently for a few moments, then pounded the sturdy wood a few more times in frustration. Thankfully the spill didn't land on any sensitive areas, but it did cover a good amount of his thigh. The old trench coat absorbed most of the moisture, but it did nothing to disperse the heat, if anything it retained it all into a single spot.

Ram: "Ram would like to beg for your forgiveness once again, Lady Beatrice, her blunder has caused hot tea to spill into your lap. A stain is sure to set in if not tended to immediately."

Beatrice: "You're still worried about the stupid coat!?"

Subaru slammed his hands down on the table and stood from his seat, helping alleviate some of the heat on his legs. He then took a wide stance and dramatically pointed towards the door, making it apparent that he wanted to leave .

Beatrice: "Um… Betty will now be leaving to properly launder this garment herself! Please do not follow Betty or question why she may be shorter later! Goodbye!"

Subaru pushed their chair in and marched Beatrice and himself towards the room's exit.

Ram: "What of your food, ma'am? You didn't even consume half of it. Such a waste…"

Beatrice: "Put it aside for later, I suppose. Betty's contractor will surely be hungry when he returns from his… errands."

Ram: "Errands, you say…"

Beatrice was getting better at coming up with cover stories on the fly, but Ram didn't want to let up on them just yet.

Ram: "In that case… make sure Barusu eats THIS!"

Just as Subaru was about to step through the door, he could feel a sense of danger coming from behind him, like a change in air pressure was approaching him. He spun around and stuck his hand out, just in time to catch an appa Ram had thrown that would have otherwise struck him in the middle of his back. The eyes of Beatrice, Ram, and everyone else in the room widened in surprise at the sight of this feat. Even Roswaal arched an eyebrow.

Beatrice: "Th-That's right everyone! Gaze upon Betty's extraordinary reflexes and be jealous!"

Ram: "-Tch."

Subaru used his unoccupied hand to point across the room to emphasize Beatrice's words, while Ram seemed to concede defeat. She had her fun, but the spirit/knight duo had come out on top this time, both of them sharing the same smug look as they turned back around to leave.

Subaru: "Gaaah! Damn, that hurt!"

Once the doors closed behind them and they left earshot of the dining hall, Subaru moved the appa into his other hand so he could shake out the one he caught it with. Despite how casual he may have seemed at the time, the impact of the appa into his hand was enough to mash the side that he had caught, which sent a reverberation through his palm and up his entire arm.

Beatrice: "Lol."

Subaru: "I- Wh- Beatrice! I am shocked at you! Where did you learn to use that phrase?"

Beatrice: "Hmph! Betty picked up that word and its meaning from a certain tracksuit-wearing scoundrel, in fact."

Subaru: "Here I was, thinking that I could give you an honest and fulfilling life, when clearly I have failed you by allowing you to hear nonsense terms from my homeland."

Subaru fell to his knees and pounded his fists on the carpeted marble floor. He had gotten hot tea poured in his lap, an appa thrown into his hand at a speed rivaling major league pitchers, but knowing that his adorable spirit had picked up internet slang hurt more than anything he had endured that day.

Subaru: "I've failed you, Beako. I pray that one day, you might find it in your kind and gentle heart to forgive me."

Beatrice: "Lmao."