Austin, Texas

12 April 1967

"We think it would be best if you stepped back."

Seated in front of Mrs Johnson's desk, Sue Ellen wasn't surprised at all by the words the pageant director was saying, in fact, if anything, she was surprised that it had taken as long as it had for her to be called into a meeting.

"Step back? Why?"

Playing the part of naïve bystander, which she most certainly was not, her mother asked the question, wishing to make Mrs Johnson at least say the words aloud before they accepted the decision that had been made without their input.

"The scandal isn't something we want to associate ourselves with."

'The scandal' was a month old and wasn't a scandal at all, Alex's end ruled accidental long ago now, but facts didn't matter to the rumour mill, the gossip having left campus and made its way out into the world for all sorts of people to comment on regardless of the true details.

"That's ridiculous. Sue Ellen is a victim just as much as that boy."

Pleased for once that her mother was as direct as she was she couldn't help but add her own direct comment to the conversation. "More."

"That might be so, but the public doesn't see it that way."

Not asking for any explanation why she felt the way she did Mrs Johnson returned to the point she'd been trying to make.

"They think I was involved."

"But you weren't."

Reminding everyone of the truth, she truly was grateful for her mother. She didn't like her a lot of the time, more than a few instances of unfair and unrealistic expectations had put strain on their relationship, but the unquestioning support she'd shown her since people had started asking questions was comforting. Her mother was quick to criticise her herself, but someone else doing the same thing was reason to jump to her defence.

"No, but they think there's some sort of cover-up."

"This is unjust."

Explaining herself, her mother followed, reiterating feelings they both shared.

"Maybe so, but it's what needs to happen."

Not actually shrugging, Mrs Johnson might as well have because her tone was indifferent. As far as the pageant went they were happy to put Bonnie, the runner-up, into her place for the remainder of her run, all they needed was someone in the role, it didn't have to be Sue Ellen Shepard and they didn't really want it to be Sue Ellen Shepard.

"What about Miss Texas?"

"We'll see."

Not convinced that any positive outcome was to arise in future, not from the way Mrs Johnson spoke, it surprised her how hurt she was by the decision. She hadn't even really liked pageants that much until the opportunity to participate was threatened but now that it seemed it was going, never to return, she didn't want to say goodbye.

"That's a no then."

"It's not a no it's a decision that will need to be made closer to the time, one we'll base on what the public perception is."

"What are we going to tell people now?"

Sighing, she resigned herself to accepting the decision, something her mother was clearly not particularly impressed by if her sharp, "Sue Ellen," and glare was anything to go by.

"You may choose. Exhaustion, academic priority, perhaps even a real illness, do you have any of those?"

"No, and we can't use that one anyway, if I did people would expect me to stop cheering, and I won't do that."

No one had asked her to step away from any of her other activities and she didn't intend to volunteer to do so either, so they had to be careful about how they described her present state and decision.

"What would you prefer?"

"I'd prefer not to have to step back but as I don't have much of a choice I think academics would work. I have finals coming up in a few weeks."

If she stayed away from the pageant scene for another month then hopefully by the time the semester ended everyone would have moved onto talking about something or someone else.

"Oh, so soon? Let's go with exhaustion, it'll give us more of an open-ended timeline."

"You don't plan to let me participate in the Miss Texas pageant then, do you?"

"Like I said, we'll see."

Noncommittal, Mrs Johnson's false smile said everything. If there was even a hint of a scandal following her by the time they had to submit Austin's candidate for Miss Texas then Bonnie was their girl.

"Miss Texas is in June. If I'm supposedly not well enough in May then people might have a hard time believing I'm just fine by June."

Not keen to go with exhaustion for the very reason it was Mrs Johnson's preferred option, she attempted and failed to change the direction of their plan back to the one she'd chosen.

"Summer vacation can be a very restful time."

"Yes, especially when I have no college or pageant commitments to fill my days."

Nodding, Mrs Johnson again made no effort to discuss it with them, her mind already made up.

"I'll have a statement drafted up and you can look it over before it goes out."

"It's not fair."

"You're right mama."

"You should be Miss Texas."

"I know mama."

"If only these people knew. They'd be slandering his name, not yours."

"But we're not going to tell them, are we?"

"No, a lady doesn't dignify an insult by answering it."

Lying in bed, the conversation repeated in her head. She was stuck. Alex was dead and gone, remembered for his athleticism and commitment to his family, both biological and chosen, committed to with a pledge, he didn't have to face the consequences of his actions. On the other side, she was alive and well, stuck dealing with the aftermath of his behaviour. Few people knew what had actually happened at the cabin but the story was out there regardless; she was one of the last people to see him alive and was not mourning his loss at all, which made her guilty, of what, no one said aloud, but she'd heard all sorts, none of which was true. It truly was not fair, not at all.