"Be honest, do you think I can pull off a bucket hat?"
Miguel took in the image of Hawk standing there in front of him wearing said hat. The color matched well with the purple shirt his friend had bought the other day at the local beach shop. "If anyone can pull off a bucket hat, it's you, dude," he declared.
Hawk snorted in amusement but put the bucket hat back on the rack, choosing next a baseball cap to try on.
It had been a while since the two of them had gone shopping in a mall together, especially for clothes. When Hawk had suggested it that morning, Miguel jumped at the chance. Because ever since Hawk's run-in with Cobra Kai, it seemed like he hadn't been putting much effort into his appearance. Miguel wouldn't have said he was dressing frumpy exactly, but certainly less colorful and put together than was normal for him. Granted, that could have been due to the limited wardrobe Eli had available in his bag, but the choice of clothes he'd brought with him said enough. It had mostly been lots of greys.
When they finished looking at hats and walked past the jewelry selection, Hawk elbowed Miguel. "Think we should bring our moms something back?" he asked. "Maybe if we get them a necklace or bracelet or something, they'll knock off a few years from our future prison sentences."
Miguel laughed. "Hey, couldn't hurt to try."
He picked through the basket of handmade beaded bracelets, finding a couple he bet his mother would appreciate. But when Miguel actually went up to the register and made his purchase, a horrible sinking sensation settled in his stomach as he thought about what his mom must have been doing right at that moment.
Was she at home crying, still worried sick about him? Or had she run out of tears by this point? Did he really think a couple of bracelets were going to make up for running away like that?
On the walk back to the hostel, Miguel's mind wandered to all those direct messages on his Instagram, left only because he'd blocked everyone's phone numbers so he couldn't be hounded by incoming texts and voicemails. He didn't even want to imagine how many unanswered comments had been left under his posts by this point. All from family and friends he'd completely ghosted.
The longer he kept ignoring them, the more his insides twisted from guilt, so when he was reminded of them again now, it killed his appetite for lunch. And he knew it was only going to get worse and worse with each passing day that he pretended he and Hawk were living in a bubble cut off from the rest of the world, from the people waiting for them back home.
Had they stopped trying to reach him now? Surely not his mother, but what about everyone else, had they given up? What about Sensei?
The weight of those heavy thoughts sat on Miguel's shoulders for the rest of the day, all the way until he and Hawk got dressed into their pajamas that night, turned off the light, and climbed into their beds. It was only then, after a few minutes of tossing and turning in a futile effort to get comfortable, that Miguel truly realized how lonely he was.
Facing the wall, Miguel pulled the comforter tighter around himself. "Hawk?"
"Yeah?" called out the voice from the other bed. At least Eli hadn't fallen asleep yet.
Miguel hesitated a few seconds before asking, "Have you talked with anyone else back home?"
"Not really," answered Hawk, letting out a yawn. "Actually, I guess I should text my parents tomorrow, let them know we're still not dead."
Releasing a soft sigh, Miguel buried his head deeper into the pillow under it. He knew Hawk meant what he said in a darkly comedic way, but it wasn't far from the truth of things. Which was worse, Miguel pondered, looking for a father he'd never met in a city of almost nine million people, or taking a bus over to the Gulf of Mexico to do some soul searching? Which would his mother hate him for less?
"I wish I hadn't ghosted everyone," he admitted, picking at some loose threads on the top of his blanket with his fingers. "It felt like the only thing I could do because I knew everyone was going to try and stop me from coming down here. But now I don't even have that excuse for ignoring them."
He didn't know whether he was saying that out loud to justify his actions to Hawk or to himself; Hawk had already told him he wasn't going to judge him for what he did. But either way, it wasn't helping with the gnawing inside his gut.
There was a long pause from Hawk before he suggested, "You could always unblock them."
"After all this time, what would I even say to everyone?" asked Miguel.
"I dunno, just tell them the truth," Hawk replied. "You came here looking for your dad and decided you needed a vacation, instead."
At that straightforward advice, Miguel let out a distressed laugh. "Ha, right! 'Sorry for probably driving you insane with worry, Mom, but I needed to take some time off and hit the beach.' What the heck am I doing here? How could I do that to everyone? Mom, Sensei, Sam, I bet everyone hates me now, and why shouldn't they?!"
"Miguel…."
Miguel wiped his nose on his sleeve, trying to stifle a sniffle. "And what's worse is, I still don't want to go back yet. I can't. I mean, how can I go back and have nothing to show for all this? I was the closest I ever was to finding my dad, but I probably should just give up on that altogether because apparently he's still some sort of horrible criminal, so bad that Mom wouldn't ever tell me anything about him, so going back to Mexico City would just be putting us in danger. But how can I go back home and face Mom, Yaya, and everyone else when I didn't even succeed in what I set out to do in the first place?"
How was he ever going to face any of them again? If he had found his dad, at least he could say he'd accomplished something, even if it was tracking down someone his mother never wanted him to meet. At least that was a tangible goal. But no, he'd instead decided to make yet another impulsive choice, running away even farther to the Gulf, just so he could find himself. There was no way anyone was going to understand that. They would never forgive him.
Things were quiet for a long moment before Eli's voice came out of the dark again. "Hey, man, I think I get it."
Sniffling again, Miguel rubbed his hand down his face, trying to keep control over his emotions. He could feel his friend's eyes boring a hole into his shoulder blades, but he refused to turn around and see how Hawk was staring at him now. "Oh yeah?"
"You've never disappointed your mom before, have you?" asked Hawk. "I mean, like, with a big-time fuckup?"
"Is this supposed to help me feel better?" Miguel retorted.
Hawk let out a ghost of a chuckle. "I'm just sayin', I'm pretty much a pro at disappointing my parents," he explained, his voice sounding less proud by that statement and more resigned. "Remember when I told you how I finally told them about all that shit I did last year? It's funny, before Cobra Kai, I never really kept anything from them. But then I got worried they would make me quit if they heard about some of the stuff Sensei Lawrence had us do. Then things kept getting worse, especially when Kreese was teaching things. All that time, I just kept lying to my mom and dad about what things were like there, especially the stuff I was up to. It's not like I wanted to get my ass grounded, and after a while, it got so big that it felt like I couldn't go to them anymore, even if I wanted to."
Miguel furrowed his brows, recalling how Eli had told him he hadn't wanted to tell his parents what happened to him when the Cobra Kais cut his hair. Things must have been so strained between him and his mom and dad if Hawk had even considered lying to them about something like that. "Didn't that feel…lonely?"
"Yeah," admitted Hawk. "Is that…Is that how you feel right now?"
"Yeah," muttered Miguel. It was ironic. The closer he'd gotten to finding his father, the further he'd gotten from everyone else. And not just with physical distance.
Miguel heard the rustling of bed covers, followed by a sudden noise so obnoxiously grating, he finally had to turn over to look at what was causing it. And as his eyes cut through the darkness, he saw Hawk pushing his twin bed across the two feet of space separating them, not stopping until their beds were pressed together.
Sitting up, Miguel prepared to ask, "Hawk, what—"
"I miss my parents, too," confessed Eli, cutting him short as he climbed back into his bed. "I mean, this is the farthest I've ever been from them in my life. And I know they're really worried about me, and you, too, just like I bet your mom is. But this trip hasn't been all for nothing, man. And…And you're not alone."
Miguel could only stare at Hawk, surprised by both his action and his words, both an open invitation to help shoulder his troubles.
And if that wasn't clear enough, Hawk lifted his arm, inviting Miguel closer. A small smirk curled up the side of his mouth as he said, "So come on, do you wanna spoon or not?"
Miguel snorted, shaking his head with a tired grin. "You're insane," he joked with affection before lying back down, pulling the covers over his shoulders. But after a second, the offer of physical contact did actually sound pretty good. So he shifted up next to Hawk, wrapping an arm over his ribs. Hawk did the same, and they pulled each other together close on their joined beds.
Their arms stayed squeezed around each other for a long, lingering moment before Miguel turned over to face the wall again. But he pulled Hawk's arm over with him, keeping it as tightly wrapped around him as his blanket, back pressed against his friend's body. Miguel supposed he really was the little spoon now.
Eli didn't object. Miguel instead felt him rest his forehead against the back of his shoulder. And he felt the heat of Hawk's breath slow down as the two of them started falling asleep in that position.