23
By Grace (purplemud)
Pairing: Naley and a bit of Leyton and Brucas
Summary: Nathan Scott is done playing basketball. In fact, if he's going to be honest about it, he's done with living. But one funeral just might change that. AU. Totally.
Warning: Character death. Strong language. Some sexual content in the future. Maybe.
Author's note: Much thanks for the awesome feedback. I really appreciate it. More Naley interaction. Let me know what you guys think.
Disclaimers: Standard disclaimers apply. Me don't own. Lines from the show shamelessly borrowed. Please don't sue.
Seven
They say sometimes, time passes you by. Time ever so constant and inescapable and yet, for a moment, you completely forget about it, made so completely unaware of it; not the ticking of the seconds, the changing of the minutes, the hours. The swinging pendulums perfectly motionless.
Nathan has several moments of time stopping: the winning shot hanging by the air, milliseconds away from a win, from a loss - infinite possibilities suspended over the gasping, silent crowd. Always at the court, always with a thousand eyes watching him. Never exactly like this, never with just one person looking up at him, huge, brown eyes and faint yellow sunshine. And that's pretty much about the only thing Nathan is aware at this moment. He's leaning against the wall, arms hanging loosely at his sides, listening intently as Haley tries not to ramble too much.
She's still sitting on Lucas's bed, arms around her knees that were drawn up, tightly hugging herself. She tucks a stray strand of hair behind her ears, gazes at some fix point at the wall of the room and asks, "Did you go to the cemetery? I didn't see you there."
Nathan shakes his head. "Ugh, no. I didn't." He's almost ashamed to admit this and he wants to tell her that it's nothing really personal, that it has nothing to do with Lucas, but more about having to stand underneath the perfectly blue and sky, everything and everyone around so alive and bright – tainted by the sound of grief. It's the finality of the whole thing. To watch someone who's been part of your life, someone you looked up to, someone like a father or a brother or a friend - just the mere thought of having to leave them there, so dark and cold and alone - it just didn't seem right. No matter how much or how little you feel for them.
It's the kind of thing that's enough to bring even the strongest person down to his knee, reduce him into a sobbing, incoherent little child. Nathan remembers watching his grandfather, Royal Scott, always so loud, so stoic, so domineering, so proud and strong and there he was, at the grave of his youngest son sobbing, crying so openly, so desperately. That sort of thing, it's going to stick to you and there's no shaking that memory out of your head.
Nathan watches as Haley winces, something dark and desperate fleetingly crosses over her face. "I didn't wanna go either." Haley admits, looking away. "I couldn't say goodbye just yet... but Karen needed me."
Nathan nods, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. "I know the feeling."
She turns her head to meet his eyes. "You do?"
There's surprised, hopeful tone on her voice and Nathan's thoughts about his father's funeral came spilling forth. The words were out of his mouth before he could even stop himself. "When my... dad died, I couldn't say goodbye too. I mean not with everyone else around. It was… I felt like I was suffocating." Nathan winces at how stupid it sounds. "Not exactly the right word, I guess." He amends quickly, slightly embarrassed. He isn't sure why he's being so damn talkative. He thinks this is the most he has ever talked to a girl without flirting or trying to charm her. This is the most he had talked about his father's death, period. These are the words his mother, his friends, his therapist (that his mother had insisted that he talked to), had wanted to hear from him. Because they said it was all part of the healing process. But to Nathan, it was like picking at the scabs of his wound and once he opened up, it'll all come back again. It will not be like healing at all.
But there's something about her, something about Haley James - her voice, her eyes, the way she looks at him - something totally unexplainable that makes Nathan say the things he thought he'd never be able to tell anyone.
Maybe it is easier to talk to a stranger.
Still, the way Haley is able to so freely ask him the questions no one has ever bothered or dared asking him before, it makes him a little nervous. A little wary. This is why he is keeping his distance, even if he feels totally ridiculous standing so far away from her, having what is quite possibly, the most intense conversation of his entire life. The distance is good. It's safe. From here, he could still see her eyes and her half winces, half smiles, but that's all that he needs. Nothing more and nothing less.
Haley is shaking her head, the light from outside bouncing against her brown-blonde hair. "No, no, I know what you mean." She tells him in that gentle voice of her, "It's exactly how I felt. Like, I couldn't breathe at all." Nathan silently watches as she takes a deep breath, wonders how it is possible that they can feel the same way when it is obvious that what she and Lucas had - their friendship - was nowhere near what he and Dan had. Estranged, bitter father and son. Rivals until the bitter end.
Maybe loosing someone is the same for everyone. Maybe the constant thing about life isn't time or change but pain. But that's a lot of maybe's, even for Nathan.
"So how did you say goodbye?" Haley asks, her brown eyes directed at some point far beyond outside Lucas's window. She's never looked so lost at that very moment and even though every fiber in Nathan's being is telling him that he had said enough, too much really, he can't let her be this way. He has to have an answer for her otherwise, she's going to be lost forever and then it's going to be his fault. He takes a deep breath, tries to go back to the day they buried his father. It's the same day as this, beautiful and so very... alive and Nathan remembers the soothing, murmuring sound of the river running forever and ever.
"I went to the Rivercourt," Nathan's voice is hoarse, on the verge of cracking. He pauses and clears his throats, "it's an old basketball court, near the river, hence the name," he offers Haley a small grin and he watches fascinated as the corner of her lips curls up in a the tiniest hint of a smile. Nathan quickly looks away, following Haley's far seeing gaze. "I shot basket after basket after basket- I don't know how many - I just kept going and going until I couldn't see the ball anymore."
The room is so silent and when Nathan turns his attention back to Haley, he finds himself looking straight into her eyes. There's a million silver dust motes floating around her, framing her and he's never really seen anyone quite like her before. Nothing about her seemed...ordinary.
"Sounds like something Lucas would do." Haley tells him in a low voice, her smile slowly, slowly, gently blooming from her lips. It's a real smile, an amused, happy smile. It reaches her eyes and for the first time since he had seen her today, Nathan is startled to realize that he is thinking of how pretty she is. Her open almost child-like face, completely without any trace of makeup, her lips pale and chapped, dark bags underneath her eyes – like this, she just takes his breath away.
And she looks like she doesn't even know how she looks like right now, isn't at all aware that to Nathan, standing so awkwardly away from her, she, Haley James was the prettiest – no, the most delicately beautiful girl he has ever seen. And this is coming as a huge shock to Nathan, because not so long ago, nothing like her would ever have interested him.
He didn't go, had never went for the naïve, innocent girl, the quiet ones. He had always secretly felt that they were a hundred notches above him, way, way out of his league. Haley James belonged to those kind of girls who were smart enough not to pay him any attention, who thought of him as trouble (which he was) and had warily avoided him.
But here she is now, Haley James, so achingly simple in her faded yellow dress, the antithesis of every other girl he had ever flirted with and slept with. All those nameless, faceless girls he had so callously left come morning, whose phone numbers and love letters he had crumpled into a ball, shot right into a garbage can. So easily forgotten.
Haley James is nothing like them. And Nathan thinks, he is sure, there is no way he's ever going to forget her eyes.
She must have seen something in his face, something in his eyes, because she nervously looks away. Glancing around the room, Haley sighs, letting out a small chuckle. "I think I spent most of my time here than in my own bedroom."
Corner twist of her mouth. Nathan is not going to forget that too.
She lets out a small ghost of a chuckle. "Mr. Waffles certainly spent more time here."
Still somewhat shaken and confused, Nathan frowns and raises his eyebrows at her, eager to change the topic, to forget that briefly but charged moment between them. "Mr. Waffles?"
Haley bites her lips, as though she hadn't meant to introduce Mr. Waffles to their conversation. She colors slightly; her cheeks tainted with a faded shade of pink-red as she gestures over to the teddy bear innocently sitting atop Lucas's pillow. "I used to have him when I was a kid and then well... I was going to bring him to Lucas at the hospital when he... when I found out that..."
"Hey, Hales."
Nathan is quick to step away from the door suddenly swinging open. Basketball reflexes. A tall guy enters the room, familiar looking. Brown mop of hair falling past the nape of his neck; it's about the only thing that Nathan sees as the guy walks past him, totally unaware of him.
"Hey," The greeting is for the tall guy, but Haley is looking past the guy's shoulder, seeking and catching Nathan's eyes.
It's the strangest feeling in the world, Nathan thinks, staring into her warm brown eyes. Kind of like the first few seconds of a basketball game, the very second he steps into the court, right before the tipoff: the uncertainty, the adrenaline, the strange mix of excitement and anxiety. The nervous fluttering inside his chest and the painful stomach cramps.
Haley tears her gaze away from him, turns and tilts her head to look at the other guy instead. "What are you doing here, Damien?"
Damien West. Nathan remembers the name. Captain of Oak Lake High. The Oak Lake High equivalent of Nathan Scott. The guy had a mean streak in him, always trying to jab an elbow in his ribs, always sneering at everyone. Even at his teammates.
Oh, Nathan knows a thing or two about West. He was a good player, in fact one of the few chosen alongside him to go to the exclusive High Flyers and though Nathan admittedly had been always arrogant, self-assured, annoying jackass, West was ten times worst. In fact, West reminded Nathan of his own father. If Dan Scott had been younger, he and Damien West would have no doubt found each other and would have been each other's best friend and worst enemy.
"I'd been looking everywhere for you Hales. I was worried about you." West declared, sounding sincerely worried. It's the first time Nathan had ever associated the word sincere with West. And he's quite sure it's only because of Haley. There's something about her that brings out the good in other people. Even in certified jackassess like West. Of course, it is possible that West had changed over the years, but Nathan wasn't betting on it.
"I've been here all along, Damien." Haley answers shrugging her shoulders.
Damien didn't seem to hear. He rakes his hand over to his hair and shakes his head. "I'm sorry about Luke. This day sucks and it's been really..." He stops as soon as he realizes that he didn't have Haley's sole attention. He turns his head and finds Nathan standing so fucking casually beside the opened door. "-fucked up," He finishes in a distracted voice, immediately pinning Nathan with his stare. He takes a step back, so that he's standing right smack in between Haley and Nathan. "What the fuck, Hales?" He asks, glancing at Haley.
Nathan quickly tamps down the urge to roll his eyes. True, the guy wasn't actually known for being polite but Nathan, who is also quite guilty of constant, heavy cussing, had gotten through a whole conversation with Haley without having to swear. Surely, West could do the same thing.
Haley winces, ignoring Damien's outburst. "This is-" She starts, gesturing over to him but Damien cuts her off.
"Nathan Scott. Yeah, I know him." He turns his whole body towards Nathan, blocking Nathan's view of Haley. The stance is protective, angry and as arrogant as Nathan remembers. "Tree Hill. Raven, right?"
Nathan, who had never, ever backed down on any fight, tries to keep his voice low and calm as he answered, nodding his head. "How's your free-throws, West?" he asks trying to make it sound light. The last thing he needed was to get pulled into trash talking with Damien West. That could get ugly very quickly and he has to remind himself of where he was and who he's with.
Damien advances towards him. Nathan doesn't even flinch. In all the times that the Tree Hill Ravens and the Oak Lake Lions had met on court, Damien had done the very same thing. Captain against Captain. Toe to toe. Clash of Blue and Green. The soaring Raven versus the roaring Lion. Both arrogant and proud. Nathan doesn't remember how many times their respective Coaches had personally pulled them apart, an inch short of pummelling their fists against their faces. They were both too valuable to be thrown out of the game over something as silly as a staring contest. But Damien West just loved getting into Nathan's face, invading his personal space, sneering at him. It's his idea of trying to be intimidating. This is nothing new to Nathan. He feels his jaws hardening as he keeps his gaze steady.
"What the hell are you doing here, Scott?" Damien practically spits out. "You trying to prove something?" The tone is menacing, loaded with meaning, with silent threats.
There's a sudden, brief flash of panic in Nathan, nothing to do with Damien West trying to stir up trouble, but everything to do with the fact that Damien just might know that he's Lucas's half-brother and if he calls him on it, then Haley will find out and she will hate him just as Damien does. Nathan is sure that somehow, sometime during the many locker room talks, Lucas might have vented out to his teammates: Fucking arrogant Raven-pussy, my father would've chosen him; they're so much alike.
Nathan grimaces. He had certainly done that, calling Lucas all sorts of names, getting his whole team riled up, ready to beat Lucas's ass on his command.
"Damien, don't." Haley's voice is strained, but loud enough to get Damien's attention.
"Haley," He starts in protest, looking at her and then back to Nathan. "Do you know who he is? And he's inside Lucas's room! How could you?"
The accusation rings clear and the sudden, crushing crestfallen look on Haley's face is enough of an incentive for Nathan to lunge at Damien and deck him. Shut the guy up. He deserves it, if only for making Haley feel as though she had somewhat betrayed Lucas. Nathan glances at her, sees her throat working, her face so startlingly pale.
"Yes, I know." Haley states slowly, stressing every word, her voice raising, strong, clear and confident. "Big high school basketball rivalry." She pauses, shakes her head, stares up into West's face. "God, Damien, don't be such a jerk." She sniffs gently, rubs her hand against her face and mutters darkly, "Not now and not here." She says through gritted teeth, gesturing around Lucas's room. "Please." She pleads in a small voice and adds softly, so soft, Nathan isn't sure if he actually heard it: "Please, if not for Lucas, then do it for me."
Damien gives Nathan one last dirty look before backing away, raising his hands, palms up in what looked like a feeble attempt at a peaceful gesture. "Okay. Fine." He turns towards Haley and moves towards her. "But just 'cause you asked." He says in a voice that is almost gentle, coaxing.
Nathan has his fist clenched so tightly, he feels his nails digging deep into his palms. The tension in the room fizzles and he's left standing almost dumbly, watching as Damien sits beside Haley, Mr. Waffles toppling over from his perch at the sudden, added weight on the bed. Damien picks it up and settles it on top of the bedside drawer. "The guys and me are leaving after a few, wanna go grab something to eat?" He asks and Nathan tells himself that this is the perfect time to flee, get the hell out of this room but he's somehow stuck to his spot, unmoving, and riveted to this little drama playing right before his eyes.
Haley is still staring at the carpet, not meeting anyone's eyes, even though she could feel the weight of their stares. "The guys and I." She corrects Damien.
Damien's forehead creases in confusion. "What?"
"Nothing." Haley lets out a sigh and after giving Nathan a quick glance, turns her head to Damien, staring into his familiar brown eyes. "Thanks, Damien. But I'm fine. I'm not hungry."
Damien looks at her for a long time before letting out a tired, impatient sigh. "Alright. Whatever." He shoots another glare at Nathan, who is still, impossibly, standing by the door. What the fuck is this guy's problem? Damien wonders, relieving much of their on-court battles. He still hadn't forgotten that it was Scott's fault why he never achieved his state championship MVP. He couldn't understand what the hell was Nathan doing here when he had singlehandedly crushed their dreams of winning State. Whatever Nathan is up to, Damien is sure that it can't be good. He turns his attention back to Haley and swallows hard. He hates seeing her like this. They weren't good friends now, but they had known each other ever since they were kids. No one deserves to be this sad and lost. Especially not Haley. He lowers his voice, wincing a little. Looking almost sorry, almost guilty, Damien peers into Haley's impassive face.
"Look, I…" he glances back at Nathan and shakes his head, no, not in front of Scott. "I'm... I'm here for you Hales, okay? Don't forget that." Haley wordlessly nods her head, already putting up her walls. Damien lets out a soft sigh of defeat. "I'll call you." He pauses, as though unsure of his next move and then, with a 'what the hell shrug' he leans over and gives Haley a quick, hard kiss on her temple. He quickly stands up, ignores the dark haired Raven and in three quick strides, is almost out of the door. He stops abruptly as he walks into... what the fuck? Another fucking Raven. What the fuck is this? Some kind of invasion?
Tim lets out a yelp, "Whoa big guy!" and quickly looks up, realizing that he's standing in front of the biggest jackhole of Oak Lake City. Fuck me, Tim thinks, why the hell is West looking at him like he's about to wring his neck? What could he have possibly done to the guy? He shoots Nathan quick looks, but Nathan is too busy making googly eye with that Haley girl.
"Watch it loser." Damien mutters.
Tim has enough sense not to talk back. He satisfies himself with a few seconds of exchanging 'grrrr' looks with Damien, neither one willing to back down. Tim hears Haley's voice from the inside: "Damien."
The tone is filled with warning, the kind that says, 'Don't or else...' and the 'or else' speaks of painful consequences.
Damien sneers at Tim. Tim only smiles his Sweet Tim Smile back.
And at the corner, Nathan has forgotten how to breathe; he's too busy trying to figure out what he'll do if Damien tries something - anything with Tim. He just can't stupidly stand here, that's for certain, but God, please, not here. If he has to, he'd kick Damien's ass, but not here, not in Lucas's room and not in front of Haley.
After a few more second of tension filled silence, the ex- Oak Lake Lion captain walks away, giving Haley and then Nathan one last glance.
"Pack of losers, they're like everywhere." Tim mutters underneath his breath, stepping inside the room.
Jake, who had been standing just behind Tim, ready to defend his friend lets out the breath he's been holding, "Actually, I think you mean pride of lions." He says, shaking his head and then nodding apologetically at Haley.
"Unkindness of ravens." Haley murmurs to herself, loud enough for Nathan to hear. He looks at her questioningly, but she keeps her eyes averted.
"Whatever." Tim says with a roll of his eyes. He turns to Nathan, "Nate, we gotta head back."
Time to go, Nathan thinks. He pauses, unsure of what to do or say now. This is the last time he'll see Haley. It's going to be a lame goodbye and she's bound to forget all about him. He winces a little and finally takes a step towards her, still keeping the safe distance between them. He looks down at her, just as he had minutes ago, when he found her at the floor. He's barely able to stop himself from reaching out and touching her hair and Nathan isn't so sure how he managed to not touch Haley, at all, but he's almost thankful that he has kept his hands inside his pockets.
"I'm really sorry Haley." He says after a few seconds of silence. She looks up at him and once again, he's caught by surprise by the color of her eyes. "Lucas sounds like a great guy. I'm sorry I didn't get to know him." He says this sincerely. He means every word and hopes that she knows it. It's the only thing that he could give her, this moment of honesty.
There's an almost startled look on Haley's face, but she quickly shakes her head and then gently, sadly smiles up at him.
Nathan still can't quite make himself walk away. He needs to know. "You be okay, okay?"
Haley nods her head, keeping her eyes on him. Wordlessly, she stands up, takes a step forward. Nathan keeps still, his heart banging loudly, painfully against his chest. He watches Haley as she stood on her toes and softly, briefly, gently kisses the edge of his jaws. "Thank you for coming, Nathan."
Nathan isn't really aware of how he got out of the room. Either Jake or Tim had hauled him off his feet and dragged him all the way to the porch or he just had the most insanely detailed day dream about meeting Haley James, Lucas's best friend, inside Lucas's very own room. There is no way that could have been real, right? Except, there's still that faint warmth at the very spot where she had kissed him. He gingerly touches the spot.
And her voice, the way she said his name, it's still echoing inside his head. Reverberating.
He can't remember anyone ever saying his name so... kindly.
Someone taps on his shoulder, he whirls around and finds Peyton standing in front of him and he quickly shakes the disappointment that had snaked its way inside his heart.
"Going already?" Peyton frowns up at him a hint of disapproval on her voice. "You haven't even said 'hi' or I don't know, 'sorry' to Lucas's mom yet."
Nathan grimaces and shakes his head. "Yeah. I'm sorry about that and about leaving so soon but we gotta go." He can't help it; he looks past Peyton's head, into the dark hallway, the closed door at the end of the hallway and wonders about Haley James. "Tell... tell Mrs. Roe that I'm really sorry."
"Alright. I will. Thanks for coming. And say hi to Deb for me."
Nathan nods his head as Peyton reaches out to hug him, surprising Nathan. He returns the hug, squeezing her gently. "You're going to be okay." He tells her, sure of this. Peyton may look and act tough in the outside, but Nathan knew better. Or at least he'd like to think that he knows her a little better, he might not have been in love with her, but he did care about her.
"I know." She pulls away from him and smiles up at him. "Don't be a stranger, Nate."
"I won't." Nathan promises, even though he knows that's what he'll become. That's what he already is.